The energy of ending things #313
12:26AM Jan 26, 2020
Hello, everybody, welcome back to tapping this week. I am Deborah Donnndelinger. And today we're talking and tapping about the energy to end things.
Notice the theme last time I was energy to start things. Yeah,
hmm. Pretty good, huh? Sorry, I'm laughing I
want to talk about five different categories of ending things. The first one is when we decide deliberately to stop something that is no longer aligned with who we are. Many times we'll start a new endeavor, a project, a certification, a class, a career path even. And we'll find along the way that it's not really meant for us. It's not who we are. It doesn't satisfy us. It doesn't bring us the results that we expected. But when we try to walk away from something, there are all sorts of messages and social conditioning we get. My kids were little they dabbled in soccer. My son, he finished a season his team was like undefeated. I'm like, okay, that's a great place to end. My girls. I couldn't stand the coach and I had hammocks on the team. So we actually they stopped midseason. And I've always been really flexible with my children stopping something, because I don't want to be pushed to do something that I don't want to do. But on the other side of that, for many of us, we hit a plateau and we're actually meant to struggle through that plateau
and keep going.
So how do you know if this is truly the time to end something?
Or if it's just a momentary plateau,
and you're supposed to work through the frustration?
And I don't know how to answer that for other types
from for any looking through the eyes of Human Design, or personality
type like Myers Briggs or the enneagram.
Everybody has their own unique relationship deciding is something is worth pursuing or not. Some of the language from him design asks us is this mind to do
Do I have the energy for this?
Is it nourishing?
Is it the right timing?
Does it fit my ambitions?
Do I want to say yes to this? Do I feel like doing it?
Is this going to bring the change that I want?
Does this meet a need that I want to have met?
Is this satisfying to do?
Or is this frustrating?
Do I want to finish this?
So as you listen to all those questions, notice
whether you feel agitated, or relaxed, whether you feel clear, like you're you're very clear, you know when to stop something and you will end up your own accord. Or when you feel the pressure of the outside group, or the pressure from yourself. Like No, I need to keep going. So find something in your to do list. on your calendar, in your diary on your planner, on your vision board,
that you're wondering whether it is yours to keep going with.
Pause a second and see if anything comes to mind.
So I'll give an example.
For the last five years I've done between a 30 and 45 day juice fast every early spring. And it's been a great process for me. And my identity is tied to it a little bit that I'm really proud that I can make this juice fast work for me. But I'm starting to have some doubts because the health benefits haven't been sustainable for me. And I was really dreading. Like, I didn't have the energy to do another one. And you need to have the right mindset. So I was asking myself do I want to keep going with this tradition of the juice fast? And I didn't know and I'm sitting with the unchopped the discomfort comfort about if I don't do this, then what That was a pretty uncomfortable feeling for me, I sat with it for a few days. And then a another idea came up for me that is much more appealing, and it's working really well. And it's definitely sustainable one has very similar health benefits. That's intermittent fasting. And I was so happy to get a new idea. But I had to be willing to let go of this old idea that I've been holding on to. So let's go and do some tapping. If you have something that came to mind that you're, you're looking at whether you should let go to let go of it or not.
And we'll see where we end up.
Now, one thing about tapping when you're tapping along, is it's really helpful to notice your intensity and give it a rating between zero and 10. This is because it's been called the apex of fat. And I need to do some more research on that so I can explain it to you better, but we forget how bad it was. And if we're not tracking our intensity, we don't know that things are getting better what direction we're moving in. So whenever you're tapping by yourself, just jot down a note. Notice that intensity, does it go up? Does it go down?
Okay, so thinking about this thing that you're
not sure you want to finish, and the agitation you feel like Oh, is it okay to stop? Notice what your intensity is.
For myself, I would say
probably like a six out of 10 on the side of the hand, we're tapping. Again if you're new to tapping, please go look at my website and take a look at the points the page how to tap will lay it out for you. Otherwise, we're tapping on the side of the hand. As I notice, it feels unsettling to think about stopping this thing.
I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.
As I noticed, it feels on easy to consider stopping this thing
deeply, completely accept myself anyway.
Notice this tension in my body when I think about stopping this thing I give my body permission to gently and easily notice and release this tension
moving to the points on the eyebrow to start
ending this thing Saturday I
I'm nervous about stopping it
under the eye What does it mean if I don't finish it
knows what am I don't keep up this tradition.
Chin point noticing the unease I feel it changing the tradition
noticing that I have no idea what could be better instead
This on ease of letting go the trapeze bar,
top of the head,
it feels like I don't know there's another bar to grab ahold of.
Stop there, relax your hands gentle breath.
So notice if you feel more or less relaxed, you might have noticed another thought or idea came into your head around this thing that you're considering stopping. And one of the really interesting things with tapping that happens is as the intensity drops, it's almost
like if we have an image in
our head, it fades away and moves further away from us. And then there's a space for new ideas to move in. So even if you don't have an idea of what comes next, as you keep tapping on working with the intensity and you calm things down, then you have more openness to the idea of to new ideas about what's coming next instead. What if you don't know what's happening on the side of the hand, even though I don't know what's coming next.
But I do know I want to stop this thing.
I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.
Even though I don't know what's coming next.
I'm willing to trust in the unknown.
Even though I feel a little bit better about stopping this thing.
And I don't know what's going to come next.
I'm open to the idea that things will only get better. Moving to
the point, holding on to how I've done things,
holding on to this thing that has sort of worked for me
holding on to these habits and patterns
Feeling locked in, by the way, I've done things. Noticing
I've outgrown this thing that I'm considering stopping. Children learn all the time and are willing to try new things. What I've gotten too stuck in my adult mess, and it's time to let some things go. I'm wanting to notice how it feels to let this thing go.
Okay, stop there, gentle breath.
So that's sort of that's easier. That's an easier situation when you're deciding to stop something that's not working for you.
But what about
Okay, guys, I'm probably gonna cry here. What about the endings that come of their own accord and you have no control over them whatsoever.
I'm talking about
children graduating and moving out, people dying, people's health changing all sorts of changes that are like this in evitable part of life of people moving on. And for me, it like shuts me down completely. I do not do endings well when it comes to or transitions Well, when it comes to family members. And those of you who know me I'm like in the middle of a high transition, couple of years where I am in my personal life with my kids, my family. So when you think about the changes happening in your life could be a relationship ending or relationship beginning. A child moving the child finishing this particular school, husband retiring,
mental pause your body, changing
Or a health diagnosis and a family member that's changing a lot and your fixed situation. Just notice how it feels as you consider these changes that are happening in your life.
These things that feel like they're ending.
Some of us are very aware of the grief.
Some of us keep it buried because it feels like it's going to be too much. I'm raising my hand for that one. And sometimes the grief is too much. We can't do it all at once. It's a slow and gentle process a wave up and down of grieving. And sometimes it's the anticipation of a change that's worse than actual event itself. Knowing that somebody soon to die, somebody is graduating. Somebody's leaving somebody's aging. So where
do you feel this in your body?
For me, it's like the heart space, it's just really hurting.
side of the hand,
not sure I've ever cried on a podcast. So crying as good as I tell everybody I tapped with, as long as we keep moving through the tapping and tears come up, and then they move, all right on the side of the hand, even though I'm grieving all these changes,
and it's almost too much to consider.
And none of them are in my control.
I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.
Even though I feel sad about these changes,
and they're all good changes.
Because I call a loss in some ways. I deeply
and completely accept myself. How I feel
even though I'm scared to death what these changes mean?
I give myself space
and compassion to notice what I'm feeling.
Okay moving to the points
feeling sad about these changes
noticing the pain and the tension in my heart
noticing what feels like kind of absence
noticing the love
this pain in my heart
this love in my heart
grieving these changes Is
Okay, stop there,
Now I forgot to ask you to take your intensity. If you're working with a particular situation coming up. I was at a 10. The end of a couple of situations I had in mind. It is really better to tap on one thing at a time. When people tell me that tapping doesn't work when they've tried it, like they've listened to a podcast or, you know, like a summit or something, it's because, or some Okay, confirmative tapping, which I have issues with is because it's not specific enough to them. And tapping along with somebody else can definitely take the edge off. But we need to find the language but we need to find the language that's specific to us. So tune in and find the one thing you can say about the change that's happening right now. What you say out loud, that's true for you. That hurts. The thing that hurts right now. For a lot of people, when it's a person who's who's passed away or is moving out, is the actual physical presence and the physical touch that is so
that some missed.
The other thing that's interesting about touch is, those of us in our Human Design charts, we have a lot of tribal circuitry, which you wouldn't know unless you have had your chart run or have done some digging on your own. But travel circuitry we have a high need we connect through touch touches is is how we connect to our tribe and our people. And the channel I have on my chart. Richard Woodstock, so they said, I'm actually like, if I cannot be with my children, it is has a negative consequence on my health. And that is so true. I thought I was gonna go back to work when my kids were born. And I just knew the first night with my baby that I cannot be away from this child.
And I thought everybody was like that. And then I have come to discover that
as those of us with the circuitry that has touched as an element That are so much more needing to be with our family members, our children, our offspring. And that touch that physical connection is like it just calms us and affects us in a very positive way. So of course, if the person's leaving out of our touchstone, that can feel like a massive loss. For other people, it's going to be the sound of their voice or the time and the activities you did together so many aspects that can bring up the grieving for us. So try to find that one specific aspect of the change that's coming and what you can be missing in the person as we do another round of tapping on that. And notice your intensity before you tap side of the hand even though I think it's going to be unbearable to have this person no longer around me. And it feels unbearable right now. I deeply and completely accept myself anyway. Even though it feels unbearable that I want to have this person around I deeply and completely accept myself and how much I care for this person. Even though I don't know what to do with feeling sad about this change I deeply and completely accept myself and how I feel.
You guys notice that
So beginning of the tapping, I'm like, can barely speak I'm so choked up, and I've already calmed way down, just tapping on the side of the hand points. Moving through the points I'm feeling this loss
missing his presence.
missing his hugs.
And see right there you until you introduce another aspect of them intensity spikes back up. So don't move through chump change change the language to quickly
missing his presence
missing his physicality.
I think I'll never see him again.
But for me, that's not true.
Now if you're tapping on somebody who's actually died that would be of course a different statement.
missing this person so much.
I thought this time would never come.
I thought we had forever
honoring this grief
honoring the love I have for this person.
And if your intensity was a 10, which mine was, What is it now I'm probably down to like a five. So trained briefly with Jan Luther, she's an EFT master and she does a lot of grief work. And she said in the training that tapping helps if, if the grieving takes three years tapping helps it become three months. So it doesn't stop the process doesn't short change it or, or diminish our grieving, but it can definitely help us move through the feelings more quickly, or more effectively, more powerfully, more more authentically, and also past aspects and come in our history with loss in our history with change definitely affects how we handle change now. And the last thing you want to say about the energy of ending things, when we're in the middle of a change, everything takes more energy, and time and effort. When we can we need to celebrate the short term accomplishments and not overtax ourselves, but also in the time of change. Things are looser with our structures and our habits and it's a time for us to be evaluate with Working for us and what isn't? Think about the classic example of moving. When you move to a new location, you got to figure out, you know, everything's new. It takes time to find, you know, the doctors, the grocery store, the gas station, the park, the hair plays, whatever, the gym. And when we have loosened up our structures, we can make better decisions or we can reevaluate, do I really need all of these items? Do I really need this habit? So when you're, when you're going through a change and letting go of something and ending something, whether it's your choice or not, it's a chance to be very gentle with ourselves, reevaluate our values and what's important to us and set very short term goals to support us as we navigate the change, knowing that we will come out of it. When I talk with people who have processed, a person dying, someone close to them dying, there's always a gift and that person Person staff that is indescribable at times, it's like a person has got a new connection or an understanding, access to that person's energy in a different way. I'm not saying that you should look for that artificially. But I've noticed there's always something beautiful in the relationship between two people, even when that person has gone and something else comes to light and is, is blossoms or is born. doesn't quite make sense with the words, but I think you get the feel for it. So we'll do one last round of tapping and wrap things up side of the hand, even though I don't know what's better on the other side of this change.
I'm part of me doesn't want to know.
Part of me stomping my foot and saying no, I don't want this.
I deeply and completely accept all the parts of me.
Even though part of me does not Want to change I wants to hold on to things the way they are.
And part of me knows I need to move on.
It's really not up to me.
I deeply and completely accept all of me
even though I don't know yet what's going to be positive about this change? I'm willing to sit in the space of not knowing. Right moving to the points, part of me stopping my foot. No, I don't want to go.
Part of me stomping my foot. No, I don't want you to go.
Part of me stopping my foot. I don't like this.
Part of me feels so out of control.
Some young part of me feels really scared.
Some young part of me feels really curious.
Some part of me feels resilient.
And all of me knows that I'm okay.
Even as these events unfold,
okay, gentle breath. Stop there, relax your hands. Oh, thanks for tapping along with me. This is a slightly heavier subject. And again, you know, podcast is just the beginning. It's a place to explore how to tap for these more serious issues. If you are going through something intense, get help from somebody. There are lots of great EFT practitioners out there. I do work with clients one on one, though, nowadays, I'm pretty busy with clients. But yeah, if you're struggling, get help, please. And tapping can move, help you move through this stuff very quickly. And of course, the traditional forms of therapy and other somatic healing modalities can be helpful.
All right, thanks a lot, and until next time,