2020-07-02 Fear (4 of 4) Wholesome and Unwholesome Fear
4:09PM Jul 2, 2020
So welcome to the fourth and last of these talks on fear. And before I launch into it, I wanted to say that I will at the end of this 15 minute talk, that I'll stay here on YouTube in order to try to answer any questions that might come up on the chat. Following up from this week or anything, and yesterday, I said I was going to be on zoom, but I was mistaken. That's just easier to stay here for now. And maybe next week. Tomorrow, I won't be here. So this is the last day for this week for this morning sittings. But next week, we'll do go through Friday, and maybe Friday. We can have a community meeting on zoom And so you have a chance to meet each other a little bit. We'll do the breakouts, and also a chance to ask some questions and then we've done that a few times. So, those of you have been here I think it was quite lovely to do it.
Oh no, is there no sound? I say so. I assume there is sound. Good. I see a sound.
So, here for the last talk about fear. And I have a peculiar mental habit or tendency to see things in words. And so when I see hear or see the word fear, I notice that the word ear is in it. And so I have this idea of hearing. And this idea to be able to hear well, what our fears about. To take time to see it and get to know it. That when I see the word fear reminds me Okay, here's now I should listen deeply. What's happening here? I like the idea of listening because it's not just feeling what's inside. But it's also a listening to the mental chatter, the thoughts, the beliefs, the ideas, and also the imagery that we have that comes up. Because these words and stories and what we tell ourselves and images we create a futures and ideas can have a huge impact on us. I've certainly minding my own business and feeling quite nice and then had a particular kind of imagery or thoughts come up in my mind and I could feel my body contract and react and be afraid, my stomach on a tighten. But it directly connected to having this thought come up. The story come up or something. And so to listen deeply to our fear, to think of fear now's the time to listen now's the time to really connect here. And then to learn to be wise about it. To learn what is needed, what is what does our fear need from us? What do we need given that there's fear? But that begins at least with people who practice mindfulness by being present for it or recognizing it's enough to begin becoming familiar with what how fear works for us and how it operates in our in our own lives. And to know what is what how we need to care for it and take care of it. And there's a wide wide range, I don't want to give the idea that your all you need to do is to be mindful of it. And sometimes you need we need to actually do something different and distract ourselves. Sometimes what we need to do is dive down right in it, and really allow the fear to grow and become quite strong in order to kind of the, the, you know, the boil to pop or something or to really see what's going on, and everything in between. But hopefully, it's all done based on care, of love, of really wanting the best for ourselves. And what we don't need in relationship to fear is to be driven by it should be different than to be driven by kind of a certain kind of anxiety around fear or hostility towards fear or some ideas We're not good enough if we were afraid or we have to be different than this way or to all these ways in which we make it so much harder. And one of the goals of mindfulness practice is to learn how to have, I like to think of it as simple emotions, just allow the simplicity of emotion to reveal itself to us. And what I mean by that experience, the emotion without a lot of the second arrows, the judgments, the you know, all these kind of complicated world that we have in relationship to it. And that's why earlier I talked about how important it is to notice our relationship to fear. Because if we can simplify that relationship, then sometimes we can just let fear exist in a very simple way. And there are times when fear can resolve itself. Fear has sometimes the wisdom or the healing, self healing or self liberating qualities If we learn how to get out of its way, and be very, very simple with it, not always easy and, and I don't say it's always can be done that way to be simple. And then other things are needed.
But to learn how to be simpler and simpler and to listen more deeply to our fear is useful because sometimes fear is healthy, it's wholesome. To live a life without any fear whatsoever, is probably not a human life. If I'm walking along, you know, a mountain trail and the trail gets narrow and it's steep drop on the one side, there can be some very simple fear, tightening concern, kind of a gathering together, retention and focus. Okay, now I have to pay attention, I have to be careful. And maybe I need to kind of stay away from the edge of the trail where it's such a big drop and then when I come out with it, The trail opens up again, then that caution that little bit of fear there was there. It's not needed anymore. But it was needed in order to make ourselves work go well, on this trail.
All kinds of situations fear is there to protect us and take care of us and do things for us. And, and we want, you know, we want, you know, fears A can be our friend, it can also be our friend psychologically. It could also for our inner life spiritually, and it doesn't have to be limiting exactly the opposite. That fear is what keeps us in a certain kind of spiritual way, unlimited free. And this is where the distinction between wholesome and unwholesome is so helpful, that we don't need to just think of fear is one particular thing. There's a range of what fear is and the covering the whole wholesome and unwholesome possibilities. And when we start having a sense of what's wholesome, what's nourishing, what's healthy, what's healing what's really good within, then we can start feeling that there are forces within us, that limit that that contract that harm that that takes that away from us. And those are the forces of greed, hatred and delusion, the forces of what is unwholesome and, and so we want to then protect ourselves from the unwholesome, not with more unwholesomeness. We have hatred, and we don't want to protect ourselves from hatred by hating the hate. If we have greed, we don't want to kind of somehow get rid of the greed by greed for the wholesome, that just more of the same. So this I ketones This kind of wonderful movement of practice is to learn how to meet what is unwholesome with what is wholesome, to meet. So if fear is unwholesome, if not wholesome is not supposed to be a moral judgment, it's bad, but it's just not helpful for us. It's not healthy, it's not healing. We want to kind of meet that with something that feels healing or healthy or in strict Buddhist terms, meet what is not free with freedom. And it's possible to feel how some fear limits our freedom limits our way of taking care of ourselves limits, protecting what's really good in us.
Another kind of fear supports, taking care of ourselves supports keeping us from falling into what's unhealthy. So the ability to listen to fear, to stop and look at it enough to have enough simplicity about to really feel and know and really kind of get into the deeper and deeper is to is to be able to tease apart and see where is it fear useful, what is good about it and what is not. And in a sense, all fear is useful and that it's a message to look deeper to listen what's going on here. We don't want to bat away or or be unwelcoming to that part of ourselves which are difficult or unwholesome or that which keeps us entangled or caught. That deserves our kind wholesome attention just like anything else. And so this ability to begin having observation or mindfulness awareness that can take in everything the host The unwholesome that is a wholesome way of observing, it's a wholesome mindfulness. And that also we want to preserve that also we want to protect what a great gift it is, to be able to look upon our full experience, kind of through the eyes of freedom, the eyes of being awake, that doesn't condemn anything, doesn't change anything doesn't be little ourselves because of what's going on, but rather holds it all in a generous, open free way without getting entangled without getting pushed around by it. And so to learn to be free with fear, to learn to have fear not limit us, but learn the art of helping having a supportive, helpful fear do the opposite of limit us who keep us in worlds of freedom. And this is where fear can be a partner with confidence as the kind of fear that undermines confidence begins to wane and confidence in practice confidence in our being alive confidence that we can rest in our own dignity and value. Then fear can be a partner to that confidence, where we are cautious around losing that we're cautious about things that arise that want to convince us that we're less than that convinced us that we don't want to be that or, or that we're supposed to be angry are supposed to be greedy or we're supposed to be somehow contracted and to have the confidence to be here in the world, and they one of the ways that's talked about in the tradition is talk about being fearless. And that's a beautiful way to have the confidence of fearlessness.
But I think you have to be, you have to be kind of cautious that it's a fearlessness that doesn't still have fear operating. Its fearlessness, where fear the degree supports the fearlessness supports that confidence in a wise and good powerful way. So I hope that this tender topic for this week this topic which should be entered with a lot of care and respect and and certainly I don't want to give the sense the idea that this is an easy topic to touch into and and that is supposed to be just kind of just do these simple words that I talked, taught that as if it's like a straightforward thing to Deal with fear. Fear is a profoundly deep and, and important part of our life that can be quite difficult to work with. And, and it's usually fear has been embedded in us very deeply for very significant reasons. And then should be deeply respected and cared for and loved and take our time. But it is possible to move into the wholesome and move into what is supportive for us. And to do that, and protect it and preserve it.
And I hope that this these days on fear has supported your willingness to look at fear, anxiety worry that you have to look at it from different perspectives and question it and maybe it just helps you kind of become wiser. Discover your own wisdom more for this very important human Topic fear. And finally, I'm convinced that if you spend time becoming wiser about your fear, you're not just doing it for yourself. fears are very common in this world around us. And when as we become wiser about our fear, it's actually a gift to everyone in many ways, and may this practice of yours be a support for the world?
So I'm happy now to try to take some questions and and I will do my best through the questions. You know, it's, I appreciate so much when I get the questions and have the feedback and back and forth this way. As we're waiting for questions I want to say because it takes a few moments for them to come from through though through electricity to me and want to say that you know, I Feel often sometimes I miss the intention of the questioner because I don't have the full context that I would have if we were in person.
Does fear and delusion relate? Oh, it can be, we could think that things are not worth to cling to, to hold on to to value. ideas we have beliefs we have, that we think things are true, are the things that trigger fear. So if I think that that was most important for being a Dharma teacher is having, I should really have white shirts, only white clothes, because that's the traditional colors for pasta cause lay devotees or Buddhism and I should really only wear white shirts. And now you know, I'm really afraid that you're not going to like me as a teacher because I'm not wearing a white shirt. That's a kind of delusion to be caught up in that kind of fear. So, yeah, there's lots of fears that are born from delusion. And that's why listening deeply. And sometimes if we can recognize that our fears connected to a belief, a thought and interpretation, then we can question it. And the idea of questioning, putting a little question mark behind our beliefs is so helpful. And if question marks not quite the right idea for you, just add behind whatever belief or interpretation or commentary you have about things. Sometimes it's really wonderful to add three words. Is that so?
Okay, so can you explain further how fear keeps us spiritually free? If we have some feeling of being free, some feeling of no longer Being entangled in greed, hate and delusion and we have an openness clarity to us then along comes a thought that so for example, it could be as simple as driving down the road I come out of my meditation I have to go somewhere I feel relaxed and open and peaceful and and I'm driving down the road and I see in the distance was a traffic light and it's green and I say oh you know if I if I just kind of go live but faster than the speed limit, I might be able to cross it before it turns yellow. And I could feel myself contracting tight getting focused on the light I can even feel myself a little bit worried looking around Are they any police there? And and then if I feel all that movement, even if I can know that oh, I want to go Pete that group stay To beat the light, I see that thought and I know from past experience, my calm my openness, my peace is going to be contracted and lost just because I want to look past the light quickly. Is that worth it? And I can have a kind of healthy feeling. No, that's actually dangerous for me to start in that direction and build the momentum of contraction and wanting and, and getting, you know, speeding up and being efficient with my driving. It's actually what I want to protect and preserve is a sense of freedom and openness that's worth protecting. And so there can be a very simple caution, very simple fear. Not that that's dangerous to start going that direction to get involved in that. I hope that answers the question is some example.
What can we do to enable people in our country to make political voting decisions and not from places Fear, but from wisdom and love? I think always we want to start with ourselves to really get, you know, it can take a long time to really explore the depths of our fear and really know it for ourselves inside and out. And then to offer yourself to the world around you in a way that they have nothing to fear from you that you're able to talk with people even with wildly different political views and you to talk to them in an honest way and supportive way not supportive. Exactly, but but, you know, emotionally supportive way. So they have nothing to fear from you. And sometimes when people are with someone, they don't fear, something relaxing, and unfolds and you can get deeper and deeper and find out what's going on for them in a deeper, deeper way. And then sometimes that's when they conversations and our common humanity and something useful can start happening when both parties have really understood themselves more and more deeply. And that's a great question, but it's for now that's the short answer.
Please say more how fear supports fearlessness, confidence. Well, there is a you know, you feel that. See, what I'm trying to say today is once we discover something, good, healthy, worthwhile way of being inside. And the more we practice, the deeper we go, the more we discover there's a way of being in the world that's really beneficial and, and that other ways that we've been living for years, were actually harmful for us there was just add a lot of stress to our life, always the stress always this. You know something off about how we were with other people with ourselves all kinds of things. And then there can be a fear that comes with up when we see the possibility that I might lose touch with that, wow, I don't want to go back in that that's not good. That's not safe for me to go back into that stressful world, to go back into the place where I lashed out in anger was so easy so easily. And so I'm afraid of doing that again. And so that fear tells us, oh, maybe I should stop. Maybe I should take a deeper look here. Let me go back and find that place of confidence. And if I can find that confidence, then maybe I could take care of life or even go back to certain places in the world that I need to go to in an effective way. But I can't take care of things effectively. If I go back to my that stressful way that I was before. So something like that.
Every time I calm my mind, I find that there's a lot of tension and anxiety in my stomach that doesn't go away. I think I tried to have At the end the day, how would you work with it? With this great, I've had that. When I first started the first years of meditation. I had a lot of tension in my stomach and I would hold my belly tight and contracted. And what I made a habit of in meditation was maybe no more than three times in the course of a 40 minute meditation. I would relax my belly. And within a few seconds, it was contracted again. I didn't make it a project. I didn't tell myself I was wrong for having a tight belly. But those you know, at the beginning the middle some other time, I would relax it. And slowly I you know, it just kind of began to dissipate. Eventually, I still had it when I started to be passing that practice. And what I learned from Vipassana practice was to really go into the fear the tension is that contractions were and I learned to kind of whenever there was Fear, I would drop my attention right into the heart of the fear right into into those muscles, for example, in the belly and just be there and just breathe with it hang with it. And I wouldn't be I wouldn't be working with it, it wouldn't be try so much to let go and relax anymore. But I would just be with it hang out with it until the tension in my body released itself or changed in some good way for itself. So, we can do a little bit to relax. But in vipassana when it's appropriate, it's really good to just go right into those contractions in the belly and hang with it as if you're going to be there forever with it. Don't make it a problem. Don't make it a project, accompany it care for it. Our muscles are our self liberating our muscles. Know what to do to relax. If we Give them a chance. And then we do give them a chance through being present for it.
What is the difference between fear and anxiety? How to deal with a ladder with anxiety? So that maybe the definition of these terms varies from person to person, with the way I was defining fear, for this week, is fear is an umbrella term that covers a whole range of things within it. And, you know, so anxiety is one kind of fear. But what characterizes anxiety is, is generally has nothing to do with what's happening in the present moment. Generally, it's some kind of prediction of what's going to happen. And as a prediction is belongs a little bit to the world of the imagination. And we imagine what's going to come I'm anxious about it. People I'm going to meet, because I imagine that all kinds of ways in which that meeting can go wrong. And so the imagination and sometimes the more the imagination comes alive, the more anxiety there can be. And it can be a feedback loop loop, the more anxious we feel, the more that tends to promote anxious thinking or anxious, anxious prediction. And the more though, we're predicting something terrible happening, the more the system feels anxious, and it can sometimes begin to panic attack around anxiety. So to learn to see that when we're anxious, that there's a belief system, there's ideas, there's imaginations operating, sometimes can be helpful. And at some point, after many years of practice, I don't want to say this is easy. But one thing that really helped me was that because I had a lot of anxiety when I was younger, was I'd be anxious about things that were going to happen later in the day, the next day, the next week, whenever. And, after a long time of paying enough attention to what was going on. I noticed that my predictive abilities were really poor. That in the earlier I just thought my predictions were true. I had no i didn't question them. I just thought but of course, you know, that's, it was kind of living in the predictions the imagination was going to happen. And it's kind of like this is the truth, because I didn't know any differently. So, so compelling. And so this was what reality is kind of. But as I started seeing my mind more clearly and settled more, I realized after a while, that most of the time, I predicted it wrong. Sometimes that event was canceled, and you know, and that was it. wasted anxiety because didn't happen after all, or I came to this situation and the whole thing was different than I ever could have imagined. And so many different ways my predictions were wrong. And after a while, I, when I saw that clearly, that helped me actually, to just not believe them so much, and not get so involved in imagining the future so much that I would be kind of sometimes, you know, pretty anxious.
Can you comment on the difference of peeling back the layers of fear while sitting in meditation, as opposed to dealing with fear outside of meditation, such as talking it through with friends? Oh, there is a definitely can be a difference. But I want to first say that they're both valuable. And so how you know, don't you know, if you don't, if you don't have to choose one over the other, you know, in the course of a day or time please do both. The, I think often when we're talking about something like fear or difficulties it's addressing they're looking at it from a different point of view, then the experiential just making room for to exprience it. Talking about something like fear, it's easy to be more problem solving, it's easy to be more analytical. It's also in a nice place sometimes when it's not analytical or, or problem solving. Talking about a fear or emotion sometimes is useful way to kind of give it expression. Sometimes it can come out of us and not be bottled up. And it can kind of almost like it. It shows itself more clearly, in when when we express it, and that can be really helpful. Sometimes we're talking to other people, we're getting feedback or feedback loop that we hear ourselves say things that we would never have seen. Dinner, you know, privately to our own thinking mind. Sometimes our subconscious mind will kind of bubble over into things we say and say, Oh, that's what's going on. And I didn't know that, that sometimes is not available so much if we're just sitting quietly by ourselves and doing our own thing. But on the other hand, sitting quietly in, in meditation allows for some deeper processing to unfold. It can we can drop down layers and layers of what goes on reactivity, thoughts, beliefs, feelings. And sometimes we can just let go, let go, let go and settle, settle, settle. Until sometimes it's easier to come down to some of the more fundamental layers that are associated with fear. Also, meditation the experiential side of meditation, which is not thinking about not problem solving about things can allow the self liberating or the self healing or the processes A very inner life to unfold and move evolve on their own. And this is one of the great gifts of meditation practice is, is come, come to the point in meditation, where we're comfortable and safe enough and open enough, strong enough with the mindfulness, that we don't have to be the person in charge of our healing or our the unfolding. There are powerful and very effective processes within us of, of resolving of opening, a freeing of healing, that if we can just get out of the way and really allow for, it gives us a very different feeling or for our life, than if we're always the one in charge all these ones kind of doing it. And sometimes if we're talking it's a little bit too talking from the point of view of the self who's a little bit the agent. Meditation allows the agent to kind of take a rest Some deeper wellspring of goodness to kind of take care of things, if we get out of the way.
When strong fears arises, is there a technique that you could suggest to get centered? Thanks. That's a very that's a great question. And it's a very personal answer. People are so different from each other and the fears and what's what's the impact of the great fear is so different from people that it's good to kind of have a learn a whole series of different things, to know what's best for you and also to know what's best in different circumstances. Sometimes, it might be really good if there's strong fear to find someone, a friend to talk with and go for a walk with and really talk it out and hear what's going on for you. Maybe you hear for yourself what you're thinking, and it's good. Sometimes there is a strong fear you want to go and sometimes clearly do something that's an antidote, find someplace that's really safe. Find a person to be with it, you feel really safe. Sometimes when they're seeing a really strong bottled up fear or something, something dramatic has happened. And we're kind of like, it's good to move. It's good to kind of go and exercise or go for a walk someplace vigorously. Or if you're kind of the kind of person who likes to do this, you know, maybe pull the curtains in your home and turn on music and dance by yourself. And so and just let them move your neck, your body just move whatever way it wants. So the fears not kind of held up or bottled up in the body. Because, you know, fear sometimes they're strong really wants to be kind of discharged, almost done, and then not be kind of stuck. Sometimes it's useful to do writing, journaling around fear and an interesting exercise for journaling is is to start with a sentence I'm afraid of, and then write it, you know, 50 times. And each time see what different words and you know, after a while just don't have any inhibition. Don't worry about what you're right. Don't worry about the grammar, don't write, don't worry, the image is true. The idea is just to let the expressivity just find its way on paper and start with the words I'm afraid of. And that might be fascinating to start seeing and, and all the different things that come up in all the layers and aspects of something that's related to the fear that you're feeling. And also, after a while, there's something about putting it on paper that can create a some objectivity, or disentanglement or something like feeling of, oh, that's what it is. There's fear. I'm here and fears there. As opposed to I am afraid I am the fear Kind of meditation I hope is helpful with fear certainly has been hugely important for me with my fear and anxiety that I had when early years of practice of meditation probably did more for me in working through fear than almost anything else. Partly because I just started as I started to discover that some of the beliefs about myself in the world weren't really true. And that I discovered what was truer in the depths or the clarity or the peacefulness, the calm of meditation itself. And that began kind of breaking up the authority of the fear that I was living with.
Can you give an example of fear being helpful for confidence? Oh, I think that was similar to a question I already gave. The, like, imagine maybe the calling to give a speech someplace. And, and I have confidence to give the speech in front of a group of people. And, and then the you know, I started thinking about a time I gave a speech and didn't work out. And I made a big mistake or something. And, and I can feel myself going into sinking into all poor Gil and you know, I don't know how to do this thing and I don't know, maybe I'll make a mistake again. And I could feel that Whoa, I better not lose this confidence. I'm about to give this talk. I better you know, this is not the time to sink into this self limiting kind of train of train of thoughts. And this is you know, this is not good. I'm actually little bit afraid that if I sink into that I'm going to lose this healthy, relaxed, open kind of confidence that I'm showing up here with. So I'm going to let go of those thoughts. I'm not going to pick that up, I'm not going to look into it. I'm just going to kind of let that fall, fall, fall to the side. So I can stay here with this. Another time might have been useful to look at what happened the last time I gave a speech and I felt bad and maybe it's useful to let it kind of the fear come up around that what happened before and, but not now, not for this purpose now. So then I the fear protects me to stay confident.
For a long time I was trying to figure out how fear figures into the hindrances. The more I looked at it, it seemed that fear is what underlies and feeds all the hindrances, your thoughts. This has you know, that's if this is what you found for yourself, fantastic. One of the surprises of many people who practice is, is, especially if this happens on retreats, where all day long, there's a heightened sense of attention to what's happening moment by moment, in a way we often don't have in daily life. And it's not uncommon for people to come and say, Wow, I had no idea how pervasive fear is for me. fear, anxiety underlies everything, every thought, every action every way that I walk and do and everything, I had no idea. And it can be a shock. It's actually very healthy to have that shock to see what's going on because it's part of that process of becoming free of anxiety or finding a very different way of being. So it's a kind of good news to see it. provided we don't get you know, discouraged by that, but actually feel encouraged that this is good to see because now there's a possibility of going beyond it. And so if that's your experience, great, look at it good. The way I'm defining fear for this week that it covers both the whole summit unwholesome, that probably, you know, you can maybe look at that fear more, from a little bit different perspective after this week to understand a little bit more of, you know, how is this unwholesome? And what are the unhelpful qualities and aspects of this fear? And one of the things you might discover is that probably your fear is anxiety. Rather than, you know, certain kinds of fears that are more immediate than, you know, the cars barreling down with you at the street. There's a whole different, physical, experiential way in which you know, real fear, a helpful fear feels, then things like anxiety.
Can there be a manifestation of fear in the body rapid heartbeat, without any fear or anxiety detected in the mind? Yeah, I you know, I'm not sure for sure. But I believe that's the case. There is. We're not always so conscious of what's going on for us. And, and so there can be deeper subconscious things that are going on. And this is why sometimes learning to be mindful and really being present for our bodily experience. Sometimes we get physical sensations, symptoms of what's happening emotionally, that we wouldn't have if we're just standing in our conscious thiking mind. We're kind of overriding what we're feeling or busy with other things or, or, and so I can well imagine that there's, I know for myself, that sometimes the first times I've recognized that I was afraid was not With some cognitive recognition, but noticing for me was my, the tension in my belly. I said, oh, there's tension. Oh, yeah, I'm anxious. That's what's happening. So I can imagine that they're racing heart can be that as well. That'd be a little bit cautious because there are medical reasons why the heart can race. And when the heart races, that is fear, fear producing. So I wouldn't necessarily say that the the faster heartbeats is rapid heartbeats is always from fear. Sometimes it's the other way around.
So I'm always wondering about anxiety. For me, restlessness sounds more like how it feels. How is it related to fear? Or is a restlessness also a kind of fear? Hmm. I like that question. I don't know if I haven't necessarily an answer for that. I think that the restlessness can often be accompanied by fear can be caused by fear and anxiety. And, but I can imagine this kind of restlessness also with greed, kind of the, or even hatred or anytime there's a strong motivation and desire for something to do something. And it's in a can't kind of be fulfilled, we can't act on it, that somehow the bottle the energy kind of makes things more agitated and, and restless. So I can imagine that but often I think it comes with fear, restlessness go together with with fear. So, but the it's a great question and, and sometimes you have to always remember that I think the wisest response sometimes is to appreciate how good the question is and then turn the mirror back on you. It's your job to bring your attention inwardly and really start. Use that question to help tease apart and see more clearly how it works for you. That's really where we discover what's going on. And, and, you know, I don't want to, rather than learning how it's supposed to be here, we think it's supposed to be from somebody someone else.
So maybe one more than then I feel like I need to stop here. Like fear can grief also be either wholesome or unwholesome? Depending? I think so. I believe that grief there's a, as Charlie Brown says, There's Good grief. I think that feelings of you know, depends. Again, remember that this is a little bit delicate because it has a little bit of question of semantics of how we define Words, but I like the idea that mean there is sadness, that comes, feeling of loss that, that I think is a huge thing, normal, ordinary part of life. That that can be simple can be just ordinary can be even healthy. That's not a problem. That is part of our freedom. And I my heart gets broken often. And the I read the news or I talk to someone who is going through some huge difficulty or challenge or loss, and it's kind of heartbreaking. I certainly feel sad I feel what I would comfortable calling grief. And it feels wholesome, it feels healthy, its feelings are rightness. I like the word rightness. There's a rightness to feeling this is what life is like. And there are other times when grief is there's a lot of attachment and clinging And shame and fear and, and expectations related to it that just makes it all gunked up and much more challenging and and I think part of the, the benefit of mindfulness practice and sitting with grief through mindfulness practice is to be able to kind of settle away the layers and layers of reactivity, commentary, second, arrows, all kinds of other things that we have on top of grief, so that the simplicity of grief can operate and I think if we can allow the simplicity of all emotions just to come and even a grief, that then it unfolds the way it should. And it's best not to have ideas of what the should, should be.
So I need to stop and I very much appreciate these questions and I hope that they were supportive of you and offered you a little bit something to Look at your life and be more mindful of and useful way and I hope that you learn to be wise about your fear and why and wise about how to be fearless in such a way that we really here to benefit self and others, he whole world. Thank so much.