you probably know that. If you don't, the size diversity Resource Guide has hundreds of places to shop. You can get that from Koh Phi. And so then you can decide I'm going to order a few different things. And then I'm just going to try them on in my room. See how it feels? You did it? You did it. Right. No one has to say. Now you might say okay, well, I survived that, you know, the, you know, the hell didn't freeze over. No one called the police. I had my arms out. And I did it. Right. So the next step might be like, Okay, well, I'm going to just wear a sleeveless top around the house for an hour for two hours for the day. And then it might be like, Okay, next, I'm going to walk to the end of the street, and then run back and be like, Oh, my God. Next, I'm going to walk the dog for 10 minutes and see how that feels. And at any one point there, there could be a barrier that comes up. And so then you're going to support yourself. So the reality is, you know, a lot of times people say, Oh, you think people are looking at you but they're not. The reality is if you're a fat person, people could be looking at you and judging you. Some a lot of times they could be not who knows right? But depending on your levels of privilege and your If you have any other historically marginalized identities, then it's more likely that you're going to be a target for unwelcome experiences, right? You might go out in the street, and someone might be like, Oh, fuck you, or whatever, you look horrible or whatever. And so what can you do then to help yourself? If that does happen? If that does happen, would that be too much and just derail you? And so you know, right now, it's not safe. So, instead of being out in the, in general public, you're just going to, you know, meet a friend who's super safe for lunch, and just stay in that one place. And you know, that, you know, your friend is probably not gonna be like, Girl, look at your arms, whatever. So there's an, you know, taken away that black and white thinking of, you have to do this. And if you don't do this, and if you don't do some big expression of confidence, and you failed, or whatever, because it's complicated, right? The reality is, being a visible, happy fat person means that you're going to be attacked at some points. And that might not happen for a long time. Or it could happen on a daily you know, so he's kind of so this is you know, all like building confidence building resiliency during the toe tinkling. Next, we want to reassess. So what is what is tripping you up? What is fear, what feels good, what doesn't feel so good? What things are really triggering you. So for example, your clothes are tight, because you've put on weight. And that feeling of tight clothes is really difficult for you. You're scared of health stuff. So you want to lose weight, fear of judgment from others, the mirror, if those things are coming up, how can you support yourself to feel better or safer, and learn more about that particular thing. Something about the clothes thing, I saw a post from Mindful closet. The Post said, buying clothes that fit when you've gained weight is a signal to your body that you will trust it and will take care of it, no matter what I'm gonna read that again, buying clothes that fit when you've gained weight is a signal to your body, that you trust it and will take care of it no matter what. So a lot of times we have this you know fractured relationship with our bodies, because we're just like, Fuck you, you're a piece of shit. You're gross, and our bodies like Oh, bitch, I'm just trying to fucking get around, I'm feed you and like, keep your organs going. And you're just constantly giving me Hey, like, fuck you. And our clothes are tight, stop that I don't like that feeling of it on my skin, just buy some new clothes. And your brain is like, No, I'm not gonna buy some new clothes, because then that will mean that I'm fat. Or that will mean that I've gone over the edge into whatever or it could be, I don't have the money to or I don't, there is no accessible clothing for me, whatever. But if you can, I'd say go and go and get some clothes, that feel good, right? That could be nice. And that can be a way to help gain that that trust with your body. Another thing that's really helpful is focusing on what your body does for you versus what it is as an ornament to society. And really, oh my god, the list is, is endless, of the stuff that your body does for you. And also recognizing there are people who are chronically ill and disabled, who might not be able to have that experience of being like thank you body for doing this because they might be having a really shit time had a shit life with their body. And holding that to. So again, getting out of, of black and white thinking. So finally, if if that type of stuff, you know, taking those steps and working towards taking actions to to do things that you're not letting yourself do right now because of the way that you feel about your body. And doing those things and seeing how that feel. If that's really not feeling good for you, then I would say that you you could if it's available for you get extra support from a therapist or a body image coach or someone that can help you unlearn anti fat bias, whatever it is, you know, anti diet dietician, fat, positive dietician, whatever it is, right? Because sometimes getting someone else's opinion really helps us see things that we can't perceive, helps us perceive things that we can't perceive ourselves, you know, shit, like, my therapist, you know, says things all the time. And I'm like, Oh, how can I not see that? Again, I have privileged to be able to go to afford afford to go to a therapist. But it could be even that you're just talking to your friends and say I'm really struggling with this thing. Can we talk about it? I can really you know, if you have a friend who is not going to be like, Yo, oh my god, you know I want to get diabetes, oh God, you know, fat people are terrible, you know, don't don't talk to that friend. Or it could be that if you don't have access to, to friends that you go and find community online, fat community is the best. And a reminder about this, this study that we talked about how to protect yourself from anti fat bias, a big part of that is feeling like you're a part of the group of fat people, you know, you're, you're, you're in the in group of fatness versus trying to get out of that group. Right. That's helpful for people. And also, part of white supremacy, culture is a sense of urgency, right. And so a lot of folks have been conditioned to expect instant results, especially when we've been dieting all of our lives, and it's like, lose several 37,000 pounds in 12 minutes. And, and so, you know, you might be doing these things, and you might still be be struggling for a while. And, and that's normal, right? Because think about how long you have struggled with not loving your body with dieting with anti fat bias, probably decades. Right? And so, if we're able to turn this around in, you know, years, that's astonishing, right? And, you know, I say that a lot of times, it is a lot quicker, because people are really kind of, I'm doing this, I'm doing this, versus where a lot of times just soaking up anti fatness, you know, we're not like, Oh, I'm going to I'm going to do a course on how to how to hate fat people more, you know, but you might be like, Oh, I'm going to do a course on how to stop, you know, unlearn anti fat bias. So. So, you know, I don't want to say it's going to, you know, if you take it to, you know, you've been alive for four decades. So it's going to take you another four decades to not hate yourself. You know, it's probably this probably not going to be like that. But also give yourself time and record recognize how far you you you go. Because I think a lot of times we can poopoo our achievements. I know I do. I was at a party a couple of weeks ago. birthday party with a bouncy castle. Yes. From my friend, Michael, who turned 40. And I'd seen some friends who hadn't seen in a while and they were like, Oh, my God. So you run on a BBC show. That's cool. And oh, you wrote a book? And oh, that's cool. And you did? And I was just like, Ah, you Yeah, I was shared. And they were like, are you hearing yourself and ask? How easy it is, you know, I'm just like, I'm embarrassed by my book now. Because, you know, there's some words in there that I wrote that I wouldn't use now. And that's not the direction that I would go. Now if I wrote a book and, you know, brutal, you know, therefore, I'm a piece of shit.