Episode_175_-_Complete

Vinny Welsby49min

Vinny Welsby

00:00

You're listening to the face value podcast episode 175 Six things you could be doing that supports anti fatness and can ruin body confidence. Let's do it

Vinny Welsby

00:27

Hello, welcome to this episode. I'm your host, Vinny pronouns. Live NRI era I'm alright. Hey, you liked the show one more of the show. Donate on cofee link in the show notes. Links for anything I'm talking about in this episode in the show notes. You know what this show notes doesn't have any links. Oh my glob. No. No links was today. But apart from Kofi if you want to do and donate and kofi, I'm not going to bang on about it. I seen this meme. This is a meme and I feel I feel it to my bones. What it says the meme says podcaster says, Okay, let's jump right into today's episode. And it's 40 minutes into the show already. That's what I feel like sometimes I do. I've been for ages. I'm trying not to do it. Because you know what? I'm like, it feels like you're my friend. And I need to tell you is it what have I been doing? What I've been reading what I've been watching or whatever. And I don't know you're probably not here for that. You're here for like, tell me there's six things that's in this episode. Oh, no. Maybe you do like it? I don't know. Give you a book recommendation. I gave you one last time. If you've never read it fat. So by Marilyn Wan is really fun. And it just held up really well considering it was I'm just holding up now I'm just looking at it. When was it? It was published in like 1995 or something. First printing that in 98 You know why? as well. Also, on the corner of the pages it's got like a little dancing fat woman it's hard to see on video anyway. But yeah, I mean, if I had written a book in 1998, Jesus Christ what would be in it? awful stuff. But Marilyn Wan current stuff in here. The heroes and villains of fat history. One of the villains is Gene night itch, founder of Weight Watchers. A hero Ganesha. Well, I thought it was always thought it was ganache. Hindu day T which is like elephant hero, Lillian Russell, a singer from 1861 to 1922. Opera singer, and then a villain. This is one of the villains that we talked about in the show. Louis Dublin insurance executive from the metro Metro metropolitan Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. You remember when when we talk about Louie Dublin. We spoke about Louis Dublin in the biggest scammers of the dye industry. Yeah, he was the one who let's see what it says about him here. Created and popularized height weight chart setup. And then we've got one of the villains Irving Fisher first calorie counter. A hero Renny Leatherneck inventor of the stethoscope, I guess Rene was a fat person villain. William William Banting 19th century diet a guru wrote the first popular modern diet book, which was called letter on Corpulence from 1863 sold more than 58,000 copies at six months of peace. Yeah, interesting. Anyway, it's like this. This is like a cool little magazine, but it's in a book. They go there's a little thing for you on their written frickin book and you're like fucking get on with the show God many. Anyway, so today we talk about the six things you could be doing that supports anti fatness and can ruin body confidence and this is for anyone in any body size. So, let's do it the first thing because you know what? I've been looking at old stuff that I've been making content for like, a really long time now, well, a really long time, like 10 years. And even like fat liberation stuff from like, 24 No, not that long 2014 2015 I just looked at a video from 2016 Can that be true that long? Anyway, and it was kind of like five things that you're doing that make you hate your body. And I was like, you could is interesting because you can see the growth that you have as a person of, you know, maybe thinking more nuanced about topics and thinking more intersectionally which is which is cool to cool to see. And also scary. Because in like, five years time, I don't want to be listening back to, you know, something I'm saying now being like, Oh, my God, what an absolute dickhead. I probably wouldn't be but you know, because I'm now I'm just saying, Oh, I you know, I have more nuance now. It's not like I was saying in 2016, I was a dickhead. But anyway, that life of putting content in the world of people can say, we're gonna have opinions, right? And that's absolutely fine. People are gonna have opinions and to, to live with other people having opinions about you, I think it's a skill right? Sometimes easier, sometimes harder. Okay, so six things you could be doing that supports anti fatness and you can add can ruin body confidence, maybe apologies to people listening to the podcast on YouTube over video, my my phone just decided to overheat so I could no longer use it. So I'm recording the video on my pad. Who knows how much memory my little old iPad has been doing? Oh, you would not believe the Palawa I needed my iPhone battery change because there was I bought a cheap charging cord. And it fried my phone. So I've now or something else to do with the electric or something. Anyway, so I got a went in to get into like a non authorized Apple dealer. And they replaced the battery. But then the screen was damage to the replaces screen. And then that screen came back and then that screen was damaged. I had like a something on the pixels. So then I went back again and then that screen was damaged. So this is third screen 123 screens. And then yesterday I went back and I got the fourth screen. And then since then my phone has been overheating and it's been having weird screens coming on to the screen and stuff and so they've done something I don't know what it is I don't have to go to back again. So I think I'm gonna call him and say a listen I'm gonna go to an authorized Apple dealer and whatever they find if it's got anything to do with you replacing the battery or the screens and you can pay for that to be fixed might be something else but I mean Oh lucky I my it those things like I wish I wouldn't like blame the person in store I just be like, ah shit happens so but I can imagine for a lot of people that would be very frustrating for me too, but you know, I try to be chill about it. Anyway, so let's get back to it. Number one making structural in accessibility and stigma about fat bodies being wrong versus systemic anti fatness,

Vinny Welsby

08:52

aka clothes don't fit. Therefore I am bad. Fat people seeking equity means they are troublemakers. So I think this is a big mind shift thing, that if we are able to make that shift in our thinking, it's really really powerful. And so I'm going to give you some examples. So like what that shift could be so instead of thinking these don't clothes don't fit so you try something on it doesn't fit or you go to a store and they don't carry your size. My body is wrong. This is proof that I am too big. This is proof that I'm outta control. This is proof that I'm an attractive etc. Instead of that self blaming thought or if you're a straight size, person thinking if that people don't fit then that means that they are wrong. Changing it to these clothes don't fit. They are not for me. They don't serve me clothing should be accepted. Simple, right? And thinking about, you know, the way that clothing used to be made, every single piece of clothing was tailored to that person it was made for them. And then when mass manufacturing came along, and they, you know, had a range of sizes, and that was it, then the people's bodies had to fit into the clothes, not the other way around. But in reality, the clothes should be fitting to us. And if they don't, you know, it's not you, that's the problem. And also, even if you are fitting into a certain size range, your size, whatever body, another person with that same size body could come along, and their body could have completely different measurements, they might have, you know, a smaller belly, but a bigger bum or wider legs, or, you know, whatever. And so even in someone who is a similar size, they could look totally different in the same piece of clothing. So it's not your body's fault. It's the fact that this thing that is meant to be serving you an item of clothing, its existence is to be able to fit a human right, Your existence is not to be able to fit clothes. Or, say, if you're a straight size person, wow, that person is too big to fit on the roller coaster. How embarrassing. Instead shifting that thought to wow, that roller coaster is not accessible for fat bodies. That is not right. So instead of it being a problem for the person, it's a problem is a systemic it's an accessibility is an infrastructure problem. Or another example. It's not fair that people can get two seats on an airplane and take up my space. versus trying is not fair that airplane seats are not made for a lot of human bodies, and fat people often how often have to pay double to fly. If they even can fly, you know, because some folks that I was not accessible on airplane, or instead of people won't date me because I'm fat, and therefore I am unattractive. Try, people won't date me because I'm fat. And that means they are living with fat bias. That hurts me society and also hurts them. That's not okay. Also, they're losing out on this mega Babor. Which is me their laws. Okay, so that thought process of a fat body being a problem two systems of inequity being the problem. And actually, that's the way that a lot of Disability Rights Advocates define disability is that it is not the physical impairment that is disabling. It is the environment that is disabling. Because if the environment supported people with different abilities, there wouldn't be that dis ability. So disability referring to environmental factors, not individual impairment factors. Just realize that there you go. Don't get me I was thinking about that. And my brain was thinking about that. And I didn't even realize when I was making this. Okay, so number two is spending time with fat verbs and not setting boundaries. So if you have the privilege of being in a smaller body or white or someone with another privileged identity, then you need to use that power to shut down anti fatness. If you're fat, then, if it's possible, set boundaries with people about their anti fatness. If you can't set boundaries due to structural power differences, or, you know, many different reasons why you wouldn't set boundaries, it might not be the right time, you might decide it's not safe. It's not good for your mental health right now. But there's a lot of times that we could but we don't. Because we're nervous. We don't know how to do it. We don't want to cede power. Being close to what was it? I met my friend for lunch yesterday. And I said something you said she said you need to write that down. That is such a good quote. And it was I'm gonna write it down procs enmity to power is intoxicating. I'm probably stealing that from someone. Let me google it. I bet you like it will like that was said by someone really famous. And now I'm like, I've come up with this really good chi. Let me google it. procs procs immunity to power is in Docs cating Who's something from the University of Cambridge, the intoxication of power. subordinates become intimidated by the power of office and leaders become vessels of their projected fantasies is power intoxicating. Okay, so I don't think there's a quote from somebody. Proximity, the rays proximity to power is, is an idea, right? So, sometimes, not sometimes a lot of the times we don't want to cede our proximity to power by aligning with an other group, the other group in this situation being fat people or even if you are a fat person aligning with you know, ceding power, which is the power of being a quote, good, fatty we spoke about we've spoken about good fatty, slash bad, Fatty, on previous shows, episode, but basically good fatty as a fat person who is palatable, if you're a good fatty, then doesn't mean that you're bad or whatever. It's just, you know, things that we will do to survive. So a good fatty is probably a fatty that is like, I'm desperately trying to lose weight. I love eating salads, and working out all the time, I wear clothes that people feel more comfortable viewing me in a bad fatty would be like, fuck that I'm going to eat food, which you deem unhealthy. I'm going to not spend my life trying to be thin, etc, etc. The power of being seen as a good fatty is intoxicating. And the power of being in a smaller body, the power, the proximity to power. And the thing is like, if you're in a fat body, you've not you've not got that straight size, power, that straight large size privilege, right? But you're closer to it. If you're if you're a, quote, good, Fatty, and that's safer. So and so it doesn't mean that someone's like, Oh, I'm going to I'm going to fuck no, I'm not selling my power. It's just that it's more, it's more comfortable. It's easier, it's more convenient to not disrupt the status quo. And sometimes it's not safe to disrupt it. So like, it's complicated, right? So anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, protecting yourself if you can't set boundaries, protecting yourself from the anti fatness that you're exposed to, and because it is really likely to affect you negatively, even if you don't think it does. Sometimes we're so like, you know, it's a tsunami of anti fatness, and that people are experiencing, and then, you know, a, like, a light breeze comes along. And it's like, well, that light breeze doesn't affect me. I'm used to a tsunami. But you know, once we've managed to remove ourselves from the path of that tsunami, that will realize that light breeze is actually a gale force wind. But sometimes we're just so used to so much anti fatness that, you know, you can feel like, why is it that big of a deal.

Vinny Welsby

18:10

And I mean, if you've got someone being like, really, really awful to you, then the smaller things might not seem as big of a deal. But as you deal with them, the bigger things, the smaller things, you might realize that actually, that's also a big deal. Sometimes it's too much to think about like because it'd be overwhelming like, oh God, everyone in my life is anti fat. So anyway, so instead of hey, some scenarios, Mum, gossips saying your cousin still hasn't lost that baby weight. You responding with? Why are you monitoring people's weight? That is not okay. These are examples, right? You might be like, I would never do that my mum, or whatever sister tells you. She's taking weight loss and jet injection. She'll be like, Oh, my God knows I'm taking ozempic We go down on Tirzah Topo dot desertified. Whatever it is. Tell your sister. I love you. But don't support Auntie fatness. So please don't tell me any more about your weight loss efforts. I'm being quite direct here, right? There's ways that you can do this softer, more gentle. Or you can just say fuck off, right? You don't know. Whatever, whatever. Right? Whatever feels good for you. Okay, so, example, a friend says, I feel so fat and using fat in negative way. You know what would be so cool. If your friend says I feel so fat and they use it in a positive way. How cool would that be to hear? Oh, look how fat I look today. Aren't I juicy? Wouldn't that be so cool to hear? So if your friend says I feel so fat, ask you know say I'm sorry you're struggling. What's wrong with being fat? What is it that you're actually feeling? Do you want any tips on anti fatness on unlearning? Anti feminist? Not on anti feminists? They've already got that anti vaxxers down. Do you want any tips on learning anti fatness, hey this is account on Instagram that I like this podcast or listen to or you could say Don't talk to me about fat being a negative. Again this is important to think about your power in that situation your privilege in that situation. If your friend is a fat person and you are a straight sides person saying Don't talk to me about fat being a negative is going to hit differently than if you're a fat person hearing your thin friend say that because then you've got every right to be like shut the fuck up. If if it's you're a straight sized person and you're hearing your fat friends say I feel so fat going in with the you know I'm really struggling I'm really sorry that you're struggling with that and and what do you mean when you say fat? Like is it that you just feel like you're too big and and you know going in that way or or you might you know you might want to protect yourself because you can't hear that because you've got a history of of you know body image stuff. So finally weird uncle Keith makes a joke about fat people. So instead depending again on on your power and the situation and all that type of stuff. An idea is to remove yourself from the conversation. Say something like fat jokes aren't funny uncle gave change the subject or don't hang out with Uncle Keith anymore. So what I'm saying with this whole thing this whole section is spending time with fat folks and not sent it's setting boundaries is this stuff is impactful not only for you individually but for the world. Being a fat phobe is no longer acceptable like 2002 You know, when did shallow How come out? Like I thought that shit was hilarious. Shower how we used to be my favorites like top top 20 film shallow how? If anyone if you've not seen it, it's it's Gwyneth Paltrow wears a fat suit. Oh, world? 2001 Yeah. So I mean, it wasn't acceptable in 2001. But, you know, it was a lot more acceptable then. Yeah, so we don't Okay, there's not 2001 anymore. Well, you know, what are we inshallah how? And Jack blanks in it? I mean, come on. Jack backs, blacks been in a lot of phobic stuff. Okay, so, yeah, we can't just keep carrying on and being like, this is okay. And we're not going to say something when someone says something that is biased. And again, like a lot of people will do you know, a lot of people say to me, they're not saying that thing about me. Not everyone, because some people say yeah, we're uncle Keith says, I'm fat. And the fat is bad. Most of the time, people are saying, Oh, I mustn't eat that. And they're talking about themselves or, or, or being so naughty. And, and so it makes it harder, because they're not directly, like insulting you. But it doesn't make it okay. And that's like, the stuff that slips by and people, people will say, Ah, they're not saying it about me. So you know, what can I do? And my mum's never going to change, you know, my mom's 75. Now, and that's ages. And by the way, suggesting that people who are older cannot possibly learn because their brains are so old that you know that there's ageism it right? You have to give people the chance. And, yeah, I'm feeling like I'm being quite forceful and judgmental right now. So do what you want. I just don't want you on. But this is what I know is okay. When I'm talking to people, the same themes come up again and again. And the people who are further along in learning anti fatness, what I notice is that they're like, Fuck no, my mum used to talk about that shit, but I told her to shut up, or I don't have a relationship with my mum anymore. Or we're working on it, but she knows that whatever, you know, there's a difference right that I see of people who are further along in their own learning anti fatness journey and, and accepting themselves. Okay. So do what you want, ain't to bother you. But this is the things I notice. And also and also and also and also and also There's nuance in all of this that we're saying, because there's lots of different things that could be happening in your life outside of this. Okay, so number three, you don't understand or challenge your own anti fat beliefs. Okay, so you could feel okay in your current Bobbitt body, or maybe not, but you could still have a ton of anti fat beliefs. And the only time that they're going to come up is if you put on weight, then they'll come scurrying into your brain. Not always. But we're really good at thinking other people are attractive. People who look like us, and hating our own bodies being like, well, they, they know how to dress. This is a big one, but they look better. Like there's something better about them, even though their bodies exactly like mine. Or people who have bigger bodies, or you know, queer bodies in some way. Yeah, but but but but they're confident. Right? And because I'm not confident, therefore it means that my body is horrid. Yeah. So a way to understand or challenge your own anti fat beliefs is to ask yourself, if I were in a bigger body than the one I have today, what thoughts, fears, worries or beliefs come up? What would being fatter mean about me as a person? What would it mean about me as a person? What would it mean about my health? What would it mean about my tractability? My desirability would I be How might have I become a beggar? And you might say, well, I probably was lazy, or I probably did this or that. And so then it's like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Great. Okay, so, we've got a little bit of like laziness. Okay, so let's, let's lean into that. Let's explore more about fatness and laziness. And where does laziness come from? Where did we think white supremacy culture where everything shit comes from? So yeah, like health, desirability laziness? Will your partner like you? Will you have friends? Will you be lonely? will your life be destroyed? Things? Or, you know, you're like, this question I've asked many times. One or two people would be like, Oh, well, you know, my body probably would have done what it needed to do and,

Vinny Welsby

27:29

and I probably would have healed from my eating disorder. And I, you know, flabbergasted when I heard those answers. And that's, that's really cool. If you say something like that. Amazing. If you don't, don't feel bad, it just means that this just stuff is there. Right? That means that your brain is smart and soaked up the anti fat bias that is surrounding it. So say, for example, you're anti fat belief is I worry that if I had a bigger body, then I would have type two diabetes, I would have heart disease, I would have cancer. And so when I hear things like that, I might love it, because it's so clear, right? It's so clear. It's so digestible, and we can work on it. Okay, so we've got some bias around type two diabetes, heart disease, cancer and Pfanner. So you could say to yourself, I'm going to go to Hayes health sheets.com here we do have a link Hayes health sheeps.com And I'm going to look at what they say about those conditions and see if that helps, and if that doesn't help then I'm going to do some more research and look at other information and and also what could be causing those fears. Is it that is it shame from fatness and and diabetes? Is it fear that I will die is it the belief that this is a you know especially with a type two diabetes the fear mongering around it is just Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nelly and for a lot of people is deeply manageable condition. Right and, and the worst thing about it is the stigma and so if you can preemptively unlearn that stuff, not saying that you're gonna get type two diabetes, but you know, that'll be helpful for you and other people around you. So an anti fat belief could be that I will be lazy if I have a fatter body. That's another thing is that people will say I will have let myself go. I would just just have I would have just said fuck it and then I would have become fat. And so with that, exploring something like what's a big book called up book is called laziness does not exist. Laziness does not exist by Devon price. Really good book. Love that book. Probably mentioned it 100 times. Yeah, so learning colonialism. A ableism all of that stuff, capitalism that goes along with laziness, the belief around laziness, okay? So what comes up what comes up what comes up? So not not understanding that you would have those beliefs and what they are, if you know what your anti fat beliefs are chef's kiss, love it. That's like, I like using this analogy. And the analogy is the analogy is we're carrying around suitcases in the suitcases represent our beliefs. And some of our suitcases are jam packed with information and with evidence and with anecdotes and with experiences. And so one of the suitcases says fat is bad. And everyone's fat is bad suitcase is different, the contents are going to be a little different. But a lot of times they're very similar, right? We open the suitcase and we examine what is in there, you were like, Oh, look at this stinky sock, it turns out that this stinky sock needs to go into the gabaars Oh, look at this crusty spunk covered t shirt. Oh, let's burn that one. And those things represent the evidence. And so one of the pieces of evidence being type two diabetes is something that fat people consequence of being fat and fat. And because they are so greedy, they eat so much sugar, or whatever it is that you believe about type two diabetes. And then so you're picking up the crusty sock, giving it a sniff by looking for the evidence and deciding Do you want to put it back in a suitcase? Or do you want to put it in the incinerator. And with that, then you will also be putting stuff into the suitcase that says fat people are just human normal people, you know. And so if we don't even know what is inside the suitcase, or even though the suitcase exists that says fat is bad, you kind of it's a step that that we'd want to take. So opening that suitcase. Love it. Love it. Yeah, so you could have some, you could have some real doozies in there right of other things. And you know, you'll be your experiences to have your mum doing this or you know, your auntie saying that or a teacher doing saying whatever, whatever experiences you've had, and the media that you might have consumed. So moving on to number four, and we're talking about media. So following predominantly normative white people on social media. So I mentioned before your brain is super smart and, and adept at forming biases, right is our brain is doing like making shortcuts, deciding who is in the in group, and who is in the out group. If you follow a ton of white, thin, non disabled, sis hit people on social media, who do you think that your brain is going to teach you is the quote, correct body? If you don't know what sis, het is, it means cisgender that means someone who aligns with the gender with the sex that they were born, their gender and their sex from birth are aligned. Hit means heterosexual someone who is not queer says hit people says what is the shorthand because that's a load of letters, right? So we cannot ignore the power of passively absorbing that information. Right? And a quick test, here's a little quick test, get your phone out. Open, your favorite image based social media is probably going to be Instagram and see the first 10 or 20 posts on your feed. Are they normative bodies? How many of the people are you seeing that are super fat folks? How many are racialized? How many are disabled? How many are trans etc, etc. Right? You might say, Vinny, I've just got dog images. That's cool. Dogs. Like now I have a bias that humans need to have a wet nose. And that very is because I've been watching so many dog videos, dog videos and make you happy, right? But if you're struggling with body image stuff, using social media as a tool is can be helpful. I've been looking at a lot of studies. I do stuff I do stuff as a dei consultant to so I've been looking at studies recently for for a big company on body imaging kids and looking at the research for the last 20 years. And so with social media, it was presumed that social media use the word destroy kids self esteem. And what they found was that image based social media parts are have apps so Facebook, if they're looking at other people's images that could be detrimental to self esteem. However, uploading their own images and interacting with community was supportive to self esteem. I can't remember what they said about I don't think they Oh no they did. They did that and saying that seeing images of people who look like you was also supportive. So you know, a lot of times we talk shit about social media being like, Oh, it's this evil thing, and it's ruining everyone's lives. But it can also be used as a tool to help you. Or it could or it could ruin your life because you spend 55 years on Tik Tok watching stupid fucking videos of slime. Like Muay Thai. Anyway, so see you have a look at the 10 first 1020 posts, what comes up? Is it here's the thing, right? Some people will say, Oh, it's all it's all anti diet people. Okay, what bodies are the anti diet people in? Our they're all thin. They're all white. They're all young. Hmm. Okay. So you kind of like a step there. You know, you're not following diet accounts, and then bodybuilding people or whatever.

Vinny Welsby

36:27

But diet people, but you're not getting that extra benefit of following people who are not in normative bodies. And the thing is, this is like stuff that you can do automatically, right? If your brain is doing this soaking up this information automatically. And so if we can have our brain soak up information that supports us and is not steeped in anti fatness, why not do it. And number five, that takes us to watching shows and movies with predominantly normative bodied people. And so similar to social media, TV shows and movies can impact us greatly. And I think potentially even more because they are able to tell expanded stories about what thinness and fatness mean, alongside imagery. It's not representative of the world to have a group of people who are all thin white, sis, etc, as the only characters of a show, right? That's not what the world looks like. And so you've beat you're being fed ideas about who you are, who humans should look like. And again, your brain is smart, and will soak up that information and make meaning from it. And so I'm not saying that you should never watch that trashy dating show again. I know I will be watching trashy dating shows. But be cognizant of the media you're watching and how one it systemically supports anti fatness and to how it teaches you that your body is wrong. Also is going to help you see things easier, which is kind of a curse. Perceive to perceive how things are maybe unequal. And, you know, taking off those rose tinted glasses being like wow, you know, like I've said before, I used to think the show Sex and the City was super diverse because they had a ginger one. They had a brown head one. They had a blonde one. And then they had another blonde one who was slutty. So, I mean, can you get more diverse than that? Like what the fuck? Really? You know? And so unlearning stuff will help you go back help me go back and say, Oh no, and it'd be jarring, right? Like I started watching. What's this new show that's on Netflix is a Spanish show. Deep fake love. This thing is fucked up. This show is fucked. What they do. Every I think every single person on the show is white, and thin or muscular. It's just like the whiteness, the fantasies. There is one queer couple. Anyway, what they do in this show deep fake love is they the couples split up and they both go live in different houses, right? This this five couples so and then they've got singles in the house. Then during the time, you know, do you know deep fake images, deep fake, deep fake, where they get videos of a celebrity and they're able to copy them and make them say anything that they want. Right? So it's a fake. It was a fake image. You know, it's a fake video, but it looks so good that you cannot tell that it's not that person. And so they've got These deep fake videos of their spouses like gobbling off some dude in the other house. And then they're asked, Is this a fake video? Or is this real? And they're all tortured by it is so unethical. Like they are. You can see they're having these visceral reactions, they are experiencing trauma. And even if it turns out that they're not real, they're still having those experiences and their body remembers, right. Oh my god, it's fucked up. I mean, I still have watched like five episodes. But then, you know what I started noticing being like, oh, only thing people are worth longing. Longing over. That's what my brain said. My brain said that and I said, Okay, time to turn this off. Might go back to it. I don't know. It's fucking Oh. It's, it's too rash. But I mean, if that's your thing, clearly, it's my thing. Anyway, so and as well, I think, you know, things like that. I think things like that. I think is Netflix going to be like, Okay, well, it's okay to show people dating shows where it's everyone's white. Everyone's thin. That's what that's what this person wants. And that's what millions of other views around the world, or is this just boring? And really, really, it's, it's really fucking boring. I mean, I can't barely tell. Tell them apart. You know, all the all the there's one. No, there's to this, because I've got singles in there too. So they've got like a cast of maybe 30 people. There's, I think two racialized people. So I mean, diverse. Sarcasm. Yeah, so I think like, isn't it? It's like, okay, well, they're down with whiteness, you know? Is there going to be like a label, the downbeat of fineness? They don't want no diversity, because I'm they're fucking binging the show? I don't know. Who knows, right? Anyway, okay, so number six. Believing that you are free from anti fatness had a interaction today. A diet account shared my a post of mine that says signs that you're struggling with fat phobia. I looked at the account. All of the posts were not all of them. 75% calories in this thing, how to lose fat, or how to best ways to lose weight. And so I commented saying, looks like you're struggling with fatphobia with the posts that you're on your account. And the account owner replied back saying, No, I'm not that people I know. And I was like confuzzled confused the fuddled because I said, Oh, you're not the one posting all of the calories and, and also, you've put hashtags on my post. There's a post that I made, right, it's my content. They put pasture hashtags on the post of Oh, word, this Oh, word epidemic, lose weight, or they stop a chef and I was like, listen, I said, even I struggle with fat phobia. So you probably do too. So. Yeah, so I will never be free from anti fatness. Because you guess what, I have this gorgeous brain. And I'm going to continue to soak up violent anti fat rhetoric from our world, no matter how much I tried to protect myself. And until we live in a fat positive utopia, we're still going to be bombarded with those anti fat messages. And our brains are going to be as smart and as absorbing and curious as as ever. So they're going to pop up, right? You know, like this example of me saying, oh, only only thin people are worthy of being longed over of being of being thought about and, and, and having someone cry from the fear of losing them. You know, passion, that's for thin people. So anti fatness popped up in my brain doesn't make that make me a bad person. Doesn't mean it's my fault. But it's my responsibility to look at that and say, is that true? No. Okay, well, I'm going to do decided to stop watching the show for now. When thinking about this, this is true. Okay, well, I need to get some fat romance into my head. I need to I need to break this down. And luckily, you know, I've got the privilege of doing This job during this job, right? So I'm thinking about these things. But that idea that that's it, I'm done. I've arrived, I'm, I'm never going to have a bias belief again. I mean, no. Unless you die at that moment, you know. So, you know, and as someone unplugged from the matrix you are. And I think that that that curiosity and that realization that you are not a perfect human being, for me, knowing that I'm not perfect. And also, I'm going to try my hardest. And also I'm going to say, Hey, this is, uh, you know, I fucked up here or whatever, I'm going to endeavor to do those things kind of makes me feel more relaxed, right? Because how hard would it be? How impossible would it be? Especially if you're interested in this stuff? And you're and you probably are, if you're listening to the podcast, how hard would it be to be like, Well, I've arrived, I've got perfect body image, and I never ever think anything anti fat.

Vinny Welsby

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I mean, that's not It's not realistic. You know, you're not giving yourself any grace, then we all deserve grace. Right? And so that realization of yep, yep, yep, yep, just for the rest of my life. And if I, if I've been exposed to anti fatness, I'm probably going to have more anti fat beliefs. If I'm stressed, I'm probably going to have more anti fat beliefs. If I'm in a new relationship, I might have more anti fat beliefs. If I'm meeting new people, I might have more anti fat beliefs. And it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person, it means that I have a brain. And it's my responsibility to unlearn that bias when I am able to identify it. I mean, like, that's another thing is like, for me, it's helpful to to pinpoint those things that that are triggering for me. And a big big one is is media media is triggering for me. And this is someone who does this work. And so if you are really struggling with body image stuff, and anti fatness stuff, consider you know, giving yourself a lot of support. Because if someone who is doing this as their job can struggle, then I mean, you know, if it's not also your job job, then it probably means that you struggle to and as you got it all worked out. I mean, I don't know. Maybe someone has got this, you know, magic brain out there. I don't know. Imagine, imagine imagine. I've never met them. But they're I've thought about this before. Someone who's like the parents had never said mean things to them as a kid, you know, no one ever bullied them or no one has ever told them that fatness is bad. Wouldn't that be that'd be fun to meet that person that they exist, right? So? Um, no, do they? Okay, well. That's the end of the show. If you enjoyed hanging out with me today and you want more first fatty or if you just want it to continue. So can tenya Then go to Kofi? And can the show notes 175 I'm telling you, like you would know what that means. 175 first fatty.com forward slash 175. Or just go to facebook.com and you'll find the button for the podcast or you mean you listen to the podcast somewhere so you'll find you'll find a link somewhere who knows? If you've ever got episode suggestions or questions for the show, feel free to email me fatty at first fatty.com I've got a really good cup of tea on the go or It's good isn't it nice when you've got a nice cup of tea and it's a perfect temperature let me have a little taste what could be could it could do with being a degree hotter? I've been chatting too much and forgotten about that. Almost perfect cup of tea. I got it in my Yeti Yeti cup that someone gave me. Anyway I'm gonna stop fucking banging on about shit and let you run into the world. Stay fierce, fatty. And I will see you in a while alligator. Have a great day. Thanks for being here.

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