Ep 33: Finding an Identity outside of Work/Organizing, Therapy, and Repro's need for Pay Equity [Rant]

3:44PM Aug 17, 2022

Speakers:

LaKia Williams

Keywords:

repro

feel

rj

abortion

people

paying

episode

palm springs

jobs

podcast

support

therapy

talk

super

organizer

identify

work

experiences

youth

person

Welcome to Black Feminist rants where we center conversations on reproductive justice and activism. I'm your host Lakia Williams, and let's begin.

Hey, BFR welcome back, y'all. It's been a minute. It's actually midnight when I'm recording this, which I'm going to talk about a little bit in a second. But I just felt really inspired, I guess, to come on here and talk. And so this episode is actually going to be the first black feminist rant. So if it's been two years, and you're like, Okay, I'm waiting for an actual rant from her not like this super curated content or like an interview. Like, I want to know the tea, I just want to rant like, I just want her to talk her shit. That's this episode. So I'm gonna be talking about certain therapy, feeling overworked and underpaid. You know how nonprofit workers deserve so much more and how we need pay equity and pay transparency within repro. So it's a short episode, but it's really just a lot of the thoughts that I've been having and conversations that I've been having with friends. So I hope you enjoy it. And if you do enjoy this episode, or if you've enjoyed any episode of BFR in the past, please consider leaving a five star review on iTunes Spotify, wherever you listen to podcast. If you enjoy this episode, share with a friend you know other ways to support follow us on social media Instagram, Tik Tok engage with the content. But I'm gonna stop talking and we can jump right into the episode.

Ja it is 11:21pm on Tuesday, August 16 2022. And I just felt something was telling me to record. It was just sitting on my spirit. Okay. So if I am happy with what I'm saying, I really think I'm just going to put it out tomorrow because you know, Wednesday's are the days that I post. Before we jump right in, I want to put in a quick plug. I'm going to be at let's talk about sex next week in Dallas. I'm super excited. I went to the conference in 2019. And y'all after I went, I was like, Oh, I'm gonna internet sister song like I'm gonna be I'm gonna be working here. This is going to I'm going to be here. And that's what I did. I started interning there and so I'm super excited to I'm no longer working with Mr. Song. But I'm super excited to be back. I love being in a space just a network, I'm I'm going to be doing a presentation with some other people. So if you want to come see me speak, let me know if you want to just connect and network or chat. Let me know also, I would love to meet up with people and just you know, connect or whatever. Oh, also, I'm super excited because for those of you who don't know, my mom was in Germany, the four years I was in college, so she missed out on like, a lot of the things that I was doing, and me and my mom were really tight growing up when I was growing up. And I felt that definitely put a strain on our relationship because I just had so much resentment. Obviously it wasn't her fault, but just so much resentment because I felt like I got the short end of the stick because no one was there to really celebrate my successes or like, you know, there was like a seven hour time difference, I think and like when I want to call and talk about things, you know, I mean, people were asleep it's like 3am the time like you know, understandably so I'm really excited because this song is actually fine my mom out to come see me speak that. I mean, they don't even know that whole backstory, they don't even know like what I just told y'all. And they didn't, they didn't need to know that to support me in that way. And I just, I feel like that's what it looks like to really embody your values and practice. So shout out to Danielle and Oreo for setting that up for me because I really appreciate that

and I'm super excited that she's going to be there and see me speak. Okay, now let's get into this episode. This episode format is going to be pretty different from what I typically do on the podcast. This is going to be kind of just like, I guess like a chitchat life update type situation. The title of this episode will definitely give you more insight I'm going to talk about therapy, a little bit about surgery recently, just kind of like what's been going on, and it's going to all be connected back to regrow. You know, because that's that's that's what we talked about on this podcast. But recently, actually, in June, I went to Palm Springs with some friends and interestingly enough, they were all repro friends. So I don't know if you know the Radha but the Radha it was her birthday. And so we celebrated in Palm Springs in the rato was on. I'm not sure what episode of what number episode, but it was about youth abortion storytelling. She's an abortion storyteller and an RJ organizer. So four of us went out to Palm Springs to celebrate and it's so funny because we all met through repro like half of us met through Advocates for Youth youth activist program, and the other half met through Eclipse reproductive rights activist Service Corps internship program. And they both happened like 2020 During COVID So like normally those groups would like meet in person and have like go to in person conferences and stuff but you know, that was stolen from us. So we've only like really interacted online so it was actually my first time meeting Sara and Alyssa in person, but it was so much fun. We had a great time. I was telling them like we really went on a trip and all came back friends and you know that don't always be happening and people go on girls trips and come back enemies so very happy that you know, everything's good. We had a great time got to meet you. Whether to just like learn more about each other outside of work. And Alyssa is actually part of the reason that I'm recording this type of episode, she made a comment and she was like, you know, you're so funny, like, I never would have known via, like, you know, BFR and everything, like you're so serious on there, you should like, kind of like show more of your personality on the podcast. So I'm not going to be honestly, I'm not really funny, I think I'm more of like, the I Am the joke a lot of times, so I'm not going to be telling any jokes on here or anything, but it is going to be a little less like, it's gonna be less serious in the fact that I'm going to not be talking about like facts and like statistics, but it's going to be serious in the fact that we're gonna be talking about like therapy and mental health, but like, it's not that deep like, but actually going to Palm Springs hang out with, you know, my friends that I met, and repro actually ties into therapy and what I, you know, kind of wanted to structure this conversation around. First of all, I'm in therapy, it's very new, I started therapy, May 31. Actually, that was actually the day before I had my surgery, which was June 1, which I know I'm jumping from thing to thing, we're going to circle back to the surgery thing in a second. Because that ties into therapy, too. It's all going to connect, but let's stick with therapy for the time being. So I've been in therapy for you know, a couple of months, like two or three months, it's definitely been an experience, I definitely feel like, I have my highs and lows. But one thing that I really want to talk about today is what I was speaking to my therapist about, and I was really telling her like, I feel like, and I know this is so common, and like so many people, I feel like especially young people, experiences where like you just feel like you over identify with your work and the things that you do. And I feel like for me, people have always kind of associated me or identified me as like, you know, a repro girl like, oh, you know, she's a Plan B girl, you know, on campus when I, you know, started to plan B program at my school, or you know, she's the president of the RJ club at school, or, you know, oh, she works at SR Saunders. She does this, she does that. And it's like always repro related. So I've never had an issue with people kind of identifying me as someone who's like working in a repro. That's never been a problem. But I feel like recently it's transitioned from that being how people identify me, and that actually being my identity. And that's really come to head recently. Because like I said, I've been doing rebirth stuff since like 29, like 2019 is when I got really heavy into it. But honestly, since 2017, I've been getting my foot into repro. But I really like dived headfirst into it like into organizing into working for nonprofits in 2019. But recently, I don't know if y'all know, but I work at a university and I do Reproductive Health Research. And so you know, that's it's not RJ but it's regrow. Right. And I also work part time on an abortion campaign. It's

like self managed abortion, abortion pills work. And so you know, repro again, and then for almost a year, I've been the Social Media Manager for an abortion hotline. Specifically, it's the miscarriage and abortion hotline. I think I can say that. So I do their socials. And so through my three jobs, they're all repro related. And two of them are abortion specific, which can be very heavy, like today, like earlier before. So I have a therapy session at 9am. And at 830. We were on the phone with lawyers talking about like, potential for criminalization and like being arrested, like, the call was great. I felt super support and everything. But it's just like, why do we have to think about this, like, that's a whole nother topic. But like, the work can get heavy, right? So I'm doing repro and my nine to five part time job talking about self managing abortion, and then my contract work, creating abortion content and educational pieces. And then BFR is RJ right. And BFR is growing. That's something I also want to talk about as well. Currently, we have an eye on the team, who if you're on Instagram, if you've met her already, but we also have Chelsea, who hasn't been introduced on Instagram, I don't think but they are supporting with

their consultant doing like some strategic planning. And actually today I had my first interview for a intern for the fall. So I'll hopefully have an intern as well. So there'll be three people on the team outside of me, which obviously like, you know, supporting slash managing that many people, even to people it requires a certain amount of effort and I honestly don't feel like I've been giving it honestly my all especially since I've recently started the second job with the abortion campaign that I mentioned. But basically, what I'm trying to highlight in this is that so much of my day is centered around Repro because you know, that's that's paying the bills and then on top of that, like I create content for BFR. I forgot that that's another big piece and so creating Instagram content and Tik Tok content a lot of that is RJ specific and you know recently since Roe has fell a lot of that is abortion content. So what I want to decompress, I am I'm claiming it I am a chronically online Agenzia that is me. I am her. So when I want to get online and decompress, I can't decompress with abortion content not in the state of the world today. That is not decompression material. So it's like you're at work, and then you go to your other job and then other job and then

You email with the people helping you with your Podcast, the podcast team. And that's all repro. And then you want to WUSA and you get on Tik Tok, and it's the more abortion gods and it's like, I can't get a break. So that kind of goes into the whole topic with my therapist today about like, feeling like my whole identity is now repro. Because on top of that, all the people that I hang out with in person are all in repro. So that ends up being a bulk of what we talk about. So even after work, and after scrolling on social media, when I'm in person hanging out with people, it's more repro. So a lot of our conversations are about what we do repro how we met repro. You know, we also talk about other things outside of work, but that's like a big bulk of it. And then obviously, going to Palm Springs with like repro friends, we're all working in repro. So I feel like even in like, my interpersonal relationships, I'm still talking about repro so much. And I feel like, I've gotten to the point like I've had to text my friend and just be like, hey, like, I really don't even have capacity to talk about work slash cerebro. Because it's just like, I feel like I never get a break. And now I'm kind of coming to like this nexus of like, I don't even know who I am as a person. And I feel like yes, so many people over identify with their work. But if you're like a software engineer, and you just like, you're grinding, you're doing that, you know, 10 hours a day, 12 hours a day, you realize that you're not a software like you just do this, to climb those the corporate ladder and be successful. But I feel like for the people who are doing repro, specifically and social justice work maybe more broadly, so much of the work is connected to our lived experiences. And so much of the work is informed by our lived experiences and impacted by that, that it's hard. I feel like for me, at least I can only speak for myself to kind of have that distinction. So like I mentioned very briefly on the podcast that in 2021, I was having tons of issues with my uterus, I was in and out of the hospital, I would you know, call my mom, I crying like I don't know what's happening, like, you know, borderline hysterical. And I don't say that word lightly. I'm very aware of the history of that word and how it's been used against people and to institutionalize them. And I'm using it very intentionally to just kind of paint the picture of how just helpless I was feeling. So I'm being very intentional with that word, I don't want you to think I'm just like using that word flippantly. Because I definitely know the history and kind of what that evokes. But I'm trying to evoke that. So you can really like see, I was not in a good place. And even since then, like that has brought up so many, like, fertility issues and stuff that, you know, I've spoken about briefly here and there, but not super relevant. But just like doing repro work. And at this time, I was working in nonprofits, multiple nonprofits, and like constantly talking about, you know, black woman's access to health care, and like racial disparities and health outcomes, and then actively going to the hospital and actively feeling like you're being dismissed for your concerns. And like, now, it's been almost two years, I've had the same issue, I still don't have a diagnosis. And it's just like, you know, these things, and you've read about them in school, and you're doing the organizing work. And then also, you're living it at the exact same time. I feel like it's so much and I feel like that plus me just doing like doing the work, like all day, every day, like into the weekend, like, it's so hard for me to I feel like have an identity outside of that. And I feel like it's really taken a toll on me. And I want to talk about this on the podcast, because I'm talking to Larada or spoken to Larada

and just other people and I know like, I'm not the only one like, it's so hard to, to kind of like I guess, separate yourself from that work, when so much of what we do is centered around our lived experiences. And that's something that we try to champion specifically in reproductive justice. You know, whenever I have an interview, I always started with, you know, at SR song, the national art collective, we like to start with, everyone has a story to tell and just reminding us to center I lived experiences within the movement. And like, that's great, and I love that, but then I feel like now I'm in a situation where I'm at worse, like, who am I? And that's my therapist was like, Okay, I was telling her all these things. And she was like, "Okay, well, who are you outside of repro." And I literally did not have an answer. Like, I did not know what to say, because I'm like, I don't know, my whole identity is that I'm going to be an abortion provider. I'm gonna go to medical school. I'm an RJ organizer. And I feel like maybe the newest thing is I create content, but even the content I create is RJ content. So like, everything is repro I feel like I don't have anything outside of that. And I feel like especially with the state that the world is in with Roe falling, and then my own like personal like, reproductive health issues, it's like, that's the last thing I want identify with, like that stuff is so negative, it's like, it's not a super positive space right now.

Am I outside of this work because it takes up so much of my life. But also, I feel like, we're also rewarded for over identifying with our work and for being like, Oh, you're the Repro person, like, That's so great. You're like, doing work that really matters. And it's so important. And it's like, I want to be in this movement space, I want to make a difference, like, I came to this work for a reason.

And so why do I feel like this, you know, like, I don't want to leave, like, I still want to be an abortion provider. So I want to be an RJ organizer. But I also want to have like a balance. Another thing that I wanted to talk about, which is similar, or related to the topic we just kind of talked about is being young and working like young professionals entering the workforce, the trials and tribulations. And the main thing for for the rest of this episode is really just feeling overworked. And you know, when you say overworked, underpaid, it is coming right after. And you know, part of the reason you're probably like, Okay, girl, three jobs like what's going on, man, they're not paying enough, okay, they're not paying enough. And this is, this is one of the issues that I have, I'm gonna say it with repro is repro loves young people. repro loves youth activist and young organizers. But once you become of age, once we graduate, and we're no longer doing free labor, or very lowly paid labor, and we're like looking for jobs with benefits and professional development, then all that love and support for us, it kind of goes out the door, like the type of support youth organizers get,

versus when they graduate, and they're looking for salary jobs, it's very different, you know, paying us, you know, I'm sorry, but sub minimum wages, I know, an RJ ethic is not to pay sub minimum wages. But if you follow repro jobs, and I, I know this even outside of repro jobs, you know, you know, I'm just gonna cite repo jobs for right now. They post on their stories, you know, people submitting salary ranges and just experiences working at different rubra organizations, the pay is not there, the the pay is not there. And for us to be in a space that I know not everybody who's in repro is RJ but I feel like every Reaper org should be working towards becoming RJ center. And I feel like that is kind of the consensus that that's what they want to do. But it does require a lot of work. And so I assume that everyone's working on that actively. But part of that is paying people equitably paying people wages that they can survive off of. I'm so sorry, but there's not a person in this country that is surviving off of $45,000. And so if that's your base salary, we've got an issue. And that's when you get people, I don't even make that little but you got people like me who worked three jobs, but I also live in the Bay. And you know, that's cost of living is super high. But everybody in repro is overworked and underpaid, or is overworked because they're underpaid. their day job is paying them pennies. So they've got to do all this contract work to make up for that. Or if you just paid people more and paid people what they deserve, based on just existing and doing work. Like, I'm not even getting into qualifications and years of experience and degrees, like people just deserve a living wage. And I don't have to argue that with anybody in repro, I feel like everyone knows that. And everyone will say that, and all these EDS will champion that. But once it's time to write it in that budget, a lot of those champions, quote, unquote, are disappearing. And that's, that's my big issue. So if we're going to preach until all these organize these corporations and tell the government, they need to pay us more Jani to lead by example. And I also understand I just had the episode with brandy. And we talked about philanthropy and like the differences in philanthropy, the racial differences and black led organization versus why led organizations black and POC led organizations do not get the same amount of funding. So there's definitely gonna be discrepancies and pay. But I still feel like that's no excuse. I feel like if you have to make cuts somewhere else, you need to do that. Because if you cannot even support the people who are running your organization, how can you support people out in the community? Like it's not making sense to me and you know, I know I'm on my soapbox right now, but this is called Black feminists rants for a reason. So if you are an IDI, I really would advise you to reevaluate your salaries because it's embarrassing, honestly. And that's, that's my piece on it. But thank you so much for tuning into this episode. I just edited the main piece and I'm recording the outro and it is 12:43am. So it is officially Wednesday. And I really think I'm going to post this episode today. So I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. But again, thank you all so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode or have enjoyed any episode of Black women's rights, please leave a review on Spotify or Apple Music or wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, just a quick plug BFR is has a call for proposals for our black youth sexuality season. So check out the description box below. There'll be more information but essentially we are paying youth storytellers to talk about their experience with black sexuality. Thank you all so much. I will talk to you on the next episode.

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