it isn't a thing, I guess, I guess probably my Coca Cola addiction was a big part of my identity, especially when I did go to university and I struggled to fit in socially. So the third year of my university was just a bit just a complete Nutter write off, I really left my house and didn't really socialise. And when people were saying goodbye to each other at the end of the year, I didn't go to any of those parties or any of those farewells, I just really felt like it wasn't fitting in at all. Again, Paige and Dr. Freud. I don't know what was going on there. Only when I came to to London as well, when you move into the media, I would joke about it. But I was terrified. I was genuinely terrified. Because not drinking is a big thing. For me. It's a very serious choice that I've made. And I made it from a very, very early age, I knew I was about 11 or 12. I was never going to drink alcohol. It's not a religious thing. I'm not religious at all. It's just something I knew I wasn't going to do. And I tried it over the years I have tried it because there's so much pressure Oh, try this. Try this. You don't know what it's like until you try it as he Okay, I'll give it a go. I'll give it a go. And it's like this is horrible. How can you fish it? A friend of mine who almost trained himself to become a beer drinker, and now is a bit of a beer connoisseur. He said it takes a year takes a year. And so I do not have that kind of time to commit to drinking something I don't like I'm not going to do it. It was okay. But I was a journalist. First of all, because I was living at home I was living in Northern Ireland, I was insulated. But then suddenly you find yourself in London and you don't know anyone and you're trying to fit in to an industry and at the time magazine that has a very hard drinking culture. And I felt so apologetic about not drinking and I felt so judged for not drinking. And I think one of the best things that could have happened at the time was the editor of empire at the time, Emma Cochran didn't drink also. And although she wasn't around them, because I was actually covering her maternity leave, not as editor, they wouldn't be like mad. But she was there for a few weeks, at least before she left with Nia to have a baby, have a baby, have a baby. And that kind of made me feel a little bit more at ease. But I could feel it sometimes when I went to the pub after after work with some of the people who were there. Oh, lovely, lovely people. And they were very, very welcoming and accepting. But I always felt a slight undercurrent of he's not drinking therefore he's not one of us. But it's interesting that empire now is so different. It's so it is so changed the drinking culture has has gone and actually it's quite a few Tito bottlers slash non drinkers slash not very heavy drinkers that at the magazine now, which is great, Helen, maybe you and I made some small part in that and I'm not condemning it in any way, shape or form it is what it is. No, no, not at all. You know, but I felt I felt for a long time, like I just I was I was really nervous about not drinking and will I be charged and castigated and thrown out basically. And I