If you're trying to come to terms with the end of a relationship, commonly repeated platitudes, adages and cliches are not likely to be helpful, although people may mean well when they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Offering such sentiments doesn't give you much by way of practical advice for coping with your emotions. mending a broken heart takes self compassion. It can't be rushed, and it might take some time, but healing is possible. Try not to view the end of a relationship as a failure. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn't matter if it was your first relationship or if you've had others before. Everyone, whether they're 15 or 50, can get to know themselves better and work on improving their relationship. skills. Thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect actions. When you're feeling down, you may engage in behaviors you typically don't. For example, you may skip showering or avoid getting together with friends and family. You may have a lot of anger around the relationship, including the way it ended. You may even be tempted to exact revenge on your ex or fantasize about interfering in or disrupting their life, including new relationships. Realize that sometimes a breakup is a blessing in disguise. In almost every case, I was glad to be done with it. I looked to the future and saw only misery. After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs. Start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss. After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs. Start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss. Don't try to suppress the pain. Be sure to remember the positive things that happened in the relationship that ended Also, don't waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings. Instead, invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal. Realize you will fall in love again and with the right person. I went from thinking about my ex every single day thinking of him whenever any sort of sad song came on, and now he barely crosses my mind. It just takes the right person to make you realize the benefit of your previous relationship ending. If you catch yourself harboring fantasies of getting back together, or envisioning that delicious scene in which he comes crawling back to you. Just smile at yourself and turn those visions off. Except that this chapter of your life has closed and tell yourself you'll be better off by moving on. If some of his belongings are still at your place. Have a friend relative or roommate stay home when he comes to pick them up so you don't have to see him. If you need to retrieve items from his place. Send a friend to do the deed. Resist the urge to call, text or email him to see how he's doing or to find out if he thinks the two of you made a huge mistake by breaking up. If he's contacting you tell him to stop. Delete his emails, texts and voice messages and don't answer the phone if he calls. keeping in contact with him now may leave you hoping he's thinking about getting back together. So cut him out of your thoughts. Thinking about seeing or talking to him will only prevent you from successfully moving on. Remember that hurting another person won't lessen your pain. In fact, it's more likely to make you feel worse and will slow the progress of your own healing. If you feel guilt or shame about your role in a relationship that has ended, it may be hard to be a good friend to yourself as you work through these feelings. Keep in mind that practicing compassion toward yourself makes it more likely you will attract that kind of energy from others. While some people take time to be alone look inward or see a therapist to work through the complicated emotions of a breakup. Others may suppress painful feelings and jump into another relationship. Use this as a chance to better yourself. the healthiest way to get over a relationship is to reflect on what you did well and what you could have done better during the relationship. This is a time to be honest with yourself, but also be fair. It is basically guaranteed you will come out of this much wiser than you were while in the relationship. Part of learning how to move on after a breakup is learning from your experience. This includes the breakup itself as well as your entire relationship with him. Ask yourself what words or behaviors you'd want to repeat in the future and which things you aren't proud of yourself for saying or Doing. And finally, the most important thing to do after a breakup is to stay positive. Know that getting over him will help you feel better about yourself and about your future. Aim your sights at forming a healthy new relationship with a wonderful new partner. A relationship in which you will feel so happy and cherished that you never give your ex a thought.