You're listening to What's the Deal. Grosse Ile the podcast that explores the people places history and events that make Brazil unique. I'm your host Ben fote. Back in September, we talked with the Grosse Ile Historical Society, about the events they put on for the community. Most of the events relate to the history of the island and the region, and event they're putting on on February goes a bit further tying together history and concerns of modern life. That event is a one woman show starring Breeda Miller, titled Mrs. Kelly's journey, the Historical Society's putting it on on February 5 at 7pm at the Trenton theater, you want to get tickets ahead. And as always, links are in the Episode Notes. Our conversation covers a lot of territory, including theater awards, eldercare, and story slams. Let's hear more. Breeda Kelly Miller is with us to talk about the show, Mrs. Kelly's Journey Home, which will be at the Trenton theater on February 5, and it's being sponsored by the grocery of Historical Society. I'm really looking forward to seeing it and I want to hear so much more about your word. Thanks for being on the show.
Oh, thank you, Ben. I am absolutely delighted to be here.
Now, the Historical Society's flyer about the play tells us that Mrs. Kelly is an Irish immigrant, and that will meet her and the people in her life. So where does her journey take her?
So her journey is from Dublin to Detroit. And my mom was an unwilling immigrant, if you will, you know, in those days. The husband made in many traditional Irish marriages, the husbands made the decision. And my mom. They were living in Dublin. My dad was a printer at the Irish Independent, a double a newspaper, and she was a homemaker had three young boys. Her she'd never left. Dublin. I don't think she made made no, I think her honeymoon was in Galway, but she'd never left Ireland. And her family, all of her friends were there. And one day my dad came home from work and said they were moving to America.
Wow. Yeah. Any reason for moving to America just well, it was
the 1950s. And jobs were scarce. And they wanted a better future. My dad wanted a better future for his boys. And he made this decision that this is what he wanted to do. And it didn't sit well with his brothers, you know, they for years held a grudge that Oh, Ireland's not good enough for Tommy. And he ended up getting a job in Toronto, at the Toronto Star. And that was his, his route to get to the States. Because honestly, when he got to Canada, it was a total shock to his system. Because my father was a very proud Irishman. And here he is in Canada, surrounded by the Brits, and pictures of the Queen everywhere. And he even he said he saw signs that said, No Irish Need Apply. Oh, and he couldn't get to America fast enough, honestly.
Wow. It's a family story. What what resonates with you with it that makes you want to tell the story.
Um, I think a lot of it is, you know, It's in two parts, you know, there's Act One, which is all about my parents arriving in America, and the adjustment. And the one of the points that I make is that, you know, my parents, they had huge advantages when they came to this country. They were white, they spoke English. And most people found their accents charming rather than foreign. And, and I really struggle I you know, I try to keep that in mind when I hear someone struggling with English. And I remind myself, they know more languages than I do. And, but But talking about the small things, the small experiences that they had adjusting to life in America, and they're wonderful, they're funny, they're wonderful stories. And I've learned that, you know, I thought only people who liked Irish stories or things about Ireland might enjoy it. And I've been pleasantly surprised to hear how many people say that it's my mom on the stage. Or that's exactly the way my grandparents, you know, that was their experience from Poland or from Africa or from other countries. So it's really, really great fun.
Absolutely. Detroit has so many immigrant populations that that that gels with I'm sure.
Yeah, yeah, well, Gateway. You know, I think with the border to Canada might have been part of it. I don't know. But
so you said that's the first part. Yes, is about that part. And then the second part was
a second part. My mom's journey goes in ways that, you know, no one really can plan. She's a widow at this point. She is late in life, and she has some health issues and she develops vascular dementia. And the tables are turned and I become her caregiver and I didn't know what I didn't know, all I knew was that I loved my mom. I had no training. And so it was a rude awakening in many ways. And so I wrote these stories about some of the experiences I had. And as a cautionary tale, you know, when I didn't take care of myself and I got burned out and exhausted and I was in the sandwich generation caring for three young teenagers. I had an office in my home, my husband was working Midnight's and I had my mom who was now in her 80s, with dementia, all living in my household. So I had the worst of both worlds. I never got to leave. But I learned things and and then I started helping other family caregivers and telling the stories. But the thing is, it's not a dementia did not define my mother. And dementia does not to find this play. But it's an important part of it, because it was part of her journey. And then, because I was her caregiver part of my journey, and the lessons that I learned from my experience it you know, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. And the best thing I've ever done.
Well, wow, yeah, and I'm sure that makes it an even more powerful story there.
Yeah. And really the power of finding the goodness, even during really hard times, and about family connections and end of life. And yeah, it's, I have to tell you, I it's the best thing I've ever done. I'm so proud of it.
It sounds like you should be can't wait to see it. So the show is, you know, we talked about who can who's who's the primary audience? Is it suitable for all ages? Or is there anybody who's not going to really get it?
I think small children might be bored, you know, because there's no puppets or you know, anything really. But and it is just me and I play four different primary characters. I play my mom, I play myself as narrator my mom, my dad, who else Oh, my mom's neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, who was the American who helped my mom just evolve. And her her growth. She they joined the Christian mother's group at church. And she learned Transcendental Meditation. And we went to see the musical hair in downtown Detroit, and now the National Organization for Women, and had adventures in northern Michigan, feeding the bears at the dump. And just all the life changing experiences that my mum had as a result, and then a few other characters are interspersed. And I play them all. I don't change costumes, there's no set change. It's through mannerisms through vocal inflection. And it's a hoot. So I don't know little kids would would would really enjoy it. But, yeah,
and obviously, you wrote and you perform the show. And it's received many, many great reviews, including earning you the wild Award for Best one person show. Yeah, how has that been?
I'm gobsmacked as my mother would say. I didn't. I didn't certainly didn't expect that. I'm so grateful for the people that have told me that they enjoyed the show the critics who have been so kind, but I'll tell you the most powerful thing is when there was a woman who came up to me and who said, you know, the words that I've come to fear, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. And she said, You don't remember me, do you? Would you help me? And she said, we took Irish dancing lessons together when we return. And I said, Oh, yeah, but actually, I did remember that when she made the connection. Anyway, she had recently moved back to the Detroit area to care for her 93 year old mom who is not doing well. She told me in an email after the show how powerful it was and how so many of the supermom was an Irish immigrant as well. But how many of the stories really resonated with her but how it helped her as her mom's caregiver and it relieved so much of the guilt that she felt? Because here's one of the biggest things I've learned about being a family caregiver, of of a person with dementia. No matter how good you are, no matter how hard you work, how you think of everything, all the resources, all the medical professionals, if you're a person who's used to getting the job done making things happen, you know, you're a fixer. This can't be fixed. And so many people feel guilty because their loved one is still declining, or that what worked today isn't working today. So they think Oh, I'm doing this wrong, what can I do? How can I help? And it's so frustrating. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. And people don't talk about it. And so I'm hoping that through Mrs. Kelly's journey home, that when we see a person with dementia, we realize the dementia is not who they are or who they were, or it is not the totality of, of them as an individual. And the people who care for them need support, and need help, because it's so hard. And people when they tell me they feel seen, they feel heard, that they learn things, and that they have a laugh, and they have a different attitude, about hospice, about end of life and about being a caregiver, that that's, that's the biggest reward that I get. But I certainly appreciate the reviews and the awards and things like that.
Yeah, it sounds like that's, that's the kind of review that that will stick with you for a while. Yeah. And then nobody will see. Yeah, and a lot of I'm sure a lot of your audience isn't in that position now. But maybe sometime, I mean, even if they're a teenager now. It may be something that it carries.
Rosalyn Carter, there is a Rosalyn Carter caregiver Institute in Atlanta, Georgia, and I love this quote from Rosalyn Carter, she said there are four kinds of people in the world, those who work caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers of those who will need caregivers. There you go.
covers everybody does. So everybody should go to the show. I think some will have links to get tickets and all that in the in the show notes there.
And it's not a downer. I mean, people tell me it's that warning, bring tissues because your eyes will leak. I'm pretty sure. But then the next minute, you'll be laughing. And I hope that you leave after you see the show uplifted, and and a bit lighter about some of the heavier things in life. Because it's, you know, it's inevitable. And we might as well find the goodness when we're dealing with really tough things.
Oh, for sure. And now besides this play, you also do some speaking about about caregiving directly, not not through the not through the play, but but through just keynotes and such I understand.
Yeah, I work as a professional speaker have been doing it for over a decade. And whether it's healthcare organizations or senior organizations or any, any organization done, conferences and events, for social workers, for people who spend their lives serving others, my focus is talking about self care, and finding the light during really dark times. Because it one of the lessons we've learned from our experience with COVID is that it's overwhelming when you are caring for others. And those people who are in the position of providing that care need to take care of themselves so they can be their best self. And and when they give everything they have to other people, they need to find ways to recharge their own batteries to to really be able to be there for others. And caregivers are the worst when it comes to taking care of themselves. Because I think they feel guilty. They feel it's selfish, like how dare I go get a massage when mom can't even leave the house or I can't go on a weekend vacation. You know, they can't go out how you know, they're so selfish of me. And I want to help people look at it from a different point of view, to say, if being your best self being agile in your brain and being physically healthy, means you can take care of others with kindness and compassion, and resourcefulness and all the things you need when you are being a caregiver. There's nothing selfish about that. It's the right thing to do.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's probably good lesson for everybody. Doesn't matter what kind of what kind of care you're taking, have anything. Take care of itself first, just like just like on the airplane, right? You put your mask on first. Absolutely. So these are these are some really important stories. If we're tied up on quartzite up on February 5. What's another way we can hear this show or see the show or, or other options to see you that work? Well.
If you go to my website Brida miller.com. There will be there are links to some video clips about the show if you want to get a taste to see what it's about. There are a series of videos I have a YouTube channel that's um, Brita TV. I need to update that. But I'm working on also some other dates in Michigan. I'm in Mid Michigan and Grand Rapids, nothing that I can talk about yet because they're still working out the logistics of it. But I do have a performance in June in the Upper Peninsula, at the inn, where is it be Curtis, Michigan, there is a beautiful new theater that unfortunately, they built this gorgeous multimillion dollar Performance Center right before COVID and then had to shut it down. So now it's back open. And I've not been there yet. It looks gorgeous. So that's June 22. shirt
has that that new theater smell?
So yeah, there's there's a show coming up that I'm very excited about in Chicago on June 10. I know. Sorry, march 10, in Chicago at the Beverly Art Center. And then we're heading to Florida for some performances in Vero Beach and Tampa in February. So yeah, things are really coming together. It's
Oh, that's great. Yeah, I know, I saw something of you from you on the Moth Radio Hour, or the story hour. And they've got they've got a YouTube channel. So you're on there, too. So that's a good place. We've got a link to that in the show notes along with with your website there. So the moth that's a that's a big, that's a big thing. I'm not sure how many folks on Grossie will listen to them off. But it's been on my playlist for a while. What was that experience like?
It was amazing. I mean, I try not to overuse that word. I know it's banned now. But it really was an incredible experience. I, I had this idea for a story which is incorporated in the play. It's one of my very favorite stories. And I thought it was pretty good. And so I went to a moth story slam in Ann Arbor and you you put your name in the hat, and you hope they're going to draw you and no prep, no coaching, no warning, you have like three minutes and to know you're going to be going on stage. And then you get up to the microphone. And it's go, and you have five minutes to tell your story. And they start playing music at six minutes. And you know, they don't have a hook comes into offstage, but pretty close. And then at the end the audience votes. And that night in 2012, my story ticket to heaven one. And I was thrilled. And then a couple of months later, I got a phone call out of the blue. And it was a producer from New York, of the national radio show The Moth Radio Hour, which is on most public radio stations across the country and said, We want to use this story that the recording of it from the the Ann Arbor story slam on the on the radio. And so they did and they've rebroadcast it quite a few times. So I think people like it, and it's in their archive and you can watch it. And so it was was just you know, putting yourself out there you have an opportunity, if you have a story that you think is good, and it was terrifying. But I did it and I'm so grateful that I did Yeah, I
think they still do a lot of that either like Ferndale or royal ochre or something
they do in Detroit. I know there's the it's monthly in Ann Arbor. I'm not sure if it's every month or even twice a month, because they sell tickets to it. And it's great fun.
Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. And sounds like you did a lot of good for you. So it did that's great. So the last thing and we haven't talked about this yet, but but the last thing I ask every guest on the podcast is for a wish for gross eel for the community. Pretty much any any kind of wish you want to make thinking, thinking about a brighter future. What kind of wish would you make for gross yellow or maybe Metro Detroit?
Well, I have such fondness for Brazil. We my husband and I lived there for eight years before moving out. We now live west of Ann Arbor. And in fact, just yesterday I was on the island. We had a family, our Christmas holiday at my brother in law's house and they live on Park Lane and we did a little drive around the island just hadn't seen it so long. It's so beautiful. It's such a gem. And my wish for growth zeal is just continued protection of the beauty of the island and continued resources for people living on the island. I mean, just the bike paths. They're beautiful when we lived there. They were just getting started getting built. But for people to be able to honor and appreciate the beauty. That is that girl zeal is such a special special place. And in fact my husband and I were talking to our daughter and her boyfriend about it Maybe you guys should move here. Wouldn't this be great? Because then we could have come back to deal?
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, that's, that's great. I think we all we all agree with that for sure. The, the beauty I, I remember a story, someone told me that during a football playoff game, a team from from west of Detroit had come in on the buses. And it was during that season in the fall when the swans occupy that area around the toll bridge. And the the boys on the football on the football team on the bus. When they got off the bus were amazed they'd never seen swans before. And the beauty of coming onto the island, we just have such an opportunity here that we take for granted. And
we take it for granted until we go somewhere else, or we invite people who've never been here. And they remind
us, guys, absolutely. Well, I'll tell you, I'm so thankful that you're sharing your work with us. And I'm so glad to get to talk to you today. I appreciate you. You're carrying so much important stories and messages that we all need right now not not just for for dementia patients and their families or, but everyone has somebody that that or some situation that that needs care. I hope a lot of the islanders are able to go see Mrs. Kelly's journey home. It's on February 5 at the Trenton theater tickets are available in the links in the show notes here or go to the grocery aisle Historical Society website. They've got ones there too. But thank you so much.
Oh, thank you, Ben. And one thing I will also say is, thanks to the Brazil Historical Society for, for getting behind this event, and the whole idea of honoring our generations, you know that the people, the immigrants who came before us so that we could live the life that we live today is so important and honoring that is a big, big part of this show. So I'm hopeful that it will help people remember their own stories and their own history, their own family history and find ways to share their own stories.
I'm sure that'll happen. Thank you so much. Thank you. Now that you've heard, Breeda Miller talk about the show. I'm sure you'll want to get it on your calendar. links, as always are in the Episode Notes. We have a link to a full transcription in the notes. If you want to share the episode with anyone with hearing difficulties. You can follow the highlighted words while the episode flex Mrs. Kelly's Journey Home is being presented by the grocery health Historical Society on February 5 at the Trenton theater. I'm sure you've heard this many times already. It's one of many community programs that society organizes. If you get a membership, you can get a discount on tickets and contribute to preserving and sharing our islands deep history. Links to the Historical Society's website or in the Episode Notes. And that's where you can get a membership as well. What's the Deal? Grosse Ile is produced by me Ben fote and foot Media Productions. Look in those episode notes for past episodes and ways to help me bring more of our islands culture to the rest of the world. Thank you for listening to What's the Deal Grosse Ile