126. Nicole Wagner-Moore takes over

Brooke Monaghan29min

Brooke Monaghan

00:00

We have one of my favorite human beings on the face of planet Earth. On the episode today, Nic, I call her Nic, Nicole Wagner-Moore has been on the show before. Back in the day. I don't even remember how long ago that was now, but you can hear more from Nic, if you go ahead and search for Nicole Wagner-Moore in the podcast feed. If you love this episode, Nicole's gonna come on today and talk to you about why you need to stop and where you might have learned to start shrinking yourself and seeking approval so that you can start living your fucking life and running your fucking business. Stop waiting for permission from out there and just access that permission from inside of you. This episode is going to talk about unlearning diet, culture and programming about our worthiness, recovering from disordered dieting, something that so many of us have struggled with, and the way that that shows up in other parts of your life. And it does. Nick's quote that I just could not get enough of from this episode was the rejection call that Call of you are not enough. That's actually coming from you. It's coming from inside the house. So how can we start to unravel that. And after Nic shares with you this brilliant, brilliant work about how diet culture has probably infiltrated the way that you think about things and the way that you think about yourself and affected your life and your business. She's then going to drop into self trust, and specifically her learnings around self trust as a business owner and how that has changed things for her. In her business. Nick shares a brilliant learning around understanding that when that self doubt starts to come up. For her, it's usually a sign that she is onto something big and that she is on the right track and how she started to change her relationship to that voice. If you love next work, make sure that you're following her on Instagram, make sure that you're checking out her coaching offers. If you're local to the LA area she does in person offers in a beautiful park out in LA. So go find next work I'm going to share all of her links in the show notes. And without further ado, here we are

Brooke Monaghan

02:34

is that the sound of a 90s rock radio station. A sound of the rule breaker takeover. For my rule breaking clients take over the show to share their wisdom teachings and lessons from their own business growth for a peaceful loving bunch, but we also reject just about everything that we're supposed to do. And if I say so myself, I think we make the world just a little bit cooler, and inspire others to bring out their inner badass. So deep down, I think we're metal as fuck. If you want to join these Rule Breakers and myself, you can learn more about the Rule Breakers crew at Brook dash monahan.com mo na, G H A N. But you don't need to be in that space to be in community with or learn from these brilliant business owners. So head to the shownotes to find their work, because we could all use just a few more badass isn't our network

Nicole Wagner-Moore

03:27

Hello, welcome to a takeover episode of transcend your dichotomy podcast. My name is Nicole Wagner-Moore, and I'm a self worth coach and facilitator. In my business, my mission is to help women who want to make an impact in their lives, who have broken up with diet culture, to quit the habits of diminishing and shrinking themselves for approval before they can get about living the life that they want to be living that feels aligned and meaningful. I help them learn how to take up space by teaching them and coaching so they can stop waiting for permission from out there, out there in the world. And instead learn how to access the permission from within themselves. I support women with an empowering style of mindset coaching so that they can navigate the next stage of personal growth and development. You know the shit that comes after saying no to more dieting. The unlearning of all the lies that we believed about our own worth and enoughness is what my programs are oriented around. I find resources for ongoing recovery from disordered dieting or disordered food and relationship with exercise To be really lacking, and not much of this work is done by fat people. And I like to be an example of unapologetically taking up space. So a lot of the work that I do, we orient ourselves around fat positive, body neutral perspective, there's just a lot of of learning and what makes my programs and my style special is that my perspective is informed by my own journey of overcoming the negative beliefs that I developed through the years as a chronic Dieter. And really, it comes down to this, the truth is that the rejection call that we feel as, as people that have been harmed by the wellness, culture, diet culture, that rejection call is actually coming from inside the house now, especially if you have already said no to more dieting, if you already have broken up with diet culture, but you're still struggling to take up space. That's because these rejection calls are actually coming from inside the house, they're our brains are still caught in a in a place of fearing that we aren't enough. That's why my work is centered around building and strengthening self worth. Because living with a constant drip of lies about our value as women who aren't willing to be thin, at any cost is harmful. And we get accustomed to the need to approve ourselves or, you know, to prove ourselves when I was dieting and hustling for my worth by seeking weight loss, desperately trying to take up less space, be thinner, be quieter, be less argumentative, be more demure, be smaller, back then I truly believed my success and failures revealed a truer snapshot, a truer measurement of my value of my worth. My self worth hung on what the scale said? Or what people said or didn't say about my appearance, my body you look great. They didn't say anything. Oh, I don't look great. It's because I feel fat. I knew I was fat. And not enough. And even after I knew dieting wasn't the answer for the happiness I was seeking, I still would do anything to not fail. Like, wouldn't take action just with spin and life drama and crisis like I would do anything to not fail, which means I would do anything to not try.

Nicole Wagner-Moore

08:06

I've waited taking risks at all cost, curating my efforts to ensure successes. And of course, we all know how possible that is it is it not possible. I believe that we have to repair the parts of us that prefer perfectionist fantasies. And I love that terminology. It just describes a way of thinking that says, I need all the right conditions before I start so I can get it perfect. If you're like me, I develop this, these this this habit of picturing a perfect scenario and going for that picturing a perfect thin body and getting on a diet to go for that picturing a perfect beauty ideal right picturing the perfect the perfection fantasy I developed as a chronic Dieter. And until we find a way to accept ourselves and grant our own permission, we will always fear that we are either not enough or too much, or taking up space that isn't ours will get stuck or stay stuck in cycles of people pleasing and self sacrifice. It's really easy to struggle with boundaries from this disposition. So in my programs as a coach, I teach you new mindsets, new practices and exercises that help you to grant yourself permission to become the master of your own lives, living how you want, unapologetically at whatever size you want. Making success look like whatever you want it to be, but mostly being like aligned from The inside out so that you can live this aligned life, making an impact in the world showing up for social justice, showing up for your own soul's mission, your own worthy purpose in this world so how did I get here? Although several years ago, I made a decision to leave the full time career I had in music and live events and pursued a path in coaching and entrepreneurship because I wanted to quit a cycle of burnout in an extreme hustle environment that was an is touring and music and live events and festivals and I I just, I was in a constant cycle of, of burnout and hustling for my income hustling for as a way of life. I wanted to make my own money, instead of make money for others while being underpaid and undervalued, right? I wanted to make my own money, as I helped other women as I made a positive impact. And I wanted to help women who had a history of disordered and painful relationships to food and fitness, that struggled with boundaries and people pleasing, like me, to get to a place of feeling at home, in their bodies, and happy in their life without having to do some keto diet, or go on a hole 30 clams, so they could feel confident in themselves so they could feel worthy. And after about three or four years in business for myself, as a Health at Every Size health coach, working with folks who wanted to be free from diets and you know, practice a Health at Every Size approach or body neutral wellness, though, they wanted to be thin still, I don't want to be on diet, but can you teach me how to love myself, so I could be thin still, because I think I hate myself. That's what I've been taught, being told. That's why I eat or, you know, just like all of this bullshit rhetoric, that diet culture in the wellness, culture,

Nicole Wagner-Moore

12:26

tweaks to sound holistic and grounded in truth, I began to really notice a pattern of this stubborn fixation on what success and good health meant to my clients, this fantasy of fixing themselves would often sound like or look like to them at an on a really under explored level, it would look like I'll be thin, I'll be skinny, once and for all, like I'll do everything correct. And fix this because I'm wrong. I'm, I'm broken. That's what we are told in the dominant culture. And I found that when we would continue to seek out why they were seeking thinness, what it would give them, it's this desire to be valued, worthy, to finally feel like they have approval. They have permission to take up space, like they want, without apology, without qualifiers, without explaining to about myself, because that's the fantasy, isn't it the perfection, fantasy. I'll get on a diet or lose the weight, I feel really great about myself and my body. And I'll just feel so confident, and I just will do anything I want. Cuz that's what some people do they do whatever they want, look at him. Nobody gives a shit, you know? So I kept on exploring what was missing? And the questions I asked myself, because I also had the hardest time getting traction in my business, because I struggled around the marketing piece, the visibility piece, taking up space in that way promoting myself was on the edge of my comfort level. And so I got curious, why do I only feel permission to take up space if I feel like I'm saying pleasing things, or getting praise? So social media is just a real racket for that kind of a mindset because feedback is nil, or negative, typically, right? You you post something, nobody talks on it, or you get the trolls really refer an unmanaged find of a people pleaser, right? My fixed mindset as I was taking in that data, that feedback. I'm bad at social media. I'm bad at marketing myself. I'm bad at promoting myself. Why do I doubt the value of the work? like I do, I got even more curious. Because if I think I value the work I do, but if I did, wouldn't I be doing this so that I'm like going after myself for what I wasn't doing in my business. For the first three years, as a coach, I wished for growth and success with programs of my own. And I did a lot of you know, done for you kind of formats that you'd make your own through my training, and certification programs. I just, I really, really wanted it to be mine. But I really struggled feeling confident about my own copy or my own methods. And I paid for and followed several systems for launching, I believed, I just wasn't good at being in business for myself. I dreaded consultations with potential clients the sales call, and I'd get so needy for the feedback on the other end of the call. And if I didn't feel, Oh, they're, they're happy with what they're hearing, I wouldn't make an offer, I would shrink. Or I'd apologize for taking their time or I make an offer and apologize, it was so expensive. This is the anti coach method for being in business. As a coach, being hung up on doing a good job and doing it perfectly. What's more, looking to please my clients more than I was committed to challenging them, because not pleasing them was so uncomfortable for me. And unfortunately, when you're doing transformational coaching, you're going to be uncomfortable. That is actually one of the guarantees of the process. But I wasn't able to always meet my clients there, especially in the beginning of new client relationships, because I would struggle with the approval that I felt or didn't feel.

Nicole Wagner-Moore

17:23

And so I retreat back into this hustling dynamic in my business, I booked myself in contract positions as a coach for other institutions. I take music and event consultations. I had a meager client roster. I'd have big breakthroughs. And I'd have great successes. But it would be followed by times of retreat into self doubt. I really didn't think I could repeat these kinds of successes. And I didn't because I believed I couldn't. I struggled with beliefs that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't qualified enough yet. I didn't have the credentials I needed yet. And it hindered me from those repeat successes, which is what I believe traction feels like in business. And my whole thing is self worth I'm a self worth coach. I know I'm worthy. Why the fuck can I get this right? And this is about the time that I found Brooke it was about two years ago, I was scrolling for inspiration on IG and I loved everything is powerful little human was sharing on her page. She was offering up a free training something like create an offer that's aligned de F and I signed up and immediately Brooke style of workshop and teaching like here's some information here's the lesson I'm gonna pause this do the work and just I was hooked. I just it was the accountability I needed and dream biz training camp which was the OG I think only the first the first run of it transcend your dichotomy training camp, which is what the program is currently called. There was so much of the lesson plan that was rooted in an oriented around trusting yourself. And I feel like my biggest takeaway that has helped me up level my bit Business during a global pandemic, and get clear on my vision and my mission, and where I'm going than ever before, has been trusting myself and knowing counting on my feelings of self doubt, and fear when I'm in action, and letting them be indicators, that I'm up to something really important, or something really meaningful. And that means I'm on the right path, lean into action, lean into self trust. When those are the feelings present, you're doing something great. Brooks spent a lot of time with us in those first months in the training camp on growth mindset, which I was pretty fucking sure I was great at. Hello, I am a master certified coach. But that theory, or that assumption and belief about myself, was busted when Brooke warned us against something called a phony growth mindset. Basically, my thoughts, which is I'm really good at growing, watch how I grow learn my lesson once and for all, I become an expert. Look at how perfectly I learned my lessons the first time

Nicole Wagner-Moore

21:29

really getting an understanding of how to authentically be in a growth mindset helped me to better help myself and others, like me, who were still working with a fixed mindset paradigm of pass or fail, that we had adopted through the indoctrination that is dieting culture, fixed mindset, pass or fail, lose weight, pass gained weight fail, fixed either or it's just such a lose lose scenario. But it was a deeply entrenched hack habit pattern of thought that the Rule Breakers crew really helps me to not only become aware of which of course is the real jewel, the awareness, but then to create practices to be more often than not in a mindset of growth. But even that isn't on or off. Sometimes we'll find ourselves coming back into a place where we're thinking in a fixed way. But I have become really, really comfortable with noticing when that's going on and taking my own hand in my business in guiding myself lovingly back to where I'm trusting myself. And I've learned to trust myself through the high points and the low points, because I believe that all of it will teach me what I need to know. I used to freak out other regular if I didn't post or sell or write or network, like I was supposed to. I fought my own needs for rest or retreat like hermit thing. If I just needed to unplug because I needed to get followers I needed to be selling I needed to get clients just no way to create a sustainable business. And I didn't even have that language. When I when I found broke. I just told her, I didn't want this high and low on and off, can't repeat successes anymore. It was I was looking for something that was sustainable. And the way that I had learned the way that I had been told that I was supposed to do it wasn't working in training camp, I committed to a new way of being in business for myself. I now practice meditation not just in my own personal spiritual practice, which has been with me for years, but for my business and my clients, specifically a separate specific practice. It helps me to create content. It helps you to get clear on my offerings. It helps me to connect with and be in rapport with my clients highest self on a level that is really beneficial for the relationships that I am proud to cultivate. In my community. I make a habit of writing regularly. self reflection and guided journaling exercises helped me to find my own answers and these are actually hosted practice sessions monthly and real Baker breakers crew. The community for me is that the most special part of Rule Breakers crew. And Brooks specifically empowers all of us in this community to support one another. It's so beautifully symbiotic. It aligns with my world values. Book leads From her values, that's all I ever want to do. So it's so amazing to be supported and guided in my business by a mentor and coach that is committed to living by her values and her business. It's, it's spectacular. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you kind of check me out on my podcast the self worth solution by Nicole, Denise. And baby I'll get to see you and meet you. If you come and join the real fakers crew, maybe you've been thinking about it. People like me are there. It's such a spectacular space. I can't even

Nicole Wagner-Moore

25:45

say enough good about it. I feel really blessed to be supported in a community like this. Have an awesome day. I wish you all such great success. As you unapologetically take up space in your businesses. You can follow me on Instagram, Nicole Denise underscore life by design. You can email me coach at Nicole Denise life by design no underscore in that one, as well as my website. Nicole Denise life by design.com. I do host a podcast series called the self worth solution by Nicole Denise. And this summer is taking up space summer. So I have a group series. If you're local to the Los Angeles area that's taking place once a month and a park. I'm going to be guiding the group through grounding practices. Empowerment, exercises, body scans visualizations, it's going to be different exercises and practices. Each month it's one time a month $20 per group or you can buy the four part group series for $50. And again, that's in person, Los Angeles area. When you're listening to this, by the time that you're enjoying this episode, you'll now be able to find the link in my bio on Instagram for any other information about a space for grace, women's empowerment circle. Another thing that I'm doing and take up space summer at a call Denise life by design is a small group program. This is my signature small group program I haven't launched in over a year unstoppable the software solution. We are beginning July sixth and it goes through August 17. There is a integrative week this is a virtual program. So if you're not local to Los Angeles, don't worry, you can still join me and other women who are showing up for self growth I'm learning just bullshit identity stuff you know you just listen to the whole podcast check it out. And I would just love the opportunity to meet you in any way so if you want to reach out please do so via these channels. More exciting stuff is coming out in my world soon especially as I am in the Rule Breakers crew every week being totally inspired by now my my fellow Rule Breakers and by the badass rule breaker herself Brooke Monaghan Okay, that's all for me for now. Come catch me at the software solution podcast be well

Brooke Monaghan

29:12

transcend your dichotomy as a production of passion and process collaborative LLC. The podcast is produced by me Brooke Monaghan with post production and marketing support from Alex Henderson if you want to support me in the show the best way to do that is to subscribe leave a rating and a review and share with someone who you know needs to hear it to take the free circumventing should DIY workshop and start getting my newsletter where I dropped all of my best work go to Brooke dash monahan.com That's mo N EY Ghan. Love y'all. See you next week.

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