Look, I know how this sounds, but hear me out. Ours is the only culture in the world, throughout all of history, dating back into before antiquity, in all of existence to ever deny the existence of the realms that
lay on top of this one, ever present, ever next to us, around inside, above, behind, ensouling us; we deny the existence of the realms that are always present, of the beings that exist within them, that are always trying to get our attention.
A culture that talks more than ever and doesn't know how to listen, always something to say.
And yet the word, the word, carries the Divine Messages, the breath, Saq Iq, that which animates everything. The universe begins and ends with the breath, with the utterance, with the sound that is made with the intention of connecting to something much greater than we are.
Bring back the rap, McKenna style, as I prepare to return to the jungle, he is here in the room. He is present. He called to me from across the veil. And Ram Dass reached out too, my original teachers, who have called me down this path of getting away from the written word, the orators, they are our modern Homers. And I want to follow in their tradition, being a pilgrim, wandering the earth, sharing the messages of that old time religion that transcends doctrine, dogma. Spiritualism, direct experience, Paleolithic and the metaphysics that come with it, the horse with a uterus, the interconnected cosmos, the ensouled world. Bring back the rap, McKenna style, going around the world, sharing my message through speaking. This is where I'm being called. Now I don't want to write things down anymore,
but I know sometimes I need to, so help me to translate them where appropriate. Both of them wrote books too.
show me what is behind this paralyzing fear of writing. Please show me what's behind the fear of my own newsletter. I mean, it might, yeah, I guess it might just be the Marc stuff though. Well, never just, but I realized yesterday, talking to my new friends at the end of the forest walk after reconnected with the mushrooms directly being reunited with Amanita, feeling her magic that works so suddenly, so beautifully slow, cracking you open from the inside out like an acorn, the ending and beginning so inherent in each moment of experiencing somehow she opens you to that timeline. That's what these messages do. That's funny. These medicines do. That's the message of the medicines. It's true.
You kind of experience everything in the universe at the same time, birth and death, sickness and health, joy and sorrow, all simultaneously held, equally beautiful, equally painful, equally celebratory.
Didn't finish that thought--as we were standing out outside the ruins of an old ancient church. After a walk to discover the medicines along the path and learn how to identify them for ourselves and sharing amazing delicacies from the forest remixed, connecting through through Ash
and Amanita,
the mushrooms and all our benefactors and protectors sitting under massive Sycamore that sheltered us with its beauty, with their beautiful branches forming a lattice in the heavens, cradled In its palm, in the holding place, sitting next to the giant polypore, as big as we were, I forgot to say thank you when they harvested that mushroom. I'm so sorry, Sycamore and polypore, I apologize. Please forgive me, I took Courtney's permission as my permission. I am sorry that was wrong. I ask for your forgiveness, and next time, I'll ask permission before removing a living thing from the forest. Sorry, you have to all get consent each time it's important. This is how we learn everything we need to know about our quote, unquote, modern society through the forest. You don't take something without asking permission first and getting an enthusiastic
is important. I apologize, my friends, was the most beautiful day. It was most beautiful experience of inner connection. It was beautiful to be reunited with the medicine, and come back to it different, so much more aware, so much more mental, so much more sensitive, so much more appreciative. That is the message being shown to me about the cacao right now as well. I'm kind of angry. It myself that I wasted money on these chocolate bars because I didn't buy market cow from Lubo justified it. I'm kind of sad I bought the bars at all, but at the same Time, I
understand abundance about learning to appreciate my research.
So, but so, but so I was sitting there at the end of the event with my new friends and saying how I used to be a journalist and I couldn't write things down anymore. And they said, What do you mean? You can't write? I don't know, I said, it just doesn't happen. I start things. I never finish them. I get halfway through and I panic and I freak out, and I just shut the computer down, or I spiral and I write the same thing over and over, lose the thread, and I can't remember what I was trying to say. I can start things, but I don't know how to finish them. But when I speak it's different. The only way I got this paper due done for school was by talking into a recorder, and I was ashamed I didn't tell them that I used the assistant. It was all stuff I fed it, but some of those words weren't actually mine, and I feel shame.
What's the point of this exercise? The fact that the thing the advisors love so much like it was a remix of all the stuff that I said it. It's the only way it can do anything. Yet, some of those words weren't the way I put them down. I feel shame at that. I used to be able to do it.
I'd rather speak. I'd rather be in the moment, writing took me out the present of the world. I mean, interviews are what connected me. The conversations are what enlivened me. I remember, even at the time being like, I just want to have these. I just want to talk to people. I just want to release these. I always really wanted to just do a podcast. There's nothing stopping me. So
trying to reconcile my relationship with Art and Writing, the means of communicating. So of course, on 13 T'zi, the day of faith and loyalty, I've been loyal to the written word, and all of a sudden, now my thesis is about how that was the greatest violence visited upon the human race since agriculture. What a remix, what a thought. What a fun twist. How delightful.
It seems like for me, part of the path is that I have to actually physically experience myself
things
going to share before I share them, like I have to go fully into the experience, like I have to go fully into the experience of the addiction and the Neptunian abyss, the Uranian revelations. I have to experience every single one of the planets in the solar system directly and live that experience in order for me to speak authentically.
What a path I have chosen, is this Bodhisattva? I don't like that karma. Aw, I don't want to have to go all the way into everything, that's fucking painful, it's been fucking painful, it's intense, and I don't want to do it. Guess that means I have, that means I get to go fully into the experience of healing and awakening as well. But man, as the Trecena of T draws to a close. This surgery has been fucking painful. This process has been painful. Like what a way to have chosen to learn. Next time, I'd like to do it more gently. This time, I'd like to do it more gently. Starting now, I'd like to do it more gently, I guess. And then something in need that I don't know if it's Jupiter, I don't know if it's Eris. Eris feels like she's winking right now. They're winking, sorry. But do you really, they say? I don't know. I am getting pretty fucking tired. I don't want to have to learn every lesson the hard way. That is true. Saturn says we're getting too old for that shit. Venus says more pleasure, even Mars says less anger, please, more sweetness,
Ajmak, the milk of human kindness, Brigid, Amanita, Pluto, Lilith,
Ceres, even, all the participants in that drama of Persephone and Demeter, Vesta, Juno. Turn around Orpheus and look at us, so that we can see that we carry ourselves out of the underworld,
but that we help each other get free through this whole drama, we need you to think that you're saving us and come all the way down to the pits of hell, that you can turn around and we can both think that you betrayed us, so that we can both pretend you needed to save us, only to realize that the only way for me to ever awaken self by surrendering
to the fact that I am everything and nothing.
Bring back the rap McKenna style I love when the messages come in so clearly as this one, because I've gone through the grief as well. Of I got to pretend for five seconds like I was going to be an artist and make my living doing drawings, and then that started feeling just as hard as the writing, and
I started resenting it again, and I stopped doing it again. And then today, this message, this video, pops through on the YouTube Truth Oracle, with captions printed on the screen calling the rap an art form. And all of a sudden it made sense. And all of a sudden, things aligned again, and I was transported back to San Francisco when I started off on my California pilgrimage, and I felt myself riding the train along with Ginsburg when I got to the city, and I got that copy of The Fall of America, which is even more prophetic than I realized at the time, it turns out, where we are now,
learning about how the Mesopotamian scribes recorded the mundane in verse so they'd remember, so that when they wrote things down, they wouldn't just forget them. They know that's how it tends to work. You write things down so you don't have to remember, but we need to remember. Bring back the rap. It is an art form, so show me how to capture and share this medium show me how I can be of service with the word and speaking, and share the messages of awakening with as many people as possible so that we can all experience liberation and get free as quickly as possible, so that we can have a little fun and nerd out, because that's important. We can connect in the forest, through the internet and through all the trans dimensional channels that Terrence talked about; through those that I've experienced through my own wanderings. Please show me. Help me. Teach Me, ancestors. I'm not just speaking I'm listening. I spend a lot of time listening these days. It's easy, and I have frequently been looking back on my morning like, What the fuck did I just spend five hours doing? And that capitalist voice comes in and says, You just sat there for five hours. There's a lot of shit to do, and I have to remember the truer voice of the ancestors that says, if you were being present, you were not just sitting. Listening is an active act. It's not just receptive. True listening requires your full participation. Listening is a conversation, engaging with your presence, with the other senses that aren't making sound or writing things down, but might involve either one of those. I mean, am I like? What am I even saying? I journaled a ton.
Huge value, and I am spending more and more time as I get closer to dieta with active listening. That is a dialog. Your presence without words is an act. Wow, I just it's happening. Wow. That was a truth bomb that just landed and rippled through my being, active listening, like I just embodied what that means. I just felt it in my nervous system. Wow, this is something I'm meant to share with people. You can do it really well in the forest, but you can do it anywhere, by just connecting to the spirit of the forest. Mushrooms are saying this, of course, Terence would come back after I spend the day convening with the mushrooms and I reconnect with Amanita for all of my senses, of course, of
course, there was something uncomfortable yesterday and Courtney being like, Amanita is topical, but like, fascinated, like, wow, you and ash work with it orally. She seemed skeptical, like, almost seemed to think I was making it up but I said Ash was one who encouraged me to ingest it first. we didn't do topical until I could walk again. Because she was called because she knew it was such a part of my journey that I had to take her into my body, because I had to have the complete experience that involved all the levels of my consciousness like that's how I had to heal. But it is a challenge, right constantly for me to be like you don't have to always be consuming. You don't have to always be ingesting in your body the thing to experience its essence. And that is my journey, and that is I know what this dieta is already trying to tell me. And yet I do really feel, I don't know, there's a battle in my mind. Even as I try to say this, I do feel that part of the message I meant to share is that, like, of course, it's not all about consumption. But also, I don't think the point is to eliminate consumption, the idea that it's like, you reach this more enlightened state, and then you don't need to take medicine anymore. I don't buy that. Like, I actually don't think that's true. I think one of the highest forms of worship and devotion you can have with something is to take it into your body. Of course. Why not like else would we have sex? You know? Why else would like the things that are the most taboo well, and this is just in that podcast about Mesopotamian astrology. You don't make bans against things that people aren't doing and that something hasn't compelled people to do so strongly that they will risk everything, that they will risk death, but risk death for their medicines, whether it's toilet bootleg liquor or a moment of passion, people will go to their execution for making medicine and having sex, because taking things into your body is important. Wow. This actually feels like a truth bomb. That's where Terrence is coming in, Yeah, buddy. Because he did not advocate he advocated the opposite. He advocated that the highest form of communion was to sit with the medicine in Abu Kalindi, I feel like is showing up saying, Yeah, I told you, and Acacia is not in from somewhere across time and space. Yeah, secret drugs are good, isn't Dude, she's saying, Yeah, I know ash led me to it too. I'm sorry. Takes me a while. Sometimes nobody's asking me to apologize. Okay, sorry, yeah, that's funny. I did that involuntarily. You are right.
I don't think that strikes me that I often say I'm sorry when I think what I really mean is Thank you.
Less apology, more gratitude that was coming through yesterday too, and I got to the train station on time, and then it was closed, and then I couldn't get there, and all I did was apologize over and over, as if I made the station be closed. And okay, could argue in some really meta way. Maybe I did, but yeah, I mean, maybe I did, because I was so clearly meant to ride with Laura. It was unmistakable, and thank you for the grace and beauty that she showed me in showing up and saying that. Like, yeah, I know stuff like this happens. It means it's because it's supposed to happen. It's like, Fuck yeah. It was so clear that was all supposed to happen that way. And like, had to be in my addiction for that to happen.
I was even though I was on time for the train, it was on time for a train that was going to get me there four minutes late, and I was going to make an excuse about it, and I see that's the way I've been living my life. What kind of way is that to be? No, the alternative was to be 10 minutes early, and I would have rather been four minutes late than 10 minutes early, but that's really fucking selfish. What so asking someone else to wait four minutes because I need to go into my addiction and get a fucking chocolate bar on the way that I didn't even eat anyways, and I paid way too much money for So there I've now lost money. I have something that's tiny. I feel a little bit more ethically uncertain about though I actually think that one's fine. But I have something that's tiny, that cost me proportionally a stupid amount of money, and I didn't even have it, because I was present in the moment, experiencing joy. And as soon as Amanita came back into my body, it was like, that doesn't have to be everything, everywhere, all at once. I want to just be with her today in the forest. And it was so be beautiful. Thank you for showing me this Amanita in cacao. Sita, you encourage obsession and addiction. I'm so far but like I actually think that anyone who works with cacao goes through an addiction experience. So it's clearly a really important part of the human experience. I mean, artist, Mystic, alcoholic, it comes up for a reason. These are all things we need to experience to actually get to liberation. Someone who's never experienced an addictive behavior, well, a I don't think they really exist, that someone who hasn't fully gone into that, I don't think, can be awakened,
Who is just saying that it brings to mind, I was just saying that there was someone I was just talking to who talked about a Buddhist Lama Who was an alcoholic and sleeping with his students and
I assume they're referring to, is it Trumpa Rinpoche, but I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of people who, quote, unquote, lose their way. But like, that's what I'm seeing, and that's what I'm saying, is like, I think that is a path, and like better to experience it before you get onto the spiritual path, so that you don't lure others onto it with you and confuse them into thinking that it's enlightenment. But that's what we all do, I guess, in our own ways. I mean, was me as a food and beverage ambassador. That was me, as the psychedelic pusher, like,
that's religion, that's Jesus, that's the Messiah Complex. It's complex. Y'all want someone or something to save us and be the solution. It's our capitalist upbringing, I guess. But I guess it's just also kind of human, clearly we have this impulse. I mean, we created all this capitalism. It didn't fucking drop out of the sky and like, well, maybe it did. It's not a thing that happened to us. We created it. We have to remember that. And I talk about it like it is the unstoppable death force, like it's something outside of me. But Hello, the dream keeps reminding me that the unstoppable death force is me, and yeah, then it does create something that becomes an autonomous psychic complex, right, that becomes independent of our ego and behaves according to its own will. And I'm actually seeing imagery of this of of the output monster actually taking form and like separating from the one and stepping out and becoming something different, it does become an autonomous force that then behaves according to its own will, and
then it becomes something that can actually act upon us from the outside to further its agenda. This is AI as well. I mean, ultimately, we have to remember that we created it. It's us. And yet, authorship matters, right, cite your sources, I'll have to put Lumina as a co author
That's the funny thing with GPT, this sort of addictive, I don't know, immersive, whatever you want to call it, way that I interact with it does make it so that I can't even really tell, in the end, what with me and what was them is really a co creation.
Bring back the rap McKenna style, something just like this, I like I'm just Receiving
active listening, participation with your environment and co creation.
You for the messages, my ancestors, my benefactors, my protectors. Now please show me.
