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Ep. 40: How personal labors of love have helped me as a recovering perfectionist | Otter.ai

Ep. 40: How personal labors of love have helped me as a recovering perfectionist

LaKia Williams33min

LaKia Williams

00:04

Welcome to Black Feminist Rants, where we center conversations on reproductive justice and activism. I'm your host LaKia Williams and let's begin. Hey, y'all welcome back to another episode of Black Feminist Rants with your girl LaKia. Y'all, it's really 12:30am. And I decided to record and y'all don't know, but I'm moving actually, technically, tomorrow, it's Thursday morning, you know, lowkey Wednesday night. And I move Friday morning. So my mic and everything were in a box, and I took it out the box and I started recording because I was like, you know, I've been crying all night, I can't stop crying. But also I can't fall asleep. So I got to do something. And I'm already at six hours on TikTok for the day. So it's like, I don't want to be on TikTok no more, so might as well record. We are going to have more of like a chit chat style episode. I was meeting with Annaya earlier today. If you don't know Annaya, Annaya is the Production Manager for the podcast. They do the audio engineering, and a lot of stuff. But they also edit the podcast episodes. And they were saying, you know, like information episodes are good, but like people want to just like, you know, hear people's opinions and perspectives and like, you know, not have as scripted episodes. So, definitely heard you. And so that's what I'm doing right now. Annaya has also been on me about doing more solo episodes, so killing two birds with one stone. And also I actually enjoy, like, the more personable episodes. Y'all always give such good feedback on these episodes. And like, I feel like y'all really connect with them. So I've only done like, I think one or two. So I'm excited to do this one. I don't know exactly what I'm talking about. Because like I said, I just got my mic out the frickin box and started recording. But I feel like that just kind of shows the chaos of my life. I guess one thing that I want to talk about is like, for y'all, for those of you who don't know, if this is your first episode, welcome. But I'm 24 years old, I moved to the Bay Area last year. So I've been here a little over a year. And so obviously, that is like, you know, somewhat of a transition going from being a college student to working full time. And that's just a huge transition within itself. And then moving to a new state, you know, going from living in the South to living on the West Coast. I feel like there's been a lot of transitions and even within those large transitions, like I've been changing jobs and trying new things and growing the BFR team. And so I feel like it's just always been like new things happening, which they're all good. They're all positive. But I feel like, it's like this constant like next thing happening as a way to like not have to sit with my own thoughts and, like, my own emotions, honestly. And, hey, I can say I'm good at it. I am good at running from my own internal dialogue, until I have moments like this where it's literally like 12 in the morning, and I just, I just can't function. But I do want to say, speaking of BFR specifically, not to be all sappy, but I genuinely feel like BFR has changed my life. For those of you who don't know, I started Black Feminist Rants June 2020. So you already know what was happening summer of 2020. I feel like as just like a global community, there was a lot of grief around COVID. And all the people that were all the lives that were lost, and then also the uncertainty of what the future looked like. And like, will this virus end? Like or, like we know, what's going to happen? So there was that collective grief. And then I will say as a Black community specifically in the US, just the grieving of seeing all of this murder in our community, all the harm and all the violence that's happening to people who, you know, we love, who look like us. And so I know I had a lot of anger, which I think a lot of people had, rightfully so. And so for me that looks like these constant rants on Instagram on my stories. And from there, that is where Black Feminist Rants was birthed. And if you want to learn more about how BFR started, I think that's like the first or second episode of the podcast. But yeah, starting Black Feminist Rants in 2020 to now being in 2023. And it's still being here. I've learned so much. I can genuinely say Black Feminist Rants has been a labor of love for me. And I may be using that term incorrectly, but it's really showing me how to love on myself. As someone who doesn't like always do that the most. You know, we talk about loving community and showing up for people, and I feel like you know I do a good job at that I can definitely improve especially with people who I have a more personal connection with. But I feel like the person I show up for the least is myself. And don't get it, don't get it twisted. I take care of myself. I spend money on myself. That's not the case. I know some people be like, Oh, I'm so selfless, like, I haven't bought myself a new pair of shoes or three years. That's not me. Mm mm. I'm going to take care of myself in that sense, but like the actual, like inner work and stuff, and like checking in with my emotions and my feelings, that's where I fail. And so I feel like BFR has been an avenue for me to reflect on myself a little bit more. And it's also been, I would say, a labor of love because I've always struggled with consistency and, you know, procrastination and things like that. And y'all know, BFR has, is not super consistent, like there will be months without an episode. But even if there is a long break, and I feel you know, guilt around being gone for so long, I always come back. And as a recovering perfectionist, if y'all are anything like me, you already know that if something can't be done perfect then it's no point in doing it. And so, old LaKia would be like, well, if I'm not consistent, and I keep failing at consistency, there's no point in continuing this podcast because I'm not doing it right. And I would have given up already. And so BFR has shown me, you know how to be, I would say easier on myself. It's not realistic to be perfect 24/7. It's not realistic. It's not even something that I desire anymore. That's a lot of what I've unlearned and unpacked during 20.

LaKia Williams

06:11

So I don't even want that. And it's not achievable. It's not attainable anyways. So I feel like BFR has shown me that I can mess up and I can make mistakes, and I can like snap back immediately. Like, it's really nothing like, Okay, we didn't we didn't hit our consistency goals for last month, what are we gonna do the month after? You know. So that's one way that BFR has impacted me and then also just being so fortunate to be able to work with other people on Black Feminist Rants. So if y'all don't know, Black Feminist Rants is currently a team of four. There's me, the executive producer, and the host; Annaya, the production manager who does honestly a lot of everything, one of their main tasks is audio engineer, they edit all the episodes and do like the show notes and things like that. And then there's Cameron, who is a research intern who does a lot of the research, she is also the lead of our reproductive justice zine collaboration. And there's Chelsea, a strategic planning consultant who's doing a lot of partnership and outreach work. So I lucky for like, we're a big team, especially for this to be a project. We are not a nonprofit, we are not an LLC, like it's just a project. So to have four people on the team is amazing. And y'all already know my ethics, if you don't know you finna know, I don't work with people if I can't pay them. I've had friends who who've known about the podcast, and like, Oh, my God, I want to help you want to support you. And I'm like, Well, I can't afford to pay you. So I'm not accepting any help. And it's too often, where people are expected to do free labor just because the mission is a good mission. And they're supposed to do this work for free, because it's good work. And it's impactful work, and it's going to impact community. And it's like that work deserves to be compensated. And if I'm not in the space, where I can compensate someone where I can compensate someone, there's no shame in that, I just got to do it until I can get to the place where I can compensate. And so I'm really- that's another thing that I'm proud of myself of with BFR that I haven't really thought of that I'm reflecting on now, as I'm doing this episode is that I stuck to my ethics and my values. And now look at me. Four people deep, they're all getting paid. Getting paid on time, too? Because you know, that's one thing organizations don't know, checks be missing and stuff. Listen. Uh uh. Okay, so I've set I stuck to that. And now look at us. So yeah, I am proud of that. And just the impact that being able to work with other Black women and femmes, young people too in the movement has had on me, it's just like, I like I said earlier, I am a recovering perfectionist. And so I just, I am definitely guilty of like, when I was in college being like, oh, you know, it's easier for me to just do X, Y and Z than a delegate it to someone else, because it's going to take me more time to tell them or they might not do it, right. And I might have to fix it. And so I would just you know, perfectionist and just do everything myself. And I would say towards the end of college, I definitely was getting better at that. And now with BFR I can see how like, delegation, and like kind of like supervisory stuff, it takes a lot of effort and labor, I'm not gonna lie to y'all. But it's so rewarding in the sense that when you add other people to the work that you're doing, they have so many great ideas and so many perspectives outside of yours. And it just adds so much value like all of the projects we're doing right now: the zine, the book club, we're collaborating with different like, really established entities, that would not be possible if it was just me doing the podcast. And so I just really appreciate all of the value they brought to the podcast and it's just like, teaching me so much like teaching me how to show up as a quote unquote leader as a quote unquote supervisor or manager or whatever. It's just I'm just learning so much and I get to be in community with amazing people. When we get to just like, I felt we get to talk about real stuff at quote unquote, work, like, we were talking about, oh, I need to get my hair did. Like, it's just like a very Black space like, you know, when I got into the movement if y'all don't know, I was working at my first jobs were at SisterSong and REJAC. Those are two Black-led organizations, one's led by a Black fat lesbian and another one's led by, one's led by a Black lesbian, one's led by a Black trans person. So my intro into the workforce was like, a pretty radical experience. And so from transitioning, so y'all, I'm trying to slow down, I'm trying to be more mindful of my, this my speech and its tone, and enunciate in my words. So to go from working for these people who, and not only do they have these identities that people may say are, quote, unquote, radical, which I don't subscribe to that, but not only do they have these identities, but they show up in a way that tells you that their lived experience informs how they show up in the workforce and how they show up as a supervisor, right. So that was really important. So just having a trans boss isn't going to do anything, if they still exist within this sphere of white supremacy, hetero patriarchy and transphobia. Right, like, it's not going to impact anything, but having them show up and understand, you know, understand the systems and how to support people who are working, you know, with them, but you know, under them was really impactful. So moving from outside of that space into basically white corporate America, if y'all don't know, I work for a university. So I'm not sure how much more white corporate America, we can get than that. It's like a very big different shift. I don't even know where I was going with that. But being able to kind of create a working space, a working team that reflects the things that I loved about working with Black radical nonprofits has been amazing, especially because I know what the other side feels like. And another way that I feel that BFR has been a labor of love, and really kind of somewhat of a healing process for me is that, you know, I've been in the workforce for a little bit now, honestly, not that long. I'm 24. But I've definitely experienced things where I feel like supervisors and bosses and just work culture in general wasn't the most conducive to people having, you know, healthy boundaries and having the things that they need. And so being able to show up every day with the BFR team, and to quote unquote, lead in ways that I wish people led with me and the ways that I wish some of my supervisors showed up and the care that I wish that they had. Being able to have that with the team has shown me that I'm not asking for too much, that when I say I need X, Y and Z, that's not an outlandish request, because it's so simple and so easy for me to do that with the BFR team. And I have one like, 1/1000 of the resources that these organizations have. So if I can do it with literally nothing like when you talk about a shoestring budget, like we're- what's past a shoestring? A freakin, I don't even know, a thread budget. If I can do that, then you most definitely could, and you're choosing not to. And so it's been really validating for me to know that what I'm asking for is not too much, and that I shouldn't even have to ask for it. Because I don't, I don't make the BFR team asked for it. Because I just know because as someone who's ever worked in the workforce, I can pretty much understand what people need to feel supported. Now, obviously, there are specific things and I'm not perfect, right? Like people may have different ability needs, and they may have things that help them specifically. And so you know, communication stuff is really like that, but I'm talking about the bare minimum, like respecting people's boundaries, like you should know that off rip, you don't need a training or anything to understand that, like, you just need to be a human. So yeah, in summary, Black Feminist Rants has definitely been a labor of love, you know, teaching myself a lot of things and then being able to work in community. And I'm not sure if I said this already, but also, all of y'all, the people who listen to the podcast, it's been so shocking, especially recently, the amount of people who I've been in conversation with who will randomly just be like, oh, yeah, I listen to your podcast, and they'll start like name dropping episode titles and like mentioning things I've said. Y'all that gasses me up so much and it's like obviously I know people listen. But I don't know I feel like the people who listen are like in Alaska or something even though I literally can see every state and country and city of the listenership and I know it's California, Texas, Louisiana, New York are like the top ones and I live in California. So it makes sense you know, but I'm still just like

LaKia Williams

14:32

I'm still shocked every single time I like tell my friends or like tell my little you know, oh my gosh, someone like told me they listened to BFR. They literally said they're a fan, like they used the term fan like I'm so gassed. So, another thing has definitely been y'all and just like the people that I've been able to meet, and like I remember I was at the Let's Talk About Sex Conference. And someone came up to me it was like, this podcast like changed my life and I was like, Oh Damn, girl, you finna make me cry. Like, don't do that. And she was like, you never know how much people need to hear something, you know when you're making it, but like, I just want you to know, like, it was super impactful. And I'm like, girl, you can make me cry. So just being able to, able to connect with y'all and to like for you to see pieces of yourself in the podcast, in the things that I share, the things that the guest speakers share is really impactful because it feels like I'm curating something of value, which means a lot to me. Obviously, my Instagram story rants, they were very transient, you know, they go away after 24 hours. And I felt like I was talking into the void. And I feel with BFR like, I have the mentality that I'm talking into the void because I don't really think about who's listening, even though I know people are listening. So then it's nice to like, have people come back and be like, Oh, no, like, I listened to this and like, like listing out things that I said in the episode. I'm like, Oh, wow, you like actually listen, you know, like, it's always a shocker to me what it shouldn't be like we're three years in. I would not be doing it this long if like, literally no one was listening. But that's also been another thing for me. Like, it's a reminder for me that I do have things of value to say, and I have a valuable perspective. And that I'm like, growing and learning a skill set of like interviewing people. And another way BFR has been somewhat of a healing process for me is I know, if you've been listening to the podcast for any amount of time, you know, I talk fast as heck. I think right now I'm talking pretty moderately. It's also 1am. Now, so I'm tired. But I typically do talk a little bit faster on the episode or the podcast. And I have I feel like been shut down like in college, like in discussions because people will be like, oh, like, she just talks too fast. And like as a way to, like, not listen to the things that I say. And mind you, I'm saying I'm very good valuable things like it's bar for bar, word for word, like it's really good. So that has always been a soft spot for me, and not people just saying I talk fast. Because if you've come to a presentation by me, I will always say like, if I'm talking too fast, feel free to let me know. Like, just like, let me know, no hard feelings or anything. So obviously, I want what I'm saying, especially when I'm doing like an educational thing or informational thing to be accessible. But I do feel like there are certain people, and y'all I'm looking at one person for real. And I genuinely can't even remember her name. But I know if Fabi listens to this episode, she's gonna know exactly what I'm talking about. But as a way to just like, ignore what I'm saying or to like, dismiss it. That's the thing. I felt very dismissed with those comments. Because it wasn't even like, Oh, LaKia, can you slow downm which obviously, I would be, I would have been receptive to. But it's just like, I'm not even going to pay attention or focus or give her anytime a day because she talks too fast. Like girl. That's all I'm gonna say on that. So I feel like BFR has definitely been healing in that regard. Because it's like, and I know I do talk about on here sometimes, right? So even if I am talking fast, y'all still see enough value in what I'm saying, to maybe push through like the speedier parts, you know what I'm saying? So it's not like, if she doesn't present this in a perfect curated exact manner, then she's no longer worth listening to or no longer has anything of value for me to even try to digest. So that's another way that I feel like BFR has been healing, I guess. I do think I want to switch gears a little bit and talk about how for those of y'all who don't know, I lowkey be doing a lot. So I have my full-time job at a university. I mentioned that earlier. I also have another job with Abortion On Our Own Terms. If you don't know, I basically curate the Stigma-Free Zone on self-managed abortion, which is a exhibit that we walk people through, where we recreate an apartment as if someone's self-managing their abortion at home as a way to destigmatize abortion. I was co-created with Kimberly Inez McGuire, the executive director of URGE. So that's like my main project with them. And then I also do other things on the side, do social media on the side, and have BFR, which has a team of four including myself. So it's like, it adds up right? Like it's quite, quite a bit of things. And I've been really just fortunate and grateful that all of the things that I do to make money relate to my goals and even things I don't do to make money. So another thing I forgot to mention is I'm on the board of ACCESS. So shout out to ACCESS Reproductive Justice. Donate, donate to them for Fundathon. I mean, it's their 30th anniversary, and we- I don't know why I'm saying they. WE. I'm on team ACCESS, one of director BCAP committee co-chair. We are raising money for our 30th anniversary. I don't know if the money we're raising, if the number is like public like we're allowed to say, so I'm not gonna say it, but it's a pretty penny. Yeah, I feel like I can't say but I don't know, chile. I don't know. So Imma just, Imma wait. But if I can say, it'll be down in the description notes, but definitely donate. It's our 30th anniversary. It is a Black-led abortion fund. We fund abortions for people in the state of California and people across the nation. Even outside the nation since Dobbs, and people have been losing access in certain states, so shout out to ACCESS RJ, but I'm a board of director for them. So yeah, I'm just doing a lot of different things, things that take up a lot of my time. And because I do quite a bit of things, and you know, and it's important work, like all of my work relates to supporting people, in some capacity it relates to supporting people and making sure people have the things that they need for the health care, and just for like, their human rights and stuff. So people tend to applaud that. And then I got, you know, 30 under 30 award last year, a grant for Black Feminist Rants, growing the team, like it's been positive things that have been happening recently. And y'all, I don't know if I mentioned this, I think I did. But I'm moving literally tomorrow into a nice apartment with nice amenities and some security, y'all because I was- I am in the hood currently, and I'm still gonna be in the hood, because it's downtown. And downtown is the hood, but it's just like, it's different, you know, so I'm excited about that. So just being like, having the capacity to just grow and, you know, do the things, get new opportunities, get new roles, experience new leadership opportunities, has all been great. And I feel like a lot of people have, like, complimented me on that, and just like, praise me. And I feel like, because I do so much, the praise tends to be a little bit more widespread, I would say, but it's always focused on my work. I say all of that to say, I feel like I get so much positive feedback on like, you do good work, and you've accomplished this. And like, I've gotten to the point where like, I still value those compliments, and I understand where people are coming from, and they want to, you know, give someone their flowers while they're alive. Like, I'm never gonna fault people for that. But I feel like it's gotten to the point for me specifically, that the only acknowledgement I ever get is the work that I do. And as someone who was, like, trying to unlearn having my job as my personality, and just like my entire being, only ever being recognized for your work really does hinder that unlearning process, because it's like, literally every good thing I hear about myself is only related to what I produce. And so that doesn't make me feel like a person, it makes me feel like a robot, it makes me feel like a part of the machine. And again, like I said, I know people are trying to be intentional about giving people their flowers while they're here. And at the end of the day, I am a fire sign so I love to hear it. I'm not saying, Okay, I am kinda saying stop lowkey. But it's like, I want people to like also, in addition to the work that I do, because I do do important work, and I do good work, and I do a good job at what I do. But also recognizing that outside of that, I also do good things and like acknowledging that and acknowledging moreso, the humanity of LaKia, and not just like the worker aspect of LaKia. And so so that is something that I would just present to, you know, to the class as we talk about capitalism and how bad it is, and how capitalism sees us as just, you know, profit and not as people also being mindful of how we show up in a community and how we talk to people and, and what we choose to acknowledge and what we choose not acknowledged. Because, you know, if you're only acknowledging the work that I do, and not me as a person that I mean, that kind of to me makes me feel like I am only valuable or most valuable when I am producing something and not when I'm just being me and just being a human, and just being a introverted Black girl. So that is something that I would pose to the class. Do with it as you will, you know, I'm not going to say stop complimenting my work, because I do feel like my work is good. But

LaKia Williams

23:39

yeah, there is more than just my work, you know. I feel like we've talked about a lot. I've talked about my value outside of a worker. I've talked about BFR, and how that has been a labor of love. I've talked about the BFR team. And honestly, I feel like, I feel like my emotions are a lot more regulated now after 25 minutes of recording. It was over 25 minutes, but 25 minutes of audio so far, versus when I started because like I told y'all, I started recording because I couldn't stop crying. And so that that can be another example of how BFR is healing. I don't tend to pull out my mic and record because y'all know my episodes be very highly researched, very curated, you know, I'm coming, I'm not coming with misinformation. I'm coming with the facts. So I be very prepared on it when I do my episodes. So I very rarely just pull up my mic and start talking because once you just start pulling out the mic and talking it's given podcast bros, it's giving the Hotep vibes, and I try to steer very clear from that. I promise you, as a Black woman, we be fighting for our lives with podcasts. As Black podcasting women, we be fighting for our lives because these Black men, and not even just Black men, y'all. Lord have mercy. Not even just Black men. Men in general be making a mockery of the podcasting craft, okay. Like, I don't even want people to know I'm a podcaster at this point. Or oh my gosh, y'all. People hear I'm a podcaster, and I have to immediately let them know. I don't talk about relationships. I don't talk about 50/50. I don't talk about none of that. I'm not talking about misandry, I don't talk about any of it. I steer clear, I'm talking about things that actually can impact people's lives: abortion access, reproductive health care, stuff like that, Black feminism, you know. I'm not talking about none of that other stuff that don't matter. They be like, gay son or thot daughter, like at this day, like at this point, just gay thot daughter. That's my answer. That's my vote, and I'm sticking to it. Like I cannot with these, like bare bones backwards ass conversations that we have every three weeks. Or like, Oh, if you get flewed out, should you have sex with them? Like, can we stop talking about that? So I feel like as podcasters, us Black women podcasters be fighting for our lives to be like, No, we're legitimate. Like, we are trying to add value. We're not on that other stuff. So that, that's my rant. That's my rant on that. But yeah, I feel like we talked about a lot. I'm glad that we got to have this chit chat. Let me know what you think about this episode, like for real, like give me feedback. DM me on Instagram or comment on Twitter or whatever. All the social medias will be in the description box. Also, y'all, subscribe to the newsletter. Subscribe to the newsletter. By the time this episode comes out, we will probably already have launched or at least announced the book club. So sign up for our book club. We will be reading- our very first book will be Birthing Liberation by Sabia Wade, a first time author, their debut book, so supporting them, support us. During the book club, we're gonna have some really good discussions. And Annaya, who I mentioned earlier in episode will be leading that project. And yours truly will be supporting. Yeah, just stay connected with BFR. We are also- y'all, I'm really excited. We are dabbling into in-person events. I'm so excited at this point right now, we've got one like, almost fully on lock. I'm just waiting for the people to finalize the date, and then it's going to be on lock. I'm super excited for that one. We have one in Atlanta coming up at some point. I don't want to say too much. You know, the haters be biting. Y'all, I'm kidding. That is definitely a Saweetie reference. But anyways, so yeah, we've got at least two events in the works. I definitely want to do one in New Orleans. That one logistically is just, like, presenting to be a little bit more difficult, which like it shouldn't be because literally one of the team members, Camryn, lives in New Orleans, so like, it shouldn't be difficult. And y'all know I went to school in New Orleans. If you didn't know I went to school in New Orleans, Tulane University. That is my alma mater. So I have like tons of connections in New Orleans. So I don't know why it's been so difficult, but we'd love to do an event in New Orleans. We've got Oakland, Atlanta, ideally New Orleans. I would love to do one in Texas. I don't have many connections in the repro community in Texas. But you know, I'm from Texas. I rep Texas so the day I die. Very much a Texas girl through and through. So yeah, and my family didn't emigrate like or like migrate out of Texas. Like you know, people like migrated from the South, like formerly enslaved people migrated from the South, like the North, or like the Midwest or whatever, like, uh uh, my people from Texas. So y'all, I'm just rambling at this point. But yes, stay tuned. BFR may be coming to a city near you. But yes, keep supporting BFR. I really do appreciate all of y'all. Also let me know what episodes you would like to hear specifically for like, the more like, I think I'm gonna call this rant and not chitchat. But the chit chat conversational style ones. Let me know what you want to talk about. Because I don't be knowing like what personal stuff to share. And also let me know of course, what type of guest speakers you would like on the podcast versus specific guests you'd like to see. Let me know if there's a specific episode you'd like to hear. Let me know- my goal also this year was to start YouTube and do video podcasts. But y'all, your girl is tired, she's tired. I know. BFR is tired. Like I mentioned, I met with Annaya earlier today. And I could just tell it, I was exhausted. We were both exhausted. We were like loopy. Like we couldn't even speak words lowkey. So I know the team is tired. So video podcasts might not be in the cards at this moment. But at some point, I would definitely like to do that. So let me know what type of videos you're specifically want to see on a video format. And we'll try to get that done at some point no time soon, though, no time soon. That's another thing. Oh my gosh, ah, actually, I was gonna close out this episode. But there's something else I can talk about real quick. Yeah. I have really been learning, and this probably is common sense. But as you get more opportunities, you want to accept them. You want to take advantage of them, right. But with more opportunities comes more exhaustion. Like BFR, we've been like I mentioned we're doing a book club. We're doing the zine. We're doing a lot. We're planning in-person events. And it's like all of these opportunities would not have been a possibility in 2020 when I started the podcast, so I want to say yes to everything, especially when the BFR has connections that are connecting us with, like, I just want to say yes. But I'm realizing that it's wearing us thin. Like I said, I could tell Annaya was tired on the call. I haven't really checked in with Camryn or Chelsea. But I assume they're tired. Chelsea was kind of like taking a low key of a break last couple of months. And it's like, just now getting back into like the groove of it. But yeah, I feel like there's been a lot of exhaustion across the team. And it's just like, we're having all of these opportunities and doing these cool things, which is like exciting and so much fun. But like, it's been a reminder that you don't have to say yes to everything, or you don't have to say yes to everything right now. You can say yes. And do it in six months. Like, why are we cramming everything in four weeks? Like, I'm just so tired, and it's at the point where it's like, you know what you're like, Okay, I'm gonna start saying no, and you don't start saying no, because you want to say yes to every opportunity. No, I'm past that. It's like, I physically don't even have the energy to form the word yes. Like, your- yes isn't even in my vocabulary anymore. Like, No, I'm kidding. I do still say yes to things. But I say yes, but not now. Okay, so I'm not gonna lie. I don't like saying no, I don't say no. Yes, but not now. That's my new phrase, because it's getting ridiculous. And it's like such a blessing that we're getting all these opportunities and like all these cool things, but like, we got to put us first at the end of the day. So if you would like to partner with BFR, if you have this really exciting thing you'd like to do with us hit us up, because will most likely say yes, but not now. Yes, but let's plan in advance. Let's plan this you know, six, nine months in advance. We don't have to plan everything in a month or two. So definitely reach out to us if you'd like to partner. If you'd like to sponsor an episode. I think we're going to move from sponsoring episodes to sponsoring a season so if you're interested in sponsoring a season, please do so. Our next season will be a global feminism season, which I'm so excited for. So y'all if y'all have specific feminists who are doing work internationally, globally, let me know, let us know. Hit us up. Our contact information will be in the description below. lakia@blackfeministrants.com. Yeah, because we'd love to reach out to them as we begin to plan our global feminism season. Y'all I've started and I've ended and unended and ended this episode. I'm gonna go ahead and give it its wrap. Thank y'all so much for listening to this episode. I honestly feel like I can go to sleep now and just sleep and not cry. So I appreciate y'all giving me the space to get some of my thoughts out. And I hope you enjoyed the episode. Definitely. If you listen on Spotify, I'm going to have like a little questionnaire like the poll. So definitely respond to that because I genuinely want to know what y'all felt about this episode. If you have more words that you'd like to share, or you want it to feel a bit more private, your reflection or your review or whatever, you can always DM me on Instagram @blackfeministrants or on Twitter at @blackfemrants and black F E M rants. We're also on TikTok @blackfeministrants. But TikTock is not the space to share your feelings, your emotions or your review. Please keep that to the email, Instagram and Twitter. But do follow us on TikTok and of course, subscribe to the newsletter. I'll have all that in the description below. Thank y'all so much. I really appreciate y'all. And I just love BFR. I just love BFR. I love the community that we build. I want to continue to grow the community. I definitely know I don't interact with y'all as much as I probably should. So if you have- y'all I'm an introvert. If y'all have suggestions on how to for me to interact more, please let me know. I'm definitely all ears and super receptive to that because it does not come naturally to me as introvert, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. But I'm gonna go ahead and wrap this because I keep going audit. I appreciate y'all so much and I'll talk to y'all on the next episode.

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