070_Dismantling_Fatphobia_vs._Body_Acceptance

Vinny Welsby31min

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I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's a fast fatty podcast. Let's begin. Hello, hello. Welcome to this episode. Fatty how're you do when I'm doing good? Are you doing good? Are you all right? I'm all right. Hey, it's snowing here in Vancouver. So exciting. I've not seen any snow this year yet. settled. So I think it's going to set although it's minus minus one so maybe I don't know. We'll see. Looks pretty nice out my window though. Yeah, so this morning, I did a podcast. I was a guest on a podcast. The 88 podcast ever listened to it. We will listen to it to British people. I'm gonna chinwag about this this stuff. It's Sarah and Ella. You can find Ella at Fat Girl Fashion inspo and Zara Zara brown design. And I am obsessed with their fashion sense. Like SMIS makes me so, so jealous. I'm jealous of their fashions and I want them to come rather than like style me when that'd be cool. Like do you want to do that? Like have someone come around and style you? Is that just me like I want I want people to buy me clothes and be like, put this on. You look amazing. Done. I think I think loads of people want that. Right. Not that that said that's not their job. Just like I want to look like you. I want to dress like us. Yeah. Hey, I got a new webcam. For those watching on YouTube. You know what? I think it's not good. For FX sake, but it's better than the the camera that's in the the Mac, the Mac, the MacBook Air? Maybe I'll have to get a like a fancy one. Maybe I'm gonna have to spend more than $30 on a frickin camera or is Saara suggested to me? I could use my phone to record and then I can put my mic into the phone. Because I've got it under that I've got an adapter so

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that is what I might do. That's probably a good idea because my phone camera or phone cameras are so fucking good. You know, instead of me buying another stupid thingamajiggy I'm on the internet web.com Thank you for your reviews. I so appreciate them. Hey, if you're if you're feeling you're feeling in the spirit, why not leave me a review on on iTunes or wherever you're listening. If you're listening on Spotify, don't even leave a review but wherever you're listening, why don't you leave a review if you're if you're feeling in the mood. Here's a couple that I got recently. First one from Friday care but it's about fry day D a e cab or as I read it Frieder e cab one of the two. You know what realized recently Do you know that brands? Fab Latics, fa B? Le t IC? S? I was thought it was Fabletics when well no one told me that it's not Fabletics um, bought anything from me. I think it's like a subscription thing. But why is it that I'm always pronouncing things incorrectly Fabletics set fabrics. So anyway, Friday cab Friday camp five stars desperately needed this. I'm a little late to the party, but I'm obsessed. Your voice is so soothing and hits all the topics I've always needed to hear. You've helped me change my feeling towards my beautiful fat body. Heart. Well, thank you so blue Okay, next and cop. Ouch. And Ouch. Amazing podcast five stars. I love Victoria's podcast. It's so interesting to hear a talk about diet culture and its relationship to social justice, and politics. Plus Victoria's humor is on point. Always go to podcast one, I need to pick me up body wise and help me feel empowered. Another heart emoji. Thank you. And Matthew beef jerky, love the username. Very, very good stuff. I loved listening to Victoria. This podcast makes me smile and has become my go to when I need a reminder of what's important hint. It's being phased in whatever you do, and not letting hangups with body image trip you up on Mars. Hill, hey, so if you if you want to, if you want to leave a review, I'd make my brain very happy. And it means that more people can discover the podcast. And people need more fatty stuff in their life, right. So this episode, I want you to talk about how to dismantle fatphobia through body love. And this is something I've been thinking about. I was chatting, I was a chinwag. I was chatting with one of my coaches yesterday on my business coaches and talking about this topic, about how how sometimes so I love I love I love talking about two things. I love talking about how you can learn to love your body, and also how the world is fat phobic and fucked up and how that's kind of something that we need to change, not kind of, yeah, it's not something we need to change. And so often what I see is that people on the internet, people on the internet webs, people, humans, humans, some humans say, hey, focusing on learning to love your body is silly that I use that word silly. I'm just paraphrasing. It's unnecessary. It's irrelevant. It's not important when we have more important things to worry about, which is systemic, institutional, and structural, fatphobia fatphobia. So we need to get rid of societal fatphobia. That is what we need to be focusing on. But I say hey, hey, hey, yes, of course, we need to advocate for changes at a larger level. And it's something that I talk about a lot. But also, to be able to do that effectively, it would be very helpful if you are coming at it from a place of body acceptance, even body

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love. Because how can you truly advocate for changes that are larger, larger, larger level as effectively. If you think that your own body is bad. Learning that your own body is good, we'll help you deal with structural fatphobia better. And it means when you experience it, you will potentially less harmed by it. versus you know, if you're trying to fight something, and you're kind of halfway in the race, you're not going to be as effective. Right? You're picking up what I'm putting down here, hey, is victory here from the future. Two weeks in the future. I'm just wanting to add something here. That watching back I'm like, I'm not sure if I'm making this really explicit that learning to love your body is not going to stop fatphobia learning to love your body is not going to stop the world being fat phobic. Loving your body is not going to make doctors treat you better, but it's not going to make seats fit you. It's not going to end systemic fatphobia but if you're a place where you are agreeing with fatphobia if you're like yeah, it is fucking horrible to be fat. It's bad thing to be fat, fat people should be shamed. Fat people deserve the consequences of being Being fat in society, then if you are believing that about fat people, then there's the it's going to be very hard to dismantle fat phobia. So if you are learning to love and accept your body learning to dismantle your own fatphobia, then you'll be in a better position to be able to dismantle systemic fatphobia. Because you don't believe that is a bad thing to be fat, you don't believe that fat people deserve to be treated like shit. You believe that your body and all fat bodies deserve equal treatment are equally good as any other body out there, so I just wanted to pop in with that just to I was like, I'm not sure if I explicitly said, Hey, by the way, loving your body doesn't stop systemic fatphobia. But dealing with systemic fatphobia, if you don't agree with fat phobia is a lot easier. And obviously, there's the downside of being like, you know, you've seen the light, and now you're like off for fucksakes backfire visit fat phobia is everywhere. And it's kind of nice to be it's nice to not see it right? As much as when you're when you're educated about fatphobia. Because then you're like, it's everywhere. So there's, you know, there's downsizing, there's, and there's, you know, upsides, but doing this work of being activists, in whatever way shape or form that that that happens, is easier if you don't agree with the bigotry. And also when you do experience, systemic fatphobia instead of interpreting that as evidence that your body is not okay. If you are doing the work, have done the work. When you experience that stuff, each that comes up as evidence to prove that society is not okay. And so you're able to not internalize those messages as much and you know, it is that the society is not okay. It's not about our bodies. It's about society. And so yeah, if you're equipped with a, a different view about your body, that it's that it might be okay. Then instead of internalizing those really harmful messages, you're able to say, Aha, okay, this is not evidence that my body is bad. This is evidence that society needs to change, not my body that needs to change. Here I thought of an analogy to

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to show you what I show you what I mean, when I'm talking about this, so I watched this film the other day, but loads of glory Blades of Glory, Will Ferrell it's like from the 220s 2020 22,007 that was very hard to say 2007. So, spoiler alert, I'm going to tell you a vague idea of the plot, but I'm sure you can get an idea of the plot from the trailer. How this is kind of like this. This is what I'm talking about. So in Blades of Glory is a comedy film, right. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder Jon Heder was played Napoleon Dynamite AMAZING film. So Will Ferrell plays shares Michael Michaels a skillful skater but raunchy sex addict. This is on reading from Wikipedia, and Jimmy McElroy, which is Napoleon Dynamite. An equally talented but sheltered skater. And they tie for gold their ice skaters ice skater. Is that the right word? Yeah, I scaler Yeah, if they saw the tie for gold. From a start, the two skaters are clear polar opposites with different backgrounds. Chaz grew up on the streets and is a self taught skater while Jimmy was adult adopted by Darren McElroy, a wealthy man who adopts Jordan showing exceptional athletic ability. While standing on the awards podium after both skaters tie for gold the to have an argument that escalates into a fight and ends with the World Games mascot been accidentally set on fire. As a result, the national figure skating Association strips both men of them medals and bands and for competitive skating for life, I'm so sad. So they have a fight because they're so different. Will Ferrell is like this obnoxious, you know, like, who and, and, and Napoleon Dynamite is more kind of like, leave me alone and oh, you know, kind of whiny. And so they're opposites, and they both think that they're best. And then they both lose everything. And three years later, the ex coach realizes this is me speaking, realizes there's a loophole, and they can compete together as a men's double, and they there's no rule that they can't do that. And so they kind of get together because they both have this common goal. But it's a disaster. Because they don't like each other. And they, they're opposites. And, and, but it's only when they learn to respect each other, that they can compete and win. And so on their own, they stood less of a less of a chance, together, even they stood less of a chance when they didn't respect each other. And they didn't have to be the same. They didn't have to like each other. But when they respected each other, they were then able to go on and win. Right? So this is like the plot of so many different films, right? You know, to people who don't like each other come together, they learn to like each other, then they're like, at the end after you're pretty cool. And everyone wins a day, right? And it's the same with that war that you have on your body. If you don't have to be like, Oh my God, my body is the best fucking thing ever. But if you're actively hating it, how are you meant to come together and fight and win this common? This common goal achieve this common goal together if you're like, I'm trying to, I'm trying to advocate for other people too. And for me, for society to not treat us badly, but I'm going to treat myself badly. You know, everyone else's bad body is good, but not mine, because I'm really fucking horrible and disgusting, and blah, blah. You know, even if you can't get to the place where you think, Oh, I'm pretty cool. If you can just accept and respect your body. That would mean that you would be more way more effective at achieving your goals. And not only that, it's just it's everything in life, right? So this is what folks can be experiencing when they're not at peace with their body. And so maybe you might, what's the word for him, recognize his world. So this is what it's like when you're not at peace with your body. So getting dressed in the morning, noticing their body in the mirror and feeling disgust and wish they could just be thinner, picking out clothes in the wardrobe that are black and baggy to cover up their belly and hope it's slimmed down, you know, camouflage ism. So people are like, Oh, since you're wearing black, oh my god are you

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all day, adjusting their clothes to make sure that they are disguising any lumps or bumps that burn while they're barely when having conversations with others are not fully present as they worry what they look like and fidget with their outfit. They are in their head instead of being fully there for life. Like a cloud is following them all day long. Sometimes they forget about the cloud. But then they reminded and it ruins things for them ruins their day, that week. Even if they temporarily feel good, then something will trigger them to remind them that they shouldn't so maybe seeing themselves in a mero watching shows as those offend people, you know, they might feel good because they've put on a new new outfit or whatever. And at home, they feel good. But then they go out and they catch their reflection. They're like, Oh, actually, I don't and it kind of just ruins everything and kind of sours the day. Which sucks. So that is kind of what it's like and a lot of people are like year and me I'm like yep, I recognize all of that stuff. And the reasons that people experience that is because they genuinely honestly believe that their body is unattractive and should be hidden or made smaller. Like they deep down they think that they believe Like intellectually, they know that it may be is not true, but deep down, they believe that their body is not good. And this is because they haven't challenged their internalized fat phobia. They know that dieting doesn't work for them, but they just can't stop daydreaming, daydreaming about the idea of how much easier things would be if they lost weight, and they were straight sized. And technically, they can lose weight, right, but at what cost? You know, technically, we could all stop eating and become thin, temporarily, but it would kill us in the process, it would really damage our mental and physical health. So kind of like the options are kill yourself to try and become small in the hopes that you might appreciate your body, or overcome that false belief that you're holding on to that your body is not okay. Hey, you know, both are difficult, right? It's not I'm not going to say like, just learn to love your body, just snap your fingers. And it's done easy peasy, lemon and lime. No, it takes and learning a lot of balls she so So what to do in stead. So what to do instead is I think focus on your own internalized fat phobia first, alongside you know, trying to dismantle the the bigger systems at play. And then you're gonna be more able to do that that work. Right. So it's like, you know, the old adage, adage, the old example of on the airplane, they say, put your mask on first before helping others. Because if you can't breathe, then what help are you going to be to other people? If you can't breathe them, what help are you going to be to other people, if you put your mask on first, and you have oxygen, than your help able to help all of those around you help society at large. But if you if you can't, then it's kind of like stumbling at the first hurdle. And of course, you can still, but imagine if you took a deep breath and you had all the oxygen you needed, you'll be able to do those tasks a lot better than if you had just half of one lung of oxygen instead of two lungs of oxygen. Right? So So what could it look like? What could it look like? If you did take that deep breath? If you did look after yourself first and work on your own internalized fat phobia? Well, what it could look like. So here's an example. So for someone, what is what is it like for someone who is at peace with their body? So here's an example. When noticing their body in the mirror, they think nothing. Or on some days, they'll be like, Oh, hey, good looking. Or maybe you know, very infrequently, there might be like,

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their wardrobe is filled with bright colors and or outfits that bring them joy, and are authentically them. And they can pick it pick out something with ease and not have to you know, put it on and be like man, or put it on and then put something else on and still be like they're they're able to walk into any room and not worry what people may or may not be thinking and instead are able to engage with folks fully, not once having to waste time covering themselves, adjusting their clothes, or feeling shame. And they have so much more mental and physical energy to do things that make them happy. How much is that taking up of your life? How much is it taking up of my life? Like, oh, so much Oh much. So they'll they'll feel at home in their body. They are able to accept it as it is without losing weight. They know things would be easier if there were smaller because society is fucked up. But they realize it's an issue with society and not an issue with them. Let me repeat that. They know things would be easier in life if they were smaller or smaller, but they realize it is an issue of society and not an issue with them. They deep down feel that like, intellectually, we can feel that. But then deep down, you're like, Yeah, but I just want to be thinner. But they just like, You know what, it's just fucked up that I ever thought that and I'm so pleased, I'm not thinking like that anymore, nothing will convince them that their body is wrong. And because of that they're able to do things like wear bikini and not give a shit, ask for a pay rise, get the number of that hot person at the bar, straight down the street, knowing they're looking good, just getting on with life and not having this. Feeling that. But if only I'm just, I just don't look good. I just don't look good. So carrying on with that, a year from now, someone who is starting there, and carrying on with that journey of being friends with themselves were friends with their bodies, they're going to get to a place where they're spending hardly any time thinking of their body. And if they are, they're probably thinking, wow, look pretty cool. I'm pretty cool today, or thinking, Oh, maybe I should brush my hair. You know? Like, for me, I will like hardly ever look in mirrors. And then, you know, maybe I'll look on by Oh, yeah, you know, maybe I should, you know, my hair might be a little bit wonky today or whatever, or like, Oh, that looks good, you know. So they're able to focus on things that actually matter, like spending time with their kids or standing up for their what they want at work. In relationships, having sex, that is good, stead of having to fake like 50 orgasms and be like, Oh my God, because you know, you don't feel good. All without the cloud of body shame hanging over them. Go into the doctor and advocating for themselves engaging in self care, being an activist or not, and just getting on with life. So learning to love and accept your body is political. It's not something that's silly or irrelevant, or not serious. It is very serious. It is life giving it is life saving, and stone. So don't feel like it is not that if you're trying to focus on this stuff, that you're not doing the good work. Because you are doing, you're doing the good work, you're doing the work, and you are changing society. You are changing society. Imagine if all the fat in the world one day just woke up and decided, You know what? I'm pretty fucking cool. Do you know what there's nothing wrong with my body?

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Do you know what? I don't need your diet? What could happen? What would happen? Well, it's not going to erase fatphobia because not just fat people who are fat phobic, right? But it would be super, super powerful. And a step in the direction of changing the world and, and saying that, it's it's not your job as a fat person to stop fatphobia right. It is not the job of the oppressed to stop the oppression, it's the job of those who's doing the oppression to get their shit together, right. But if you want to feel better in your body, your you know, kind of like one of the side effects is that it's reducing fatphobia it's reducing fat phobia in your own brain. And those around you are going to kind of learn just by you know, it's like a side effect. Not necessarily meaning to but they'll you know, they'll start to pick up that, hey, it's not okay to to shame people because of their size. And hey, maybe I shouldn't be shaming myself because of my size. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I've got. That is what I have got to say about how to dismantle fatphobia through body love. So do it, do it. Do it. You can do it. You can do it. And it's important stuff, right? So, yeah. Okay, well, I hope you've enjoyed this pep talk. I've enjoyed this episode. And I will see you in the next one. Have an amazing rest of your day. And I will see you in a while. Alligator Okay bye Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to phase fatty Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist again that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first Matty Academy my signature program opens

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