so I had childhood OCD, um, and my parents tried to logic me out of it, and they were both therapists, and they would, you know, explain obsessive thinking to me and compulsive rituals, and they would spend a lot of time yelling at me, and it was unbearably lonely, and they would also say this thing to me that made no sense, which is, it's just magical thinking. Stop there. I can't give you any magic words. This is unproductive. It's magical thinking. And I remember thinking, but like, magical thinking is what I do best, right? Hmm, and and I, and magical thinking is what created a book like magical thinking is how, how I generate other worlds, right? And so it felt off to me. And all I really wanted was somebody to be to Leon ends up blowing bubbles with her at the sink. All I ever wanted was for somebody to be with me in my suffering and my loneliness. And then I in graduate school, and one of my stints in graduate school, I read a lot about the anti psychiatry movement. And this movement started by R D Laing in the UK. And then there were some soteria houses in the US, where when people were in the midst of psychosis, instead of attempting to talk them out of it, you'd be with them. And they called it the psychological term for it was being with which is hilarious, because it's on the surface so simplistic and actually, like, deeply profound. So it was the idea of like, okay, somebody's somebody sitting around and thinks the mirrors are talking to them. Well, let's sit with them and talk back. So instead of imposing a reality on them, entering into their suffering with them, so that they weren't alone. And so I brought that concept to bear with this idea of how one could treat OCD and anxiety in a way that didn't pathologize, and how you could enter into somebody's loneliness with them and see if that could be healing. So Leon's attempt to logic her out of it resembles what my parents did. Louise's attempt to create this magic ritual that sort of empowers her and cures OCD is grandiose and also sort of delightful and also grandiose and narcissistic. It isn't really about Lydia. And in the end, what Leon does is sits with her in it and tries to make something playful out of it with her. And so that's sort of the, the thought experiment, I guess, of that, of that chapter,