i cracked the coat of the bathroom. the reason i used to get trapped in the bathroom at every ayahuasca retreat, holy shit. it all makes sense now what it's so obvious. there was a part of self that was still trapped in that time when mom broke down on the bathroom floor crying and told me way too much personal stuff about her dad leaving. And I mean, that was so much more of a foundational moment than I even realized. Like, I've thought about that since then and thought about how, like, fucked up that is, did you do the kid? I didn't realize that was actually the bathroom was actually the proving ground for a lot of the mythic narrative of the big bad dad, big old moon, Saturn versus the victim mom. I don't know who that is, Venus. Venus, yeah, because, oh my god yes, Venus the victim, Big Bad daddy, Saturn. That's when the story was set that defined the pattern. Because, of course, it's not fully true, but like, it kind of was, I. and so it set me up to think that my Venus and Saturn were in composition, that it was always going to be I going to be us begging them in not to leave us, because she also taught me that we needed them to save us. And that's really, yeah. I mean, it's just like all the Saturn shit, and it's the original father wound. As I walked past this church, dad left, because we were bad looking at Jesus on a cross, the arms pulled in two opposite directions, just as they were saying. Gallery said that in class last night that Jesus on the cross symbolized the soul, the self, the human being, pulled in two opposing directions at once. And that's kind of a it's just kind of human incarnation. So the work is to reconcile the opposites, to resolve the tension. I I don't know, to realize that life is suffering only as long as you're letting yourself be pulled I don't know what's the secret. You turn into a rainbow body, you come down off the cross and you let them think you're dead, and you really turn into a rainbow body. Do some Jedi mind tricks.