Where has your mind gone? I was coaching a client of mine recently who's been married for a long time and she was like the subject of the conversation was like helped me deal with my husband who's frustrated me to No, and everything he does how he does it is just so annoying. We started exploring that like Yes. What is he doing with this officer? And most importantly, what is happening to you? Why are you more and more resentful and more sensitive towards what he does or doesn't do? And we did. It came down to a limiting belief. She was feeling like she was not fulfilling here. his needs and when it came down to it, it was actually his sexual needs. She felt that by the time he was ready to go, she wasn't she was too sleepy, she went to go to bed, their schedules were no longer aligning. And one thing led to another and before she knew has been a month since they haven't had any sex at all, and for her, that passiveness on their intimacy is now manifesting in frustration. So how does that manifest for you specifically? When you stop high, you know, communication in your marriage, how does that manifest to you? And maybe you're having sex every day, but you're not talking? How is that manifesting that lack of conversation or communication. So remember, my friends that our desires, and our own needs and Mater, one of the things my clients and limiting belief was, is like, what I do is to fulfill his needs. And I feel that I am not fulfilling his needs, well comes down to not fulfilling her own needs either. Okay, but often, I think that intimacy allows us. So I feel that in intimacy, we often think that it is the thing that we do for the other person. And not just women, men might feel the same thing. I'm doing this for her, we forget that it's also about fulfilling our own ways of expressing our love, our communication. So I want to invite you to just embrace the idea that sex is beautiful and essential. And that it is there to fulfill your desires is there for you to feel like you'd be long for you to communicate, it is for you, for him for the marriage is a powerful way to affirm our love and our commitment to our husbands to ourselves. And just notice what happens to your relationship. When you're intimate, not at that moment, my client was like, I fall asleep, I'm like, great, so you have good sleep, what else happens? Oh, I feel that I'm more patient the next day, or I feel that we're more connected, that we're getting along, he does add something. And if you're not aware of what he does to you get into it, like, really get curious about what it does to you personally and to your relationship. This is an opportunity for connecting for bandwidth. So if this isn't working for you, if you're telling yourself this is just for him, I get nothing out of it. I really want you to think about any limiting beliefs you might have about this about sex. Who's sex for? Why is it worth doing it or not? What are your thoughts around it? For those of you who think I just don't have time, it's just so much work, what you're thinking about the wrong way. You're thinking that communicating with your husband is just too much work. Of course, it is too much work. But it is worth it. It gives us great rewards. What are those rewards for us to specifically for your marriage? How can you make it if you have a lot of like, ah, it just doesn't get me. It's not as good for me. You're not as invested in it, like making it work for you. One of the questions I ask all my clients before they, when they sign up for coaching is how are you going to make this work for you? How are you going to guarantee your own success? And what that does is like it stops them from thinking I'm here for audit to give me all the things but they start thinking, ooh, how am I going to make this work for me? Now I have to think about it like this in your own marriage? How can I get into conversations with my husband work? I enjoy the conversation. How can I if sex is something you're not enjoying lately, like things have gotten boring? I don't know why. How can you turn yourself on? Again? How can you turn that button on and be like, hold on, this is here for me. And this is how I get to be engaged in it. So I know that self investigation of like can be daunting to go to what what is my limiting beliefs about sex, but I think is so essential, especially especially when it comes to sex. So let's challenge some of the limiting beliefs that most people have. Sex is only for his pleasure, or is something that we just have to do. And if you put it in the calendar, you tell your husband today is next day. Let's go How does that feel? What does it feel to be on the other side of you? How are you communicating your needs? How are you thinking about this communication? I think it's time for you to break free from any outdated ideas that embrace that make you not embrace your opportunity to express yourself in a healthy way but also that make you be an active participant. If you're always positive about it, how What how does that feel? If you're always saying no? Or if you're always like, okay, calendar like, what does what does it feel to be on the other side of you? How does that feel for you even? How are you engaging in this in a way that is exciting for you? Just like you think about your communication and I coaching is so much my cleanser like how do I address difficult conversations with others? Or my husband? Specifically? How do I disagree with him? We are getting to be arguments, how do I set boundaries? How do I want to feel about sex in general, as a vital part of my life? How am I supplying this need for my marriage, it is a marriage marital need. So think about it. My friends, sex is a language on its own. It speaks volumes about our own emotional and physical connection. And that connection and bond with our husbands. When we engage in intimate moments, we're telling them, I love you, I desire you. I'm here for you. It's a conversation that deepens our bond and strengthens our marriage. Now, I want to, you know, some one of my clients answered back when I sent this email, and she said, I think Hollywood has make us feel that sex has to be wild, and like, often, every day and whatever. That's cool. Notice what you like about that idea of Hollywood, but also know what will notice what is your truth, your reality? What is fun for you? What what works for your marriage. And a friend of mine posted this quote the other day, and I think it applies to good for sex. Specifically, if you want to take the magic out of something, compare it to something else. When it comes to your own relationship with your husband, do not compare it to your friends. They're having sex three times a week, how come on, we're not because you're showing up into this conversation with a deficiency. Versus like, how often do I feel like having sex? How often like feel like telling my husband is like, this is why I encourage you to notice what happens after in your relationship, because that is your leading motivation. Now I feel like we can have better conversations like everything's more smooth at home, that I feel more secure and more confident in his love for me my love for him. And this is where mindset comes into play. You guys, if you haven't noticed yet, your biggest sex ordinate is your brain. It what it is what turns you on or off? It is what tells you you're beautiful and sexy or not. It is what tells you this a very important part of bonding or not.