Hi, everyone. Welcome to the badass bodyworkers podcast! And today we have a very lovely guest, Tobi Lessem. We are going to be talking about how to reverse engineer our goals. So this is something that we're both very, very excited to talk about. And as we go through these chapters of our life, like for me, my goals ebb and flow, and they continue to evolve. So this has been a really passionate, yet frustrating topic of mine that I've been interested in a long time. And I've started to have these wonderful conversations with Tobi about goal setting, and we want it to bring this to our audience and let you guys know what our little hacks are and how we go through the process of setting our goals and, and reaching our biggest desire. So Tobi, welcome to the show. Please let our audience know a little bit about you and your backgrounds and why you're here with us today. Well, well, you're here in Hawaii right now. But while on your amazing vacation.
Awesome, Rebecca, thank you so much for having me on your podcast and love the badass bodyworkers and all the fun people and just like, I listen to the podcast all the time and get inspired myself. So it's super just exciting to be able to give back a little bit of my experience. So just to talk about that is I've been a body worker for about 12 years, and I had my own private practice. I worked in like, five different locations at any given time, I had like a trillion jobs, you know, I was doing everything from doing work with like hospice all the way to triathlons, you know, and everything in between. And I was just in a million places at once. And I know you get that you multi passionate people, they just do that, you know, just natural.
So you said you've been doing this for about 12 years? That's about how long I've been doing it to about 12 or 13? How like, what is your timeline look like from creating your business to working a half a dozen jobs or more at a time to where you are now because the life of a business owner, as my friend, Alexa said the other day girl she said being a business owner is the equivalent to riding on a roller coaster while battling your demons. So how do we? How do we navigate all the ebbs and flows in the roller coasters while still trying to keep our sights on the end goal? Like how do you even begin to do that? Especially if you're like me, and ADHD is fuck? And things are always changing? Like, how on earth do you even start to like get your feet on the ground?
Oh my god, well, first of all, you have to love your ADHD as much as you hate it first, right? You got to just give it love and say, You know what, it's here for a reason. It shows me all of these crazy new pathways. Like that's sweet. Like, I'm just gonna love it for what it is right? But then you have to say there are some markers that I'm not going to let change no matter what there's going to be a vision and a Northstar and a goal. And everything else around me is driving me friggin crazy and doing a million different things. But this thing that I set that I put a pin in, that's not changing, that's not moving, right. And so a big part of what I work with is this idea of reverse engineering your lifestyle. So if you're a body worker, especially if you want to have your own business, it's got to be a lifestyle, right? It's got to be understood that it's not just a job, right? Doing a job is very different than having your own business or having your own career or having a bodywork practice, that's basically an extension of yourself. So if we're going to create this lifestyle, you got to have these pins in that the pins are basically your goals and your visions that don't change, they don't change, things can get added and things can move around and all the cycles around it can happen. But those pins have to stay the same. And that's gotten me through my crazy ADHD and just like this, like she's this insatiable need, I've got to change things. And always be in that. I don't know if you know I or Vedic medicine, but there's like vata, which is when I got crazy pata. So I'm like always moving and changing and for me, like the destruction and the recreation is where it's at, you know?
Are you an Aquarius, too?
I'm a Virgo. I have some earth.
Yes, oh, I love my Virgo friends. They're their best I feel like they're so good like in their most balanced state it like grounding themselves and staying connected. And I love the fact that you said lifestyle because for me the word job implies obligatory stuff that you don't want to do. And you know, again, a sense of like obligation and to me a job ARB doesn't feel my passion is just something to get me from point A to point B but with what I do, because I'm so multifaceted, I have nomadic Bodyworks which is my hands on, like, you know, massage company. Then I have BABs and then I have all my travelling stuff and all these other endeavours. And like you said, having a North Star for me, my North Star. It has a little galaxy, like so many little galaxies around it. And one of my friends told me a while back, Rebecca, like, everything you want to do like your lifestyle? I can't compartmentalise anything, Tobi, because for me, everything has a string attached back to my two main things, which is body work and BABs. So when I travel, I'm able to go and visit people and set up like meetups or sleepovers or interview somebody or help somebody out at their business or audit their business and go see a concert and go hiking all at the same time. And I find myself like, Wow, there's so much potential, and so many opportunities, but how the fuck do I hone that in?! And my friend had told me a while back, I don't know if I mentioned it to on our last conversation, but she said Rebecca, you are the sun in your galaxy. And badass bodyworkers is just one planet Nomadic Bodyworks is another planet, your podcast is another planet and you need moons that go around all these planets. But all of these planets are part of the same solar system. And whenever she told me that I was like, "Holy fuck, that makes so much sense!" because it can all work together, but all have its own pace and his own vibes and goals and stuff. So that's kind of how I've been approaching things with goal setting on my end. I know you just said reverse engineering, how do you go through and like, figure that out for yourself? Because you talked about the pin. But like, how long? How long is that? How many pins Do you have? You know?
It's such a good question. And I mean, just like the moons have cycles, right? Even the moon itself is going to go through transitions. And I'm not a big metric person. Like I'm not a big on saying, I'm going to set my goal. And I'm going to measure incrementally all across the way because for me, again, it's about the lifestyle. And if I want to spend my life tracking numbers, cool, but that's not what I want to be doing. Google Analytics can do that for us. I am not. Personally let the AI do it. That's what it's here for.
Yes. And shout out to Savannah more with my massage world. If y'all need numbers, she's your girl. Because that sure as hell is not me Do not come at me with numbers.
When it comes to numbers,no joke, it's no joke. And so like, that's the thing is for me, it's like, I set the pin on. Okay, I need, let's say 10 practitioners working in my clinic. And that's just where I'm at now, you know, go backwards. 12 years, my goal was stop living off selling soda cans to get money. I mean, I was broke, I was broke. So like, my first goal was I need a job, I need to do body work as a job. But I need to learn what that means. So I need to work in all sorts of environments while making money because I'm literally selling diet pepsi cans to make a few bucks to pay for gas. Like it was no joke, right? So like every step of the way, like you said is going to change. But I have found the biggest thing that needs to happen is we need to recalibrate our self identity and who we are as it changes. I'm not that person selling soda cans anymore. I mean, I'm in Kona, about to go on the beach and enjoy my life or my clinic is running itself. But if I still kept that mindset of kind of that struggle, and that survival mode of I need a few Pepsi cans to pay for gas, like I would never have grown, I would have been stuck in that world. So for me, it's about how do I get through to the next pin? It's have i elevated my own identity to meet the circumstance. That's what it means to keep moving around the pins and to find it is am I a bigger, more vibrant person as my external lifestyle changes, right? And if I'm not there yet, then I haven't reached it. And if I'm there three, I can move on to the next thing. You know what I mean?
Yes, it actually kind of reminds me of something that Matthew McConaughey said during one of his acceptance speeches at the Oscars. He said that 10 years ago, somebody came up to him and said, "Matt, who's your hero?" And he said after a long pause, "You know what? It's me in 10 years." So 10 years later, fast forward, he is accepting another award and brought that up. He said "10 years ago, somebody asked me who my hero is. And I said it's me and 10 years well today, my hero is not me right now. It's me and another 10 years because I'm always striving to be the next best version of myself."
The decisions and everything that you make in that moment should be - well I say "should be" but also say stop SHOULDING on yourself - it "should be" the most highest elevated version of yourself. Whenever I'm trying to work through a goal or a block always ask myself like, literally what would Rebecca do like five years from now? What would Rebecca do if I had already reached my goals? Like right now I'm going through major transitions. And it's hard to keep your eyes set on a goal when everything else sort of seems like topsy turvy in the moment. I use this analogy a lot with my coaching and with people it's like having an old antique mirror. And you know, it's gorgeous. And you know, it's worth a lot and you know, it has a ton of potential, and you know, that you're just gonna love what you see reflected back at you, but that old mirror is covered in dirt and dust. And guess what's the only way to clean it is to make it dirty, or is to get that rag and smear that shit everywhere get some Windex or vinegar or whatever, and clean it off, but it's gonna get a lot dirtier before it gets clear. So right now as we're recording this podcast, I'm in the cleaning the antique Mirror Mode, I know it's there. I know what I'm striving for. But I'm in the the messy, middle. And on social media, we often see the course every now and then we'll see the befores. But most of what we see on social media is the after. It's not the messy middle. It's not what is behind the perfectly laid out square image on Instagram. It's the whole there's a whole picture and that's why I like talking to people like you because we learn what the whole picture is. And I find that I grow more whenever I have obviously overcome my own struggles or talking to other people about how they overcome there is because there is no quick fix in this business. But there are a lot of shortcuts. And I want to help people find those shortcuts and not distract themselves like with me, I have a shit tonne of goals. But I also have a shit ton of distractions and shiny objects.... How do you stay focused whenever there's just like FOMO everywhere like Fear Of Missing Out?How do you stay focused whenever there's just so many things to to allocate our energy towards and so much content to absorb and things to learn?
Like, how do you own it? This is my this is my bread and butter. This is what I love literally brings tears to my eyes. I'm like, oh my god, this is my favourite topic because again with like ADHD and just like this, like ultra passionate soul that says, Oh my God, there's so much to life and there's so much vibrancy and there's so many things. I want to be part of a know and understand and all that like, that's a great passion. What I found is every day should be broken up into how how do you the activities you engage with serve a different part of you. So I'll give you a super simple example is we've all got a physical body, we've got an energetic and emotional, cognitive or rational like we've got all these parts to ourself. So I'm gonna say like, and some people like to plan their day and some people don't some people literally have a schedule and a calendar and some people don't. Like you got to figure out what works for you. For me. I do like a structured day. So I say to myself, I'm gonna start Monday, I'm a rower. I'm gonna get on the water, I'm gonna row I'm going to be in the sun. I'm gonna watch the sunrise and the animals and it's going to be social. I'm going to have fun right? And I know that that's going to serve me physically. And then I go straight into my computer and I do that shitty work I do the work that's like sitting and staring at Blue lay and a flat screen but like I got my body move and I was outdoors I feel good. I know that for a couple hours after that I can stare the stupid blue lay and like it'll be okay. But I also have that energy so I don't so I gauge and I go Am I feeling like this is a creative next couple hours where do I feel like I can focus and like get some actual work done and if I don't you know I don't force it I give myself that leeway where it say what part of me needs to be fed today right it's like watch you're like what do I need for lunch and green smoothie or a doughnut like sometimes you need a fucking donut right (hopefully gluten free) but you know...
jelly jelly filled for meQ
Okay, we know anybody out there? we need to get Rebecca jelly filled chocolate donut!
Don't don't go don't make me go down a rabbit hole on food stuff because I will easily like tangent over into that. So for me like I just redid my calendar a couple of days ago and I said okay, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, or my podcast days like my editing my recording like all my busy work days. I don't have anything specifically time blocked out like from eight to 9am I'm going to I can't y'all I am again. My ADHD I'm Aquarius, I'm not type A, I can schedule like a whole day to do to focus on XYZ. But I'm probably not going to time block my day. Because that's not how I function best. However, I do know that my computer time, like in the morning, because I'm quite the early bird, but I usually will start in a late my computer work from eight or 9am, up until turrible. One, that's when I work the best body work wise, I like to do the afternoons from like two to seven. And that's used to be I would never take an evening client. So and you said we work in cycles, like, I also very rarely ever take massage appointments whenever I'm on my cycle, because my cycle luckily, it comes on the diet every 28 days personally for me, but I'm just so exhausted, and it's really heavy, I don't have a lot of energy, no matter how much exercise I do, or vitamins I take, I No, I'm not going to perform my best. Therefore, I try not to do my body work during those five to seven days of the month. And that's how I've been able to kind of structure my calendar. And then and then there's another layer to that for me, which is the seasons, I like to work by the seasons during the summer, I'm probably going to Well, apart from right now because I'm in the middle of relaunching, you know my website and reaching those set goals, which we can talk about later. Because that did not turn out anything like I had expected in my mind. But I'm like during the summer, I want to take a little bit of time to cool down. And to not like overwork myself. Because I live in South Louisiana, it's already hot as hell like I already get a heat fatigue really easily. The last thing I'm going to do is like do a shit tonne of out calls in the heat. So for me knowing what season I'm in, like mental season or actual physical like it's literally hurricane right now. You know, I'm able to really structure my life or my goals on a seasonal basis. So three to four months at a time is all that I am personally capable of. As far as it being tolerable for me to allocate my schedule and organise things because five years down the road. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck my goal is going to be in like five years, I don't know, I work like maybe I can have a long term goal set by the end of the year. But in reality, I'm only going to work like I'm not going to work further than that three or four months, like I had a time. But that makes sense. Because I want to focus on now. I know that was a lot.
No, no, it's totally true. I was trying to remember the name of the book I've read where it's literally about how to structure your life around the seasons. And like you said, there's literally the annual season you know, different summer, spring, winter fall, but there's seasons of life. Like there's some predictable decades of real life that have like a certain like a Zeitgeist as it were right? Like, what's the zeitgeist of the season in your personal life on the micro level? But what's the zeitgeist of the culture and the macro level? You know, there's so much social unrest going on. And there's so much conflict in the country, and there's so much division, and there's so much just things boiling? Seriously. So it's like, you know, if we're feeling internal struggle and division, and just like a level of unrest, like, good, like, at least we're not out of sync with what's going on in the world, you know, I know and then well, some people, they're, they're so overly tuned in that I feel like it almost keeps them like a pair of pliers.
And honestly, I can say that about myself, because, okay, so going going back to the topic, which is, I call it cathedral goal setting because that was in a book that I read by Tanya Dalton, I'll put it in the show notes. We call it reverse engineering. Either way, it's like having that goal ahead of you and knowing what the steps are. So I knew what the big end goal was, it is, you know, what point A is, which is where you are right now and you know where point z is, which is your end goal, but nobody ever tells you the B to the Y steps, like okay, I know where I'm starting at and I know where I want to be but how the fuck do I get there? So I'm in I'm in that stage currently, but I had this idea in my mind okay, I'm going to relaunch my website and I'm going to do all these challenges and all these webinars and blah blah blah and I'm like That's fucking exhausting. I don't want to do that. I don't need to do that. I have a hot audience. I don't need to warm up my audience. Like I'm so sick of the same shit everyone else is doing. Why would I want to be a carbon copy but I was beating myself up about it because they're in my mind with as much time I spent online there's a quote right way to quote relaunch your business and if you don't do it that right way you will not be quote guaranteed a six figure income and I'm so fucking sick of reading stuff about that. Because to me that takes away from In the authenticity and it was taking me away from my original goal, which was to simply have a new website that was a central hub for every therapist that they could access, not get caught up in the the trending marketing shift that's happening with online coaches and influencers. I was really comparing myself due to the FOMO. And that held me back so much like I literally could have did this six months ago. But I didn't like when we originally talked back in November, like or December, whenever I was on my reset over the winter, because during the winter, I like to hibernate, I stayed up on a cute little organic farm. You know, we had this conversation. And I couldn't like literally had my website done like that month, but six months later, like I had to let go of the outcome because people get disappointed whenever they get attached to an outcome. And I had this outcome in my head. And whenever things didn't meet up the timeline that I had assumed in my head, I couldn't get upset with anyone else for not making that timeline because I never verbalised that to start with. I never had a plan. It's all stuck up here. But it wasn't written down. So here I am!
And here you are! And you know, Rebecca, you're the perfect you are such a perfect leader for this community. Because the reality is, is we get to see you go through the ups and downs and the left turns that we're supposed to be right turns, but at the end, like it's the service like we're we're benefiting, right? Like you're where your audience and we get to benefit from your experiences, your trials and errors, your successes and joys and triumphs, right, like we get to see that and learn from it and really process it with you. And so I think one of the biggest things that I've found is, if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing is supposed to meaning like what you feel called to do what you feel in alignment with, you know, the people you're serving benefit, regardless of the deadline set, right? Regardless of whether or not the website has the right font, right? Like, it's not about that it's about the message. It's about the purpose. It's about really connecting. And I think you're a perfect example of showing that showcasing it right, like, yeah, things are going to change, they're going to shift. We're not robots, we're not set in stone. And thank God for that, right. Like who, you know, we don't need another algorithm algorithm to decide what our day is going to look.
Like there's an app for that there's like 30,000 apps for that. And I do appreciate that compliment, too. And used to I would be so scared of like showing it because if I fuck up, everyone else, like I have had this wonderful community of people, but like, they're all seeing my mistakes. And that is a little bit intimidating. But at the same time, I'll always say I fuck up. So you don't have to, you know, I learned just as much from people like you and students and people who've been doing this for 20 years, and people not even in our industry whatsoever. And I think it's beautiful whenever you're able to clearly, like when it comes to my goals, I know where I want to be. But a lot of people I mentoring, they want to be where I already was five years ago. And that's all you have to do to help people reach their goals is to literally be one step in front of them. And it's yeah, it's but yeah, there's so many trials and stuff like I've hit so many potholes along the way, there's a lot of potholes in New Orleans, by the way. And I driven over allof them. My goals were based around, you know, I have I have some debts I need to pay off, you know, and my goals were based around it being monetary and part of it. I mean, it is important to have a monetary goal in mind because you have something to work towards. But in the book that I read on purpose, which again, I'll put in the show notes, she also says whenever you're making a goal, like it's okay to let it be a little bit flexible, you can say instead of saying I want to drop 10 pounds by the end of the month, you can say it would be awesome if I dropped 10 pounds by the end of the month. But if I make it to five, that's still me hitting my goal. And if I make it to 15 that is way overshooting. So that number that 10 pounds, or the 10 clients, whatever, it's just an average, you can give yourself a little bit of leeway to tweak it and adjust it that way. You're still celebrating if you made it to your bare minimum. But also if you you know did more than 20 Push ups you can still celebrate too. And I've had to give myself a lot of grace on that is not being so fucking married to the outcome. And that's where we see people fail a lot, right, Tobi?!
People are so married to this idea that they have in their head. They're just kind of stuck to it and anything outside of the norm anything outside of this proven structure that we've been shown. It can be it can be really hard to You try and like do what feels good for you and feels in alignment for you, and what aligns with your values versus what we know, works. Because we've seen it, we've seen other people do it. So there's a lot achieved things that I mean, if I could just like put that in a bottle and like sell it, like the big thing is, don't do what everyone else is doing. There's too many variables in life to say that I can do a carbon copy of somebody else, and it's going to turn out the same, you're a different human, right, you're different, there's going to be so many factors, they're not going to nothing, nothing is gonna guarantee that you get six figures, just because somebody else did nothing. I don't care who you are, right? Even, you know, you see, like, parents who pass down their business to their kid, right? And like, they think, Oh, I've set this whole infrastructure up for you. Like, it's been in the family for three generations, and you give it to your son and your son's like, Dude, I want to be a fucking rocker like that. This isn't for me, like, Fine, go do your music, right? Like, like it just the reality is there's too many variables you got to do you. And there's actually a great book called Living in flow, the science of synchronicity. It's pretty sweet. We could put that in the show notes, too. Yeah, but the big thing is that, you know, we're going to be put into experiences and life circumstances, sometimes we don't have control over. But when you start to tap into that flow, and you really trust the process, and, you know, I hate to be cliche, but like, there is just this flow, that's natural way of being that says, No, I don't have to not set goals and have dreams and passions, and like I said, those pin points. But once I set the pin, the way I get there, that's going to be on me, like that's going to be the flow. Like I'm gonna go okay, yeah, I'm going down that river. But I don't know what's gonna happen from here to the end of the river, right? Like, I don't control the water. I don't control the rocks. You know, my little inner tube might flip over. But if I stole my beer, and like, it's all good.
Right?! HERE - hold my beer! Yeah, so your flagpole right now. You're currently in Hawaii on vacation having this amazing conversation with me. Thank you. But also you have a full clinic at like at home that's being run remotely. So let's like peel back the onion layers a little bit. And look at that reverse engineering. How did you get from being in Hawaii enjoying your vacation having an amazing team to you know, little old Toby just having this idea in her mind? Like, what were the milestones along milestones along the way that led you here right now?
Super good question. Um, I'll start with this. I started with multiple anxiety disorders. So when I was in high school, I had social anxiety, I had a speech impediment, I had an eating disorder and a whole bunch of shit that just kept me basically in my own little brain. And I couldn't get out of it. And I was like, I want to connect, I want to I want to be in this world and be doing my life purpose. And I admittedly, I always felt like there was something bigger. So if you don't feel that, I would say the first part of the reverse engineering lifestyle is find that vision. And you can find that vision right with retreats, plant medicine, coaches, listening to this podcast, you know, the first step of anything when it comes to reverse engineering is have a vision and have clarity if you don't find it, because it's there it's waiting for you to tap into so that's step one. So again, so I went from just living a super small pretty fucked up life. Knowing that had some vision.
Yeah,we could do a podcast later about how fucked up our lives have been. That's like a five hour that's like a bonus bonus content foranybody interested but that turned out to be like, Yeah, I want to hear about your fucked up life. It's like well, well, that's the juicy stuff, right? That's what people are really wanting to hear. Like, everyone can hear about the successes but in reality like we want to know all the dirty details and all the dirty laundry because it it makes us feel better for like, I don't want to say misery loves company, but it does. It makes us feel better knowing that YEEEEAH, we're not alone. And for me, I have found myself typing out to people mostly regarding my bus renovation, typing out to people. It's so feasible for everyone else but me. Why is it so easy for everyone else and honestly, like going back to having your main goal and a vision, if it doesn't make you want to throw up just a little bit, it's not the right one. Like it Gotta make you a little bit sick. You know, I'm not talking about like a pit in your stomach and dread. I'm talking about, like the butterflies in your stomach and the OH SHIT what now because once you make a decision, it's like, fuck, now you have to uplevel now you now you can't make excuses for not having a laptop anymore, Rebecca, you have to uplevel. So whenever you make that decision you're holding yourself accountable to and that's beautiful.
It's so beautiful. I mean, that's the process. Like I love the up levelling idea, right? It's like, you can't be your same self, and actually do this thing. And that's the beauty. You got to change your whole self needs to change. And it's interesting, I'm going through a process right now with my sister who she two years, a year before COVID hit, she got pregnant, and she developed something called hCG. And she basically almost died during pregnancy. And it has created a lot of PTSD and trauma in her body. And she basically went from the H G to A really, really difficult almost life threatening labour and delivery. Then the baby's born and COVID hits. She's so scared. All of it. Yeah, completely isolates for two solid years. She's now coming out of that. But it's a it's a hot mess. And we're I'm helping her work through this process that I kind of went through. I mean, I didn't have the same experience. But with this anxiety with the trauma with the isolation. What does that look like to get out of that? And to find your vision to find your purpose to find that North Star and those pins? And how are you going to use those as like little anchors to get yourself to the next step? Sometimes it's getting out of survival mode. And sometimes it's way bigger than that. Sometimes it's about to change the world, like, you know, and it can be anything in the middle. Right? So, yeah, so yeah, find your vision have clarity around that. And again, there's like so many ways to do that, which we can get into later. And then so the next one is getting out of survival mode. That to me is like it's so important, because we can give all the business advice we want, I can help people like with their marketing strategies as much as they want. But if their mindset is not in the right place, none of it's going to fucking work, none of it. So it doesn't matter, you know, at the end of the day, and isn't it funny how it's so much easier to help other people like achieve their goals and to work on your own? Right? And so hard? So your your anchors and pin going back to your story. So how do you kind of have like a little book that lives like me? And you're like, "you know what, I'm just I'm ready for more, I'm ready for more. This is what I want to do. I'm sick of being stuck and stagnant!"
Did you have help along the way other people helping you reach those milestones? And like figuring it out? Or did you just go through the dirty process on your own?
I love mentors. I think it is your choice if you find a mentor because what happens is, you put it out there again this is goes back to that being flow and synchronicity let the ego down. I needed so much help, like so much help. I didn't know anything. And I was like, All I know is I've got this goal, that I'm getting couture today and I'm gonna take the steps you can't not walk toward the goal. But when you walk toward it, people who are a step ahead of you, like you said, they want to teach you they want to help you they want to show up. Now that's not to be said that it was perfect. I had mentors who ended up being a little bit controlling. I had mentors who ended up wanting to kind of play kind of a daddy or the mommy role sometimes like, I don't know if anybody relates to that, like I had people who manipulated the power dynamic. So you do have to be careful and you have to be trusting but you have to be a little bit aware and smart. But I've had at least five mentors in my life who have completely changed my entire life who I give mad credit to and every chance I get I give a shout out because they were just so pivotal in taking me to the next level. I asked the questions I waited for the answers I trusted their opinion I looked for things that supported what they were telling me to cross reference, right so and no kind of like fact checking. Yeah, I did my homework, but But yeah, mentorship, it's all that it's everything. You we need each other. We need each other.
How did you how did you do your goals? Was it like okay, when I make or when I reach x amount of dollars and I'm on to the next one, or was it like okay, I'm giving myself two months to do XYZ like did you put a timeline because I, I tend to not put hardcore timeline dates and it be like my next goal is usually based on more emotional type things if that makes sense. Like where I'm travelling and like what I want to do more so than oh, I want to be here in three months. Um, is that does that question make sense? I don't think it makes.
It makes perfect sense. And, you know, since we're talking to a bunch of body workers, I think they're gonna relate to the answer, which is, hell yeah, it's gonna be an emotional experience, right? Like, I guess if we were at like an MBA school for business, and we told somebody to, like, check their emotions when they're making a financial decision. Like, it's a different vibe, it's a different scene. But in bodywork, I think, I think we can make emotional decisions, I think we can be tapped in enough to ourselves, our clients, our clinics, our environment, to know when it's a good time to ship and when it's a good time to stay. But again, that comes from grounding, because sometimes we make decisions based on that fight or flight. Sometimes we make decisions based on our own attachment issues. Sometimes we make it based on trauma, those are the times it's not going to take you toward your goal. Those are the times it's gonna be a distraction. It's gonna be a fear tactic, right? So I'm big on getting to the core of our fears, before we make any big decisions, because otherwise we're living in fear. And we're not making decisions that go toward there.
Yeah, that is such a gold nugget. I tell massage therapists all the time, like you were hiring. I'm like, I realised that everyone is absolutely desperate. Desperate for staff members right now, by the way, I always say staff members because of the whole ice versus employee thing. But we're also desperate for staff members and help right now. But if we're hiring based out of desperation, versus based on our company values, and what we're going to tolerate, then, you know, our business is going to be set up to it may take a little bit longer. Yeah, you may not be making an influx of cash right away. But if you're hiring your therapist based on their values versus their, like, immediate availability, for example, I see so many times that therapists do this. And then they're like, Oh, my client, like my therapist, just no show or they didn't come to their interview. And it's like, well, you're hiring because you're desperate, you're not hiring because, you know, you're trying to reach XYZ goal. You're hiring because everyone is creating this scarcity mentality around you, there's not enough to go around. But in reality, there is. And I think now, especially that the industry is changing so much, there's better discernment, and people are starting to see through the bullshit, they are starting to follow their passions, everyone always says, nobody wants to work. That's not true. Nobody wants to work the way we were working before the pandemic, everyone is starting to realise how important and pivotal it is to make decisions. And especially work opportunities based around what light says the fuck up, not you know, who's going to be working us for like, you know, eight to 10 hour work days, that's like even I just had to tell a spa that I was helping out at that they like their schedule, and what they were paying me did not align with my own financial and personal goals. So therefore, I was taking a sabbatical until XYZ dates whenever they raise their rates, meaning I would make more money too. And they told me, we can't treat you any differently than anyone else just because of who you are. And I understand that, and I respect that. But they also respected me for saying, Okay, I understand that you can't do this. But me being a business owner, because you won't pay me an extra extra x percent, that means you're losing out on $3,000 worth three bookings a month. So, you know, like, from the employer point of view, is it fair for an employer to pay me extra just because of who I am? Or my availability or desperation? Or should they stick to their values and have that amazing team environment that they have by not letting so essentially, they chose to, in their mind, you know, they chose the team environment and the workplace values over finances. And that's also something that I respect too. So it's twofold. With me, it's like part of me is really irritated because I want to help them out. And I love their clientele, and I love their business. But part of me the other part of me, is also like, No, this is time to focus on me. So things are never really one sided. There's always like different perspectives. And you know what, I might go back and help them out in August after they raised their rates again, because we both have this mutual respect for each other, but I kind of went off on a tangent there but but that was my goal was to make a little bit more money and focus more on that as body workers. So in order for me to do that, I had to stop saying yes, to those part time, part time, gigs taken me further away from where I want it to be. And if I can't give myself three months to do this, like rock solid, I am doing myself a disservice. Because if you don't try if you don't quit your job at Massage Envy and try and take your like, personal clients or whatever, you're never going to see what your potential is. You don't have to stay stuck just because you've been doing it for XYZ amount of time, or because somebody else told you this or Just because your electricity bill is due, you know it, make decisions based on your is always,
oh my god, if I could just like hug you through the screen,
I'll let you take over from here that was that was a lot!
No, it's so legit. So first off, I love what you said about having multiple perspectives, right? Like you're able to see it through the lens of yourself as a body worker, you're also able to see it through the lens of the business owner, which I understand a lot of practitioners have never been in both positions. So I do want to just do a shout out of practice. Right. But like, the big thing is, what I can say as being both a body worker and a business owner is if you as a body worker, can take it upon yourself, to think about it from both perspectives, I guarantee you eat at least in most situations, your boss is going to give you a more favourable situation like a some more favourable opportunity, because what happens is, they see that you can see it from all perspectives. And you're not just kind of like looking through it through your own tiny little lens. And you see it from a holistic standpoint, right? You see it that you're part of this system. And I can tell you as a business owner with nine employees going on 10 right now their employees, I'm always shifting back and forth between what is it? Like what, what was like when I was in that position? You know, are they thinking about this long term, like we did just raise our rates in the clinic, I said to them very clearly said, spring 2023, everybody's getting raises across the board, why aren't you getting the right now, because what we're going to do is we're going to use that money and we're going to reinvest in the business to level it up so that your environment is nicer, we're going to do subsidised classes, you know, I'm super transparent, I say to them, like, think about it, if you can, through the business owner perspective, and the practitioner, which is you're gonna get your raises, you are you deserve it, everybody is all but you know, I'm all about it. But we're going to use that time to save a little money in the interim, how we're going to reinvest in the business so that everybody wins. And, you know, I think that transparency is huge. But the practitioner needs to be also to show up for that conversation, right to be able to hear that and go, Okay, she's got my best interest in mind. You know, I understand that. bills or bills, they can't wait till spring 2023 You know, like, I get that, but I'm in this for the long run, right? I'm in this because it aligns with me. And if it doesn't, it doesn't balance, right. Like, that's for sure. Don't stick around just because I'm promising you something in six months. Like if it doesn't work for you doesn't work for you. You know what I mean?
Yeah, and they're like, just, they're a small part of your solar system, just like I'm a small part of the solar system at the spa in New Orleans that I'm helping out with, but I still have my own shit, you know, so I can't sit here and think to myself do they not know who I am and what I'm doing for the industry and operate from this egotistical like sort of complex because what I do for the industry has absolutely fucking nothing to do with their spas bottom line and what they need to have build in their business I'm just a small little star in their solar system even though I my entire son if that makes sense. So you have to learn also like when I want to allocate my time were totally helped me out great for a couple of months but now if I continue on with it, it will distract me and detract from my life more so than add to it maybe it will add to it later. But I'm not worried about later I'm worried about RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, not the hypotheticals. Like if you get caught up in the hypotheticals of things besides actually like taking action on it. Oh, you could you can paralyse yourself for like for a year like I did, just sitting here trying to make decisions, trying to see what all the different options are, like, stop getting so goddamn distracted and just listen. Listen to your gut. Listen to your heart. Listen to your first heart than your second heart that will prey on everything you need to know about where you're currently at with your goals and what feels good. And if it doesn't feel good. If it really really makes you want to throw up not out of excitement but out of dread and obligation. You really need to reassess if that's a goal for you or not. Because to me, a goal is not an obligation. I don't know about you, but like there's so I need to do to reach my goals. But my goal like No, I'm not obligated to do XYZ for the industry. I'm not obligated to renovate this school bus. I'm not obligated to do XYZ to interview people in my class. because, you know, I'm obligated to live my best life. And I'm, like every other day on what that looks like, but my values don't change my values community freedom, adventure comp, adventure, creativity, I said almost had compromised. But I do compromise with myself I have to, because again, being married to an outcome is only going to lead in disappointments.
You know, I love again, I love what you said about you know, even though you've said so many times that things are subject to change and squirrel brain and ADHD and bla bla bla, I've never heard you change those things that you committed to freedom, creativity, and I already forgot the other two. But right. Like, they haven't changed. And so like, You got to give yourself credit to for the fact that those things you know, no matter what they're like core important, you will never feel obligated if you're living in those in those ways, right? And that obligation comes from when that sticky, uncomfortable, nasty feeling happens. Right? When you're like, this goes against my belief in freedom live in a free life. What does that mean? You'll know, like, right, those two, those two hard centres, they're gonna say, oh, like, Get that away from me. Right?
Did you have a big goal that you set for yourself? Where you're like, you know what? This actually, like, isn't working out for me anymore? It's not what I want to do. Did you have to shift anything major that you had your eyes set on for a long time? And how did that look for you? I see you shaking your head.... You probably have more than one story.
There's many stories, right? The one thing that has never changed is I wanted to have a thriving massage business. That wasn't then my my end goal is I wanted to have a thriving massage business. I wanted to bring healing to the world to in any capacity. I could. But there were lots of things along the way that I thought were gonna support that. And it turned out I was like, nope, nope, nope, that's not nope, distraction, avoidance, you know, FOMO, like, all the things are, foster all of it. I was like, This is not what it's about. And yeah, so I basically, I think, I think a lot of the things that have happened have actually happened after I got the business kind of structured, because then I was like, Oh, shit, like, I'm at the top of that mountain. What do I do up here? What do I do from here? You know, and so I was kind of trying on different outfits, as you know, kind of, so to speak, as far as like, well, you know, do I have to rebuild new things? Do I have to add more? And, you know, for a while I was like, Well, I'm gonna expand, I'm gonna expand the business. So I opened up.
What does the next phase of growth look like? For Toby? There's so many options, right?
There's so many options. And for me, what the thing that happened that I realised was not for me was the idea of having multiple locations. I tried it, we did it for about a year and a half. And it was like, oh, like, get this. And I did in my own way. I did it. I call them added value spaces. And I had my own business structure. And it was like very creative, which was a value to me that I didn't want to do some cookie cutter like franchise thing. I was like, no, no, I'm gonna do my own show and make it up as I go. Even though, even though I did that, I still got to the point where I was like, no, no, this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. We shut down two locations, and we're back at one instead of three. And it's, it's perfect. I mean, it's it's much better than trying to do something just like I needed to grow in that way.
Yes. Oh, one of my mentors. For our audience listening. Ramona was spa printer, told me several years ago. Sometimes growth means scaling back. And I'm like, Holy fuck, that makes so much sense. And whenever, like my business survive, COVID just fine. But then my commercial lease ended like 810 months later. And I decided not to renew a five year commercial lease because I did not want to be tethered to Louisiana. And I decided, along with my lead therapists who had wanted to start her own thing, it was just the right timing to go ahead and be like, You know what, it's time to transition to a new chapter. This is not working for me anymore. I love my career. I love my clients. But I do not love the massive amount of anxiety and stress that goes along with it. And I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. So no, I don't want to renew my lease and be tethered to a city that is not fulfilling me anymore. There's so much potential I know I have a lot of potential. And I am not able to reach that potential in my current environment where I live, therefore, I need to be in a space that does support that growth. And those are really hard decisions to make, you know to have to leave the comfort of what you've always known and do something new y'all that should have Scary. And again, if it doesn't make you want to throw up ...... ots not a big enugh goal.
It's so true. And, you know, leases I mean, it's scary too because some people they don't even understand like how to read leases or to understand that after COVID It was a series of buyers market, right like now's the time to negotiate leases because landlords are, are just, they're desperate. Right? landlords were like, Yo, give you like six months free. And like, you know, a moratorium on evictions and like, I mean, that's at least what's happening in California. I don't know about Louisiana. But, um, but it's, it's important to recognise, like, sometimes the actual, the reality of the state of affairs that things are in, you know, gives you an opportunity to say, Look, I know a five year lease sounds great and work last five years, is not going to work this time. And now's the time to jump ship and to actually shift gears and to do something different, you know, and, and sometimes, like I said, the climate allows for that. COVID was a great disrupter like in good and bad ways, like he gave people.
COVID was the great disruptors like we had the Great Depression. And now we have the great disrupter.
Totally great disrupter, I mean, no joke. Right? I mean, it literally destroyed lives. And it also, you know, out of the ashes comes new life, right? Like some, you know, just the reality is there's a full spectrum of experiences, you know, and I say, from personal experience, my sister being one of the ashes, like really suffering and still being in that fire and consumed by it now.
Now, if you don't mind me asking if that's appropriate for the audience, where is she in her life? Has she overcome a lot of those hurdles that you were helping her through? Or is it still a work in progress?
She's deep in the mess right now. She's deep in the fire. Oh, girl, it's, it's painful. Yeah, it's, it's painful. And you know, to see that and then just see, like, for example, are my business thriving so much, and my employees thriving so much in this kind of post apocalyptic time? You know, it's like, the, the paradox is just crazy that they both can exist at the same time. And it's just life. Life's crazy.
Yeah, it really is. And, and I do want to make a note to that it's, if you think you want to jump ship on something, like if you're already considering it, like, I do want to invite you to, like, obviously, you know, talk to a mentor or a coach or something. But if you're seriously considering it, like, I don't mean from a state of like, what do we say like burnout or desperation or whatever. But if you certainly want to jump ship, because it's not right for you, it's okay to do that you don't owe anybody an explanation or justification on why you're changing careers or why you're raising your rates, or why you're shutting down one office or why you fired your whole staff and bought a school. Like you don't owe anybody, all you owe yourself is like the dignity of trying to live your life up to your fullest potential. And you're not always gonna have a cup, you know, 100% full all the time. Like we're gonna go through those through those ebbs and flows we're gonna have to readjust our goals we're gonna have to talk to some somebody we're gonna have to give ourselves some fucking Grace whenever we don't reach our goals again, that's why my goals are never completely hardcore. Like for BABs, I can say I'm not going to say oh, I want to sell X amount of memberships a month I'm saying oh, it would be amazing to have X amount of new members by the end of the year or something you know, but setting something that's tweakable and adjustable to me is super super important. You know not again, not to be married to the outcome because we can't control the future y'all it's gonna suck anyway so don't be married to the outcome never going to end up like you want it you know like you wanted it to you're just going to beat yourself up about it and not move forward and with new levels new devils right so whenever the for you whenever you're like, you know what this it's okay for me to like, just transition and do something new like did you feel like with your growth came obviously came new challenges and new devils and stuff like how do you feel like really resilient like you're able to like tackle on those new challenges as they come? Or do you feel like they get harder and harder each time?
And that's a really good question. I'm scared to answer because I don't want to be thrown like a curveball when I say it depends, I guess. Yeah, you made me think of a couple of things. So one thing I was thinking of is, is the way that I see a bodywork practice is this. My services are for the clients. My business practices are for the practitioners. And my experience of it of all of it is for me. So my services are for the clients, what's that mean? Is, is this in their best interest? The modalities, I do the way I offer it, the times I offer it, like, my services are genuinely in service to my clients, the way I run my business is in service to my employees. So I'm in service to them, and I look at it through that lens of I'm going to structure and so that best practices to me means that they're having a living wage, that they feel respected and seen that they have opportunities to grow and to build their practice and their experience. But what's for me, is my experience of it all, nobody's going to tell me how to experience my business, right? Nobody's going to tell me that I need to be obsessed with the numbers. Nobody needs to tell me that I need to work certain hours of the day, nobody, nobody gets to tell me those things. Because that's my experience of the business. And that's how I serve me is. Do I love what I do? Talk Yeah, but if somebody tried to take kind of my experience of it, and tell me that it needs to look a certain way. That's where I go, that's a hard No, that's like a wine that I go, I'm cool with serving my clients, I'm pulling serving my employees. And I'm cool with having mentors and coaches, but nobody's gonna tell me how to feel my day to day how to experience it, right? So. So that helps me and it also, it allows me to be of service to everybody who is part of the business, you don't have a business without clients. You don't have a business without employees. And you don't have a business without mentors, and people kind of kind of, you know, creating the infrastructure around you. So I need people and it's synergistic. We need each other. But again, nobody tells me how to experience it. Nobody gets to tell me how I feel about it. Right. Yeah. But back to kind of like the question about resilience, and like, do I feel like I can handle like the new devils with the new levels, which I love. I don't love actually. But, um, you know, there's something called spiral dynamics. I don't know if anybody's heard of this concept. And I've mentioned to you before, Rebecca, but it's this way.
It's been a while, let's dive in to what that means, again, for people who might be because for me, I think spiral and I'm like, Oh, another hurricane? You know, being in New Orleans. So what is spiral dynamics? Because I could definitely use a reminder.
Yeah, it's agree. Okay. So there's a book by his called its lyrical spiral dynamics, and it's called Mastering your values, leadership and change by authors back and Cowan. Again, we'll put that in the notes. But basically, it's, I'm sure people have heard of the Enneagram, for example, right? Or Myers Briggs? Right. So these are all personality tests and ways to kind of understand yourself better spiral dynamics kind of takes it to a deeper level, it kind of it's dynamic. So whereas like the Enneagram, or Myers Briggs kind of operates in like one plane or another, black and white, black and lie like hearing them here, I'm not kind of thing. Spiral dynamics is like, Dude, we're a frickin constellation. Like, we are like, all sorts of three D and four D cell, great. And so it takes into consideration who we were at, like age one to 100, how that changes how we fit in, they call with the micro and the macro, whether it's like, our own personal life experience versus like our tribe or community would agree with that.
Would spiral dynamics be something similar to human design, which I also just got introduced to? Or obviously, it's different, because it's called two different things. Is it kind of like similar, like, sort of, like a roadmap on how to navigate your life?
Totally. I mean, just like all the human design, like all these are meant to have self knowledge, right, the more we know about ourselves, the viewer, hopefully the fewer blind spots we have, the less things we do out of fear, right? Like, the more we know, ourself, it's like, it's an actual, then mastery thing is like, Master yourself before you try to master anything else. Right? How can we master something outside of ourself, we don't even know like, how we can have the best sleep that we need. Right? Like, get down to basics sometimes. Right? Um, so yeah, there's an overlap. There's an overlap for sure, between human design and spiral dynamics for sure. So So I would say, the biggest thing about resilience and like being able to handle those new levels of like the challenges are really know yourself. Just get to know yourself who you are what drives you? What motivates you? What scares you? What makes you feel like you're on top of the world? You know what's important to you? Is it people isn't the money, the money? It's okay, but it's money, just at least be honest about that with yourself. Right? Is it travel? Is it? You know, prestige? Is it you know, am I motivated by success? Am I motivated by excitement and joy and novelty? Am I? What are you motivated by right now? So, so I'm an Enneagram, three with a two and a four wing, so I'm fucked up.
But this discover that I'm a seven. So interesting, I need to study the other types of so I can understand people when they're like, Oh, I my Enneagram. Two, I'm like, Okay, I understand Virgo....
it's all the language, right? But basically, so I have a three, which is success oriented. And success, for me just means hitting, hitting milestones that feel important to me, but a two and a four. So a two is a helper. And a four is an individual or a creator. So they're like, these 3234 couldn't be more different from each other. They live next to each other, but they're so different. So I know for myself, my two wing, which is the helper, I get to just dig so deep into them bodywork, obviously, right. And then my creative side is the entrepreneurship, the four wing, I get to explore that and be an individual, and nobody tells me when to work, where to work, how to work, like I need that. And then my three is success. And that's my core. And that means that I do have kind of a natural inclination to be linear, in some ways, even though like it doesn't look linear to some people. But again, if you know where you stand on these, you can kind of work with it a little bit better, and just love it and appreciate it.
Yes, I'm so big on like, what I call self navigation is, I used to always say, before I go out on a date with somebody, I'm gonna give them a PDF that's like, okay, Rebecca, Yura Aquarius, ENFP, Enneagram, seven, like, whatever, like empaths, highly sensitive, whatever, like slap label, you know, this is how to navigate Rebecca, but I tend to like go pretty hardcore into the rabbit holes, trying to understand myself because I want to make decisions based on what feels good for me. And sometimes I just, I mean, you only know what you're exposed to. So whenever I was doing the Enneagram, and human design, I'm like, Whoa, like I always knew this about myself that just hearing it reflected back to me was like, Oh, that makes a lot of sense. That's why I shouldn't time block my day, and allow for a little bit more spontaneity. And, like, for me, what always is the driving force behind everything I do. It's it's always community. Like that's to me, like that's my biggest like, North Star is just community and that looks different in different ways. Like Babs is the community, then I have my community of my travel people. And like my festival, people, like everything that I do in my life is literally like, based around community, whether it'd be online or in person. And that has been like the common thread between all this all the decisions that I've made in my business, even with the spa, community stuff for people listening that you could do. Partner, guide partner with some nonprofits or like local bloggers, like get out in your community, maybe for the holidays, put together a little shopping guide and tag your local businesses so they can, you know, repost you online like everything that I did with them that I spotty workers, or with my brick and mortar business, always went back to how can I serve the community? I am part of that community too. I have to starve myself. And it's like, how can I serve the community? And what is lighting me up? I'm not going to talk about shit that doesn't light me up. That's boring. Why would I waste my time on that? I'm going to talk about stuff that does light me up like women's empowerment and mindset and overcoming stagnation and overwhelm and, you know, raising your rates and all that stuff. You. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. Whenever you find like your zone of genius and your sweet spot and you really like you hone in on it, but you're also not afraid to learn things outside of that zone of genius. Because I think that's important too, is just to challenge yourself like so one of my goals a while back sounds really weird. I travel a lot, Toby, but I have a fear of driving. Wow.
Oh my god. Okay, so it's not the driving it's the GPS. Okay. It's the coordination is the maps like, my dad calls me his last child. My dad has six kids and out of all of them, like I can't orient myself correctly. So he calls me his last child and he's like, why do you travel so much if you can't read them out? Well, Oh, wow. All right, so a while back, I lost my phone and I'm like, fuck, how am I gonna drive the eight hours to Dallas without my GPS. And I was gonna make an excuse and not go to the conference. And you know, I would have ended up not helping my friend out if I couldn't make it to Dallas. So I got online, I looked at YouTube videos how to read street, I swear to God, guys, like I'm 32 years old. And I did not know how to read like, I don't understand the interstates. I just don't. So I got online and I'm like, You know what, even though I'm intimidated by like telling directions, and driving and maps, and like, I just realise you can orient your mountain north, I had no clue. So I went online did all this research made sure I had triple A, I made sure I had a backup phone just in case. So I was able to put in the address, connect it to Wi Fi until I got to the next coffee shop and I could connect. It was a whole ordeal. But my goal was to get to Dallas. I did not want anything stopping that including my fear of driving without maps, not knowing where the fuck I am being stranded on the side of the road loss. Like, I had to think to myself, what's the worst case scenario if I conquer if I try to conquer this fear? Worst case scenario realistically is I probably break down and I don't have a phone to call for help. And that would suck and then somebody would probably like let me use their phone. So I think whenever you peel back the onion layers and show yourself what the worst possible case scenario is not catastrophizing. Okay, but literally what is the worst possible case realistic scenario, all of a sudden things really aren't that scary anymore. And girl I got to Dallas in eight hours. I didn't miss one fucking turn nothing. There. I'm like, hell yeah. And then I like almost broke down and had a panic attack because that whole thing just unnerved me, but I did it. And I worked through those fears. And it wasn't even about building my business. Well, technically, I guess it was because I was helping somebody else with theirs. But I could have just stayed stagnant in Louisiana and not have gone because of the excuse of oh, I don't have a GPS, how the fuck did people get around 20 years ago. I mean, I was gonna like, go buy a Garmin from Facebook marketplace, because I was that determined to get to Dallas, it wasn't an option not to get there. So whenever I made it, not an option, all of a sudden, things just got easier because I was looking for solutions rather than excuses. And I think more business people would benefit from spinning all of their time, like shitting on themselves. And finding excuses to actually because manifestation requires action, right? Like we have to do something in order for something to happen. It's the basic law of physics, and like, energetic flow. And I mean, we could talk forever about this///
Well, I mean, exactly great job getting into Dallas, you know, I don't even know, like the whole background of why it was so important. But it was so important. And you and you did it. And the big thing really with making any sort of change, I think is like you said don't should on yourself, but at the same time. Is it important to you? Or is it not? Because just just spinning around? It is is is maddening, right? It's gonna make you nuts. It's like it's either important enough to do that a puppy? Yeah.
You probably hear as little clattering in the background. Oh, I love it.
Yeah, anyway, it's either important enough to do or it's not. And the quicker we can get clear on whether it's important enough to do or not, again, that comes from knowing yourself. I think the less time you even have to shoot on yourself, right? It's like, you don't have that time if you're like, is this important? Or is it not, boom, make the decision and indecisive. You know, that comes from fear and decisiveness. A lot of it comes from fear. It comes from actually it's a it's a hormone, if we're actually hormonal imbalance, we're going to be more inclined to be to have that that in decisiveness. So again, like knowing your cycle and knowing kind of where you're at on that either if you're, even if you're a male practitioner, and you're kind of finding that in decisiveness, it's a it's a lack of testosterone. Actually, it's a really, it's a hormonal imbalance that actually gives us that kind of fuzzy blurriness, that hormonal, it's gonna shift and change, you know, so, so being decisive and making a decision, I'm going to Dallas like, I'll figure it out, and you did.
And, well, it was a priority to me, you know, I wasn't going to let anything get in the way I was like, I'll be god damned if I don't go like it's sort of like when you want to go to your favourite concert and you find a way to go no matter what. But I heard a quote the other day and this is probably a good place to end the episode because we're sure we'll have a part two in the future but a quote I heard was "PERFECTIONISM IS A FORM OF PROCRASTINATION." And when I heard that Toby, I felt like I got punched in the gut. I'm like, Oh, shit, that is the truest thing I've heard in a long time. And we have to give ourselves a little bit of grace and know that things aren't going to be perfectly like that image that you've conjured up in your head that nobody else knows what it looks like, besides you, you have to, like, you have to get 90% out in the world, and you can fix the other 10% later, but being 100% in your head, you're gonna say 100% Fucking stuck.
Right, preach and preach.
Yeeeees. Oh, Tobi, you're so amazing. I enjoyed this conversation. So so much, and I'm sure we can go on forever and ever. But for people who might want to reach out to you and talk a little bit more about goal setting or style dynamics, or how they can vacation in Hawaii, too, and run a full practice. Like, where can people find you on social media? Where do you hang out the most?
Yeah, I need to get into social media more. Basically, I have a website. Right now we're working on getting the whole Instagram and some Tik Tok things going, but for now, we're just at bodywise massage inc.com Check it out. You Can you email me. I know. It's so old school. But like it's over again, the Instagram setup. That's gonna be our main thing coming up. But I'd love to hear from you. Any questions? Any comments? I'm really big about reverse engineering your lifestyle. So if you're trying to get from point A to point B, and you're in the hot mess right now. I'm happy to dig in fire with you.
So basically, if you want to schedule your life, around your notes, schedule your life first and your business second, hit Toby up. She's amazing. But that's all for now. You guys. Check the show notes for all the resources that we mentioned, like the books and stuff and until then we will see you on the next episode. Thank you so much, Toby, for joining me enjoy your vacation. Thank you, Rebecca. Bye.