So and that's probably the important part, too, is like, yeah, like, when I did my CPR training, it was all in person. But like, you know, three hours or something was like, you know, first aid, you probably had to do a yoga teaching, right? And it was first aid and CPR rolled into it, we did all of it in person, and then we got our certificates. Great. So what you wind up doing is spending much more time trying to get into an course that it's only going to be two hours online, right? So you are spending much more time trying to arrange the thing, and doing the thing. And listen, when people are saying they're too busy. And they don't have time and they don't have work life balance. A lot of it, in fact, comes down to this nonsense of how impossible you know when your credit card keeps showing up with a pending transaction, and the website is down. But it won't actually give you the course you need. And you can't just say, I know there's a course offered, I'm just gonna go on no flyer, because I couldn't sign in the online way that like, Okay, we'll catch you up later for like, no, like, you cannot do the thing until you go through this stuff that is broken. And it takes much more time than you thought it was going to do. Like I'm really agitated today, I can hear like trying to cut you off and be like Lee, no, stop accommodating yourself with this, you don't understand how much I'm suffering. But like, this is actually the point that I that. I feel like, every new thing that I'm being asked to do, that is not a faculty role, or that has like, cut some staff member out of a task that they used to do, and downloaded it onto me to do poorly and then get yelled at and have to apologize to people, like every email I send because you know, I don't like sending emails on emails I have to and they all start with. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. The website was down. I couldn't do it. I'm so sorry. I can't open the documents. And I'm so sorry. It will not let me create a login. I'm so sorry. The letter will not go through the way it is. And I don't know why I'm so sorry. I didn't get that calendar invitation. And I'm so sorry. I missed my own students defense because I didn't set up the Zoom correctly. Right. And I'm apologizing for a bunch of stuff that are not actually I'm not failing at the actual job. Yeah, my job right. Yeah, I'm not failing at the actual parenting of parenting, like I'm failing at the ever increasing metastasizing layers of online paperwork that is almost impossible to complete for neurotypical people. But incredibly difficult for actually doing cognitive behavioral therapy to stop having panic attacks about this kind of paperwork, right? Like the art department coordinator who used to we give her all our piles of receipts like on the form we like right out on the triplicate form in pen and list all our receipts and I get all my receipts, even here's a great look go through, but now I have to do it in concur. And then I do it wrong 45 times and it'll get sent back with error messages. And then I have to go sit in her office and she fixes it for me. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't see how that's any faster than the way that we used to do it, especially since she tells me that 95% of the claims that everybody submits, gets sent right back, right. Like, why is everything so much harder? In these ways? When it is like for me it is actively disabling? I got so rattled about the reference letter that I couldn't submit, of course, because you have a lot of work because I was so upset that I couldn't I was upset that I had to do it this way and that I had to keep hitting refresh and trying to get it done. And then when I actually didn't even manage to get it done. I was really angry that I'd wasted an hour and a half trying to do it. And then just I was so out of sorts, right I had a strong emotional reaction to it that didn't get anything done for the rest of the day. Right. And that's that's my disability talking right there. You know other people will be like that was hard. I'll try again later. I'm like, I'm not going to try again later. People like well try again tonight at Your API when it's like, I don't work at night, because if I do, I can't sleep. And I'm sorry, I can't do that. I'm sorry, I didn't manage. I'm sorry, I'm going on vacation, like on a week that I have booked for vacation, right? So I'm constantly apologizing for things. And when I try to raise this with people like, well, I'll just help you with that. I'm like, no, like, I shouldn't be doing it. You shouldn't be doing it. It shouldn't be this hard. So I'm really, really struggling with all the parts of Professor ng that have just turned into an outrage, of technical problems, downloaded administrative tasks, and the creation and remembering of passwords. Like, even if I people send me invitations all the time, you know, Can you review this paper do a peer review on this article? And I'm like, sure. They don't send me the article to like, go to this website. Yeah. Yeah. Create an account, right. I'm like, No. And I'm like, God, I hope this is a new one. Because usually I click and it's like, login. You're already a member. Like, I'll try to create an account. They're like, Nope, you already have an account. I'm like, Well, shit. And then I put in the same email address and click forget password. Like, we don't have an account or that Yeah. And I'm like, No, I'm like, forget it, I can't, I can't do it. If it takes me 30 minutes to find a way to use the website to say, I will accept to do this review. I'm not going to do the review. I'm just not. And then I feel like a bad person, right. But I get so upset when I fail at those things, or I get so upset when I succeed, and they take longer than the task I'm agreeing to, would have taken me that I get so upset, I can't work for the rest of the day. And like, I think we're still in a phase where everybody's like, we can do better. Like I can get better at this. It's probably me, I'm gonna fix it. I can learn to manage this. But like, maybe it's too much like maybe this is ridiculous. But there doesn't seem to be any way to push back against this. That isn't like saying to a teacher, we're not going to submit it like that anymore. Like because my husband will say to me, well, it's not the teachers fault. I'm like, Yes, but nor is it mine. Right? So like, I don't understand why like, I can be gracious and generous to the teacher. But I can say like, maybe you take it to the principal or the school board, because this is not going to be possible for us because it is not possible because we keep trying. And it's not possible. Anybody's like, Oh, it's just a web form. Right? So I guess I feel really upset. And I also feel really gaslighted. And I sort of feel like it's a Stop hitting yourself scenario where Yeah, I know, I'm really good at teaching. And I'm really good at research. And I do lots of stuff that's like high value. But like today, I went to a meeting where when I tried to load WebEx again, it was like, No, you have to install all these updates first, and I'm on the verge of going to be late for this meeting. And then I can't see the documents because it logged me in as a guest, not as a member. And then like 10 minutes later, when everybody showed up, and we got all of our stuff sorted out, it turned out one person who had to be there had not even been invited. So we had to reschedule. There's like Let's reschedule using teams instead of WebEx. Because that way, the Meeting CHAIR can see what everybody's schedules are, like, just kill me, right now, just like that is sort of emblematic. And I don't know, like, I don't know if any of our listeners struggle with this kind of thing. But if you do is not just you. And it's like another one of these scenarios where people will say, but you're so successful, right? Oh, a smart girl like you, Amy and I am really good at the stuff that I do. And I'm like an assertive person and I take on leadership positions. And it probably looks to many people like sour grapes, entitlement and foot stamping. When I'm like, Why is there no staff member to set up the Zoom call for the defense, when we used to fly people here and pay for them to stay in hotels, right? And they're like, Amy, like, Don't be such a prima donna, or whatever. Right? So I find it really hard. And probably some of our listeners and good probably you too, because you're so competent at so many things that are supposed to be like the actual value and content of the thing that when you get tripped up and want to complain about like the Byzantine or impossible or enraging or time suck bureaucracy around the task is that people think you're being petty or entitled or privileged or dismissive. And it's not that like the tasks I don't want to do that staff used to do require skill. Yeah, right. It's insulted skill. Yeah,