062_-_New_Years_Resolutions_That_Wont_Make_You_Feel_Like_a_Bag_of_Poo

Vinny Welsby59min

Speaker 1

00:00

Hello and welcome to the fist fatty podcast. I am your host, Victoria obey. In this episode we are talking about New Year's resolutions that won't make you feel like a big bag of shit. Is it possible? Yes, let's do it you're listening to the fierce fatty Podcast. I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident first fatty who loves every inch of this jellied society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focus on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop the negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast let's begin. It yet do winter day. Good riddance to 2020 2020 can suck on my dangly tips. Content. kind of suck on your dangly bits? I'd think so. I think so. I remember recording an episode a year ago and being like porn 2019 Or a year. I knew nothing. I knew nothing. 2020 Now, please, Baby Jesus, or whoever God has in the sky. Gods of the internet or gods or whoever? Whatever. Please, for the love of everything. That's good. Let's make it so in a year's time when I'm like, it's the end of the year I can like or 2021 was a lot better than 2020 Wasn't it? Oh my god. Remember 2020 Haha, lol. So 2021 Okay, predictions for you. vaccine for Coronavirus is going to be more widespread. People are going to be able to start to go on holidays, vacations, people will start to get more jobs. And Biden and Kamala are going to be great. And fat positivity is going to spread even more in the world. And I'm going to get a romantic partner. Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to get some sex. Yeah. 2021 I'm gonna get some do. Yeah. What are your hopes for? 2021 It's gonna be better than 2020 Right? Right. Right. Right. Right. So now this episode that I'm going to be playing for you today. I'm talking about all of the bullshit that we are having to deal with currently, because end of the year, so many. And this is when diet comm companies are just like yours that's going to get these motherfuckers and get them money or give them Valley dollars or give it to me.

Speaker 1

04:02

And it's very difficult. It's very difficult because, you know, in New Year, it's kind of like that spring cleaning. You know, you want to you want to renew and and start afresh and so hard not to look at your body and be like, You know what, this is going to be my year that I'm going to come and begin to could become early thing. I know there's my year and child chances are you know 95 to 99 100% 150%. Chances are it's not. It's not but instead of doing loads of shit, that is going to make you feel bad. You know, like dieting and other things that don't make you feel good. I have laid out some ideas for things that you could be doing that is going to improve your confidence that is going to help you love your body that is going to help you have a more peaceful relationship with food. And isn't that a great thing to try and move into the new year with imagining 12 months from now, if you do the quote unquote good things, the things are good for your brain and for your body, versus all the things that society diet companies tell us that are good. You know, the not so good things for all mental and physical health? What difference that could make what difference a year makes and I saw what a difference a day makes 24 Little hours. What a difference a year makes to where Moses doesn't really go. Yeah, so why can you wait a year listen to this episode? And why don't you write down some ideas or things that you want to achieve in 2020? Well, I am so I'm such a big goal setting person Oh my god. Goals. Goal setting is changed my life. So yeah, why don't you do it? Let's do this episode. Welcome to 2020 Oh my god, you survived I survived. If you're listening to this in a different year than welcome to the year that you're listening to this IRA, you're alive. So it's the beginning of a new year. And during this time, oh my god, the amount of bullshit that we get bombarded with you know, diet, adverts and all that new yearly, you start a new year and leave la because you're a fat piece of shit. Haha, you don't allow that. It's pretty overwhelming, right? And there's a thing about starting a new year is you do want to, I know reset or try something new or become the best version of yourself. And I know I just went and had a good old clean and disinfected things. I'm like, Oh my God, I feel so good. So it's normal to want to start a new year and make some changes. And often X dieters or dieters or any human being in the world. One thing that they will try is a new diet in the new year. And as we know, diets, if I can work, they're a big bag of bullshit. And diet companies are smart. They're packaging diets in new ways. I saw this die advert today. And it was like this animation of this woman sitting in there saying, Oh, you get one on one support. And I was like, oh, it looks so fun. And then I was like, Oh, it's a fucking advice if I can dye advert and I was like what No. And so they're smart about repackaging these things. And you might be looking at some of these new fancy diets where you put a cucumber up your bumhole and think oh, yeah, this might one might work and it's not because you're naive or gullible or whatever. It's because they're really fucking smart marketers they have to be because diets have been around for a while now. And body positivity and anti diet is becoming more and more mainstream. And so they have to be like, this is an ad diet. So many people come to me and say,

Speaker 1

08:56

I don't know if this is actually a dye or noise. It's one way you rub pepper into your eyes like is that a Daya and and I'm like yeah, that's a diet and so if you are trying to manipulate your body size through watch you eat or Yeah, trying to manipulate but your body side through what you eat then it's a diet right? So if you're on the I might be thinking about doing a diet check out this episode listen on in or if you just want to improve the way that you relate to your body and you're not at that place yet or thinking that you're a bad ass fucking queen or king or gender nonconforming royalty member no that would be I'm with these words like what is the last episode I was talking about that God get a new topic, but I'm just like, what is the what is the non binary word for that? Anyway? So if you're not at that place yet, where you know that your body is fine just the way it is, or okay or amazing, if you're a place where you are actively disliking your body, maybe try some of these suggestions for new year's resolutions that are gonna make you feel better and not worse. Because if you go on a diet, chances are it's going to fail. And then what happens when something fails is we blame ourselves and diet companies are really good at blaming you as well, because you were so bad and naughty, and you just ate all the food when the reality is that diets are not sustainable. And not eating food makes you feel out of control around food and you need food. Anyway, if you want to know more about my diets don't work, then go back to episode like two or three where I talk about it. Yeah, so I'm going to give you some suggestions. And these are things that I do. And these are things that I continue really do. Because it's not like you get to a place where you're like, I am amazing. And then that's it, you know, you're done for the rest of your life. It's a constant process, because we are constantly being bombarded with messages to say that you're not good enough. And the way that I deal with it is that I have a very, I'm very in tune with whenever I am not feeling 100% I'm really out I'm a detective about it. I'm like, What the fuck is going on? Because it's it's strange, right? If I'm having doubts about who I am as a person, if I don't think that I'm worthy, if I look at my body, and I think that there's something wrong, something's happened. Something's influenced that right? It's not that I'm inherently wrong or bad. And it's just I've had a realization Oh, shit, I'm a bummer. Unworthy person. I've just realized it. No, something has influenced me. And so I practice this. And so it becomes really easy now, like an instant, almost an instant thing. Where I'm like, there we go. There's a bad body thought, Mm hmm. Yep, know where that came from getting that out of my life. Thank you very much. So this is a practice everything that I'm going to suggest to you. It's not, you know, you're going to get rid of it. And then all the next day, you're gonna wake up and you could like, Oh, hello, Emily and say, Hello, I'm amazing. You might do who knows. But you just have to keep practicing it. So some suggestions for you. Things that you can take on, you can do all of these things. You can do one of them. You can say fuck you, Victoria. These are all bullshit. I'm not doing any of them when you're the boss, are you? So first one is to take all body shaming language out of your life. And so that starts with talking about you. And not saying like, Oh, I'm so look so disgusting today or, or even not just body shaming, just derogatory shared about yourself. And so you might have a lot of us do have a habit of being like, Oh, I'm so fucking stupid. Or I should have done this. And I should have done that. And oh, my hair looks like shit today, or whatever it is. How often do you do the opposite? Whenever I talk about myself, I'm always just like, oh, I look great today. Like if I verbalize things, it will be a positive thing.

Speaker 1

13:46

Because your ears are right next to your mouth, right? And they're hearing that Shen So if you're talking crap about your body areas, I'm like, Oh, listen, let me know what you say. And then it goes into your brain. And then it's just a reinforcing of that negative message. You might be thinking it but how about if you're thinking it, you decide in that moment to pick out something that you do like about yourself, and the voice that instead or if you catch yourself being like, oh, you know, something is bad today, or I don't look good today or whatever, say something positive to counteract that. And so, the other side of this is talking about other people. Now, it's so common, when we want to bring someone down, is to talk about their appearance, right? Think about Donald Trump. Think about the ways that people take him down. They say that he his hair is shared and he's, he's, he's fat and he has a small penis. And if you engage in that type of Talk, you're saying it's okay to judge others, even if they are the devil themselves on how they look. And it's not it's not even though Donald Trump is the biggest bellend around, it's not okay to say, Oh, you see such a fat bastard or whatever. It's body shaming. So even if your body shaming, your worst enemy is body shaming, it's judging others on their body. And, and that's not okay. Even for people that we hate. So, get that language out of your life. And even, you know, like someone like Donald Trump, like, holy shit, he's got so many bad things about him. And the fact that he is fat is not one of them. ilish literally, like you've, you've got a laundry list of shit to go after there, you know, you know, so many things you can like, well, that he, he's a bad guy. He's he's a bad person. He's a racist, and a rapist and Predator and evil and all that sort of stuff. And in saying, oh, and he has a small Willie. It's just, it's not cool. And talking about him saying he has a small penis is transphobic. So those statues remember those statues that went up maybe a couple of years ago, and it's just a mock him? How many people who have that body, that that size, penis, that's that size, body, that size, stomach, whatever. That hairstyle, whatever. And the nation is like home, you know, this is so funny. Look at this statue of Donald Trump naked, to try and belittle him. But it's going around it in the wrong way, right? Because if you had that body, and you see the whole nation laughing at you, if you had that penis size, and the whole nation was laughing, oh my god, it's so shameful to look like that. Well, it's not very nice as it was, you know. So yeah, body shame me, shame me languages, get it out of your life. And if you want to insult someone else, just get more creative, right? Got a massive Wangka rebel end or whatever it is. So next, number two, I, there's something about my personality, which is like, which is I like

Speaker 1

17:42

taking stock of things. And so I have kept a diary since I was 1111, or 12, maybe 13, at the very oldest. But I was given a diary then. And the night spent maybe 10 years filling that up and have another diary is so fucking interesting and funny and sad, and all of those things. But anyway, I have this habit of wanting to write and so it this is easy for me. And so what I do every night is I will write down in the morning and at night. So in the morning, I write down what I'm grateful for three things I'm grateful for. And in the evening, I write down the three best things that happened that day, and how I could have improved that day. Now, you can just do that. Or you can buy I have a specific diary for this, which I which I bought, which is called The Five Minute Journal, just Google Five Minute Journal, I'm think there's a three minute one there too, as well, there will just knock off a sort of each other. It's not fat friendly, because there's a blurb in the beginning. And I mentioned something like weight loss, and I was like fuck sake. So you know, maybe don't read the blurb or maybe get the three minute one, maybe they don't have a mention of weight in it. Or maybe just write, you know, just write them down yourself. So the three things I have in the morning, the three things I'm grateful for, and three things that I would like to happen that day. And in the evening, the best things that happened three best things that happened that day, and what I could have done to improve the day or make it better. Now, this is something that I've done for a long time. So sometimes I'll have breaks and I always have some sort of diary where at the end of the day, I ask a question, I have one which is a five year one. I'm on year two now and it's interesting, so interesting. But it really really gives you clarity, and practicing gratitude has been shown to benefit you in multiple ways. And one way that's related to To competence and loving yourself is to realize that even if you perceive that your body is not okay, your body still does tons of shit for you. Like, you're like, Oh, my body is disgusting. And your body is like, Yo, motherfucker, I'm like breathing here for you. I'm making your heartbeat your brains working and you're complaining about is that you don't like your cell light like fog. Yeah, right. So getting that, that habit of appreciating what we do have in life, which is if you're listening to this podcast, you're you have more privileged financial privilege than most people in the world, right? If you can read and write, if you have access to water, if you have a roof over your head, if you have people that love you, all those types of things, that really is a privilege. And it's sometimes we can take it for granted, right. And I know sometimes I can be like, Oh, my fucking family is the worst. But then really, there's lots of things that I've got to be to be grateful for. And you'll start noticing, as well. That you do start being more grateful for the things that you have in your life and the people that you have in your life. And you start realizing actually what brings you happiness. And so the three amazing things that happened today, which is you do it the night time, you start realizing it's not actually the things that you think that make you happy. It's, you know, the silly little things like, Oh, my dog was curled up next to me, and we had a really nice cuddle tonight or my, my, my family spent time with me or my partner kissed me, things like that, or I had a really good egg sandwich versus you know, I, I drove my car today, and it's like, really fancy. And people stared at me because I thought I was rich, you know, it's not necessarily those types of things, or, you know, I got a big package of clothes today. And the clothes make me you know, feel amazing. It's not necessarily those things. And so it makes you realize, aha, okay, so spending time with my partner, or spending time with kids or spending doing this or going outside, walking or whatever it is,

Speaker 1

22:38

really have an impact on my happiness levels, and it helps you become generally more happy, right? We want some of that. So that is another suggestion for you. Now, this is a good one for the new year. But I do this very often. Anyway, I do this probably once a quarter. And that is to go through your closets, your home and look for things that bring your mojo down or bring your vibe down that make your brain that makes your brain sad. So starting in the closet, do you have things in your closet that don't fit? Get rid of that shit? Why have you got it in there? If you got things like that fit maybe when you were 11 years old, and you're like I'm gonna, I'm gonna slim down into that or your, your prom dress when you were a few sizes smaller, and you're just like, oh, wow, I owe you one day one day. And when you see it, you're like, I used to be so thin and prettier. Now look at me. How often do you go in your wardrobe? Probably every day, right? So you're going into this place, opening these doors, opening the drawers every day. And if you've got things in there that reminds you that you're not good enough for whatever reason, it could be that it's not that you've got clothes that don't fit, maybe you've got clothes are really worn out, and clothes that don't make you feel good. And if you have the financial ability to you can just get rid of those things and maybe find something that's nicer. And, you know, you can get you can get into into this habit of wearing clothes that don't necessarily make you happy or as Marie Kondo says spark joy. And why not wear those things that make you feel joyous on a day to day basis? If you've bought clothes that are like goal outfits when you were dieting previously and you're just like, but there were so expensive, and they're so nice. Donate them. Someone else is out there who's like I really want one of those things and they're going to the charity shop and they can't find them. Right. So what about the things that you have in your house? Do you have a set of scales that you need Tada, oh my god scales, I'm just like, oh scales that give me the heebie jeebies? No. If you live in a house with a partner who has scales, and it's their scales, you can do something like, ask them to put them somewhere else that you don't see them or hide them somewhere that you don't know where they are. But seeing those, imagine if they're in your bathroom, and every time you you go and have a poll, you're staring at the scales, and you're like, maybe I'm too fat, or you accidentally stand on them. And you're like, Oh, my God, and you know, it's just, is that a reminder for you? You could be like, don't fucking care about scales, and it's fine. Keep them around. But I mean, why do you need to scales? Like, my mom has scales in her house? And I'm like, why don't you have scales and she's like, Oh, I don't want you don't weigh yourself to you. And she's someone I use them for. Like, if if we go traveling to weigh that how heavy the suitcases which which disappear now, my mum doesn't go try doesn't go traveling. No, the last time she went traveling, she came to Canada, um, maybe four or five years ago actually came two years ago, she came to see me do my TED Talk. And she was like, never again, because she doesn't like it. She just she just like she's very she's a homebody. And so anyway, she she has she has these scales to well, way luggage for these nonexistent tropical vacations that she's gonna go on. And so, subconsciously, when she sees the scales, What is she thinking? You know, I don't know, because, you know, she says it's for for weighing luggage. But you know, when I see them, I'm like, fuck you scales. Like, can I throw them out? And she's like, No. Anyway, so what about other things that things are bringing you down? Like? Do you have a Fitbit? You know, what a Fitbit is doing is telling you, bitch, you didn't do enough today? Right? And sometimes it might say, Oh, you look, you're so good. You did like 5 billion steps today. One time, that means you're a more worthy human being. No, no, you're not walk more worthy if you do zero steps, or if you do a billion steps in a day. Is that a reminder? Only? You know, you might be like, No, my Fitbit is fine. I like it. You know, it's good to know how many steps I do or whatever it is. I don't know what else it does, but probably other magical things.

Speaker 1

27:25

Only you will know, right? You'll know if if it's actually helpful. Or if you know, deep down actually looking at the steps is it's given me some type of anxiety around my worth, you have to be very in tune with this stuff. Because to begin with, you might bite No, it's fine. And then the more you get in tune with how you're feeling and what might trigger those negative feelings, you'll be able to spot it better. So if you're unsure, why not just not wear it for a while and see if your body satisfaction increases or decreases or stays the same, right? You have to be a detective, find out what is good and bad for you. What about on your phone? Do you have apps that you need to get rid of? Like do you have old dieting apps or some type of app that is triggering for you like some sort of like no movement app? And you're like, Oh, you see any you think you need to do 50,000 crunches or something? And what about newsletters, the emails that you're getting? Like have you previously subscribed to you know, raw, vegan, clean eating bullshit, you know, only like wallpaper to stay thin diet. Unsubscribe from that bullshit. Like you're giving brainspace even if it is just a few seconds seeing those emails come in Kerala and subscribe. Throw them into the sea, whatever it is, right. So the next step is looking at the things that you are consuming in regards to media, and social media and films and TV and magazines and all that type of stuff. And notice how this might change. You might start watching a TV series and be fine. And then halfway through you might be like, Oh my God, I've actually I've spent 16 hours watching this TV series and I've only seen thin people in it. Right? Or I've noticed they're making fat jokes. Like I started watching you. I'm not going to give you any spoilers. But there is a fats character. They're like a side character. I'm like, okay, great. There's a fat character and there's like no mention of their way or anything like that. But most of the actors are, you know, thin people. And they make a fat joke as well. I'm just like, having finished watching it but I I wonder You know, I'm being careful of how much that might affect my mental health, right? Binge watching a C series. And so I'm watching it still, even though I know that there's stress, there's almost exclusively straight size and and beautiful, you know, stereotypically beautiful people in it. I'm just noticing how that might affect me when so far, I've not noticed anything, because I think there's a lot of liberal ideas in the show. But anyway, but I saw this because it's the end of the year, like roundup of like best articles that you should read. And this one article was like, this one website is, is trying is a body positive. There's one Instagram account is body positive. And it's showing how celebs have photoshopped their images. And so I went and checked out the Instagram account. I must have been fuckin one in the morning, but I spent, it seems like 17 hours, but like, probably half an hour looking at these images that celebs had photoshopped in. And they have, like, before and after in a like a video. And so it's like, go go from like, edited to not edited. And, you know, the idea is to be like, Oh, these celebs, this is what their real body looks like. And so I thought, oh, yeah, this is interesting, this is good. And then they start showing, like pictures of close up of celebs, faces and stuff. And I'm like, Oh, this is good. Because you can see how celebrities are flawed like everyone.

Speaker 1

31:31

And, you know, how you get into a black hole of this stuff? And so for like, half an hour, I'm scrolling and being like, oh, yeah, and I've definitely had to do that and thinking, why, you know, what, why, and, you know, think you're getting into their brain of them thinking that, you know, their waist is too big, or their bum needed to be more curvaceous, or whatever it is. But then then I was like, Okay, enough of this, you know, visually before I go to sleep, and then I went to the, to the to the washroom, and I looked at my face in the mirror. And I was like, Oh, well look at my face compared to the celebs. And I started noticing things on my face being like, Look at, look at these wrinkles around my eyes. And I had this thought of you better not to be smiling too much Victoria, because you're gonna be we're gonna see your wrinkles. I was like, what? Immediately I was like, oh shit, that that half an hour looking at this one Instagram account, I'm not gonna tell you what the account is. Because I don't want you to have the same experience. Even though I went in thinking, Oh, this is good. Because this is like highlighting what celebs actually look like, really what I was looking at was looking at bodies, which was still society socially, the top ranks of what a body should look like, according to our society. Even though when they were unedited, they were still absolutely unattainable. unrealistic. And so I was looking at this, quote, unquote, perfect image. And then going back to the the imperfect one, and the imperfect one was still insane, right. And then the close ups of the of subspaces. And some of the faces were, you know, older celebrities, and obviously, no wrinkle inside perfect skin, you know, and they're trying to find the little kind of

Speaker 1

33:36

imperfections. And then when I looked at my face, I was like, whoa, what my face isn't like the celebs faces. And I've never cared about my face. Like I've always been like, my face is fine, like, not my face is good. I've never needed to worry about it. But I started worrying about it. And this is a couple of weeks ago, and I still am noticing sometimes looking in the mirror at my face, I'm having a reaction. And so what that is, is great information for me. So I know if I ever see an article about being like, Oh, look at these photoshop fails. I am not looking at that. Now maybe in a few years time I might look again and you know, forget about this, this story I'm telling you and look again, it might not affect me. It might not affect you, or maybe it will affect you. But in that moment that affected me maybe I'm having some sort of also something else is going on where I'm thinking oh my god, I'm I'm getting older and I don't have a partner and you know, who knows right what what else is going on? That is influencing that. But I found that that was a trigger. And so yeah, are you looking at things that you know afterwards? Don't make you feel good? Well, guess don't look at them. And it can be really hard right? Like even on on Instagram, obviously I never like pictures of like dye accounts or foods, you know, you know, change the pastor for for for air and you'll be thin and things like that those types of accounts, but still, you know, on the discover page, I'll scroll down and sometimes things will show and I'm like, Oh, what's that and I'll look at it and I'm like, oh fuck, it's a diet thing. Oh shit I said before and after, but I didn't see it from the small thumbnail. And so they're still trying to creep in because, you know a lot of people do like that type of stuff. And the algorithm is probably like, oh, well, she likes all this plus size content, there's, you know, anti diet stuff, and maybe she'll like diet stuff. And maybe we should like people who used to be plus sized, and have lost weight. And so it's a constant battle of protecting your mental health as much as possible, like protecting it, like it's a newborn baby, you know, especially if you're not in a place where you're rock solid with how you feel, you have to be really aggressive about it and be strict with yourself, because it's like taking poison. And you might take just take a little drop of it, but it's just simmering in your system, or, you know, you might notice the immediate effect, but if it's just like a little drop here and there, and eventually, you know, you're gonna die from this poison, permeable to die, but you know, analogy. So be strict with yourself. And if you've noticed that, like, for example, with this, you know, me looking at my face and being like, Oh, maybe I should not smile. Ridiculous. Then what can you do to counteract that? And so looking at images of older people maybe or off, or people who whatever it is that you're concerned about people who are embracing those parts of those, their body, and joyful, not people being like, Oh, this is what I used to look like, or, you know, that type of stuff. So you can it's like the antidote, right? It might not be as powerful as that poison, because I'm telling you, half an hour of me looking at these before and after pictures of celebs not you know, before Photoshop and whatnot, it might take 10 hours of body positive content to erase that, or, you know, three hours talking to my therapist about it or whatever, right. So you have to be very careful, because that stuff is really powerful.

Speaker 1

37:33

Next, we just spoke about it, my therapist, oh my god, I fuckin love therapy, love therapy so much, I talk to my therapist, once a month, normally, almost once every three weeks. I've been talking to her for maybe seven years now, for the same one. Amazing love her so much. And before that, I I wasn't, I wasn't, I didn't have enough money before that to go to see a paid therapist. And so I found a three a free therapist. And so they're probably, maybe I don't know where you live, but there may be resources for you to go and see therapy. So that's my next one is, if you can, working with a professional on this type of stuff. I cannot tell you how much I love and appreciate the fact that I have access to therapy, it really is really, really important. The way I see it is you might be like, well, I've got friends and family that I can talk to you about my stuff, my stuff, bird. One, sometimes your friends and family are too close. And they they are they're trying to influence you in ways that they want to influence you. Right. And so the ways that they want to interview and influence you, we all do it, there might be good for you. But we don't know, it might not be the best reason. But when you have a third party, who is not, you know, carrying their own baggage about who you are, and all that type of stuff is very helpful. And also, it's not actually your friends and families jobs to be your therapist. And of course, you know, we talk with our friends and family about our problems and, you know, come up with solutions and say if you're sad and all that type of stuff, but it's not anyone else's job to fix you. It's only your job. And honestly, our friends and families aren't unless they're a therapist, and even if they are they they're not qualified to do that. You know, cuz you wouldn't have a friend as a therapy therapist as a friend because there might be too close is what I mean about that. But yeah, so even if you're investing, you know, a couple of 100 bucks every day Six weeks or two months or month or whatever it is, however much therapist is in your area, I don't know. Like it's probably cheaper in other places, but the investment, the return on investment, for me for therapy has been exponential has been like a bazillion percent return on investment. Honestly, I cannot tell you enough, and a lot of people say to me, Well, I, I went to therapy once and I didn't like therapist, I guess, well, there's loads of therapists out there, you might go to 123 and be like, Nah, it's not necessarily therapy you don't like it's that therapist, right? So the my therapist that I, I went to she was probably the fourth therapist, my previous therapist, they were there too. We're okay. One I went through before her and she was like this British lady. And I'm British, but she's very, like snooty and being like, you know, oh, this is your problem. And this is what's wrong with you. And I was like, match, we've been like speaking for 15 minutes, how do you know what's wrong with me. And another thing, I spoke to another therapist for the BBC show, they provide you with therapist before, to make sure if you're okay to do the show, and afterwards, and I didn't like her either. And it wasn't a fit. And so, you know, I've had, that's probably fine. I'm actually now five therapists, and this one I've had, she is a great fit. And it's like meeting people at a party, right? You might meet one person and be like, their massive decade. And you might meet someone else and be like, Oh my God, I want them to be my best friend therapist forever. So So do some experimentation, seek some people out. And the great thing about modern technology is that you can talk to therapists online nowadays. And so no matter where you are in the world, and I've seen these adverts, I can't remember the name of it. But you can you can Google it and find it. We can talk to therapists, virtually. And so you can text with them. You can email them, you can video chat with them. And I'm really sure it's pretty inexpensive. So how about that for a New Year's resolution trying doing some therapy or you know,

Speaker 1

42:25

doing a program or something? Oh, some that you could do is a program that could support you. Loving your fat body is first fatty Academy, which is my program. It is not available to buy to enroll in currently, it will be sometime in 2020. I don't know yet. I haven't done my planning for 2020. Yet, I'm recording this in 2019, by the way, so don't be like oh my god, it's 2020 already. It's still 2019 I have time. So I don't know when you can get it. But enrolling in a program like face value Academy, which helps you love your fat body and find peace around food. Is that a wise investment for you? In 2020? Right. It might not be it might be you might be like No, it's not actually. Also a different program could be but know that, you know, something like face value Academy is out there in the world. So with therapy with therapy, with working on this stuff, I was able to do my next step, my next step is getting rid of shit people. So New Year's resolution, write it down, get rid of shit people from my life. This is, this has been one of the hardest things for me, because it's dealing with other people, right. And sometimes the people you get rid of, or you need to get rid of, you know, limit the time you spend with them or get rid of them out of your life completely could be people who are very close to you, and you might have a deeply, you know, dysfunctional or entangled relationship or codependent or whatever. And so this is very difficult. And so with therapy, maybe, maybe not, who knows. You could work to know how to deal with those people. The people you know, who aren't right for you in your life, move away from them or get rid of them completely. And it can be a really long process. And so I have a family member who is in the immediate family and for years in therapy. I've been working on trying to repair the relationship and so this person that Call it Becky, this person Becky, for years has broken my trust has been really inappropriate. And so but I wanted to get over it, I was just like, I just want to get over it. And I just want to forget about it and not, it just not be a thing. I'm just so done with being mad at this person. And so, literally years in therapy of being like, okay, so what do I do? Okay, I'm going to reach out to her and tell her how I feel, I'm going to send her a letter, I'm going to set a boundary, I'm going to take some time away from her. And tried, honestly tried everything I could to try and make this relationship work because it was in the immediate family and not having a relationship with Becky, would words be very difficult. And so eventually, through therapy, I had to work out that actually, I can't, I can't have this person in my life in any capacity. So I can't talk to them. I can't engage with them. I can't. Even if they try being like, I love you, I'm sorry. And please be my friend and things like that. I can't, I can't do that right now. It might change but and this has been the situation for the for the past year. And having this person who has for many years been a negative influence and just a source of anguish, because I wanted to fix the thing, and I couldn't fix the thing. And why can't I fix the thing? Why can't I just get over it? Realizing I just had to let it go, has been so great, really great, hard, complicated. I've had a lot of flack from other family members, because I should just get over it and be their friend and stop being so sensitive and things like that. Which those comments are not appropriate, by the way.

Speaker 1

47:13

But that that stuck a big example of something that I've done, which I'm actually very proud of, because I've set boundaries in place, which are very difficult to do because it's, you know, like I say in close, close family. But I'm not saying you go do that tomorrow, just never talk to your parents again or whatever. But do you have people that you're kind of may know, friends or friends or friends, you don't see that often. But you know that when you spend time with them, no good comes of it and you leave spending time with them feeling down or not as good? You know, are you are you spending time with people? And you're like, oh, yeah, that person is fucking awesome. Oh, my God, I can't wait to see them again. Or, you know, the way that you're feeling afterwards is a really good indication of what's going on, you know, in that dynamic in that relationship. And, of course, you can work on fixing it. But some people you know, deep down, we know that that person isn't good for us. Just can you move away from them? Can you spend less time with them? Can you write on a vision board? Get rid of Becky in 2020? Then Becky comes around is like What's this? There you go done for you. But you don't have to have shitty people in your life by the way, right? It's not your job to fix them. You're not a bad person for breaking up with people, even if you've been friends with them for years, even if they're a family member, even if they are your spouse, even if they're the the father or mother of your child or whatever it is, if people are not working for you, and you know that relationship is not benefit beneficial for both of you. Then seriously, consider ending it. spending less time with the person putting in boundaries. Life's too short. And a note on that is you might feel like you're being too sensitive and overreacting. And if you kind of drift away from someone or break up with them, they may accuse you of being too sensitive. But as you become more confident and realize your worth you realize the things that you have been taking as this is okay behavior is not actually okay. And it's okay for them. That's fine, but it's not. It's not okay for you now, and it's fine. So there's some suggestions for you. Tell me are you going to do any of those things? All of them, none of them. Do you have your own or you're inspired to do your own version of one of these, or some of these. Message me, let me know Victoria at first fatty.com Or you can find me on Instagram first dot fatty or Facebook face fattie or anywhere else Twitter already on Twitter. I'm on Twitter, I'm on Twitter. But I've made my account private because of all of the trolls that I got from Who are you calling fact the BBC documentary that I was in, though they attended to congregate more on Twitter than they did on Instagram, which was interesting. Anyway, so my sister was hanging out with me today. And I told her that I was doing this podcast episode and I said to her, that at the end of the podcast episode, I always show tell you a fact about me. And so I said to her, what should my fact be today? And my sister told me to tell you some embarrassing things about me. So the first fact that she wanted you to know about me is that once when we were kids, we lived in a really rough neighborhood. And we were hanging around in some bushes, as you do. And I found this teddy bear this unknown looks like maybe it's a polar bear. I was maybe 10. And she was a around that. And so I found this this bear and it was a white bear used to be white. And it was like covered in like mud and it looked like tar. Basically, don't even touch it. You know, don't even go near that thing. Put it in the bin, like disgusting, dirty. And so I said to my sister, oh, look, I found this bear. And she's like, Oh, can I have it? And I was gonna be like on a store in the bed. And I was like, Yeah, but you have to pay me for it. So then she was like, how much and I was like, five pounds, five pounds and five pounds then was

Speaker 1

52:05

loads of money, especially because we're really poor. We're really poor gates. And so she probably had to save up and give me the money but she she gave me five pounds. And this this teddy bear. She called snowy was literally disgusting. I think my mum put it in the wash. But I remember. She kept it. She's still got it snowy. It's her. It's her teddy bear, that she's sad for years. And now it's kind of y ish, gray white. But for years it had these big black stains on it. Because it was like in a bush. It was this disgusting thing. And I saw the opportunity to make money from my poor sister, my poor little sister, and sold it to her for five pounds. So but she still got it now she's got slowly so she's very lucky that I found that and sold it to her very industrious child I was. And the other thing what she wanted to know, what she wanted you to know is that one time when it was her birthday. My other sister who's older than us bought her some white mask perfume. And so white mask perfume was from The Body Shop. And it was just like, we loved it. We were like, Oh my God, we love this white mass perfume. And so my sister bought Kath McAfee's, my younger sister's name, this white mass perfume. And I decided that I want it and so then I stole it from her. And obviously, like we shared a room. We got went to the same school and everything. And she's like wearing a white mask. And I was just like, I don't know, but then she like, you smell like white mask. You have my white mass perfume. And I'm like, No, I don't. And we're at the bus stop going to school. And she's like, well, let me look in your bag. And I was like, No, you can't look at my bag. There's nothing there but you can't look and at the end of the day, I was like, you can look in my bag now see, there's nothing in there and obviously it was like in my pocket or something. But then my oldest stat to buy my younger sister another bottle of wine mask, but eventually I gave it back I was just so jealous. I was so jealous, like, Yeah, but I My sister was no angel one time and she was mad at me. She made me a cup of tea and she took all the hair from a hairbrush and put it in the bottom of the cup of tea. So she no angel either. Okay, it wasn't me that was just the massive knob head. Although I feel I do feel like there's lots of stories of me being a knob when I was younger, one time so my mum would my mum would work and we would have to entertain ourselves. And so, one Saturday we decided this is where my entrepreneurial spirit starts. When I was a kid, we decided I decided, I said, let's have a fair in the back back garden. And so like a fair like, you know, there's games and like we sell things like Bricker back BRAC and stuff. And so we're like, Okay, well, what are we going to sell. And we just went through the house, and took all the stuff in the house, and put it all out into the gutter, the stuff that we decided that we didn't want, my mum. And then we made posters. And bear in mind, we lived in the really, really, really like, if not the roughest neighborhood in the city that I grew up in Peterborough. The second refaced, like really dangerous. And so we put posters up everywhere with our address and come along, and I employed neighborhood kids to run the the games and stuff. And we were like, the whole neighborhood was just traipsing through our back garden, like buying my mom's stuff, probably for like 20 P and not that my mom had anything of value anyway. And then I went to meet her from work midway through the day. And because she worked into like one or 2pm walking home I went to meet her was at work and walking home. And I was like, so

Speaker 1

56:19

it's pretty cool. We have like affair going on in the garden. And she was like, what, and then she saw want like one of the posters up somewhere. And then she just ran home. And she was get out everyone want to get like a house ransacked. And the money that I made, that I made basically money that I stole from my mom from selling us stuff. I had to give it all away to the neighborhood kids that I'd employed because I wasn't very good with business at that point. So I didn't end up making any money. But I guess when you know, when you when kids are left to their own devices that kind of do that kind of come up with with shit like this, right? So anyway, that's a little fact about me being a knucklehead child. I wasn't completely an op ed but yeah. Alright, so hey, message me and let me know what are you going to be doing for 2020? I love hearing from you about the podcast. So yeah, it makes my day when you say hey, I really liked that podcast, or hey, you're so sexually attractive. I know. Oh, my God. Yeah, but yeah, reach out. Say hi. And oh, hey, the show notes for this episode is first fatty.com forward slash 012. Because we're episode 12. So show notes. And so if you want a social media, first party www.facebook.com forward slash 012. You can find all the other episodes on that page, you know, those following pages. But wherever you're listening to it, there's all the other episodes anyways, I don't even know what don't do that. Alright, so Happy New Year. I hope this 2020 is going to be incredible for you. I will be going back to I'm currently in Ireland, but in the first quarter, and we're going to be going back to North America to Vancouver, Canada, which is where I'm normally situated. And yeah, we're going to be finding an apartment there Wish me luck. Because it's like a feeding frenzy for any type of apartment. That's not like $5,000 a month or something. Yeah, but I'll be back in North North America, in quarter one and taking over the world for the rest of the quarters. So wanna join me be a part of the face value revolution. You're welcome. Come along for the ride. All right. Well have a wonderful rest of your day. First fatty and I'll check you out in the next episode of the first fatty podcast. Mommy

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