Okay, I have so much to say about that example. Let me say, first of all, I don't give advice. And sometimes that frustrates people, but they usually end up thanking me for that. I always say, in order to know what's going to work in an individual situation, you need to know a lot about that situation, who were the people? What are their styles? What's your history? And so anything that will be exactly right, for one will be exactly wrong for another. On the other hand, understanding what the parameters of interaction are, what are the aspects of conversational style? How can things go awry? How can you try doing something differently than you did before. And see if you have a better response, as an example, you have a slightly different sense of pausing. And so you're doing all the talking and the other person is not counter seven before you go ahead and start speaking, you might be amazed that they start to speak with a person who thinks you don't want to hear me talk you only one, hear yourself talk, push yourself to begin speaking a little more quickly. And you might be amazed that they're very happy to stop and listen to you. So once you understand that the impression that somebody is interrupting you with the pressure that somebody has nobody, nothing to say, could be a matter of a slight linguistic difference in length of pause expected, then you have your own ways of finding solutions. So and I'll give you some more examples of that, I have to hasten to say that that advice of writing a letter was patently bad advice on the surface. Because one of the things I found and I write this in the book about the workplace, talking from nine to five, conflicts that had arisen. In these workplaces, when I had done my research, they're always resulted from one way communication, and email, a memo, a message left on voicemail, one way communication, that way, you get deeper and deeper and deeper into whatever line you're following. And you don't get to see the other person's response. So you don't stop. If you were face to face. And you said something that really pushed the buttons of the person you're speaking to, in your case, your stepmother, you would stop because she would stop you. And you would either backtrack or explain why you said it. Or maybe you didn't mean it the way she took it, or maybe you did, but at least you get you wouldn't go as far down that road as you would when you don't see the response and there's no holds barred. So, that that's, that's I would say that that's never a good idea. And I'd like to give a couple more are examples of how just knowing what the problem is you can find your own solution. So one of the issues that frequently comes up it's, it's it's kind of a truism now, but I did write about it, and you just didn't understand and had not really heard about it before I wrote it there. That end of day conversation where a woman wants to talk about a problem, and a man offers a solution, and then she's frustrated, don't tell me what to do. And he just doesn't really want a solution. And then he's frustrated. Why do you want to talk about it if you don't want to do anything about it? And he felt he was actually asked for his advice, why else would you tell him? There's a whole lot to say about that. The role of troubles talk in girls and women's relationships, so that just listening is doing something about it. Because it doesn't have that role in boys, men's socialization, it doesn't feel like just listening is doing anything, and they really want to do something to help. The more serious the problem, the more eager they are to solve it and help you solve it. So many people have said, okay, the solution is to this issue a Give, give advice. Obviously, the one should say, I don't want your advice, I just want you to listen, that is going to drive him completely crazy. If he has no idea why you want to talk about something, if it's not to find a solution. If you both understand the role of talk in the socialization and the formation of close relationships in the different gender groups, then you don't need to be told you know, it. Um, one couple actually said to me, that just seeing this explanation was such a lifesaver in their marriage. And the guy said to me, now she's reading maps. I said, What, what is that to do? And he said, Well, now that you know, we come home at the end of the day, and I understand why she wants to talk. And I and I listen, she that has just been so satisfying to her that she decided she wanted to do something equivalent. I was always frustrated that she couldn't read maps. So she made the effort. There's a goodwill that that grows out of that.