072_Are_We_Fat_Because_Of_Trauma_PLUS_Age_Positivity

Vinny Welsby52min

Speaker 1

00:00

You're listening to the fierce fatty podcast episode 72. We fat because of trauma, plus age positivity, let's do it. I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident fifth party who loves every inch of this jelly. Desire. The teacher says living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter? Like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast Let's begin.

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01:19

Hello, and welcome to this episode fatty house live. Are you staying phears? Fatty? Question. Hope your hope you are relaxing. I hope you're not working too much. I was thinking today. I've been really busy. I've been really busy. And I, I hate this kind of

Unknown Speaker

01:42

culture, you know where it's like, I'm so important. I'm so busy. I don't think we should be busy. I think we should be working less and relaxing more and

Speaker 1

01:55

just you know, having a hands down the pants a little bit more. And, you know, because all that kind of culture of hustle culture is problematic. It's no good. Let's not hustle. That's just all have a big old nap. Or chi. That's this is me giving myself a pep talk. Stop working so much. I was because I was working cuz I've been working a lot. And I was working till like 730 last night to some people that might not be late. But for me, I'm kind of like, one orphaned finish work and at five, and normally do go. The dog starts complaining at five, around five, between five and six. If I haven't taken them out for a walk, he'll start stamping his feet staring at me doing like little because he doesn't want to be rude about it. He didn't want to do even a balk at me. He wants to be like, hey, it's time for you to stop working now please. Yeah, so. So took him for a walk yesterday. And then I came back and some made myself and even make myself proper dinner. I was like, I'm busy. I'm just like, add some cereal and snacky things and whatever. So yeah, I didn't feel good. I didn't feel good. So in the evening, at nighttime, I went to bed earlier than normal. And I, I found this app is called lunar, or I know, I don't know if that's an L or an AI, but l o o n a. And there's kind of this like, you do this iron out if I can describe it, it's you. It's just like relaxing, it's that you do a task. And the task relax relaxes you. And then they put on some music. And so I did that. And I was like, I'm so fucking relaxed. And then I fell asleep. And I have a sleep app that monitors my sleep to see what I'm up to and stuff called sleep cycle. And it said that it was like a 97% good sleep. So obviously, although I put on this sleep story, right, and the sleep story was on a beach. I'm like, Yes, Beach. I'm going on there to collect a stone. And I'm like, yeah, very boring. This is going to make me fall asleep. And then the story was like, I went out and I waited out and the water was warm, but then it suddenly got cold. And I was like, what this sounds a bit scary. And then they're like the sand fell beneath my, you know, dip down and it was I'm out further than I think and I'm like, This is not fucking relaxing. I'm scared. Is this person going to die? Like what is this? And then they're like, Oh, I'm looking over and I can only I can barely see the shore and the shape of the shore so far away. And I'm like, This is not relaxing. I'm like my heart is beating because this person is going to die. I'm going to think about kind of being out In the ocean ocean and it being a bit scary. And then they said, when a seal came, I'm like right now. Nature is coming. So anyway, it made me fall asleep, but I wasn't happy about it. I was like, I'm falling asleep. But I'm angry about this sleep story. Anyway, so go try out, my app is free, you can pay for it. But then there's like, free options where you, it's probably not as good. But yeah, so I have got a couple of I've got a couple of listener questions that I wanted to answer today in this podcast. If you want to send me a question that I will

Speaker 1

05:43

potentially answer on the show, then just email me email me Victoria fares fatty.com. And, yeah, I think that it's something that other people will benefit from the answer. I will answer on the show. Okay, so first question comes from Peggy. Peggy. Such a cool name. Okay, so Peggy says, Hi, I first heard of young Christie Harrison's podcast, and I really enjoyed it. I've been on Christy's podcast couple of times, most recently, maybe six months ago. Anyway, so I know. My problem, though, is finding more people like me to identify with, I follow you and love your attitude, but you and most of your picks are of young, lovely people with quote unquote firmer fat. I turned 60 last summer and have died since the age of 12. For major losses. Losses here I think I thought losses meant something else but for major losses as in losing weight, I think is what Peggy saying four major like weight losses, and three babies during my life. The last loss in 2016 was from complications of a lap band that kept me from eating for several months before the band was being removed. I couldn't swallow water by the end, I have had to watch much of the weight return over the last four years which has been devastating. Even though I expected it. I had enjoyed the benefits of loss that weren't just about a parent sleeping in a bed without having to get up in four hours with back pain playing cello without having to reach and get get shoulder pain, flying without the humiliation of asking for an extension etc. A year ago, I started seeing a dietitian certified intuitive eating and a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. I also retired from practicing medicine two years ago and I'm dedicated to learning as much as I can to contribute to a local body positive group. I feel more comfortable with eating than I have in 50 years but I continue to fight the dieting thoughts. I've recently been organizing photos and feeling quite depressed after seeing myself looking lighter than I do now. My face has lost all chin definition with my sagging neck and I can't stop obsessing about my abdomen. I decided to go on Instagram to give myself a dose of fat pics. But as I said, I don't really see anyone over 50 that I can identify with. Sorry, I have been so long winded. I hope that you might have some justice suggestions to point me in the right direction. Thanks so much for all that you do is important work. Smiley face, Peggy. Okay, so so, so many people, I bet will resonate with lots of different things there in Peggy's email, I bet I bet the kind of the pain of losing weight and putting it back home and, and then seeing photos of yourself looking lighter. And then not being real reality now. And not finding pictures of people who look like you on Instagram. So there's a whole movement out there called age positivity, which is all about shocker, age positivity. Now, a big kind of note to take here is that the pictures of older people that are on on Instagram, they're fucking glamorous as shit, right? These these these women that are in the age positive movements, they're basically models who happen to be 6070 8090. Right? And so I want you to to bear that in mind. But there are also lots of fatties. And people who I don't know what you look like, but I think probably look more like you. And so on Instagram. There are a A couple of tags that I would like you to go and look at. The first one is the biggest one, it's age positive. So on Instagram, you can just go search in the bio age positive. I checked this morning, and there's 134,000 posts. So I think in the 134,000, because obviously, you're going to go through everyone, now, you're going to find people that you know, are going to make you feel inspired. And I've, I'm going to link to 123, just for I'm going to link to for people that I think might be inspiring for you or not.

Speaker 1

10:36

So that's one thing, but the one that I like, even better is the hashtag age Po. So ag E P O. And that was started by my friend and colleague summit in London. And some, she's, I think she's 41 now. And she noticed, like a lot of her clients who were dealing with this body Stuff and Being older and not seeing that representation. So she started that hashtag of age Po, and the posts in the age Po, they're more fat people, they're more people doing the work versus influences. You know, influences are great, right? It's like, oh, look their outfits. And so if I can good, but then people who were, you know, not doing this as a job, they'll just chuck a picture up of them in their outfit, just go into work. And it's like a normal day, and they happen to be fat. And not everyone is fat in H Po, but there's only 3500 posts there, but still only 500. That's loads. And it's growing. So just a couple of years ago, there was only 15,000. In both of these tags. There's only 15,000 posts. So this is a growing movement. And I'm going to link to a Time article that that talks about about this, but it talks about Gen X women, I know that you're not Gen X, I think that you Peggy are a boomer correct me if I'm wrong, all of this is so blurred and like whatever but anyway, so this article says what is it called body body positive movement Gen X women, Gen X women feel excluded from Body Positive movement. Okay, so Gen X is about the age of 40 to 55. And, and what they're saying in this article, it says there's representation of people who are 7080 90, but there's less representation for people who are like 40 to 60. There's still not enough representation of people who are 7080 90 but okay, so here's a little quote from it. Talking about this stuff, age, positivity, from this time article, all of these things I'm going to link below. Although, when I say below, like on the if you go to facebook.com forward slash 72 072072 or facebook.com forward slash podcast if that's the numbers too difficult to remember in the in your head. So, okay, here's a quote from that article. Are those studies on body image mostly focus on college or teenage women? A 2015 review of the existing research on older women showed that just like their younger counterparts, they suffer from the same negative feelings about their bodies when confronted with standards that promote thinness as ideal. Only in midlife, they're up against a second impossible quote unquote ideal, a taut, wrinkle free, youthful one, causing this cohort to engage in quote, unquote, old talk conversation that belittles the natural things that happen as we age. According to a 2013 study published in the Journal of eating disorders, full stop. According to another study from 2004, published in the journal body image found that body dissatisfaction was remarkably stable across the adult lifespan for women. The changes women and this is a quote from the study that changes women in changes women in their bodies go through midlife are arguably as drastic as the changes girls were and their bodies go through in puberty, says Jeannie Ramsay winter, an assistant professor at the School of Social Work at the University of Missouri Columbia, who studies body image and adolescence. So, adolescence, okay, so that's a little quote, go read the article. You'll get some people to follow there. But some people if you just have if you're if you're on Instagram right now, let me give you some names. So the first person that I I found when I searched age positive amounts like she looked great is Robin, like the bird Robin. And I'm gonna spell the name C H A R M A G and E. Charmaine, Charmaine that's about Charma je ne So Robin jahmene Robin doesn't mention how old they are but

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15:19

they look amazing and they mentioned that they're they're older. Okay, so next we've got glitter glamour so glitter, GLA ma glitter glamour, I guess in my maybe it's like that's a that's a wordplay on grammar, but glamour, so llama with a G on the front, or maybe it's Lama Rama Lama is not it's not about lamas, glitz, Glamour, je la ma, okay next is like the most famous old person but they are straight size is baddie Winkle be a DD ie Winkle, wi n k l e. Valley Winkle is 90 plus years old. And he's so fucking fabulous is just, just, I'm just mad about it. So that's a 90 plus year old but Betty is straight sized. Next Idaho, Amy, I know her me Amy is 45 Idaho, underscore Amy Ami. So Idaho Amy is famous for doing a Stanford self love where she blindfolded herself and asked people to come on right on her in a busy market. And Amy is a smaller fat person. So just Just an FYI, there. So there's a few people to go and follow. I'm going to link to them. But aside from finding people who look like you, that's that's how you do it. And the more that the more that you, when you follow one of these people, he will say follow up foot, press follow. And then underneath, it'll pop up saying here are similar accounts. And so just by following those, those people, you're going to find more and more similar accounts that are more aligned with people who look like you, alongside younger people if you want to. But if you honestly, if you find seeing those younger bodies triggering right now, just temporarily, unfollow, temporarily unfollow me, it could be temporary, it could be forever. You know, if it's not good for your mental health, and, you know, we can just listen here you're not getting you don't have to look at me when when you're doing the podcast. So that's an idea too. So aside from all that, I wanted to mention about the the good times of being fun, and all the things that you could do. And talking about kind of mourning that, and really sitting with the idea of what you had to do to get there something that really stood out was when you said, you know, complications, this is quote from your complications of a lap band that kept me from eating for several months. And at the end, I couldn't swallow water. And so, yes, you had a smaller body and enjoyed societal benefits of having a smaller body, like getting a seat on an airplane. And, and, but at what cost at what cost, not being able to eat, not being able to drink water, like, you know, you got those things, but you would die, you would die, you will, literally dying, you know. And so you know, at what cost I want to I want to remind you and so, you know, thinking about all of those things that we do to come thin and then we're like we kind of romanticize it and be like, Oh my god, remember when, you know I was this size, and I looked so good. But you know, I looked so good. And I was dying, and I was my mental health was seriously unstable at that time. And I was doing all of these things that were damaging way my physical health and my mental health. That's one thing I want to point out. And also, you experienced these these other benefits you mentioned, you know being able to, to sleep, play your cello and not have aches and whatnot. And I want to ask the question of do we know for sure, it's because you have less adipose tissue on your body, that those things were doable for you. So remember, correlation is not causation, just because you had a smaller body? Was it the fact that you had a smaller body you had less adipose tissue? Or was it the fact that you were engaging in different types of behaviors that could have helped with those things? For example, were you more active? Were you building muscle? more healthful behaviors were Are you engaging in during that time? That could be the reason why those things were happening? Now? We don't know, right? I'm asking these questions just asking these questions. And if you want to, can you now so we know, we we've established that

Speaker 1

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being thin is not possible for like most people, even through surgery. And so, okay, so we can't become thin. But what can we do to if you want to increase your range of motion, increase your strength, support your body, in bed, whatever it is, and what can we do to help these things in the body that you have now. So, you know, when it could be that you had this extra tissue on your body, that it made it more difficult to reach for the cello, you know, it could be that, but there's so far in your life, and in most people's lives, showing that we can't get thin. So what can we do instead to support a health if you want to, and of course, health is not a moral obligation. But you know, I kind of want to point that out to see if there are ways for you to ease that transition back into your, your normal, you know, your your body that you've had most of your life. And also want to recognize that moving from a body that is hated by society, into a body that is more accepted. And then back again, into that less privileged group really fucking sucks. It sucks to go and everything alongside it. So the praise, that you probably got the oh my god, you know, you're going to live forever now that you've lost way and I'm alone, you look so good and well done, and what hard work and all that type of praise that we get. And then you know how everyone kind of goes silent. And then when we put weight back on in the show room that we feel. And you know that societal privilege is huge to lose that privilege. But this is not a game that we want to play. Right? We don't want to be blaming our bodies for the issue. The issues in society like plane, belts not being made for humans, like you're a human being fat people, human beings plane. Seatbelts are not made for humans. They're made for a few humans, not everyone. And so recognizing that that's fucked up. It doesn't mean your body's fucked up, that is fucked up, societies bucked up, and you can do things to to help yourself in those situations, if you want to something like and you shouldn't have to do this. Seatbelt should be the right size playing belt should be the right size. You can buy a seat belt extended online for playing trips, because you meant you mentioned are having to ask for an extender. And how that was embarrassing for you. And understandably so. And so you can buy one online relatively cheap, you can buy one if if anyone needs one in the car, you can buy one there. And so you can support yourself in dealing with this fucked up society. So I hope that helps. And then we kind of went off a tangent there because you were just asking for age positivity things but you know, there was a lot of there's a lot of stuff in that email. And I was just like, oh, Peggy. Oh, no, that sounds really difficult. And I wouldn't want to give you a fatty Hargens. Yeah, so amazing that you have a group in your area that you're in engaged with, like, how cool is that? That's really cool. That's probably a body positive group in Vancouver. I don't know about. Okay, so on to the next question on air.

Speaker 1

24:06

Just a trigger warning here. There's going to be mentions of abuse. Talking about we're talking about how does having a fat body you know, does that stem from being abused and sexual assault and that type of thing. So if that is not feeling good for you today, then skip the rest of this episode. Okay, so I got an email here from Bianca. So Bianca says, Dear Victoria, I have read your book and I loved it. I'm listening to your podcasts and doing the work. I'm also reading the book Health at Every Size from lindo bacon. Now, I'm at this page and I would like you to look at it, please. What do you think about this? Can you tell me more about this? Or maybe in a podcast, it says in the book that being fat can have a reason, for example, as protection that I actually unconsciously like to be fat Being fat is a protective layer. For example, a man who was abused by a man as a 10 year old boy, and then slowly gained weight he subconsciously like being fat so that men wouldn't find him attractive. So fat is protection here. Do you understand me? Love from Holland. Greetings, Bianca. Okay, thank you, Bianca for the question. Bianca actually attached a few pages a few excerpt, excerpts from health every size. So I've got the Health at Every Size of book here, the OG one from when I first started this journey. And there's lots of pages that are folded over and, and post it notes and highlights and all stuff. Like I remember having this book in my hand, and being like, What the actual fuck? Who, what, what, why Islam dominates before. So it's a it's old, it's old. So let's go to the page. Now. If you're reading alone, it's page 183. So everyone can get out of there. Get their Health at Every Size books by Linda Bacon. If you want to read along, I'm going to read 123 pages to you. Okay, so federal in, you can maybe use this as your sleep aids. If you're falling asleep. I'm going to read you three pages from the book, page 193. From health every size, and stand your internal motivation in exploring your feelings about weight and appearance, Visa V. Society's messages, I want you to ask yourself a question. Do you want to be fat, some large people unconsciously do when I first present this idea most people think I'm crazy. Just a note there that's ableist language. No one can even remotely consider that they might prefer to be fat in this fat phobic culture, but suspend your disbelief for a moment as you try the following exercise. Picture yourself at a party at your current weight. Pay attention to your clothes, how you feel in your body, how you interact with others. Now replay the party this time because you visualizing yourself or what you view as your quote unquote ideal weight. When I asked my study participants to do this, the results were surprising. Even though they are the same person in each scenario, they report that their weight played a dramatic role in how they felt and the quality of the participation and interaction with others. Many reported that their fat afforded them some quote unquote protection. It allowed them to recede into the background and hide it helped them avoid being being marketed. Judged, viewed as a sexual object, or in competition with others. It's not surprising that so many of us feel this ambivalence about our body size, that we revile ourselves of being fat, but we value the protection it affords. This experience derives from our social context for some of us, certainly not all overeating. Note there is this is a thing as overeating. Overeating and getting fat is an unconscious unconscious rebellion against the social expectations placed on us. Listen to what my study petition participants found. Several women said that they felt that while others at the party were judging other women, their their fat enabled them to escape

Speaker 1

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the pressure of evaluation based on the parents, it was as if their fat was saying, Take me for who I am not for who I'm supposed to be the result, relief that they weren't being checked out by others. Several women in my study connected their weight gain to motherhood. Once they became mothers, it meant that everyone else's needs came first. So they learned to take care of others, but not to acknowledge or to make space for their own needs. They viewed their fat as a physical representation of their role as nurturers and caretakers and a sign that they had abdicated their role as sexual beings, which they felt was an important part of being mothers. The benefit of this exercise wasn't limited to women. When I asked a man I was counseling to try this exercise he recalled being sexually molested as a child, his weight can be gained began. His weight gain began soon after. It was as if he were trying to make himself appealing so his abuser wouldn't approach him anymore. He acknowledged that his current weight still provided the same protections as long as he's, quote unquote, overweight, others are less likely to pay attention to him. When a woman flirted with him at work, it made him very uncomfortable and he started to binge. Another client described his fat as allowing him to look and be substantial, as if by taking up more space, he could be noticed and taken more seriously. If you recognize yourself in any of these stories, it's time you explored the benefits of being fat, and the ways in which you rely on your fat to protect you. Otherwise, I'm going to talk about this line. So a big kind of Asterix on this line. Otherwise, you may continue to sabotage yourself when it comes to developing healthier habits. If you feel stuck, it may be because you continue to address your wait isn't eating slash exercise problem you need to control rather than understanding it as a protective device you've created to help you get through your days. But be careful before you jump to this conclusion. Some of us may assign it to ourselves because we've heard it over and over. You know, the fat people are fat because they're scared of intimacy stereotype, we generalize the legitimate problems of the minority onto the majority of larger people. Contrary to popular belief, however, studies indicate that larger people are not significantly different than thinner individuals with respect to sexual satisfaction. Try this exercise to help answer the do I need my fat question. Picture yourself in various social settings parties, family gatherings, sporting events, time alone with your partner, or first date being sexual? At various ways. Focus on the positive elements of your weight. And in each scenario, ask yourself the following questions. What are advantages of being fat? What are the advantages of being fat? What parts of my personality? Was my fat Express? How could I express these parts of myself if I were? page needs to be turned thinner? Are there any negatives to being my ideal size? Are there any fears associated with being my ideal size? What aspects of my personality do I currently suppress because of my size, how might I express these aspects if I weren't worried about my weight, as you start to acknowledge the ways in which your weight benefits and protects you, you can move forward to to taking conscious responsibilities for these benefits, and protection, instead of allowing yourself allowing your fat to do it for you. For instance, if this exercise shows that you use your fat as an excuse not to be sexually active, you need to examine your fears about sex, you then have the option to decide you don't want to be sexually active, and own that choice, instead of using your body as an excuse not to have sex, or you can decide that you want to become more sexually active and move beyond the limits you set for yourself. Okay, so that is an excerpt from our exercise by Linda Bacon, Ph. D. And the question that Bianca submitted. So the question is, are we are we fat because of abuse or because it's a protective layer or because it has some benefit to us that we don't realize? So. This is a stereotype. And lindo mentions that in the book, and just an FYI. lindo is a straight size, non binary human pronouns, they then, so

Speaker 1

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this is a stereotype and this is cut. This is, you know, three pages from this, this book, which is 374 pages. And it's like a small, kind of, hey, consider this type of thing. And I think it's, you know, a hey, consider this, but it is not the reality for most fat people. The reason that people are fat are in the hundreds, it is so diverse. But the way that we perceive fatness in society is that it is a personal failure, that it is a choice. And the reason why people are fat is because they eat too much food and they don't exercise enough. And if we're being generous in society, we say that is something that you're doing subconsciously, you're not consciously trying to gain weight, and so pathologizing fat bodies and saying, you know, if we're being generous, generous, it's not your fault that you're fat that you ate so much food because you were abused as a kid. Now, thing is sometimes stereotypes can happen to be true for some people. And I don't think this is the Eat the reality for most fat people. But we love to try and work out like what has gone wrong with that fat person that they've got a body that's so fucking disgusting. Like, how could they do that to themselves? Oh, they're doing that to themselves because so there's some other benefit that is, you know, it's more painful to experience this negative outcome than it is for them to be fat. And so, you know, there's something wrong with that brain sort of thing. I remember I remember believing this so, so much, I remember I remember exactly where I was in the car with my then boyfriend, what street, we're on the fact that we were making a right turn. And I was in the passenger seat. And I said to him, I think every single fat person is fat, because they have a mental health issue. And he says, he's a straight size guy, his family of fat people. And I was, you know, fat. And he, I'm surprised he said this, but he was like, Ah, I don't think so. Really, and I was like, yes, definitely, all fat people are fat, because there's something wrong with them, there's something wrong with their brain, there's something, you know, that it's an issue that has manifested on their body, you know, including myself in that. That stereotype and we see it so often in, in business coaching in, in all sorts of coaching, people saying that being fat, or the size of your body is a manifestation of shit that you've not worked out in your life. So, being fat shows you that you have some type, some type of problem, or mental health issue that you need to fix. And now there's no nothing wrong with having mental health issues. Like, you know, I live with depression. And it that doesn't mean that's why I'm fat. But you know, connecting the two there and saying, the reason why someone is fat is it's, it's a health issue. The reason is a health issue. And it's not because there just happens to be fat people in the world. And it's not because of all the other reasons that people are fat. And that is, theirs makes me want to stab someone in the face. When I hear that kind of way is like a manifestation of your issues on your body and like.

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But there are some people who you know who this is true for, you know, I'm not going to say there's no fat people who subconsciously subconsciously want you to get fat because they experienced trauma or abuse. Or there's not anything that people who experience trauma and abuse and consciously wanting to get fat, or, or stay fat or become fatter, or whatever it is. But there's a big word on that note, on that big note on that word. Some there are some people but it's not. I don't think it's often the reality for most fat people. Being fat is super complex. And what we know that is that being poor being black, indigenous person of color, not having access to health care, genetics, living in food deserts, being overworked, experiencing stress, and a massive thing experiencing stigma, massive thing they're exploring stigma are reasons why some people have a higher likelihood of being fat or are fat. Basically, it's a social justice issue. And that also includes experiencing trauma like trauma, and the way that we deal with it as a society is a social justice issue. And as well, I would acknowledge there are benefits to being fat. Like, whoa, of course, there's benefits to being fat. Being fat is amazing. We talk about the horrors of being fat and and, you know, the way that I'm reading that passage is kind of I know, there might be a a note of do you actually like it? Because if you like it, that's kind of weird. There might be a note of that. I don't know. I don't know. Obviously, you know, things can be misconstrued but, you know, Are there benefits to being fat? Fuck yeah, there are benefits because I think being fat is awesome. So for example, for me, it feels like I'm in some cool club, like a secret society. It's not so secret. But I'm like, I'm in this group of people. Other awesome fatties and especially being in Vancouver where there's like three fat people, whenever I see a fat person, that's hyperbole. Whenever I see a fat person on the street, it's kind of like I feel like, Oh, hey, you know, I'm not like, Oh, hey, because they're probably like, what the fuck go away. Now I'm like, Oh, there's another one of us. Because it's, you know, this, this height, it's very kind of, there's also straight sides, people here. Also, I see my body as a dickhead screening device. So if someone doesn't like me because of my size, and that's great that I don't accidentally have to have them in my life. Like if I was a straight size person, I don't have this. I could end up being friends with or dating someone even worse, that is fat phobic. And I have not discovered that because they're dating me because I'm straight size. And he's only if you know, I happen to become fat or, you know, their views on fatness comes out or something. I don't know that I'm like, Oh, shit, I fall in love with a fat five. Whereas it's less likely that it's going to happen because fat five might not want to date me. Yeah, probably not. Who knows? They might do because they secretly love at BMO. And something I want to go back to is in that book, I said, Oh, hey, I'm going to make a note on this, you know this bit. So in the book, it says otherwise, he says, If you recognize yourself in one of these stories, it's tiny, we explored the benefits of being fat, and the ways in which you rely on your fat to protect you. Otherwise, you may continue to sabotage yourself when it comes to developing healthier habits. So that that line kind of stood out to me because it's kind of it feels like it's correlating. It's saying that you have a choice to be fat, and that if you subconsciously want to be fat, you're maybe what it's saying is if you're if you subconsciously want to be fat, you're not going to engage in behaviors that are health promoting. Because you maybe because you believe that if you engage in behaviors that are health promoting, like reducing your stress, or dismantling systemic fatphobia, which is I don't think this is this is not what Linda was saying, here, I think Linda was saying is like, moving your body more because moving your body moving your body is definitely beneficial for your health. So maybe this is what what is saying here is that

Speaker 1

42:43

if you secretly like being fats, you are not going to move your body as much, which is kind of problematic, because it's saying it's presuming that you don't already engage in, in, in healthful behaviors, health promoting behaviors. I mean, you could secretly like being fat and be quote, unquote, the healthiest fat person out there, you know, we don't know. So anyway, I just wanted to make a quick note on that. And also something I want to say here is that the idea of being fat wall will mean that you are left alone by creeps. I tell you, I tell you check out any fat person who has any type of following on Instagram, their DMS, you will not be left alone by groups. Anyway, that's anecdotal. But you know, the idea that being fat will protect you and that you're not going to be judged as much is not most people, most people most people's experiences. It is some fat people's experiences for sure. But I don't think that it's most Pat fat people's experiences that you're going to be left alone. And I think maybe the belief that you are going to be left alone, that might just be a belief and not the reality. But the reality, however, is that being fat doesn't stop you from potentially being the victim of a sexual assault. In fact, some studies show it increases the likelihood because sexual assault is not about who you're attracted to sexual assault is about power. And sometimes those with less perceived power in society are the ones who perpetrators target. So I want to share this study for you. I'm going to share the link in the show notes. The study is it's called tipping the scales, effects of gender rape, myth acceptance, and anti fat attitudes on judgments of sexual coercion scenarios. Okay, so I'm just gonna read the blurb from this. They use Oh words here. And so anytime they use Oh words, I'm just going to change it for the word fat. Okay. So this is from the study damaging belief exists that to become a victim of sexual violence victims must be deemed sexually desirable. As a result, sexual violations were the victims are individuals whom society may deem as less attractive, such as fat women may elicit less empathy for the victim or minimize the likelihood that they are believed. Yeah, there is some evidence that fat women actually report higher rates of sexual violence than women of other weight categories. Although there has been some research implicating weight biases in sexual assault cases. This has not been extended to cases of sexual coercion despite their growing share of police reports. A sample of 198 participants were recruited from Canada via social media rackets and equals 82. And through a mid sized University in Ontario, Canada, brackets N equals 86. Using a mock jury paradigm, participants responded to a vignette depicting the sexual coercion of a thin or fat woman. participants reported their opinions on the sexual coercion scenario and prejudicial attitudes using two standardized scales. Men reported greater rape myth acceptance Antifa attitudes and victim responsibility and endorsed significantly more perpetrator mitigating factors and expressed more negative effect towards the victim. Participants in the fact condition also expressed greater perpetrator sympathy, greater perpetrator mitigation and less negative effect but towards the perpetrator. These results suggest that fat women may face additional barriers when reporting their experience of sexual coercion, particularly to men. So, you know, I was just thinking about that, you know, how people who don't understand about what sexual assault is what we know it, how it's about power, it's not about attractiveness. often struggle to believe when a fat person experiences that, like you remember, who was the rapper, who was, uh, there was a rapper, like, two years ago. And he had sex with a woman and she was a, I think she was she was like, super fat.

Speaker 1

47:37

She was she was, she was very fat. I think she, you know, kind of super fat size. And this woman was on TV and said after it was Asha. I might be wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm 90% Sure, sure, after having sexual Usher. She contracted herpes. And so she was suing him for that. And the media coverage was all we we can't believe that someone like usher who we have decided in society is attractive, and rich, and has power and all that type of stuff. would have sex with someone like her and as well she was black. She was black supersize woman. Why would he? You know, do that? Because she we've decided and society is unappealing isn't attractive, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then people being like, Oh, my God, she is like a chubby chaser. There's something wrong with him. So, yeah. So in conclusion, yes, it is a reality for some fat people that they want to be fat consciously or unconsciously. And what's wrong with that? You know, what is wrong with that, because, you know, nothing, there's nothing wrong with being fat. And so some people may recognize this as a trait about them and decide that they want to work on the underlying issues. Or they may realize that the way that they're, they're coping with what's going on with them is working for them, you know, being fat is working for them. And, you know, we'll see alternative, you know, not be fat, you know, the alternative is deciding, okay, I'm gonna work on any trauma that I have. And, you know, people that might not be accessible for some people to be able to do that. And it might not even be an issue. Someone might, unconsciously subconsciously want to be fat and, you know, whatever, you know, that might work for them. And we want to move away from stereotyping, fat people, and pathologizing fatness Okay, so maybe fat people are fat because then that that is a natural way to have a body fat bodies or just normal, straight sized bodies or just normal, tall people, short people, different skin colors, different gender expressions, maybe that's just normal is kind of a rhetorical question. It is not just what humans look like, right and so why do we have to you know, why do we have to pathologize it and be like, you know, we're not doing this about you know, tall people we're not being like, you know, maybe they maybe they really want to be told because this or that or whatever people just tall or short or whatever that you know leave us alone blind. Okay, so I hope that was helpful. And thank you for hanging out with me today. And it's five six I swear this video like check in on the video from time to time to make sure it's still going this is a webcam I swear to move any another webcam whatever. Wow. Okay, well thanks for hanging out with me today. Remember to remember to stay a fee is a fatty and I will see you later. Crocodile. Okay, bye Thanks for listening to the episode and if you feel ready to get serious about this work and want to know when the doors open to fears fattier Academy which is my signature program, where I teach all about how to overcome your fat phobic beliefs and learn to love your fat body, then go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist again, that is phase fatty.com. Forward slash waitlist to get your name on the waitlist. For when first Matty Academy my signature program opens

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