do this with my body, and people being like, this is what your body's supposed to look like, and this is how you're supposed to dress. And like the culture being like, this is what a woman looks like. This is what a man looks like, and me being like, but I'm not either of those things, and it's the process of stripping away the presence of absence. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not this. That's the spiritual journey, that's the trans journey, that's the transition out of the Age of Pisces and fucking organized religion into the Age of Aquarius. And like, we don't know, but it's not this. But actually, there is a framework, because time is a cycle. You have to just go all the way back. You have to just go far enough back. And this is how the Irish paganism connects. And this is why I've been searching for my origins. Like I was wondering for a while, is this just a Wounded Child part that, like, still wants my dad to like, think my drawings are good and like, love me. And is that the only reason I'm trying to like, live in Ireland? And should I stop doing that and then realizing, no, there's actually a great truth in this that my bones have been searching for, which is that part of the fucking story was missing, and it's because you just have to go further back to before there was writing. And this is why writing has felt like a trap. And this is why I have been like, I don't want to write anymore. Is because we have to go back to before there was recorded language. We have to go back to rehabilitate the feeling function, to get into the time when we got into our emotions, it got into our bodies before we wrote shit down. And this is, oh my god in Egypt. I got the vision in the Great Pyramid when we had the darkness and the silence when we weren't toning, when we weren't making sound, when we just sat in the silence in the dark. I saw a vision of Sean Connery from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, saying, I wrote it down in my diary so I wouldn't have to remember. And isn't that the fucking trick of everything? We started writing shit down so we wouldn't have to remember. And if you don't use a muscle at atrophies, let me tell you about that. When you break your pelvis and you lay in bed for six months and then your legs don't work anymore. You have to learn how to walk all over again, and your mom has to help you when you're 40, to put your fucking pants on and wipe your ass. And it's humiliating, but it's also like really liberating and beautiful, because we experienced each other dying before it even happened, because time is a circle, because healing is a spiral, and it's never over. You just come back to different parts of it at different levels and work through another layer of the onion and oh, my god, am I here again? Yeah, yes, that's how it works. Over here. Are we here as a society again, where we have to fucking remember how to like, share and play nice with each other? Yeah, we do. Are we here again? Is this society where we have to remember that? Like if we write everything down, we don't fucking remember anything, or if we rely on measurement and studies, just like yesterday, Laura was saying, you don't you can convey the information without doing a research study that is boring and you don't even want to do it anyways, this is how we remember as a people go back to before we fucking recorded everything, and get into the body and get into the feeling, and get into The somaticism, and get into the imagination, just like young was tapping into but this is transvergence. Then we bring in our scientific tools, because also we have those things now, and we can hold two seemingly contradictory things at once. In fact, we have to. Otherwise, we're gonna fucking die. And, I mean, that's gonna happen anyways, but, like otherwise, this whole civilization is gonna totally collapse, and maybe that's what happens anyways, but we could at least try. And this was the download I got on top of the noun when I went and stayed at the Theosophical monastery in California a month before I broke my pelvis, and I sat with some mushrooms, and I saw a whole world appear before my eyes. After I spent the whole night thinking I was going to die and that it was all on me to keep the fire burning, the message that the guides told me was we have to help each other stay alive a little bit longer, until the others get here and we can put the fire out. And I saw a vision of ships coming in the sky, but they were like galleons sailing. And it was basically like, we have to redo colonialism and, like, start over and tear down these foundations. And then I saw a vision on the hillside of all of us, like, go recreating, like the it was like, we went all back through all of human history. I'm crying right now because it was so beautiful. I like, watched all of human civilization replay itself again. And it's like, yeah, we have to do it again. We just have to keep doing it again. We get better at it every time. And so can we go back now and learn from the ancient ways before we wrote everything down, but bring our new tools of observation. And the tools of observation include the human body, and this is what Terence McKenna talks about. Our body, the human being is maybe the key to the unfolding of the new dimension is the singularity, because we are a technology, not that's all, not because we're chosen, not because we're special, not because we're God, but also like because we are, because everything is, because everything's a correspondent, but we're just the most highly tuned precision instrument that's ever been created to observe all of the different things happening on Earth. And the more we develop our tools, the more we can observe all these things at once. And it speeds up and it speeds up. And this is why AI is helping, because now there's so much information that we can't process it with our instrument, but we can observe it. And that's the key. Is someone has to observe it. That's the key to trauma healing. That's the key to awakening observation. And this is why the observatory and our bodies are altars, and we build altars to bring the spiritual into the material material culture. There's a reason I studied anthropology, even though I wanted to be an artist, because I had to learn this shit first, and now I can go back and do a creative research practice that fuses both together. I feel like I'm going to explode, but I'm also really calm. We build altars because they bring the material into the spiritual and the spiritual into the material. They are the intermediaries between the worlds, and this is why I need to go to Peru and sit with watuma and learn from the people about building the altars I've wrote Laurel and I haven't heard that. Actually, I should reach out to Ladybug, speaking of the Theosophical monastery. She lives there, and she works with Huachuma, okay? And that's part of the five year plan. But first I need my Irish foundations, because I need to, like, keep myself from flying off the planet, and I need to keep exploring my trans identity, which is why it's not Ireland or Germany. It's Germany and Ireland in each other, and this is why, when I was walking around town listening to Young's autobiography The other day, things were unfolding synchronistically, in a way that actually, like terrified me, but it was also really exciting, where I discovered the collective of Irish artists who had a fake wake that was basically a funeral feast, which is basically the exact type of event that I want to bring to life for my community on my birthday. And they had all these flyers about it, and we're just giving them away that were like, Who wants these? And then they told me about this, about the Irish embassy that always does art exhibits, and I went and looked it up. And this weekend, I'm going to Bridget's fest. Bridget is the priest, just basically the the saint, the Christian mystic associated with the Amanita muscaria tradition, like she basically is aminita personified. Like you can't make this shit up. What does it mean? I think it just means you don't have to choose, but you do also have to make some decisions. So I'm going to try to apply for citizenship in Ireland, but also apply for like grants and residencies and funding opportunities in Berlin, because things can be both things, in fact, they have to be.