Is interracial sex better than sex with someone within your own ethnic group?: Otter Voice Meeting Notes

Is interracial sex better than sex with someone within your own ethnic group?

Sasha Graham32min

Unknown Speaker

00:00

Now Hello How

Unknown Speaker

00:00

are you, I'm good. How are you doing,

Speaker 1

00:02

I am doing good today it was 52 degrees today in New Jersey and honey, I got out of this house you hear me, I was so excited. out you would have thought that we were in summer the way I was back then I put my shades on music blast and I was driving up the highway wasn't going anywhere but to Nordstrom Rack, but I didn't care. I was out there like look like it was summer, summer, summer time. Yeah Cabin Fever for yeah

Speaker 2

00:38

you know I didn't know it was that warm, you know, so he so here I come. I'm like the polar opposite right, I go out and I'm looking like an Eskimo okay like all but yes okay with my version of the of the the ANS like I had like, like ready for a blizzard I was like maybe

Speaker 1

00:58

20 degrees like you don't know what you're gonna get when you go up and do it

Unknown Speaker

01:02

right, but it was really beautiful out though,

Speaker 1

01:05

so he went and it got me to thinking about this frame, and I'm like come on spring to point these doubts right, I just want spring to just bust through right. And I'm thinking, cuz I want to be social like I just started thinking about dating again and I you know it's like, you know, I. That's like saying myself is is hard, right. And it doesn't have to be like I know I joke and talk about my family benefits and everything and we haven't seen each other in a long time nor do I want to see him. It just got really comfortable like he started going in my refrigerator and stuff. And then he wrote by my house one day he saw a moving truck outside and he called me he's like you move and I'm like okay this, we gotta stop

Unknown Speaker

01:55

it. So that's called stalker

Speaker 1

01:57

spying on you and I was like I gotta let you go, you know. But anyway, so when I, you know, decided I wasn't gonna mess around with him anymore. You know, I started thinking, Okay, I gotta start dating like I kind of started taking it seriously I really am dating is like when you're single, it's like really a job, right, it really is like you really have to invest time and effort into it, like I know what people say you know what's meant for you is going to come to you. And I believe that that but it's not gonna come to me if I'm sitting in my house or Uber Eats, you know, watching Netflix, I gotta get out there, I gotta, you know, find myself doing the things that I love so that love can find me right. So, I'm going to extend myself, I can't do that while it's winter. I can't do that when the snow well. I want to be in my, I'd be in here in this house and my onesy and my flannels are unattractive with no bra, half the time, you know, my hair is braided up and Platts and I just you know I just don't feel, you know desired or desirable and I had to get out. Yeah, and the weather is really a huge,

Unknown Speaker

03:18

you know, Tyson.

Unknown Speaker

03:20

Yeah,

Speaker 2

03:23

yeah, yeah, no, today I saw some guy out with like a T shirt shorts and slippers I was like wow he's really embracing the day.

Speaker 1

03:32

Like, when you've been dealing with all of this no and unnecessary. You know, I mean we've had storms snow storms rain storms you got everything in New Jersey in the last couple of months I'm like, Yeah, I think, if it. If it turns 60, I may just go out with crop tops I'm telling the biker shorts and some prop times because cited for the weather change and plus though, the sun makes a major difference in your mood, you know, just being out there and you know saying to myself like. But the thing that I thought about when I was thinking about dating is like, I've been so restricted. And I don't know if you remember this, but I know we talked about it, about dating someone who you know that's not my norm, you know, that are outside of what I consider what my type is that type. I can't say okay if he dorscon ball head, you know that, you know, got a little muscle or belly or whatever, like, and he's got to be taller than me. I got tight. Right. And it's just like, that's my type. I don't care like I don't deviate from it, but I'm like talking to somebody else a couple weeks ago and they're like yeah you know the key for you is to step outside of your comfort zone and outside of your time, right. So the first thing I thought was like, Okay, so does that mean somebody outside my race. Well, you know, or does that mean that instead of getting a tall man I need to look at short man, like what like what are you saying like outside of my physical type or outside of my characteristics like you know what, what do you mean like and I started suppressor but I'm nice like You know what, I don't want to come across as like you know that type of chick that's like, you know, thirsty for information but, you know, I do know that I do have a type that I go for business.

Speaker 2

05:39

So with that said, Today we are discussing whether interracial sex is actually better than sex with someone of your own ethnic group or race

Unknown Speaker

05:49

me.

Unknown Speaker

05:50

Yes. Yeah, that's exciting for me. So,

Speaker 2

05:55

yeah, so so this is a thing, right. So, are you really turned on and excited by the idea of sex with someone who you consider to have body odor on attractive from another ethnic race, excuse me another ethnic group, chances are you know right.

Speaker 1

06:12

Oh, I don't know, I mean, no body odor is in any ethnicity is not attractive female, male, you know,

Unknown Speaker

06:26

whatever your ethnic background or acceptable rate is not

Speaker 1

06:29

acceptable. I mean, come on, like once again we, again we talked about this. I had an issue with min mesmo good, so if you come smelling like you took a whole shower. And you spray something on yourself or you put the little what you own yourself. I'm telling you right then I'm, I'm ready ready to pull you back. But don't take much for me I mean it's

Speaker 2

06:57

like the the opposite of that it drives me batty when I can. I walk by a guy and then his, the Cologne is like choking me it's just like, yeah, it's like did you really have to od like was that necessary.

Speaker 1

07:12

Well I think those are the men that are actually trying to cover stuff up like I feel like those men that do the most when it comes to, like, I mean, and it's usually the guys that were like Pierre kardan are like,

Unknown Speaker

07:30

are you taking me back now.

Speaker 1

07:32

Are you listening gray flannel used to be my stuff back in the day, but it's usually those guys that are wearing like you know those, you know, those sets that are no longer on the market. You know that will overload, or you know, I think they trying to. I guess they're trying to use that as their way in but at the end of the day, like if I can't breathe. It's an issue right took me a visit issue there, but like I was thinking like the more long like this sexual stereotypes like so for me. You know when I think about it like dating someone outside, you know, of my ethnicity or my race. You know I think about all the stereotypes that have been set out around sex and it's like always black men have larger payments. And, and, and then that was basically kind of stereotype from, you know, even pre slavery, when it was like they were considered Mandingo so to speak. You know, black women know are more freakier people in the bathroom. This is, I mean these are stereotypes that are actually real believers. And this comes from them being stereotyped as just about, you know, obviously doing slavery as well. And then some, some people have actually told me Hispanic women are projects

Unknown Speaker

09:00

that black woman has better vajayjay Hispanic women

Unknown Speaker

09:04

have wetter vajayjay.

Unknown Speaker

09:06

Oh, I've never heard that one before.

Speaker 1

09:08

Yeah, and then someone told me that Hispanic men are more romantic in that way. Um, and then there's an all time favorite of mind which I'm waiting to find out if this is true or not bad Caucasian men are better at oral sex. Right. Um, and then there's the Asian women, who, you know, they refer to them as the lotus blossom and saying that they're submissive, and basically willing to do anything in the bedroom to please their partner. So basically what's happening is that they put all these stereotypes, on, on sex, based on ethnicity, which actually begins to create what I call what I consider a fetish of fetishism. So, now you fed it men have a fetish for, you know, black men because you think that black men are all, you know, hung like a horse, you know I'm saying, now you have a black, you now have a fetish for a black woman woman because you feel like she's exotic or, and she's freaky in the bedroom, let you do something that maybe you know your own race won't like you do and I think that when you begin to reduce human beings characteristics, and you often begin to stereotype. You know, and based on ethnicity culture, you're beginning to objectify people, you know, to fulfill your own personal wishes and expectations for how you expect them to look or behave. So you begin to, you know, because you go based off of these stereotypes you expect them to live up to that so I'm thinking if you know if I decide one day, you know, this is just me. To date, a Caucasian man, he's gonna look at me and think, oh well I heard what they said about black woman, you know, like once you go black you know go back.

Unknown Speaker

11:03

It was exactly right.

Unknown Speaker

11:09

sexual encounter might cause them to want to go back. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker

11:13

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker

11:15

Yeah, no, no, you're

Speaker 2

11:16

right you know and you know I've dated, I like to say I've dated around the world I mean I've dated so many different ethnic makeups and I don't think that it's um, whether I think ultimately like sex is better with whoever you're into, because I think that when you're into that person you're really digging them it's kind of like, can they do any wrong I mean for a hot minute maybe no, you know, or maybe yes, but it's like I think if you're digging the person and you're digging them and it, I don't know that it has anything to do necessarily with, you know, their ethnic makeup per se, and and as you said there's so many stereotypes because just because a guy is Black doesn't mean that you know that that he's Mandingo or that he lives up to that test,

Unknown Speaker

12:00

I can testify to.

Unknown Speaker

12:04

Right. You know, and

Unknown Speaker

12:08

always true.

Speaker 2

12:09

Right. And also I was reading like I was reading that that a stereotype is that that Hispanic men are like are well endowed right or that they're good in bed and I'm like well that's not necessarily true, that's not

Speaker 1

12:23

necessarily true either because at one day I'll tell you the story about my, my first encounter which lasted about 28 days when they will cover that story for the masses but he was Hispanic and listen.

Unknown Speaker

12:46

Listen to me.

Speaker 1

12:49

When I was done with him. I was just like, I don't even want to be another Hispanic man because, oh dance that that might happen again. When I tell you, miniscule.

Unknown Speaker

13:02

Daddy, yeah.

Unknown Speaker

13:05

I was just like,

Unknown Speaker

13:07

going like, yeah,

Unknown Speaker

13:09

yeah I can completely relate to that.

Speaker 1

13:11

Yeah, but I just, and I, again I am I've had very limited experience with outside of my ethnicity, you know, and so I don't really know. You know what it's like. But the thing is I do want to be a little bit, because I feel like by me saying that I only want to be physically intimate with somebody that's black because I'm black, or I want to only want to date somebody that's black because I'm black, it kind of limits me, you know I'm saying, totally total in this whole dating process and, you know, learning, who I want to date, you know me saying to myself, well, you know, I only have what if there's like 50 men on my own site that I'm on. And you know, 20 of them that liked me or are Asian and you know, you know, 30 of them are black, um, I mean, chances are, 10 of the black ones are married. At the end of the day I'm really limited my choices. But I don't want to choose someone based off of what you know the stereotype says about them in the bedroom, you know cuz I wouldn't date, you know, I wouldn't even consider dating an Asian man because they say they don't have anything to work with.

Unknown Speaker

14:36

That's not true.

Speaker 2

14:40

That's not true. You know, um, So, you know, I was in, I was involved. I dated Jewish guy, some time back and, I mean, like the size was fine I no complaints there you know. But um, but but you know what, and I think that when you date outside of your ethnic group I think that you have to be willing to make concessions and and really want to know and understand and learn the culture of someone else and be sensitive to that. Yeah,

Speaker 1

15:11

and that's the thing like, like if by data Caucasian man and he wants to spank me like am I gonna start thinking like slavery master damn

Unknown Speaker

15:23

mentally I'm

Speaker 1

15:23

like am I gonna go, I don't know, like, I don't know, mentally, am I gonna not, you know, be so judgmental and I'm saying, Well,

Speaker 2

15:36

I mean, that depends I think that if you were somebody probably who was into spanking you you'd welcome it but if you're not that you probably have more more reservation. For one, no. So, so the Jewish guy right like what really turned to me he's really good looking man. But what really turned me off about him was at one time. It was summertime we were out and I was dressed in white, and I was getting like a lot of compliments right. So he's when we leave the restaurant he says to me, he's like yeah yeah cuz you do look good and why cuz black people's look couldn't wait I was like he

Unknown Speaker

16:14

was like you know what, I'm so

Unknown Speaker

16:15

done with you like.

Unknown Speaker

16:20

I'm like, wow, like,

Unknown Speaker

16:22

Okay,

Unknown Speaker

16:23

I'm good. You know, so it's like,

Speaker 1

16:27

I think, And that's the thing like you say something. You know what, that triggers me, you know, or makes me think that you know you don't you're not sensitive to, you know, my ethnicity or my culture or my background, it's like, then I start to feel like, you know, why are you with me.

Unknown Speaker

16:48

Yes, it's more of an experience for you. Yeah, and I

Speaker 1

16:51

don't want I don't want somebody to just be with me because you've always wanted to be with a black woman like, what happens when you take me home to see your cousin's or your mom or go to your friend's house for dinner, like, yeah, like Sidney Poitier and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner like

Unknown Speaker

17:07

I say that's a great movie though.

Speaker 1

17:11

You know, for me, I want to be more open, and the first thing the two things that I worry about is what is it going to be like sexually, right, um, you know is the sex going to be comparable to what I'm used to, you know, I remember joking with my boss one time and he was like, Yeah, well, we were talking about getting and I'm like yeah I'm dating an Asian man and he was like you guys aren't made for each other. Yeah, and he made this statement and I'm like, What do you mean we're not made for each other. I, in my mind, I think he's got a famous, and we can make it work right like No, they're not you know they're not now. Are you going around, like in the gym and analyzing Asian men, like, and this is like, why would you say this right you know but then I thought about it I'm like, Are we just not sexually compatible because of how we are, you know, because of our ethnicity.

Speaker 2

18:18

I don't think so, you know, but I do think like like you're saying like with the Sydney, Sydney for a movie like a person could be open and even very receptive to dating of people of other ethnic groups, but then when they bring you home then it's just like well if the family is not receptive to you. I think it's like you have to cut your losses because the last thing you want is somebody who's family making your life

Unknown Speaker

18:44

hell. And just because you don't look like them.

Speaker 1

18:48

That's the thing that's it. You basically you know it's like when you, when you come in and you don't feel like for me this is what I told you know people when they asked me what I did. I'm like, they will have to basically be from a home that was raised, they were raised in a home where there was no prejudice, right, you know where the family was more open to them just being the who they are and loving who they love. Right. And that's the only way I will find it acceptable because if I come to your house and your auntie Karen starts acting a fool. Trust me, I'm act a fool where

Unknown Speaker

19:33

me

Speaker 1

19:36

a call 911. Because you can say something. Oh, you know, and it could be something simple that will offend and I think yeah I think too when you're in those situations. You're your, your are ready on the defensive, right, like, if you go out say you're on a date with somebody, and that's not your ethnic group, or you go somewhere with somebody that's not of your ethnic group, you already thinking or feeling if you feel like self conscious about other people looking at you or judging you or whatever like for me because I'm not used to doing it. I wouldn't know how to handle it. You know I'm saying,

Speaker 2

20:19

No, but you know it but that requires a lot of energy, and you have no control of what anybody thinks I mean, I've been in situations that I've been with a white guy and I've had black men Stand up, stand there and look at me and like, like how

Unknown Speaker

20:31

dare you. That's what I'm just like Joe please come in

Unknown Speaker

20:37

here.

Speaker 1

20:38

I'm not talking about from other like you know Caucasian people I'm talking about the looks in the stairs that I'm going to get from other people have my own ways because they feel like I'm selling out or, um, but then the thing about it is that same guy would look at me stare me down, you know, give me like nasty stares or whatever. But if I was in the bar, and I'm sitting at the bar and that same guy came in, that person would never approach me. You wouldn't approach me to date me. But now you're gonna look at me as if I'm committed some felony because I'm dating somebody who wants to date. Yeah, I agree with you,

Speaker 2

21:18

right, it's like, who said your opinion mattered like who you you know like

Speaker 1

21:22

no way you're throwing hands and that and that's the thing like I don't want to. I don't want to. And then again it's like sometimes like when you're in a relationship with somebody of your own ethnicity, you know, you have these issues too so I think you have to just really look at, like you said, if you're really into the person if you're into the person. If you you like the person if you're feeling the person if you're attracted to the person, then you have to be able to you know put all of the stereotypes and other people's judgments and opinions to yourself and do what's best for you because at the end of the day, you know, nobody can live your life for you, you know,

Speaker 2

22:01

yeah but I will say this okay not all stereotypes, but some really do apply though, like, like Irish guys like like having it small. That's true. Really girl yes but you know but the guy was amazing in bed, though. I was so, so he was able to make up in other ways you know he was able to compensate in other ways,

Speaker 1

22:26

you know he's really sighs like I know people say that it's about sizes. It really takes a partner that wants to please you. Yeah, I think so. And I've had some partners with with birth and online, and may win please me because they were selfish right yeah and and because they were selfish, it was all about them, you know, and they were playing mind games you know in the bedroom but if a partner comes in and just has a little something to work with, you know, and his and his mindset and desire is I want to make sure she gets off, you know, I'm here to make sure she's good, then it doesn't matter because he's gonna do what he had to do. Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 2

23:09

I think so to you I think a mindset is has a lot to do with it. And now, I was involved with an int. So rather than indian guy right. And, and I was just like dude like this is too much this man needs a mother and a secretary, I'm not signing up for it. Yeah, I was like this is too much I was like, Listen, you know I have kids and they were small at the time I was like, and they're my priority, like they're my children I chose to be a parent, like, I will not like go out with you, and like not, you know, do my job I was like No, this is when I'm available this is this is what I can offer you take it or leave it. I was like, Nah,

Unknown Speaker

23:47

I'm good.

Unknown Speaker

23:48

I'm Muslim man

Unknown Speaker

23:56

Baskin Robbins.

Speaker 2

23:57

I've told you that in a previous podcast I have. I do a lot of different ethnic groups you know but then again like, I'm someone who's always love like different cultures like I love Indian food like I you know like I really love learning about other cultures, I think it's really cool to date someone who who's different from you because you know they bring they, they offer a different spin a different blend and gives you an opportunity to learn. You know,

Speaker 1

24:32

that's something I'm learning, I'm, I had the Muslim guy but, you know, I was married my ex Muslim and he, you know, he didn't like certain things because they taught them that certain things weren't acceptable.

Unknown Speaker

24:49

Okay, so he wouldn't he wouldn't deviate from the script.

Speaker 1

24:52

Yeah, that's that's a challenge. Yeah, and then I think as, as years went by I was like, Listen,

Unknown Speaker

25:01

you're not gonna get. Okay.

Unknown Speaker

25:09

Right.

Speaker 1

25:10

I'm doing this right, you know. But yeah, I can say that I've only dated, African American, and Hispanic. Okay, I've tried today Caucasian men, I just, for some reason, um, I think the ones that I'm that attract themselves to me, or that are attracted to me, or like the weird ones, the ones that live in the basement with their mom or Oh, yeah. Now, and it could be too because like I've learned that I'm like a bitch, excuse me, I shouldn't say that but I mean, I've learned now. Recently, like, people can be like, we can have a conversation like guys will hit me up on my on the dating app right. And then one day. The other day I was having a really great conversation with some guy Justin Justin if you're out there, you're a douche right. So, some guy named Justin. And you know, and we're talking about spraying and the weapon embedded into that hole, you know, and I'm not saying you have to have like this wallflower of a conversation but I'm like you should be respectful, because we only. It was our first day talking. Oh, it's just you know and I think I made the mistake of asking him like we were talking about things that we like so I'm like, Okay, what else do you like Justin and Justin's like sex. Oh wow. And so I'm like instantaneously. Okay, blah right yeah I'm not even going to sit here and go through this with you. And that's why I say I'm like a B when it comes to that because like on dating. When I'm dating when dating apps, especially on dating apps like, I gave you, you know I was talking to one guy, and he was talking about we're talking about businesses and jobs and what we do and that other time he was like, Oh, so when are you going to take some time off to jump on a plane and put on a skimpy bikini for me. Oh wow, first conversation.

Unknown Speaker

27:05

Wow, okay.

Speaker 1

27:06

So these are the things like I feel like it's so most of the Caucasian men that come at me. Come at me that way. And I'm like, Are you are you having a fetish moment like you just want to, you just want to have sex with a black guy you're really not trying to do, or get to know a black woman you just want to have sex with him.

Speaker 2

27:26

Yeah, but I'm like people get away with a lot of stuff though that in person they would never

Unknown Speaker

27:32

say that myself really.

Unknown Speaker

27:33

This is where

Speaker 1

27:34

you're going with this like wow. Don't be a douche until like compensation number five, right.

Unknown Speaker

27:41

No, no, it's better that he's a douche on

Speaker 1

27:42

conversation number one because you know what you're dealing with and this is like blocked early for us to be men could get more busy. If you would just give yourself, at least four or five compensations to not sound like a douche. Like, literally, not from me, because really, I'm an overhead and I kind of know the game now. But literally, I you do that out the box, and I'm sitting there, the thing that comes to my mind is like, Do women really fall for this, like, Is there some woman that's gonna lol this, and keep talking to maybe

Unknown Speaker

28:17

depends what she's looking for though,

Unknown Speaker

28:18

think about it though,

Unknown Speaker

28:20

right. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1

28:22

Well maybe that's the thing and so that's what made my stereotypes come in about, you know, other ethnicities because like we don't flow, like we don't have that, you know, we could be having a really great conversation. And you know maybe that's just the way they, they come off, but I, I was like, no, that's not that's not typical I think conversation or sex or dating is the same whether you're black, blue, green, at this point I take an avatar.

Speaker 1

28:52

In fact, before 50 would be great so if he's blue and he has the conversation and he treats me with respect. I could do that, you know, I'm saying But definitely, the ones that are coming at me are just the wrong. They have the wrong mindset. Yeah but,

Speaker 2

29:11

dude, you know it, and there's always bad apples you know so if it's an experience you want to have I think you should pursue it and just see where it takes you but you know you can't judge, based on

Speaker 1

29:23

that. So that's the second time then somebody said to me, based on one that was the case like I be, you know, totally a lesbian by now because. No way, all the men that have just really just like. I'm like, forget it. Yeah, I'm done with you mentor, but I think I still believe in you know the reason that keeps me like really excited about you know dating in the future is that I still believe that there's someone out there that's compatible with me. Right. And so, because I believe that I'm not gonna like give up hope. But at the end of the day, like, it can't really be daunting to sit and listen to people of all different ethnicities and all different backgrounds, and they're all douchebags, you know,

Unknown Speaker

30:09

it's like,

Speaker 1

30:09

Is there any good. You got any more in the back. Have you got any more man in the back. This is all you got for sale. Yeah,

Speaker 2

30:19

the way you're gonna weed out the crowd, I think, um, you know, everything is a lesson in life you know and it's all how we look at it and in a lot of it like unfortunately it's a reflection. Fortunately, or, or unfortunately is a reflection of where we are in our lives at that given moment, you know, so,

Unknown Speaker

30:35

in Israel, it is

Speaker 2

30:38

an opportunity to continue to evolve and work on ourselves as we wrap up this episode I wanted to close it with an article that I came across the title is my first time with a white guy and it's by aureo, Lauren and it was published in Ebony and it says, and I quote I don't know what color my husband will be or what culture, he will be from, but I will say this, it's amazing that I've learned in life when I'm open to more than one possibility I'm no longer limiting my options in love, or in sex.

Unknown Speaker

31:10

Okay. Beautiful. I think that was for me.

Unknown Speaker

31:17

Perhaps,

Speaker 1

31:18

yeah it was just for me. Yeah, and I think that, you know, like I said, you know, all people, all types of people cultures and societies come together. And you know what there is for love for sex you know whatever your reasoning is you know she shouldn't restrict yourself, based on stereotypes of what you know what other people have say, or based on your own perceived stereotypes you know sometimes we have our own stereotypes that we make up in my mind and some of my could be our worst enemy so you know you do have to open yourself up to some more options.

Unknown Speaker

31:56

Yes. And on that note,

Unknown Speaker

31:58

I bid you adieu, I bid you adieu.

00:0000:00