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Walking Bill Through the Bardo Part I | Otter.ai

Walking Bill Through the Bardo Part I

Riordan Regan1h 17min

Kan

00:00

When I get quiet, the one who's afraid to hear them mimicking my dad's voice, nobody wants to hear your story. Holly, nobody wants to hear your story. Of course, my whole life became about telling stories. And of course, this is the story of the trans legacy,

Kan

00:47

the eighth principle, the generative femininity, the Scorpio, the Lilith, the south node that I come from, the sitar of truth, the magic loop, the lyric Orpheus, the musical instrument that only speaks the truth, the fruit of knowledge forbidden. Nobody wants to hear what's really happening. They want to impose their own arc upon it. I i

Kan

01:25

And I spend so much time in preparation, I now realize never actually leaving the way station, never getting to the destination, never actually starting the ceremony, until hours later, because because I'm afraid to hear my story. I'm afraid to let the parts speak. They

Kan

02:00

were trying to communicate something to me in dreams last night that now I can't seem to hold on to. I feel like it was something about preparation packing for some kind of apocalyptic scenario, which could just be a metaphor for going to dad's house, or it could mean the end of the world.

Kan

02:31

Of course, as Jana said, this next phase is all about translation, trans relation.

Kan

02:42

What are the trans parts saying? Who's speaking for them? Things get lost in translation because someone else comes in

Kan

02:59

and imposes their own bias, their own filter, their own prenda, their own altering, capturing device upon that's actually being communicated and it gets trickled through all their information, sensation and experience that has made them who they are, and that changes it. It colors it, it biases it. It makes it an interpretation. Direct experience is the only way you can actually know anything for yourself, otherwise, you're always getting a little bit of residue from somebody else, even when you can't see it. It's what's left behind at the bottom of those ancient cups of cacao and beer and whatever else psychedelic stuff you it leaves a trace, even if you can't see it. So you're never actually getting the truth unless you directly experience it.

Kan

04:21

Trying to describe it as inherently flawed, but that's also why read as many sources as possible, take in as many perspectives as possible, because they're all going to give you something unique that the others can't ever have. I

Kan

04:58

I just saw an image of a broken ankle. Wonder what that means. I've started to like this image game. It's fun to translate, and it's a lot easier with chat GPT,

Kan

05:18

I'm learning to speak archetypally. I picture, words, music, oracles, body portals, that part's harder, but we're learning we're learn the ship. People are the translators. Translation is important. If I'm going to join this medical system, I need to get better at my Spanish.

Kan

05:59

I'm starting to feel like Berlin's a distraction and they should just go to South America,

Unknown Speaker

06:08

this freaking health insurance.

Kan

06:16

Always, the freaking health insurance stands in a way selling, I think it's because of somebody so diametrically opposed to, on principle, selling the protection for your body to somebody else to pay for the provision of care that I don't even want to take if I need it, quote, unquote, need it. Obviously, you know, I want to take it if I desperately need it, like when I broke my pelvis. But even then, I don't know. It's hard to say, honestly, I think nine times out of 10 I'd rather be in the jungle. Why not get citizenship? I

Kan

08:07

The way my body smells right now is like a baby. It's not that necessarily. It was weird. I guess a little baby. Part of me is coming out right now,

Kan

08:28

the one who can't quite take care of themselves. Joy. Love this one. That's why I need to look at it. Something in me that's almost judging myself for not being able to take care of myself. They were talking about this on the sibling rivalry episode of this yangian life, but like I'm the oldest, I don't think I would have been capable of having that kind of judgment about myself when I was that little, but maybe I got it from my dad. Seems like something you would project on to me. Why can't you take care of yourself already? Honestly, I think he was more like my big brother than my father. Everyone competing for mom's attention. And

Kan

09:19

yeah, this is feeling resonant, and there's a pattern playing itself out over my lifetime, father, brother, lover figures. Oh, hello, Oedipus,

Kan

09:41

competing for the love of my mother. Yeah, yeah. He was like a big overgrown kid, so he looked at me like sibling. He threatened his relationship with the mother. I

Kan

10:04

know he'd pedestaled. He already wanted me gone, and then when Callum came on, I'll just do the Irish Catholic thing, let the other kid take care of them. They're only there as backup,

Kan

10:25

as surplus, as insurance. That's interesting. Children themselves are health insurance. This is the legacy of Protestant quote, unquote, ethics, so unethical. And seeing an octopus and seeing myself turn into a Medusa, almost, but no, not Medusa, because that would be on top of the head. This is on the bottom. This is an octopus with a million legs. It's like an octopus, an auroboros on the bottom, legs swirling infinitely, but like deeply layered, almost like a an octopus trifle with the legs all connected like an Ouroboros. Oh, there's some tentacles popping out now. So this is fucking weird. This is some kind of mythic creature. Wonder what it means. This is the legacy of the Protestant. Unethic. Have kids as insurance, protection for your legacy, for your name, for the word you put on yourself. How observed?

Kan

12:13

Yeah, they were talking about this on that episode. Now I see a knife twisting, twisting, just twisting, spinning around, yeah, that twists the knife because your parents don't even actually care about you. They're just having you so that someone else can inherit their stuff, their material, their property, things that aren't even I was gonna say living, but I don't actually believe that's true. I think everything's got a soul.

Kan

12:57

I don't know it's not the same property in a child.

Kan

13:05

The Property Management cared more about empty space on his own kids, that's Botan. Yeah, an empty space as that stranger article was, like, really prophetic. I gotta find it again, the empty space of late stage capitalism, like the ultimate phase, is empty space, a monument to money, built for no one, nobody in it. That article is fucking brilliant.

Unknown Speaker

13:46

I wish I didn't.

Kan

13:49

Says the ego, says the journalist who doesn't get to tell stories anymore. I'm sorry. You can. You just have to find a new medium. I you.

Kan

14:06

And seeing a mushroom Emboss, now that embossing is a theme keeps popping up, but it looks like it's embossed on the coffin the mushroom in the cross. Fact, there's so many books I need to read, and I do really love it, and you want to make time for it. I think I just gotta get a bunch of stuff to bring to the rainforest. I

Kan

14:47

I just saw a white dude in this suit who looks like Alan Rickman from Die Hard like laughing maniacally.

Kan

15:01

He fell off a building in that movie, just like Bill, only he was pushed. But I guess you could say Bill was too by the system CIS Tim capitalism that taught him and others in our village that stuff, an empty space, was more important than human beings,

Kan

15:41

people who didn't want to hear what we were saying,

Kan

15:50

parents who weren't even there to pay attention, the latchkey generation. I

Kan

16:04

It is an interesting time that we were growing up, the latchkey kids who spent a lot of time in empty spaces without devices to fill them. And it's funny, isn't it, I've been doing this my whole life. The only device I had

Kan

16:21

was a talk boy, and I copied Kevin McAllister in home alone, and I brought it everywhere with me, and I recorded radio shows, fuck

Kan

16:35

Emily Schachter and I recorded radio shows. That's what the tapes of life were. The tapes of life. Oh, my God. Oh my god. I was doing it when I was a kid. The last DJ broadcasting at the end of the world. I was doing it since I was a little child, and we called it the tapes of life, and speaking into the recorder was the thing that kept us sane in our empty spaces, when our parents were getting divorced, when we were living in this rich house, stupid place where people only cared about materialism and we didn't fit the image and we weren't cool. We didn't have the clothes, we didn't have the stuff that they did, didn't have the privilege.

Kan

17:26

So we spoke into the tape because we had the word in three ik today, the Divine breath. Sakik Mark really doesn't seem to like threes. He always talks about them being unstable, but, okay, they may not form a perfect table, but I just got an image. Daddy used to have all these tables from the 1950s that were perfectly stable. They just need a triangle. Folks, you don't need four to make a table, to make something stable, you just need a triangle like an A Better Living Through geometry.

Kan

18:18

Euclid just popped into my head. I need to go look that up again. I don't remember what it means, but I think it's about sacred angles, and that's what the Zodiac is, and that's what astrology is, sacred angles,

Unknown Speaker

18:34

aspects. There's so much to learn.

Kan

18:40

How do you make space for all the taking inner things, as well as the creation and the organization? Fuck? There's just not enough time in the day that time isn't real anyway. So come slow down, explode to that climb inside and find the time for everything you

Kan

19:12

because I can get the concepts this way, but then I need the depth of the research, the creative part. Okay, well, so this is a refinement of the process and the methodology, the channeling and the opening gives me the leads, and then it's up to me to follow through on the research. Well, it's all me. Then it's up to the librarian, the researcher, the anthropologist, to follow up on those. I took all the other different parts to follow up on those in different ways, I guess, art, performance, research, ethnography, anthropology, we're all telling this story, and it's not just mine. It definitely doesn't just want to holler because she's not even alive anymore on this town, because we helped her cross over, and we put her on the funeral pirate nest, and we watched her become ether, Ash, dust, air, all the elements washed away by the water, dissolving into the ground again, becoming nothing, nobody.

Kan

20:55

So what's the story that only comes out in the darkness? Today, I found my altar distraction. I mean, it was beautiful and it was grounding, and I think I had to start off by gazing at it in devotion, but then I had to blow the candles out because I needed to listen in the darkness

Kan

21:25

and cover my head with a blanket go in a cave. I

Kan

21:35

to hear what the heart has to say. I mean, this was all in the reading from Bill's passing.

Kan

21:49

We were part of a much larger contract. It wasn't just between him and I. We were part of a covenant, a coven of witches that all got persecuted, a bunch of alchemists her medicines, who had to keep the secrets, the sacred, protective and from those who would miss, translate it and twist it to use it to get power over People, instead of enlightenment, the light of inner knowing, the the coming domineering power wielding That was never the way it was supposed to be. I

Kan

22:57

There is no actual hierarchy in nature. That's a human interpretation. There's just things turning into other things, and some things are more capable of consuming more things than others. But this doesn't make them better. It doesn't make them an apex predator. There's no such concept in nature that's our own filter. Nature doesn't view anything as better than another. This is queer ecology known no hierarchy,

Kan

23:39

and even alchemy like nothing's really baser. This is different. I think we've got even alchemy twisted. And I think the real hermetic remix is that nothing's alpha, nothing's base, nothing's prima, nothing's Wait, nothing's alpha, nothing's beta, nothing's prima, nothing's base, it's all just material

Kan

24:09

things that turn into other things and can become something else. Doesn't mean they're better. It's like Cal was saying yesterday, like

Kan

24:23

karma is just a consequence. That doesn't mean you're being punished. It doesn't mean you're something, quote, unquote, worse. Now, if you started as a human encounter,

Kan

24:33

Petros, gammas, my God, I'm seeing the wedding of stone. Oh, the wedding of earth and heaven, the stone and the ether. I Aquarius and Taurus. Wait, that's my shit. The Collective is leaving Pisces for Aquarius, but what I feel like Taurus is playing a major role in these transits, though, too, and it's not just me personally. I

Kan

25:32

Hmm.

Kan

25:44

So if there is a quote, unquote, new spiritual path that's been called forth in this trisana, then mine's about translation. So of course, everything revolves around learning languages, German and Spanish, as I go to the place to learn the ultimate language of the plants. I'm already learning the language of the plants, of the earth, of the archetypes, and really learning the archetypal language, which is image. And I think maybe this is where devising comes in, except I'm trying to feel into if I really meant to go to that workshop, or if it's just a distraction.

Kan

26:44

I think devising is a form of listening in this related and it's probably been sticking in my craw for a reason.

Kan

27:05

I drew the blind shot and covered my head with a blanket. It's almost Solstice, and the light is becoming unbearable. It's too much. I need more darkness so I can see better, so I can hear myself think better. I

Kan

27:46

I just saw a picture of a barbecue grill, and I heard the word bench, chairs. Sometimes. I don't know if these things are actually relevant, or if entities out there are just shouting things. That's kind of

Unknown Speaker

28:00

what that felt like

Kan

28:03

some plant or spirit or someone out there was like bench chairs. That's funny. I don't think that one was relevant. That's cool, though, that I'm learning to discern that. Thank you for your contribution. That was cute. Okay, there was something we were on to with that stranger article, in the empty space. The empty space can be everything and it can be nothing. And when you got a parent that cares more about empty space than their own kids, that's a problem, and it's all about space, and that's what borders are. Right? Is these really arbitrary claims on what once was empty space now densely populated.

Kan

29:06

I feel like my defenses are finally coming down now, but I think it's gonna be ours and doll Jess leaves, and I have to whisper. I don't like that. I don't like not being able to speak my words out loud. I

Speaker 1

29:35

it's interesting that I'm it's like the two most important parts of my practice are really engaging with the senses and the physical and the altar and the material culture, and then, like, completely shutting all those out. Going into total darkness with medicine and using the words and ones like silently gazing at the images and the other ones using the words in the darkness. That's really interesting.

Kan

30:13

That is almost like the perfect yin yang balance, like the active gaze, but silent and feeling and seeing the physical objects paired with the sensory, immersive exhibit, there's sound and music and harder to get your bearings, or maybe equally isolated. I

Kan

30:57

and one is all about blocking all the senses out and just listening into the darkness, looking at the million eyes of Aya and cacao, unblinking, repeated blinking, because it's glittering like a diamond, but it also kind of looks like Done, done beetle, the carrier of the sun, into the other world.

Kan

31:30

This is the time when that little fucker starts running away. The days get longer and longer. Give it a rest, will ya? You?

Kan

31:56

I'm starting to drop into that hypnagogic state, so I think that means something wants to communicate. I

Kan

32:37

That's funny. Part of me really wants to rummage around in my bag or something, and another part is actively stopping them. I'm like watching it happen. That's so interesting. Yeah, I'm really good at distracting. It's that add group. Superpower.

Kan

33:09

I'm trying that part is trying to reach out to someone right now that they don't even know who it is saying, if you want to have a working session, is it just to me, we can have a working session. What do you need to say? You can do right now. You just tell me what medium

Kan

33:32

I'm seeing a tree now working out over the horizon, and like the profile of a FEM bodied person who is part of the tree just gazing out into it. It's very beautiful, and it looks like an etching Now it's kind of moving. Morphine, getting van gory. You

Kan

34:34

now I'm seeing like a female Alchemist or an archeologist measuring crystal fragments that like they're polished. And there's one that looks just like the one that I have this kind of like tortoise shaped but it's purple only. There's this bright green with a yellow band running through it, and a pink one down the middle, like a yellow band is running along the horizontal axis, and a pink one down the middle. What is this amazing crystal? I can't wait until I inevitably find it in real life. It's going to be freaking cool. And they want me to see it, and they're measuring all sides of it, and they're looking at it with, like, a jeweler's, whatever it's called, a jeweler's loop, the little eye thingy. And they are handing it to me, but they've like, heated it up. First they've like, forged it, and then they'll come up with fire, and then they're handing it to me on pinchers, and I'm like, isn't it gonna be hot? And they're shaking their head, no, it's warm, but it's not hot. It's gorgeous. Now I saw two trans looking kids lay on the ground. I can't tell if they're hurt and have been beat up, or if They're just resting. I

Kan

36:30

Hmm, stuff about Bill's Memorial is dropping in now I'm seeing a giant fluffy Kundalini blanket with a picture of him on top of it, with a picture of us with the kids on top. Oh,

Speaker 2

36:48

so that picture of us from high school where we're riding the pony outside the grocery store, the mechanical Horse, horse with the eaters, of course, of course.

Kan

37:01

And I don't want to do it, and I'm making a face. It looks like I'm crying, but like I'm also having fun with it. Kind of do, there's a series of photos and bills making these faces of ecstasy, and I'm just like,

Unknown Speaker

37:20

I don't wanna,

Speaker 1

37:24

isn't that a perfect image of our friendship? Though? That's exactly what the whole thing was. Me sitting on the back of the horse along for the ride, saying, I don't actually wanna. Well, he is loving it, and that Mark was the same way, too. I

Kan

38:15

now I'm cutting up some long cake, or a challah bread or something for a giant fish, huh, some kind of Jesus image, and someone's telling me to make sure there's enough for everybody, and also to make sure I'm documenting it for the blog. That's funny.

Kan

38:50

Apparently we are in the back room in a grocery store, and it just went dead silent out front, everything stopped moving.

Kan

39:04

I guess the solstice is a zenith, isn't it a solar zenith, the day when the sun is the most overhead, burning the brightest, the day of the most lightness, before we mercifully start moving towards the darkness. Except I won't get to be here for it. I'm sad. I

Kan

39:48

There are ways I'd root more if I were staying here, but that's not the life that I'm called to. So I gotta find the way to tortoise it. Now I'm seeing a tortoise shell. I was seeing stuff starting to unfurl. Of like I'd get a co working space. I do this and that, but it's like you just have to find the way to carry what you need with you, and streamline it and have deposit points. Take only the things you can't replace, and seasonally rotate everything else.

Kan

40:28

Keep the old notebooks safe and

Kan

40:54

I just saw a mushroom with long wild grasses growing up next to it, blowing their tendrils around. They're growing taller. They're a beanstalk. They're an Ayahuasca vine, connecting the dimensions going up to the sky and everything on the ground, just looking up at it. This is beautiful. This is a very cross hatch dreams kind of scene. I want someone to animate it because it looks cartoony. The Eye of vine is growing up up up up up up up into the sky. Let the heart of the sky be in my heart. Let my heart be in the heart of the sky, the heart of the earth be in my heart. Let my heart be in the heart of the earth. The apprenticeships are already here. This next phase is about laying the groundwork and getting the ducks in order. Yeah. Kel gave me a duck feather. I need to put that on my altar.

Speaker 1

41:59

Yeah, that's Oh, the birds that are the elements, because I had a feather also of a bird from the sky. A bird from the water is a duck. A bird from the Earth is a wren. A bird from the underworld is a raven. The ether you

Kan

42:44

I feel overwhelmed all of a sudden, like I want to take a nap, and I'm seeing an image of a part of self, like opening a gate so we can go Pilgrim, wandering and walking. I do need to do some of these caminos. Maybe that's ahead this next year. It's fun. Maybe Kaz wants to do some of them. Maybe Berlin doesn't happen, or I just passed through there or something. I mean, if I do the devising workshop, I'm seeing flames flickering on my vision. It's like alarming. Make sure there were no candles burning in here. There's not it's interesting, though, that old fear of putting the fire out lest I burn the whole motherfucker down California vibes,

Kan

43:53

if I do the devising workshop, and I will not be far from Germany, and it makes sense to go through there,

Kan

44:04

but I don't know If that really serves purpose, the mythos, the point of this thing that I'm doing, of my happening,

Speaker 1

44:23

is theater, devising important I just saw an image of feet upside Down world tree feet waving overhead with the rainbow leg warmers on. That's so cute.

Kan

44:43

But, yeah, it does symbolize a little kid inside of me that feels like they're playing pretend they can't do it. I

Kan

45:31

a grave portal. I just saw the words, and I see a headstone that's being moved aside. I mean, that one couldn't be more blatant. Just

Kan

45:57

music. Can't stop listening to use forest, of course,

Unknown Speaker

46:12

and now in

Speaker 1

46:14

a cave is my laptop, because I have to be quiet because Jess is sleeping. The sun is up because it's almost a solstice. I can't wait until the days start getting shorter. Or do you fuck this? It's too bright, it's too much daylight, it's too much pressure. I am a mushroom, and I need the darkness. I

Speaker 1

47:09

The Midnight plan and they see a tree, like a bonsai. This branches fractal. Branches look like they have diamonds on them, growing sideways, glistening, yeah. This is like a DMT tree, the acacia, sacredness. Synchronicity, the acacia, the tree of life, the tree of knowledge, the burning bush, the natural world that speaks to the quote, unquote, enlightened ones. They're just translators who learned how to listen better and sum it up eloquently. You ly.

Kan

48:41

Let's go hit with this profound tiredness. Take a minute.

Speaker 2

48:53

Okay, I'm tired, and I will take a break and probably go back to sleep soon. But you have to document this process for the archive. It's it is actually important for the trans dimensional archive. I mean, this is why I'm doing this program. I I'm experiencing walking Bill's soul through the Bardo. This is Lord of the Rings. What it was depicting is a really long journey. It's hard. It ends at the ISR on, where you throw your soul into the alchemical fire, and you burn it up and you choose again. I don't know if it's quite like Cal was saying, but it's an interesting experiment, so let's play with it. And he said that if you die, you go to the interdimensional fire. And I just fucking love that, by the way, that the campfire is universal. It's found in every culture. It's found in every tradition. All animals are drawn to it. I

Speaker 2

50:16

so you go to the under dimensional fire, and you get to choose. He says, Do you want to live the same life? Again? Exactly. This is deja vu.

Kan

50:29

Particles form back into you?

Speaker 2

50:36

Do you want to choose to reassemble as someone else, another human? That's the door number two, ladies and gentlemen, and everybody else. I

Speaker 2

50:57

that means your particles, your same particles, re assemble as a different

Kan

51:03

form, and then you go back out,

Speaker 2

51:11

and then there's terminate this program, and that means your particles scatter and form a little part of every Single other person on earth. I find that beautiful. I find that comforting. I'm not sure if that's the supreme truth of everything, but if it's true for him, then it's kind of true for me too, because it's, you know, they're all just different perspectives. They're all just different facets on the one big universal

Speaker 2

51:59

and I'm experiencing walking bill through the Bardo, and it's a whole big dark landscape, and it's really hard. It is really dark. People are asking us questions, like, every five seconds You can't just fucking get across this bridge already. I

Speaker 2

52:34

a really cool part of the music I'm listening to the Costa Rica ceremony, and towards the end, it gets all electronic. He doesn't do this very often. I really like it, because I'm seeing the abandoned landscape we're walking through the world where it's always night and the moon goes in phases, so sometimes we're in complete darkness and sometimes Everything is Illuminated. Oh, this is a sequence I want to animate. I Right? Everyone's walking through the graveyard,

Speaker 2

53:25

and the things are coming alive and dancing, all the graveyard creatures and all the Zodiac, procession of animals, everyone's following the pied piper, the Bard, through the graveyard, over the bridge of Sauron, and this is now how we are walking through the Bardo. We're not doing it, struggling, striving, like we were just doing a second ago, crying the rain, driving the forging on, huddled against the elements. We had to take a break. We had to stop and rest, and that's okay, and so we did that's what I was doing when the recording wasn't running, but I turned it on, and now the music starts. Flame picking up, and now we're crossing through the Bardo dancing. Now we're crossing through the Bardo prancing. Now we're crossing through the Bardo queerly,

Kan

54:32

joyfully.

Speaker 2

54:36

Laughing, like clapping, being silly. That's who we really are.

Kan

54:48

That's who we really are.

Speaker 2

55:00

That's who we really are. The Eye of Sauron sees everything. So we have to get to the eye. And there is a confession we have to open ourselves up to the everything and surrender all of it. We don't have to say it, but we can, if we want to. We just have to offer it with our being, throw ourselves into the void, disappear, completely, dissolve.

Speaker 2

55:53

I'm seeing myself on my back with my feet waving up, and seeing all of us Trans and Queer people laying on our backs turning into world trees in the cemetery under the light of the full moon and the Eye of Sauron and some kind of Watchtower that looks like a schoolhouse, and it's kind of hand drawn and crude, and it looks beautiful. It actually kind of looks like the gorillas music videos.

Speaker 2

56:27

Our Sun is the Eye of Sauron that starts blazing, and one of us offers themselves to the ether and becomes one with everything when one of us terminates, whoa,

Kan

56:42

whoa.

Speaker 2

56:46

The micro is the macro. You get that choice on every level, do you want to keep going, or do you want to terminate. Things don't keep going forever. So it's not a choice that you can make in perpetuity,

Kan

57:09

nice to when you can you

Speaker 2

57:21

I'm seeing a pot of stir fried broccoli, for some Reason, eating a broccoli with chopsticks that has peanut sauce on it. Yeah, we don't do peanuts anymore. I guess that one feels kind of boundary. I think that's just a dietary thing. I

Riordan Regan

57:56

some agreements start now, some come in later. I

Speaker 2

58:30

I'm seeing someone sitting on a couch being washed with a hose. Now, wash your sons away. My child, you are absolved. The music is like reflective. Now I'm seeing, Oh, I'm seeing little flowers, little shoots grow out through the couch cushions that this person sitting on. It looks like my house sit in Walthamstow and like the faucets gone off in, or there's like a hose that has gone off inside. But I'm just like, standing there and watching it happen. In one part of me is like, but they're gonna be so mad, you're gonna ruin everything. And the other parts like, this is a cosmos unfolding, dude. Or like, that's, this isn't happening in that dimension. This is bigger than that. We're all here though. We're all part of it.

Speaker 2

59:44

You're trying to get me to come join them. Just hold on. Give me a freaking second. Geez. I'm exhausted. This guiding work is hard. I get it now. You gotta conserve your energy. All of my muscles ache, I guess, because I've been traveling in the other Dimension, I feel like you ran a freaking marathon. I

Speaker 2

01:00:31

uh, okay, these mushrooms, plus I uh, I'm seeing eyes everywhere. Exactly what happened to me in the tent. Do not approach casually. They don't around. But also, like last time, I had parts to walk to the Bardo, and this time I had parts to walk to the Bardo. So I guess I know that when those mushrooms call it's time to go to the Bardo. I should probably see if George has More from the same crap.

Kan

01:01:25

God i

Speaker 2

01:01:31

i just visualized George being like, do you have an alchemical vessel? And reaching into a bag of mushrooms, and me being like, yes, and pulling out like a beaker, like a science beaker, and then putting them in the them. This is fun. I love how image based things are getting. That's archetypal living baby that's living the calendar, the Maya language that is depicted in pictures. And what about Quechua? It's interesting how similar it sounds to the Maya dialect. I wonder how closely they're related Kij Quechua. I mean, it sounds like they must share an origin. I'll look that up when I can, like, move out of this fetal position that I'm in.

Speaker 2

01:02:40

I am balled up in the fetal position with my eyes covered in a blanket over the top of me, and just my mouth is uncovered so they can speak into the laptop, which is right in front of me on the bed,

Speaker 2

01:03:02

because these mushrooms are like hella body experience too. I'm now seeing another eye, but like it's one that I drew is really shiny and beady and has eyelashes. It's like on top of a tower of Babylon, Eye of Sauron, Eye of Horus. All seen Oracle, the Sphinx. Oh yeah, I gotta look into that again, the Sphinx that was guarding the library around the time of Atlantis. I

Speaker 2

01:04:27

I'm seeing a little altar before me now I'm back in some kind of trans dimensional room. I wonder why it's that houses at Walthamstow, that one didn't even seem all that potent.

Kan

01:04:45

That's funny.

Speaker 2

01:04:52

Maybe that cat was a magic messenger. I mean, they all are, but maybe that one in particular, oh yeah, there he is. Oh, shit. I wonder if He just crossed Over. I

Speaker 2

01:06:28

my back muscle is twitching. We're all assuming different stations of the cross, the cardinal directions, me and all the other entities that are present for this ritual in the house of the Walthamstow with the cat presiding over it was so fun. I don't remember what that cat looked like I'm seeing a gray and white one. Remember them being really snuggling. It wasn't fun. It was a nice house that I wished I was there along with, turns out, in there forever i

Speaker 2

01:07:15

So reaches a different direction, calling in and releasing a different owner

Speaker 2

01:07:27

at one of those trans dimensional stations zip by. Background is revealing itself to be the rainforest.

Speaker 2

01:07:48

The day after the rain has come the

Speaker 2

01:08:15

she's a friend from explains these people who carries fan cities want to know how I ended up in London.

Speaker 2

01:08:34

She's a friend from high school. She knew Bill well. She knew him before I did. They went back to when they were really Little kids at Woodridge in elementary school. I

Speaker 2

01:09:22

That's funny. I thought this recording was about to be almost over, but apparently it's only halfway. That's fun. I mean, I started it over at a certain point,

Speaker 2

01:09:42

I thought I was gonna wake up and do a bunch of mind. Turns out we're going through the Bardo instead, and it's requiring a lot of periods of silence to just listen to an easy. I'm gonna take another one. I forgot I wasn't recording, and I started talking to the tape, quote, unquote, no one was listening. Isn't that funny? I realized that the house sit in Walthamstow for whatever reason, is Plato's cave shining the lights in the darkness that show us the shapes of things, the forums that we assume to perform the roles we're here to do in this incarnation. And I meant to be the pied piper. That's why I'm getting images of myself. That's why, when I was a kid, I took that address off during the play and I just sat down on the ground and refused to participate. The mouse is a role I took on to stay small and diminutive, but like mice, are also really inventive. And so my a mouse tunneling through the underground and the subterranean, yes, but the mouse that just passively follows the pied piper nodded, I am the pied piper. Waltham, so I'm The Walter White of the Bardo. I am the one who plays the flute and people follow. That's funny, but don't get caught in your ego, because Walter White's the fucking shadow going through the Bardo means the shadow. It means seeing all those archetypes just as clearly as the ones the figures of light. So Walter White comes with us, the domineering one who wants to kill everybody. I mean, he's the same as the suicidal impulse, right? Just as it turned outward or inward.

Speaker 2

01:12:12

Yeah, we're the Pied Pipers leading the souls into the next life, leading the forms into the next world. We're

Speaker 2

01:12:40

my sacrum just started hurting, really quite badly. I'm literally just laying here, but I'm in the trans dimensional room in Walthamstow, while simultaneously I'm skipping leading people through the Bardo with my flute, while simultaneously I'm the kids sitting on the edge of the stage being like, Nah, dude, I'm taking this outfit off. I do not participate.

Speaker 2

01:13:18

That's the one who wanted to speak. That's the one who wants to that's the one who stayed quiet and followed the pied piper. Instead of letting everyone listen to their story, they want people to hear their story, because they're a fucking Bard, and their story isn't even theirs. It's everyone's okay. Kid will reclaim it. You don't have to wear that fucking costume. Burn it in the fire, if you want to.

Speaker 2

01:14:01

Yeah, we're just sitting around cross legged in the world of forms, pretending we're also astral traveling, and some muscles are fucking tired. My body is tired and my soul is tired, but we keep going until we get to our destination and the souls trans born so

Kan

01:15:06

Jesus, what now I'm seeing some

Speaker 2

01:15:09

guy in the transformational portal. Is that bell someone's pulling up like a reality TV show, Real Housewives of the Bardo. This has to be bill, of course,

Speaker 2

01:15:32

he wants to show me the show. Okay? Show me Real Housewives of the bridal I'll listen to your story, Bill, I just have to maintain self energy in a safe distance. I think at the dance tonight, we're gonna release each other of our karmic virgin, and we're gonna complete the dance.

Kan

01:15:59

I think we're at the threshold today.

Speaker 2

01:16:04

I gotta find a way to do some day world stuff, though,

Speaker 2

01:16:17

we're gonna have to pause and take a commercial Break. Is that okay? That's how it works anyway.

Unknown Speaker

01:16:33

Word from responses. I

Speaker 2

01:17:03

Yeah, we're all exhausted. Yeah, no. And I'm just like, proving at the dance crew in at the stripe. Leave you pretty tired.

Kan

01:17:18

Okay, we gotta take.

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