You're listening to the best value podcast episode 164 What would you say to someone who claimed you are promoting? Yo? Let's go
Hello, and welcome to today's episode, we have some exciting news. You you glorious, gorgeous human being you. We have got to my first ko fee income goal of $680 hairs which is enough to produce one month of fatty podcast advert free. Now it's taken a few months to get there. And honestly, I'm surprised that people want to donate don't cofee. Like, oh, what is this, and we got to the goal was $680. Amazing. Thank you so much. I love you. You're amazing. I said amazing and awesome. Probably too many times there. And so I've come up with a new goal, the new goal is six months worth of podcast episodes. Ooh, that's $4,080, which seems audacious. But you know what, I'm gonna sit in that audacity, I'm gonna be audacious. And I've added two new things, two new things to the doobly doo. WWE due to the tiers. So Tier one is the same, you get the size diversity Resource Guide, which is funds Hans doc. But tier two, you also get the first fatty science spreadsheet with an overview of science that weighed science. And it has like the year it was published the link to the study and overview of the study, and what categories it will fall into. There's not all of the weight science in the world in there. Because if I gave you that, then it would be overwhelming and horrible. And I don't even have it myself. But I do have a spreadsheet region where I have loads and loads and loads more science, but people want that they can have it. But I think one which is more clear and concise is better. Anyway, that's what you get for the tier two to Tier one is $5 a month. Tier Two is $10 to three $20 you will get all of those things. Plus you'll get a handwritten note from me in the post social media shout out you get that on tier two, actually. And you'll get a thing in the post as well. Which is I'm showing it on the video. It's a double sided postcard one size side says says fat liberation is the future. The other side says this is a fat positive space on there. I'm going to frame one of mine, because I think it looks good. Yeah, so if you want if you want to have a little thing a little it's all it's on card. So it'd be nice to frame. It's nice to gauges to get it printed. Well I say ages like 10 days, but like ages, months, 10 days. Yeah, so some little extra perks there for you. If you're already a subscriber, I sent you an email with extra stuff. So you can get that so you don't miss out. All right. So if you want to go donate cofee, it's in the show notes K ofI for slash first party in the show notes. If you want the links to anything we're talking about today in the episode, the podcast episode is 164. So that's first fatty. Oh 164. And all you can always do first for a forward slash podcast to find the most recent version. So today, we've got listener questions. If you have a question about the show, feel free to email me feel free to send me a message on the also groans put a shout out saying Who is it? We've got questions? We've got it. We've got questions. And we've got some cool ones. K Aw, ll ll Hello a cool ones. So let's do it. Let's go through the questions. First question is Hi Vinny. I really appreciate all of the labor you invest in the prefab movement. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm currently experiencing a health issue and I'm losing weight. Sorry to hear that about your health issue. Of course everyone wants to praise it. Boo. Do you have any recommendations for ways that people can respond that makes someone think about why they're praising weight loss without knowing the whole story? snarky as welcome. Okay, this is a great question. And I think this as well can be helpful for people who have any types of comments about their body. Like if people are like you've put on weight, or people just sometimes, depending on the culture and the age and where you're at where you are, people can just as an automatic, just comment about your body. In Ireland, all of my relatives will say, You look well. And I interpret that as you look pretty or thin or not sick, or I've always like, when younger when I was younger, I was always interpreted it as you look thin, but they say all the time to everyone. So I know they don't actually mean it. It's just a saying, right. But anyway, some people will have a lot of people who do talk about their weight. But in this case, someone has lost weight unintentionally. And people are like, I lost my congratulation. Which must, if that happened to me, it would get on my flaps something chronic. So here's some of that one liners. I love that you mentioned snackies welcome. Okay. So imagine someone says, Oh, my God, you've lost weight. You look amazing. You could say I'm losing weight because I am sick. I know you don't mean to praise my ill health. But you are. And of course change any any words that you want. Because you didn't say sick, you said health issue. Or you could just say, I am sick. I have a health issue. See what they say? Oh, I bet I bet this is what I reckon someone's gonna be like, Oh, no, I'm sorry about that. Well, at least there's a positive side effect. You look amazing. And then I would be like, Well, I actually really like being fat. And I can't wait to like, put weight back on. Hopefully, if I get better. And see they're kind of like, No, that's a computer brain going. I don't understand. You know that that meme. That woman was all the I don't know who is. It's like a white middle aged lady with loads of like, calculus, math stuff around her head. looking confused. Yeah. Okay, what else you could say is, weight loss for me is a sign that there is something wrong. Another one. It's strange that you monitor my body size. It's not okay to comment on people's weight. I'm curious. Why do you think me losing weight is a good thing, that my approach would be more kind of like, asking them a question. That's always my response. Like, what do you mean? What do I Oh, I look thinner. Do you think that being thinner is a good thing? And see them be like, Oh, we will? Or whatever they say they could say yes. And you could say well, I don't agree with you, actually. Okay, next, I am uncomfortable that you were talking about my body. Can you not so weird? Talking about someone's body? Imagine you can't imagine this. It's happened to you many times. Next, do you know why you have a smaller body right now? And they'll say, I don't know. Tell me what have you been doing keto? Atkins, herbs up your match? And you'll say no, actually, it's because I have a health issue. Please think twice before praising what weight loss. Next, you do realize that people lose weight outside of being committed to anti fat bias, right. My weight loss is not intentional. I hope I stay fat forever. I love being fat. I was I was a picture on my wall that says I hope I'm fat forever.
Love it. Next one. Why do you think that me having a smaller body is important or noteworthy. Do you think that is something that is important to me? Next, why are you praising weight loss, especially as I haven't brought up my weight? So You have no idea why I've lost weight. It's because of an illness. FYI, I really hope I feel better soon and put my weight back on. Being fat is awesome. It makes me sad that you think I am better slash more attractive, etc. because my body is smaller. You could also say if someone's like, Oh my God, have you lost where you can like, Yeah, I know, it's so sad that I've lost weight. This gorgeous fatty body is shrinking away. And I don't know like it, I'd probably do something like that being like, you know, over the top being like, I know, oh, my goodness, I need to get back to that gorgeous, more plump body. That more zaftig gorgeous, glorious body of mine. I hope I get back there. And they'll be like, oh, oh, I don't understand. And obviously, all of these depend on who? Who is saying it, whether you've got the time to give the folks of even engaging them you do, because you don't have to, you could just be like they or change the subject. Or I would probably have like a nice one line at that I like so if someone says, Have you lost weight, I'd be like, I love being fat. And I hope I don't lose any other way. But I mean, you know, that might not be your experience you might be having, like, other feelings. And so, you know, whatever you're thinking, but I always thinking about this, you know, thinking about this, how cool it is that you're having this, not how cool it's happy that you're having this, this this, this issue of people doing that, but how your brain is reacting to it, your brain is saying, I don't like that. Whereas previously, I know a lot of people and a lot of people still hearing someone say have you lost weight is the most beautiful music to our ears in the past. I know for me, someone's saying have you lost weight? They might as well be saying, Vinnie, I think you're the best living human on the planet. I think that you are gorgeous, sexy, attractive, successful. All of the wonderful characteristics that a human can have, you're clearly hard working. And I think that maybe you should probably be a millionaire, because the amount of hard work that you've put into becoming thin. You are basically a God walking among humans, because you have a smaller body. But that's why I feel like yes, I have lost way. Oh, and I stop. Hi, now I am gorgeous. You know, even though you're probably like, I haven't lost enough way and you know that the weight is going to come back. But not having that reaction. Like if someone said to me, have you lost weight? I would be like, Whoa. I wonder if my initial reaction I wonder if my brain would go to oh, people think you're thinner. Oh, that means that they think you're more attractive. If my like, you know, that anti fat stuff that that likes to look around or jump in and be like, yes, match, I'm sayin, you know when? And then my rational pro fat brain will be like, ah, hang on a minute. What do you don't like that? What are you talking about? And I'm sure probably everyone has some type of mixture of that. And well, depending on where they're at, in fact, liberation, but probably not having that positive feeling from mentions of weight loss, if you are someone living in a bigger body is is probably quite normal and regular. Right and and seeing that shift from I don't want this is really cool to see. So yeah, so with these things, just a reminder, right now, you're probably relaxed, right? Listening to my sultry tones. And you're probably like, yeah, man, next time someone says that I'm gonna be like, kapow. Take this bitch. You know, here's my really sassy response. And then in the moment, as your heart is beating fast and your breathing, breathing quickens because of that. And your brain is like, Oh, my God is happening. And your brain is like, you better start running or whatever, you probably are not going to be able to access that, you know, peak sassiness or, or peak perfection of a response. You probably just might mumble out something like, Thanks, you know, because our brains are kind of not as helpful in stressful situations. And that's why you know, sometimes I do like asking questions of like, what do you mean by that? I don't understand, so that I can kind of get myself together. But if you just need to tell someone to fuck often, you have my permission. Okay. Okay, next question. This is a short one tips for fat allyship what's helpful and what's not? Okay, so cool. Love it that you asked this question. I don't know if it's a straight size person asked this question. But love, love Ed. I'm gonna read a little quote from nylon.com, which is an article that says beauty. Oh, no, it's not beauty. That's a section. What is the role of an ally to the fat community? Okay, quote, not everyone is on board with the topic of thin allies. The fat community has been burned many times by those who claim to support but rather take up space and erase voices particular those of black women from the conversation seeing this happen across identities. Deshaun Harrison, who we all know is the writer of belly of the beast, and also an editor at where your voice mag soon to be author of Belly of the Beast not soon anymore, says they, quote don't actually believe in ally ship. In my experience, these people are less committed to marginalized People's Liberation and more committed to performing a sense of camaraderie to the marginalized group. But for their own personal gain, Harrison explains. In a perfect world, Harrison would define a thin ally as someone who is quote, really understanding of understanding and interrogating how fatness interacts with anti blackness, a topic that requires extensive research that phobia itself is driven from racism dating far back to the days of slavery, when the black body was ridiculed yet over sexualized and closed corners by powerful white men. Quote, The reason why we look at bodies the way we do is because racism anti fatness and ableism, Harrison abs, we need to eradicate those things because the issue with your body are predicated on having issues with being black being discovered disfigured, being fat or being disabled. I think that that's really interesting to think about is the Shan saying that, in their experience, people are less committed to marginalized People's Liberation and more committed to performing a sense of camaraderie to the marginalized group for their own personal gain. And I really like to think about that, because that's so sticky, isn't it? Or it's so sticky, and you're like, Oh, look at me, I'm such a great person, because I donated to this person, this charity or whatever. Maybe I should tweet about it. Maybe I should let everyone know. I am a great 30. It's really hard not to be performative. And not to get a sense of self esteem from being like, I'm so fucking radical and amazing. I'm such a good person. But I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, I wonder if this is such an interesting concept to think about, like motivations for wanting to be an ally to people who have marginalized identities that you don't share? Is that self serving nature that we all have? Is that something that's that's inevitable? Because I think, you know, we do this work, because we think it's right. Right. And we think we, I don't know about you, but I think it's right. And also, I want to see a world where there's more equity. And is that because of selfish reasons? I don't know, probably at some part and probably not in some part. And probably, I do want to be seen as a good person. You know, like how when someone who is racist, who, you know, when someone says you're racing, they're like, not ruthless. And they will, like, run themselves in circles to claim that they're not racist, because really what they're trying to say is, I'm not a bad person. Because we want people to think that we're good people, you know, anyways, this is all side tangent of like, how do we find ally? But it's, I think it's important to think about when you're being an ally to anyone of, you know,
is this is this actually helpful? Or is it not? And I don't have the answers for all of these these these questions. Because, you know, fat people are not a monolith. And some things that could be helpful for me might not be helpful for other people and also to recognize that I am a white, medium fat person. Who is not physically disabled? And so I have this privilege. And so some things I'm like, that's fine. Don't worry about MMA, you know, someone else who doesn't have the same privilege I have will be like, Oh, that's the worst fucking thing that ever you can do. So, but anyway, saying all that blah, blah bluh bluh. Here are some ideas for you. I did a whole episode on this, what was it, it was episode, and finding it for you 84. My goodness. And we want you for number on one, Psalm 60 something. So 84 How to be a fat ally. And there's 33 practical ways to be a fat ally in this installment I said, in the show notes there, but here are some of those 33. So if you invite us somewhere, make sure it's accessible. So if we're going for lunch, dinner, whatever, no booths and chairs without arms, not a million flights of stairs, things like that. And this is getting easier and easier. Because lots of places are thinking about these things. I went to a game a game place, could not believe it. Love it with my two friends and a new friend of us. That was one straight size person. So straight size person and his his husband is fat. I'm fat. And then the new friend is fat, straight size person. He made the booking, he made the booking. And he said we need a this this larger table. And actually the company had a a thing on their booking thing saying what accessibility needs do you have? I've never seen that before. I literally was shitting my pants with excitement hearing about this when he said when I was like, Oh, we've got a big table here with these chairs and this other group to have a smaller table. That's kind of funny. And then you said, oh, yeah, you know, they had that when we were booking and I was like, oh, oh my oh, this is amazing. And I was just like, hey, straight ally, thinking about it. And he's got a fat husband. Right? So he's, he's in it. And he knows. And he had they had been to that place before. And it was a real tight squeeze, because they had a booth. So thinking about those types of things of is it accessible? I want to see my friend is it just tiny little barstools booths, which don't have a table that moves booths might be okay, if the tables moved, a lot of times, they're bolted down tiny little chairs, you know, like fashion chairs, which are like, you know, have the capacity to hold up a pee or something, you know. And so, you know, let's say if I go out with some intimate friend of the show, so I'm in an she's doing the same type of work, but she is string sized. And she will always say you pick the chair that you want to sit in? How is this for you, she will look at the images of the restaurant before we go. And she'll always check in with me. And I'm just like, fucking love you summer. Amazing. So, yeah, that's it you can do. Or you can just say to your fat, your fat friend is this place, okay for you. And, you know, in case you don't know what, what that might look like. Also, when you're with us try and think about our experiences. So for example, like being cognizant of how fat folks can feel in a group activity. Say if you go on a hike, and you're enjoying the hike, and you know it, depending on the fat person and your relationship with them, they might not want to say anything, they might be, you know, being like, I need a break, but I'm gonna say anything because I don't want to be the fat person who doesn't need a break. And then you know, the thing people are like, oh, I need a break. But, you know, the fan person is not even asking for a break. So we don't we shouldn't have a break. Because you know, we should be further than the fat person. You know, everyone's probably like, Oh, I'm fucking tired. And you saying, Hey, everyone, let's have a break. Amazing. Love it. And staying with the person who's at the back, whoever it is, right? Just last weekend, I went to a meetup group, queer Irish Meetup group here in Vancouver. So funny, went to a coffee shop and my with my neighbor. He was there. And he was at a meetup group two, and it was all men with huge beards. And I said, What are you doing here? Are you here for the big beard Meetup group? And he's like, it's funny. You should say that. Oh, it's actually the radical pixies Meetup group. I don't know what that was, but, and then I said, Well, I'm here for the fucking radical queer Pixies. And I said, I'm here for the Irish queer Meetup group. And he says, Oh, you're the leprechauns. They were the Pixies. It's kind of funny. Anyway, you might be like, That's not fucking funny. What are you talking about? Anyway, so registered for this, this this new group and then then we're gonna go for a walk. I live where I am is at the top of the hill. So we're walking down that down this big hill. And people were practically in my A perception running down this hill, and I'm right at the back. And I'm literally shouting slow down. Can we slow down, please? And no one turned around to look. And I was like, blimey, like, we go so fast. And people like, Oh, this is not fast. And I am a fast walker, right? I've got, you know, long sexy legs, I walk fast. walking fast is not a trait, which is something to be proud of. I'd be you know, just to say that, even if I was a slow walker, but they will go in Mad fast. I happen to look at my clock and I was like, Oh, shit, I need to go call my mum. So I was like, Okay, I'll go bye, see you later, I'm calm. I'm gonna go home call my mom sat back up this hill. But I didn't know we were gonna go for a walk. Because, you know, I went with an Irish friend. And so I didn't know what was happening. And if I might have been more nervous, if I had known that we were going for a walk, I thought we will just go in for a coffee. But you know, something like that? Oh, a walk? How can that not be accessible? If I didn't have to call my mom, I think I probably would have just stopped and walked away. Because I was like, they are not thinking about intersectionality they're not thinking about fat people. And then I and then they were like, Oh, we do in the coffee shop. They were like, We do lots of sports together. And I was I was like, Oh, I mean, I like sports, right? But is it gonna be? I don't know if I can trust them. Because they, there was one other fat person. But I don't know if they are trustworthy, thin people. Because I don't know. If they're into dieting, I don't know, if they're doing sports because they're into being thin. Or if they're doing sports, like, how I would do sports for fun. You know? I mean, there's no, there's no reason to, you know, I mean, if you want to engage in sports, because you want to engage in health promoting activity, that's fine, too. But you know, when you are with someone, you know that, that they're engaging in movement in a really unhealthy way. I've had friends like that, like one friend, she would always be like, let's not sit down when we get our coffee, let's go for a walk. And she'd always want to walk for hours. Literally, she would spend a whole day walking. And I was like, Yeah, this is not I'm not feeling this. Anyway. So just think about the fact is, I'm not saying that all fat people are slow. You know, the fat fat people can be at the front of the pack, but just thinking about everyone in any type of activity. And it doesn't have to be a physical activity. But you know, just thinking about how other people might experience that activity. Next, don't use the Oh, words just don't. That sucks. If anyone talks shit about fat people shut them down. You have way more privilege in your body size. If you're straight size than a fat person to talk about this stuff and other straight size people will listen to you more likely than they would. You know, they more likely would poopoo a fat person be like, Oh man, it's because you're fat. You're saying that but if you say hey, that is not okay. That would be amazing. And you know, fat people don't have to present for you to say, Hey, that's not okay. And when you're doing that, do not pull out good, fatty tropes, which is oh, hey, you know, fat people kind of help being fat, fat people that they're trying to lose weight, or even ones that can sound like they're helpful. Hey, fat people are healthy too, you know? Again, that, but hey, fat people are healthy too. Well, what if fat people aren't healthy? Because there are many fat people who are not healthy. Same way. There's many strokes, those people are not healthy. Does that mean that those fat people are not due respect and belonging? What if a fat person likes being fat? Does What about them. So try and avoid the the good, Fatty, bad fatty troves of our fat people that exercise and fat people when and I know it's about you know, you wanting to educate other people, but basically what we're trying to say to people who are anti fat is fat people deserve respect. Fat people deserve to be alive. No matter what type of fat person they are, even if they're like a mean fat person, you know, and this is, you know, like the same is a lot of times with liberal people. The way that they talk about fatness is is really unhelpful. So, for example, like if you think about Donald Trump, and the thing that people go to, is his looks he's fat. Oh, Oh isn't the worst thing ever. Oh my God, he's a fat person and he's a president. How can a president be fat? Oh, it's terrible. Hang on a minute.
Is this his fatness? Make him a bad? No, he's absolutely dogshit personality makes him a bad person, not the his body size. That's got nothing to do with anything. So anyway, so let's not engage in that type of stuff at work. Talk about including size discrimination and diversity training. Get me in to do size, discrimination stuff in diversity, training, shutdown diet talk. If you have a uniforms as for uniform sizes to be expanded, that it's not acceptable to just ask women to wear men's uniforms. When when an F wellness initiatives roll out, contact the organizers and tell them how this is super harmful. You know, well mission is initiatives like let's, let's walk walk a marathon and let's lose way and shit. Don't just ignore fat comments and jokes report that shit to HR shut it down, if possible, I say if possible, because it might be your boss. And so you might not be like, you know, we might be the CEO is like, hey, that'd be well served and you're fired. But he could report it to HR. Remove magazines that have weight loss stories from the break rooms asks for larger chairs if there is no lack of chairs or if the chairs are bolted down to the floor is a break room say for fat people to eat lunch? Are there signs up about Weight Watchers meetings or things about how to eat healthy. Make sure that the workplace isn't overcrowded so that fat people can get around without having to negotiate obstacles, pay fat people Oh, you know what, how you can pay fat people go to my Kofi and donate to me, I'm a fat person. So what's not helpful talking about your your bad body image and seeking counsel from a fat person unless you are paying them? A lot of fat people will say, You know what, my thinner friend who is ever so slightly chubby or not even chubby? keeps keeps talking to me about how awful they look and how disgusting they are. And, and I'm like, Hello, do you can you not see who you're talking to about this? And, and a lot of times straight sides, people do this because the fat person is safe. The fat person is there to counsel them and tell them no, you're not fat and disgusting. You're not like me, I am the real fat disgusting person, you're beautiful. And you know, straight sides, people a lot of times don't do that same thing to people who they perceive as more attractive to them. So if you find yourself doing that to a fat person, stop it telling us about this new store that is super inclusive. Turns out the store is non inclusive, and it only goes to size 3x. So critical thinking of a lot of times people were like, Oh my God, have you heard about this thing? Or whatever? And it's like, yeah, I'm in the fat lib world like I know about it? Or have you heard the Old Navy carry plus sizes? And you're like, I've got, I've got a lot to say about that. I know all about it. And so yeah, not getting fat people excited that there might be a new inclusive clothing store. If you don't know what it's like to be in that fat body, not presuming that clothes are gonna fit or that they're super stretchy. Because they're probably not going to fit. Not being radical with your fat activism. So challenging yourself of am I thinking about factor ism and thinking, Oh, it's acceptable to be fat, but only a certain amount of fat. Any more than like, you know, an hourglass figure. That's a bit too fat. But you know, like, a lot of people were like, Yeah, but what about like, those people, which are 600 pounds, they're the bad fat ones I can get behind you because you're acceptably fat. Are you having thoughts like that? If so, work on that stuff. And also not acknowledging your size of privilege regularly. And you just need to be like, Hey, everybody, you know, Hi, friends, by the way, I'm thin and you're not, you can just be like, oh, yeah, so that must be really difficult. And you know, especially someone like me, being a straight size person, I don't have to deal with the same marginalization and discrimination that other people in larger bodies do. Me saying that I'm a white person. So you know how I will say, Hey, I'm a white person, or I'm medium fat person or whatever, you know, I will just bring it up. Because I want it to acknowledge how things are different for me. Right? As in, it's easier for me. And so if you're doing that, it would be amazing. And if you're not, then I'm suspicious. Especially as I was just talking to someone about You know, getting to know straight size people. And presuming this person I was talking to was saying to clients saying, I'm making the presumption that someone who is straight sized didn't have a nice personality. And wasn't that positive? And what could they do to let you know that they're a safe person? And talking about like, what if they had a little bit, you know, badge on them, say in death to diets or something like that, and then all of a sudden, you can go like, Oh, okay, they're a safe person. Where then within reason, right, they might be you know, who knows, but we know that they're probably not going to be like, Hey, have you heard about the cabbage die or whatever? Yeah. So that is the answer to that question. Again. These are These are just ideas and some of them, you know, some people might say, That's not helpful, Vinnie, I am a fat person. I don't agree with you. And that's absolutely valid. Everyone's experiences are different. But you know, what could be really helpful? Just to ask the fat people in your life? What can I do to help? How can I use my privilege? What would be helpful or what wouldn't be helpful, especially if you've got fat people in your life that you love? Okay, the next question is, what would you say to someone who claimed you are promoting the O word? OCE Nishan, T? and P simply when I'm not good at finding a rhyme with trying to find a rhyme for the O word? Increasingly? It's not a good ride. Anyway, what would you say to someone who claimed that you're promoting the O word? So this is a is this is a zinger that the right wing people love to say is you're promoting the a word you're promoting fatness that they say the O word. So let's dissect this phrase like what are they saying? When someone says you're promoting the O word? What are they trying to say? So here are some of my ideas. They're trying to say, you are promoting something that is bad. You are telling people to be unhealthy and encouraging them to die. You want people to be lazy and make excuses and be losers. You are jealous of attractive people and hate them and think everyone should be forced to date and have sex with a fat person. You're telling other people to be fat, and encouraging more fat people to exist. You shouldn't be happy at your sizes. I'm not happy at my size. And that makes me mad. You can be satisfied when I work so hard to be smaller and successfully. You should feel shame. So that's what I hear when I hear that phrase. Yeah, we're moving forward. So let's go through each one of those like, first one, you are promoting something that is bad. Or I don't agree that fatness is bad. If someone says to me you're promoting Oh word, what do you mean? You think that it's bad to be fat? Yes, I don't agree with you that it's bad to be fat. Next one, you're telling people to be unhealthy and encouraging them to die. So I don't think that someone is bad for being unhealthy. Health is a complex topic if someone wants to engage in health promoting behaviors that you think are acceptable, then that's fine by me and none of my business. If someone wants to engage in health promoting behaviors that you don't think are acceptable, then that's fine by me none of my business so you know if you're like well, I need fat people need to see fat people you know going on a run and eating a salad what happens when fat people go on a run any and sad? Oh, you're just faking it you never go on a run and eat a salad you fucking faking liar. So, but what if someone wants to engage in health promoting behaviors that you don't think are acceptable, like, I don't know, going to the doctor or, or talking to a therapist or not using guns, things like that. Again, that's none of my business. And it's fine by me. If someone isn't interested in pursuing health, whatever that means. That's fine by me and is knowing my business. I know other people's health is none of my business. But you person who is saying you're promoting should be should be. You don't seem to have that same understanding that other people's health is not your business. Do Healthy People not deserve to be alive or be visible? I think fat people deserve to be ill live and be visible. So I'm promoting unhealthy ill health. My your health has got nothing to do with me. It's not my business.
Don't see how that one works. Next one, you want people to be lazy and make excuses and be losers. But think about lazy, I do think that people should work less and rest more, or people because laziness is white supremacy, puritanical morality, capitalism, all rolled up into one, we work too hard. And we need to rest more, I think. But again, if you think that you should work 27 million hours a day, or work zero hours a day. Guess what, Nana My bed is nice. And I don't get to say that you shouldn't do this or that. Right? Being fat doesn't make someone lazy. Laziness is a myth is a really awesome book. Laziness is a myth. You should check it out. fatness doesn't make people lose us in tolerance and judgment. make someone a loser in my eyes. So you want people to be lazy and make excuses. So a lot of people a lot of times when I hear this phrase, it's, it's like you want to support people, quote, giving up a lot of fat liberation is really, really hard work. And really what we're doing is tremendously difficult. It's a tremendously difficult act for an individual to do. And I think people have to work really, really hard to unlearn anti fat bias. So personally, I don't think that people are giving up. It's the opposite. But I'm not. On the other hand, you know, if people don't work hard at this stuff, and they just casually jump into it, whatever. I don't care about my either, you know, it's got nothing to do with me. Next one, you are jealous of attractive people, I would hate them. I think everyone should be forced to to date and have sex with a fat person. You're right. I am jealous of the people of the privilege that thinner people have. However, I know it's a systemic issue. Smaller bodied people are also hurt due to anti fatness. I don't however, agree that only smaller body people are attractive. Although society as a whole doesn't align with my beliefs. I think fat bodies are countercultural cool, on our on our made of waves and honey, and I don't think fat phobes should be having sex with fat people, we are way too special for you to see our spirits. So I am when I say I'm jealous of their privilege, I'm not really jealous of their privilege. I'm frustrated that society is so binary. And it's thinking about what is an acceptable body? So yeah, I'm gonna say it's jealousy is more kind of frustration. Because I think jealousy would mean that I would want to have a smaller body. And, and, you know, I don't, I don't care if I have a smaller body or a bigger body. I like having a bigger body. But if someone if I woke up in a new life, and I had a smaller body, I wouldn't be like curse you smaller body. So it's not the body, it's the systemic issues that I have a problem with. Next, you're telling other people to be fat and encouraging more fat people to exist. So more fat people existing is not a problem. I would never tell anyone what they should do with their body. And so I'm not telling people to be fat, or thin, or anything. Fat people exist, they always have and they always will do. shaming them will not make them go away. Shame doesn't align with my personal values. And so I don't want to shame people for their body size, especially because I don't think that there's anything shameful about being fat. I'm simply trying to make the world a place where fat people are not excluded and shamed at every junction. I want fat people to be treated with dignity and equality. Like I think about that, you know, what is this this phrase? Like, what is this? It's a lot of judgment, right? It's a lot of shaming. It's a lot of moralizing. It's a lot of I know better, you're doing something bad. And if someone did actually say this like to my face, and they were they were curious, you know, versus just being a troll. I would say I'd I'd be really curious about you know, what does how does that make you feel to say that fat people shouldn't be allowed to exist What are your values as a human? And I think most people will say, you know, like, my values are things like kindness and empathy and lala land and then like going back like, does that align with your values? Some people might be like, I don't know what my values are. But you know what, you know, what is it important to you to be as a human? Because I think underneath, I think, I don't know, maybe I'm being too generous in spirit to these people. But I think underneath that, if they really thought about it, a lot of people would say, actually, you know, what, I think we should just, I should just stop being addictive fat people, because actually, what it is, is that I'm angry about something else. And fat people are an easy target for me. And it makes me feel good and makes me feel superior, because I don't have a fat body. Because my self esteem has been damaged in other ways. That's really, that's what I really think is going on, right. But you know, some people maybe are just dickheads. Okay, next, you shouldn't be happy at your sizes, I'm not happy at my size. And that makes me mad, you can be satisfied when I work so hard to be smaller and successfully. So to that, I would say I am so sorry, that anti fat bias has tricked you into thinking that having a smaller body is the only route to potty satisfaction, happiness, connection, and love. It's not true. If pursuing thinness and buying into beauty ideals works for you. Great. If it doesn't, there is another way. And finally, from that phrase, you're promoting the Oh word. You should feel shame. And I don't as weight is not a behavior. And even if it was my body size is not wrong. It's just a normal way to have a body also is existing promoting, is existing in the world, promoting, you know, like, I have I have dyed hair right blonde hair. Am I promoting getting your hair bleached? By being on the internet with blonde hair or walking around the streets? with blonde hair? I don't think so. But I'm not saying Hey, everyone, blonde hair. It's terrible. You know, and you know, where the fat stuff? I am talking about fat stuff. So maybe if I was talking about blond hair, maybe it is promoting? Here's the thing, what it boils down to? Are you promoting the O word? In a nutshell? Yeah. And what? And what? Really? Yeah, and what? And we go back to all of those things and what what what, I think that's bad. Why? Because fat people are bad. I don't believe that we're fat people are unhealthy. I don't think that that's a relevant tool to judge people by I think that people who are fat and unhealthy, or straight size and unhealthy also deserve dignity and respect. Do you not agree? No, I think we should shame fat people to get them to lose weight. Well, I don't think that that works. And it's not aligned with my values. Or it's aligned with mine. Well, unfortunately, it doesn't sound like we're, we're a match to be friends. So this conversation is over. But yeah, you know, like, there's some talking points, but thing is like, I would just say yeah, I am and what
and what they will hear from Yeah, I am and what is that? I'm like, Hey, I think all fat people should die immediately. And in fact, we're going to recruit more fat people do you know what it's like? It's like the fat agenda.
The fat agenda. We have this fat agenda that we're gonna we're gonna get everyone into the fat club house and, and force feed them put put pipes down their throats and, and force feed them and, and, and then people are like, please, I just want to exercise and we're like, Shut up. Do not move from that couch. You better be watching Jerry Springer. And never letting them leave and they're like, I just want to be seen and we're like you're never be seen again. Not because you're you've met the fat agenda. We're just gonna make your fat like that absolutely happens. Come to my house, you'll experience a fat agenda
basically, you know, fat liberation is Hey, fat liberation is is hey, we think that fat people should have a quality and be straight treated with dignity and respect, regardless of why they're fat regardless if they're healthy or not. Regardless if they behave in a way that you deem acceptable. It doesn't matter All right. So yeah, so yeah, I'm promoting the fat agenda. I need to get that on a t shirt or something promote join me for the fat agenda rolling the fat agenda is gonna get you or some sort of like fat agenda thing on my show. Maybe I should make that promoting the fat agenda. I don't know Anyway, whatever. Okay, so last question is I am non binary and just had a Berber. I'm struggling with body image and how weight gain happens in feminine places like the chest and hips. I'd like to see more images of androgynous looking people in fat bodies to help rewire my brain. I'm struggling with the quote, ideal of androgyny being so thin, but when I've looked for other beautifully androgynous body types in the past, I've only found thin bodies. I was hoping you might have some accounts, you could suggest that to follow. Yes, you know, so this is a problem in the queer community in the non binary community is, of course every community is is experiencing anti fat bias because, you know, we all have brains, right? And when we soak up the anti fat bias, sometimes we will try to stay close to, to, to privilege, our proximity to white supremacy as much as possible to show our worthiness. So people might say, you know, like, we know with fat, I'm fat, but I'm healthy and fat, but I'm fat in the right ways. You know, or, you know, I'm queer, but I'm thin and queer, but I you know, I don't I don't I don't engage in on that city. Pronouns stuff. That's a bit much. So we do see a lot we do see a lot of that. And so that is a big fat phobia is a big issue in the queer community, unfortunately. And so visibility of androgynous or Butch trans bodies is lacking. However, I've got a list of 10 for you. I'm going to make a an Instagram post about it. And so the links for all of these Instagram bios are going to be in the show notes. Scroll up what episode 1641 First of all, a.com forward slash 164 But I'm gonna read them out to you in case you're like, I don't know. You want to go get them right now and you're driving like Don't be driving and writing down this Instagram handles. But okay, so Jordan Underwood. Instagram is Jordan. No jaw jaw da Jor da l l e n. Hall H A double L. Caleb Luna? Instagram is Dr. Cheer breaker. Love it. Comfy fat travels J A pretty do so comfy fat travels. CO M F why fat travels on the Instagrams. Oh, just mentioned them today to Sean L. Harrison. And the Sean's Instagram is d A S H AUNLH. Brian Guffey and you can find Brian and black queer I R O H Hart. Hart is under trans yoga teacher. Net D Frank. You can find net to Frank under trans fats 3x e d u the non binary Jennifer Coolidge trans dot surreal illness. Matteo Valentino Diaz and you can find Matteo under happy fat trans man. So they they get out. They go. Yeah, so seek it out. And here's the thing, like I was talking to my therapist about this and my therapist is trans too. And I'm trans non binary therapist. So it's just having a nice good face. Rob. Don't you just love a face Rob? Talking about that, like fat fat distributing in places that are seen as more feminine. And so for fat people it can be more difficult to embody true brands nervous as how it feels good for them or androgyny or masculinity because the fat distribution distribution is in more, quote feminine places. Well, you can take low dose hormones, too, to move that fat around, is what my therapist told me. And so moving away from your hips, and your chest, to your ballet, oh, giving you a nice little belly, or big belly? Isn't it not so fucking amazing. So that could be an option. We talked about this before? Like, is it? Is it fat phobia? Or is it dysmorphia body dysmorphia? And I don't know, you know, I don't know, I've thought about this. And I don't know, you know, but the thing is, body modification, whatever you choose to do to your body, whatever it is, if that feels aligned with you, and you feel like it's gonna make you happier, and, you know, doesn't make you a bad person for choosing it, even if it does come from a place of fat phobia, anti fatness, you know, whatever. Because to live in this world, as a fat person, as a trans person, as a person of color. And indigenous person, a disabled person, etc. can be really fucking difficult. And so if there is something that you can do that makes it easier for you to survive in this world, then you don't have to answer to anyone, you know. And that goes to for people who engage in weight loss surgery, or diets. Like, I get it. It's hard. So, if at that time that is working for you, and you know, I'm not saying I'm not comparing, like weight loss surgery with, you know, top surgery or whatever, but, you know, totally, totally different things. But if you're still if you're not able to work out, like, is it fat phobia? Or is it like trans stuff? You know, I'd say don't don't stress too much, because so much stuff is intertwined, that we might not ever be able to pick it apart. But we can think about it a little thinking our gorgeous little noggins, you know? So that is the end of our questions today. Thank you for hanging out with me, if you enjoyed the show, and you appreciate what I do go to Kofi. Funny, you can find that in the show notes, links to those Instagram accounts are in the show notes. And what else do I want to tell you? You're amazing, oh, I got this book, needy by Maura glatzel. And she sent me because I won. I won. I had bought her book and then I went to the launch and and then at the launch, I want a copy of a book. Anyway, she signed a book and she also sent me some other things and the book is a book. It's called needy. She was actually somewhere in in his podcast, that's where I found out about her and she sent me some like cool stickers like Team needy and your needs matter. And I love needy people and some other things but anyway, I love this idea of being needy like because I've struggled with this, you know, like, just be chill, you know, like, especially because I'm dating. Just be chill, you know, someone's like, Oh, can I you know, can I do wanna hang out you want to come around? You know do is it okay if I like you know, smoke and you know, oh, yeah, I have no knees. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You don't want to text me for five weeks? Good. Obviously I don't accept that but a judge to to really answer chill. I have no needs. Whatever you on what do you on? Yeah, it's very hard to be needy, isn't it? The thing is, I do love needy people.
And I love helping people out and I think that's why I get on with my neighbors so much is I asked them like what can what can I do to help and and Can I can I do this thing to help you out? Like, you know, look after the dogs or, you know, last week I helped boost my neighbor's car twice. And you know what is I say to them, it it boosts my self esteem if you have needs and I can help you. So you're doing me a favor because then I can say on my podcast. I am such a good night. A neighbor, I boosted their car to wines. I wasn't planning on saying that. But anyway, it makes me feel good. And it makes other people feel good to meet my needs, right? And so I'm thinking about asking my neighbors to come around and help me with my rug, because it needs straightening out. I've got this really big rug, and it's really thin. And it like kind of, is not straight. But it's so big. I can't you know, I can't stretch. And so I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna ask them to come around, give it a Yank with me. And I bet yeah, they will have really appreciate that I have the vulnerability to ask for something, ask for help. And they helped me and they can go back to their apartment and be like, Look at us. It'll help us. We're helping our neighbors. We're improving communication and our relationship. Yeah, not that. I mean. Like, I'm such a great person I'm just helping people out with but I was giving them my knees telling them I need but I mean, it is it is great. Then I think about you know, when, when someone comes around your house, and imagine if you had someone around your house, and they were cold, and they were hungry, and they were thirsty, but they didn't want to say anything, because they didn't want to be needy. You would be like, Oh, my goodness, tell me. Are you thirsty? Are you hungry? Can I what you want enough? Can I What can I get? Do you need us some slippers? Do you want to do you want to cuddle? No, because it feels good to do that stuff for other people. Right? So I have to keep keep reminding myself, because I feel like and I talked to my neighbors about this. We both talk about it like being like, Oh, we feel like such a nuisance. We feel like a piece of shit like, Oh, we're taking advantage of people. And actually both my neighbors that I help out. They both say that like, Oh, we don't want to take advantage and then I'm feeling the same like because it's an equal balance of me getting things from them and vice versa of like, not wanting to be a burden. And I think that we should we should stop that silliness. Just be needy, be needy as Mother Father. Because if you are I love you for it. I love you for it. All right, well, you go off be needy, be lazy, be fat, fabulous. You just go out and be you, whoever you are. And we'll see you in the next podcast episode see Ilona Bali.
