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Beyond Words and No Words: Otter Voice Meeting Notes

Beyond Words and No Words

John Pulleyn43min

John Pulleyn

00:04

Hmm, I'm going to begin today with something written by a guy named pico heir. I've used him before. He's a writer born in Britain, lives part time in Japan, maybe full time now, at the time of this writing, it was just part time

John Pulleyn

00:28

way before the recent wildfires in in Los Angeles that destroyed so many homes. There were other wildfires, and one of these some years ago, burnt the house that he was living with with his mother there in California. Says that every photo, every memento, keepsakes, all his handwritten notes, which was he was going to use for his next three books. Everything was gone. He had to care for his mother. He was he was her only child, and he also had a Japanese girlfriend across the sea with two small children, says I couldn't work out how to be in two places at the same time. Friend suggested that he go to a Benedictine monastery, which is up along the coast of California, about four hours away from where he was living in. He thought, what more did I have to lose? Thought my future had disappeared overnight, and so had my past. He writes on the long drive up. As ever I heard myself fretting over deadlines, worrying about leaving my mother behind, carrying on an argument with a faraway friend. Then I turned on to a one lane road that snaked up to the top of a mountain. I got out of my car, 1200 feet above the Pacific Ocean and stepped into a simple cell suddenly, in ways I couldn't explain, all the debates and anxieties that had been slicing me up 15 minutes earlier fell away. The sun burned on the water far below, a rabbit was standing on the splintered fence in my garden, I stepped outside and was welcomed by a vast expanse of brush and blue for as far as I could see, I

John Pulleyn

03:17

it says, at one point, although I was alone in my silent cell, I didn't feel alone. The people I loved felt closer to me than then, when there were no when they were in the same room,

John Pulleyn

03:35

smile from a stranger went through me as no sentence ever could. Often, I just sat in a chair and did what is usually hardest for me, nothing at all.

John Pulleyn

03:55

He says later, it was liberation to be away from every distraction, but mostly I felt liberated from little Pico and all his chatter. Was freed of my social self and back in a silent self where I had no need of words or ideas. Of course, this is part of the wonder, the virtue, the amazing quality of zazen, of sitting in silence that's intensified, doubled down. If we go to seshin, go on retreat. So much of the power of seshin comes from that silence, from the liberation from our social obligations, not saying hello to anyone, not having to work things out, social things out. We have the opportunity, wide open opportunity, to let them. Mind settle.

John Pulleyn

05:13

Says a lens cap had come off, and now I could be filled by the world in all its wild immediacy. That lens cap, our notions, concerns, our preferences, worries. Second Thoughts, third thoughts, fourth thoughts, so wonderful to be able to let them go.

John Pulleyn

05:52

Says, Every morning, when I awoke I had no designs upon the day, I let the moment decide whether I'd pick up a postcard or just look out to see. Then he continued going back there. He was hooked. Over the next few months and years, I started going back for two weeks, three weeks, sometimes when the 15 retreat rooms were full seating with the monks in their enclosure,

John Pulleyn

06:36

even when doubts or shadows arose, I realized I much rather, I would much rather confront them in this quiet sanctuary than when I was caught up in rush hour traffic or the cataphony of cable news when my father was suddenly raced to the hospital, the only thing I could think of to do was to drive four hours one morning just to sit on a bench along the monastery road for two hours and then drive the four hours back. Isn't it selfish to leave your loved ones behind so you can go and restore yourself? A kind friend asked me, not if it's the only way I can learn to be a little less selfish, was my reply. When my daughter, then 13, was diagnosed with stage three cancer. I knew that sitting in silence above the blue green waters for three days was the best way I could find the clarity and calm I would need as soon as I stepped back into her hospital ward. I couldn't make Sashi sickness go away, but I could try to protect her from my own useless worries and resentments.

John Pulleyn

07:59

And then he widens in finishing, he says, In all my seven decades, I've never seen so many so close to despair as they are right now, our world is fractured. Wars are breaking out on every side, wildfires like the one that rewrote my life tear through every hill in those circumstances, the simple journey into silence allows me to step out of the moment into something more expansive. Not everyone I know can afford to go on retreat, but some liberation is always at hand, if only you can sit quietly, away from your devices, seek out a temple or church, just take a walk.

John Pulleyn

08:48

Years ago, the Trappist monk Thomas Merton observed, when your mind is silent, then the forest suddenly becomes magnificently real. It's hard to get tired of the bird song above the wooden shed or the sun rising above that distant hill. It's my mind that makes my problems. It cuts the world up into you and me, and complicates the simple after more than 100 trips into wide awake silence. I give thanks every time I come back to a reality far bigger than myself. Of

John Pulleyn

09:42

course, it's true for us too. We all have this refuge here in the Zen doh at home on our mat, anytime we're able to just walk work, anytime we can. Just take in things as they are. Once we begin to gain the power to drop the story. Sometimes we need the story. We have to figure things out. Everybody is dipping in to one degree or another. But can we cultivate that ability to know when enough is enough. We need nourishment, the nourishment of silence, whether it's a stunning example of natural silence, like pico heir was immersing himself in again and again, or just the silence of simplicity, just this,

John Pulleyn

10:54

the great sage, Ramana Maharshi said, when there are thoughts, it is distraction. When there are no thoughts, it is meditation. It's good to step back and look at our own minds, see how much of our bandwidth is filled with thoughts, sometimes explicit, sometimes just unfortunate, feeling tones, feelings of anxiety, greed, greed, anger and ignorance and

John Pulleyn

11:43

one of the keys to practice is to realize deeply that everything we need is right here. We have to go anywhere. Hear that a million times. I say it a million times. Say it to myself a million times.

John Pulleyn

12:08

Jesus is said to have said, recognize what is in your sight, that which is hidden from you will become plain. I

John Pulleyn

12:28

yet we run from silence. Partly, it's because of the world we live in. We live in a world where advertising gaining attention, getting eyeballs. It's been taken to the nth degree, read somewhere that in the face of the algorithms produced in Silicon Valley, whereas witless minnows flopping like witless minnows. It's you go to a theater or doctor's office, anywhere people are sitting with time on their hands and the phones come out you it, and most of us are familiar with that, personally. And

John Pulleyn

13:32

then there's just the nature of this country. Of all the countries in the world, arguably, were the most restless. It's part of the American character. Quote from Henry Miller wrote years ago. He said, the moment I stepped on the American boat which was to take me to New York, I felt I was in another world. I was among the go getters again, among the restless souls who not knowing how to live their own life, wish to change the world for everybody. Got that project going pretty good right now.

John Pulleyn

14:18

Silence is interrupted by our own campaign just to make things better, to improve, prove ourselves, get other people to behave better. All our striving, self conscious doing makes the noise that becomes the background of our life. Of course, there's, there are different ways of addressing that. You can try to make the mind Be quiet. Think everybody's had a little practice with that on the mat. You. But really, the most effective way to work is just to be awake, to be aware, to notice what's going on. When you're having trouble staying focused, you're being hijacked again and again. I watched this play out in my own mind. And when we're hijacked, when we're off suddenly thinking about something, having forgotten where we are, what we're doing, we're relatively helpless. You have to notice to be able to do anything. Then when you notice it's your chance to actually do the work, just open the hand of thought, let go. It's not easy because we're habituated, but the more we do it, the lighter the hold becomes, the more easily we can slip into just presence, just doing, just being So worth doing. And yet takes time. It's gradual. So that saying, if you walk through the mist, you become wet. So saying, in AA, slow growth is good growth. Everyone's in a hurry. Take your time. You Hmm.

John Pulleyn

16:54

We all know the value of a quiet mind. We all know the value of silence. But every time you try to create that, you aim for it. You're stirring the mind, aren't you, you're picking up the snow globe and shaking it. Keep it simple. You

John Pulleyn

17:20

change. We're confused because we think there are things for us to do. One sense, there are, but that's a really slippery idea, talked last week or a few weeks ago, about the delusion of a self,

John Pulleyn

17:53

our mistaken idea that somehow or other, what we do is what We've decided to do when science and close observation reveals we do things and then we make the reasons for them, the reasons we trot out for ourselves and for others. Don't get to it, as the Buddha pointed out, centuries, millennia ago, everything arises from causes and conditions. What we do and what we think and how we act does determine our life, but it isn't determined through decisions.

John Pulleyn

18:40

By taking up practice of awareness, we create the conditions that make change happen. But good change, real change, happens outside of our intentionality.

John Pulleyn

19:01

There's a story about the Buddha and a non Buddhist actually forms the case of the third, 32nd koan in the Mumonkan, one of the one of the major books of koans in in Zen, the way we have it titled is a non Buddhist questions the Buddha. And it reads like this, a non Buddhist once asked the World Honored One. I do not ask for words. I do not ask for no words. The World Honored One. Of course, that's the Buddha the World Honored One. Just sat still. The non Buddhist praised him, saying the World Honored One with his great compassion as. Spelled the clouds of my delusion and has enabled me to enter the way. Making a deep bow of gratitude, he departed. Ananda then asked the Buddha. Ananda was the Buddha's attendant, as well as being his cousin. Say a little bit more about him in a moment, Ananda then asked the Buddha, what was it? This non Buddhist realized that he praised you so the World Honored. One replied, a first class horse moves at even the shadow of the whip in

John Pulleyn

20:42

in some versions, rather than non Buddhist, it's a pagan or a Hindu. It's one of the things you can look at here is this whole idea of Buddhists and non Buddhists, us and them.

John Pulleyn

21:10

The Japanese Zen master Soan Nakagawa was Roshi kapleau's first teacher. Stuff about him in the three pillars of Zen, he used to use the phrase nose hole Sangha, pointing to the fact that we're all in Sangha together with everyone, all breathing through our nose. If you have a medical background, you may think of ABC, airway, breathing, circulation. Life is tenuous. If you have somebody who's in an emergent situation, medical situation, those are the first things you look for, is their breathing passage clear, getting air into their lungs, in and out of their lungs. It is their circulation, carrying the oxygen to all the parts of the body, so tenuous our existence, the Buddha often pointed out, without breath, your life ends right away. You there's

Speaker 1

22:22

a i a

John Pulleyn

22:44

series of reflections used in Buddhism. Of course, they trace back to the Buddha. They go like this, I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health, having sickness. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. Fourth, all that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. Then finally, my actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. What we do, how we use the mind determines everything. It's that quote that we trot out at workshops so often. Jose Ortega y Gossett, the Spanish philosopher, said, Tell me to what you pay attention, and I will tell you who you are.

John Pulleyn

24:12

Part of the shock of this koan, I think, for traditional Buddhists, is, how can this be? How can a non Buddhist ask one question, get one? Is it an answer? What is it? And walk away awakened? And how is it that an Ananda was actually later on, one of the answer, one of the ancestors after the Buddha, how is it that Ananda doesn't know what to say, what to do? Ananda was apparently a brilliant man with a phenomenal memory, according to the tradition handed down, it was Ananda who memorized all of. Buddha's sermons, all of it, all the sutras. All the sutras begin Thus have I heard? This is Ananda relating what was said. And after the Buddha died, Ananda basically repeated all the sutras for the sake of others, and they went down in an oral tradition. Sutras were not written down for hundreds of years, but at some point, there was some sort of conference meeting, and Ananda wasn't invited because he had not yet awakened. Somehow, despite his intellect, he's never able to get through while the Buddha was alive. We never know how long it takes before we see clearly it's really not our business. Nanda certainly never gave up. And one of the later koans recounts his encounter with Mahakashyapa, the Buddhist successor in which Ananda too was able to see

John Pulleyn

26:19

isn't a matter of Buddhist or not. Buddhist isn't a matter of man or woman. Isn't a matter really of clever or or slow. It's really just a question of directness, seeing directly, being simple, the

John Pulleyn

26:58

another Indian sage Ramakrishna, lived in the 1800s said, No one can realize truth which is utterly simple without becoming utterly simple. We could say without becoming completely silent, completely still, completely receptive, open. Of

John Pulleyn

27:39

course, the nub of this koan is what? What did the Buddha show? What was it as Ananda asked that the non Buddhist realized that he praised you? So I do not ask for words. I do not ask for no words. And the Buddha just sat still. This is not the first or last time that the Buddha responded in that way. It's a tremendous power from not opening your mouth, power which I find myself often lacking

John Pulleyn

28:26

been watching a series from the BBC. It's now showing on PBS called Wolf Hall. It's a trilogy of books, two of which won the Booker Prize in England, about a counselor of Henry the Eighth named Thomas Cromwell, played by the actor Mark Rylance, phenomenal actor. One of the most mesmerizing things about his performance is his silence. How many times in the middle of fraught negotiations and questionings, he's just still. It's tremendous power in silence, the power of not being hooked, not flopping like a minnow.

John Pulleyn

29:30

What is that silence, which is beyond words and no words? Well, it's beyond duality. It's beyond patterns. We're not laying a pattern over the world. When we're truly silent, silent with a capital S, then the forest comes alive. The world opens up to us and.

John Pulleyn

30:04

It's not our doing.

John Pulleyn

30:11

We enjoy it. Of course, we're not making it happen. Reminds me of the quote I heard from Roshi in a seshin from Franz Kafka. Can't remember exactly how it goes, but he says, just sit quietly in your room. Don't think of anything. The world will reveal itself to you. It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

John Pulleyn

31:01

It's easy. It's easy to get caught up in one sided silence. Get caught up in the idea of I need to be in a quiet place. Need to get away from people's carousing and conversations. I of course we should know better. Sung. Sang says the great way is not difficult for those who do not pick and choose when preferences are cast aside, the way stands clear and undisguised. But there's the relative side. It is easier in the beginning, for sure, I think right through to be in a quiet place, to be able to match the silence of our surroundings. But it isn't always possible, and that doesn't mean that practice ends. I

John Pulleyn

32:12

Yes. Zed Master Hakuin used to say that there is more value in breaking through in the midst of responsibilities and doings and disturbance than there is in awakening in a sheltered place that for the layman, more power is required, And as a result, often the understanding is deeper. I

John Pulleyn

32:43

a talk I ran across by Thai Forest monk. He's born in England. Name is Ajahn Amaro, and he was a student of Ajahn Chah, the great Thai Forest master. And he says, Ajahn Chah knew that cutting yourself off was not the place of true inner peace. This was because of his own years of trying to make the world Shut up and leave him alone. He failed miserably. Eventually, he was able to see this is not how to find completion and resolution. Years ago, as a wandering monk living on his own on a mountainside above a village, keeping a strict schedule of meditation,

John Pulleyn

33:35

he would be disturbed by the noise from down below. Says, In Thailand, they love outdoor night long film shows because the nights are cool compared to the very hot days. Whenever there was a party, it tended to go on at night. And back then, public address systems were just starting to be used in Thailand, and every decent event had to have a PA going. It blasted as loud as it possibly could all through the night. This is still the case. When my son was married in Indonesia, back in I think, 2011 the whole village came together for this wedding. Everybody who lives in the neighborhood anyway. The wedding tent was right in the middle of the road. Traffic had to go somewhere else. We stood shaking the hands of everybody who came in, dropping their little donations, a little bit of cash. Few of those envelopes were empty, but funny, watching them count it all at the end. And

John Pulleyn

34:53

then there were the speeches, and then the music. And the music did it went on. Live all night. Fortunately, for my wife and I, for my wife and me, we left after a while and went back to our motel and our hotel, whatever it was, the only room in the place with the air conditioning. But for my son, who was there with the family, he couldn't sleep all night. He was pretty, pretty fried by the time it was over. It's just living in community like that. There's there's no escape. World can be really loud. So for Ajahn Chah, sitting up on the mountain, kept seething and thinking, don't they realize all the bad karma involved in disturbing my meditation? They know I'm up here. After all, I'm their teacher. Haven't they learned anything? And what about the five precepts. I bet they're boozing and out of control and so on and so forth. And then Ajahn amaro says, But Ajahn Chah was a pretty smart fellow. As he listened to himself complaining, he realized, well, they're just having a good time down there. I'm making myself miserable up here, no matter how upset I get, my anger is just making more noise internally. And then he had this insight, oh, the sound is just the sound. It's me who's going out to annoy it. If I leave the sound alone, it won't annoy me. It's just doing what it has to do. That's what sound does. It makes sound. That's its job. So if I don't go out and bother the sound, it's not going to bother me. Aha. As it turned out, that insight had such a profound effect that he espoused that principle from that time on, if any of the monks displayed an urge to try to get away from people stimulation the world of things and responsibilities, he would tend to shove them right into it. He would put that monk in charge of the cement mixing crew, or make him do every house blessing that came up on the calendar. He would make sure that the monk had to get involved in things, because he was trying to teach him to let go of seeing meditation as needing sterile conditions to see, in fact, that most wisdom arises from The skillful handling of the world's abrasions. And, of course, that's the great virtue of living today. So many abrasions. The opportunities are endless, the insanity in the political world. How many times do we get the chance to just let it go, let it rest. Do what you can do, but don't fill your head. Don't rent your head out. Rent free to the people you oppose you

John Pulleyn

38:23

you don't try to fix what you can't fix. Don't try to do what you can't do. We can't automatically make ourselves wise, make ourselves awaken. We're

John Pulleyn

38:42

looking for what's here already we're so close to it, so intimate.

John Pulleyn

38:58

Centuries ago, the Zen Master Hong Ji is credited as being the earliest proponent of shikantaza, though I'm sure many people practice that in other sects of Buddhism as well as Zen long before, but Hong Ji said it cannot be practiced or actualized because it is something intrinsically whole and complete. Others cannot defile it. It is thoroughly pure to its depth, precisely at the place where purity is full and complete is where you must open your eyes and recognize it. When illumination is thorough, the self is completely relinquished when experiences and when experiencing is clear, your steps are then solid and grounded. This is our refuge. It's direct experience. You. Things as they are, things we like, the things we don't like, even our liking and disliking is just things as they are. You

John Pulleyn

40:23

don't have to grab anything. Just have to open you.

John Pulleyn

40:46

Just the breeze, just the bird song, just the ambulance.

John Pulleyn

40:58

So much space when the mind falls silent, so much good comes out of that.

John Pulleyn

41:22

Want to close with a quotation from Shoto Harada Roshi so Rin Zai, teacher in Japan, contemporary teacher,

John Pulleyn

41:38

says, Open yourself up as much as possible. This opening is the point of zazen. In fact, the mind becomes clearer in zazen, not through forced concentration, but through ever expanding openness. As we liberate our awareness, it becomes larger and more vast. To achieve this openness, you need to relax completely when you feel sleepiness or mental distraction coming on, when you find yourself getting fuzzy in your focus, don't try to focus harder. Just rest your eyes in front of you and aware in a way that you're clearly aware without forcing your concentration on anything true one pointed attention does not involve concentrating on one thing and shutting everything else out, but rather opening your awareness so that everything is seen clearly. Going back to the words of Jesus, recognize what is in your sight and that which is hidden from you will become plain.

John Pulleyn

42:50

Okay, time is up. Stop here and recite the four vows. I

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