Episode 139 - 8:9:22, 1.34 PM

Brooke Monaghan29min

Brooke Monaghan

00:00

Building a successful business is not about just making the equal right series of decisions for a few reasons. First of all, success looks different for every business owner. So getting there will look different for every business owner. And secondly, it is so important to prioritize what is actually sustainable for you, as the business owner, and most impactful for your clients and community. This is why I am always pulling my clients away from trying to do business the right way, and instead advise them to get really grounded in who they truly are, what truly motivates them, what matters most to them, and tuning into their own guidance first. From there, we focus on building the habit of showing up in a way that is sustainable, and aligned with their vision and values. And by creating something that they can show up to consistently over time, they build the skills that they need for their specific business and situation. But how do you actually do that? There are so many podcasts, books, courses, trainings on the business strategies, but how do you know what strategies are actually for you? Or which steps to actually take next or how to move forward toward your version of success rather than what you're being told you should want? And further, how do you do that without getting completely overwhelmed. These are the foundational pieces that we cover in my signature program transcend your dichotomy training camp, and I'm opening up a special bonus round training camp on August 22. In addition to my signature program, you'll also get live coaching with me every other week for four months access to a private community where I'm active twice per week, the opportunity to test my upcoming digital product for free, a live orientation and vision session with me all at the lowest price that I have ever offered. If you want to be the first to know when doors to transcend your dichotomy training camp open head to bit.li/transcend your dichotomy to join the waitlist. You're listening to transcend your dichotomy, the podcast where we break the rules that say we have to leave ourselves behind in pursuit of success. I'm Brooke Monaghan and I created the show for purpose driven business owners. Together we'll talk about how to go for your goals have an impact, all while honoring yourself, your desires and your values.

Brooke Monaghan

02:21

And last week's episode, we talked about leveraging simplicity, to make traction and grow your business. Now, if you didn't listen to that episode, that's okay. Let me give you a quick recap of what I was talking about in that episode. We are so good at jumping to the things that we should be doing more of strategies that we should be integrating things that we should be learning new skills that we should be building, and everything that we need to add to our list or add to our plate and how can we stretch ourselves to achieve all of that to do all of that, in that episode, last week, what I laid out was that taking things off of your plate actually is a strategy. So focusing on a couple of things that you can do really well. And that you already have the tools to execute on is going to get you so much further than constantly striving for the things that you're not doing yet constantly focusing on the things that you are have not yet integrated, or the things that you are not yet executing on and how you can execute on all of those things. What I propose is that you instead, look at your business and come at it from a creative and kind of playful place and look at what could you be doing that could be easy for you right now, that could be totally accessible right now, because you already have the tools to do it, you already have the skills to do it. It's something that you do really well. And that comes relatively easy to you and that you feel excited and motivated to do. And how can you just zoom in and focus your energy on just a couple of things like that, and let go of all of this other shit that you think that you should be doing? today? What I want to get into is, why is this so fucking hard to do? And if the work is not constantly striving to do more than what is the work, really because it can't just be as simple as doing less, right? It can't just be as simple as letting go of some things. And then like poof, magically things are going to come together as much as we might like to think that that's the case. And I do think that we are up against this this sneaky thing that kind of trickled into or snuck its way into our conversations about mindset where Okay, now we're no longer focusing on the right the quote uncle Write things to do in business. But now suddenly, we're focusing on having the quote unquote, right mindset. And if I just get my mindset, right, then things are going to click, if I'm coming at this the right way, then suddenly everything's gonna come together, the clouds are gonna part and everything is going to suddenly be easy. Now, I'm not saying that there won't be moments of that, when you get into alignment, and you get out of your own way, and you stop resisting, it is certainly true, that things come together in that way and get a whole lot easier. But also, sometimes, often actually, getting out of your own way, feels super fucking uncomfortable and hard, learning new things feels challenging. And so I think that when we think about this idea of simplifying things, we need to be on the lookout for this idea that if we do this in the right way, then suddenly things are going to come together and just click and easy. And if they don't, then it means that we're doing that wrong. To me, if you can take things off of your plate, and even get the exact same results that you're getting right now, that is a win, because that is all energy that you can use to experiment with other things, or to just fucking take care of yourself, right? It's so easy to

Brooke Monaghan

06:23

get wrapped up in this idea that if we're doing things right, then suddenly things are gonna fall into our lap. And if they don't, then it means that we're doing things wrong. So we should go back to the way we were doing things before, what I would challenge you to think about is, is the way that you're doing things right now working. If not, then you're not going back to that because of the fact that it is actually secure, or it is actually working, you're going back to it because it's what you're used to. And it's what is giving you a sense of control. So today, I want to dive a little bit more into this topic. And I am like riffing today, I have been going into podcast episodes, so structured recently, with a very clear plan for what I'm going to cover. And I sat down to outline this episode, and I realized, you know what, this is a riff episode. So here we go. So let's talk about the first thing that is going to happen, when you start to take things off of your plate, when you start to lean into this idea of simplicity, of focusing your energy on just a couple of things. And I'm recording this coming off of a session in the Rule Breakers crew, which is my group coaching program, where we were talking about this concept of what is your end of the deal, I've done an entire podcast episode on this. But I'm gonna recap it here because I think it's really important and really relevant to what we're talking about today. So it's very easy to get wrapped up in every single thing that would be present in your version of success and trying to control all of it trying to control the way that other people are going to behave the way that other people are going to view you what other people are going to think. And at the end of the day, you cannot do anything about any of that, the only thing that you can do is show up as the person that you need to be in order to create the situation that you want. So I challenge my clients and I was we were just talking about this and rule breakers to think about this future version of yourself in this successful business that you've created that you imagine yourself creating, and to think about who are you in that version of yourself? Like, who is that version of you? And when you compare that to who you are being now? What are the shifts that you need to make? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to be okay, just not being able to control what do you need to accept? And what do you need to cultivate. So it might be that you need to let go of fear that you need to let go of scarcity that you need to let go of what people are going to think of you that you need to let go of the fear of screwing up. And that you need to cultivate some more boldness or cultivate some more groundedness or cultivate more self care practices. Or that you need to stop lying to yourself and telling yourself that you need to get to x place before you can start giving yourself the things that you want and to be real with yourself about the fact that some of those things are accessible right now. And you're just not allowing yourself to have those things for one reason or another. Now, when we think about this, and the reason that I bring this up with my clients, and the reason that I'm bringing it into this episode, is because at the end of the day, what we're talking about is taking your focus away from all of the extraneous bullshit, letting go of all of the noise and just focusing on the few things that you can actually control. And it is the same thing that you're going to go through when you do decide to take some of the strategies off of your plate that are not working, or to take the sense of striving to do more off of your plate and to instead focus on just a couple of strategies that you want to execute. What is going to happen is it is going to feel very different from how you have approached your business up to this point, it's going to feel very different from probably how you've approached your life up to this point or jobs that you had before you started your business. And the key thing to understand here is that in your body, different often feels wrong. Usually, when you experience a very different feeling, the first thing that happens is you start wondering what the fuck is wrong here, what is wrong with this situation, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for this thing that must not be on your radar yet, that's going to go wrong to go wrong, feeling a little bit out of control. It's very common that when people when business owners begin to experience new levels of success, new experiences that they haven't had before that they really wanted. And now they're here to suddenly get really freaked out and feel pretty out of control of the situation. That's because it feels different, and different feels wrong. So if you listened to last week's episode, or if you've listened to what I've talked about in this episode, so far, about letting go of the constant striving to do more, letting go of the constant planning for how you're going to figure out how to do more things, letting go of strategies that you have been trying that just haven't gotten your results, and that are feeling like they're dragging you down and draining your energy more than they're giving back to you letting go of, you know how other people are going to behave or what other people are going to think of you. When you think about letting go of all of those things, if what comes to mind for you is, but I've tried that before, right? I've tried that before Brooke like I've tried letting go, I've tried doing less, I've tried simplifying, I've tried all of those things, and it's still not getting me where I want to go. My challenge for you. Or my assumption for you based on that is that you probably maybe you have tried it here and there. But you probably have not given it the same chance that you have given your current way of approaching things. And at the end of the day, what you're doing now if what you're doing now is not getting you where you want to go. Why are you still holding on to that so tightly, and not allowing yourself to open up to the easier way of approaching things that isn't getting you where you want to go? Probably because you're used to it.

Brooke Monaghan

12:50

When you do something new, it is going to feel wrong, it is going to feel off. And oftentimes the very first thing that happens is we start looking for something to bring us back to a level that we are used to to bring us back to a state of mind that feels more familiar, because we know how to handle that. So if you feel like, you know what, I have tried these things, though, and it hasn't gotten me where I want to go. What I want you to think about is Have you really allowed yourself enough space and time to allow yourself to get used to it. Because if you haven't, if you haven't allowed yourself to get used to doing less, if you haven't allowed yourself to get used to having a little bit more space, or breathing room in your business. If you haven't allowed yourself to get used to holding boundaries and not being completely stretched thin, then you are not doing it consistently.

Brooke Monaghan

13:53

You're not doing it consistently if you still aren't used to it. And so the work for you is going to be to allow your nervous system to kind of catch up with this new way of approaching your business with this new way of approaching building something that is actually aligned with your idea of success. Maybe you need to allow your nervous system to get used to moving without caring about what every single other person is going to think about it moving without being completely freaked out that if you mess up, then it's going to mean something about you actually allowing yourself some time and space to not do the things that you're saying you're going to let go of if you've been spending a whole bunch of time creating content because you still think that you need to post on social media like five days a week but you're not seeing the results from it. And you want to let go of that. You need to allow yourself enough time of not doing it for it to start to feel normal. And that is your work, you need to hold yourself to the commitments that you're saying that you're going to make. And the problem for many of us is that we are so used to commitments being things that we're going to do. And you need to reframe that a little bit and understand that sometimes the commitment is the things that you're not going to do. Sometimes the commitment is the boundary that you're going to hold. And what that boundary is doing is actually letting you off the hook. Right? If you don't do that, you are going to continue to sabotage this approach, you will continue to sabotage this more simplified approach. And you will continue to make things more complicated, you will continue to drain energy into worry and fear and doubt and, you know, self criticism and judgment and being in this constant, I need to just figure this out, I need to figure this out kind of loop, instead of putting your energy into those few things that you have identified that you actually want to focus on, and putting your energy into the things that you actually can do, and the things that you can control. Lena West, who is my coach who has been on the podcast before, she said in the episode that she did on this podcast, you can only choose one, you can't spiral and take action at the same time, you can only pick one. So which one are you going to do. And when I hear that I think about my own trauma recovery work, actually. And the way that I have learned that being constantly being in my head and being in this I need to figure this out loop keeps me out of my body and having to experience things that are going on in my body. And I think that the same thing, I think both cases, right thinking about you can only spiral or take action. Or you can only like you can't both be in your head with all those thoughts and also be in your body and process what's going on. I think it is so applicable to this here that when we are approaching things in a new way, it is so easy to start to get wrapped up in all of the reasons that this is wrong, all of the things that you need to figure out all of the ways that this is not going to work, all of the things that you can't control all of that. And we want to hold on to that because it feels uncomfortable, to just move differently. One of the things that I talk with my clients about a lot in the Rule Breakers crew is you can't just like think your way out of business dilemmas. As a business owner, you need to move different and act different and allow that the way that you are moving, allow that to create new habits and new ways of thinking about things. Right, they say like, you can't think your way into a new way of acting, you have to act your way into a new way of thinking. I don't know where that quote comes from. But I've heard it a few times. And it is so true here. So you need to hold yourself to this and know that it is going to feel fucking uncomfortable, you're not going to like it. And what you're probably going to do is you're probably going to revert back to constant planning, adding more the other things that you need to do, why because it's giving you a sense of control. And the problem with that is that actually doing that is keeping you from taking action on the couple of strategies that you could actually execute really well right now with the tools that you already have, and what the skills that you already have. Now, the other place that this comes into play, is when we talk about what your version of success is.

Brooke Monaghan

18:54

When you envision what it looks like for you to be a successful business owner, whatever your version of success is, some of those things are going to be things that are not accessible to you yet, right? Some of those things are going to be things that you truly are not going to be able to do or have until one day in the future when you have grown your business to whatever level but some of those things are things that you could be doing right now. And the issue oftentimes is not that you can't have those things until you get your business to whatever milestone it's that for one reason or another it feels uncomfortable, over indulgent, like you don't deserve it to give yourself those things right now. So for example, if you want to be able to travel and right now you can travel. If you want to be able to lock your calendar for a day off just for like a mental health day and right now you have that flexibility in your schedule your work, your brain is going to tell you that your work is to get yourself to whatever milestone in your business, because then you'll be able to have those things. But actually, I think that your work is to allow yourself to be uncomfortable and do those things, right? Fucking now. Why? Because if you don't, then you're continuing to operate on a false narrative that says that you can't have those things until you get to x level. And guess what, when you get to that level, that thought is still going to be there, and you're still not going to allow yourself to do those things. And what happens is, that is like a recipe for burnout. Because it's never enough. And you constantly have to strive for more, because you're convinced that when you have more than you'll feel worthy, when you have more, then you'll feel safe doing those things, when you have more than you'll deserve it and it won't feel over indulgent, because you'll be at whatever level, and when I'm telling you is, if those are things that are a part of your version of a successful business, and you can do those things right now, your work is not to continue spinning out, trying to get more your work is to do those things. Why? Because the longer you stay in this loop of, I can't have these things until I get to x level, you are operating on a thought spiral, you're not operating in reality, you are operating on something that's kicking off in your head, because this is fucking uncomfortable. I just need to figure out x, y, and z. And once I figure all of that out, then I can give myself those things. And that is not strategic. That is a impulse that is based on the way that you feel. So allowing yourself to do those things now that are actually accessible, when you're really truly honest with yourself, is sometimes the best thing that you can do to get yourself back into your body. Because it's taking you out of that spiral, it's taking you out of that I need to figure this out, it's taking you out of that I need to do more, which as we established in our last episode is simply draining energy from the things that you could be doing now. It takes you out of that and it reminds you that actually you have enough, you're okay.

Brooke Monaghan

22:41

You're doing a little better than you thought that you were. And now you can focus your energy on the few things that you can control. And you can make decisions from a more grounded place that is honestly grounded in reality, and not grounded in you just freaking out because this feels uncomfortable and different. And like something that you've never allowed yourself to do before. I don't want to see you draining more energy into trying to strive toward arbitrary milestones that don't actually matter, when you could just be giving yourself some of those things right now. Why? Because it's not sustainable. Why? Because it's not strategic. Why? Because it is distracting you from the couple of things that if you just put your energy into those, and starts draining energy into other things could actually have you making traction. Which brings me to my next point, which is if you're listening to this, and you're thinking, okay, right, but this milestone that I'm moving toward is not arbitrary. Like I need to be making more money, my business is not where I want it to be. So I don't want to just settle for where I'm at right now. Great. I don't want you to settle either. But what I do want you to see is the connection between the two. Because the longer that you are in this loop of I need to do more, I need to add more to my plate, I need to have all of these things on my radar, I need to try to control this entire situation. I'm not going to act until I know how all of this is going to go. The longer you're in that loop, the longer you are not acting and you are not putting your energy into the things that you can control and the things that are actually accessible to you right now that could have you making traction. Right? So this is where this idea of transcending your dichotomy comes in. It's not about choosing to take some things off your plate and accept a simpler approach and giving yourself the things that you want right now or striving for more. They're the same thing. It's the same strategy. It's simply about not being stuck in a delusion that if you do more, you're going to get further in that you need to constantly add things to your plate. And that the reason you need to add more to your plate is because you need to get to that level before you can have X, Y, and Z when actually that's not true. And instead coming back to the reality that some of those things are already accessible. And the reason that you don't have them is not because you aren't making enough money or not, because you're not at that level, it's because it's uncomfortable. Coming back to the reality, that things could be more simple, you could take some things off your plate, the reason that you're not is not because it is going to like send your your entire business is going to collapse. It's actually because you haven't done it before. And it's uncomfortable. That's it. Now I say this, like that's it like it's easy, it's not easy. That's why I have an entire program intended to support people in learning this new habit. Because I know that it's not easy, I know that it takes time. And I know that it's not just about thinking about it, it's about actually taking action from this place from a place that is really grounded in that reality, and moving differently so that you can build the habit and then through that, that is what is going to change the way that you think about things and what feels normal. And that's what's going to allow you to actually give yourself enough time for this to not completely freak you out like in your body and have you trying to escape that by going into this need to do more in your head because you think that that's going to give you a sense of control and alleviate that discomfort. What I want us all to understand as business owners is that while we want to create a version of success for ourselves where things feel easier, and not so forced, and we have the things that we need, and we're living a life that is actually abundant, and supportive, and all of that. While those are the things that we want, we act, we also cannot get wrapped up in this idea that every single moment is going to feel that way or should feel that way or is going to feel easy, or is going to feel super like juicy and cozy and supportive. It's not. It's just not. It is uncomfortable. It is hard.

Brooke Monaghan

27:30

But there is a difference between hard work in the sense of burning yourself out, doing more running yourself into the ground hustling, versus hard work of being present in your body and aware of the sensations that are coming up and the coping mechanisms that you were trying to use to escape that and how you're taking that out on your business by reverting back to hustling because hustling makes you feel safe. That is the work is to let go of that hustle. And to allow ourselves to get used to a new normal. And when you're getting used to a new normal, it's going to feel super fucking uncomfortable. Now if you're listening to this and you're feeling called out, and like you need some support and making this shift, then transcend your dichotomy training camp is the place for you to be. So next week on August 22, I am opening the doors to that special bonus round gave you all the details on that at the top of this episode. doors will be open for one week. If you are on my email list already, don't worry, you're gonna get an email when doors open. If you're not on my email list yet, then go to bit.li/transcend your dichotomy and you can go ahead and get on the waitlist so that you're the first person to know when the door is open and you can get yourself in there, save your spot and be ready to go. For the beginning of September when we kick off, we're going to be working together for four months. You have live access with me. I will be your coach for four months in a group setting. I'm really excited about it. I hope to see you there and I'll talk to you next week. Transcend your dichotomy is a production of passion and process collaborative LLC. This show is produced by me Brooke Monaghan with production and marketing support from Alex Henderson. If you want to support me in the show, the best way to do that is to leave a rating and review on Apple podcasts and share the show with someone who you know needs to hear it for free trainings my weekly newsletter or to join us in the Rule Breakers crew. Go to Brooke dash monahan.com That's mon a Ghan love y'all. See you next week.

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