And then at the end of it instead of feeling shame I felt anger, which was great love a bit of anger. And I was just like, fuck that guy. Who the fuck is he to say that, you know, to make me feel ashamed for for that and laughing at me and, and doing it for good Telly, you know and that it was a much nicer better place to be versus he was right, I shouldn't have said that I should feel embarrassed. And, and then in my head like a few days later I in my head, I wrote him an email. I didn't do it for real, but I still might do it. But in my head around me an email saying Do you know how much harm you caused when you did that? What I'm talking about is this thing called Master interview and so on the on the show, they'll have lots of different like, short interviews with you and, and then towards the end of the show, they'll have a master interview where they I guess they ask all the questions that they haven't yet asked. So that they can use footage of you like doing a voiceover or, you know, whatever. And this is the place where they will push you push, you push you push you because it's towards the end of the show, if you walk off, they've still got the show in the can, they don't need to worry worry about it. You know, it's kind of like if you see a documentary, and you see like, a, a journalist is with someone and and they're in the you know, the the idea is to expose them at the beginning, they're not going to be asking them the hard questions because they don't want to storm off right. And at the end, then they'll go in because they've got nothing to lose, go in with a really hard questions, and maybe the person will storm out and then that would make good TV. And so this master interview is so intense. It's one of the most intense things I've experienced, because you were looking looking at a mirror of the person's eyes. And so you're looking, you've got lights on you, camera, obviously. And then, and then you're looking in directly into the camera lens, but then there's a mirror of the interviewer. So that you're you can see their eyes. And so you just, you know, all these lights, and you just see their eyes, and then they're right in front of you physically, but then you're kind of looking to the side, but you're looking straight into the camera. And for me, it was about two hours, you know, started with honors, tell me about your life, and going over traumatic things. And lucky because I've done so much therapy and all that stuff is not so difficult for me to talk about, but then not talking about it in a compassionate way. And then going into more difficult things. And then when I wouldn't want to talk about certain topics, you know, because he was being a dickhead I'd say, Let's not talk about that. And, and then he would come back two seconds later, and let's not talk about that. And then he'd go again, less than to talk about that. And I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of me, you know, getting up and saying, you know, I'm done with this interview, because then that would have made good TV, I wanted to just be as neutral as possible. Now, I would have just been like, Oh, I'm just need to pop to the toilet and then would have just left you know, and just like so they didn't get good TV of me, me leaving, or I would have just said loads of swear words. So they couldn't use it that that's another trick that you can use is just being like mean using the C word or something because they can't use that, or just talking nonsense or something, you know, something that they couldn't use. Anyway, and so he was asking, he was asking me so many different questions to get a reaction from me. And I'm I'm pretty, I think I'm pretty level headed. And because I've experienced so many different trolls on the internet, there's not that many things are going to get a reaction. And so he was doing his best, but he didn't get a reaction from me, which I bet he was so frustrated. And because of that he was saying, you know, not inappropriate. Well, yes, because of the way he did it. But he wasn't being like, oh, yeah, your mom's a bitch or anything like that. But he was kind of like prodding it really personal things, you know, any words? So anyway, that's what happens. And so and so I was internalizing all that and being like, Oh, it's my fault, and no, it wasn't that was deeply inappropriate. They did that. The way that he did went about that was abusive, and that is not okay. And he has caused me harm. Because, what two three years later, I'm still I'm still talking about it in therapy. I'm still paying money to get over this is experience and it was just that two hour interview. It was like the aftermath and everything that went on that other. So okay, let's move on to how to self soothe.