including him means not bypassing, but also not using it as an excuse to devolve the one who can't stop. All this time I've been saying it's Eve the serpent, of course, today's journey started with soy serpiente. The one who can't stop isn't a woman. It's the fucking man, it's my fucking dad. And the spark jumped off the Gopal when I wrote that. But I am and I am not him. I also have a womb. I am also the moon. I am also a woman. I'm avoiding the fact that I'm really fucking binary. That's funny. I'm a woman with a womb, and I am my dad, some privileged white dude who consumes but of course, I'm also the whole spectrum. I'm the fungus with 23,000 things we want to call genders, even though they don't use that kind of language. I'm the fucking solar system, the forest floor, in the ocean shit beyond our comprehension. To really heal means the remembrance of the most basic you can't skip the fact that you're both ones and zeros and the infinite. If you go straight to either one, it's a bypass. So yes, the first diatta is to go to the little island and become Bob Regan and learn to assume the reality of the drunken Irish the Minotaurs labyrinth King's fucking quest, the Minotaurs labyrinth that was on the Emerald aisle. What the actual fuck like this is why I was tripping balls when I was a kid playing this game, and I was like, I don't know what's happening to me, but I can't stop doing it. I was obsessed with the game, and I didn't know why. I was like, it isn't even that cool, because I was in a portal. I was experiencing myself in the future, in this moment before it happened, and I didn't realize it. And this is the type of thing that happened to young, and that's why he's narrating this experience right now. Like, I literally feel him here right now, and he's like, it's okay. I thought that was going crazy too, dude. Oh my god. Okay. So learning Irish, I actually think might help me remember my blackouts, because I really feel like I have to remember what I forgot. Like, I know we don't have to, they say, to heal from trauma, but I think that I do, the blackouts are the language of drunkenness, I want those images back in my consciousness, even though they scare the fuck out of me, I fear nothing more than who I was and what I did when I don't remember. And all the songs that most resonate with me, with my healing, are in Spanish, and they were coming on the playlist today while I was writing this, which I take as confirmation, my guts turned for a purge, and I finally had one after all day yesterday, I needed it so badly. That's true. Surfacing. I can't hide only in the communities where I'm comfortable. I have to go towards queer and trans and drag and Irish people in environments with alcohol and drunken Irish people in environments with alcohol. For me, that's part of it, not partaking, but sitting in the discomfort being surrounded of not being in the same conscious state as everyone else. That's a big part of it, because that was my hiding. Was I can change my consciousness and they won't even know. The more healing you do, the faster you move through the cycles. My dark night of the soul yesterday only took half a day this time, and I finally, because I finally learned to just call it, I felt myself trying to fight it yesterday. I was trying to prolong, I was trying to redeem the day, but instead, I just said, Fuck it. And I went to bed at 730 and I'm so glad I did. Yay. Okay, if I'm Bob Regan, I have to go back to the origins, to the island where I'm no one. If we share the 13th con, then part of my path is healing his ancestral karma, the phantom pain in my butt hole that I've had since I was a child, that I always knew meant something, but I didn't know what means. I'm carrying the ghost of his shame. His worst fear is that he is a gay man, so hello, when