There's a link to this. Someone's website que si resolved.com. They say it's essential to develop and maintain healthy boundaries. Think of a boundary like this. A boundary is something allows you to keep what you want close to you and what you don't want away from you. This can be people objects, concepts, whatever you want. The main idea that, my dear, my main idea is that the boundary is something you maintain to keep yourself safe and comfortable. There are multiple types of boundaries, but the main types being hard and soft. So what's the difference? A hard boundary is something that is fixed something that doesn't let things in or out. In other words are hard boundaries always enforced. A good example of a hard boundary is not to drink and drive, no matter the circumstances. You don't cross the boundary of driving under the influence because it risks your safety, as well as the safety of others. A soft boundary is something that is determined by situations or by other people. And like a hard boundary, a soft boundary isn't always enforced. Using the car example, again, a soft boundary could be not allowing anyone to drive your car. However, in the event of you being intoxicated, you allow your friend to drive your car for you. In this circumstance, you cross your boundary of not letting others drive your car to avoid driving under the influence. Here's another way of thinking about hard and soft boundaries. Hard boundaries are black and white. Whereas soft boundaries are more gray. Although I use the example of drinking and driving your boundaries or whatever you make them. As mentioned before boundaries can relate to people, objects, and even concepts. So we all have we all have boundaries in our life. You might say, I'm terrible with boundaries, but you're not, you're not actually. Because imagine if someone knocked on your door and said, Hey, can I come live in your spare room and not pay any rent and eat all your food? You'd say? No. Right? Probably most likely, you'd say no. And there'll be a deck, right? They'll just like, Ah, I'm really rich as well. So I just know that I need your help. I'm just being a dickhead. Right? Yeah, and so say if someone came in spat on your shoe or something, you'd be like, a What the fuck, right? Don't do that. So we know how to set boundaries. It's when with people we love and because when we want to appear to be a good person, that's the thing is, you know what, sometimes people are going to think that we're bad people, sometimes people are going to say, You're too sensitive, whatever. Sometimes people are gonna be like, Why don't want to be friends with them if they don't want to, if they won't let me talk about how fat people are pieces of shit. You know, so you can be like, oh, I want to be friends with you. So how people react to our boundaries is up to them, right. And so you already have boundaries, you've already set boundaries, and you've probably got hard and soft boundaries in certain situations. And also something that can be a hard boundary in some situations could be a softer boundary and other well, it that would be that there'd be a softer boundary. But so for example, with me, in my life with people I know, I don't allow diet talk, as in them being like, Oh, I'm gonna go to a diet and sugar is bad and shit like that. Right? That's, that's like, I cut that out. However, say, if someone messaged me and says, says, I have all these beliefs that, you know, ABC or, or I'm struggling, and I Oh, you know, I feel like I can never get a boyfriend because I'm fat. That would be I'd be like, Oh, that's an opportunity to have a conversation. Right. And so I wouldn't be like, don't talk about that stuff in front of me because it makes me feel bad. Because I know, it's a like a professional setting, almost Well, professional, the internet, you know, but it's, it's, it's, there's an opportunity for education. Whereas with my friends and family, I want them to know what my values are. And so therefore, it's a hard, it's a hard boundary, that's not something that I will tolerate. Even though it's a hard boundary, I still, that doesn't mean that I'm going to go straight to your a piece of shit. I would, depending on the situation, you know, might do like level one on the stairs or level three or whatever, right? So but it would never just fly in my content, like it could happen once and I just don't say anything. But it would not long term fly as for a long term relationship, like at all. Okay, so that's hard and soft boundaries. And finally, I want to share with you signs your boundaries are being violated so you can see if that's happening to you. So signs that your boundaries are being violated. This is from Psychcentral. Number one, you have a codependent relationship. And so this when we're talking about go dependent, it refers to a specific relationship dynamic where one person puts their own needs to the backburner, and the others, that tends to avoid accountability for their actions. So in this section, they say, often folks believe that unless they sacrifice their boundaries for the needs of others, they won't be liked, loved or valued. So the belief that you having boundaries means that you're a bad person, and you haven't boundaries means that you will not be liked, loved or valued. And that's not the truth. Values route. Boundaries are such a fucking gift. Their huge gift. Would you rather your someone in your life say, hey, you know that one thing that you do? It doesn't make me feel good? Would you rather them say that to you? And you fix that thing? And you might feel like, Oh God, I'm a terrible person, and then you get over it? Or would you have that relationship and never know, when it could have been something that a value, really valuable relationship to you? And if you just knew this one thing, you could fix it or stop it? It's a gift to be able to set boundaries with others. Okay, number two, you have to set the boundary over and over again. Yeah. So we have to just be really kind of straightforward. And like, this is this and, and they out here, it might feel like conversation, Dave deja vu. So we just have to just follow through with what we're doing. And it's okay if they ask questions about, like, why this is important to us or whatever, but not debating whether our boundary is valid. Like a real judge, you're just saying this is what I'm going to do. Right? Not what they have to do. Number three, you have expressed discomfort. So they say here, you set and explained your boundaries, but they keep breaking them. Now, you're also expressing how that makes you feel, and they continue to behave similarly. Similarly, this is another example of boundary violation, a main sign that someone doesn't respect your boundaries if they don't stop their actions after you've expressed discomfort. If you've essentially asked for something to stop, and someone attempts to persuade you otherwise, or continues to engage in activities you're against, those are signs that they don't respect your boundaries. Number four, you feel off. Like here, they're saying you just don't feel good in the relationship, and they might that might also include how you feel in your body. Number five, they don't listen to or acknowledge you. A sign that someone doesn't respect your boundaries is interrupting or changing the conversation when you're sharing something important to you. Number six, they minimize or mock your requests. Sometimes it's difficult to consider other people's intentions when they say things quote, as a joke, or you're not clear if they're quote, only teasing, but sometimes humor may be a manipulation tactic to use to cross the line. So signs of a broken boundary may be invalidating or minimizing your knees that lead to the boundary for example, oh, come on, you can't seriously be that bothered by my phone calls at night, you get plenty of sleep. gaslighting may also be a red flag. This may involve saying things like you're just being too sensitive, lighten up. Number seven, they pressure you as possible that besides ignoring your request, someone may try to change your mind about your boundaries. This can be done in many ways, from ridiculing your logic for the boundary to making you feel guilty for setting the limit. They may also use a silent treatment or ghost you whenever you set the record straight. All of these may be an attempt to continue violating your boundaries and manipulating you into thinking their right to do so. And then they gave in this article, they give some examples of what to do if people are violating your boundaries. This is like written by counselors therapists. So yeah, link for that into the in the Sharma house. But this is honestly this is a perros. Sassaman last time, I talked to my therapist, I was talking about a boundary that I'd set with someone and being like, for fuck sake, I set this boundary five years ago. Why am I still having to deal with this, that like the fallout from me setting this boundary.