Bye bye Thank you Alright, um, so we have three competencies left. Hopefully you guys got this and had a chance to take a look at it. I put my reminders in scheduled so I didn't have to remember but now I don't remember when you got reminded or what you got each time so so the first one is demonstrating ethical practice. I'm just going to skip down to where it says what you need to do. What What questions do you have or what thoughts came up for you as you were looking at this?
I have a question about that. That kind of ethics like when the the test is given, or assessment, whatever they call it. Are there like, should you have like, memorized the code of ethics or a good understanding of it or
I so I don't know how they're going to do it, but it's gonna be proctored from now on when I took it, it was not proctored. So I had a printout of the core competencies next to me and a printout of the code of ethics. Next, most of the questions I'm told are going to be situational. So like, responding ethically to one of the situations, I don't think they're going to make you like respond word for word. I don't know for sure. They're coming out with some examples, like I think in early August because it switches over August 1. If you submit if you have 100 hours and you submit before July 27. Then you are evaluated under the old competencies and with the old coach knowledge assessment, which is not proctored. So you guys are sort of on the cusp of what you want to do there. But nobody knows anything really about the new one.
So when you submit it, do they then give you the test date after? Yes.
Or you choose one I'm not sure how that goes. But yeah. There is a whole I will forward you guys afterwards. There is a 10 Minute Video apparently that I have not watched but it's on the new credentialing path which isn't that different from the old one but it has these different these these little things that are different. So I will forward that to you and hopefully that will have the information that you need. I'm told it's very knowledgeable, very helpful. So that might help what else
seemed like to me it was like, if you're doing what a coach is supposed to do, then you're going to be okay. Right? You're not doing a therapy thing if you're not giving a lot of advice. And you all are already doing all of that so I'm not that worried about it. Yeah. All right. How about establishes and maintains agreements. So the ones in the session are things near the end the key skills What do you think about all that?
So those ones at the end are the ones that they'll really be listening for because the stuff at the top isn't stuff that will actually show up in our recording.
Correct. This is this is to some extent, if you look it says the bullet points admission agreement on what they want to accomplish in the session, identify their desired coach coaching outcome. If you do Tom's you've got this covered. Right and then you and you stick to the agenda or ask if they want to change the agenda and re you know, reset the agreement in the middle that's okay too. But yeah, if you're doing Tom's you're ticking these boxes already. Okay, and the last
one we're doing is number four cultivates trust and safety. Yes, thank you.
you took a look at this one. What do you see?
So this is probably don't send a recording of your first coaching session with somebody. That's what I hear in this because it's you're going to be able to demonstrate the trust and rapport and you're going to have that openness from the client more readily with a client that you've coached before. So that's just a tactical suggestion. I think this goes along with maintaining presence and listening actively. Right listening in the moment, really responding to what's happening in that moment emotionally and you know, mentally for that person and providing the support they need to sort of work through it, even if that support is saying nothing. You know, that could be what it looks like at times, right? Just happened to me again. Yesterday, I had a client who talked for 20 minutes leading a session. She had stuff to process she was like I've never said these things out loud. I need to say them out loud. I said okay, and I shut up for 20 minutes until she said, Okay, I think I'm done. Like Alright,
so I have questions.
Any thoughts about this guy? Yeah. I
have a question about that. Let's say that happened during one that you record like, I guess you wouldn't have sent that in though, right?
I would probably not have sent that in because I didn't get a chance to demonstrate my skills. Right. So, so that that wouldn't be one I would send in. But allowing that space, you know, whether it's a minute and a half or 20 minutes, I would send in the minute one probably more likely about 20 minute one yes tactically. Other thoughts?
What is meant by coach expresses support and concern for the client, which may focus on the client's context problem or situation rather than the client holistically?
What do you think it means?
So that whatever they brought up, that's what you're responding to, in showing support or concern for. And then I think what confuses me is the rather like, Is it is it may focus on the clients context, problem or situation rather than the client holistically or that it's most likely going to look like focusing on the context problem or situation rather than the client holistically?
I think it's, I think it is what you first said which is It depends what the client brings up. So are we deep in a work context it doesn't have anything to do with behavior other places, which is where I think but let's say it does, and that's where they want to focus then you focus on work and don't necessarily go so how's this showing up at home? Right, or that kind of thing? You might say, Where's another place that that you've been successful with this and be going down that line of questioning? Yeah. But you wouldn't necessarily dig in and say, okay, so how is this showing? Like, how do you do this with your kids? If they're talking about a work situation?
Okay. Does it help? I think a lot of our clients it is holistic because it's a lot about shame and you know, feelings and all that kind of stuff. But if they really just want to do I need to figure out a way to motivate, motivate myself to get my work done. And you start there. It may turn out to be about something else that also might not. So following the client, I think, really, as long as you follow the client, you're going to be fine. I'm not concerned about you all on any of these really, at a minimum ACC level and I think I've been coaching you more toward the PCC level. Honestly, in terms of markers and stuff. But I think you're gonna Yeah, you're doing all these things. All right. So looking at my spreadsheet. So everyone in this room has coached to us and everyone but Denise has been a client, including me. So we have options to have you need to be coaches today and two of you need to be clients today. First one to say it or not, it gets it.
I'll be a client.
That sounds like a great idea.
Denise I'll be a client.
I didn't just before we
I guess I'll be a coach that
idea. Are you Are you okay to coach? Me?
It's not I don't think it's going to be my most effective coaching. I will say I'm really not super present, unfortunately, but I will do my best. Maybe if I go second. Okay, you can go second.
Pretend like you have a coaching session and you can't like right, you got to show up and get some coffee. Melissa talks this last time we had a great coaching session. So you never know what you can pull out of the hat. All right. Hopefully. Okay, so Sam is gonna go first. I'm gonna have you coach Denise. Okay. Yes. And then Lisa, you can coach Melissa. Yeah, we've had those combinations. All right. Um, so Sam 20 ish minutes. Do you have a timer? Are you all set with that?
I mean, use my timer. A lot lately. Okay. I'm Denise, how you doing? You gotta you got a situation during your coaching labs. We had the hardest time getting clients and I'm so perplexed by it. I'm like, Really you none of you is stuck on eBay. You're all operating at total hybrid like what
I have a million things that um, but nothing like very coachable. So I'll think of something but so many
things are coachable. You'd be surprised. Alright, so I'm gonna spotlight novelist I'm gonna spotlight Sam and I'm gonna spotlight nice. I'm gonna turn mine off. And whenever you whenever you ladies are ready,
I didn't use How are you today?
Good. How are you? Good.
What would you like? To be coached on today?
Um, let's see. So I Sorry, I'm really distracted looking at myself right here. Okay, there we go. Um I would like to be coached on creating a bit more routine. This summer. I have my son home from college. We're traveling a lot. My husband quit his job is not going back to work and to start his own thing and I'm a bit out of routine on like, my work schedule and also a bit of my self care.
Okay. So, what I'm hearing is that there's there are a lot of new things like with your Sunday back your husband, being home and exploring new options because of quitting his job. I'm traveling so those are kind of the pieces but what it's really affecting you is it's affecting you in your work routine and your self care routines. And so you want to talk about creating more routine this summer.
Yeah, routine or routine and what my priorities are around what that would look like. Okay.
what outcome are you hoping for today during our coaching session?
Let's I would think just brainstorming on. What's important to me as my priorities, like what would that what's missing and what that would look like? Okay, and and maybe yeah, why it's important. Some things I'm doing some things I absolutely do. And then there's some things that I know that would support me more and understanding, like processing why those are important to me.
Okay. So it sounds like for the outcome, just what you want to do is brainstorm your priorities and what might be missing, why things are important. So that brings up the question then what about this is important to you?
What's important to me about this? I think it's just continuing to move more in an optimal zone of
just to be able to function at like, a more emotional like emotional physical, psychological level, just more awareness.
So for your whole person's body for your whole person. And so we will do some brainstorming and talk about the priorities. How will you know that you've gotten what you need from this session?
Well, if I've written down some things that spark excitement or processing through the why, so
All right. So where would you like to start talking about that?
I think it's around what's my, my, my priorities are even when things are busy. How to kind of put that list together for myself.
Okay, so what are some of your priorities?
Well, let's see some of my priorities. I guess if you break them down into, like the physical, emotional like the physical my priorities is, is is my exercise and yoga program that I do, I'm very good at that. So so on the that part is good. And then what I'm not getting in is potentially a bit more just stretching. That would in would be good. And then on the kind of mindful side of things, so there's the stretching, and then on the mindful is more I'm missing my quiet meditation or reflection time and journaling time. And that has supported me in the past with like, just setting my day or resetting my day. So right now I'm just kind of floating around without a bit of intention for each day.
Okay. So the exercise piece exercising yoga, that that's still going well, like that's a priority you have and you've been able to maintain that. And you mentioned stretching, might be something you want to incorporate more, right and moving over to the mindful piece. You're missing out on something that has been really meaningful to you in the past, though quiet meditation, time for reflection and journaling. And I'm wondering what's happened to that piece?
That's a good question. Um I usually do that first thing in the morning. So I've you know, I just prioritized other things getting up, you know, like my exercise and so I would just jump into that part of it. versus maybe like getting up earlier anything or finding a different time of day to do it. So I just prioritize differently.
Okay, so it has to do with the first part of your day. At some point in your life, this had been maybe one of the first things that you did right now, during the summer. You've prioritized more than exercising
for first thing.
What's behind that?
Well, I I usually I have my calendar blocked from eight to 10am every morning to like visually see that that's where my self care is. And if meetings like work stuff started to creep into that before 10am time period and then I just kind of let it go from there and didn't keep the 20 Like, my well being time as a priority, because I get up I'm a I'm a great morning person. I get up between wake up at six and I'm going by 630 ish, or seven, sometimes. And then so that's like three hours. So that should be plenty of time to do all my exercise. Do my journaling, meditation, go outside do some stretching, and get ready for my day and start my meetings at 10am. So but as we talked about it, like right now I barely have any meetings at all like it was definitely busy and May and June. And now July's pretty quiet. But somehow even though I have that three hour time period, I'm it's not finding other things to do. So that's interesting.
Would it help to explore those other things that you're doing or is there a different direction you want to go?
It's just a mishmash, like, you know, I think it's just talking through that. I think the main thing just saying out loud like you I have three hours like from seven to 10. And then I feel is that was huge. It was super sacred to me. Like I just would tell clients or whomever like I have other meetings till 10 So it's creating better boundaries for myself with starting things at a certain time.
And what would you like that time from seven to 10 to look like?
Yeah, that's good. Well, to fit it doesn't seem like when I think about it, it doesn't seem like doing you know, I feel like the meditation and journaling what would be super exciting is to go out to my backyard. It's so beautiful out there. And maybe I'm switching up routines where I'm getting up going and doing my exercise and or my yoga and then doing the journaling and meditation like before I take my shower and get ready by 10. So maybe shaking it up because it's so pretty out. Because in the winter I'm like, oh I kind of wake up and I'm like I'm just gonna journal in bed. Because I don't want to like around too much. But you know, it's beautiful and fresh air and you want to get up out of bed. So that might be part of just the shift, because I don't want to do my journaling in bed so I'm not doing it because I don't I want to get out and move.
It sounds like you've had a little insight there as to why there's a shift. And, and and I saw excitement before you when you're thinking about how beautiful your backyard is. Maybe going out to journal and meditate would be good. So what do you take away so far?
Well, I'm I'm taking away my creating continuing to create about a better boundary around my 10am That is my time. And I serve that I can. I'm fine to work in the evenings and do work on weekends like I don't need to shift and things into an early morning routine. Don't have to. And then just that I think the idea of just shifting the journaling and meditation, flipping it with the exercise and then the excitement of going out to the backyard and just being out there with a bit of nature will be super supportive.
So how will you make sure you do it?
Yeah, I was kind of already thinking a little bit about that. Well, it's with my family. It's just communicating with my family and my team members that they like my team members see it at 10am. They don't usually ask for meetings. It's mostly just even just saying, I'm gonna continue to block my calendar and, you know, they're working really hard right now. So I'm probably not going to actually say that to them. So mostly, it's probably about one big team members. Having my my, my family is like, like, don't I don't want to be distracted like I just will can connect with you after 10am in the morning. I think that's probably because the house is the most distracting part. It's really I can schedule my meetings after 10 but it's it's the telling myself and my family that this is what I need to do each morning.
So that sounds like the one thing that might stand in your way. A couple of things that could stand in your way would be team members trying to get in a little bit early meeting. But the one you want to focus on is talking to your family about not getting distracted from the self care
Yeah. Anything else that stands in your way?
I think it's just around the boundaries by telling people and myself that I'm okay to have that time for myself for my well being like self compassion because that makes me a better person. So just kind of positive self talk around it.
So what might be something you would say to yourself
it's probably around like doing these things. You show up in so many great ways when you do these things. It has so many benefits and and you get to have this You deserve this.
So just reminding yourself that when you do these things, you show up in great ways. And you deserve it. And you get to do this how's that sound to you?
easier than I thought it seemed very all like confusing, but it is very easy clarity and it seems very, very doable. So I'm excited.
And are there any anything else that you need? Is there anything else that you need?
No, I just appreciate you're holding space for me and I've written my I've verbally processing through it and writing my notes I think is is the best start for me.
Thanks. You're welcome Okay,
no, no, this now I could see well, all right. Thank you, both of you. That was like 15 minutes.
I know it was a short one. But that's
me turning my timer off. Sorry. It doesn't I can't make it not be.
And that was me turning mine off.
I thought I was awfully loud. Thank you. All right. So listen, Lisa, what did you hear?
I thought it was great. I mean, I just finished so good. It just so natural and good. I you know you you hit Tom Do you? You asked really like I liked the way that you ask the questions you know I I personally find it hard to sometimes create a what and how questions, you know how I want to see them and I feel like like when you said what, what happened to that piece when you were asking her about the journal? I was like, so good the way you just said that, you know, and and then you said what's behind that? Like, Oh, that's good, too. You know, I just, I don't know, I really like how you said the questions. And then, you know, I think her AHA came from when you said what would it look what would those three hours look like, you know, to you and you know, she immediately was like, oh, yeah, what would it look like you know, and that was a great question. And you recognizing her excitement, I think is is really good. And and you I like how at the end, you know at the end but you made sure that you know that nothing would get in her way and sort of reminded her in a way of the significance of this for her and and the motivation behind it. You know, and I thought that that was really good. I don't know it's great.
So yeah, I thought there was a lot of really beautiful evoking awareness, really great, concise questions. The ones that Melissa mentioned, were exactly the ones I noted when the client says that's a good question. Nothing's better than that. And just in the skills that we were looking at today, I thought for cultivating trust and safety, it's just done so beautifully. I know you were in a class together but it's really just come through that there's such a warmth. There a sight that that came through really nicely in the coaching as well.
Denise How was it for you?
Um, it's it was super natural. I like the efficiency of it. Because I was really like distract like, I didn't know it just all felt very confusing. And Sam was able to leave me into just a quick like reset, without like having to spend a lot of emotion around it, which I wasn't looking for to go deep on really anything. So that was nice that I didn't have to spend a lot of emotional energy in the coaching session.
Great, Sam, how supernatural how'd it feel to you?
Pretty good. That the some of those questions that you highlighted were were ones that, I guess came out of just listening to her and I'm like, Well, what, you know, like, it wasn't like a question I've used before and I'll pull out of my pocket again. It was just like, it just seemed like the natural next question to ask or a possible way to go. I noticed when I was doing times, like I asked a significant question. I'm like I never asked about measuring. So then I came I circled back to it.
And and then I was racking my brain like wait the wrap up, like
my closing times.
My closing time. So so that at that point I was listening, but I was also the other part of my brain was like the the what next? Kind of thing going on, but I was writing, listening and writing and thinking at the same time, and I'm like, I know that's not the best listen. But so there you go. That's That's what was going on for me.
I literally have a post it on my computer with the Tom's written out. And I don't need the first one anymore, but I still need the last one when I choose to use it. And so like yeah, I don't remember the closing times. I remember like what would what do you what's your takeaway? That's all I remember. So like just having it there triggers my memory and go okay, do we cover that concept or not yet?
Later on, could you go over the closing comps again, because we didn't actually do that in our class. We did it after a class I think. Yeah, so if so at some point, maybe later yeah, we
can do that. We can probably do it before the next one. And then you know, kind of implemented. Alright, awesome. So here's so I picked up on the same questions Melissa and Lisa, did the what are some of your priorities I thought was like a great diving in question like, Okay, so we're gonna talk about priorities. What are they go? Really getting her into it? But what's happening to the miss what's happened to the missing piece I wrote down as well. I thought at the time, I wasn't sure if it was intentional or unintentional, but the outcome she was talking about was related to priorities which is related to values and significance. So I thought it flowed just fine. To ask about significance first, and then ask about measurement. So you know, as long as you get all those pieces, you're in good shape, but this case is a sort of like, Oh, I could see why that would make sense actually, rather than interrupting and then trying to go back to that same same thing. So I thought that was fine.
Why did I start here?
What would you like that time to look like? I think Denise, you said that question was really helpful. I started that one too. I wouldn't wait. Denise said something she had she had an insight and she said that's interesting. And she was still kind of thinking. I think he could have left a little more space there. And my and my question immediately was what's interesting about that, like, What is she thinking about there? Where's where's it taking her right because that's a threat to follow. That does a great job noticing her insight and noticing her excitement about the backyard. Like just that observational sense of it if like this is happening, which got her kind of more excited to do it. Just lovely. Little interesting choice. I don't know what that note means. How are you? Sorry? How will you make sure you do it? Oh, take away take away not take away. So that was an interesting choice to ask, what are you taking away so far? But halfway through what was tell me what was going on for you and yet when you chose that
um, why I said so far or are just acting to take away
like it seemed it's I wasn't expecting it at that time in the in the thing. So I was curious what made like what was interesting about that to you?
Because I felt like she was she was getting things and she was writing things down. And so I wanted to see what she was getting. And, and if it was getting her where she wanted to go. So I thought if she vocalized it then then we could see if there was she had said something download what's missing too and then if we needed to explore some missing pieces,
so interesting about that, to me is you what you're curious about which I love how you were saying that the question sort of emerged like Score one for curiosity, right? That they are just emerging. It's like, it seems like the thing to ask next, like, that's really great, trusting the process. We just we asked you guys to trust the process, except that you haven't actually seen the process work enough to like follow the process. So it's a whole catch 22 We're stuck in until you just you know, do some of it. So that was that was lovely. But what I heard you just being curious about was are we on the right track? Are we getting what you want? And why not just ask that?
Are we on the right track?
Yeah, I actually the next thing I wrote was wondering about checking to see checking back to see if we're on the right track. Okay, right. So that was what you were curious about. Ask the thing you're curious about. Oh, at one point, you reflected back to her what was standing in her way? And I think maybe asking her instead, even though she had just said it. So I think you just said some of these things. But what could stand in your way and having her verbalize it? Again? In in the framework of that question, right? Because she said some things and they were standing the way things but it wasn't like under the umbrella of what would stand in your way and stacking them in there can help the client sort of slot that does that make sense?
Could you repeat that for me
please? Maybe I'll do it better this time? Maybe. Sometimes we ask the client like we'll ask the client something they just said partly so the client has to say it. So you know, she had said here are some you know, this is this is going on and it sounded like things that would get in her way. But since we hadn't it wasn't a response to what will get in your way. She might have stuck that that under that in a category in her brain. So asking her so you've probably said a few things. So you know, acknowledge that you were listening. What could stand in your way even if she repeats those things, it's now in that category in her brain of the things that could get in my way that I need to be aware of. And her saying it is going to slot them there more concretely than you saying? Does that make better sense?
Did it make enough sense
I think so. Okay, so. So asking. Instead of clicking it in the question, just say, Okay, I heard you say this, but I'm not saying those are some things that could get in your way What else could get in your way? Which is how I think I said it, just just say, here's what I heard and say what could stand in your way?
Yes, cheeping or whatever.
Okay. Do you see how you made a judgment call there about what could stand in her way? Instead of letting her decide what stands in her way? Little one, okay. Because it's a real little one. It's not like it's gonna knock you off or something but a couple times you asked, Is there anything else? And I would just encourage you to change that to what else? Okay, you get more answers that way, often more layers of answers and if there's nothing else, they will tell you there's nothing else that's a little thing. And you pick this up the second time, but she said at one point, she was talking about telling her team telling her husband her family, telling herself as soon as she said that my ears perked up. I was like, What's going on there? That's interesting. That seems like a thread to pull in the second time you kind of pulled it by asking about what would your self talk be around this and I think that was a great idea to have her, you know, enunciate, what would this be? So she could kind of practice for the first time. And also, make sure you're listening all the way to the end of something to get that that little nuance of talking to myself. Like I would have just asked a very open. So So talking to you are you know that you need to talk to yourself, Okay, so tell me about that talking to yourself about about okay, because to me, there's a there's a block there, right. So what's that block and how do we remove it? Yeah. Yeah, and then the closing like you said, the closing times, was not all the way there but sometimes it's not. So it's fine. But overall, I agree it flowed really naturally. And you're asking terrific questions. Almost all what and how questions. Your reflection ability is excellent. I don't reflect that. That. That detailed enough. Like, I'm like, Well, I got the gist. That's what we're gonna reflect, which works for my client. So that's fine. But it's really quite beautiful. And I thought you were really natural with the Tom's in the beginning. Really nice work. So I am finding things to nitpick at y'all. Like these are not major problems. Anybody's having coaching. It's like okay, here's some improvements. But it's not like fundamentals that are missing or anything, right. So they just so impressed by it. Well, how are you feeling?
Good. I feel like I've gotten some ideas on how to tweak things. And and how to watch out for making those making judgments that I might not have even thought of as a judgment just like I categorized it and and maybe she wouldn't have categorized it that way. So so simply saying it without categorizing it, and then asking the question, yeah,
and honestly, if there's something that you heard her talking about, that you think could get in her way, then out you can ask about that afterwards. So I noticed you didn't mention this part. You know, how's that figure into this whole situation? Something simple like that. Yeah, but yeah, that's great. Good takeaway. Okay. I'm gonna stop talking now because it's been a lot. No, I'm not. We're gonna go over closing Tom's real quick. Okay,
can I have one more question before we get to that? Of course. So I thought it was, as I said, really, really great. And this question is in the interest in under of understanding what they will pass and what they will fail. If she had been at 20 minutes would that have passed? Because I feel like it should have like it would in my head be like a great coaching session. She did all this stuff. I just want to understand just how, how much they need to pass you.
So if it had been at least 20 minutes, because it's 20 to 60 minutes, right. I think that probably would have passed. I think the couple things I mentioned are the things where she strayed away from the like, here's what you want to see, like asking if I were on the right track. That's one of the things that's specified in here is a good thing to do. For I don't know one of them, but I remember seeing it, it was I think it's one of our ones for today. Right? So that's a good one to add. But yeah, I think that would pass I would have to go through and look at markers and look at specifics. But it felt good. Yeah. And remember, you only have to pass it the minimum ACC level. You don't have to be the perfect coach and you guys are doing really great work. You certainly stuck with her agenda. You know, you stuck with what she wanted to talk about. You followed her. You read between the lines a couple times. Like yeah, she did nice work. I get into the critique and I forget to say that it was very nice work. It's a good question, Melissa. I think it would pass. I'm not an assessor but I think it would pass. Yeah, I suspect all you guys are gonna pass. I'm like, I listened to you, coach. And in this group. I'm like, oh, yeah, y'all got it. We're just we're just fine tuning now. All right. All right. So closing toms. Do this in less than 10 minutes. Let's see if I do it. I'm closing Tom's he's only one s first of all, the T is the time. So it's sort of the start of the wrap up. I'm mindful of the time is a nice quiet is a nice thing to say. You can say we've just got a couple of minutes left or whatever. But this was one that somebody in a coaching lab used that I like was I'm mindful of the time and then they can look at the clock and see there's only five minutes the OH is kind of outcome, which is what are you taking away today? This one I find really useful because sometimes it feels redundant. Because they've just given you the plan of what's going to happen, right or you've just talked through it. What I find is sometimes they say, Well, I'm taking away the plan that we just did go okay. And sometimes they come up with something totally different that I'm like, really? Okay, cool. You know, like I don't let that I just go you know who to smile nod. But like you just okay, that's and that tells you a lot about the client for next time. It tells you about the work you did, et cetera, et cetera. So that question has become one of my favorites at the end. And the M is for movement forward. So questions like what's the first step you're going to take? To put this plan into motion or whatever it is? Or what's the next step? Whatever, whatever fits with what you've been doing is writing and then the S is what support do you need? And we specifically put it like that rather than what support can I give you? Because we want them to think about their outside support. We want them not to need us. Right? So setting it up that we are the support. Like when the engagements done, we won't be there to support them. That doesn't mean if they say could you check on me on Friday or whatever I set up a scheduled email did you do for them? You know, but I don't do it very often. So starting with what support do you need? Maybe they ask you for something but more often it's like, I need to talk to my spouse about this and get him on board with it or get her on board with it. That kind of stuff. Yeah. How's that feeling?
That's great. That's really great. I mean, we especially learned that in the class, but I like having it like that.
Yeah, like have your framework. It's kind of nice. Thank you. Yeah, of course. Any questions, thoughts about that? Okay, or at least how are you feeling? Okay, good.
So caffeine, good to go.
My sister brought me my favorite version of my coffee and I'm supposed to happiest they made it beautifully. Okay, so I'm excited for 20 minutes, you've actually got a little bit of leeway because the last one was like 14 or something amazing. You both are such efficient brains. It totally makes sense that you're like and got it we're done.
Because our coaching coaches is always so fun.
Coaching coaches is so lovely, isn't it? So you're not by the way, you're not supposed to send in a recording of you coaching a coach unless you have a relationship, like a coaching relationship with that person and they happen to be a coach. So better to send in a client that you've you've had for a while and you say hey, I need to do this. Can we record a session? It's nice to record several and listen to them. I haven't figured out the structure of this. I'll email it to you but I'm going to offer to listen to a couple of recordings or you know, one recording two recordings, whatever you want it to be and see what I think about where you line up once I finished this markers class I'm in. So that may be helpful. Okay, so Samantha and Denise have already gone away. Spotlight Lisa, I'm this like Melissa it gets very funny that this whole class of coaches all wants to be clients. god darn it, I
have to coach
Alright, are you feeling you ready? Melissa? Got problem. Okay. Lisa, you got a timer or whatever. You need. Alright, I'm gonna go away.
and off you go. Hi, Melissa. I'm glad we're getting to connect.
I Lisa that we do.
So what would you like to be coached on today?
Okay, so I may need to process a little bit more. I really understand that exactly. But so I initially had a lot of referrals. Very fortunate to have a relationship with a pediatric practice. I think I've said this before at nauseam, but it explained that a bit and I had a lot of clients sort of at the beginning when I wasn't quite ready. Still not feeling exactly ready but had a lot of clients and they are for the most part. Those first clients were parents. And I was working with parents and their packages was winding down and now they're, they're done. So my I mean, a low right now, which on the one hand is really nice in the summer. And it's given me time to sort of do a little bit more education, although I haven't quite done what I want to do, but it is also now coming to the point where I'm like, Okay, do I need to put myself out there and I am really hesitant about it like I I just I have other referral sources that I know I can reach out to easily. They're somewhat personal relationships. I am so anti social media, it for myself. And I am just I know that I have some there was something that even if I'm not ready this week or next week, I already know that I don't want to put myself out there. And I I know that I if I want to actually have a you know a business that makes money I'm gonna have to do that at some point and I'm just have such resistance to it. So I want to find a way not to have resistance.
Okay, so I'm hearing that you are having a slower period with referrals right now. You do have a few possible connections to receive more referrals. And then it sounds like you feel like you have to go on social media. Is that the is that your
show? It's not that I have to because I I don't think I don't really believe that there's any one way to do something but but if those initial potential referral if I were to reach out to them and nothing presented itself that would be the next step most likely and and I wouldn't I already know I don't want to do it but but it's it's really just either reaching out to the the other, you know, local referral sources. I don't know, there's this hesitancy and I, I do understand that, you know, there's this whole imposter syndrome thing. That's a piece of it, but it's not I don't think it's the whole thing and I don't know it just I'm not comfortable about putting myself out there.
Okay, okay, a lot of hesitancy and discomfort with the idea of seeking out referrals, kind of, regardless of in what form it might take right now. Right. Okay. So what are you hoping to get out of this session?
The question, what am I hoping? I think insight into what the actual barrier might be and maybe one very, very, very little first step.
So how can we measure that?
From the inside I think I'll know I think I'll be able to verbalize back like oh, okay, that's it. But the baby step I think is something that will be a concrete action that at all have written down.
Okay, so an action step and some sort of maybe explanation for the insight of how you're why you're feeling this way. Is that
Yeah, or yeah, um I don't know. Like, even as I'm talking about it, I'm literally having a physical reaction on the inside like I just, I think insight into why I have resistance.
Okay, okay. All right. I can sense a lot of it in just your body language. Yeah. Attention. Okay, great. And so why is that important to you to figure out right now?
Well, it's important to me because I sort of feel like that. I want to have this as a business. I want this to be something that is lucrative and I I don't I don't want to have feelings of hesitancy about about it. I just, just don't it doesn't feel good.
It's not a good feeling to be in this place. Okay, so with that in mind, then where would you like to get started?
Talking about it. All right.
Getting to the discussion. Yeah.
Okay, so um honestly, I'm really like it's such a block I guess. Wow. I really blocked what is getting in my way of figuring it out or moving on it? What's getting in my way of moving on?
Or even what is what's getting in my way and even thinking about moving on it?
What's coming up for you right now?
Is literally physical. I had a complete brain fart when you asked me where to start, like complete, and that almost never happened for me. Almost never. So now I'm in that and this is a little bit of a ah, so like, it's bigger than I even realized.
What other situations does that happen to you? And
can you clarify that question? Oh, you
sent it you just kind of had a brain fart moment, right, which almost never happens. Right? So when does that when else does that come up for you?
It really doesn't and it's not because I'm all knowing it's just I I pretty introspective to fall doesn't mean I'm good at it. It just means I think a lot like you know in those ways, then. I don't know. I don't experience that often. So but what I do know is that it's really telling to me, like because I had to come up I didn't think about you know, today's mentoring like, oh, I might be a client. Like I didn't think about that. And then when I realized, oh, wait, I'm gonna have to be a client once I coach and I really don't want to coach. So I guess I'm gonna be a client so I have to come up with a problem and I hadn't really thought about this all that much. I mean, I've always talked about how I hate social media in you know, in, like putting myself out there. Anyone having to do that, but, but I hadn't even really thought about it. That's how buried this has been.
So what what's what's the worst part of a bit of thinking about it?
I think because I know that once I start thinking about it, I will likely have to push myself to do something about it because now it's going to be under my skin. So
I think I that my unconscious thoughts were by design. So yeah, that's the worst part. And what's hard about doing something about it? I I am just really
uncomfortable. I have always been a person that like just I don't like to ask for help. I don't want to do like my my father was in sales. My sister was in sales. They both talk a lot like I do. And and, you know, my father would say like, you'd be perfect for sale and like, No, that is so like, that is to me, that is just the worst hell imaginable. So and this is this is the part of coaching that I'm really you know, I'm not interested in the business part of it. I my values are about helping people. I want to help people. Now that's in my former career. That's what I did and I that is what I feel, you know, drawn to do and the sales for lack of a better word part of it is just just hating it just doesn't feel good. Or natural. Yeah, and, and there is, like I mentioned, you know, this whole imposter syndrome thing because it's still so new. And I'm not feeling I'm feeling confidence around certain parts of this business but in the coaching, but but the formal, you know, the true coaching I'm not feeling entirely confident about so that feeds into it a little bit, I think.
Okay, so the discomfort and then hearing is coming from having to do some sales to to get these referrals as well as the imposter syndrome.
Okay. What else? What else is coming up for you?
Um, you know, again, like it's really critical right now I'm like, and it's an interesting day for me to be talking about this because I have these two new consultations today and, and that part, I don't mind because they came to me, right. I didn't have to reach out to anyone. I didn't have to do anything. Although, now I'm feeling a little more pressure like okay, I really want to get these clients because if they're a good fit, because I don't want to have to do that other stuff. It's interesting that this is happening today. And and I think like today is, you know, just a little more loaded because of that, you know, this
competition. Yeah. To those getting these clients without the referrals, how does that factor into the discomfort?
Wait, what getting the get the client should I mean, yeah, no, it's just that that doesn't really factor in so much to the discomfort That's actually great. You know, but I, it feels a little bit more pressure to to, you know, have the clients because if I'm you know, filling up again, with my one big referral source or you know, online or what the website, then then maybe I can push off this idea of putting myself out there, further down the road when I'm feeling you know, maybe more confident about it.
Okay, okay. So what would you need to feel more confident about?
Right, so I think okay, so what so the it has to do with some of the referrals. So there's some of the places that I'm going to go to and a couple of those are local schools, where I have relationships with the learning centers, and I know that the best way to go about this is to offer a free parent parents in a workshop for you know, like, how to help your kids get their homework done by Baba Baba. You know, like that kind of thing. And I or just specific to ADHD because I taken another certification and doing that, but I'm not. I hadn't really been able to focus on that because I got into the coaching right away. So I don't feel like I'm really prepared yet. To do that. I have to sort of really dig in more and actually create a these workshop. And and I think, you know, once I, once I put aside the time to do that and actually follow through that, I will feel a bit more confident. And that actually can't even happen until September because they're not even in right now. But, but it will take me a while to do that, you know, on top of the fact that I'm taking care of my parents in a way right now and my kids and so there's a lot on my plate, but yeah, so I think that maybe the sooner I do that, then maybe I'll feel less hesitant to make those first connections.
Okay. So what steps would what would be your first step going into creating the workshops?
Right, so Okay, so I have a number of things that I've accrued books, webinars, its course, where I have a lot of information from different places, and I need to just put it together. So we're writing a paper, right? Like it's similar and I just have to literally sit down to do it. So, you know, social skills like one on social skills, you know, like I've got some different ideas and I just have to physically take the time to do it. But again, it's sort of like, even though it's quiet right now. There always seems to be something else that still has to be done. It feels a bit overwhelming. So I think maybe I need a I need to break it down into a smaller piece so that it isn't overwhelming and it's not so time consuming. So the first and this is my you know, I think this is good. I think the first step has to be not very time consuming. And really small in terms of starting to write. Yeah, so what? So what could that step be? Right? What could that be? Maybe it's literally that first step is just getting all of the resources out and on my desk and sort of just eyeballing just how much I have an if I think there's a missing piece. Okay.
How long do you think that'll take you?
I mean, that could be really fast. It could be really long. I suppose that that it's hard to know. But if I if I just put an hour aside you know, I think that that that's not that overwhelming for me this way. I know it's just an hour. You know, I tell my kids all the time. You only have been hit her vehicle just start to start five minutes and you know, see where it goes. But the same concept I think if I know it's just an hour but then I'm gonna look at this. Maybe that will be so overwhelming. I'm still feeling a little hesitant but that isn't doable. First, action step.
Where's the hesitancy coming from with this?
With what we've heard, is it not this part of it. That's actually going to be hard. It's that then I know what I'm gonna do with it later on. But it's so I think what would be helpful for me is if I reframe it as unjust doing doesn't mean I have to you know, actually do a workshop. I'm just looking at this right now.
Does that feel like enough for now? Yeah. Is there a way we can make it even less overwhelming?
I mean, I could cut the time down, half hour. But it's, it's not even the time as much as it's the action of just you know, doing it just committing to to look at this and I was really really motivated at the beginning. You know, this is part of why like i i put the time into getting the information reading everything, but it things just got busy. And I just did and that's another thing. It's like my working memory is not so great. So, you know, it's sort of like, wish I just done this when I was when it was more present in my brain. Like I gotta go back and do this, but I can't even get over that.
Well, where did that motivation come from the first time?
Well, I so I think that I, you know, I finished this other certification, which was the parent behavior training, certification and we were basically handed a you know, a licensed eight week course that we that I could facilitate, and I don't like it if I didn't like the way she did it. I love the information is great, but you know, I just have a lot of these pieces. That I want to do and these other workshops came from that. So I sort of did my own. I already did that one. I haven't presented it but that motivated me to be like oh, I and that is where the motivation, you know from that certification. She's like, this is how you get your clients you know, you go to schools, and she has a bunch of these smaller workshops that she does for free and gets the parents and then sets them as clients. So yeah, so I think it's a great, it's a great model and I have the relationships with these people which makes it like 10 times easier. But I'm still I don't know, not not feeling as motivated as I was to actually dig in to do that. But I do feel like, you know, having this first step like I don't know that my resistance is gonna really budge all that much. So I think that that taking this first step is probably enough for for me right now.
Okay, I am mindful of the time so we do just have a couple of minutes left.
So at this point, we have a bit of a plan. So can you just run that by me again? Right. So I think what I need to do is I need to look at my calendar and commit to a time period when I'm going to do this because if not on my calendar with a specific time it will be lost in the universe. So I need to do that and then do the half an hour, the hour, whatever it is of getting out the material and looking to see what it is and what I still need before I begin.
Okay, great. Okay, and so, what are you taking away from our session today?
That I need to really explore what my resistance is to putting myself out there further. Okay, and and this step which does feel good, but that part does feel good. So, you know, it is it's more you know, I mindful about it now, and that is you know, is is big, so, it was good, that sounds okay. And
so what's the very first step that you're going to take?
I'm gonna put my calendar, I'm going to look at my calendar and one more off of the call and I'm gonna find the time and I'm gonna put it in their pocket out
and what support do you need to keep you on track with that?
I mean, I don't think I want to think I'm and I'm just going to do that. And there really isn't anyone that is you know, going to be standing over. I don't think I need support for that. Okay.
Is there anything that you can see that might get in the way of you going through at that step? No. No. Till very committed
to it. Yeah, that taping up. That's okay. That that's not scary.
Well, it was really good talking with you, Melissa.
Thank you for helping me with that. I appreciate
it. I wish we could have talked for the rest of the hour I so much left unexplored there is we think it seems like a good first step.
Yeah. I do too. Thank you coming Doot
doot and get you out. Okay. Nice work, y'all. So Sam, it's a nice watch it here
first of all, I thought it was a challenging topic to be brought forward that that resistance and fear but I thought you did a good job of following along with her and and also like, saving things and I love how like you, you kind of said this is what I'm hearing. And she's like, No, it's not that and I'm like, that's the that's the beauty of restating things. Whether it gives, even if you're wrong, or even if you didn't get it the way that they were trying to say is that it gives them the opportunity to provide clarification for you as a coach, but it provides clarification for for themselves as well. And I one of the questions I thought was, what's the worst thing about it? Um, one question that stood out and I got her saying, once they start talking about it, then I have to do something about it and and so then you followed up with well, what's hard about doing it? And and she went, she had a lot of points there. And like it could have been a lot of different threads that could have been pulled out. But you just kind of restated a few of the things and and asked the what else question and and there was some other things came Oh, and then we're to the clients today or the customer should talk to. So what would you need to feel confident was another great question. And also what would be your first step to creating a workshop? And then by the by the she hadn't fully answered that question today. You just found out so what could that be? Because she had said something and you just followed up with that? And asked a time question. How long do you think that will take you? Where's the hesitancy because she was clearly still hesitant and Oh, I love to Lisa, you. You You really showed that you built that trust by laughing Lea When did you feel the uncomfortable you're just sharing in that that moment but also there's a I see it. I sent it in your body language. That's going back to the beginning where she was just like I'm feeling it and I'm like so so just like you were reading her not just her words, but her body language and giving her states you know, sometimes you pause, and apparently I have no idea where to go next, but I'm just going to pause instead of talking and I opened up the door for her to talk a little bit more. So those are just some of my observations. And I felt like we got somewhere. Good.
Denise, would you think? Did you notice I should say?
Yeah, it was. It was a really great session too. And also challenging with 20 minutes because like, just like Lisa said at the end, there was so much more to potentially unpack where so Melissa is, you know, wanted to brainstorm and process and I felt Lisa, you know, Sam kind of went through all the questions, just very exact. short questions is really good for someone like Melissa that just needs space to verbally process through. So that was really great to see that Lisa wasn't taking up a lot of space kind of recapping and reflecting she just kind of kept with it and asked her like very specific questions and let Melissa continue to expand and explore and that was just really great. With with like Melissa style and then I saw when would you need to feel more confident or comfortable is when things and then you know Melissa is like putting there was some resistance there like she like oh had to process through about the workshop. And then Lisa was able to like then Melissa was like okay to do the workshop. I need to create it and then she's like helping a micro level. Because of the way Melissa was having so much physical and emotional energy in the coaching session. I felt Lisa really helped micro step her through very baby steps to kind of process through because it's hard to process when you have physical and emotional emotion around it. That there seemed to be I saw a space of clarity like okay, we can move somewhere with it. But it was just a test to let Melissa have space to voice potentially what was in her head around, and I kept on hearing under my skin or I've like four times I heard that. So there's this definite physical part that having someone hold space for you. I felt was really great that Lisa just let Melissa be held the way she needed to be in the session without getting too systematic.
Like like that the way you said. Pretty graceful. Melissa, what was your experience?
Um, well, I want to say this that well, first of all, I apologize for that topic. So I'm sorry. But you know how Laurie would say you know, just because someone doesn't get to something in a session. You don't know what they're taking away and processing after the session but I had a huge aha. About why about if resistant. And my ADHD 20 year old son is really really really struggling and will not let me help him and it's killing me. And I think that it's making me feel like you know, a fraud. And if you know people in my town, sort of, you know, anyone who would know what's going on maybe they wouldn't see me as you know, affected and blah, blah, blah, it doesn't even matter. But the point is that I wanted to share that I was like, oh, after the fact. So I guess we're we're in coaching we're not always gonna know what they're taking away and and like what it is going to expire later on. But I thought it was it was good. I have a first step that was really uncomfortable. But I have not because of your coaching just because of my what I chose to talk about but the coaching was was good because it was like you said like really simple like in stayed with me letting me process so thank
you. So Lisa, what do you what do you notice about yourself or what was your experience like?
Yeah, I mean first No. deal to apologize for you brought to it. I had a client yesterday who came in and just going, Oh, it's going to be pulling teeth to get anything out of me today and I thought this is going to be a good session. I do think that every time someone comes in with resistance, there's probably a lot is going to come out of it. And I'm so glad that you had that aha moment afterwards. I think that makes so much sense for all the physicality and everything you were saying. So that's that's just such a thing to work through. And I'm glad that you got there with mail coaching. i Yeah. I don't I don't think it's the most effective coaching I've ever done. I think there were a few times where I felt a threat and then when you should ask the other question. And but, yeah, I tried to give Melissa a lot of space. I feel the first time I kind of paused because I was a bit unsure. Like I think Samantha noted that, you know, I didn't really know where to follow up and Melissa started talking again and had another insight so when I kind of realized, oh, just give her a lot of space, and she's gonna really work through it, which seemed to be pretty effective. I think Melissa was wanting to come out with a lot of those insights of where this feeling is coming from. I have an excuse to face that Yeah, I mean, there were a few threads that I love to follow through on and then also with making a plan generally with clients I like to spend a good amount of time at least solidifying the plan and when is it going to happen? How do we what's the foolproof so we know that you're going to do it all of that kind of thing, whether it's just not that high and icy right now actually it is where I am. It's 230 So I guess I'm sorry, I have to run away.
I'm terrible managing us. Yeah. So I love hearing that there were threads that you noticed that you felt like you couldn't follow because I heard several I thought overall the session was well done. And like Sam said, You really honored Melissa's process and she came in and told you what her process was going to be. She was like I gotta process a whole bunch of this stuff out loud. And it was like, okay, you know, that's what we're doing. And how wonderful to have that information upfront and sort of figuring it out yourself. It was a great observation of her body language around the resistance if it was cool. I agree with what Sam said about like, the questions that Sam pointed out were the same ones that I had to do to to to Oh, around the imposter syndrome. Would you say the sales part feels bad. So this was a thread I noticed. I wanted to ask to what, what is it about sales that makes it feel so bad? Like what's, what's happening there? What's going on your brain? What are the beliefs you're bringing to it? Also, you had 20 minutes.
That was one of the ones that I was really should have followed up on that.
I thought you asked really emergent questions. Kind of like what was Sam was saying about just seemed like the next question I asked. And some of you heard my metaphor of like sometimes I feel like with my clients, we're bowling alley and you lose bumpers for kids that don't let the ball go into the into the trench thing you that I can't remember the gutter like I feel like um, those times, they're just rolling anyway and you just kind of go boop. And that was sort of like what I saw here. Do to do? Where's the hesitancy coming from is great. That would have been a great place to dig into for sure. There's a lot there. One point you said how can we cut that time down? I think you were trying to make it useful. And so instead of asking something like Well, how long is that path for you? Yeah, so put it in her court. I liked the run that planned by me again. That was a good thing to have her do it. And I think I think just at the very end us Is there anything that could get in your way instead of what might get in your way? But it was like, you know, 23 minutes or something. So overall, I thought it was well done. You know I like your style and sort of your presents. But those are some really great questions that Sam picked out. Those are the same ones I have starter. So nice work. That was the other thing, the physical part. Tapping into that was another thread. You know, when she said that a couple of times, that would have been a threat tool. Like what's where is it in your body? What's going on there?
That sort of stuff, right?
I'm gonna tell you what I mean, nobody's doing that because your brain is doing something. So it's actually a connection there. Other thoughts questions? I know we're at time. Okay. Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you my guinea pigs and you know, like surviving with me. I will do an email with the link again to the recording once it's up and some other stuff that you can have to take with you where I am if you have any questions, if I can be helpful to you as you go forward. Yes, Melissa,
I have one question. Are we going to need any sort of devastation of that about this mentoring for our
Yep. Thank you for reminding me putting it in the to do list Yes, soon as I make it, I will send it to you.
Alright offer being so welcoming and lovely to each other and yeah, let me know Don't Don't be a stranger. You guys are wonderful. You Yes. Awesome.