Next Gen Nonprofit Leadership: Embracing Empathy - Jonathan McCoy, CFRE and Becky Endicott, CFRE

5:41AM Dec 8, 2021

Speakers:

Julie Confer

Becky Endicott

Jonathan McCoy

Keywords:

people

empathy

work

leader

becky

organizations

mission

self reflection

create

empathetic

neon

podcast

nonprofits

support

cognitive diversity

team

communicating

connect

happening

community

Hey, I'm John. And I'm Becky.

And this is the we are for good podcast,

nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.

We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.

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So let's get started. Happy Friday.

Welcome, everyone. Glad you're here,

you came back. And we are talking leadership in the last few weeks of the year. But why are we doing that? You know,

we're doing it because we think this is a moment in time that anyone can level up on their leadership skills, you don't have to be an actual leader in your nonprofit organization, you could be the last person that was hired. And we want you to know how you to tap into those gifts that you have and why your voice is really important. And PS super excited about my favorite topic today, which is empathy.

Yep. So we are calling this series, the next gen nonprofit leadership, because we believe everyone is a leader. And we each need to find our own voice to really meet the moment. You know, this has been a crazy last couple years as things have changed so dramatically, so quickly, that we want to all be equipped to be the leader that our organizations need our family needs, our community needs, all those things. So let's do some tone setting. You know, we be started last week with taking risk. And I love that conversation. I love the conversation that started after that too, like on social media as we kind of engage with people. Because I think this is a time that people are stepping more into that we're realizing that we need to be bold to attract people to galvanize our missions. And so I hope that you feel more confident to step into that. But I wanted to add one note to that discussion. Because there's a humanity piece to this, you know, we're all humans, we're all trying to figure it out. And I think that's why I love the pandemic is because we all realize that we all have lives outside of work and outside of everything,

the frailty of the of our lives in our future. And it really just created a hard stop on that. So I agree with you.

So it lets us you know, so we want to go deeper into that today. And let me just kind of put a bow on last week's conversation about risk is, it's this idea of, we really need to embrace imperfection, because in that risk, there's going to be failure. I mean, we just have to get okay with that. But isn't our isn't our missions isn't our cause our vision certainly worth failing along the way. And to do that in community in a safe place. That's where our sector needs to be. And so we've got to find camaraderie in that. And I just hope that as we dig into empathy, it's all about understanding and valuing the humanity sitting across from you or who you're serving. So I hope that kind of sets the tone for what this is all about.

And I kind of want to double click on the word failure, because I feel like we have been hardwired to think that failure is the worst possible thing that could happen to us. And what we're talking about is this concept of failing up, failing forward. And it's learning from what didn't work in, there's always something to be learned and what we're trying. And if you can continue to learn and fail forward, learn get better than you're refining or sharpening, and you're crystallizing the vision that you are chasing. And that is something that we absolutely believe is worthy of you trying things.

Yeah. And so Okay, as we dive into empathy today, and really cultivating, embracing empathy and through our leadership, something that I think we need to call out is what does an empathetic leader really look like? And I do think it's different. I've seen studies come out that that is now the most heralded, you know, trait in a leader. It's what people are flocking to, in the great resignation, people are looking for a culture that supports this. So on a real practical level, it's admitting when you've made a mistake as a leader. And that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It's practicing vulnerability, which makes you that much of a stronger leader. And I mean, obviously, we have a team of three, here we are for good, but we're really good at this thing, tiny but mighty, but it just, I mean, none of us have that sense that we have it figured out. And it allows us to make progress a lot faster, because we're not trying to hide behind that we're just trying to embrace and support each other where you need to fill the gaps. And so I think culturally, that really helps. And I have seen it practically play out.

And I just think if you think back to really great leaders in your organization, the ones who were empathetic, the ones that were approachable, the ones that you felt safe, and trusted, you know, under their leadership, those are the ones that that really inspired us to live our careers in our lives out loud. We could try things. So I do think one of the hallmarks of a really empathetic leader is having really incredible cognitive diversity. And so everybody knows who listens to this podcast. I probably say this phrase at least Every fifth episode, iced coffee, go ahead and drink that iced coffee or hot coffee for me. And it's really about if if you have proximity with people who are different than you who have a different lived experience than you, then you're going to see the world differently, you're going to come at it with more of an open heart open hands. And I think somebody who talked about this really well on the podcast is Nika Allen, she's with the empathy agency. So do we think she knows something about empathy, She named her agency after it. And I think that she was saying, there's no substitute for this kind of learning when you're employing cognitive diversity, we were created to be relational, being in relationship cultivates something that we need, in order to begin to see what the path is going to look going forward. So it's really about questioning, it's some self reflection that says, Where do I need to lay my gifts to work in the direction of justice to work in the direction of ending homelessness, or animal welfare, or whatever your cause is? Having some cognitive diversity and understanding and really, it's going to force you to listen, and to get out and to be somebody that connects based on listening. So I would say start at that point. I mean,

we really believe empathy is the heartbeat, of connection. And a lot of times that can be achieved through storytelling. I mean, we talk about that a lot on the podcast, and some of our advice and counsel today is through that lens of how are you telling stories that builds and breeds empathy on your team and with your constituencies, whoever you're cultivating, but we want to help you today, as a leader, really think through? How do you position yourself to become more empathetic like you yourself, and not be a bystander of this, but really being reflective. And so we hope this series and these questions, or these points really lead you into some self reflection. So the first one is, ask questions. You know, it's really impossible not to have empathy. When you sit across from someone when you're really present, and you talk to them and truly listen. And I can personally say, I mean, having the gift of the conversations on this podcast, have opened my eyes dramatically to people that have different lived experiences, or different backgrounds, or different struggles, that would be impossible for me to even know in the middle of Oklahoma, in the back of my house here in this studio, this small space. But when you block things out, when we literally can set aside our phones, and we tune in to what someone's really saying and what they're saying, through their mannerisms. And through every aspect of their storytelling. It allows you to connect, and really slide into those shoes for a minute. And I think that's the great beginning place.

Yeah. And it dovetails right into number two. And by the way, there are seven of these if you're keeping track of them. But number two is seek to understand, this is really about looking for context. And I hear a lot of people say when we talk about vulnerability, I am not a share. I don't like to share my emotions. I don't like to live sort of that out loud life. And I'm here to tell you, that's okay. You can still understand and be a vulnerable and empathetic leader, by seeking to understand are your people being quiet and distant? Are they having trouble meeting deadlines, if we aren't so busy with our own works and our own work and being in our own head, then we can start to notice red flags. And if you're not checking in, then you're probably going to miss those red flags. And it's really about creating a culture of psychological safety where people feel that they can come talk to you, they can share what's on their heart, whether that's professional or personal.

Okay, which that's the perfect segue into number three, which is to check in with your team regularly. And this, I guess, could be easier or harder than it's ever been, depending on how you look at this. But there's no doubt that your team if you're spread apart, and you're, you know, managing remote work and having some Inhofe office, hybrid work happening, there's going to be new layers of anxiety or stress, maybe depression, lots of things that are happening under the surface. And we just really have to be cognizant of all those factors. Because we're people, we're trying to do something incredibly crazy, that's probably really difficult to do. And so creating moments to check in with your team. And that's not just your team meeting, because some people aren't gonna feel safe, you know, are encouraged to really speak that out. But are you really finding time to check in one on one with the people that you specifically are, you know, managing in your role? Because we've that was huge before, but I think it's even more important now are more relevant now. Because there's just so many factors that are competing for us in the ways that we're showing. Absolutely. We're taking a quick pause today to thank our sponsor, neon one. Our friends over at NEON one provide software that connects organizations to what matters most their people and their passions. With the urine giving season here. There's a lot to learn about the results from giving Tuesday that could help your urine campaigns. Like would you have guessed that over 45% of all donors were new to the organizations they choose to support, or that 55% More of neon ones clients participated in Giving Tuesday compared to last year. tear. Giving Tuesday was a huge success with over $22.2 million raised on neon one. And Indivior appeals are still on the horizon. Are you getting ready for the final days of 2021? Get support from other nonprofits like you by joining neon ones here and giving connections community today, visit neon one.com/winner for good, or follow the link in our show notes.

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And I think that that is a great segue into the fourth one, which is are you communicating? And are you communicating frequently? And I just think that we talked about this a little bit last week, but even communicating that you have no information is actually something that is going to go a long way when people are wondering about whether it's the state of their job, or what's going on with the budget? Or how did the board meeting go, whatever those things are, it's keeping this constant line of communication open. And then when you're communicating, we have to look for things that are nonverbal cues. You know, we're on Zoom, you mentioned this, we can't just text people and say, How are you doing, we can't just say, on a staff meeting on Zoom, everybody doing okay, we've got to go a little bit further, because one, not everybody communicates and absorbs information in the same way. Depending on the culture of your organization, people may not feel safe to say something in a group that may have to be one on one. So figure out what to do to connect with someone, it could be kicking it old school and actually writing them a card or something or sending them a really encouraging email, make a video, like find a way to connect with someone on their level, let them know that you're thinking about them, you're advocating for them. And you're going to be fighting not only for them in their work, but them as a human being. Because, again, we cannot just be so myopic when people come to our organizations and say, it's all work all the time. We can't I mean, there are these things that fall into the work that are personal because giving, and philanthropy is deeply personal. And when we care about things other than the work, then people pour into the work even more because they feel cared about.

Yeah, and they can sniff out or we can all sniff out the authenticity of that too. Okay, number five is really adapting your approach to different people and situations. It just begins with a recognition that people are different situations are different. And we have different personality types, too. So how can you you know, find a way that is going to be a meaningful way to reach out to the different people on your team? And I think, you know, somebody saying that they're fine may actually mean they're fine. Or it may be the biggest indicator. Yeah, ever that they're not. And so like, understanding the different people and personalities on your team is really key.

Yeah, there's a little Venetian for you, for all of the women out there who speak Venetian. If a woman tells you, she's fine, and leaves it at that, if it's a terse reply, she is not fine. So you might want to double click on that. Number six is recognize your thoughts. And I would even say do some self reflection, which I think is hard for a lot of people. So here's some triggers. If you're saying things like, I need to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, this person would probably rather be left alone. It's not my job to coddle people at work. I have more important things going on than talking to this staff member. Or if I don't say the right thing, I just might make it work. So I'm not going to say anything. If you have ever thought any manner of those things, then you're probably want to double click on how empathetic you are being to your staff. And that's not our intent to call you out or to tell you you're a horrible human being because I think there's something to be learned from everybody on this topic. But I think there are times we just need to do some self reflection because we're all tired. Most of us are burned out or have compassion fatigue, and it's just going to require us to pause and sit in the pause. Think about Our role in our behavior in this and then move forward with empathy and with a heart for others.

I love it. Okay, number seven is that you want to really want to set goals for yourself. And you know, we're big on setting goals around here, because we feel like if you actually put it on paper, and you put a timeline to it, the chances of you achieving that are a lot more possible, right? And so do that with these things that we're talking about. I mean, set a goal for how often you're checking in with people and seeing if they need anything on your team. But starting to figure out ways for yourself to feel more comfortable discussing the emotional layer that comes about with really getting involved with teams and taking care of people. At the same way. I think one way to do this, if you're really tracking and setting goals, is are you carving out budget to do this, you know, I think you can kind of follow where your priorities are of where you're spending. And if there is no money in your budget allocated to engaging with your team in meaningful ways, checking on them, supporting them, encouraging them, it's your greatest asset is your people. And so how are we not carving out space time money to make sure that they're able to show up in their most vibrant way to serve the mission that you're called to do?

And I'll just piggyback on that and say, it's the second week of December, like we are in the thick of the busiest time in the nonprofit calendar. Year, people have been working on urine strategies. We've been working hard on Giving Tuesday, we're trying to sync all the things as we fall into year end, and the last probably 20 days left of the year. This is a time to create some pause. Give your people a break. Are you celebrating the holidays in any way? Are you celebrating a great year? Or are you building and plans to do that in January? Do you take time to celebrate what you have raised and done in the last calendar year that would be I would think very disruptive, and probably very booing to create some time in January to celebrate as a team, not only is it going to build culture, it's going to build camaraderie around everyone. And what a way to start the new year by looking back reflecting and celebrating on all that we accomplished as we look forward.

Okay, can we have a moment? And thank my favorite Supervisor of all time?

Yes. Who is it? Becky? I didn't know. I thought you were going back to the pharmacy when you were a teenager.

But okay, let's break it down. Why. And I think it's fascinating to hear the thought leadership and hear the trends happening. Because Becky's been doing this for a really long time before it was mainstream and popular. But I think this see the superpower of really understanding and having empathy for every person. And I feel like a lot of this conversation today was about your team, and it's easy to go there. But truly empathy for the people that you're serving. If you're at you know, we were at a health system for a long time, if you have empathy for your colleagues, you know, the caregivers on the frontline that are trying to save people's lives. I mean, that's if that's really threaded in all of your approaches, but how you approach employee giving with people that are trying to keep people alive, you show up differently. And if you have this truly at the core of how you manage people, it changes how you show up and how you engage a team. And the loyalty that comes from that, that connection that comes from that are unparalleled. And I can be of witness to this, because I've watched Becky do it for 20 years. But it really is true because people feel cared for and when they feel cared for and they feel safe. They won't let you fail, you know, they're going to show up for your mission, they're going to show up for you personally, they're going to show up in all of the ways and once you and your vision and all that to be successful, whether you're working together or they're just a donor. But there's power in that y'all. And so I'm just here to say Becky's the living testament is awkward that I just tacked that on. I

mean, I'm a puddle on the floor. Thank you so much. I don't know that I deserve all of that. But I so appreciate it. And I just think that when it goes back to kindergarten, once again, it's like if you can treat people the way that you wanted to be treated. And if you can just understand that this is a really tenuous time for a lot of people. And the leaders who are showing up with empathy, they're giving grace. They're saying it's okay, I'm worried about you. What can I do to help? How can I take that task off of you? How can I make this project easier? Those are the leaders that people want to get behind. And wow, I think you hit the nail on the head with loyalty and longevity. And we've actually seen this in our organizations that people stay longer. They enjoy their job more. They enjoy the people that they're working with more often. And manda they pour into the mission at a really unconditional level. So we're thinking there are only good things that can come out of being an empathetic leader. So go chase

it. Yep. And don't miss next week because we have a surprise for you. We have a special guest coming like Western beans, but there's gonna be a mystery guest and we're gonna wrap up this series with a bang.

It's gonna be epic. Come see us then.

Hey, friends, thanks so much for being here. Did you know we create a lambda page for each podcast episode with helpful links, freebies and even shareable graphics. Be sure to check it out at the link in this episode's description. You probably hear it in our voices but we love connecting you with the most innovative people to help you achieve more for your mission than ever before. We'd love for you to join our good community. It's free and you can think of it as the after party to each podcast episode. You can sign up today at we are for good.com backslash Hello. One more thing If you loved what you heard today, would you mind leaving us a podcast rating and review? It means the world to us and your support helps more people find our community. Thanks friends. I'm our producer Julie confer and our theme song is sunray by Remy Boris boom