Shalom, everyone! Welcome to another episode of the light lab podcast. My name is Eliana Light. And I am here with my dear friends Cantor Ellen Dreskin.
Good day or evening, wherever you may happen to be.
And Rabbi Josh Warshawsky.
Oh, it's great to be here with you!
The best.This past week again, you're hearing this episode a little after we recorded it. But the three of us were all involved in Song Leader Boot Camp and in providing and exploring prayer opportunities with some wonderful folks. And so I thought it would be a great opportunity to explore the question, what are you returning to? We're always coming from somewhere, but what are we returning to? And Josh, let's start with you this week.
I'm gonna answer aspirationally. I am hoping to be returning to connecting with communities in person over the next couple of weeks, I had sort of had a break, I had one or two where I was in Los Angeles a couple of years ago. But a bunch of things that were going to happen in January were postponed due to Omicron. And they were all rescheduled to the spring. So I'm hoping for a spring of opportunity and a spring of gathering of returning to music in person, to gathering with with people for my band, which I've really missed being able to do. And we're getting together in like two weeks for like four weeks in a row, which is going to be really great. So I'm returning to community.
Amen. I think a lot of prayer is aspirational. So that works very well. Check out Josh Warshawsky coming to a city near you. If not this year, then maybe soon. Cantor Ellen, what are you returning to?
Well, mine, I took the question much more immediate. As you mentioned, we just got quote unquote, home from you literally home from SLBC. And it really was a time away, and a very different energy to the week for me. So today was like coming home. And I woke up and spent most of the morning cleaning my kitchen. And it felt really good. And almost like a spiritual exercise, I have to mention that one of my favorite books in the world is by Jack Kornfield. And the title of the book is After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, and it's about having those wonderful experiences and then bringing them back into one's own daily tasks in life and so that there's some equanimity and spirituality in it all. And so I'm returning, I'm returning home, I'm returning to the laundry. And I'm definitely trying to keep the energy of the week with me.
Amen, amen, how can we find prayerfulness and joy and holiness, even in the laundry and the cleaning of the kitchen, something I'm working on as well. I'm also thinking aspirationally, Josh, in the sense that something I was working on returning to, before my last travel excursion, was finding touch points of mindfulness and joy throughout my day. I think I've put a lot of pressure on a morning practice. They're very popular. There are lots of books about them, and Instagram accounts and journals that you can get to supercharge your morning and all of that stuff. And sometimes I can do all of those things in the morning. And sometimes it doesn't happen. And why is it just the morning and it gets all of the love? You know, we have three touchstones for communal prayer in our tradition. So before I left, I was trying to figure out how can I have a moment of mindfulness and joy in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. Sounds familiar. It's almost as if our tradition had set us up for success like that. And it's hard. Whenever I travel, I get really out of whack with it. Because then I'm really only focused on the task at hand or the thing that I'm doing whenever I get there. So I would like to return to that practice of finding joy in those touch points in the day, and work on being able to do it when I'm home and when I'm somewhere else, in a hotel in an Airbnb staying at somebody's house. How can I find those moments of mindfulness and joy wherever I am? And I know it's possible because I've done it before. And it's always a better day when I do it, even if it's small. And I think part of the thing about return is it's a place we've been before so that we know that it's possible, so it's aspirational anyway, we know that when know that it's possible, we know that we're capable of return, it's just sometimes hard to do the returning, which is a big theme of these next two brachot that we're going to explore. So, listener again, we are in the midst of our Amidah exploration. If you haven't listened to the previous episodes, you don't have to, but it's highly encouraged. Today, we're going to talk about the fifth and sixth of the blessings in the weekday Amidah. They are the second and third of the petitionary prayer blessings. And Josh, why don't you get us started with bracha number five.
All right, here we go. Bracha number five. I'm going to read it in the Hebrew and then I'm working out of our sponsored prayer book, My People's Prayer Book. So I'm going to read our one translation from there and we'll just talk a little bit about what we're feeling what we're noticing what we're experiencing. So here we go. Hashiveinu avinu betoratecha v’karvenu malkenu la’avodatecha v’hachazireinu b’tshuva shlema lefanecha. Baruch atah adonai harotzeh bitshuva. Bring us back to your Torah our Father, draw us near to your service our King, and turn us back in perfect repentance before you. Blessed are You Adonai, who takes pleasure in repentance. What are we noticing? What do we what do we see what we hear so far? I've just I noticed already in my I've begun to, to auto retranslate whenever I see something like my father in a prayer book to to automatically change it to parent. And but I in reading I don't know if you heard me stumble over the word father because I've been trying to do that. But I wanted to give license to the translation to be its own translation. But that was an interesting thing for me to experience in reading it.
Yeah, I was noticing the poetic nature of the phrasing. How it feels like a loop. Like already in the in the cadence of it, it feels like a return and a return and a cycle now. Maybe that's me projecting Midrash onto it because I already know that it's about repentance and the word teshuva which we translate as repentance shares a root with turn and return. But it feels like even waves kind of washing at the shore again and again.
This word even the word it starts off with, hashiveinu, even for those of us who are not well versed in tefillah perhaps or or hearing these Hebrew words, probably recognize or perhaps recognize that word hashiveinu from songs we sing all the time are of particular high holy day, liturgy, and this this word teshuva also there and kind of perked my ears up to, Oh, isn't that a word that I hear around Yom Kippur time? And here it is in the daily worship.
I was also paying attention to the fact that everything's in plural, except for the Holy One, which is you hear. And even though this comes up a lot, I think it struck me really here because we think of repentance is an incredibly personal activity. It's a personal turning back. Except we're praying for it and hoping for it in the collective because I think it's a recognition that our fates and our lives are are all tangled up with each other. And so it's something that we need to pray for and focus on for everybody and not just ourselves.
I'm also I'm also noticing the parentheticals, inthe way that they didn't speak out when we were saying this first blessing atah chonen la'adam da'at. We didn't say atah malkeinu l'adam da'at, but here we have hashiveinu parentheses aveinu, right, bring us back our parent. V'karveinu malkeinu, we have this little in addition to just asking and speaking we're naming directly who we're talking to, which I think gets back to the idea of what you were talking about with repentance being very personal. When we're apologizing or when we're trying to bring bring ourselves back or atone for something we want to acknowledge who we are atoning to or who we're talking to or who were trying to ask forgiveness from and not just call it out into the world but name the person we feel we've wronged or tried to atone in a way that brings us back directly to that individual.
It's so funny because I just opened up Mishkan T'fillah, the reformed Siddur to this prayer and as we're talking about aveinu and malkeinu, I noticed that in Mishkan T'fillah both of those words have been removed from the Hebrew, it's just hashineinu letoratecha vekorveinu la'avodatecha. And that's that. So they removed that reference and, and kind of did open that door to, I'm not sure where it's going, but I know that my desire is to possess these qualities, or, or feel heard or forgiven or remind myself to repent without a focus. So it's interesting that it went that way.
Yeah. And then the Reconstructionist Kol Haneshamah Siddur, according to My People's Prayer Book, it's changed to mekoreinu, our source and atarteinu, our sovereign, which I don't think I've ever heard atarteinu before. And it brings up a lot of work I do around the High Holidays, I have a session where we explore Avienu and Malkeinu and how challenging they can be imagining the Holy One as father and king. But I think, for me, in my own G?d language journey, once I recognize that all of the language that we use about G?d is in the realm of poetry and metaphor, it really allowed me back into these ideas. Because I know that when I say G?d is King, I'm not being literal. And when I say G?d is Father, I'm not being literal. And maybe there are times when I do want to call out to G?d, or the power in the universe, as a father and as a king, and not feeling so much shame in that anymore. Because I know that it is as if, as if those things.
I'm thinking about the poetry of it now. And I don't really consider the Siddur to be like Torah, that every single word has to have its own meaning its own significance, and there's no repetition in the Torah, we say if you see the words that appear repetitive, there must be a deeper meaning beneath them, because the Torah has no extraneous words. But I look at this prayer and noticing the three lines that say, almost the same thing, but not quite about returning to Torah, drying us near to Avodah, to service, and then another word for return. Hachazeirenu, to turn us again, to complete repentance. And that, I think a little bit about what are the differences between these three lines to be drawn close. And then this, this chozer, again, and again, this constant return, every time we say this prayer, this is the focus, it's always taking place, it's always a possibility.
I'm noticing now that you're saying, like, what are we asking to be returned to in each of these three phrases? Torah, hashiveinu to your Torah, bring us closer to your avodah, and avodah is service and it's also a word for T'fillah, for prayer, what does it mean to be in service of something greater than you, and then to perfect repentance. And it's an interesting progression because even though the Rabbi's, I think said well, Talmud Torah k'neged kulam, like, Torah study is greater than everything because it should lead to living a life of chesed, loving kindness and mitzvot. But like, it should do that. It doesn't always like we know from our lives that there are plenty of very learned people or people who come from a particular lineage who just aren't doing the chesed thing, or the meats vote thing as much as they should, or sad people keep a lot of ritual mitzvah, but maybe forget the love the stranger bit, like there's a lot of dissonance. And so it's not just Torah, it's living in service of something that is greater than yourself. And then it's the act of repentance, which takes a lot more than just study.
I know that you said that I'm thinking about the fact that we've named Torah and Avoda and if we're thinking about from you know, the three things that the world stands on Torah Avoda and Gemilut Chasidim, from Pirkei Avot, this loving kindness being the third thing it's making me want to read to tshuva shlema, this complete repentance as not just repentance with G?d but it has in order for it to be for repented, it has to be these give me Luke class idiom, it has to be our interactions with other people. So you know, without without naming, gemilut chasadim as a third one, we get to that same idea with this complete repentance that has to be all all around us, not just to God but to the people that we're connecting with and interacting with on a daily basis.
And I think about that word chazara. Like when you say chazarat hashatz, is that's the the repetition of the Amidah, that there's a continual that's not just returning or coming close. It's doing it over and over and over again. And I like that of being reminded constantly in all of our actions as you were saying, Josh, out in the world put those acts out there. And that's the real proof of tshuva shlema. Ah, wow, mind blown.
I love this so much, because turning is always happening, right? We are sitting on an earth that is constantly turning, we are part of so many cycles, the cycle of the moon in the cycle of the Torah readings, and the life cycles of all of the plants and all of the animals that we live with, and the lifecycle of human beings. But just because we keep going around and around, it doesn't mean nothing changes. I mean, Kohelet might think nothing changes. But I think that things change, or at least they have the potential to be changed. If we notice that we're cycling, then we can move and return and be different and renewed in the next cycle. And I think that's one of the powerful things about the fact that we say this every day. Every day, it's here in the Siddur for us, we have another opportunity. And I love that phrasing, haroteze b'tshuvah. And I love the way that it's translated here in the my peoples per book, who takes pleasure in repentance, there is a joy, when we are able to help ourselves and each other, return to Torah, and service, and act of loving kindness, there is a joy because it makes the world better.
I found something really interesting lately, I've been looking into the Kabalistic daily prayer book that is on my shelf. And it was the only place where I found that in the midst of this hashiveinu prayer this it says there's a insert: for one who wants to pray for another so that they will repent. And it's the English is: May it be pleasing before You, Adonai My G?d and G?d of my ancestors, that you shall dig deep beneath the throne of Your glory, and except as repentant and then you insert the name of the person you're hoping will repent, because Your right Adonai extends outwards to receive those who repent your right hand. And then you continue with the chatima, of harotze b'tshuva. And I thought I'm not quite sure why it's there, kabbalisticly, but it sounds pretty inclusive and compassionate to me. I just wanted to make note of that.
It reminds me of like of us praying for healing on a for somebody and there's like in the refaeinu one there's like an insert insert a name here for healing. But that feels like a different thing than like a pray for repentance for this person.
Are we praying for G?d to accept that person's repentance? Or are we praying for them to start repenting?
I, I'm trying to think of someone or the first place that my mind went was to someone that I know they'll get there, but they are not there yet. And so I kind of want you know, it says, except as repentant, well, that's how it's translated here. That that maybe G?d will start to I'm kind of paving the way for G?d's heart softening perhaps? I'm not sure.
I'm not sure either. But it's very interesting. And with that, we'll be right back.
Welcome back, everybody. As we continue this conversation about the prayer for tsheuva, for return, Eliana, I can't help but think of one of my recent favorite songs that you composed. And that's this song Lead Me Back, which is this prayer, I suppose. And I please tell us more about it. And and how you arrived at this, and maybe please share a little bit of it or all of it with us.
It would be my pleasure. So as I've mentioned on the podcast before, I had a goal around when I was in college, I wanted to write a song for every blessing in the weekday Amidah, and the album was going to be called please rise volumes one and two. But it didn't exactly happen that way. Because I got a few blessings in and abandoned the project. That doesn't mean that I couldn't pick it up again. But some of those songs from that time I really loved including this one. And there was a sense to me in looking at the praye, that was powerful, in that I was returning to something that was stable. It's asking to be returned, you can only be returned to something that's there, right? You returned to a place that is always there, or is at least where you know that you'll find it when you go looking for it. It gave me the space to reflect on a turbulent time in my life, and a turbulent relationship with G?d, where G?d was no longer what I had thought G?d was when I was a child. And yet, I desired that closeness. I wanted to feel a loving parent, I wanted to feel like there was a king that there was someone in charge, but I just didn't feel that way. But even if I didn't feel that way, it was cathartic to call out to Adonai to call out for that return, and a recognition that human beings aren't perfect. And we need help. Right? Just as in Adonai sefatai tiftach we asked for the Holy One's help praying. Here we're asking for help with return because we know that it's difficult to do on our own but acknowledging that you need it is the first step. So I don't think I necessarily saw it as part of my G?d journey when I wrote the song. But looking back, I can hear some of the sadness and some of the anguish and some of the deep need that I'm expressing and I hold compassion for myself. It could be easy for me again, as I go on this like expansive G?d journey to look back on my previous theologies or notions of G?d with derision and to say, I can't believe you believe that, right? I can't believe that's how I use to understand the world. That's not helpful for me to judge myself or any of us based on that - we're all on our own journeys. And it's something that I needed at the time and oftentimes, oftentimes still need. So I'm gonna play a little bit. I'd love to hear if y'all have questions or reactions from that song.
I love that song too.
I have to say, just as everybody's refreshing themselves, I was forget how much I need to sing the song like every time I sing it, it is an act of catharsis, because it's a very human thing to feel like G?d has abandoned us. And I think I forgot in my intro. That's kind of where this came from this human feeling that G?d isn't there, human all the way since Torah all the way since Tanakh in the Psalms, G?d, where are you? And that this is me almost trying to remind myself that G?d is always there. And what does it mean for me to return to that, but how that's hard because sometimes I just want G?d to be there and feel real.
The thing that I'm thinking of when you say that is something that I learned from you and from our Chava Mirel this week in going to Songleader Boot Camp about the different meditation practices, and one of the reasons that I struggle with meditation is because my mind always wanders all the time. And but I learned this week that the the point of the practice is to notice that you're wandering and then come back. And that's the meditative expression. That's the moment is to be able to return to the focus in the moment. And that that's all when I'm hearing when I hear lead me back draw me close I've been, I've strayed, it's not, it's not that I'm that I'm so far away. It's that in naming this, I'm allowed to actually I'm able to actually come back myself even though I'm telling you to bring me back and draw me closer. It's it's a it's a calling out for me to turn my focus and turn my attention again. That's what struck me when I was listening to it.
Right now I'm reading Rabbi Jill Hammer's translation of Sefer Yetzirah, the book of formation, which we bring up a lot on the show, and it's called Return to the Place, which is a quote from the book, but that's also it, the meditative practice of returning. Ellen?
I love it just asking these questions is already even if we don't feel it, in our head is already our heart crying out to something. And and there's already a bit of, I do think there's something there and you I think you acknowledge that right off the top, when you say that, I feel like I'm losing sight of you like like a mooring like, someplace I can drop anchor and be and I know that it's there because you say right in the first verse, you don't lose sight of me. It's kind of hide and seek from both sides. And I love that admission of it all. There's this picture of a person in a rowboat who was is attached to shore with a rope and is pulling themselves to shore and to the stranger watching from afar it might look as if someone is trying to pull the island closer to the boat when as a matter of fact is of course pulling the boat closer to the island, so it's,the song gives me the idea of the drawing close from both points and the breaking you know the coming near from both points and feeling in one Makiom, in one place. Beautiful in that way.
My favorite line today is can you read the Hebrew in my tears? I love that idea. And that I mean, that's the expression of you know, my emotion is the prayer. These words are great and I'm using I'm using the words of the Siddur to craft this whole song, me as in you, you know this this whole song is the prayer that's written through the tears that has basis in the liturgy and we use it you know, we've been talking about the in this podcast a lot and the week that we were recording this Rishe Groner's episode came out, we're talking about the liturgy as the jungle gym that you can go around and swinging and use in a variety of different ways. And you've harnessed it to tell us that the real prayer is what's coming from inside of us and what our emotions are evoking. And so it's really sticking out to me today.
Thank you. That's my favorite line, too, I think it. comes from this insecurity that I think a lot of us feel that what it means to be close to G?d is to do all the ritual stuff, and to read all the Hebrew and to go to all the services. And when I wasn't doing that, at a difficult point in my life, I thought, you know, is my is my emotion enough? Like, can I be close to G?d just by pouring out my heart and I know now that that's that that's true. Another thing I wanted to point out that's one of those like little insider things that I don't know if anybody has ever noticed but me,is that I specifically say in the chorus, I've been lost, I have strayed butchu have always stayed. And I always pronounce it that way. Ellen, you're making a face - Why do i pronounce it that way?
Oh, my goodness. Oh my goodness! B'tshuva! But you, oh please Eliana that's just genius - I seriously second time today my mind is blown.
Aw, thanks! I like putting in those those little bits so that the song text becomes another text to study just more more and more text, and listener will play the fully recorded version as the outro to the show because it sounds a lot different than what we just did and brings a lot of different nuance and I want to in advance thank my producer Ori Salzburg for bringing all of my EDM dreams to life. And with that, we'll be right back.
Welcome back, everybody, we're going to move now into the next bracha of the intermediate blessings of the Amidah. And this blessing, it's going to come right out of the idea of t'shuva, of repentance, because the next blessing is about slicha, about forgiveness. So we'll start with some Hebrew and a pretty literal translation. And then we'll have something it'll give us something to talk about. It says Slach lanu ki chatanu mechal lanu ki fashanu ki mochel v’solech atah. Barch atah adonai hamarbeh lisloach. The English here says forgive us for we have sinned. Pardon us for we have transgressed for You pardon and forgive. Blessed are You Adonai abounding in forgiveness. I can already tell you, as I mentioned earlier, that I had to choose between two Hebrew versions of the prayer because once again Miskan T'fillah does not mention avinu and leaves out these titles. So that's one thing I noticed right off the bat. But there's a lot to notice here. Josh, Eliana, please chime in.
Does the Kol Haneshamah Eliana have those same two mekoreinu atarkeinu in this because it does in in the previous one? Because I'm noticing for myself that, you know, like I said before, with those with those parentheticals calling out in this moment of forgiveness and this moment of repentance. Those are the two in in the liturgy that I grew up with where we call out with these particular names of G?d, and everything else is just to you to you or with us. And it's interesting to note that it's specifically just with atonement, and repentance, that and forgiveness that this is where those names come out in those particular literal liturgies.
So I don't know that for this about the Kol Haneshamah, because it was a tidbit in my peoples prayer book, I don't actually have a copy of Kol Haneshamah, but I would love one, if there's ever a way to get sponsored by a Siddur publisher? I would love all the cedar ream, I love reading the different translations in the different Hebrew. But it feels very purposeful. I mean, of course it is purposeful. All of the words in the Siddur are purposeful. But for us, it calls us back to High Holidays. Both of these five and six together. The repetition of avinu malkeinu, I think connects both of the blessings. And it can bring us in our imagination to the High Holidays.
Yeah, it feels to me sort of like it's a it's this mini repentance moment every single day. I love that idea of of bringing back this avinu and malkeinu and, and calling out in that particular moment. And it's an it's an acknowledgement that we can't be thinking about it all the time. Or we have we have one specific day, one specific time of year that we're calling out for repentance. But then we have this moment each day where we're trying to think about it all. So it brings me back to your your kavanah your intention at the very beginning about trying to find a meditative moment, a moment of practice every single in these three blocks during the day, trying to find a moment each day where we're just noticing and saying, I wonder what I could be doing better. I wonder how I can be a better version and try this again tomorrow. We notice and let ourselves have that moment every single day. And there's this sort of through line that's running between the three blessings that we've gotten to so far in this petitionary section. The first being one about knowledge, the second being about repentance and this one asked for forgiveness. It's only when we have this knowledge that we're able to realize that we've done something wrong. You know Larry Hoffman says that in our in My People's Prayer Book, and the order really makes sense. First we understand then we asked we try and return and once we've returned once we noticed that we're trying to do better and lift ourselves up, then we can that we can be forgiven, it's hard to be forgiven if you're not. If you're getting engaged in the same mistakes, again, you have to choose to go back to a different path to make a different choice.
I love that. And I think so often, we see a lot of apology stories playing out, kind of in our media, from our public figures. And it often seems that people try to do it in the other direction, which is that they apart they ask for forgiveness first, before making an attempt to do teshuva and change their behavior. And so this actually lays out a really beautiful framework of acknowledging, discerning what the issues are, really trying to understand why what you did caused harm, changing your behavior and seeking out help to change your behavior, and then asking for forgiveness. It feels very powerful right now.
I'm feeling now in these days that it's not only the asking for forgiveness and realizing one's mistakes. But I don't find us to be a very forgiving people these days, I think that sometimes we are losing sight of that quality to accept somebody's teshuva honestly, and I find this blessing very powerful, because it takes me back to the gevurot, when we're saying, you know, G?d heals the sick, may we heal the sick, may I emulate these qualities of G?d, keeping faith with those who sleep in the dust, etc. And then I think about this and as I'm asking G?d to be forgiving to be forgiving, I'm also trying to embody that quality in myself. And remember to be forgiving. I also asked myself the difference between again this seeming repetition of lines. Forgive us because we've sinned, pardon us because we've transgressed. And commentators asked the difference between why forgive - What's difference between forgive and pardon? And I was thinking about this idiom or axiom, I forget which, forgive and forget, I forgive and forget. And I wonder if this is a Jewish version of that is forgiving, accepting an apology, and forgetting erasing it, which I don't always know is a good idea. Until as you say, Eliana, it takes us back to experiencing complete teshuva with a change of behavior, a change of attitude, and the one who's asked for forgiveness. And, and what's what are the various virtues of forgiving and forgetting?
I think the internet makes it hard to forget that that's one of the the good things in the challenges of the time we live in. This is also taking me back to atah chonen, the first blessing in the petitionary cycle, which also is, keeps this kind of structure, right? There are two phrases of repetition, you favor us with knowledge and teach mortals understanding. And then we're left to parse the difference between knowledge and understanding. And then it's the Ask - favorites with your knowledge. And here it's right, three asks, really: forgive us and pardon us. But then it's two asks, and a because, so it's still two statements in a clause, right? Because you forgive and pardon. This reminds me of, again, back to the high holidays, my favorite part of unetana tokef, which I absolutely love. And I cannot wait to do an unetana tokef episode of the podcast because it might be one of my favorite pieces of liturgy ever. And at the end, there's a bit that says, Your name is appropriate to You. And we call you according to Your name, and You are appropriate for Your name. I'm paraphrasing right now, but it has something to do with the names that we choose to call G?d, are the attributes that we raise up in the world and in ourselves. So when we call G?d merciful, and when we call G?d quick to repent, we are creating and elevating those attributes of G?d in the world. And so what we call G?d isn't random. It's about what we are trying to activate. And speaking of which, I want to bring up the intertext of this piece. Ki yarbeh lisloach comes from Isaiah 55. And I want to read the verse before and and this verse, I actually want to do it and Haftarah trope because it's the Haftarah for fast days. And I love Haftarah trope, and we haven't heard Haftarah trope yet on this podcast. So here we go.What does this mean? I read the line before because it returns us back to what you were saying befor, Seek the Holy One where the Holy One can be found. What a poetic concept. Right? Kiratuhu b'oto karov, call to the Holy One when the Holy One is already near, what does that mean? Perhaps it means that the Holy One can be found anywhere and in the seeking is the finding, and the Holy One can feel close anywhere and in the calling is the closeness that's really powerful. And the next line, Let the wicked give up their ways, the sinful person their plans, let them return back to the Holy One, and the Holy One will pardon them to our Holy One, for G?d freely forgives. So it's this again, this understanding that there is pleasure in returning, that the Holy One does not desire to punish, in a theological sense, but for us to repent. I'm really struck by the poetry of these lines today.
The verbiage of the prayers seem to concentrate on this G?d out there that is externally helping us et cetera. And I find myself going in and wanting to practice a bit of self compassion and also saying to my inner self, forgive yourself, go forward, do differently, return to your sense your inner sense of integrity of what's right and wrong, correct your actions. And so it doesn't always have to be this cry I found myself when we're crying out we're crying in as well. And that we shouldn't get stuck perhaps on the crying out to an external G?d, it's rising up for me now.
I really liked that idea and the idea that if we if we use this directional pray like three blessings in this order that we can get to that forgiveness both for ourselves and the we're naming in this particular bracha that the forgiveness is going to come if we can do it this way. Right it's it's ki atah mochel v'soleach, You are quick to forgive chanun vemarbe lisloach. And now I'm I'm stuck reading these lines in in holiday the way that I sing it when we get to High Holidays. And then you get to this ki adonai tov v'soleach. G?d is good and forgiving, v'rav chesed, and filled with this grace, which I think is really really powerful to remember. That chesed again, it was going back to gemilut chasadim and and trying to find ways of forgiveness for ourselves.
These two brachot together give us an incredible opportunity to do a practice. It's a practice we get to do every time we open up the Siddur and decide to play around in all around or near these words. And it's a practice we can do any time inspired by these words. So I invite you to find a comfortable way to sit and engaged way to sit and feeling yourself connected to the earth being supported by your ancestors by the world. rolling your shoulders back, opening up your chest, letting your hands fall to your lap. Palms down for grounding, palms open for receiving. Allow your eyes to fall to a close and begin to breathe in and out. Breathing in to lift and breathing out to ground. Take just a moment to return to this place to return to now, practicing what we mentioned earlier. And if you need a word mantra, you can say shuv, shuv, shuv. If you feel the thoughts pull in you one way or another. Gently greet them and then remind yourself shuv. There's so much going on in the world, and so much and so little we can do at the same time. It can be very easy to be hard on ourselves. So I'm going to invite us into a practice I learned from Coach Greta. I'll share her information. That is a personal practice and the mirror practice. We'll do it once with our eyes closed, and then I invite you if you can to find a mirror, or a way to look at yourself in your zoom camera, for example. Please repeat after me to yourself. And I've added one for this three series of blessings. I love you. I know. I apologize. I forgive you. Thank you. I invite you to find a way to look at yourself. To pin your video in the Zoom meeting, or to find a mirror. To speak it out loud in your space. And let it sit with you a few times. I love you. I know. I apologize. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you. I know. I apologize. I forgive you. Thank you. Can you breathe in that love and that care? That repentance that return for yourself? Can you extend it to yourself throughout your day? Can you extend it to others throughout your day? May this practice in the words of this prayer allow us to continue to return to that place of holiness of connection and love. So, so grateful to have spent another beautiful episode wading in the waters of liturgy with both of you thank you so much Ellen and Josh.
Amen amen, always so great to get the jump in together.
I'm looking forward to next time already.
Thank you so much for listening! Dear, dear listeners. Our podcast is edited by Christi Dodge of Allobee. Thank you Christi! Our extensive show notes which we hope you are perusing and learning from are put together by Yaffa Englander. Thank you Yaffa! You can find us on Instagram at the light dot lab. And wherever you get your podcasts please share word of mouth is the way that we are getting this out and we hope this is a resource for you and anyone else who would like again to dive deeply or wade into the waters of tefillot with us. Thank you so much we'll see you soon!