We believe in functional mental wellness, a holistic approach to mental health. We know that there's hope for those of us who have experienced trauma, even profound trauma and that's why we created the universe is your therapist podcast, we believe whether you call it God, the universe, source, unity or love that there is something much greater than us that conspires for our good, we envision a world of healing and connection, and we teach you simple but powerful practices that integrate your mind, body and spirit so that you can come home to your highest self and your truest identity. You are not broken, you are loved, and you can heal. My name is Amy Hoyt, and together with my sister, Lena, we will take you on a journey of healing and self discovery.
Hey, Bob, I want to tell you how much I enjoy working with you, and how organized you are. And I was wondering if you would be able to help me a little bit with organization, I know that that's a hard thing for me.
Welcome to today's episode, we will be talking about how trauma shows up at work, we're going to be looking at how it shows up for us as individuals, as well as from a managerial or leadership perspective. How to handle it if we see some of the signs or symptoms of trauma showing up in the workplace. We're also going to briefly discuss being a trauma informed workplace and how to provide that environment to optimize the workplace for the leaders and the employees. We hope you will enjoy today's episode Lena, how do you see childhood trauma or even a recent trauma show up for people in the workplace
that shows up in so many ways. And some of them are subtle, and some of them are obvious to other people. But if we are the one that has had the trauma, we don't always notice that it's impacting us at work. The most common thing that I see at work is that it disrupts focus and concentration. And it reduces productivity. And those are some of the ways that I see it. And then also, I also see it a lot in relationships at work, and reactivity to instructions or directions or bosses or co workers at work.
I also have seen that where it, it's not obvious that it's stemming from a childhood dynamic or even a recent trauma, but that it shows up in a lot of conflict. And or a lot of, of the fun reaction, which would be the pleasing reaction at work. And so that could look like taking on a lot more work than you were originally asked to do for your salary. It could look like saying yes to projects when your plate is already full, instead of letting the person know that, you know, there are certain deadlines that you have already committed to. And you can't fit that in today or this week. And I also noticed that showing up in something that we call splitting, where there is a problem between two people at work and one of those people brings in a third party as a confidant, but that creates the dynamics of chaos and conflict within the workplace.
I think you might be talking about triangulation? Oh, you're right. Yes, when there's a conflict between two people and a third person gets brought in. But splitting also occurs at work. And what splitting is, is when you go to somebody who is above you, and you ask them to do something, and they say no. So you go to somebody else who's above you. And you ask them if you can do something. And instead of responding to the initial manager and their response, you try to get a different answer from a different manager. And that creates chaos at work as well.
Okay, thank you for that clarification. I think I'm thinking of my parenting. parenting classes that were taking my children split us. Because that's what they're supposed to do. Right? They're pushing boundaries. Yep. So at work we have splitting where you're trying to get basically whatever you want from whomever you can, regardless of the boundaries or the hierarchy that's established at work, right. And then going back to my original example, triangulation is bringing in other people into a dispute or conflict and not in a productive way where they can help you resolve it but in a way where you are basically having them take sides and creating a workplace that is not straightforward, right? And Integris?
Yes, great, great word choice there, when we have a problem with someone else, if we ask somebody else to take care of that for us. So let's say that I'm unhappy with my boss, and I go to a coworker and say, Hey, would you tell, you know, the boss, Suzie Q, that she's too hard on people, and she needs to relax? Well, now I'm involving someone who wasn't involved in the first place. And it's my concern, not my co workers concern. And so I'm the one who's responsible for addressing it if I choose to do so.
I think that's a great example. And just to nuance that a little bit, if you have someone who is managing you, and they are acting inappropriately, then that's an HR concern. Very good point. And that is the channel to go through. So what we have to ask ourselves when we're having conflict at work is is this inappropriate or abusive behavior. If not, I can go to that person and have a discussion. Although it's very scary, and we've done other episodes about how to have hard conversations, we can have that hard conversation ourselves in a productive way. If the behavior is abusive, or inappropriate, that is an HR concern. And you can confidentially go to your HR department, and they will help you work through that.
That's a really important step. And sometimes people will say, Well, my HR won't do anything about it. And if that's the case, I'm really sorry to hear it, because that's the purpose of HR. And yet, it's still important to go to HR, because part of what you're doing is you are making a you're, you're officially stating to somebody that there's a problem with the manager or boss that you're working under. And that gets documented. And that's an important thing for the company to understand and know so that they can help that boss or manager engage differently with their co workers.
Exact Exactly, yes. One of the dynamics I want to go back to is just general conflict in the workplace. So we hear a lot about trauma informed workplaces now. And we've discussed for the last few minutes, how our own personal trauma might show up at work. What as a manager, if you're looking, you know, or listening to this episode from a managerial perspective, how, what are some things you could do to put in some trauma informed practices right away into the workplace?
One thing to do, and I know it sounds very simple, but it's worked for decades, is to have an anonymous suggestion box. And well, it seems a little silly, and maybe even a little bit like elementary school, what you get is you get people who are willing to be honest, because there's no skin in the game, because it's anonymous, who are able to make suggestions or requests that can help you, as a manager, engage in running your department in a way that is more productive and is more beneficial for all of your team. So that can be something that is very simple and easy, but can bring benefits. Amy, what do you think that managers can do to be informed about trauma in the workplace?
Well, I think part of having a trauma informed workplace is providing choices. And that can be really difficult from a leadership perspective when you have goals and targets you're trying to make. And so I think low stakes choices are very important. When we are perhaps even assigning work groups or you know, partnerships to work on a project, letting them have a little bit of choice within that project. And in basically encouraging collaboration. And a little bit of not a little bit, I would say a lot of positive reinforcement. So one of the hiccups that we have in our brain is that we have that negativity bias and we're constantly looking for something that's wrong or not, not going well because we are trying to feel safe. And that happens at work as well. Correct. So if we're in charge of a group of people, and we notice which, because we're human, we're going to notice what they're not doing right before we notice what's going well. And so initially, as a leader, I would jot down without verbalizing some of the things you're noticing that need improvement. And then I would start a list immediately of all the things that are going well. And before I approach my team or my employee, I would definitely start that conversation with thinking and really feeling that appreciation for what they're doing well, and then talk about some of the opportunities and end the conversation with more wins that they are giving the team essentially. And so not in a disingenuous, we have to keep everything positive, but in a 90% of your work is going really, really well. And I'm going to highlight it. And then we're going to talk about opportunities to turn this 10% around. And then we're going to end with me appreciating you as an employee.
I think that's a great approach for a couple of reasons. One thing that it does is if I'm your manager, and I want to have a talk with you about strengths and opportunities, then you're likely going to have a little bit of a nervous system reaction when I'm calling you in to speak to me. And so when I'm able to start with a genuine acknowledgement of your contributions and the things that you're doing well, and then ask for suggestions or give suggestions to you as a boss, and then finish up with, again, acknowledging your value to the team. That is something that the nervous system will allow. And you'll be able to learn from as an employee because your your brain won't be in fight or flight the entire time. I think a lot of us have that experience where somebody says we need to talk. And our nervous system instantly gets really aroused, and we go into a fear response. And so we can either be really defensive, or we can be really shut down. And we want the people that we work with, to have an opportunity to hear things accurately. And in order to do that, we have to understand how to productively get the brain to calm down.
I think that's a great point. And I still have that even when one of my kids are like we need to talk. What I do, right, let alone someone at work that may or may not have power over me. Right, right. As an employee, let's go back to that perspective. So let's say I am working with a leader who is not abusive, but their style is just a little bit harder for me, what would be an appropriate way for me to address them in a trauma informed workplace, and let them know kind of what I need from them.
I love the approach. I call it the Preface. And we've talked about this on another podcast episode. And the preface allows somebody to have an idea of where you're going and what you need, before you make your request. So that they have a nervous system that's more calm when you actually give the request. It may sound something like this. Hey, Bob, I want to tell you how much I enjoy working with you and how organized you are. And I was wondering if you would be able to help me a little bit with organization, I know that that's a hard thing for me. And can you remind me, whatever it is that I'm asking for, I'm not asking for Bob to do my job and remember things for me, I'm trying to let Bob know what I appreciate about Bob and then ask for an approach that might be more helpful or productive for me.
Lena, let's go back to the employee scenario. If I'm an employee, and you're my manager, and you're not being abusive, so this is not an HR issue. But I need to communicate that you're overloading me, I literally can't get everything done. I need to what would be a good way for me to communicate that to you in a trauma informed workplace?
I think one of the most productive ways would be for you to come in and tell me how much you value that I have confidence in you to accomplish a lot and that it's a real compliment to you and you appreciate the vote of confidence. And then to me make a request about what you're noticing. So I'm noticing that sometimes I am being asked to do two different things. And one thing that you're asking me to do is getting in the way of the timely delivery of the other thing. And ask me as the manager, if you have any, if I have any ideas about how to resolve that, because I am the manager, and you are letting me know what's not working or what you're struggling with. And by asking me for ideas, I'm less defended, and able to appreciate that you're approaching me to problem solve.
That's wonderful. Thank you. Well, we hope you enjoyed today's episode. As a recap, we talked about how trauma from our childhood might show up at work with conflict or splitting or triangulation, and how we might resolve that whether we're from the employee standpoint, or the manager leader standpoint. And if you have further questions about this, we would love to hear from you. You can go on Instagram or LinkedIn, we're at mending trauma, as well as we'd love to have you email us at Hello at many trauma with any suggestions or to continue the conversation. And we will see you next week. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you want to go deeper on this subject or any other subjects we've covered in the podcast. We are so excited to be launching our signature membership program at mending trauma.com This is a trauma informed mental health membership where we combine clinically effective practices courses and mentoring while putting you in the driver's seat. We teach you how to heal your trauma with the latest research combining mind body and spirit we want to walk you through a healing journey while also empowering you if you have felt this episode is helpful. We would absolutely love if you would go to Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your pods and give us a review. We'd also love it if you would share it with someone you think it might help tag us on social media at mending trauma.com Or at Amy Hoyt PhD, we would love to reshare and also if there's anything we can do to help we would love to hear from you email info at mending trauma.com Give us your suggestions or topics you want to hear about. We would absolutely love to be of more service to you. We're so excited because we have so many good episodes coming up in season two, and we can't wait to go on this journey with you
