[137] Developing Perspective and Compassion Through Mindfulness Practice – with Joe Parent
1:03AM Nov 21, 2023
Speakers:
Alyssa
joseph
HAMISH
Bryant Wood
Keywords:
compassion
open
feeling
awareness
feel
breastbone
aware
people
posture
good
pair
benefit
shoulders
practice
blame
thinking
bigger
suffering
interesting
meditation
Well, welcome. We're heading towards Thanksgiving. The holiday season of course. At Halloween people they're already Christmas decorations going up so it's everything gets earlier and earlier each year I think. I think in July I think I saw advanced Black Friday sale don't wait till Thanksgiving. No. It's it seems like that it seems like that. So I was thinking a little bit about what I wanted to present today. The meeting summary with AI companion is on oh hello AI it's nice to have a companion. So it it automatically corrects anything I say wrong. That's What's handy about that. That's great. Good old AI course you know it all. Depends on what you put in up. So I was thinking about what to what to talk about a little bit today and with what's going on in the Middle East. You know, before that the headlines were Ukraine and the Russian invasion of Ukraine. And that that was for pretty much the whole world. It was pretty clear that it was it was Russia is doing and and although they claimed oh, these were the problems with Ukraine and this is why we we had to do it. It was a little thin. In in Sudan, which is not so much in the headlines, but two rival factions. And both of them were saying we're gonna save the country from these other evil people. But really, they were just saying we want the power. And the other ones are saying no, no, we want the power and innocent people were dying in the middle of that. And then you get to the Palestine and Israel situation. And it's very clear that how horrific the surprise attack on October 7 was and and intense intentionally burning families and and killing babies and all sorts of terrible things. And then people say but look and then the Israeli response. They're saying you can almost say that's intentional, knowing that there are people there. And then you go well, it was your fault. And no, it was your fault for how you treated the Palestinians and whether it was your fault for how you treated rallies and it just it goes back to the point where it's, it's basically blaming others and in the Buddhist tradition. It is said that the main source of suffering is self cherishing and blaming others. I'm more important than you are. And that's the claim. I had a friend who said, Yep, yeah, I get it. I'm more important than you are. And I said, Yeah, that's the problem. He said, No, no, I am. I'm more important than you are. So so we were it was a joke, but it's something that is so, so prevalent. And and it's the basis and the basis of it is saying, Well, I want happiness, and I want to be free. from suffering. And my happiness and freedom from suffering is more important than yours. So according to the tradition, the the the really most important thing to do is to see others as equally important as yourself, which is not easy to do. But that's really the practice. And something that I think is is helpful is to be aware of our bodies. And what the physiological response, the physiological reaction, the feeling that we have, if our happiness is threatened, or we can't get something that we want, you know, they talk about these different categories, not getting what you want is boring. Not being able to keep what you have that you like is suffering. Being stuck with what you don't want to suffering and not be able to being able to keep it the what you don't want away from you is suffering. And it's helpful to tune into the physiological, what's the feeling when where I want to keep for myself is threatened. There is a reaction is a physiological reaction. When it's a question of who's going to benefit them or me. There's a physiological reaction if we feel like we're going to get the short end of the stick. If there there's something that we want that somebody else has or there's something that's going wrong and and you're we don't want to get the blame. We'd rather that someone else gets the blame. There's a physiological reaction. And if you want some amusement along these lines, there's a there was a movie called into the woods with Meryl Streep and James Corden and a lot of lot of other great actors. And it was a musical and it kind of meshes all these different fairytales together. And you can you can go on YouTube and and find this this clip just just search for it's your fault from into the woods. And the whole song is everybody figuring out whose fault the problem is. And it goes well, it's your fault. Well, no, no, then it's your fault. This happened. So it's your fault. Are you saying it's my fault? Yes, it's your and it's hysterical. But it's a it's kind of a spoof on how we go through the day. Well, that was their fault. That was their fault. That was their fault. And, and it's the cause of so many difficulties. So check out as you go through the day, when you have these kinds of situations, what is the feeling? Is it a feeling of protecting oneself and needing to get something for oneself and being afraid of losing something? Or is it seeing a bigger perspective seeing that there's two sides to the story
and there are some dimensions that are very traditional. They're called the eight worldly or conventional concerns. Or you could say priorities and they're the source of difficulties. When we are attached to things coming out a particular way, our way and you know that it can even be it can even blend in a little bit. Into the ways that we might help others. Remember one of my closest teachers, the budget region versal Tenzin, someone asked him about helping others and he said about helping them get back on track. And he said yes, it's it's good to help others get back on track. Just make sure it's their track, not your track.
And so we can, you know, the idea of mindfulness and awareness is noticing where we're coming from noticing the tendency to blame or the tendency to have a bigger view and maybe the tendency to say, what is it about me that's causing me to feel have such difficulties with this. And there's a saying in psychology, it really bugs me when you do that thing. That I do.
Now, Hamish put the put these in the list, one translation of them in the in the chat, and I'll go through them. But before I do, I want you to think about these. From what I just said, with the attitude of a lion rather than a dog. What does that mean? Well, one of my teachers explained, if you throw a stick at a dog, the dog chases the stick. If you throw a stick at a lion, the lion chases you. So do we look at the source of our problems as something out there? Or do we look here? So that's that's the one question to ask. No, these eight and pairs, pleasure and pain. And I've I've categorized these into into four different kinds. of pairs. And the first one is personal. material or external. I mean, personal. Internal. I'm sorry, I made a mistake. The first pair is personal internal. The feeling of pleasure and wanting to feel that more in the feeling of pain and wanting to feel that less. So I want to experience more pleasure. On experience less pain. That's make sense. Pretty common. When it becomes extreme, then it actually causes a lot of problems. The second pair is personal, external. So we have personal internal personal external, what I have to gain what I have to lose. And this relates primarily to material things, because the social things come up next. This is primarily material things.
preoccupied with needing to gain more to confirm our identity, I need more and fear of loss, that challenges are self worth. The third pair is interpersonal, individual and that is praise. And Hamish wrote blame but we could also think of it as criticism.
We could think of it as individual approval disapproval. So praise, compliment approval. That that constellation that I don't feel good enough about myself. I need that to feel good about myself. And criticism blame disapproval, devastating undercuts or self worth. When it's that extreme like that, it causes lots of problems. And the fourth pair shows that in the chat, he put up security and fame sometimes it's fame and infamy. Could be fame in obscurity, but basically it's it's not as much obscurity, as good reputation, bad reputation. So the last one is interpersonal group. Society. Whatever your group reference point is, you do you have a good reputation. Do you have a bad reputation the third pair was approval, disapproval, individual. Praise criticism individual. The other is good reputation. bad reputation. The word on the street is really good guy. The word on the street is kind of a jerk reputation. So an interesting exercise. And and I'm I'm suggesting these kinds of monitoring exercises. That's the the awareness function in mindfulness and awareness. The awareness function of noticing how you're reacting, in fact, is the difference between reacting and responding. When we have that first kind of physiological reaction of self protection or self or need self need it's a reaction when we have a bigger perspective, it's a response and there's a pretty common saying, you can't control what have you, but you can control how you respond to it, or you react to it. Different So being aware of bodily sensations in Is there a physiological reaction? Be aware of mental concepts? How am I seeing this? How am I thinking about this? And is it based on those eight? Or is it based on equality and compassion? And loving kindness?
The latter are better loving kindness and compassion for oneself and for others.
And to be able to respond with loving kindness and compassion that is appropriate. Rather than what's what Trump rooms called idiot compassion. But what's what's really actually hopeful what's really actually kind of a situation takes intense takes clarity. So the practices that we do are first calming the the choppy waters. So we can see clearly to the bottom of that link.
Then when we've settled that down, and see clearly and can clarify our confusion, then we can be of benefit. That's my other favorite saying by the region, the vote region. Good Intentions mixed with confusion. A recipe for disaster. So even if we have positive intentions, if we're not seeing things clearly, we can actually cause more trouble for ourselves and others. When we think or it is a benevolent attitude, we want to help but if we if we help out of confusion, we could be causing harm. So we can first so there's tranquility. Then we open up our awareness so that we have perspective and then we actually train our minds to move away from self fixation and self priority to a bigger view with kindness and compassion to others.
So let's get started. We'll go through these sequence of practices have an interesting one for the if you've done this before with us this compassion practice of sending and taking of it sometimes it's called exchanging self for others, but basically it's exchanging wishing that we could give others the things that will make them happy, that make us happy, and that we can take away from them the things that are causing them suffering. And we're included in that. So taking good posture and because we're going to do at least part of the practice is with their eyes open. It's good. You can move now or another time but but to turn your your device or your chair so that you are not looking directly into the screen. There we go. And whether you're on a cushion on the floor or chair, just get your sit bones. Let them sink into the cushion, the seat that you're in, and try to make sure you're balanced and not tilted one way or the other. Not leaning forward or back. If you need to lean back against something that's okay. We're not trying to punish ourselves with this. If you need to lean back against something. Just be aware of that and scoot your your butt back. right up against the back of whatever your you need to lean against. So that it keeps you upright
it's easier on your lower back and on your legs if if your knees are slightly below your hips. If your legs are short, you can put your feet flat on the floor and a chair but if they're long just crossing at their ankles
you want a feeling that your torso is upright but not rigid. And that it extends not just to the top of your shoulders but up your neck and up the back of your head. So there's a as if there's a line from the top of the back of your head straight down to your tailbone. There's curve there curves in your spine but if you want to to imagine that straight line so that your chin isn't pushed forward or tilted back or tilted down. One of the most common is we think we're straight up but our chin is tilted forward. So it may it may take tucking the chin. Just a tiny bit everything we do. You know, one of my teachers said when I tell you to make an adjustment i It's like taking an aspirin just one or two not the whole bottle. So a little subtle adjustment your upper arms are hanging straight down from your shoulders, and your hands or poem down on top of your thighs. And if you're familiar with the posture where they're more in your lap with one, the back of one hand in the palm of the other that's okay. Whatever you're comfortable wherever you're comfortable as long as your upper arms are hanging pretty much straight down from your shoulders. And one thing that I find is helpful and will be particularly helpful when we do the compassion practices. Opening your heart by feeling like the center of your sternum the center of your breastbone, lifts just like a quarter of an inch up and forward. It's really interesting. The impact just that little move makes your chest opens your shoulders come back, your shoulder blades come together your back becomes more upright and firm, that your heart becomes more open and your breathing is much easier than when your shoulders are curled forward. But don't pull your shoulders back. Just lift that breastbone a tiny bit. And in shamballa language we would say it that lifting our heart creates good head and shoulders.
You can let your eyes close and if you'd like you can scan from the top of your head down through your body. Just being aware of any extra tension that's hanging in there. Your scalp and your face. Jaw often there's extra tension just let it relax. We want our our lips to be either just barely touching or just barely parted very slightly. So you can let your jaw relax without your mouth hanging open. neck and shoulders. You may be surprised to feel like you're you don't even realize it but you're holding your shoulders up. Don't push them down but just let them fall. Take their natural weight chest and upper back a little tension to raise your breastbone. The rest relax around that tension. ribcage lower back deep belly. Again some subtle clenching of deep belly and pelvic region without losing your posture, let go you're just sitting there you don't need to hold on. Let go. Hips arms hanging down from the shoulders, extending out to the hands and fingers thighs. Knees, calves, ankles and feet.
do is settle into your body aware of your whole body fully inhabiting it. So rather than thinking of your mind as being up behind your forehead, let it drop down and rest. Deep in your core. few inches below the navel in front of the spine. Let your awareness rest there
you'll feel the gentle movement as your diaphragm moves up and down for your breathing. And it feels like your deep belly is filling and expanding and then as you breathe out, emptying and contracting
now let your eyes open about halfway look downward under your eyelids. Just a couple of feet in front of you. Just to be aware that this is your body you're aware of your body sitting in the space
you have your mind, your body, the space around you. And awareness of your breathing is going to be the focus let it be awareness deep in your core filling and emptying.
Then let your eyes have a soft gaze. Whatever direction they're looking at whatever object they rest on. Let it rest in that direction but not looking at the object just it's almost as if you're just seeing the space that you're in seeing the space rather than looking at something
because we're so used to having our mind occupied and this is pretty simple. The mind might start entertaining itself with thoughts and one builds onto another into a daydream and suddenly you're someplace else. Your mind is someplace else when you realize it and you realize that that happened. Just smile. No judgment necessary to smile your eye. That was often thoughts are thinking. gently bring your awareness back to your deep core. The feeling of filling and emptying we'll do that for a couple of minutes.
going to move a little bit and reinvigorate your posture. Now raise your gaze. Just open your eyes normally. And once you've taken your posture, just notice where your eyes naturally look. It's not quite straight up to horizontal, not too far down somewhere in between and soften your gaze and open your peripheral vision. Tune into the space that your body is sitting in. That the bigger space that your mind is also aware of. peripheral vision open side to side top to bottom. Peripheral hearing open to sounds near and far. And open mind identifying more with the space and the thoughts themselves. The thoughts appear in the mind. Like birds flying across the sky. Let your mind be more like the sky than the birds
let your attention to your breathing be more on the out breath going out. And as the breath goes out open your awareness out into the space out open. Just resting that spaciousness is each breath goes out. Again if your mind wanders off into a daydream and you're no longer here, when you'll come back at some point and at that moment, just smile and go Ah that was someplace else. Back to out, open and spacious. We'll do that for a couple of minutes.
If you need to. reinvigorate your posture. This last part is the passion practice. And we do that from an attitude of spaciousness and the most the biggest perspective is vast spaciousness. So imagine that awareness that you had of the space around you extends out farther and farther. Until it's as vast as the sky all living beings are under the sky UNDER THE SAME SKY
and we all share that wish to have happiness, the wish to be free from suffering. When we say happiness, we include contentment, peace of mind. peaceful existence, security, safety. Freedom from fear. We talking about suffering. We talk about physical and emotional pain, anxiety. Fear. Illness, a lack of well being.
To raise your breastbone again, and open your heart and know that all of us have this capacity for kindness and compassion. Think of it as a bright light, like a laser brightness light in your heart center. That it sends out rays of light
brings happiness, peace and most important the positive emotions. The positive qualities send out understanding send out acceptance to all beings send out wisdom send out kindness and caring send out love
and what we breathe in is all the causes of suffering which are the poisonous emotions, sometimes called afflictive emotions. And you can think of them you know the black acrid smoke that comes off the tar when they're paving roads. That's those poisonous emotions that have people under their spell in a trance causing them to do terrible things because suffering for themselves and others and sometimes just feeling that way towards themselves. As you breathe in. Imagine that you're breathing into your heart center. All that negativity. And when it comes into your heart center, the laser of compassion, zaps it burns it up instantly and sends out in its place those rays of light of kindness and compassion and understanding. Breathe in fear, hatred, ignorance, jealousy, greed and have them burned up in your heart of compassion and send out patience acceptance and understanding, kindness and well being we'll do that for a couple of minutes.
now. Since we developed first tranquility, then awareness and insight and then compassion all for the being able to better benefit others. We conclude by dedicating that benefit the benefit that we received we want to dedicate that to others through this practice. So you can repeat after me or put it in your own words. Made the practice we have just done. We have even more benefit to others than to ourselves.
Thank you. It's wonderful to practice with everyone. Please feel free to unmute yourself and and re video yourself and share whatever comments or thoughts you have. And of course we'll see Tim Tims in the chat since he can't be seen or heard.
Comments, questions suggestions?
Kitty. You have to unmute.
Think it after I learned that as notoriety and fame. That's how we were taught. The final two parents notice and pay and
fame and notoriety is like infamy. It's exactly bad reputation. benefit.
And fame is all good. Good. Good. Yes. Thank you so much for that. It's been a while since I went through those eight.
It's an interesting pairing, isn't it? It is personal, internal, personal, external, social, individual social group.
And I never thought of it that way. But that's exactly what's going on there.
covers pretty much everything.
It does cover everything right except
compassion and wisdom. Well, there's that
we put that in there as a pair.
No, it's not in there. These are conventional concerns that actually get in the way of compassion. And wisdom. Yes, curator.
At thought is settled vow is to have compassion to actually put other people first because you if they aren't enlightened, you never get to be enlightened to hear both sides. So everyone is kind of larger that we are
just not even equal for people who don't know what that word is Bodhisattva as Bodhi is awake or wisdom and such as being so the vow is May I work more for the work for the benefit of others rather than myself. It's the it's the intention to develop all the qualities that put others first but but be it begins with the quality rather than you up here in them down there or them up here in New John there. How we are the same. And, and it's a combination of compassion and insight,
wisdom and
and recognition of the nature of reality is interdependence. So we have all three of those are the facets of the jewel of enlightened mind and the Bodhisattva the practices to put others first, to reverse the habit of putting ourselves first. Not that you have to put them first and you last. The point is you do that but you do so that you can reverse your habit of putting yourself first and then of course, the vow is to do that until all sentient beings reach Buddhahood or enlightenment. The challenge is all sentient beings are infinite. But then there's the I like the story of the the last two Bodhisattvas who have accomplished that and all sentient beings have gone to enlightenment ahead of them. And there's just two the two of them left and one says after you and the other one says no, no, no.
I've never heard this starts
I'm gonna I'm going to joking mood tonight. I guess.
Hamish first
then Bryant i I especially enjoyed this morning's meditation because I had short visitation to a hell realm as in myself. I remembered spontaneously. Something had happened to me where a large sum of money was stolen from me. And I immediately felt it's probably adrenaline come into my physical form. And I went, oh, oh, look at this. Oh, yes. This is not useful for me. But in the end, actually, it is useful for me because now I'm aware of it. And now that I'm aware of it, I can drop it. But it's interesting how that feeling of adrenaline in my body is it's almost drugged like it's it's an infusion. Of of anger and a feeling for wanting revenge. That invades my physical being and it's quite interesting to see and feel and then be able to drop it and go back to Samatha. So I just wanted to say that thank you very much
your good work. That's That's what I was talking about that physiological reaction. And I you know, that that having someone take a large sum of money for me I hate that when that happens. Brian
thanks for Hamish for sharing it that the way that you did as awesomely said, man, and I appreciate the meditation a lot. I'm about to go into a difficult conversation with my wife. And it felt like perfect timing. Much and then I think Mike, I've two questions. I would love some clarity on one being a more of an where to operate from on an every moment basis. As an example, I'm communicating with the person at the gas station. Do you feel like it's productive to expand my awareness to hold the environment and speak from that space? Or is it better to store it in my solar plexus in my spine? There's that kind of just based off of how I'm feeling in the moment.
You know, the solar plexus? Well, it's not really the solar plexus. That's up a little higher. That's that's like it's more the in Japan they call it the hara was done. Yeah, the done TNB. Below the navel is the core of energy. But that's, that is for sitting meditation and also for movement meditation. But when you're communicating that's, that's for you for how you move your body through space. But when you're communicating, make it bigger. Right? Be that be the sky. In which two birds are dancing. Right? are a big big stage that the two of you you know, Shakespeare was kind of into that you know all the world's a stage and the beings merely players. Yeah. So this is the gas station scene take one.
Interesting, this perfectly put. Second question and thank you for that. That's like you're tantalizing everything I love about this. These concepts are very similar what Hamish said and I'm just going to kind of refer to him because he's going to like, I think I'm breaking free from that addiction. And I'm almost there. And I can, I can feel it instantaneously, almost before it happens. And we're about to get into an argument and it's so funny to me that I'm still like a slave to these emotions. And I have the capacity just like I just experienced with your meditation to free myself from these transient states and enter into this vast peace and yet I feel these subtle nuances that build up in like, when I'm in complete peace, and then all of a sudden there's a reaction to seed in me. And it's, it's wild to me that I have this in me still. And I'm just curious, within the vastness of this play that I'm experiencing, is there any like immediate quick, I know the quick is not the word, but if, if I'm doing the work before you, I think you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I
hate that when that happens, too. But yeah, something very simple for you. Sense of humor. Have a sense of humor about the whole thing? Yes, it keeps coming back. Yes, it's there's artifacts from lifetime after lifetime that, you know, 80,000 lifetimes ago, you as a muskrat, you know, chased a little mouse. And so now that karma ripened and you feel chased by something you and where did where did that come from? You have any sense of humor. You can unpack where all those things came from. But if you have a sense of humor, that's the spaciousness around it. And then you don't get down on yourself.
My mom, my mom calls with my scrap.
You way.
My mom calls me my Scrat. Lucky Yes. Yeah, I'm sure
that's, I didn't know that but that I have. That's so interesting, because I have no idea where that animal came from because I went back a dozen years. Why would I pick a muskrat? I don't. So I picked something up from you. I don't know what it is. But there you go. That's, that's that. That's really interesting. That's pretty bizarre. Anyway, yes, sense of humor. Have a sense of humor. Don't take what we're doing seriously, but don't take yourself so seriously. And go, you know, I want you to say two things. And I know we're going a little over time. So if you have to go thank you so much. But So Brian, okay. Why don't you say the sentence there I go again with two different attitudes. So I'm going to you can imitate me. There I go again, do that. There I go again. And then here's another one. Oh, there we go again.
Oh, there I go again.
That was harder. I saw it was harder for you to do that one. Interesting.
Yeah. I get frustrated myself when I feel like I'm not you know, committed to the process of not perfect. Yeah. So the practice that I go again? Oh, that's a cool way to put it. Oh, amazing.
Okay. I hope that's helpful. Thank you. Anybody else? Oh, that was fun. This evening. Most grad thing was pretty weird. Yeah. That's pretty good. It was Laura. Well, I hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful for this precious life that we all have, that we can hear these teachings that we have the leisure. How many people in the world can take an hour and sit and do essentially nothing. That is, that is wealth. That is rare and and that and it said it's the precious? That's a precious human birth, not just a regular human birth. We have that precious that we're free of the the challenges that so many people in the world right now just for survival. So appreciate that. Be thankful for that and, and appreciative that that we have this opportunity, and it's not an end it's we don't want to waste it. We can use it for to benefit ourselves and ultimately, to benefit others. So thank you so much. And I think I'm back next Monday, so I'll see you in a week
tongue toggling for the turkey. I love that. That's right. recording stopped. You can always have tofurkey
