Should you date your coworker? w/ Jamie Loftus & Charlie Malcolm, Dating Disasters Day 1

5:13PM Jul 10, 2022

Speakers:

Keywords:

date

coworker

charlie

profile

week

co worker

tinder

person

dating apps

talking

nice

crypto

meet

people

airport

smiling face

takeaway

granville

ran

hinge

Are you in the mood to hear some absolute dating disasters? Well, buckle in, you're in luck because today we've got a whole show full of some amazing cringe worthy tales all about the search for love. I'm in love with the love with you. Hello, my name is Jaime Loftus, and I'm guest hosting today on lovestruck daily. So my whole deal is that I am a comedian and a podcaster. I'm currently a writer on Star Trek, lower decks. And I do a number of podcasts including my most recent limited series with I Heart Radio is called Ghost church about the history of American spiritualism and a bunch of psychics in Florida. But that's not what we're talking about today. Today, we are talking all about dating disasters, something that I personally am uniquely qualified to comment on because I had sex with someone I met at a hot dog eating contest this year. So with that in mind, I think you can take all of my dating advice very seriously. I'm a very discerning person. And all of my choices make a lot of sense. Speaking of someone who makes decisions that make a lot of sense. Let's get our guest in here today, the one and only truly wonderful Charlie Malcolm. I had so much fun talking to him. Charlie is a composer and lyricist in LA. He's extremely talented and also has some of the widest variety of wild dating stories I have heard in some time. Very excited for you to hear what he has to say about dating app stories and IRL dating stories. Turns out to nobody's surprise. They're both the worst. So let's take a listen to our conversation. Hi, Charlie, how are you?

I am great. I am happy to be here.

Oh my gosh. Okay, so just to start, could you introduce yourself a little Could you tell me who you are? What you do? And just out of strict curiosity on my end, what dating applications do you use?

Oh, lots of lots of info. Okay. I'm Charlie Malcolm. I'm based in Los Angeles metro area. I am currently working as a post production coordinator. And okay, currently, I'm only on Tinder, which is a funny story because I was never on Tinder before. But then after a particularly bad incident that happened a few weeks ago, I deleted all my other dating apps, which included hinge. I was also on Grindr because I was curious. And it was also on Tammy, I was on all the apps. I don't like Bumble though, for some reason. That one just didn't get me.

I mean, fair enough. And then like, yeah,

I just deleted them all. And then someone told me about the tinder swindler, the movie, and I watched it and I was like, You know what, I think I had the worst takeaway from this movie was that I should get on Tinder now. But like it was a terrible idea for me to be like at least these people got to go on private jets and get to the taken out to dinner.

I have so many questions in the fight your experience, because I mean, but I do agree with you. Exactly. get something out of it at the top at very least.

Yes. I mean, I can tell you this story. Okay. This happened a few weeks ago it was on hinge okay, but you know, I would say out of all the dating apps, I would say hinges the classiest. Okay, for my opinion, like it's really nice. You get to like go through look at all the like, you get to see who likes you for free. That's nice. And that you can see what they like about one to you.

I don't really I've never really used dating apps. So every piece of information you're going to give me is going to be met with shock and awe. Oh, this is Reese Yeah, this is it. This is horny research on my part. So you get to see who likes you and what specifically they liked about your profile. Yes. Wow. Big Data. Okay,

but this one was funny. I my more or less have an aesthetic or did at the time. Yes, I've changed this much in the last couple of weeks. To be like, um, yeah, if you look like a duck boy, like I'm okay with that. I just want you to have like a personality like it's a nice aesthetic. Okay.

It is said it can be very pleasing. Yeah,

it's a nice aesthetic. Like I like Hey, I just don't Be a gym rat. Like if you say I go to the gym all day, every day, I'm like, Oh, you're starting to like slip into this is too much for me. I don't physically like to exercise and I feel like that's not gonna work. You're like,

I will not be joining you there. So best of luck. So wait to I mean, this guy is a hiker, yes or no,

not a hiker. His profile was really simple. And here is probably the biggest red flag that I now look out for everywhere. Sometimes. I don't know if this happens on street apps, because obviously no straight person. But sometimes you come across profiles where people don't put their full name, they just put like a letter. Oh,

like just a letter. That's not enough into Yeah,

it was just like a letter. And they have like, lots of photos, more than one photos. And usually I'm really good about vetting. And I said, Hey, my name is Davi like, what's up with you, okay, and I was like, Oh, look, this, like hot person actually wants to talk with me. That's nice. That doesn't happen very often. Let's chat. And then we started chatting. And then he's like, What do you like to do for fun? I'm like, Well, right now, I'm like reading a lot of books. But he's like, oh, what books are you reading? And I mentioned about the books. And he talked about some of the books that he was reading. And I was like, That's personality. This never happened, which honestly, should have been the biggest red flag and we were just like, having a really good conversation. And he was like, Yeah, I'm from Singapore. But I moved to LA like a few years ago, just for more opportunities. I do like interior design, but I do finance for like, my main work. And I was like, okay, cool. I've always wanted to data finance, bro. It was on my checklist of things, people to date. Wow, somebody who has money theoretically, a steady job

personalities to experience Yeah, yeah, you gotta tip your toe in the someone who has money pool every once in a while, just to just to remember

so. So then he started, like, basically I mentioned Oh, like right now joking. I don't have a lot of money because I just like paid rent. And this guy's like, oh, well, do you have like, a wealth plan? And I was like, No, but I have like a 401. Yeah, like, who cares? Oh, my God, finance,

bro talk? No, not a wealth plan. He's stressing me out. And

then he's like, listen, Charlie, I think this will be a really great project for you. I really like you. I think like, I really want to teach you about how to, like, do these finance stuff. So I'm gonna, like teach you about like, just how to invest in stuff. And I was like, I don't really want to invest any money. Also, you're a stranger from the internet. And mind you every time I match to somebody, I screenshot their profile. And then I go and try to like find their social media because I like stalking them. Right? Because you got to make sure they're not a murderer. And for some reason, I just couldn't find him on the social profile. So I started like, trying to move the conversation and be like, Well, I just kind of like want to meet you. Like if you like me that much, then we should just meet and he's like, Okay, I just want to like help you get money for so like, let me teach you about like cryptocurrency and I was like, dude, cryptocurrency is doing so bad right now. I don't want to put money in cryptocurrency. And that was the thing that, like, tripped me up a little bit because he was talking about crypto. Like he the way he was talking about finances. And crypto is like, he knew what he was talking about. And I could tell, but sure, I'll humour you. Cuz like, whatever he wants to do this project. So he was teaching me all about this stuff. Mind you. This was like, over the period of like, three days. And then eventually, he was like, Charlie, I really like you. And I don't want to look for any other people on the dating app. So I'm just letting you know, I'm deleting my hinge profile. And I was like, okay, cool. Like, are we going on a day like, and I went back and I like, I noticed his his trial file was gone. And I was like, this is weird. So I was like, Do you have any other social media? Just like, tell me fair question. And he's like, Oh, I don't do social. I don't do social. And I was like, Okay, fine. I do know a lot of people that don't do really like Instagram or anything. He's like, I have like a, like a WhatsApp. And I was like, fine. Let me chat with you on WhatsApp if you're more like communicative there. Because we were texting at this point. And I went to this what's happened is WhatsApp didn't have a profile picture, okay? And I was like, hey, Davi like you should upload a profile picture. And he's like, I don't really want to I don't like necessarily think I photograph well. And here's me using my flirtatious way to try to get information because I'm like, Man, I was like, Do you want to like FaceTime? Or like, whatever. And he's like, No, I just, I really want to save it for like, when we meet in person, because like, I feel like it's like so and personal. And I was like, Yeah, I just, I really wanted to see your face today, because it's so handsome. This is me. And, like, you're killing it. I mean, I'll thank you. Thank you. So it's like I just I just want to see your smiling face today. And he's like, okay, and then he like sends a picture in the picture

in the picture, or no is not of the guy from the profile, like not even, like remotely like passable, he just drops the act like he accidentally This is my idea is that I think this person runs multiple phishing schemes. And since he deleted the Dinge profile, he forgot which guy he was pretending to be. But he sends the picture of blonde, white man. And I'm like, sir, you're supposed to look like this person from Singapore. Remember, when he's like, Charlie, why don't you trust to be like you just said, said, I got confused. You said like, send me a picture of like a smiling face. And I sent you a picture of a smiling face. And I was like, Nah, bye bye. Apparently on WhatsApp, you can download the conversations in its entirety. And then I also went back to hinge and I reported the profile and being like, this guy's cat fishing. So now I don't trust any of the letter accounts because I'm like, I bet that guy just had like, one account for every letter of the alphabet, J K, L M N O P. And he's just probably writing them all. And I was just like, This is so ridiculous. And I was like, I'm taking a break from dating. And then like, one week later, I'm like, so I'm on Tinder now. But I don't know what the takeaway is from that. I

feel like the takeaway of that story for me is Wow, crypto is really and truly dead. If this is what the crypto bros are up to. Running 26 Tear scam.

I do have another funny story that happened like just a week before where I received my first ever dick pic, unsolicited.

Oh, why welcome to The Club.

I know. I know that. Well. staged? No. Be well. Okay. What's the photo? Good. The photo was good. I will say that. I was like if there was nice lighting, the room was not dirty. There was although there was like eight photos. I was like, why are you sending this to strangers? Okay,

unsolicited dick pics, though. Most recently, I got I left AirDrop on hold at an airport of all the places. I know. I was at an I was at an airport in Dallas, minding my own business, eating a hot dog of all the foods. I know of all the foods already having semi phallic experience. And then out of nowhere, not that they could have known that I was the girl eating the hot dog. They were just sending right right over there. To anyone who had accidentally left AirDrop on. But yeah, that was that was earlier this week at the Dallas airport. I did. And it was also like six in the morning. It was really early. This is like this story does not reflect well on me because I like you obviously can't get a hot dog at the airport at six in the morning. It was from the previous airport the night before I'd taken a read. I wasn't even

like cold. It was a Luke we're already having a rough morning. And now I have to see

a first of all, you know, like no one should send unsolicited pictures of themselves that like is like bad in itself. But also horrifically staged, clearly taken in the airport bathroom.

Not only did you not ask for it, there's no artistry behind it. And

fluorescent lighting.

Oh yeah. Gross.

Yeah. gussy it up for me. Probably no hygiene either. Let's

be real.

But you know, I'm here I am reflecting on it with some fondness. Wait, tell me your last. Tell me your last

dating story? Oh, yes, of course. Of course. So my last I hopefully, dating disaster story is that basically I had this. I got fed up with the dating apps for a while and I wanted to you know, I wanted to pull the old fashioned I wanted to meet somebody in real life. Like all of my friends who are like, you know, coupled up or married. All their advice was like, Yeah, well, I just went to college and I just found like, I met them at work or like, we just like fallen off and had a real life meet you and I'm like, meet you. Yeah, I know. I'm like, thanks. Thanks so much. So I was like, Okay, I'm basically post pandemic. I came back to the office and I ran into an old co worker who we will be referring to as co worker, as they're who I remember that they were gay and I was like, listen as a Do person it's super annoying to just have to jump through the first hoop of being like, Hi, are you at all potentially able to be attracted to me as I am attracted to you? Great. Do you actually want to like me now? Like, that's the next thing? Right? It was like one of my old you know, work husbands, where we're just like, oh, we always like FLIR in the kitchen. And when like, I ran into him again, I was like, Oh, snap, like, oh, like, hey, it's been a while, like, have you been but we had like our own, like, reignited, like, meet you. And I was like, I'm bored. I have literally nothing to lose. I don't actually like work with this person. It's just somebody that works in my building, you know?

So like, potentially avoidable if shit hits the fan kind of thing? Yes.

Like, basically, it was all like, I feel like we're all mature adults, like we don't actually work together. So it wouldn't be like a conflict of interest. So basically, we are chatting it up. And then I was like, coworker, I said, at first, do you want to go to dinner? And they were like, oh, yeah, I can't tonight, but like, let's go on Friday, or whatever. And I was like, Okay, great. That's awesome. It's a date. That's awesome. That's good. You're like, Yeah, great. Friday comes around. He like, cancels. He's like, I'm so sorry. I forgot I double booked my plans. I was like, okay, that's fine. Like, you suck. You should write things down in your calendar. You're a full fledged adult at this point. But that's fine. I reserve the right, obviously, you're going to be paying for some stuff on this date. And he's like, hot. Yeah. And we reschedule.

Okay, I love that move on your part. That is excellent. I love it.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I always like to re clarify. It was like, because we're going on a date. And he's like, Yeah, okay, great. Yeah. So basically, we did that. And then finally the date comes back around. Also, mind you, I have a lot of people up the office that have been like, trying to ship this coworker and I for a long time. There was a whole group chat made around it, it was a thing. And like, they were all like, Okay, you have to let us know how it goes like, okay, so we finally agree. We're gonna go to this restaurant. It's like kind of like a upscale like chain in LA. Called Granville. I'm not sure if you're familiar. Oh, yeah. That's like, yeah, it's like, not a nice nice restaurant, but it's not like a not nice restaurant. It kind

of feels like a step up. But like, Okay, hopefully this doesn't sound absolutely unhinged. But like, I've just like, oh, yeah, Granville, like, is the logical conclusion to the Cheesecake Factory. You're like, it's a classier Cheesecake Factory vibe.

That's, that's exactly, yes. So I get to the restaurant. And then co worker says, like, Oh, I'm here and I'm like, boy, I do not see.

Boy, I do not see you. Where are you at? I sent you the address. You better not tell me. This is the dreaded? You went to the wrong restaurant? Yeah, he went to the wrong restaurant. So we're off to a bad start. There's

multiple brand bills,

there's multiple, he just went to the one that he thought was closest, so we're off to already like, okay, maybe he's not really reading into things. He's not like reading the message. He shows up. He's like, so sorry. Okay, we're here. We're having a great time. coworker and I are eating our food. We're chatting. We're just talking about life because we only really like talk about work stuff. And we're at work. And then I started like getting this vibe where I was like, Okay, so like, what's your like, type? Usually, like, I just started asking about things. And the way that he was talking, he's like, Yeah, I'm not like really, like interested in like, I'm taking a break from dating right now. And like, I just like, I don't even know if I'll ever actually settle down at all like, honestly, and the way that he was like talking, I was like, Excuse me. Wait, hold on, are you let me ask this, but I really hope. I hope you're Are you aware that we are currently on a date, sir? And he's like, wait, what? And I was like, But you said it multiple times. And I'm like sitting here being like, coworker, there is no possible way that there is a misunderstanding here, sir. Basically, I walked around being like, remember when I said on this day, we meet he said we were going on a date. I thought that was a clue in that we are going on date and he's like you do in retrospect Oh, that does make sense. I did think it was weird that you said date but I was like whatever. Maybe he's just like saying that and I was like I gave you the reason I'm saying these things so that you have have the opportunity to correct me and be like, Oh, that's when you say, that's when you say we're not just hanging out. So I'm sitting here, I'm like, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed

wishing this man out on an iceberg. I can't believe.

I know. So I'm like out here on a limb. He's like, Oh, what? And I'm like, I'm so embarrassed. Sorry. Like, at then I was like, now that you're aware, would you like to consent to actually calling this a date? So I don't feel like I've just wasted my entire time here. You don't have to? To be clear. But like, Would you like now that you understand things he's like, sure. It's also like he should have known the date was great for the rest of the time. We make out we go back to work a see coworker again. I'm all like, Hey, that was so fun. Do you want to like, try doing another thing like going on a another day and the way that he started like, chat, like, he's still like talking to me, but I could just like, I'm a pretty emotionally aware person. I could just be like, you're not acting the same. You're being a little bit distant. And then he's like, yeah, like, let me see. I'm like, kind of busy for the next couple of weeks. So off to see when we can do that again, if we can. And I was like, Okay, great. Then after, like, one day of that, because I'm like, I don't got time for this, because I already can tell that you're not a good communicator.

And extremely disorganised,

I go, coworker what is going on? And then like, basically, I was able to get over music. I was like, Do you not want to go on another date? And he's like, I thought I was clear. We didn't go on a date. And I was like, what? The gaslighting is happening here? Wait, yeah, it was not clear when you were making out with me at the end after I asked you. And he's like, Yeah, I just like felt a little bit pressured to just like, say like, it was a date, because he didn't want to upset you. And then when you asked me to make Oh, I thought it was being clear. So I just like, I just like made out with you. Because like, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. And I was like, sir, that is not a good way to go about things. You're making me feel like I'm a bad person now. And I'm trying to literally give you every opportunity to consent

did nothing wrong. This person's connection to reality, tenuous at best. Like, wow, yeah,

I'm like, I walk away. And the funny thing is, I still see this coworker all the freaking time, and I still hang out with them. But like, I just think it's so funny. I see them all the time, for sure.

So from the co worker saga, what was your takeaway that listeners can perhaps take away?

I think the major takeaway for me is that I don't think it means Oh, dating is evil, or that you shouldn't date coworkers, or that you shouldn't do this. It's just that it's always going to be a compatibility issue. And I think compatibility doesn't just come down to like sexuality comes to how you communicate how you share your emotions, and whether people are available to share their emotions or even clear enough to recognise how you want to define your relationships. And that's how I'm approaching things. So that's why I'm like in the future, I'm like, Yeah, sure. Maybe I'll date another co worker in the future. And I'm still on the app. So as I mentioned before, I actually have a date tonight. So we'll see how that goes. I know, I know, right back, but at least it's like, I'm going on a date. And I know it's a date. And that's helpful. Well, thank

you so much for coming on. Charlie. I totally agree with you. And I think you communicate it every step of the way with your coworker. I feel like that was a very weird, specific thing. Your team Charlie, I'm I mean, I'm thoroughly team Charlie, I don't know who this man is. But I think he needs to practice reading comprehension skills. And listening while he's adding. Where can we find you online? Yes,

you can find me on Instagram. I'm mostly active there at Charlie dot Malcolm, ch, AR LA, Ma, LC o l n. And that's also my website. I happen to do a lot of composing for music. So if you ever want to hear any of the songs based off of my terrible dating experiences, I have several and you can find them at Charlie malcolm.com.

Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thanks so much, Jamie.

Thank you so much, again, to Charlie Malcolm, for coming on the show this week. And thanks to low struck for having me in general, I think that everything Charlie said gave me something to chew on. First of all, you know, crypto is really and truly dead. And sometimes your coworkers really do belong as your friends because you can have friends who are incompetent at dating, but you can't date someone who's incompetent at dating, a lesson that I have refused to learn time and time again. So it is comforting and lovely to speak to someone who has learned the lesson and seems to you know, intend to take action on it really iconic and inspiring behaviour. So thanks again for how Have you this week, you can send an email to lovestruck daily at frolic dot media if you have a love story to share, or you can send along any questions or thoughts, as well as following us over on Instagram or Twitter. As for me, you can find me on those same exact platforms on Twitter at Jamie Loftus help and Instagram at Jamie Christ Superstar. And while you're at it, you can listen to my weekly feminist movie podcast on I Heart Radio called the Bechdel cast, which I co host with Caitlin durante. Or you can listen to my new limited series called Ghost church about psychics in Florida, our researcher on lovestruck daily is Jesse Epstein and our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by Abigail steckler With little Scorpion studios. We are executive produced by frolic media. And this is an I Heart Radio Podcast. Okay. I'm in love with you said I'm with you. I'm in love with you.