2023-09-05 Wise Listening (2 of 5) Listening to What is True

12:59AM Sep 6, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

true

feel

words

listen

listening

praise

people

availability

literal meaning

anxious

movement

hate

insecure

assumption

care

attitude

ease

deep

poem

probing

Good morning, everyone. And welcome to the second talk on wise listening. And it's really a fantastic thing to become a listener to listen well, to listen well to ourselves to listen to well to others. And so I want to read a poem by a Japanese poet named Shin kitschy Takahashi. short poem I don't take your words merely as words, far from it. I listen to what makes you talk, whatever that is. And me, listen. So it's not just listening to what people have to say. Certainly, that's important, especially if they want us to understand. But it's also listening to what makes them speak, what's the motivation? What's the underlying kind of inspiration or movement to speak? Because there's the message of the words. And also there's the message of what's making a person say what they're going to say. Is it a movement to feel more connected to you? Or is it a movement to pull away? To avoid you? Or is it a movement to praise themselves and get affirmation? Or is it a movement to apologize for themselves and to somehow make himself smaller in relationship to you? Is it because they want to get something from you? Or is it because they want to support you and see what they can offer you? Is it? Are they saying what they're saying? So that, in fact, they do feel maybe safer with you or feel more like a sense of friendliness or connection? Or what are they saying what they want to say because they want to be safe, and they're trying to create some safety. So that goes on, list can go on and on. And, but if we are only taking the literal meaning of the words into account, we might actually be missing a huge part of what's really happening in the conversation. And, and so, to go along with the teaching last week, on a right to speech, where the the second criteria for right speeches, is a true, so for wise listening, what's most true here, what's really true, because sometimes the literal meanings of the words so when people speak, it might be true enough, but not really the truth that needs to be expressed. To be really the truth. That is what's happening here for a person. And, you know, if a person is praising you, which might feel nice, and you might get distracted by the niceness of the praise, but if you listen, what's behind the praise, and, and maybe people feel insecure, and they're looking for some way to make themselves safe in, in your presence, because if they praise you, you will relax and not threaten them. So if that's what's true, under the words, that's a powerful and important truth to recognize, and if we care for them, and when we offer them general, genuine care, then we take that into account and, and maybe don't we wait, the praise is not that important. What's important is that we show that them that we're that didn't they have nothing to fear with us? If, if what they want is it trying to manipulate us to get with something that's actually important to see that's actually more true than the words, the words might actually be deceptive. And so if what's true is they're trying to trick us into getting something from us. And then then if we know that, then how do we care for them? Then? Do we simply cut them out and say no or avoid them? But you can also keep asking more deeply? Why? What drives them to want to try to get something from me? Are they afraid? Are they insecure? Are they poor and desperate? What's happening for people, and, and this idea of listening for what's most true in others is a powerful gift we give to people. What is most true for this person here now? Is it. And you know, so this thing going under the words going deeper, what is most true, and my suggestion, and the, the kind of the assumption, that theory that I operate under is that if you could find what is most true in yourself most true and others, you discover beauty, you discover something precious, you still tender, something that it's easy to love or care for, or be generous towards. And even people have the, you know, the worst behavior and horrible words of hate. And if we can listen, if we can be present enough, and behind the hate behind those words, behind the attitude of hate this, they're in good debt, and what is most true at the depths of who they are. And I'm not saying this is universal at all. But what comes to mind right now, is that there, we might find that even though the person is a grown up, we find a scared three year old that somehow never no one ever cared for that fear. And, and that never got resolved. And, and the hate is just an expression of trying to be safe trying to have a Temper, temper tantrum, to get attention or something. And so again, I'm assuming that all hate is this way. But this theory, this assumption that I like to operate under these that if you go deep enough, you find what's most true, you find something beautiful. I'm not going to claim it's always think that that's always the case. But it's very often, if that's the assumption, and we listen for it, that's what gets, then it has a chance to come forward, then it has a chance to be discovered. And what if we don't have that theory, then never be discovered? And, and so, so to listen, what is most true? What's the most the most important thing here? What's the root of all this behavior that we hear and see? And sort of listen to be available to sense. And I love the idea of this kind of listening being a being and availability? It's because we're not, we're not rushing people, we're not probing necessarily to get to the bottom unless they're asking us let's get to, can you help me explore something. But if for just this deep sense of availability, and the lesson of that kind of listening, and availability, is that we can be complete, we can be at ease we can be at home in this world, in that availability, which is available for what's here. We're not anxious about here or greedy of what's here or expecting something or, you know, wanting it to be different. There's something very powerful about just feeling and sensing, oh, this is good. And I saw this with when I was raising young children, that how how significant it was about the attitude the adults around them had. And if the adults who are anxious, we're somehow teaching the kids that the world is in a dangerous place, and you should be anxious. But the parents who, even when things were difficult and challenging, had a sense of being at ease and at at home here that the children are learning this lesson that oh, this world is a place where I can feel at home, I can feel at ease, even when there are challenges. So this idea of listening vailable as if there's nothing else we need to do, and we're just content and happy to be present and available in here. And and be a listener. I think it's medicine for many people to do this. So And to listen for what is most true. And

I believe that, to do that, well, we have to also have done that for ourselves, to listen, to hear to sense what is most true here, but not to do it searching into the future, but more as a riding here and being available. So what's that deep inside of us stops being shy, or feels it's okay to come forth and reveal itself. So, the attitude, creating in ourselves an attitude of welcome availability, to ourselves and to others. So So if these words about listening today are seem interesting for you to experiment with during the day, you might, in the right time, be a little bit wise about the time to do and not automatically do to everywhere you go with all conversations you go. But you might see if you can, what happens to you. If in your mind, you ask yourself the question, what is most true here, under these words behind these words that this person is speaking? What is what is most true? What's making them say what they're saying? And, but don't be probing and don't be a microscope staring at them, but rather be available to sense and feel the available most as if if you're really asking that question and available. Maybe something will be revealed. You don't have to figure it out. So thank you very much. And and I will look forward to tomorrow and thank you