2022-06-16 Wise to Emotions (4 of 5) Emotions as Messengers

7:31AM Jun 17, 2022

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

emotions

deeper

anger

pointing

stronger

helicopters

message

attachments

discover

fear

meditation retreat

messenger

reaction

aversive

freedom

feel

respect

relate

inappropriate

grief

Oh, continuing the discussion about emotions. People have many attitudes towards their emotional life, some people are shy of their emotions are troubled by their emotions. Some people don't pay much attention to them. certain emotions are considered wrong or inappropriate to have or we have an aversive relationship to them, or we're ashamed of having them or, and some were happy to have some were delighted and hold on to this a wide range of ways of relate to it. In their dharma, in practicing with emotions, it's useful to respect all emotions, to all emotions and a sense that all emotions have a place. And that Buddhism Buddhist practice is not meant to negate or squash or push away any emotion. But in that more respect, and openness to experience, the full range of emotions that we have to come to healthy emotions to come to a healthy relationship to emotions, a healthy source for emotions. And one way to relate to emotions for this purpose is to see all emotions, as maybe all, you know, provisionally, at least all emotions, to be a message, all emotions are pointing to something. And so we don't want to kill the messenger. Before we've seen the message we don't even after we see the message. But to think of emotions, as pointing to something that's deeper, some emotions are around arise out of other emotions. Some emotions come together with other emotions. Sometimes we've if they predominant emotion might be grief. But there might be mixed in there. There might be a sense of guilt, there might be some shame, there might be anger. And it's in, in in part of the whole complex of her feeling at a particular time. But maybe we focus mostly in the grief where we feel we might sense the other ones are there. But we feel somehow it's wrong to have those. But they're part of the complex. And maybe they're needed part of the complex, they're all they all point to something. And if we see the all these emotions as being messages, messengers, that are pointing to something, then we can be easier to respect them, and take time to get to know them more. If we take emotion, some emotions like anger, as being anger in and of itself, without being connected to something deeper, then we can have an aversive relationship tank or we can feel shame for having it or upset for about ourselves or something. But if we see anger to be a message, and then we ask what is going on here, what's it pointing to more deeply? And in the broadest terms, the some emotions arise out of attachment, they arise out of something we're holding on to and clinging. And, and so the message might be the pointer is, is to discover what are we attached to hear. And so rather than getting caught up in the anger by itself, and relating only to the anger, if we do that, then we're missing the deeper message, a deeper understanding. But if we look and see the anger is represents something, it's a manifestation of something that deeper, what might that be? So in terms of other emotions, it might be that we're hurt. And that the being hurt is a primary, more primary than the anger which is secondary. And so the anger is pointing we're allowing the anger to point back to the hurt. That might is what might might be what really needs our attention where we want to practice with. That's because it's more primary, that somehow the source that's prompting the anger.

It might be that anger what underlies anger is fear. And so, if we just stay with the anger and blame someone and get angry with someone We won't feel the fear, we all know that recognize that we're afraid as well. And recognizing their fear doesn't make us weak, the anger make us strong. Well, it recognizing the fear can actually give us a lot of strength, if you learn how to be with fear in a useful, productive way, but then we're more connected to what's primary, we're coming home to a deeper way. And now we know what needs to be taken care of, we know better what needs to happen. But both hurt and fear may be related something even deeper, those are kind of messages to, and what's more deeply than what's going on this more deep here. And that's where there might be attachments, and there might not be attachments. If there are attachments clinging, then that's what we want to see in this practice. That is really the heart of moving towards freedom is to see where we're caught. If we're not attached and caught, then below the the fear and the hurt, there might be some something that's really precious something as tender or loving or, or appreciative or grateful about this life, what's going on here, there might be some deeper place of being at home, that may be makes us feel more vulnerable. And rather than avoiding the vulnerability, or the tenderness or the love, the task is the dharma task is discover how to find strength in that, how to find ease with that, have be wise about that. So we can stay in touch with that, as we go through our lives. So whatever the emotion might be, it should be respected. And what respect means is so kind of how I understand that the mythology of the word that the mythology game, is that it's to look again, to inspect again, to respect to take a second look or a third look, and really spend time getting to know this experience, what is this? And then be available to feel or sense? What else is happening here? What is it what might be pointing to what might become becoming out of not so much by to analyze what it is. But this is why mindfulness is so helpful. We're kind of like available to notice what's going on in the cracks of it, what's going on underneath it, if we open up the attention more widely, and look beyond the, the secondary emotion or the thing that's strongest at what it's pointing to, then we might start seeing deeper and deeper sources and processes that are going on. So in this way, we're respectful. And and so what's the message, as I've said, a few times, even the most, you know, even I'll say this differently, even the most difficult, challenging may be painful, maybe even inappropriate, or appropriate or emotions that we might feel. The more strong they are, the stronger they are, the more they represent that there is something important for us to delve into and see what's going on. That probably is some strong attachment, some strong clinging to something. And, and the stronger the reaction, the stronger the despair, the stronger the grief, the stronger the anger, the stronger the whatever it might be, the more it actually is a messenger it's hard to take this idea in sometimes when the strength of our reaction strength of our emotions has a lot to do with the terrible things that are being done to us are happening in the world. And and I don't want to in any kind of way say that we're responsible for our emotions and because, you know, there's terrible things that happen to us. But the stronger the reaction we have, the more they're richer opportunity, more important opportunity there is to see where like, the bigger the reaction the deeper in our psyche in our mind and our hearts is where the attachments might be. And so the stronger the reaction, the more I can. It's a doorway into understanding the depth of what's going on. I've seen this a lot of times on retreats. The classic example on a meditation retreat, is we try to make these safe places for everyone. But occasionally something happens that

you know that is not so safe, not you know what the very thing that we're trying to protect people from happens. I remember once there was a we were We had printing facilities in kind of a university. And there was a fire in a distant building in university. And and there were helicopter firefighting helicopters that came flying over really close to us a lot of noise and maybe some smoke. There was a woman at the treat this many years ago now, who has still had legacy traumatic legacy from growing up with the bombings in Europe during World War Two, and the sounds of the helicopters and the noise, and everything seems so much like what she was familiar with, that that had been so troublesome, she got really frightened. And, but because she was in a meditation retreat, she kept practicing with it. And going deeper and deeper, and discovering where the knot was, where she was still knotted up holding herself in fear and protecting yourself unnecessarily. And it behaved it was able to let go. So on retreat, it's a very special environment to, to kind of, really, the stronger the reactivity, the more points of concern point something really, really deep. Sometimes, and, and sometimes we're seeing the message of is, there's respecting emotions, is where respecting our love, or kindness or compassion, to give it time. And when we connect to that, and use that as a message to what's more deeply, or deeper, maybe we connect that to our freedom, we feel we see, ah, this, this goodwill, I have this compassion I have. It's arising out of freedom. And the freedom is maybe the greatest gift we can give, to connect to that sense of freedom that we've discovered, and to let that be the vehicle for our care of the world. So you might try this to whatever your emotions you have today. If it's safe, it's if it's appropriate, maybe to step away a little bit, be on your own and reflect more deeply. What is this a message of what it is pointing to? If this is a messenger? What's more intimate, deeper, more important here? What can I discover? And maybe all emotions are pointing to something deeper than themselves? So thank you, and continue tomorrow.