Uh, this is the second day of this, September, 2024, two day session. And we'll resume where we left off in bante guna ratanas mindfulness in plain English. So if we recall, he's just kind of listing all the various obstacles this chapter is called problems that might may arise during our Zazen. Problem eight, agitation. Restlessness is often a cover up for some deeper experience. I'll start again. Restlessness is often a cover up for some deeper experience taking place in the unconscious. We humans are great at repressing things. Ain't that the truth. Rather than confronting some unpleasant thought we experience, we try to bury it so we won't have to deal with the issue. Unfortunately, we usually don't succeed, at least not fully. I mean, this, this, this is one of the big revelations with long practice, but especially if one starts doing sacheen, then that's when things start to really bubble up, things that we I am constantly amazed at the things that bubble up, especially in Sachin. Fragments of dreams that I've had from 1520, years ago will start bubbling up. Suddenly appear. So how much more so will things from the unconscious bubble up, things that we've repressed for such a long time. And it's kind of, it's, it's a real surprise, it's a real shock, really, and it really can kind of throw us off initially. But again, it's just, it's returning to attention, just persevering and not being swept away by these, these images or the things that we've repressed. But the gist just allow it to arise and not do anything with it, not react to it. And it takes time. It takes time to to learn that sometimes it can happen with makyo as well. We get thrown off by or we get absorbed into obsessed with a certain makyo, and we're just giving it life. When that happens and it will, it will eventually go away. Of course, it will eventually go away, but the more we feed feed it by paying attention to it, the longer it will persist. You
uh, yeah, sometimes let's, I just want to talk a little more about makyo, just this came up. So, yeah, there's sometimes the wheels are just spinning. And some kind of, you have some kind of image. And this can happen late night, sitting especially, and I just can't break myself free from it, no matter how much attention I put on. So what do I do? I just go to bed. It's the same thing. If one is really exhausted, no matter how much we apply ourselves, there's less. Comes a certain point where you're like, alright, you know what? Just let's get some rest. And so often I don't, it's not a question of regret. So often I'll wake up and I'm no longer exhausted, and of course, the molecule is gone by then,
rather than confronting some unpleasant thought we experience, we try to bury it so we don't have to deal with the issue. Unfortunately, we usually don't succeed, at least not fully. We hide the thought, but the mental energy we use to cover it up sits there and boils the result is that sense of unease that we call agitation or restlessness. There is nothing you can put your finger on, but you don't feel at ease. You can't relax. When this uncomfortable state arises in meditation, just observe it. Don't let it rule you. Don't jump up and. Run off and don't struggle with it and try to make it go away. So there it is again. Don't struggle with it and try to make it go away. Just let it be there and wash it closely. Okay, so this is more of a mindfulness practice that obviously Bonte is talking about here for us. Of course, it's always just just getting back to say that counting of the inhalation and exhalation, just putting your full attention on that, and just let, let it be whatever it is, and it will eventually go away. Then the repressed material will eventually surface, and you'll find out what you have been worrying about, the unpleasant experience that you have been trying to avoid could be almost anything guilt, greed or other problems. It could be low grade pain or subtle sickness or approaching illness. Whatever it is, let it arise and look at it mindfully. If you just sit still and observe your agitation, it will eventually pass. We should say, if you just sit still and return to your practice, it will eventually pass. Sitting through restlessness is a little breakthrough in your meditation career. It will teach you a lot. You will find that agitation is actually rather a superficial mental state. It is inherently ephemeral. It comes in and goes it has no grip on you at all. This can also happen. Agitation can happen quite frequently at the end of a sashing, especially at the end of a set of 70s Sachin, you know, he's just getting kind of all connected to that is frustration, you know, just get kind of in the state of agitated. One thing that happens on day six or seven session can happen is the thoughts just seem to, kind of, it feels like the thoughts are just pouring, pouring in, in and out, you know, and then there's the sense of agitation. We're just kind of freaking out. It's like, what, what have I been doing after all this time? And my mind is like this, but, but really, it's just a sign, it's a sign that you've been doing the work, and your mind is just opening. And the amazing thing about it is, you know you when you apply yourself and not free act freak out, react to this monkey mind, just agitation. Then, just like that, things shift, so long as we maintain the practice. I problem nine, trying too hard. Advanced meditators are generally found to be pretty jovial people. They possess one of the most valuable of all human treasures, a sense of humor. It is not the superficial, witty repartee of the talk show host, it is a real sense of humor. They can last. They can laugh at their own human failures. They can chuckle at personal disasters. So why is that so much of this? I meant to start off by saying so much of these problems that we're bringing out, really, really what, what practice and Saint reveals is you just learn what's in the mind. You see the patterns you it doesn't. It's not overnight, but you really start to introduce to how your mind actually works, what's really going on in there. And you start to notice patterns, mental habits. Oh, there it is again, kind of thing. And by seeing that, by noticing it, then that's when we really start to to, yeah, it's, it's, we really start to know how the mind works. That's, that's the only way I can put it, and we just take it less seriously. We take ourselves less seriously as a result, by just noticing, there it is again. It's one of the things that's so gratifying about being in a Sangha and being having a repentance ceremony, for instance, because then we hear the the other things that our Dharma siblings are struggling with, and they pretty much come down to The same kind of things that we struggle with such a, it's such a, it's such a humbling experience to be in a in a repentance. I mean, it's such a humbling experience to do sacheen, and then to start seeing and looking into the mind and seeing all the crazy, crazy, nutty, delusional things that go on. In the mind.
Beginners in meditation are often much too serious for their own good. It is important to learn to loosen up in your session. To relax in your meditation. You need to learn to watch objectively whatever happens. You can't do that if you are tensed and tensed and striving, taking it also very, very seriously. New meditators are often overly eager for results. There it is again, the expectations, the expectations just get in the way. There are full of enormous, enormous and inflated expectations. They jump right in and expect incredible results in no time flat, they push, they tense, they sweat and strain, and it is also terribly, terribly grim and solemn. This state of tension is the antithesis of practice. Naturally, they achieve little. Then they decide that this meditation is not so exciting. After all, it did not give them what they wanted. They chuck it aside. It should be pointed out that you learn about meditation only by meditating. You learn what meditation is all about and where it leads only through direct experience of the thing itself. Therefore, the beginner does not know where she is headed because she has developed little sense of where her practice is leading. The novices expectation is naturally unrealistic and uninformed. Newcomers to meditation expect all the wrong things, and those expectations do no good at all. They get in the way. Trying too hard leads to rigidity and unhappiness to guilt and self condemnation. When you are trying too hard, your effort becomes mechanical, and that defeats practice before you even get started, you
you're well advised to drop all that, drop your expectations and straining simply meditate with a steady and balanced effort. A steady and balanced effort.
Enjoy your meditation, and don't load yourselves down with sweat and struggles. Just be mindful the meditation itself will take care of the future you
problem 10, discouragement. The upshot of pushing too hard is frustration. You are in a state of tension. You get nowhere. You realize that you are not making the progress you expected. So you get discouraged, you you feel like a failure. It is all a very natural cycle, but a totally avoidable one. Striving after unrealistic expectations is the source. Nevertheless, it is a common enough syndrome, and in spite of all the best advice, you may find it happening to you, there is a solution. If you find yourself discouraged, just observe your state of mind. Clearly. Don't add anything to it. Just watch it. A sense of failure is only another ephemeral emotional reaction. If you get involved, it feeds on your energy and it grows if you simply stand aside and watch it. It passes away.
It just reminds me of the the suffering on top of suffering. You know, we get the Scourge and then we beat ourselves up. I
That's why it's so heartening to hear the next lines from Gunnar. Here, there is no such thing as failure. In meditation, there are setbacks and difficulties. That's it, setbacks and difficulties. Bodhidharma, nine steps forward, eight steps back, such as life. I have a tendency to confuse numbers. I'm terrible with numbers. I can never retain them. There are a couple of times I've caught myself saying eight steps forward, nine steps back, such as life. If that were the case. We're all screwed. But that's not it. It is nine sets forward, eight sets back. That's the meditation. That's the up and down, up and down, up and down. That happens. And as time goes on, the steps become lighter. You know, they're just you're not so, yeah, it's just this. You're not taking it so seriously anymore. And you're not taking it so seriously because you seeing into the mind. You've looked at your mind. You're learning more and more. It really is unlearning. You know, Roshi is fond, is saying that word is, what we're doing is unlearning through our practice. We're unlearning by noticing what's going on in the mind, and by noticing it by so there's that recording again, that old track recording that's happening again, whatever it is, I'm worthless, or I can't do this, or I'm better than everybody else, or I'm doing really good. Those. These are all just thoughts, all thoughts, and we cling to them, and we get emotionally involved in them and and it's doing us no good, but by seeing this over and over again, then we start to Get a distance from it, because it's just another thought. It's just another redundant, repetitive thought over and over and over again, and by seeing it, by experiencing it, by getting beyond it, by just fully dedicating yourself to the practice. Then eventually it goes away and it does. You know, these patterns just they stop, certain redundant patterns stop and, well, here's just a small, small example. You know, I wasn't even aware of this, but there were times in Sachin that I was just analyzing movies for, I don't know how long, you know, and it was only after one particular sashin When I realized that that that pretty much went away, still pops up within a while, but I know better now. I just again, just returning my attention to it, to the practice, and I'm just not bogged down the way I used to with that anymore. The same thing with anger. We sometimes and we might not know why we feel anger. We just get angry. It can happen, especially at the end of seshin. That's a pattern that I detected coming up. And as soon, there it is again, okay, back to mu. And eventually that just stop. A parent pattern went away, and then what happens when we're recovering more another kind of pattern comes up. It's just, it's, it really is an endless, endless process. This is a lifetime practice. It's never ending, never ending. Once we see our practice that way, once we see that this is, yes, I'm committed to doing this for however long, well, for the rest of my life. No, it's uh, then it just becomes, it just becomes, I don't know, it just becomes lighter, a lighter approach to practice. You know, when we're not slacking off, not not kind of like giving ourselves a break and stop sitting for a while. That's not what I'm talking about, but just the practice becomes lighter and easier. It gets better. You
There is no such thing as failure in meditation. There are setbacks and difficulties, but there is no failure unless you give up entirely, even if you have spent 20 solid years getting nowhere. That's not true, that that's that's impossible, even if you have spent 20 solid years getting nowhere, you can be attentive at any second you choose. It is your decision. Regretting is only one more way of being unmindful. The instant that you realize that you have been unmindful, that realization itself is an act of mindfulness. So continue the. Process, don't get sidetracked by an emotional reaction.
Problem 11, resistance to meditation. There are times when you don't feel like meditating, the very idea seems obnoxious. Missing a single practice session is scarcely important, but it is very easily. It can very easily become a habit. It is wiser to push on through the resistant. Go, sit anyway. Here's a habit pattern that occurs for me is Mondays. So we're done with teshuo or talk Sunday morning sitting. We have Sunday afternoon off. Monday comes inevitably, I'd say 50 to 75% of the time, the thought comes up, the resistance comes up, I don't want to go sit Monday night, you know. And but 100% of the time, when I do go sit, I never regret it.
Observe this feeling of aversion. In most cases, it is passing. It is a passing emotion, a flash in the pan that will evaporate right in front of your eyes five minutes after you sit down. Oh, there it is. The Resistance just it does, inevitably, as soon as you sit and you start sitting, for the most part, the resistance just dissipates.
In other cases is it is due to some sour mood that day and it lasts longer still, it does pass, and it is better to get rid of it in 20 or 30 minutes of meditation than to carry it around with you and let it ruin the rest of your day. At other times, resistance may be due to some difficulty you are having with the practice itself. Let me just say, here's another say that I'm very fond of this I got from my personal trainer when I was actually working out a couple years ago. And you know, just the resistance of going to work out. And this trainer, I can't remember his name, but he told me, half the battle is tying your shoelaces. Half the battle is getting on the mat.
At other times, resistance may be due to some difficulty you are having with the practice itself. You may or may not know what that difficulty is. If the problem is unknown, then you are going to have to tough it out, just sit through the resistance and observe it mindfully. It will pass, then the problem causing it will probably bubble up in its wake, and you can deal with that.
Okay, so that's it. With problems, then he has a couple of chapters. Yeah, dealing with distractions. There's dealing with distractions one that's one chapter, and dealing with distractions too. Well. We're going to skip right to dealing with distractions too. And
and this one of all the problems that we've listed in the past day and a half year. This might be the most pernicious, clever, deceiving one conceptualization I
so early on in our practice of meditation, we need to rethink our underlying assumptions regarding conceptualization. For most of us, we have earned high marks in school and in life for our ability to manipulate mental phenomena or concepts logically, our careers, much our careers, much of our success in everyday life, our happy relationships, we view as largely the result of our Successful manipulation of concepts in developing practice. However, we temporarily suspend the conceptualization process and focus on the pure nature of mental phenomena during meditation, we are seeking to experience the mind at the preconceived level you.
But the human mind conceptualizes such occurrences as pain. You find yourself thinking of that. You find yourself thinking of it as, quote, the pain. That is a concept. It is a label, something added to the sensation itself. You find yourself building a mental image, a picture of the pain, seeing it as a shape. You may see a diagram of the leg with the pain outlined in some lovely color. This is very creative and terribly entertaining, but not what we want. Those are concepts tacked on to the living reality. Most likely, you will probably find yourself thinking, I have a pain in my leg. I, the letter I, I quote is a concept. It it is something extra added to the pure experience. This is, we're all bedeviled with this. To be human is to be deviled with this. This, this, I this, this sense of self and other ego. I
There's just the pain. There's just the pain. Not I'm in pain. Why am I in pain? Just the sensation that's all there is. And the way not to be consumed by the pain is you getting I out of the way. We need to get out of the way.
When you introduce i into the process, you are building a conceptual gap between the reality and the awareness viewing that reality thoughts such as me, my or mine, have no place in direct awareness. They are action, action, extraneous. Excuse me, they are extraneous addenda and insidious ones at that. When you bring quote me into the picture, you are identifying with the pain that simply adds emphasis to it. If you leave I out of the operation, pain is not painful. It is just a pure surging energy flow. It can even be beautiful. The general idea, however, is almost too simple. You want to really see each sensation, whether whether it is pain, bliss or boredom. You want to experience that thing fully in its natural and unadultered form. Unadulterated form. I'll say this again. I'll read this first paragraph again. The general idea, however, is almost too simple. You want to really see each sensation, whether it is pain, bliss or porenum. You want to really see each sensation, whether it is pain, bliss or boredom. You want to experience that thing fully in its natural and unadulterated form. The human mind seeks to conceptualize phenomena, and it has developed a host of clever ways to do so. Every simple sensation will trigger a burst of conceptual thinking if you give the mind its way. That's what's so brilliant about a con or counting the inhalations and exhalations. It's kind of the same thing. It's a tool. It's a tool to not be dragged away, get away from the conceptual thinking and not allowing the mind to have its way. If we just devote ourselves to it, vote yourself to mu, devote yourself to what is it? Let us take hearing. For example, you're sitting in meditation, and somebody in the next room drops a dish. The sounds strike your ear instantly. You see a picture of that other room. You probably see a person dropping a dish too. If this is a familiar environment, say your own home, you probably will have a 3d Technicolor mind movie of who did the dropping and which dish was dropped. This whole sequence presents itself to consciousness instantly. It just jumps out. Of the unconscious so bright and clear and compelling that it shoves everything else out of sight. What happens to the original sensation, the pure experience of hearing, it gets lost in the shuffle, completely overwhelmed and forgotten. We miss reality, we enter a world of fantasy. Here's another example. You're sitting in meditation, and a sound strikes your ear. It is just an indistinct noise, sort of muffled crunch. It could be anything. What happens next will probably be something like this. What was that? Who did that? Where did that come from? And, you know, we're just off and running. Instead of just purely experiencing, say, the sound of the crow, we should start thinking about the crow, and was it to my right or to my left? Etc, etc, and on and on you go, getting no answers, but your fantasy projection, conceptualization is an insidiously clever process. It creeps into your experience, and it simply takes over when you hear a sound in meditation, pay bare attention to the experience of hearing that and that only so for us, it's put complete attention on say, moo.
What is really happening is so utterly simple that we can, we can and do miss it altogether. Sound waves are striking the ear in a certain unique pattern. Those waves are being translated into electrical impulses within the brain, and those impulses present a sound pattern to consciousness. That is all, no pictures, no mind movies, no concepts, no interior dialogs about the question, just noise. Reality is elegantly simple and unadorned. I
mean the way it describes, at least my reaction, is it does seem like we don't have a chance to actually experience the sound just as it is, but we do. But it again, it's just this muscle of attention, just we just keep working that muscle of attention. And the thoughts will still be there, but they're lighter. And then eventually we as we just progress in this practice, as we just keep sitting day after day, month after month, year after year, then we do start to to experience sound just that.
Everything else is just added chatter, drop it. The same rules. The same rule applies to every sensation, every emotion, every experience you may have. Dig down to the layers of mental BRIC a BRAC and see what is really there, you will be amazed how simple it is and how beautiful you
there will be times when you drift off. Of course, even after long practice, you find yourself suddenly waking up realizing you have been off the track for some while. Don't get discouraged. So this is, I mean, this is the thing you know, especially the early years of practice, is, you know, we're just so we can be just so lost in thought for such a long period of time, and then, oh my god, I can't believe I've been, you know, I've been out of it for, I don't know how long, and you don't have to figure out how long that's that's not the point. As soon as you notice, soon as you notice, you just bring back your attention, you know. And but we are bedeviled. We can really, really be bogged down with this sense of of worthlessness, and we get discouraged. But just let those thoughts of discouragement be just, just return it, you know, and don't get emotionally involved with them. That's, that's the mistake I made for for probably way too long, you know.
Don't get discouraged. Realize that you have been off the track for such an okay, yeah, he's talks about, you know, thinking about how long, the length of time that you were you got off track. But we don't do that in Zen. It's so simple with our practice, you know, it's just returning our attention to Moo, returning our attention to what isn't, to the counting, you know, and not getting involved with the thoughts how long it was that we were distracted, not beating ourselves up. Just just return it. There is no need for any negative reaction at all. The very act of realizing that you have been off the track is an act of awareness, yes, yes. The very act of realizing that you have been off the track is an act of awareness. It is an exercise of pure mindfulness, all by itself, or a pure attention. It's the noticing when you get off track, that's the key. Soon as you notice then get back. Zazen grows by the exercise of zazen, or I can say Attention grows by the exercise of attention. It is like exercising a muscle. Every time you work it, you pump it up just a little. You make it a little long stronger. The very fact that you have felt that wake up sensation, it's a noticing, the very fact that you have felt that noticing means that you have just improved your attentiveness. That means you win. Move back to the breathing without regret. However, the regret is a conditioned reflex, and it may come along anyway, another mental habit. If you find yourself getting frustrated, feeling discouraged or condemning yourself, just observe that with bare attention. Well, for us, it's just getting back to it, getting back to the attention on the practice, even though you're feeling discouraged or condemning yourself. Just you just notice it, just but just get right back to it. It's just another distraction. Give it some attention and watch it fade away. And then return to the breath. The rules we have just reviewed can and should be applied thoroughly to all of your mental states, you are going to find this in utterly ruthless injunction. It is the toughest job that you will ever undertake. You will find yourself relatively willing to apply this technique to certain parts of your experience, and you will find yourself totally unwilling to use it on the other parts. Meditation is a bit like mental acid. It eats away slowly at whatever you put it on. We humans are very odd beings. We like the taste of certain poisons, and we stubbornly continue to eat them, even while they are killing us, thoughts to which we are attached or poisoned. You will find yourself quite eager to dig some thoughts out by the root, while you jealously guard and cherish certain others. That is the human condition.
Zen meditation is not a game. Clear awareness is more than a pleasurable pastime. It is a road up and out of the quagmire in which we are all stuck, the swamp of our own desires and aversions. It is relatively easy to apply awareness to the master aspects of your existence once you have seen fear and depression evaporate under the hot, intense beacon of awareness, you will want to repeat that process. Those are the unpleasant mental states. They hurt you want to get rid of those things because they bother you. It is a good deal harder to apply that same process to mental states that you cherish, like patriotism or parental protectiveness, protectiveness or True Love.
But just remember early on in practice, you know, I just talked a couple times about, sometimes I have a tendency to get a little overexcited, and so when I went back to my hometown of Montreal, where I grew up, I remember, I'm sure I sat that morning and I was just in the city, and I just started getting kind of, the wheel started turning. I was just getting so excited to be back into my old stomping ground. And then all of a sudden, whoa, okay, calm down. Like, alright, you're here. Be present. Don't like, just start you. Flying off. And it's kind of, yeah, it's, it's just, it's the, you know, the you know, Bonte here talks about how it's easier to be flown away, it's easier to deal with the unpleasant mental states. But I don't know. I mean, it is kind of trickier when we're in, when we're when we're doing, when we're doing good zazen, and we get into this, really, you know, kind of a blissful state that's one's trickier to to get out of. You know, we want to stay there. We want to just kind of drop the practice and just relish it. But you know, so many of the masters of old, they they warn their they warn us of that. They warn us of not getting stuck in some kind of blissful cave of Samadhi, but to just press on because you're not there yet,
it is a good deal harder to apply that same process to mental states that you cherish, like patriotism, parental practices or true love. But is this just as necessary? Positive attachments hold you in the mud just as assuredly as negative attachments. You may arise, you may rise above the mud far enough to breathe a bit more easily if you practice Zen meditation with diligence. Zen meditation is a road to enlightenment, and from the reports of those who have toiled their way to that lofty goal, it is well worth every effort involved.
All right, I'm almost done. We're going to finish with the story I just came across couple days ago. So the story is from this book. Throw yourself into the house of Buddha. And this is the life and teachings of Tangen Harada Roshi. And this is one of the stories you recounts. And this is related to what we we were just discussing about this, this conceptualizing, bifurcating, just ruthless mind that we have truly known. Okay, so Tongan starts here, truly no knowledge is required for you to attain enlightenment. We have a very good example of this in the sutras with one of Shakyamuni Buddha's own disciples, named shurihan Doku. He couldn't remember the sutras, much less understand their meaning. He would listen to a Dharma talk, but it would go in one ear and out the other. He was even said to be so dull that he couldn't remember his own Dharma name. Srihandoku was always scolded by his older brother. Was also a monk for being such an idiot and not being able to get anything right. And he left down he and he felt downhearted. The Buddha came upon shurihan Doku one day when Shirley Han Doku was crying, the Buddha asked, What happened to you? Of course, the Buddha didn't really have to ask that question. The state of a practitioner's mind is obvious to the teacher in the way this person walks, sits and make prostrations. And shiryu Han Doku, state of mind was obvious from his scattered appearance, shiryhan Doku answered, I can't understand any instructions. I'm never peaceful, and my practice just doesn't get anywhere. Things just aren't going right. I can't practice. I can't attain liberation. That's really what I am crying about and then tangan Roshi goes on when your stomach is really aching for food. How one warm, steaming rice ball set before you can make you feel that's how it must have been. Then, when srihandoku suddenly felt himself in the Buddhist embrace, srihandoku entrusted his entire being to Shakyamuni Buddha. He became like a clean, clear, white sheet of paper so that he could entirely accept the Buddha's instructions, and that acceptance was revealed so clearly in his practice. The Buddha taught him to remember just two words, sweep, clean, take a broom and work it with it, steadily, continuously sweep. Look right at your feet and sweep the dust, stroke by stroke. Devote yourself to this one task only, this one stroke. Don't look off. Don't look away for. What you are doing, and don't try to do more. Just devote yourself to the sweeping to this one stroke. Just sweep, sweep, clean. And that's just what shuriyan Doku did inside and out, repeating, continuously, steady, steadily, wherever he stepped, wherever he went, there was just this broom. One stroke, one stroke. Shiryan Doku swept all of the grounds around Shakyamuni Buddha's gathering place, and he swept around the gate and then outside the gate. And not little, swish, swish, swishes, but strong, decisive, swoosh, swoosh, swooshes. From the beginning, Shireen Doku gave his small judging, judging mind into Shakyamuni Buddha keeping he didn't all hold on to any baggage, just this stroke unbroken, this one doing, he was able to hear the Buddhist message and practice it faithfully. And one day, while sweeping, he was able to awaken to his original nature. So here was someone who could hardly remember his own name, but his name has come down to us. A real practitioner has to become, in a sense, like shirian Doku, you have to become a fool. The only thing demanded of you is your noble urgency. Dogen Zenji said that one has to practice with the urgency of someone whose head is on fire and who is trying to put it out. This is real urgency. Even if you want to forget about the necessity to wake up, you just can't forget it's always with you. You know that there is no excuse not to do it, not to wake up. This is what I call noble urgency. When this attitude slowly wells up in you, your step is sure, your eyes shine bright. Life looks different when you are when your aim to reach enlightenment is steady and urgent, you are throwing down yourself little selfish attitude and desires in front of this one great matter, you are leaving your discriminating intellect behind and like a fool, pouring everything into this one step. We know that it worked for Shuya and Doku, and it will work for you, if you will give it your all. So
