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Brené Brown on Empathy - Doug Wilson | Otter.ai

Brené Brown on Empathy - Doug Wilson

Edwin Rutsch8min

Unknown Speaker

00:02

Hey, we're gonna be reacting to a video by Brene Brown on sympathy and empathy nice music good info

Speaker 1

00:25

and why is it very different than sympathy? Empathy, fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection

Speaker 2

00:35

and why on earth would we take a word sympathy that has been used positively for 1000s of years? We have high priest who can sympathize with us and our weakness. Hebrews tells us this. For millennia, sympathy has been a good thing true sympathy has been a good thing. False sympathy, of course, not so much. But true sympathy has been a good thing. Empathy is a newfangled word, just developed in the last century or so I think. And all of a sudden, it's going to be the good, good guy over against the bad guy sympathy, something fishy. is going on.

Speaker 1

01:11

Empathy is very interesting. Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions, very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy, perceptive take

Speaker 2

01:24

four qualities or four things. perspective taking, perspective taking, which means that you step into the shoes of the other person, you are with them entirely. You share with them, you are their completely. You take their perspective, you look out at the world through their eyes, which means of course that the person you're empathizing with is in trouble, at least partially of his own making. You will be unable to help him because you have engaged in perspective taking.

Speaker 1

01:58

You can take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspectives and their truth.

Speaker 2

02:03

Note that deadly phrase there's poison in that phrase, their truth about the truth. What is the truth? What is the truth that over arches, these two preachers, this this bear in this box, what what is not truth, not their truth? So when you take when you engage in perspective taking, you are abandoning objectivity,

Unknown Speaker

02:28

out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy it isn't just

Speaker 2

02:32

staying out of judgment. In other words, there is absolutely no room for evaluating how this situation developed. How many times have we dealt with someone going through troubles and they're going through troubles of their own making, they're going through troubles of their own devising You of course you don't want to show up like Job's friends and blame him for you know, for you don't want to vocalize everything that you think but if you stay on their judgment, if you take their perspective, and recognize their truth, and you stay out of judgment, that means that just like the person who's suffering, you might not know what's going on either.

Unknown Speaker

03:13

Recognizing emotion in other people and then communicating that

Speaker 2

03:17

recognizing emotion, and other people, which of course, sympathy does as well. And then communicating that you recognize that emotion which of course sympathy does as well as sympathy does not do is completely identify with the person who's suffering. It's the difference between someone drowning in a river and you keep one foot in the bank and you extend your arm to them because you've got a foot on the bank. That's not an unfair advantage. It means you're in a position to help. Empathy the way we've defined it their truth perspective taking no judgment. That means you have to take a head or in the river with them. And start drowning along side them.

Unknown Speaker

03:56

Empathy is filled with people

Speaker 2

04:01

that predicts SIM in sympathy means with sympathy is feeling with people. Empathy is according to Brene Browns definition, empathy is complete identification. You're you're all in there's no there's nothing that you hold back. There's no reserve that it's their truth. You've taken their perspective. You don't judge anything. You're in it with them completely and totally and that is disastrous.

Speaker 1

04:31

And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space,

Unknown Speaker

04:35

sacred space. Now, we're demonizing this.

Speaker 1

04:38

When someone's kind of in a deep hole, and they shout out from the bottom and they say, I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed. And then we look and we say, hey, down. I know that's like down here.

Speaker 2

04:52

Do you really, in just a moment, we're going to be introduced to a dear character, who says also all kinds of stupid, thoughtless, clunky things, but this could be made into a clunky thing. I know what it's like down here. Suppose you don't know what it's like. Suppose they just lost a child and you've never lost a child. Suppose something disastrous is just happened to them? Do you really want to walk into someone's dark space and say, I know what it's like down here. Suppose you don't. Maybe it would be necessary to be sympathetic.

Speaker 1

05:24

And you're not alone. Sympathy is, oh, it's bad. Uh huh. No, your sandwich.

Speaker 2

05:38

This is what you might call reputation. Through funny voices or reputation through making your character say ludicrous things. It's a it's a variation of the straw man fallacy. This is straw deer. This is a decoy idea. This is a position that is easily refuted. One sandwich

Speaker 1

06:01

is a choice as a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.

Speaker 2

06:10

Yeah, but suppose you don't know that feeling. You might be saying I know what it's like down here when you might not know what it's like down here. What are you supposed to do when you are loving people who are going through a worst time that you've ever had?

Speaker 1

06:24

rarely ever, because an empathic Response began with athletes.

Unknown Speaker

06:31

At least I know what it's like that here.

Speaker 1

06:33

I had it. Yeah. And we do it all the time. Because you know what? Someone who shared something with us. It's incredibly painful. And we're trying to filter line yet. I don't think that's a burden. But I'm using it as one. We're trying to put this a little running around it so I had a miscarriage. At least you know, you can department. I think my marriage is falling apart. At least you have a marriage John's getting kicked out of school, at least Sarah with an ace students. But one of the things

Speaker 2

07:07

you have a bear down this hole that knows what it's like. But one of the things we

Speaker 1

07:11

do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations. If we try to make things better. If I share something with you, it's very difficult either you say I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just so glad you told me because the truth is rarely can a response, make something better? What makes something better is connection.

Speaker 2

07:36

And for the last 2000 years, there have been people sympathizing with other people and doing it with honesty and integrity, who the person who was comforted comes back later and says you know when you were with me during that dark time, I don't even remember what you said. I just remembered that you were there with me. And that's this is true enough. But why on earth do you have to make sympathy into a bad thing?

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