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2023-09-04 Life and Teachings of Tangen Harada Roshi 3 | Otter.ai

2023-09-04 Life and Teachings of Tangen Harada Roshi 3

John Pulleyn44min

Richard von Sturmer

00:05

The talk you're about to hear is by Roshi Amala Wrightson, teacher at the Auckland Zen Center.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

00:27

Today is the third day of our spring seven day sesshin, the fourth of September 2023. And we're going to continue reading from and commenting on, "Throw Yourself into the House of the Buddha: The life and Zen Teachings of Tangen Harada Roshi" translated by Belinda Attaway Yamakawa and edited by Kogan Czarnik. And we'll, we'll take up right about where we left off.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

01:04

Tangen has been just describing the kind of rigorous vigorous training that he underwent under Daiun Sogaku Roshi. And he, he says, because of this structure in this, the force of the of the training, he says, it was easy to be zealous. At night, after the last round of zazen, I would go to the graveyard or to the forest or mountain and do Mu. In wintertime, if I would grow sleepy during yaza, I would break a hole in the ice of the pond and jump in, then go back - continuing my sitting. I made efforts in a way that I would not want anyone to try to imitate.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

01:55

I hear everybody gasping here - diving into, dipping into the cold water. This has actually been shown to be very beneficial in many different ways this cold water. But he says, and we should really take take note of this, he said I made efforts in a way that I would not want anyone to try to imitate.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

02:17

This sort of these sorts of efforts, this sort of total commitment to the practice has to come from the inside. And if we if we just try and try and imitate the form, then it can be actually very unhealthy.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

02:43

When I was in training and in Rochester, I had a Dharma Heir brother who had a little opening to move and breaking the rules told me about what had happened, how he the sesshin where he had been passed on Mu by Roshi Kapleau. And he recounted that he had decided at the beginning to not sleep until he had he had resolved his question. And I foolishly copied him and did a session where I didn't really, except for involuntarily I didn't sleep. And it didn't do anything really beneficial except make me exhausted. I was imitating rather than having this come out of a place of need at that time.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

03:50

That is not to say that it was easy for me. I struggled mightily, but I start with the practice, the one single way of practice. I made no excuses for myself. I did not allow myself to I did not allow my practice to fade from feelings of discouragement. This is we might think that if we feeling discouraged, then that's that's, that's the practices is kaput, but we can have these powerful feelings of discouragement and and keep going not not act on on what they're telling us that we're that we're hopeless that we're we're we're not cut out for this and so forth. There were rough rough times even times when I thought I was going, not going to live through it. There were times when I could no longer breathe times when all went dark before my eyes. times when I thought I was going to pass out. It I wore myself out until I was exhausted, I was exhausted. I thought I would die from yielding effort. It was that rough like that trying, but I refuse to look away. I did not involve myself with anything else only followed my teachers instructions. I have to mention as a caution, that giving my all to this practice I went overboard and ruined my health. That was not good. So Dianne Roshi told me to leave her Shinji until I would recovered. While I was ill, I was blessed to meet and develop an acquaintance with 10 shoe Nakano, an older monk and student of Dion Roshi, who took me under his wing and cared for me at his temple. This monk skillfully led me to become a monk myself. So when I got better, I returned to her Shinji, and was ordained as a monk by die on Roshi. On November 8 1949, so about two years after he first met with him and started training under him. My guess is he probably also learned how to work more skillfully with himself under the care of this monk, this, the seasoned practitioner

Sensei Amala Wrightson

06:28

it's, it's, there are stories of different practitioners in ancient times, who got sick from practicing in an unhelpful or unskillful manner. The one probably most near to us causes Hakuin, Master Hakuin, who, who contracted what was known as Zen sickness, and had to pause his practice and, and work with this healer, who, who taught him these powerful practices for getting the energy down in the hair out of the head and the shoulders, the neck. It's not clear whether this was an actual person or whether it was a fictional character that master Hakuin invented in order to dramatize his teaching on this kind of same cure involved. One of the things these didn't evolve was visualizing a lump of sweet butter on the top of one's head and then imagining this, this butter melting and passing it down through across the body. These in sicknesses often seem to involve in balance of energies that have to be rebalanced in some way. So, there is this danger in in the these extreme types of of practice, but at some point, if one does go too far in one direction or another, then there has to be a correction has to be a course correction of rebalancing and it sounds like this is what Tangut had to do had to leave the practice for a time and restore his health and then then take it up again.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

08:48

Next chapter is is headed realisation. I continue to give myself to the practice more and more. Dianne Roshi was very strict with me. It was taking me a long time. He continued pushing, refusing to recognize my experience, any experience that was not thoroughgoing? No doubt Diane Roshi did this because he could see that what Tongan was was capable of that he could take the pressure and and would stick with the with the practice, not settling for any kind of half baked experience. I made my final resolution to break through this time I would break through during the next session, I will die. I was really serious about it. I knew it came down to this last machine. Practicing with all my mind during that session, the days were passing in life or death practice. It must have been the seventh day of session. I can never forget that morning as I continue to say It unaware that the dog sound Bell had been sounded. I was sitting absorbed in the Samadhi of one doing unaware of my surroundings. The tanto at that time was very sharp. Tanto is one of the kind of officers of the monastery he, he's a senior monk in charge of the novice training program. So the tanto saw him sitting there in the Zendo and approached him dying and relates, he must have moved through the Zendo toward me very quietly, the Zendo was practically empty. I later realized as everyone had run to dog sun, the tanto tapped my shoulder very gently, just a light touch, but a touch with a vast resonance, my mind opened, even a gentle touch of encouragement can be received can resonate unutterably as it did for me that morning. And I'm sure people many people who read Zen stories will will recognize that this this what is the tipping point or the catalysts can be anything from from light touch to peach blossoms or one case that bubbles in amongst urine who is paying in the snow for the Buddha, it was the it was the morning star Venus shining and in the in the dawn sky. It's not so much the cause but the trigger or the opening

Sensei Amala Wrightson

11:55

I flew to dog San boldly and surely, just naturally differently from any other time before. I've until then, if I went to dog sun, and tried not to say anything, Roshi would immediately ring his bell. But this time I just glided in, and die and Roshi breathed in deeply swallowing me up. He stared into my eyes fiercely. For the first time a half smile appeared on his face. That time, I didn't have to hear a bell ringing. Instead, my teacher said let's check you. My responses was spontaneous uncontrived. That was when he verified my understanding. At last moderate understanding, he said at last. I was so fortunate to be able to practice under a teacher so to trick script so strict, and so exacting a teacher who had himself proudly done the practice of Shakyamuni Buddha, and profoundly experienced the teaching of the Buddha. That night, I did not go to evening Dark Sun. I was in the temple office as I had a duty there. I was so filled with pure happiness that I couldn't sleep. But I might have been dozing off and on in a state of wakeful sleep. I didn't know if I was dreaming or not when my own mother who may have never seen came to me. From behind, she wrapped her arms around me and took my hands and hers. Together, we rose into the sky. flying through the sky, I could feel the cold air on my cheeks. My mother was like an angel. As we flew, she communicated this to me, though not in words, but through her life. I'm very glad. I'm so glad if I had not been ripened and mature in my practice at the end of that session, so that the Roshi would verify my understanding and confirm that I had broken through to his satisfaction, I would not have been alive that night. I had made the final determination. I believe that to my mother. The most important thing was not that I had had Satori, but that I had not lost my life. I believe she was expressing her deep wish that I would be protected. I'm very glad. I'm so glad a mother's mind is universal. After that sushi in my world was transformed. All stingy grasping fell away. All distinctions melted away. I continued to practice as di and Roshi instructed me. But now even if I wanted to look away, I could no longer do so. I just continued my practice. I knew true peace. I knew that all as well. There is no inside now. outside, all as one, one all encompassing one, this truth that I was able to accept and receive holds true, remain steady anytime, anywhere, wherever I work on on this wide, wide planet, this truth is universal. Whenever you wherever you find yourself there is only this one truth. This is this is the hallmark of deep awakening that it's not dependent on conditions, but is with one wherever one goes where everyone walks. This truth is universal. Wherever you find yourself there is only this one truth. We can, we can of course have tip of the tongue tastes of those glimpses of it. And they can be life changing as well. But then they become more like a memory or they're rather than a state that want to lose out of. And this is why Diane Roshi was so strict in in having Tongan keep delving, keep questioning even though he had had these, these other experiences

Sensei Amala Wrightson

16:28

now I've told you the story of my experiences in practice, but there is a danger here. The danger is that you might get the discouraging idea that my story and experience and experience were too dramatic and special, and that you yourself could never hope to experience anything like it. This is not true. I just did the one and only thing I was told to do, I did it to the best of my ability. You cannot do what you cannot do. But you can do this one thing to your utmost. Regardless of what I did in my practice, the key remains the same for everyone. complete sincerity

Sensei Amala Wrightson

17:17

you must give your all holding on to nothing you must cut become your practice. So from my own experience, I can say to you, if you set out to do it, it will be done. If you don't, it won't be done. When something isn't done it is because you haven't didn't resolve to do it this this reply applies to whatever our practices whether we're doing the breath or shikantaza or koan, they all demand nothing less than everything from us everything that we can give in this moment and then the next and the next even though the the nature of the practice can be quite different I mean shikantaza Is is different from Colin work and Colin work is different from breath work. But this this whatever we're doing, we must endeavor to do our best somebody was asking me about how to apply the story to to shikantaza because it rather than narrowing down the focus to this laser like attention and shikantaza one opens up one lets everything in so to speak. And the can be great intensity to this. I was telling that person about something that Yasutani Roshi said about shikantaza then managed to track that down.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

19:41

Is this is being said in the context of a context of every time we do this as in it being a matter of life and death. Life and both of us have our spirits you could say Yasutani Roshi She used to describe shikantaza The practice of just sitting by saying it's like walking in a crowded marketplace. Balancing a jug of water on your head trying not to spill a drop, you need to be aware of everything. If your mind just focuses on one thing, you miss something else. If you focus on the kid on the pogo stick in front of you, you don't notice the donkey with his huge baskets of dried peppers, walking on the other side, and it will bump you and cause you to spill your water. You have to be aware of everything all the merchants, the shoppers, the children, the animals. If you are too loose, and you're not paying attention, you'll spill the water. If you're too tight, and somebody suddenly brushes past you, you'll spill it too. You need the right tension to help you concentrate. To this graphic description of shikantaza Yoshi Yasutani Roshi would add and there's a soldier with walking behind you with a drawn sword. If you spill a single drop, he'll cut off your head now it gets dramatic. That's how much energy you should be putting into yours as in the more energy you put in the more energy it gives back to you. And this is the key how to put that energy in without straining, without tensing without

Sensei Amala Wrightson

21:39

grasping at anything, but rather this full bodied panoramic awareness noticing whatever is in once the feel of one sensor six senses five ordinary senses and the and just discriminate interleague all of them in one of the one of the cons on the show your rookie teacher talks about

Sensei Amala Wrightson

22:15

refers to a statement by a master here with your eyes see with your ears is that kind of absorbed practice of the senses that is required and shikantaza.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

22:43

Out paying attention being present is really a matter of life and death. Because to ignore what is going on is to be in a sense, dead dead to the world.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

23:14

That just again. Tongue Has words here. What I what? Regardless of what I did in my practice, the key remains the same for everyone. complete sincerity. You must give your all holding on to nothing you must become the practice. So from my own experience, I say to you, if you set out to do it, it will be done. If you don't it won't be done. When something isn't done. It is because you didn't resolve to do it. So there's this resolve to keep going to do our best to give it out 100% in each moment

Sensei Amala Wrightson

24:09

next short chapters is headed up Lukaku Ji This is the name of the Tongans place just down the road from her Shinji and in Obama. He says I became the OB Abbot here at Blue kaka G on March the 15th 1955. I was 30 years old. And lo and behold, I am now already over 80 That is just fine. There is pain in aging, though I'm not really suffering it myself because I live life openly committed to receiving each thing as it occurs.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

24:54

All of us who are experiencing the pain of aging we can take to heart At what Tangen-roshi is saying here because I live life openly committed to receiving each thing as it occurs, it's not really, really this, this the pain and suffering is there, but it's not sticky doesn't cause suffering this pain, this difference we make between pain and suffering, pain is the raw, physical experience. Suffering is what we add on top of that, the resistance to the pain, the the rejection of it, the tension that comes with that, which in fact, exacerbates it, multiplies it. There's the pain we can't avoid with the suffering we can it's

Sensei Amala Wrightson

26:07

my attitude toward illness has always been just leave it be doing zazzy And we'll take care of it all as well. But even so, aging is a fact, as is illness. My only goal through this life is to be of help to offer whatever I can to all beings. I cannot realize my aspiration to the fullest. But it was always my desire to do whatever I can. Whenever my affinity with this life ends, that's just fine. All beings are born out of causes and conditions. All that arises is imperfect interdependence, working together in perfect harmony. All things exist in mutual dedication, mutual support. All beings are alive in the shelter of all beings. That's beautiful statement. All beings are alive in the shelter of all beings. Each of us lives in the shelter of all beings. Each of us is utterly dependent on those all beings for this existence we have now we enter our as as taken at home puts it together with you all. I am now here believing knowing ever more deeply that all beings are Buddha, original would in nature, together with you as one, we repay our debt of kindness and express our gratitude for all we receive from the universe. Together we realize our inherent nature. It doesn't mention it in this book. But in the last few years of of Tongan Roshi his life. He was suffering from Alzheimer's disease and was being cared for by his his students there and in Bangkok eg one point there was a there was a fun little fundraising campaign to which many people from Rochester donated to build a room for for Roshi sama that didn't involve climbing stairs, which had become very difficult for him. It's not, it's not unheard of for, for spiritual teachers to suffer debilitating illness at the end of their lives just as it isn't uncommon for us ordinary people. Examples agian Chan great ThighMaster and in tech, not Han, Mo probably the most well known Buddhist teacher in the West both of whom had major strokes, and were looked after for many years after the stroke by again by students. You could say that that Tongan and agencia and not Han were offering a last gift to the students. And that gift was this the gift of of getting the chance to look after the master care for him in his last years in his time of of being dependent.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

29:58

Now we're going to We'll move from the first section of the book, which is about his life into his his teaching. These are put together from teisho as he gave and recorded tapes of not only the teisho but the the interpretation live interpretation by Belinda, Yocum Yamakawa and these were later transcribed and it has this first chapter chapter we're looking at is called inherent Buddha nature.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

30:53

After long years of practice Shakyamuni Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree. He said for a long, long time, unmoving, immersed in his intense investigation. Then one morning he looked up and saw the morning star. In this instant, he was able to wake up and perfectly see right into true self, original mind Buddha nature. He exclaimed, wonder of wonders. Wonderful. All beings, without exception, are endowed with the wisdom and virtue of the toad haggadah. targeter means the Thus Come One, and it's the way that the Buddha referred to himself. Thus Come One. And this, this exclamation that Tongan is is repeating here comes from the Avatamsaka sutra, the flower garland

Sensei Amala Wrightson

32:03

so the first word after his awakening was Wonder. With what wonder and amazement he must have seen and exclaimed, those words must have sprung forth, mixed with tears, the tears of joy, the tears of life, how deeply he was moved, body and mind reborn at the core life burning brightly. Here was a human being, who for a long time, had carried forth his vow, to save and to bring great true peace of mind or beings. This vow was his life. Even so, he could not help but exclaim and Marvel wonder of wonders. Even for one of such karmic ripeness, and compassionate character as the Buddha, the truth that he saw upon enlightenment was a wonder. This wonder, is never exhausted.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

33:08

This wonder is right here, right now. All beings are Buddha, endowed with the Buddha wisdom, the Buddha virtue, these words do not imply that someday in the future we will be endowed with the Buddha and wisdom. Now, as you are, as it is, all beings are Buddha, all things are one buddha mind alone. When we see deeply into this as tongue and dead, or as the Buddha did, then fear drops away. This is the hallmark of of Satori, deep awakening, that there is no longer and other to protect oneself against those swallowed up in this one mind. It continues, buddha mind changes constantly, taking form in accordance with causes and conditions. And each form is replete with timeless, true mind. We use the word mind, but in this context, I am speaking about your true genuine self, your life. Your Mind Your life is the whole universe. It fills the Dharma realm, and it exists right here and now. All phenomena are sacred forms of this true life. Life arises and takes form in accordance with karmic causes and conditions. A sound has made it reverberates

Sensei Amala Wrightson

35:03

It's so simple. You can here you can see it's very straightforward, very honest. In the winter is that it is a cold wind and a warm cup of tea. It appears as each and everything. However it appears and whenever it appears, this is buddha mind or phenomena everything is perfectly honest an interesting use of the word honest

Sensei Amala Wrightson

35:47

everything is wide open, everything is there for us to see and hear and taste and touch. It's not it's not a secret, the Buddha is it is Parinirvana he said I have not taught with a closed fist

Sensei Amala Wrightson

36:19

all phenomena, everything is perfectly honest. All is timeless and empty, with no going and no coming. So you have no need for worries. The way your true mind Buddha heard is absolutely perfect, flawless. It has no boy at birth and no death. It cannot be conceived through the discriminating intellect. You could spend eons at it. But never in a million years. Would that rationalizing thinking process come close to touching to comprehending your true nature. There is only to wake up to it just as the Buddha door did. We may not have an amazing experience to the depth of Tongans or the Buddhas, but it is no different in kind to their awakenings. In substance. We're waking up to what is right in front of us, runs right through us. We breathe it in, we breathe it out. We swallow it down. We excrete it. All this one board in mind

Sensei Amala Wrightson

37:42

there is only to wake up to it just as the Buddha did wake up and you can save yourself. The sun is my eye, the wind, my breath, all of space, my heart, the Mountain and Ocean my body. The sun shining brightly vividly is the eye of my life. The vastness of the sky is my heart. Who is a man is master of this boundless heart, no one else but you. This is your reality. Heaven and earth, same route. All the myriad things one body. Heaven and earth same route all the myriad things one body. This is a famous saying of Chan master, Seung Zhao, his dates 384 to 417.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

38:48

Heaven and earth same route, all the myriad things one body. Right now, sitting here in the Zendo one body all of the same route. No one separate no one outside.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

39:12

This truth is the source of your freedom, your liberty, and the freedom of each and every one of us. Wonderful wonder of wonders. No matter how deeply we worship. No matter how reverently we sing its praises. We could never begin to pray, pay homage to this wonder. All things are right here in the midst of truth, this one truth and all things are being saved. There are no restraints on your freedom. It can feel very other than this. We can feel very stuck and feel very pinned down by the aches and pains of our body or the strength of our Our chattering mind but in the midst of these things, is still nothing really holding us down

Sensei Amala Wrightson

40:18

saved our thoughts the birth of one border is the birth of all Buddha's, we are indelibly perpetually interconnected, no one is cut off, isolated apart from the whole, we are not this as opposed to that, there is no distance. This is the wonder that was revealed to Shakyamuni Buddha awakening is wonderment, total inside, outside transformation, complete peace Shakyamuni Buddha was able at last to verify this truth for himself. He reached his goal and fulfill his aspiration. At Long, long last, he understood all beings a Buddha. But he had something to say in addition to this, and how thankful we can be for the Buddha's addition, he said, but because the minds of beings have become inverted through delusive thinking, they fail to perceive their own inherent Buddha nature. This is the other side of the story. To this, this, our inherent wakefulness of Buddha nature. The the problem we have is that we don't fully perceive our Buddha nature, our minds are turned upside down by delusive thinking. And so we we suffer, we suffer in spiritual darkness, because we don't see it. We don't know it as Buddha nature. It's why we're here in the Zendo every single one of us is here, because of the suffering in darkness, not clear on who and while we are. We all have the extraordinary good karma of having encountered the Dharma and being in a position to practice it. We have this this precious human life of leisure and opportunity as the Tibetan say. We don't know for how long we will have this this body and this life which enable us to practice which is why it's so urgent. Why Tongan should throw themselves into it with such zeal because we never none of us know. What are what is in store for us and our karma. But but right now we're all here together practicing. So let us for for ourselves and for each other. Practice sincerely practice wholeheartedly, doing our best. We'll stop here and recite the Four Vows.

Richard von Sturmer

43:52

The teaching you have received is offered freely. If you would like to make a donation to support the continuation of this podcast service. Or learn more about practice opportunities at the Auckland Zen Center. Please visit dub dub dub dot Auckland zen.org dot INSEAD

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