Welcome to the universe is your therapist. We are your hosts, Dr. Amy Hoyt, and Lena Hoyt, we are sisters. Take a seat and let's dive into this week's episode.
Hi, welcome back to another episode of the universe's your therapist, Amy and I together today want to talk a little bit about the importance of one small step on your healing journey. So what does that mean to you, Amy? One small step?
Well, usually what it means to me is my brains, like there's no way that's going to work. Yep, my inner critic is like, as if, and then when I usually try the small step, it's remarkably powerful, depending on what it is. And so I think when we hear that, it's just one little thing, and that's going to help us there's a tendency to discount the power of something small and simple. And this is where, for me, my trust comes in, in the universe, or you can call it faith, where I'm like, Okay, this is someone I trust, they're telling me this will work, they have a certificate and a degree, I'm going to try it. So I think for me, it's genuinely some resistance initially. Oh,
I think that's really typical. When we've had trauma, our brain often reverts into black and white or all or nothing thinking. And with all or nothing thinking, what happens is, we think if it's not a gigantic step, or if it's not, doesn't require a lot of time or effort, then surely it can't be helpful. But what taking one small step does is it starts the new neural pathway forming in your brain. And it allows you to start taking steps towards making that a regular neural pathway. And small steps can be incredibly helpful. So when we talk in our program about getting outside in the morning and getting some sunlight, because having Sun is a something that helps your circadian rhythm and allows you to sleep better, like that's a small step, but it can make a monumental difference.
Absolutely. And as you were talking about the small steps we use, when we're working with clients, the clients that have done the small steps, like getting outside in the sun for 10 minutes and looking directly at the sun with their eyes closed. Again, eyes closed, we don't want to blind anyone know, that also regulates hormones as long as you do it before noon. And then we have other things like moving your body for 20 minutes, which seems as if it wouldn't work or help. But we know that it definitely helps with increasing our endorphins, which are part of our happy chemicals. So these small steps can be really, really impactful. And what I think of is that it's when they're repeated each day, over time, the results are massive. And I kind of think of the of the opposite of that of when I am not doing well. And I'm not taking care of my mental health, a small step in the other direction, where I'm staying up until three in the morning looking at social media. If I do that small thing, that little step, and I do it several days in a row, I'm a complete disaster, and my mental health just tanks. And so I think in order to kind of combat that resistance, we feel it's it's nice to think of the opposite of a step for our health as we step for our unhealth, if you will.
That's a great way of looking at it. And I think that will lower the brain's resistance to change. The other thing that I started studying about 10 years ago is how resistant the brain is to change. But the brain doesn't really like change. And so when we recognize that there might be a part of us that doesn't want to do that thing. That's okay. Maybe the key is noticing that it's a part of us and that there may be another part of us that thinks that might be a good idea. And instead of battling with ourselves, take the most micro step you can which might be I'm gonna go outside on my porch for one minute. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that's doable for almost anybody. Yeah.
It reminds me a lot of in the 12 step programs. You know, we don't talk about sobriety for life, that would no one would come back. Like you will never drink again, like right out of here, but It's like for this minute, during this meeting, let's not have a drink. And then it's today, let's not have a drink. And whatever that is, for us whether we're battling an addiction, or we're trying to take a small step, if we can, as you say, boil it down to the very smallest, teeniest action, I think that's really, really impactful.
Well, I think about my own health journey in the last five years, and how difficult it has been for me, and how I've started to feel a little bit better in the last few weeks. And so what I've tried to do is go outside and walk down the hill by my house and walk back up, it takes me less than 15 minutes, but it's something that I can do without dreading it. And it is movement, and it is getting outside in. So I'm catching sun. And if I can try to do it before noon, I have the added benefit of though hormones being stimulated appropriately and the circadian rhythm happening. So that's a really small step, although a smaller step for me has been walking to the mailbox, which is less than a block away. And all of those things, it's really important that we allow our brains to count all of those things.
One of the, I appreciate that perspective, and I was thinking about your physical health challenges. And for our listeners, Lena had a stroke three or four years ago, four years ago, four years ago. And so that, that it's been a very challenging physical recovery. And as I'm thinking about trauma, and the litany of mental health issues that come from trauma, kind of like a stroke, gave you a ton of physical health challenges. So some of our listeners, if you've had sustained toxic stress, or if you've had a traumatic event, or even something you didn't get in childhood can be trauma. So perhaps you weren't, you were neglected, didn't get what you needed. So then you have this laundry list of mental health challenges. And so how can we help because this is what's always always always on my brain is how can we help the people who need help with their mental health and recovering from trauma. But even the act of doing one little step feels overwhelming, because it almost feels like you're going to be swallowed up whole by your pain.
I think what I started doing years ago, even before my stroke because of a very resistant brain. And so what I started doing is I started thinking of the smallest possible thing I could do, that would kind of approximate what I was trying to do. So that would be in the right area, or in a step towards that, which I'm trying to do. And so sometimes it can be, I'm going to put my phone down for two minutes, and you set a timer for two minutes. And you don't say to yourself, I should really put it down for a half hour. I mean, that's, that might be. But almost anyone can do anything for two minutes. And so if you can figure out what you're trying to do, what symptoms you're trying to break, or what behaviors you're trying to manage, and then do the smallest step toward it. I remember, a friend of mine years ago, told me that she just decided she was going to do one pushup every day. And six months into it. She was doing like 100 pushups a day. But the reason she started the reason her brain let her start was because she said to herself, I'm just going to do one a day. And I don't know if you remember back in 2016 and 17, I started doing that. And we were somewhere and somebody said, My gosh, your arms are looking great. And I didn't even notice. Yeah, I just was doing very minimal things. And over the period of a month, it made a difference.
That's awesome. And so in terms of our mental health, what is the one pushup a day?
I think it depends on different people. When one step could be to find something enjoyable or funny on social media, one step could be to listen to enjoyable music. One step could be to go outside on your porch, one could be journaling. One could be identifying and practicing a breathing exercise every day. That's something that could take less than two minutes. And depending on what relief you're trying to find. If you are able to sit calmly for a few minutes, you may find that you're able To identify something small that will lead you to that will lead you to the resolution of that. And because our brain is very poor at noticing progress, we have to, we have to be aware that one thing done consistently actually makes huge changes. Yeah,
no, I completely agree. I know that the some of the people we've led through our program, have found immense relief from doing the four things that we've identified from the scientific literature that pack the biggest punch. And so we have what we call the daily formula, where and we have accountability with this, where we ask people to do these really small steps, you don't have to do all of them each day. That's the goal. But you want to start with something small. And that is going out into the sunlight before noon for 10 minutes and moving your body and getting enough hydration. And we do free form journaling. So that people can kind of help make that subconscious stuff come a little bit loose as they're journaling, freeform. And then of course, we do a somatic exercise. And the first one we teach people, is the somatic sway. And that's just as if you know, whenever you're holding a baby, you kind of find yourself swaying, whether they're crying or not. Or it could even be a small animal. And this is actually extremely relaxing for your nervous system. And so those teeny things which we have found packed the biggest punch are one way that our, the people we work with have found relief. And many of them have commented, I didn't think this was going to work. This happened, I'm at work, I got activated, this is what's going on, I did this. I did this sweat, I went in the bathroom, I did this way. And it's working. And that's what that's to me the power of it is seeing how it works in action at work at home, wherever you are when you're extremely stressed.
Yes. And a lot of times when we are really emotionally activated, we can't, we can't think of or access our tools. And when I'm working with people, I always say it's okay. As soon as you remember it, see if you can do it. So if you think oh, man, I should have been swaying 15 minutes ago. It's okay. Just find someplace that you can be in Sway for a few minutes, then yeah, all of it. What it does is it's it sets up this powerful neural pathway. And so if we have an understanding that these things done consistently, can lead to kind of an automatic response when we're stressed. It becomes more memorized by our neural pathways, then we're really doing ourselves such a huge favor, when we access our ability to think of a tool and then use it then even if we couldn't in the moment. Yeah,
that's a really good point. I think that's one of the challenges with trauma and with mental health issues is that we often get disconnected from our prefrontal cortex was, which is our logic center. And so when that happens, we can forget what we learned.
Yeah, absolutely. In fact, it's physiological is because the blood flow is reduced to your prefrontal cortex. So you don't actually have physiological like access to it. Right.
Yeah. So I love that. You have a workaround, where just as soon as you remember to go ahead and do it, yes. How have Oh, go ahead.
I was thinking about how we, we suggest that people go outside for 10 minutes a day. And here's another way to have a small simple step. If you can't do that, then do it for one minute or two minute, two minutes, or whatever time you can do. The point isn't I have to do it for the set amount of time. The point is, I'm going to start doing it so that my body and brain and nervous system start making those changes and I'm looking for
Yeah, I think that's great. What What tool has been most helpful out of the tools we've been talking about for you personally.
Um, for me, I think breathing a breathing exercise, the the double breath, sigh or the physiological sigh that has been so powerful for me I've I've known about breathing exercises for almost 25 years, and I only learned that one last year and it will works better than any other breathing exercise I've ever experienced. And it does something to call me immediately. That's awesome. Yeah, and for those of you who don't know what the double breath sigh is, it's a big inhalation like your sign. Except for you inhale as much as you can, then you pause, inhale again, and then exhale forcefully, so that you get all the oxygen out of your lungs. And it's really powerful. Sometimes I can do that two or three times. And I just, it's like a reset for my nervous system.
Well, my favorite is the I'm going to say going out into the sun.
Yes, that makes sense.
with my eyes closed, usually doing meditation at the same time, but not always. And I find that extremely effective for mood and calming my nervous system.
That's great. It makes so much sense because you've always loved the sun, even from a small child. Yeah, that's lovely. And one of the things I noticed is that when you're out on your porch, you you're in nature, like you have trees around you. I remember when we first started talking on the phone about this project two years ago, and I remember saying to you, are those birds in the background? And you're like, yes, there are birds, my tree, and you can hear them singing and chirping. And I was so struck by that. So you're actually doing your nervous system a favor by being in nature as well.
Yeah, good point. It's the trifecta. Yeah. Any other suggestions for how people can start when they're even feeling like there's no way this is going to work?
Well, one way to address the resistance is to say to yourself, I'm just going to do an experiment. I'm just going to experiment with this for seven days, or three days, or however many days, you are able to do it. And when your brain knows it's an experiment, it's like what you talked about one day at a time with the 12 steps, it's not as resistant, because it doesn't think with dread about the task ahead. So that can be one way. And another way can be just to find something that it will be calming for you whatever it is, and do it for one minute a day. And and the power of one minute a day. I know it sounds completely ridiculous. But there's power and especially as you do it consistently.
Yeah. Well, I think just like physical health, we all know that when we first start getting back into shape, we have to start small, and that if you just are consistent, you'll have huge results. And it's the same with mental health.
Right? That's a great point.
So one of the ways I was thinking that people if they are nervous about starting out, and resistant to just even one small step, that is something we help people with, and we offer them a chance to work with us, we have, you know, a monthly membership, where it's accountability for these small steps, along with education for trauma. And we also offer two weeks free so people can try it and see if it's a good fit for them, we all are going to have a different way that we are kind of gravitate towards to heal some of our mental health wounds and our trauma and our toxic stress. And so, come check out this program for free for two weeks. It's mending trauma.com backslash peace after trauma. It's a monthly membership, it's very low cost, it's $27 a month. And we literally give you a formula of micro steps so that you can try it out. Of course, there's also education and support and we have live events, but it's a very, if you're nervous. Let people who have gone through this before help mentor you because I think it takes some of the pain away of doing it alone.
Yeah, I think so too. It's like being amongst people that understand you. And that's, that's really reassuring for the nervous system.
It is it is.
Thanks everyone for joining us and we hope that you'll join us again for our next podcast.
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