everyone and welcome to the first episode of 2022 for all the things ADHD, no lovelies. Yeah, that sounds about right. Although I did like it when it was Christmas carols like, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. No, it's okay. It's my Christmas anymore. It's it's, it's, we are deep into January can we believe we are already deep into January like this is not?
Yeah. Yeah, like 2020 was was bad, most of it. And then 2021 was like 12 months of, of surprisingly bad stuff. And now 2022 is like, not even a full month done. And it's like, hold my beer, right? Yeah. Like 2022 Is that what you were in now? Like that right. 2022 like, came out of the gate pretty hard. Pretty hard, like epic snowstorms. Colorado burnt down and then froze. Right? Like, oh micron is the thing that's happening. Epic snowstorms everywhere school closures for weather and for illness. And now everyone's like, wear a medical mask law, but you can't find them. Everybody has COVID But nobody can get tested. Also, everything is terrible and inflation is high. But we should all be fine by now. Thanks 2022 Is it the new year yet? Because I would like to start over?
Yeah, I just like to jump to 2023 So in case you didn't know I am one of your co hosts Lee Skallerup Bessette.
And in case you didn't know I am another one of your co horse. Cool horse. I did it again. co host
Oh Lord, I
would like adorable is real struggle. The struggle to be cool. Horses is real. Oh Lord. I am the inarticulate. Amy Morrison.
So did you want from probably probably a good choice not to share your middle name today. Given the first opening salvo AB not so much hope
for the hopeless Morrison. Amy hope this year against better Morrison. Amy hoping to wake up from this bad dream Morrison.
Yeah. I would say hoping it doesn't get any worse. But like, it's it'll just be like, hold my beer.
Absolutely. Fate there.
Yeah. Yeah, it's it's not Yeah. So. So um, how was your holiday? Oh,
my holiday was great. We rolled into it, everybody was sick. But nobody had COVID Because at that time, it was possible to be tested. So we got tested, but we were all down for about like seven or eight days with like a massive cold. I think we're now all like toddlers going to daycare for the first time. You know, we're like, you're sick for an entire year because your immune system has never been exposed anything before. So now whenever we get a cold, which we haven't had for two years, we're like, oh, I'm dying. Right? And then Ontario was like, oh, no, everybody has to get a booster shot right now. And there's no appointments available anywhere. So we played that game again of like, what's your favorite game, my favorite game, your
favorite game?
I hate it so much Lee. I know. So that was very stressful. And then
if they don't, if people don't follow you on social media, they don't know what game we're talking about. So go into a little bit about the right vaccination game in Ontario, which is not uncommon. I'm sure this is a similar game that other people have played, which is a neurodivergent nightmare.
It's a neurodivergent nightmare. So our government likes to wait until the last minute before deciding that something is urgent. And then there's no infrastructure to support the individual choices, they are now courses into making. So with the vaccine rollout for first doses, it was done by age and done by a vulnerability and done by demographic, but they would just all of a sudden open up a trash to new groups of people with no notice. But without any infrastructure to support the higher number of people who would be seeking vaccinations at that point. So that it would say like, it's super, super important for you to get an appointment and then the website would crash every time you tried to use it, and the closest appointment you could get was six weeks away. Right? And so we went through that in the spring a little bit less so it's second doses and we think we would learn at that time that that's not how you roll out a vaccine schedule. But then we did it again right at the end of December where it was like it is essential that everybody get vaccinated as soon as possible and then you know, 2 million people try to book vaccine appointments at the same time and so what you wind up they like well don't go through the province for this one go through the hospital for this but then also call all the local pharmacies and see if you can get through but this site is taking online bookings and you know, there's a Walmart three towns over that might have I know a guy right so it was very much detail and speed and who you know and making phone calls. And then whenever you would get an appointment people would say like, Oh, I got an earlier one. then that you should have just tried harder. So like on top of being afraid that we're all going to get COVID and then being bullied by the government, like you have to do this immediately. If you care anything about the community, you will get vaccinated immediately. Like I'm trying. Yeah, I'm trying so hard. So that was unnecessarily emotionally grueling for everybody. In Ontario. Yeah. So that's kind of how that went. But we did eventually get get our boosters, which was good. But then school was cancelled a bit for my kid, all of my classes at the university moved online, was going to be for two weeks, and it was going to be for three weeks. And now it's for five weeks. And the rules keep changing. Everyday about that. And we're being encouraged to wear certain types of masks that are impossible to purchase. And I had some trouble getting my vaccine passport because of some paperwork problems that were not of my making. Right. So it's a lot of details to manage. But when we lay that aside for the holiday, it was okay, because we did get to see our immediate families, right, that was allowed this year. And so that was really nice and restful, and we had a pretty good time. And then like immediately, the first day that we rested, you know, just as our podcast episodes, suggested that we should do we did that it was great. We felt rejuvenated. And then, like the very first day back, everything fell apart again. So that's that's kind of how that went. How about you? How was your How was your break?
Oh, I believe the first half was good, rested, I did nothing like really nothing. I was like, you know, I love but I love sewing right? And so like, there's something you know, is therapeutic is like your knitting rate. And I just, I kept I put some patterns together. They put a lot of patterns together, but I didn't actually get any sewing done. And then I was all like, second half, I'll get stuff done. And then we all got COVID. Oh, you did? Or at least we're pretty sure we all got COVID. But we only know for sure that two people got COVID. Right, because, of course, there are no tests at night, because it is post Christmas. There are no rapid tests available anywhere. And even scheduling an appointment for a PCR test was impossible. And so like, again, you're you've got COVID and you're like I can't get tested. And I mean, there's some very real you know, there's some very real or could be possibly some very real consequences, particularly with long COVID If you don't have an official diagnosis of COVID. Right, right. And depending on what kind of sympathetic doctor or insurance or HMO you have, like, they might just say, like, oh, well, you got sick during the period where there are no tests. And so we're just going to say COVID. And so now we can put you under long COVID. And there are certain things that happened.
Let me just sidebar you here for a moment Lee and say, Are you suggesting that sometimes health care and accessibility resources are only unlocked for you if you secure an official diagnosis that is difficult to get?
Yes, yes, that is what I'm saying. And it is
resonant. I know of the themes with this podcast.
I know. And maybe it's because I am more conscious of it, that I was like stressing out over making sure that at least some of us could get diagnosis, diagnosis and get that positive test. And, and amongst all of that, I'd also got my booster. Right. And so I was down for about two days. Yep. So it's no everyone else in the house. They were it was it was it was it wasn't great, but it wasn't like terrible. Nobody ended up in the hospital. Nobody was worried about oxygen. Nobody was worried. You know, like, it was just we were, you know, not happy about being sick, but at the same time, not so sick except for me. That we were, you know, useless. Right? I was useless. Right? Um, for a couple days. And but it was, you know, we, it was weird, right? Like, you spent two years of trying to avoid getting something. And then you just, you know, and you can't even really tell, you know, where did I get and it was weird that it was over the holidays, because it's like, there was no swim team. There was no going to work. There was like, you know, we did groceries. You know, and even then we didn't really do groceries because we wanted to avoid the Christmas rush of groceries. You know, so it's it was it's a weird it's a weird sort of space we're in particularly with, um, cron, because like, everyone's getting it. Yeah, right. And not everyone has gotten it. But certainly we see the numbers spike and there is this kind of, it's contagious, right? It's much more contagious and
like the technical term is catchy. It's very catchy. It's very catchy, catchy,
catchy, like a policy that we we got it it got catchy did our house we were sticking to it. I'll tell you that. Well,
look, here's where we're gonna start today. Is when you were telling me over text earlier about getting COVID, you were mentioning about how I think you're saying a little bit now too, like, how did we get it, we avoided it for two years. And we did everything right. And we didn't go everywhere or anywhere. And and so this gives a little bit of sort of pre moralizing that you're doing yourself, because you're afraid of what people are going to say to you if you tell them that you have COVID. Right. And that's something I think we wanted to lean into today is to think about, about when bad things happen to good people, right? When when you have a sort of complicated health issue that may be stigmatizing or that you may feel that others are going to judge you for or if you're a person who wants to not be judging other people, but want to be seen as a as a support for others, like, what are the best ways that we can do this? I was reading an article might have been in the Atlantic might have been in the Washington Post, I have no idea. But it was about people who's unvaccinated loved ones had died from COVID, and how they are not putting it in the obituaries anymore, because there's whole sort of Reddit forums devoted to showcasing people who died of COVID, because they were unvaccinated and then sort of Doxxing and hate mailing the loved ones, right. And so they're like, I just want to mourn the loss of my husband, or my mother or my child or my cousin, without getting in a political fight with people about how they deserve to die. Or if only they had done this thing and not been so stupid, they wouldn't have happened to them. So in a post vaccine sort of universe now, we are pretty judgy. Right? Yeah, I know that as a vaccinated person. I want other people to get vaccinated, so I can leave my house eventually, right? But then how does that shift into if somebody gets COVID? And they feel that they can't even tell anybody? Because they're afraid that they're, you know, going to be judged about it? And I think that's really terrible. Yeah, yeah. I think that has impacts on like, your ability to deal with your illness, too, right?
Yeah. Oh, no. And I mean, I'll all all say this, like, it was, it's complicated, because I mean, you know, you you sort of saw it with Omicron. And a lot of people were sharing on social media when they got COVID. And for somebody who shares everything on social media, I did not share this. Right. And it was I, and again, it was one of those things where in trying to think about it in terms of privacy in terms of just comfort level, it was just sort of this weird, like, you know, I I don't know what people like, you know, I wasn't that sick. So I didn't need the like, Oh, my goodness, and the sort of not even the moralizing but also just the like, Oh, I'm so sorry. And oh, you know, I, I've just like, it's not, you know, we're okay, it's, it's okay, like we're and it's over the holidays. And so, isolating is not all that hard. And, you know, we have plenty of food and, you know, so it's like, I don't know, it just it felt like this weird space. And I mean, I'm even seeing it, like with the kids like coach, and I mean, and my daughter as well, where she was adamant about getting a test, because she needed to know one way or the other. So that when, again, the first week back at school ended up getting canceled because of snow anyways, so we didn't have to worry about like missing classes or anything like that. But, you know, she had to say she's like, I need to know one way or the other if this is a colder COVID. Because, you know, if I'm sitting in class, and I start coughing, I need to be able to say assuredly, to people that I got tested and to do it so that they're not all like, giving me dirty looks and all that kind of stuff.
Even Kasey, they're like I hear it when you're talking about your experience, like you're minimizing Right? Like, you're saying, like, I wasn't that sick, I don't really need people's pity, like people had it worse than me, you're sort of minimizing your own experience of the illness because you don't want to obtrude on people's notice at the same time. As there's a little bit of like, you know, I don't know how I got it. And people might be like, trying to give me tips about like, I should have stayed home more. And I'm so mystified about it. And then there's Cassie saying like, if I start coughing, like, I don't want to be blamed for stuff, that's not my fault, like I need to know, so that I will be blameless, right, in a way right. But like what underlies those reactions that we have to our own illnesses, as a kind of like internalized ableism or judgment of other people's choices, or it might just be a kind of learned wariness about if you say the words I have COVID You're going to draw all the lunatics out of your social media feed, who are just going to come for you and you don't kind of want that right now. So we are re narrating our own experiences for ourselves in a ways to make ourselves either like the perfect kind of victim, right? Yes, it was completely blameless, but also who is bulletproof from attack from anybody else, right, because we don't want to be like those people. And we also don't want to Those people coming for us. Well, and
I also understand the frustration that people who are caring for immunocompromised parents or children or loved ones, spouses, whatever it is, where, you know, I also know that every single person when they go on and announces that they get COVID. I mean, that is
terrifying to absolutely right. Yeah. Like, they're already stressed out
enough about it. And I mean, but then on the other hand, they also need the information to be able to know like, how safe or not safe is it for myself and my loved ones. Right. And so there's no again, it's, it's and there's then there's the whole thing about what the the Director of the CDC came out, and was like, Oh, no one's dying from Omicron. Unless, unless you already have like, it's just old people in sick people. So that's great people in sick people and disabled people. Yeah. So great. Yeah, we're okay. We're all right. Like, what was it four core comorbidities? That was it. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. For for comorbidities, or was for like, things that you check off? And it's like, you know, and I've got, I'm sure I could probably get four of them. Like because I'm, I'm, I'm considered obese. That's always nice on my file. And I have asthma and probably have high blood pressure. I don't know. They might just be stress
is not good. You're not checking that. Yeah, I you know, I discovered when I turned 40, that that 40 is a risk factor. Right? So actually be 40 Is is a comorbidity. So there we go. I've got it. I should be dead. Yeah, you should be dead. Yeah. So people don't sort of realize like, and I think that's like some kind of structural, internalized ableism. There are two is that we think like, comorbidities are like, bad things that have happened to people's bodies because of stuff those people have done like, but with aging, the only alternative to aging is dying, right? So if you live long enough, that's one morbidity that you have, right? Or if you you know, like, My immune systems a bit messed up. I have like pretty bad psoriasis than exam. And one of the treatments for that is to take immunosuppressive drugs. So that would make me immuno compromised if I was taking those and that's another comorbidity but like, are we trying to find a way to blame me for having psoriasis and say that, you know, because I have the skin disorder, that's an immune, autoimmune disease, that it's okay that I die from COVID. Right. So we always tend to imagine comorbidities as bad things that other people have brought upon themselves and not as things that we ourselves have. Although if we did a kind of audit of our own bodies, we would often find out like, do they consider that a co morbidity? And it's basically just trying to to assuage people's death anxiety? Right? So that's like, yeah, kind of where we're at. People want to know that if something bad happened to you, you deserved it. Right? Yeah, that person who has lung cancer, like were they a smoker? Right, okay. And what that basically means is like, I don't want to pile on the person who was the smoker like, Oh, that's very bad. But what I'm trying when I ask like, were they a smoker, I am trying to find a way to convince myself that I will never get lung cancer because I didn't make that choice. Right. And when people want to know, but like, where did you get it from? Are you vaccinated? Like, with your your COVID? Right, what they're trying to find a way is like, Well, that happened to her, it will never happen to me, because she made bad choices. Right? Yeah. So often, the kinds of curiosity that people bring to a discussion about your illness or injury or accident is a way to turn you into an other. Yeah. So that whatever happened to you could never happen to them. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that's something I want to I want to think about a little bit more, because I think that's really endemic. And as you know, you're looking at me right now. And you follow me on my socials. I had a pretty serious facial injury about a week and a half ago, that I'm not really ready to talk about, like what happened, but let's just say it involves an ambulance ride unexpectedly, blood all over the place. Several hours at the hospital where I was not attended to promptly because of the unvaccinated people with COVID everywhere. If you will, wound up with five stitches above my lip up to my nose and then two stitches underneath my right eye. My eye was super, super blackened, my whole face was swollen, and green. I had cuts all over my eyelid and all over my face. It was a hot mess. And I have learned me some things about what you should say to people who are not well, and in general. When we ask people questions about these things, we need to consider is this question about a swaging my own death anxiety? Or is this question designed to be supportive in a way that the sick or injured person wants. Yeah, that's where I'm at. Right? So if I hear that you have COVID Li, I'm not going to be like, Oh my god, I like I thought you were vaccinated, because now I need you to convince me that you weren't right. Or I'm not gonna say where do you get it from? I'll be like, do you need me to Uber Eats you some soup? Because I will write like, Yeah, are you guys? Okay? Do you have help? Like, that's a question that's for you. The other questions are like, where did you get it? That's a question for me. Right? And that's maybe a prurient kind of curiosity, like, Oh, you're ADHD? Like, who else in your family? Has it been? Like, where did you get that from? Like, why are those questions?
Yeah, well, yeah. And I think it's also this this difference between, and again, we've talked a lot about invisible, right. Was this ADHD? Autism, there's neuro divergence is a kind of invisible, right. Yeah, that is not as apparent. And then the, you know, you cross over into the visible? Yeah. Right. Or, and I would say, COVID. Is is very visible in so far is that, I mean, everybody makes such a big deal out of it. Right. Like, I had to, you know, again, I had to go get my daughter goes back to school for one day, and one day, in fact, raised Yeah. Even though she's already had COVID. But, you know, it's, it's this very visible thing where they are, they, you know, announced that these six students have to go immediately to the office and grab all of your stuff. And then it's, you know, the calling of the parents and the, you know, in the know, is was even funnier, because they're like, well, we can't tell you who had who had who tested positive and they're like, Okay, so the six of us, we're all sitting at the same table during this class. And the seventh person isn't here.
Yeah, that's right. It's not a date. It's a social graph.
Yeah. Like, even even, even freshmen can do the math on that. Yeah. But But again, like there is there is a very visible, you know, component where all of a sudden, you know, somebody's not coming to swim team practice, and their siblings aren't coming either or, and, and there's the general concern of, well, where are they? Right? Are they, you know, that there's a general Do they just go on vacation? Is everything okay? It's, uh, you know, and then it's, and then it's like, and you're like, right, you know, it's sort of whispered, whereas if they had the flu, if they had, you know, anything else, so there's, there's a real visibility to COVID, that, that is different than anything I think we've experienced, but then you also have, again, very real, every day, right disabilities that have existed long before COVID, and will continue to exist long afterwards. In that space, and it's just, uh, you know, there, there is something about, and again, I think it also goes back to, we talked about in the episode around, like, when we lean into our ADHD, or we lean into our autism after we get the diagnosis, and people are just like, oh, how come all of a sudden you're very, this way? Yeah. Because suddenly, it's like, well, I'm not masking anymore. Mm hmm.
I'm allowed to be this way now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like that. That visibility versus invisibility, like on this podcast, we've talked a lot about, like, what a burden, it is, in some ways to have to make a choice all the time about whether you're going to disclose your invisible disability or not, right? And so it's like, is it safe to do it here? Will there be a benefit to me here will there'll be a benefit to others, if I disclose in this space, and sometimes it's like, I wish people could see that what I have is real so that I wouldn't have to like argue with them all the time about it. And like, those things are all true. But to move through the world with a very visible kind of difference, a pathological sort of difference, like you've been contact trees for COVID. Or like, you have stitches all over your face and a giant black eye and no more cheekbones anymore. Is you don't have that choice, right? Is that your your illness or disability is walking into a room in front of you. And what the the world puts on you generally, is a demand for explanation. Right? Which feels like a trial every time. Yeah. Every time you have it. Right. And so I think it's a little Leonard Davis said like disability demands an answer. Right? So as soon as we see it, we want to know like that it was your fault that this happened to you and then it's not going to happen to me. Right? Is is generally the kind of answer that disability demands and it's something that I was was grappling with, you know, on my way to the hospital with like a tea towel stuck to my bleeding face was about since the injury is on my face. It is me for all intensive purposes in the world when I engage with people, and the first question that people always have Here's what happened to you. And it's very difficult to answer that question in the moment by saying, I don't want to tell you, right or like, that's you to ask. So that's a question that comes from people's curiosity, right? But like, maybe when I have a big facial injury, and I'm still so swollen, I can't see out of one eye, like, I don't really want to relive that story for you. Maybe, right, that might be traumatic for me, or it might be embarrassing, or I might think that you'll judge me, if you know what happened or like, I might think that you might pity me too much, right? So now I feel like I've lost control over my own narrative and instantiation in the world, and but I have had experience this week of, of being able to set boundaries, that felt pretty good for me, and, and from that, I've been able to sort of determine what feels good and doesn't feel good. When you see someone with a visible injury or disability or when you know, someone discloses to you, like their whole family has come down with COVID. Like, generally you should be asking, are you okay? Right? Or if the person doesn't want to bring it up, like the things are healing, they're obviously already there, space has been stitched. It's not an emergency right now, you know, like I said to my husband, you know, I don't like it. When people ask me about it. I don't want them to ask me about it. And he said, well, like, are you not supposed to say anything? And I was like, Well, no, because when people ignore it, too, that's a bit weird, because you know, they're talking behind your back about it. Like I think the best thing to do, which is they say like, I see that something has happened to you. I hope you're okay. And if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Yeah, I've just noticing. Like,
that's not our instinct, because I will admit that the first time I saw the picture
is like, what happened to you? I
just, I was like, and it was a I'll admit, it was out of concern. Yeah. Right. And part of it was just like, yeah, and then, and then I saw it because it was different. It was like, there was one on Twitter and one on Insta. And then I saw one and then messaged you, and then saw the other and was like, sorry, hope you're okay. Let me know if I can do anything. Yeah, that's,
yeah. Like, yeah, even on Twitter, where I had put, like, you know, this thing happened to me. But just because you can see that I have a visual, visible giant facial injury does not mean I owe you the story of what happened to me.
And then I was like, sorry. Yeah, it'd be
it's funny, because then I immediately have an urge to explain myself to everybody, even though I really don't want to because like, when I have done that, then the conversation is less about, like, what happened to my face and more about me sort of contextualizing and justifying all of the things that happen, which is not like a mental space. I want to be No, no right now.
Yeah. And yeah, and again, like, that's why I say like, our instinct as people, I think, is to do the opposite of what you said. Yeah. Which it really is, is, you know, and so, so that's really good advice again, and just saying, like, are you? Are you okay?
Yeah. Are you okay? Is
there sorry? Okay.
I can do or I see, you know, that you have experienced some things, right? If you just want us to carry on this conversation, like, nothing has changed. Cool. If you want to talk about if you need to, like just, I'm good with any of that, right? Like, I had a friend in grad school. And this really struck with me too. She came to school one day with a grievous facial injury. And I am very sensitive to overstepping people's boundaries. And so like, I just spoke with her, I looked her in the eye and I talked with her, like usual and she said to me, you know, Amy, no one has asked me about what happened to my face. She's like, I fell coming off the bus. And I hit the bench with my face. She's like, but I maybe got beat up by a romantic partner, right? Like is this how is this how spousal, like abuse or intimate partner abuse gets hidden? Because we've all agreed not to talk about it. And so I thought God, like how do you acknowledge that you can see something traumatic has happened to somebody without engaging in what I honestly think is like prurient curiosity. That's more about why needs Yeah. Right, then about your needs as someone who's had an injury, right. And it's really hard to find that line. It doesn't come naturally to me, either. I always want to know the why. But like, and I will say, I did have a lot of people, like people who are my family, like like, Oh, my God, what happened you even though they've read my poster, I'm like, I don't want to talk about what happened to me. Like, I want to talk about how this happened. But I'm happy
that it was like what we thought that was just for other people, like, people not like the we're, we're real people. What
exactly, but what felt really amazing to me, were the people who who picked up like, it was not a, it was not a subtle cue. It was like, I'm not going to tell you what happened. It's none of your business. Right? But here's what's going on. And here's what I want to talk about. Right? And people would DM me and say, Thank you for sharing that. And I'm not going to ask you what happened and I'm not going to give you any advice but you know, like this happened to my face once and if you want to talk about it cool. So they're not like here's seven different creams. You couldn't use like people were very they respected my boundaries, which like, I really do feel like when you've had this like, experience, you need to be treated a bit gently, right people could take their their lead from you and like, it's similar to like in this day and age, coming down with COVID. Like you're sick and you're coughing, and you're worried that you can't get tests and you're worried about your insurance and people are like, but like, what kind of masks were you guys wearing? Like is not where your energy needs to be. You're tired. And you're sick. And you're worried? You don't want to be there. For me. Good patient hood. to others. You're right. Yeah, that's a good second to land.
Oh, my internet connection is unstable.
Oh, sorry. I am unstable. So
my internet is reflecting our general.
Yeah, our general status, right, like, yeah, so this was just something that that really intrigued me about this weekend. And like, people on the internet have been very kind to me, like my friends. I set the tone. And then like, people really picked up on it. And like, my best friend, like from high school who I've known, like, since I was five. This is like, it's none of my business. What happened to your face? But do you like soup? And then she's like, DoorDash me like some soup from a local restaurant. She lives in Ottawa. I don't write like, she was just like, here's some soup, because like, soup is always like the right gesture. It always, always is and like, let people come to you. But I will say, when I was at the hospital, to my experience of the healthcare system was was not great. Honestly, I mean, it may be because we're in the middle of this omachron Wave, and the hospitals are very, very busy. But it's astonishing to me, I had to come in on a wheelchair because I'm kind of fainting, right and losing a lot of blood, and I could only see out of one eye. So they put me in a wheelchair and the paramedics were really, really nice. And the intake nurse was really, really nice. But everybody after that just sort of grabbed my chair and started wheeling me around like I was a FedEx package. And nobody talked to me, right? Like the first woman who's not the triage nurse who grabbed my wheelchair, just walked behind me, never having made eye contact. And I could hear her like kick up the brake on the wheel and then just started pushing me while talking to people, she was passing in the hallway, like literally as if I was like an inert package on a trolley, and then just sort of dumped me in front of a different triage nurse said something to the nurse and then walked away. And then the second like nurse came up and then wheeled me to a different location and then left me there. And I felt profoundly dehumanized. Yeah, by that. Actually, that was very strange. For me, and because of the way the COVID restrictions are working in the hospitals right now, is you can't have anybody with you. Right? So my husband really wanted to come with me, but it couldn't was not allowed in the hospital. And I'm like a wreck. I have like bleeding, large gashes in my face, and a lot of them around my eye. And I just had eye surgery this year. So my eyes kind of delicate right now. And like internally, I'm freaking out, but it's absolutely not safe. For me in this space. Nobody is talking to me. Nobody is treating me like a human being. And all I'm doing is actually trying to manage myself presentation so they don't come across as a crazy person. Yep. Right. I'm trying to manifest you know, upper middle class, well educated person, I want to be treated like a human. And the only thing I can think to do in this point is like, enact respectability politics. Yeah. Right. And I found myself, you know, after like two and a half hours when the doctor kind of showed up at the gurney, where someone had deposited me. And I said to him, like, you know, my name is Amy. He's like, Yeah. And I said, he's like, I'm gonna sit you up. I was like, Okay, I said this on my face. I'm a little worried about scarring. And he said, Well, you're getting stitches on your face, there's going to be scarring. And that was it. And then I felt so small, right? Like, I felt like that I had tried to express a worry that I had, and instead of like, you know, saying, well, we can talk about that after get your stitches and he was just like, that is a stupid worry to have, and it's not worth my time. Right. And it was like, so weird to be in that space to where I'm like, completely looped out. I get no pain meds of any sort. I'm like, Wigan. I haven't had anything to eat. All day. It's like three of the afternoon, getting stitches in my face. I've never had stitches before. And he's like talking to me about stuff that somehow I'm expected to remember and I can't write because I'm traumatized. Nobody is there to help me. And it was just like, oh, is this how people encounter the healthcare system like as disabled or sick people? It was amazing to me how rapidly this injury transformed me from a competent and mostly able person into a completely Volvo horrible, dependent and dehumanized person. He was incredibly rapid. And that was very humbling to me. Yeah.
No, I'm I mean, I'm lucky. I was like is the right word that like the the the most recent engagements we've had has been for better or for worse with the kids. And because they're minors, I you need an adult there. So it's actually a really surreal experience at one point, because there's no one else allowed in there. And so waiting rooms are empty. Right, right. And so I'm like, sitting in the waiting room and people pass by and I'm like, daughter, you know, and eventually everybody knows who I'm waiting for. Because there's only one minor up there getting. Yeah. You know, but But yeah, so I mean, it's it that was. So again, like, I've, it's been pediatrics, and they've been good and that and that. But I mean, if somebody on social media was sharing a very similar experience that she had after surgery, where they wouldn't give her pain meds, in part because the top of her chart said depression and anxiety, which automatically means well, you don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah. So the Yeah, the healthcare system can when you don't have your advocate with you, and when you're not at your best, and like, if you're on a journey, you are not at your best, I felt probably the most sort of disempowered as an individual that I have felt like in a tremendously long time, because like, I like made this last ditch effort to get the doctor to take me seriously about like, this is my face, right? And so I said, this is also like a sort of bid for him to sort of see me as a particular type of person. And I said, Well, the thing is, I'm on TV a lot, which is true. And then I said, I guess I should just be grateful that I did my live news hit this morning, instead of this afternoon. And he laughed, because he didn't believe me. But that was true. Yeah, I did. Like it's on Twitter. You can see like, I did this interview, like about an hour before my face got shredded. But he just didn't just didn't care. I was making these sort of bids. To say see me as a human like, see me as someone whose concerns here matter, right. Yeah. And the and they didn't, but I will say one thing that I did that I'm kind of proud of, even though it was like very embarrassing in the moment is like, I'm all alone. I'm in a world of hurt. I've had no pain meds of any sort doctor appears out of nowhere. He's like, I'm going to start stitching your face now. And I'm like, I don't need I haven't seen my injury. I don't know what it looks like. I don't know the extent but I don't know how many stitches. I don't know what's going on. I'm starving. I'm thirsty and freaking out. I said, Can I have a sip of water? Please? I haven't had any water. My throat is really dry. I'm afraid I'm gonna start choking. And he said Not right now. Okay, great. So I am choking. And he starts stitching at my face. And like he puts the freezing and I'm sorry, this is gross content warning grossness puts like a freezing needle like in the gash the first gash and I just about jump off the table. Right. So yeah. And he's like, like, I need you to calm down and breathe deeply. And I said,
saying calm down. Always Worse. Sure.
It's every time like, jam this needle in my face I wasn't expecting. And I just like I was in so much pain, I reflexively started flapping like my head. I was like, like this, like, I'm sort of smacking my fingers against my palms. And then I spread my fingers apart. And I wiggle them really quickly. And he was just looking at me. And I said, I am autistic. Right? I need to do this to calm down. And he said, Well, I need you to breathe. And I said, I'm going to make noises when I breathe because it helps me calm down. And so I went full. Like I think the technical term is I went full fucking weirdo, is what I did. So I'm like lying perfectly still on this Gurney my pain levels at about eight out of 10 and I'm flapping my hands and spinning my fingers. And I'm breathing like this.
Oh, oh,
like super long breaths. And I look like I know, it's not a good look for me. But at that point, I was survival mode. And I thought yeah, like at the end of it. Like I'm glad I told him like, this is why I am doing this and I need to do this. So if you want me to stop wiggling and screeching like I'm going to need to do weird monster movie moans and flap my hands around. Let me keep my face still my hands are going to be moving and but again, that felt just incredibly vulnerable. To do that I had nobody there to take care of me. Right but I needed to do that. And so I'm proud of myself for saying that I needed to do it and then do it because I honestly don't know how I would have gone through that experience. Yeah, no kidding. Without the flapping and the keening basically, I was like yeah, I was the weird autistic kid that I'm supposedly not like, right? Yeah, well, you're not like those other autistic people flapping in the corner and banging their heads on stuff all moaning Yeah, that was 100% need 100%. And I need to and then, like there was at the everybody just left, right. And I didn't know how to get to the hospital had to get myself out of the hospital. They just like open the curtain and everybody walked away and I thought do I leave now? Right So, like, that's, that's how that went. And it just really made me think about, about who we need to have advocating for us what vulnerability feels like and how our otherness can both help when we are allowed to engage it, but also can divide us from others, like in these moments of medical crisis or social crisis. And I mean, pretty much all of us are in medical or social crisis at this moment, like I won't give details, but I will say, the injury that happened to my face is pretty directly traceable, to lock down right to accrued pandemic nonsense that resulted in the situation being the case such that I wound up with a massive facial injury, right. And none of us are ready to cope with that right now. So I think we all probably have to learn how to deal with our own distress and also how to support others who may be going through it right now without overstepping Jonah mean,
yeah, and even when we come out of all of this, right, like, it'll be, you know, it'll be a, you know, again, a new normal, a new, different, a new, whatever, and we are all, I mean, people have seen it already, right, even over the summer, when, you know, things opened up a little bit more. The lumbers were good and all that, that it's like, people were much more agoraphobic, you were much more, you know, anxious and crowds and having panic attacks. And, you know, that kind of stuff in it. And there needs to be some grace extended. Yeah, in this that it's like, I'm, I'm glad. And I mean, how many people as well, were masking that, right, because they wanted so desperately to return to normal. Yeah, right, where I'm having a panic attack. But I don't want anybody know, I'm having a panic attack. Because, you know, part of me really wants an IV and I actually wrote this the other day, it's like, I'm an extreme extrovert. And I'm in a phase right now where I never want to leave the house. Yeah. Right. That's where we're at. I'm an extrovert, who is just like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to see people. I don't want to like, adjust. You know, and, and I don't like that look for me, right. Like, I don't that's not, that's not who I am. And it's and it's kind of like, again, you know, relearning how to engage with one another.
Mm hmm. And learning how to accept maybe the selves that we've become used to right, like, maybe you're never gonna be exactly the same kind of extrovert you were before. Right, like I've been been writing about? Well, in showing pictures about how like, I'm going to have a new face now. Like, like, it's not a face transplant, but the face that I have now is different than the face that I had before. And it's going to be a bunch of different faces before it settles into what it's ultimately going to look like. And I have to know, I have to get to know that person. Right? Yeah. And maybe you have to get to know, the you who like has a much stronger desire to stay home by herself than you ever had before. And and maybe, you know, the people around us are struggling also, with how they have changed on the inside, right over over this period. And so like, we're not only just not ready to deal with each other, that we may not be all the way cognizant of the ways that we have changed. Yeah, maybe not ready to incorporate that into our self images right now.
Yeah. And I mean, you've had an instance where you've kind of been forced to confront that. Mm hmm. Because the outside changed.
Yeah. Right. And literally don't recognize myself in the mirror the first few days that
like, oh, yeah, no,
I got, yeah.
She she did. And I'll say this, you are also currently teaching a class on selfies. Sure.
Yeah. Of course, or
Yeah, as of course you are. And so you've been you have been working through this and processing it on Instagram and through social media. So it's been really, you know, I've been kind of cheering you along from the sidelines. And, and, and, well, no, I mean, right. Like, it's like she's going through the process, you know, go go go process. And, and also try not to like, again, recommend seven different skin creams for like scarring. Which I've managed?
Well, I will tell you, like, if you're following on Instagram, like you'll see I've got six or seven pictures up over the past week, or six or seven posts that are about different stages of the healing and some posts get more likes and engagement than others. And the most popular one by far is the one that has a before and after, right that has like on the first day of my injury. Look how terrible it was. And now look at me today it's quite a change. And I was like thinking about how my face has healed. I wasn't thinking of it as like a before and after success story, but people love Yeah, overcoming people love like Ed now you're better, right? Yeah, but that was actually not the story. So like, maybe it's something to be attentive to in ourselves as well. Like, Well, you got COVID You like you should be happy? Because now you're not going to get any more. Yay. Right? Would you like but I'm still kind of traumatized by what happened tonight. Yeah, my family is that people don't want to stay in the difficult part, right? Maybe we don't overcome everything. Maybe it's some changes or just neutral, right? Or maybe some changes just happen and it doesn't have like a bow on it at the end, like, and then I, you know, I got cancer and became a better person. Oh, I'm so glad that happened to you like, what? Like, yeah,
well, what I was thinking of that, too, when you were talking about the physic visible physical disabilities, is that, you know, we want to know what happened, let's say, so it doesn't. So we can be reassure ourselves that it's not going to happen eyes. Yeah. Or we want to hear the Triumph story. Yeah. Right. We want to hear about all about how you have overcome whatever it is,
and now things are better than they were
before. And at or that you are triumphant, and that you did not let your disability get in the way of your ultimate success.
That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me when it's over.
Yeah. Yeah. And also so that I don't have to, you know, so that there is also the idea, so I can not accommodate it in others, right. Yeah. Because I knew one person one time who was able to do things without accommodation.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I know this person had a big facial injury. And she was so unashamed of what she looked like, she did a whole Instagram thing about it. You know, your mileage may vary. That I'm not traumatized by the the injuries to my face, right. Just because I'm posting pictures of it. Right. So yeah, yeah, we do love a good story that has a happy ending already. But most people's stories are in process, right? We tend to rush people like, oh, and then they gave you a screen reader. And everything was fine. Right? Right. Oh, you got the diagnosis. Now your medication. Now ADHD isn't a problem in your life anymore. Right. But it's kind of not how it works, right? Oh, well, you know that the marriage wasn't working, and you got divorce and everything's better. Like maybe not, right? It maybe everything is complicated. And we don't have to rush people through to the happy ending that we want them to have, or find a way to blame them for the bad thing that happened to them that we were afraid will happen to us, too. Right? Like, what if we stayed in the mess? How can we do that?
Hey, I always feel like I'm staying in the mess, to be perfectly honest. But that's also just that's the, I think, ADHD brain though, because it's like you're never not. Like, my mind is always in like four different places. Yeah. And so it is simultaneously in often in a very good place, but also still in the mess of the bad place. Right, in terms of trying to try to like, square the circle, like my brain is trying to make sense of the narrative that can be both good and bad at the same time. And
then and later. Yes, yes. The time knife Chiti. We've all seen
it. Yeah, yes, we've seen the time knife and the time knife is, is the mess, right in a certain way for at least not necessarily everyone with ADHD brains, but like, for me, certainly. Not actually. So my essay, I'm going to plug in, I don't usually do it. But um, so my essay that I wrote are composed or created in twine, which is a software that lets you create basically choose your own adventure type stories and love about what it's like to write with ADHD, but also trying to emulate using twine. Yeah, what it's like to try and emulate for the reader or the player. What it's like it came out and I actually, like, I literally talk about this in there about that kind of like you are, you know, like, like a song I was talking about hearing a song and you're simultaneously feel joy because it reminds you a really happy thing and then also really sad because it also reminds you were really shitty thing that happened and like, and then it's both happening at the same time. And then you're also in the present moment trying not to like laugh and or cried in inappropriate time, because it's just a hot song happened to come on the radio and you're driving your kids practice relate, right. And they're like, why is mom weird? You know, and, and, and I'll put the link in the show notes because I think we'll we'll Well, I don't know if enjoys the right word. I thought I've gotten some feedback where people with ADHD found it really difficult. You know, and I was like, yeah, it might be a bit triggering. Um, but, but yeah, so I mean, there is, you know, we were talking about previously, when about, you know, people who are autistic or neurodivergent, you know, blurting things out and they give you the ability to have those kind of awkward conversations because we don't really have that filter. And I think that there's something to be said about being stuck in the mass. Yeah, for better or worse. Mm hmm. Right, in that you know, when you can't see the end of something you have no idea how the happy ending turns out because there's no, there's only there's no one ending to a story. There's only 27 million possibilities that your brain goes through simultaneously.
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
And that's why I mean, and that's the thing that that I'm, you know, that I probably recognize the most in your story in the narration is just like, oh my gosh, and this is what I felt when I saw it, she must have going gone through so many scenarios, right, so many scenarios, and I know how, and and to sit there for two and a half hours. Yeah, with no one there and nothing else to do except go through the scenarios. Yeah. And no food. That's yeah, no food. Oh, my God, I would have, I would have been, I would have been sobbing but anyway, yeah. And I think but I but I think that that's like the kind of that set elements that we bring in being able to have that kind of understanding of that situation of the mess, because we can't not. Yeah, like there's no way to sort of just like, just think positive thoughts. And you're like, Whoa, yeah. That would be just think one positive thought you're like, that's also we're only thinking one thought, like, how does that even work?
Yeah, I don't think boring thoughts, right. Yeah. Right, right. It's like, Yeah, I'll get right on that. Yeah.
I'm like, Who does this work for? Yeah. Like, I'm like naming them and like, but, but again, there's there is that there is that tendency, maybe tendency is the wrong word. But it's, it's that ability. It's that impetus. Is that impulse, it's that compulsion? Maybe that's a better word for for my bizarre is right now, is that compulsion to always be thinking and always been reflecting and always being in seven different temporalities. At once. Yeah. Yeah. Makes it that like, if there's never not the mess, there's never a moment where the mess isn't always just there kind of sloshing around. Because it's like, yeah, I can't let go of things. It's because it's just it. That's where it lives. Yeah,
I guess. Yeah, it absolutely doesn't. And I was, like, I've had 7 million thoughts, like about everything in the last week about what's happened to me. And as I've gone through it, and I can spin out scenarios at incredible rates. But when I deal with them, when I give myself the space to deal with them, they resolve, right. So yeah, I was saying to my husband this morning, I was like I in some ways, like I look at the mirror now. And I look like so much more like myself than I did. Last week that maybe like I'm a little embarrassed that I was making, like such a big deal about all of my complicated feelings, because I don't feel bad anymore. But then I thought no Dum Dum, like the reason like my face healed, because I gave it like, what it needed the ice packs, and then the hot compresses, and then like the stitches and like, that was the physical process I needed to go through. But the emotional process I needed to go through to get to a place where I'm not upset anymore, was having all of those feelings, like at the same time and giving voice to them, like not being, quote unquote, hysterical about it. But when I felt out of control, and very scared, I would say I feel out of control and very scared. And then I would cry for an inappropriate amount of time. And then not
appropriate, inappropriate, appropriate amount of time, the time that I knew this was the amount of time Yeah,
and so here I am, like a week later saying like, Oh, I feel so much better. And I don't have that sort of existential crisis anymore. And I've been working through my trauma of like, the moment of the incident and my face looks better. And I think oh, why was I so melodramatic last weekend, but Well, no, that was my emotional healing process was like naming and claiming the feelings that I was having giving voice to the things that I was afraid about, saying the things that I was feeling, even if they struck other people was weird. Like, I made like aesthetically attractive images of my fucked up face in elaborately staged photo shoots, right, to try to think about what that face means in different kinds of context. Because that's like how I deal with problems, intellectualize them and I is that assigns them and I am an artist and I make art about my problems and it helps me so I wasn't being melodramatic because probably, I would be emotionally a lot more messed up right now, if I had not allowed myself to have that release in the way that I want to in the same way that getting my stitches would have been incredibly much more difficult if I had not allowed myself the physical coping strategies that I needed in that moment. Right. So maybe sometimes, like we feel like I was like super histrionic about that I didn't need to be but maybe it was the histrionics so called, they brought you to the place of calm that you're at and maybe somebody else's histrionics are not going to excel. Rate and enlarge if they give them voice maybe if you can sit quietly with someone who needs to freak out about something. It will pass. Yeah, a storm. Right. Well,
and I think that that makes me think of how many times have I heard and probably you heard in your life, and that has become an internalized narrative that you've just talked about. Don't you feel silly about overreacting the way you did?
Yeah, that's right. That's right. Feel,
you know, like,
CEOs. Dress bad. Yeah.
Don't you feel silly now for being so melodramatic about these things? Don't you? You know, don't you know, you wasted all of that energy?
That's right, or not, and everything turned out fine. Everything
turned out fine. And, and, and I think that that's, I don't want to go so far as to say it's a form of gaslighting because, but it is. But it's not the kind of intentional gaslighting of like, no, lowering the Gaslight every time to
be like, No, I mean, it's a bit of toxic positivity is yes, yeah,
it starts as positivity. But it's also like this. This misunderstanding as you're saying, of the of our, your way to process my way to process they're different. Yeah. And you can't like for me, you know, I again, there was no history Onyx allowed, right, like, we're not allowed histrionics. And so that's where writing came in for me. Yeah, right writing and like I reread some of my writing. I was like, Oh, girl, huh. Yeah, but that was that was the only way I could do it. Because I wasn't allowed to articulate. Or even like, present. Yep. In any sort of way. Yeah. In that in that sort of sense. Right. Which is why, you know, even you saying you cried for an inappropriate amount of time. Yeah. You know, and, and it's fine. Same thing with me being like, COVID. I
don't know. We did everything right. We didn't pick the voices coming from inside your own head. Right. Like, yeah,
yeah. Until you have conversations like this. You don't even realize how deep seated it is. Yeah, right. Because it's like, you know, again, it's, you know, it's a silly example, but I watched I watched in Kanto. Right. I watched it too. Yes. Oh, gosh, talk about like, and I was like, this is generational trauma. Right, right. Like, this generational trauma? And like, sure it is, and then her be over identifying with the main character of like, you're just out, you know,
so you ruin everything.
Yeah, you ruin everything. And like, there's so much different than everybody else. And everybody else is so beautiful and special. And you bring you know, I'm Bruno in the wall.
That's me. By the way, I didn't make your fish die. That wasn't me. Yeah.
But like so basically over identifying and crying the entire movie, right? Like just cried. And of course, my family thinks it's the funniest thing in the universe, right? Because they're like, Oh, God, is Bob crying again? Yeah. No, like, yes. Yes. Mom is having a lot of feelings about this. And you can just leave me the fuck alone about it. Yeah. Cuz like, you know, this is this is how I am, you know, able to process and they're like, you're not enjoying it. I'm like, no, no, I'm enjoying
it. It's just it's a lot. That's right. This is a lot. It's like I cried all the way through frozen to. Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah. The second I cried the entire way through. Yeah, so So people's people's way of enjoying movies can be different, right? people's ways of processing feelings can be different people's ways of dealing with the pain of getting stitches in their face can be different people's feelings about getting COVID can be different. And when we ourselves, don't let ourselves be honest about what we need and how we're feeling it arrests our own healing process. And when people who engage us or when we engage others in a way where we're seeking the happy ending, or we're seeking the closure, or we're minimizing the trauma after the fact because everything turned out fine. We're also diminishing people's opportunities to own the full richness of their own experience. And it's more harmful. Like it's okay sometimes to say like, that was really terrible. Again, there's nothing good that I can say happened through that, and I hope you're okay. Right. But if you're not, that's okay, too. Right. Like, going around like it's okay. To not be okay. And I think we really have to make space for that for people. It's not my happiness. Right. Yeah.
But also understand that there, as you just said, different ways of not being okay. That's right, right. I think we also it's okay, not being okay, as long as you're not okay, in these ways. That's right. And only for this amount of time. Yeah. And only for this amount of time and only, you know, and only in these spaces. That's right, right. It's okay. Not to be okay. But you still have to be on every day for work. It's okay, you know, in terms of that, and so, yeah, I think that that and also, uh, you know, again, going back to even You were saying before of, you know, respecting people's boundaries? Yeah. In that sense as well, is that? You know, not do you. I'm bad at it too. But, but But again, I think that recognition that boundaries will have changed. Yeah. Right. And that maybe a boundary that existed pre COVID or pre trauma. Yeah. Is is different now. Because there was there is a change, and things have changed. And we now have to come to terms with that.
And other people are allowed to have changes, and it's not a threat to us, right? Because so many people need us to feel in a certain way or to manifest in a certain way, because otherwise they feel threatened by it. And I know that we can all be generous people, right? I think we can learn to separate our own anxieties about our mortality, or our children's COVID status or our desire to not like have multiple stitches on our face, we can separate our fear of of those things happening to us, from what the people that we interact with, may be experiencing when those things happen to them. Right now we can find a way to remember that our interactions with others should be mutually beneficial. Not always just self serving, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm tired. Are you tired?
I'm tired. I was tired. When I started this podcast, I
looked a bit tired. I didn't mind.
So I'd and and I've been getting to sleep in this is the worst part. And so now it's like the game right? Is this? You know, I'm not positive for COVID. But people talk about exhaustion being like a kind of long COVID Post COVID thing? Or is it the fact that we're in year two of a visit that I'm about to turn 45? Right, or it's like, I'm about to start my period. So I'm overall exhausted
all the time. And it's probably from any one of a number of terrible reasons that's gonna involve bad outcomes later, which just makes us more tired, because we are worried about it all the time. Yeah. Ooh. But you know, the best part of my day today is coming here and talking to you about all the shitty things that have been happening to both of us. And it makes me feel better to talk with you, Lee. It really does.
It does it SR makes me smile. Oh,
it makes me I would smile bigger if my face is that way. I know. Right now. And I think we're modeling for each other today, how we can listen to other people's experiences and make space for them. And that even talking about terrible things can be a good experience. If people feel listened to and have their boundaries respected
or heard. Hope that people other people get to find that too.
I hope so too. I hope our listeners get to find that.
I hope they find hope you find someone that you find your leader you find your Amy
Yeah. Agree.
Right. Well, with that slightly hopeful note. Slightly hopeful from Amy hope NorSon. We are going to call this an episode. And I am ready writing on Twitter and on Instagram.
And I am Did you want on Twitter and on Instagram? But if you find me on Instagram content warning my face.
Yeah, it's I think it's stunning. But that's, you know,
stunning. I was stunned myself. Well, hold on. Yeah. As it were, like hit on the head with something. Yes, I was. Sorry. When the black face No, no, no, that's
a sorry about that.
There's another graceful ending to another podcast.
As always, you can also email us at all the things ADHD g gmail.com. I would really appreciate it only because the spam emails have gotten worse. And I go in and I'm like, I messages I'm like, I don't care. How do I get off of these lists? herbs that I know
it's all gonna be for scar cream. It's all gonna be for
scar. That's true. It'll probably ready that for now. And you can also DM us on Twitter or on Instagram even or not well me because Amy want to answer that was just fine. And you can also visit our website all the things ADHD calm, I will actually have show notes where I will share the my twine essay.
You all should read it. You should all engage it. You should play it whatever the appropriate verb.
I don't even know what to call it like it's an essay, but it's not. Did you I just want to ask you me because like when I was composing this, I was thinking about audience obviously. And I was like, there's a lot of sounds. Yes. And I was like Amy's
gonna hate me turn the sound off.
Give a warning like do give a warning at the beginning and that was like basically the warning for Amy. Yep, sounds overwhelming. Maybe experience it with the volume off
Universal Design for us. And now Amy is enjoying a greatly silence.
Yeah, yeah, silently because but but yeah, so we will be back next week.
We sure will not go
barring snowstorms or
facial trauma COVID disaster asteroids. Yeah, yeah. Pestilence could be anything
who knows. But we will be we will make every effort to be here this week because next week because this is the highlight of our week and we hope that you enjoyed as well. And with that I will awkwardly and this podcast and
