2022-08-08 Thoughts and Emotions (1 of 5) Rumination

2:55PM Aug 8, 2022

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

thoughts

ruminating

emotions

rumination

careless

thinking

repetitive

person

notice

ways

repeat

body

chew

fantasy

happening

rapids

draining

speak

theme

spinning

So, good day everyone. Being Monday, we begin a new theme for the week. And I'd like to somehow continue with the theme of the general theme of emotions, it's in the background or the backdrop for what this theme is. And so the theme is going to be thinking and emotions, the relationship between our emotional life and our thinking life. Thoughts and emotions go hand in hand. And sometimes I've noticed, maybe myself and then people I've talked to a very strong division between emotions and thinking, sometimes preferring one over the other. But the more that I've meditated, the more I don't, I can't really separate them out completely from each other, that they come together as a piece. Sometimes one stands out more strongly than the other. And sometimes, one seems to be the catalyst for the other. Sometimes thoughts evoke emotions, sometimes emotions arise, who knows why. And in their awake, there come certain thoughts. Sometimes, emotions that we have, are somehow fueling the thoughts we have are fueling the thoughts that we have, sometimes the emotion we have, are giving energy, to the thoughts that we have. So to really be able to kind of get a handle and learn how to be really mindful of the whole process of thinking of emotions, or emotional life, it really helps to take stock of this thinking world and start seeing the connection between the two. And, and today, I want to emphasize the idea that you would study this for yourself, that you would begin during this week to really take good care to notice as you're thinking, what role what relationship? What impact is that thinking? have on your emotional life? And what in return? What impact or role does your emotions have on the thoughts that you have? And for today, I want to talk about one particular kinds of thinking that are very important for some of us to be mindful of, and that is a rumination. And I just love this word, rumination, because of its bovine kind of reference, that cows you know, they do all this grass, then they regurgitate the grass, and then chew it. And so we take and regurgitate these stories, ideas, fantasies, all kinds of things. And, and then we chew on it and chew on it. And this rumination is kind of thoughts turning in on themselves, so that there's kind of a black hole or kind of trapped in them. And so often repair repetitive repeating the same kinds of thoughts over and over again. And not just kind of a idle daydreaming. But rumination is really chewing on something, it's really kind of working something or driving something home. Usually, that's not very healthy for us. That's how at least how I kind of use the term maybe there's other perfectly legitimate ways of refer of using the word rumination. But the idea that we're spinning around, we're caught up in certain thoughts. And this idea of being caught and thoughts and spinning over and over again, is so powerful. That psychotherapist will point out that one of the leading correlates or maybe even causes for depression or is for many people, not everyone is rumination. So how that works is we're telling ourselves a story about how terrible things are, or how frightening and, and maybe telling ourselves how, you know, having self pity thoughts or discouraging thoughts, depressing thoughts,

that things are too hard or terrible things are happening to me and think terrible things do happen to people. But then there's ruminating about it over and over again. That's a very distinct way in which we become a victim. We become a victim of our own thinking their own loops were in. And it might be true. For example, it might be true that I am a in maybe there are certain ways in my life, that I'm careless person. And so it might be true. And the other day, I spilled some coffee on the kitchen floor and didn't notice it and my wife, you know, pointed it out and she cleaned it up. So there's wastage, I'm a careless person. And so I can notice that and so yes, skill, you were careless today. Sometimes you are careless person. And that's it. Or it's like, Gil, you're careless person. People are telling you that this is bad to be a careless person, you're a mindfulness teacher. So you should really know how to be careful and be attentive and not be careless. And it's very important that now all these people know that you're careless. And now it's really bad that you know, I'm such a bad person, I'm a careless person. And it really speaks badly for 4050 years of Buddhist training. And, you know, I'm really, you know, this really, you know, it really casts a very bad light on myself and who I am and my practice and my dedication that I should be accurate, this person. So I should stop no problem. Sure, you're getting tired already. And, but, so the idea being that, that I'm kinda like digging myself a grave, I'm kind of like each of those little second nail in the coffin, like, Oh, I'm so terrible, I'm so terrible, some terrible, and maybe it's like, you know, each one maybe doesn't have a big impact on me. But the continuity of it, the repetition of it just begins to wear me down and kind of drain me and take things out. So that's what I kind of what I'm referring to as rumination, this kind of wearing down to the same message over and over and over again, it might not be so conscious that it's thinking because it might be more of an almost like an attitude, like an emotion. But it is a belief, it is an idea that we have, and we're kind of repeating it so often in the negative quality of it is draining us. So the emphasis I want to make that is in case, there's some truth to this statement, say it once, learn from it, do a course correction, the best you can. But there's no reason there's no requirement as human being to repeat the same thought about yourself over and over and over again. Now, it's very hard to stop doing that, of course. But one of the ways to change the direction of all this is start being cognizant that this is working, recognize how repetitive your mind is, recognize that you're kind of telling yourself the same story, the same message over and over again. And notice the notice the impact, how is this affecting your energy level, your inspiration level? How does it what emotions does it bring? Does it bring fear? And how does it affect your body? Some people who are very very somatic based a lot of bodies life, will can see that as they have certain thoughts, that their body begins to shift and change, certain muscles tighten up and energies in the body shift and change. And so to have thoughts about some frightening thing happened, fantasy or frightening things happening, and fear. feelings in the body are triggered, have thoughts of desire and ruminate about desire and sexual fantasies, and other sensations in the body get aroused, have fantasies and repeat repetition about all the wrongs that had been done. And it starts feeling angry. And maybe wrongs had been done. But to tell yourself story over and over and over again, don't confuse the harm someone else has done with the harm that you're doing to yourself. Because to say angry thoughts to yourself over and over again, or critical thoughts against yourself over and over again, or depressing thoughts over and over again. It's harmful to oneself to do that. And so this is a second arrow that we add.

And so the first arrow was life, and that we can't necessarily control. But we can have some control over the second arrows. So along this line, it's very common for people to say that that meditation teachers like me, that maybe you can't control always control your thinking mind in terms of whether you think or don't think, but what you can do, just like you can control maybe A big wide river. But you can be in the river and find the right place the right current to be in the right place in the river and avoiding the rapids. So we can be in the world of thinking, and make adjustments, get into a different boat on the river of thoughts go into a different current or an eddy. And where it's safe or worse, you know, avoid the whirlpools or the holes that you know the rapids. And so to, uh, to notice that rumination, notice the repetitive thoughts that are maybe sometimes debilitating. And then to just notice that notice how repeat, repeat repeat repetitive they are, you can count them, it's fascinating, start counting how many times you have the same kind of thought, it takes some of the some of the charge or the authority out of them to count them. By the time you get to 300. It's like they don't have so much authority. Or you can see the effect it has on your body on your motions. And you could offer different thoughts, you can consciously begin thinking about something that's more positive, not a fantasy in itself. But something that's true. That's its kind, that's generous, that's soft. And one of the ways to even do it, if you're by yourself, maybe driving or something, rather than ruminating difficult thoughts, is to start talking out loud to yourself in a nice friendly voice. thoughts that are supportive thoughts that are good thoughts about what's coming. And, and because sometimes the, the voice that thinks comes from a different place in our mind than the voice that speaks. And so you're tapping into a different side of yourself when you're speaking out loud. And maybe there's more wisdom, maybe there's more kindness, maybe the more there's more access to a choice of how to be than if you just let your thinking keep going. And, but also start experimenting with shifting what you're thinking about. It might sound artificial, it might sound a little bit forced and effortful. However, it's if it's better than the alternative. Try doing it. If the alternative you've done in long enough of ruminating and spinning and the billet you know, this kind of draining the kinds of thoughts. Maybe, you know, those are the ones who should be questioned that they're artificial. Those are the ones who should question about, you know, how much energy we're going into them. So you might try to offer an alternative. consciously choose what you think, and think good things. This is not meant to be pollyannish. It's not meant to be an antidotal thinking necessarily. It's not meant to be pretending or that everything is fine. It could be very realistic thoughts about what's happening, it's those sees reality what's happening directly and right in the eye. But that meets it and thinks about it in wise ways and kind ways, supportive ways, compassionate ways. Ways that maybe you would imagine. So the Buddha would speak or the way that some wonderful person that you know, wise kind person that you inspired by how they might speak about the situation. So this is this is what I'm offering today requires some mindfulness. But it is a practice that's kind of different than mindfulness. But I'm hoping that this investigation in this kind of practice of thinking in new ways, will be a tremendous support for your ability to be mindfully present. If something can settle, the rumination can settle. And you can be inspired by a different way to go forward. So I hope that you find a way to enjoy this and,

and take up the challenge. If you're one of those people who might ruminate in ways that are not useful for you. And and if you're not one of those people, then tomorrow we'll take the world of thinking from a different angle. Thank you