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2024-10-20-DK | Otter.ai

2024-10-20-DK

John Pulleyn42min

Dhara Kowal

00:02

This is Sunday, October 20, 2024 and first I want to welcome everyone from yesterday's workshop. This morning, I'm going to talk about cynicism.

Dhara Kowal

00:28

There's a branch of philosophy that's called cynicism that dates back to ancient Greece, the cynics, as they were called, rejected the pursuit of power and wealth, and they also rejected following social norms and etiquette. They saw all of that as pointless and infringement upon individual freedom. And interestingly, the word cynic in Greek translates to mean dog, and the sentence they were called dogs because they were attempting To live completely free and without shame.

Dhara Kowal

01:41

A dog doesn't think about right and wrong. A dog doesn't care about what you think about. So there is this kind of overlap between Buddhism and cynicism when it comes to loosening the hold of attachments. That's one kind of a cynicism, but I want to talk about a different sense of it today, and that is cynicism as a mind state that undermines our capacity to be present and also to feel empathy. There are a number of traits that are associated with a cynical mind set, and it is a mindset because it involves a certain kind of attachment to a narrative about other people and the world, and that narrative sent centers on mistrust. The world is a bad place, and it's full of bad actors.

Dhara Kowal

03:21

You might think of the SNL character, Debbie downer, who spewed negativity and dragged everyone down with her. What distinguishes a cynic is that they put up a shield by clinging to this idea that people in general are untrustworthy, selfish, greedy. These are actually among the forms of delusion that the Buddha recognized, and through zazen practice, we aspire to see through

Dhara Kowal

04:15

and from the vantage point of what the Buddha taught. Unless you're fully enlightened, you've got some degree of ego delusion. It's a product of human conditioning.

Dhara Kowal

04:41

And even though we all have some degree of delusion, doesn't change who we are fundamentally, fundamentally, from the very beginning we. Every single one of us, no matter who we are, where we're from, what our shortcomings or past misdeeds may be. Fundamentally, we all share in this one single mind that is pure, clear and free, free from obstructions and and it's zazen that helps us to uncover this one mind, especially when we sit daily And we we can really develop this capacity to notice habits of thought and then all the sooner we can turn our attention back to the present, back to this right here. Not get trapped in thoughts and judgments,

Dhara Kowal

06:33

not put up a shield that assumes the worst intentions in other people, and not see yourself in opposition to the world.

Dhara Kowal

06:55

Before I get more into what cynicism is I want to distinguish it from depression and skepticism. They're very different, and this is a distinction that's made by a prominent researcher. His name is Jamil Zaki, and he studies cynicism as a common, very common, social phenomenon. He's a professor of psychology at Stanford University and director of the social neuroscience lab there, and he recently came out with a book titled hope for cynicism, the surprising science of human Goodness. So unlike cynicism, depression is a medical condition. It does involve some symptoms that that overlap with cynicism, such as irritability, feeling hopeless, but the root cause of depression is not a belief. It's not a theory about the nature of other people and the world. Cynicism, on the other hand, is just that. It's a mental construct okay? And then there's skepticism. Skepticism is also different from cynicism, because it involves questioning assumptions and looking at evidence, seeing what's there, which is a good thing to do say when we're deciding on who to vote for or what model of car to buy. So it's more like a scientific view. So we're not just taking at face value what is said. But unlike cynics, skeptics approach the world with an open mind, like a scientist, they will change their mind based on the evidence that they observe. But not so with cynics, it's just the opposite. They're narrow minded because they hold on to their suspicions and negativity and. Even when there's no evidence, Jamil says that it operates as a kind of default default mode, such that whenever you meet somebody new, say, it's a new co worker at work. You assume from the very start that they have ill intentions.

Dhara Kowal

10:40

It doesn't matter that they haven't done anything or said anything offending. That's the assumption that you start with. And Jamil also says that you can identify cynicism in people's verbal and non verbal cues. Some examples he gives are not making eye contact, being overly critical and quick to assign blame, sarcasm, passive aggression,

Dhara Kowal

11:27

also avoidance altogether, and those on the receiving end can pick up on it, and when you do, you're not likely to end up trusting that person, so you end up basically reciprocating with the same feeling of mistrust. And that's how cynicism can be contagious. If you're not willing to trust me, I'm not willing to trust you. And so it turns into this kind of self fulfilling prophecy, and it can happen on a much larger scale, as in whole groups of people not trusting one another. Whole nations think you have the Israelis and Palestinians, and it can turn into a doom loop. So Jamil zakis research really shines the light on the consequences of cynicism for relationships, not just individuals and groups, but entire societies. It can spread within a family, among friends, within a workplace. And what got me into this topic in the first place was noticing how much mistrust and anxiety there is right now around the upcoming presidential election. I have family members and friends who span the political spectrum, as we do in our Sangha, and They're feeling we're feeling the political vitriol that's circulating, and we can feel it on a deeply personal level.

Dhara Kowal

14:14

From the cynical point of view, doesn't matter who you're going to go vote for, doesn't matter who's going to win, whether you identify as right or left, somewhere in between. Doesn't matter if you're apolitical or you've resigned to not voting, regardless of your opinion about the candidates, about our electoral system, there's this sense of impending doom and. Now there are terms to describe it, terms like election anxiety and election stress disorder, yeah, these are not conditions recognized by the medical community, but they do reflect a social phenomenon that's happening right now. And the anxiety is really, that is there is really an anxiety about change, and uncertainty. Ordinarily, we tend to view change, societal change, along with changes in the natural world, as something external to us, beyond our control, as if the things happening in the external world are just bearing down upon us, and as if Our reaction to it has nothing to do with what's going on in the inner world of thoughts. Aside from election anxiety, there are all kinds of other forms of anxiety that we associate with external conditions, climate change, distress about the impact it will increasingly have on our way of life, war, anxiety about the instability in the world order, extreme weather, hurricanes, tornadoes, and then the spread of contagions like COVID and monkey pox. The world can seem like a very scary place.

Dhara Kowal

17:38

It can seem like there are a lot of threats out there a lot of dangerous people, and we can come up with all these worst case scenarios to dwell upon, Even conspiracy theories like the recent one about hurricanes being created and controlled by the government, which actually resulted In death threats to meteorologists.

Dhara Kowal

18:21

This is a form of human suffering, clinging to our theories and ideas about others and the world, and yet today, generally speaking, the world is actually a much less violent, much safer place than it was, than it than any time in recorded human history. On the whole, we humans are much better off than we were 1000 years ago, or a decade ago, five years ago. And although this is the truth, and there's plenty of evidence to back it up, it doesn't reflect how a lot of people feel. How people feel is more reflected in the sensationalism and the drama that's playing out in the media, the divisive speech of politicians and also with within the circle of family, friends, co workers, the people we surround ourselves with on a daily basis.

Dhara Kowal

19:58

Turns out that. It in the process of human evolution, we've evolved to have what's called a negativity bias, meaning that we tend to feel to feel negative events and thoughts more intensely than we do positive ones, and because We feel negative stuff more intensely, regardless of the evidence, it's more likely to shape our thoughts and behavior, and we're hardwired this way because it was anxiety and fear that enabled us to survive as a species in the first place, it really served us well in keeping us safe from potential threats like hostile clans or dangerous animals and and not paying attention to those potentially bad things was truly a matter of life and death.

Dhara Kowal

21:36

So even though the world is a lot better off today, generally speaking,

Dhara Kowal

21:48

and we don't have to deal with anything at the level that our ancestors did. That negativity, the negativity bias can still kick in.

Dhara Kowal

22:12

We can see Zen practice as a kind of antidote to it. It's a method of settling and purifying the mind, continually bringing our attention back to this, back to the present, to what we're experiencing right now

Dhara Kowal

22:56

and in the course of practice, over time, we can get better. We cannot. We can get better at being more present and letting go, letting go of thoughts and judgments, right and wrong, this and that, good and bad. You.

Dhara Kowal

23:25

We can get better at allowing ourselves to experience life, not think it, but experience it directly, purely As it is, with pure awareness, with equal mind and

Dhara Kowal

24:09

a few weeks ago, there was a hidden brain podcast that really shined a light on our inclination toward negativity, and it featured the researcher that I previously mentioned, Jamil Zaki.

Dhara Kowal

24:39

I found that learning about the workings of the human brain, how it helps us in some situations and gets us in trouble in others, can really put into perspective what Buddhism has been saying. All along for nearly 3000 years, and it can also help us to not personalize thoughts, not beat ourselves up about having thoughts, about having a functioning brain. So if you've been blaming yourself for intrusive thoughts, you can relax. It's not you, and it's nothing personal, but what you do about it is all you we do have a choice. We can live our lives through the filter of thoughts, cut ourselves off from life as it is, or we can do this practice, give ourselves to it for the sake of opening up, and not just for ourselves, but for the people in our lives, the people we have yet to meet, for all beings,

Dhara Kowal

26:39

you might say, Well, I'm not good at it. I'm not good at this practice. There's too much noise going on in my head, and that's a cynical attitude directed at oneself. And to that, I would say, Well, you just demonstrated that the practice is working, because you just demonstrated that you're noticing the thoughts.

Dhara Kowal

27:18

We can't let go of thoughts, actually, until we notice that they're there in the first place. So that's the process working, and we need to trust that process and trust ourselves, trust that surely the doing it is all that matters.

Dhara Kowal

27:46

So that's another sense of cynicism we can consider, not just in the context of our relationships with others in our world view, but also from the angle of how we judge ourselves, self and other are not two. So chances are, if you're cynical about other people, you're probably also cynical about yourself, overly critical about yourself and your practice and all of that is just a bunch of thoughts.

Dhara Kowal

28:35

And actually, thoughts are truly the one thing, the one thing that we should not put our trust in. They're not reliable. We all know that we have evidence. We all, I'm sure, have had experiences where our thoughts led us astray.

Dhara Kowal

29:14

We wouldn't be here doing this practice if we didn't sense that to some degree, our life is being restricted, limited by our attachment to thoughts and it

Dhara Kowal

29:45

just like the cynics of ancient Greece.

Dhara Kowal

29:54

So let's turn to this hidden brain episode of. I've picked out a couple excerpts from it. It's titled fighting despair, and it starts off with the host Shankar vedantam, describing in very vivid terms how cynicism separates us, both individually and collectively. Okay, so this is Shankar a few short years ago. If you needed to buy something, you would take a walk down to a court, to a corner shop or go to a mall. If you wanted to watch a movie, you went to a theater on nights you didn't want to cook, you stepped out to a restaurant. Shopping, entertainment and dining brought us into contact with other people waiting in line at checkout or standing in a crowded bar, we encountered a wide spectrum of humanity. Nice people, mean people, boring people. Today, many of us choose convenience and comfort over connection. Need something from the grocery store. Plug your order into your phone. Want to see a movie. Fire up Netflix on your computer. Need to check in on friends. Hop on Instagram. You can pay someone to walk your dog or stand in line for you at a concert. Dating apps allow you to check out potential mates from the safety of your couch. Why go out when you can order in sometimes? Time ago, the food delivery app seamless launched an ad campaign plastering signs all over the New York City subway in bright colors with big yellow font. The ads read over 8 million people in New York City, and we help you avoid them all. Then he says, How do we get here? When did the world become a place where friendship meant liking a photo? We are all born with eyes filled with wonder, we play, we laugh, we seek out friends, but at some point this changes. We erect defenses against the world. We pull back from strangers, we retreat into ourselves. And of course, to retreat into ourselves is to retreat into thoughts, thoughts about ourselves and others and the big, scary world. And then here's what Jamil says in in his interview with Shankar about how cynicism erodes trust, cynical people tell a story full of villains and then end up living it. And this is really useful, actually, for things like totalitarian regimes. One view of cynicism is often, well, it might not feel good, but it's moral, it's good for us or right for us to pay attention to injustice. And I certainly wouldn't disagree with that, but it's also true that cynics foreclose on the possibility of anything better, and when you lose faith or hope that things could get better, you stop trying. So in that excerpt, he's he's commenting on the association of being cynical with being smart or clever, having a sophisticated, enlightened view of injustice, as If cynicism were the opposite of being naive or gullible, but in fact, he says to be cynical is to be gullible because you're relying on a mental construct instead of impulsively trusting people. People, you're impulsively mistrusting them, and this works out great for totalitarian regimes, because so called strong man leaders give the impression of being in control over an otherwise dangerous and chaotic world. So the corrective that Jamil proposes is to become what he calls a hopeful skeptic. And this is how he defines it. The idea of hopeful skepticism is twofold. One, it's being open to evidence the way that scientists are. But two, it's understanding that our default is relatively negative and often too negative. We often miss the goodness in others, even when it's there so hopeful skepticism is an openness to the world that is complemented by the idea that, hey, people are probably better than I think, and if I pay attention, pleasant surprises might be everywhere. So what he's saying is that in order to be open to the goodness of others and the goodness that does exist in the world, in order to see beyond our habitual, cynical negative thoughts. We need to first recognize that thoughts are not reliable, and then we need to pay attention to what is and

Dhara Kowal

37:03

to experience, direct experience, that's our evidence. It's not facts and figures and research findings, but what's right in front of us. You

Dhara Kowal

37:32

in this interview, Shankar also asks Jamil about his research on empathy, and that's because it's difficult to feel empathy, it's difficult to be kind, to have compassion for others, To see goodness when we're relying on negative thoughts. And here's what he says about that, in my lab, we study kindness and generosity and empathy, and one of the things that we find is that you often imagine that kindness is sort of a transfer. I do something for you. You feel better, and maybe I pay a cost. Maybe I'm more tired or sadder after listening to your hardships, or maybe I give you money, and now I'm broker. It turns out, though that everyday acts of kindness are one of the best ways to improve our own well being. But it matters why you do it. I think that many of us can act kindly in a cynical way. You help a friend move because you owe them or because you feel like you have to. And it turns out that when you act kindly from a place of cynicism that doesn't help you at all, acting kindly only helps our well being when we do so from a place of compassion and genuine connection. And then a bit later, he adds, if you treat life as an exchange, then you can benefit in that setting. But so much of what matters most in life is what can't be counted. It's the relationships and community that we have just for the sake of it, and when you act even kindly, but from a calculating place, in other words, a place of self interest and gain, when you. Do that you deprive yourself of that feeling, that feeling of community that I think is so fundamental to who we are as a species and to what allows us to flourish. You.

Dhara Kowal

40:26

So in Zen terms, we can say that a cynical mindset deprives us. It deprives us from experiencing intimacy

Dhara Kowal

40:47

the intimacy of no self, the intimacy of not knowing, being completely open to what is rather than what we imagine it to be. And through through practice, we each have the capacity to actively choose where we place our attention, where we put our trust. Do we put our trust in thoughts, in certain beliefs and feelings and stories that we think somehow will protect us, protect us from what and at what cost?

Dhara Kowal

42:02

What happens when we drop our defenses and our habitual reactivity? What happens? What new possibilities might open up.

Dhara Kowal

42:33

The only way to find out is to find out for yourself and I

Dhara Kowal

42:48

will stop now and recite the four vows i.

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