All fans, supporters, I wanted to give you all just sort of a, a snapshot
I'm live welcome the unknown packers podcast. And for those of you that don't know me, I'm Bryce Christiansen. And for those that do know me, it's good to see all of you again. Good to see all of you again, you might be wondering, I mean, especially for those that have been following the unknown packers podcast, since its inception back in 2017. And then our abrupt stop back in, I believe, the beginning of November. So it's been about a two month hiatus. And this episode is me talking about that abrupt ending. We talking about a lot of things and moving forward, we'll see what happens. But I wanted to give you all for new fans, and old fans, supporters, I wanted to give you all just sort of a, a snapshot, into my mind into things that have been going on things that I've been thinking about. And this is going to be a new format. And my hope is that moving forward, I'll, we'll see. We'll see. I'm a believer in one day at a time. And instead of saying for those that know, and those that don't know, what I will say is, um, so I've been recovering alcoholic for going on three years, it'll be three years, February 4. And I started this podcast in 2017. And it's five years, we've been doing this, there's just been a lot of change. How the podcast came to be is not really what I had envisioned. And to be honest, when you're looking at 2022 right now. We thought we'd be living this life right now. And when I decided to take a break and a half a hiatus, I had informed Ken Engels and Knievel's who were the CO hosts, that I needed to take a break. And my hope was that, that that could continue on without me until I would come back. And I'll be honest, when I decided to pull the plug and take a break a hiatus, I told a couple people that I don't think I or I didn't think I would ever record again. I was hanging up my cleats, if you will. And so now, I'm back. I'm back. Don't call it a comeback. But I've been wrestling with a lot of stuff up here and here. And I'm sure all of you have as well with this pandemic. Now with the Omicron. And this, I'm not going to talk about the variant in the pandemic, but it had a profound impact on me, and I'm sure it has a profound impact on everyone across the globe. For me, I will say that I have just decided or I decided to excavate more. And I decided to lean in a little bit more on the discomfort of me, and my journey. And I've always just been a lifelong learner, I've always put myself under the microscope. And I've always just tried, or I should say I am focusing on always just trying to get better. With my relationships with my friendships, who I hang out with. How do I spend my time? And for a while the podcast, it was a chore. And I'm sure you know, just like anything. I mean, it is its work. And when I decided to start this podcast back in 2017 I take I'm gonna lean back a little bit. When I when I decided to do this podcast back in 2017 My mindset was so different. I was drinking. I was drinking heavily. I was really involved in beer trading, the New England style IPAs FOMO, the the latest greatest beer release and little did I know that I would it was a slippery slope into you know alcoholism and I'd always known that I had Very interesting relationship with
alcohol. And coming from a long line of alcoholics on both my parents side, I sort of was proud that I can handle my drinking. And in a state like Wisconsin drinking is a birthright, especially going to Lambeau Field, especially going to Green Bay. It's a birthright. It's what you do. And I bought into that. And so, I'm sharing this right now, because when I started this podcast in 2017, compared to now I'm a totally different person. Initially, the whole point of starting the podcast was for me and Jeremiah Wayman, my other brother from another mother, the original co host, was really just to get together drink beers and talk about the Green Bay Packers. We did that at Black Husky brewing, that they became our unofficial sponsors. And every week, every Wednesday, I and my at myself and Jeremiah would record in the brewery and got to the point where I was drinking every day, I was hungover and it was affecting my marriage, it was affecting my friendships, it was affecting my work. And marriage is obviously the most important thing, but more importantly, around the same wavelength as my marriage, my relationship with me. And I've it I never really thought about where I'd be right now, to be honest, I contemplate suicide a couple times. When I was younger, when my parents were getting divorced, or even before my parents got divorced, I grew up in a household that I, I was physically and psychologically abused. And it got to the point where I thought this was my life. Like, every day, I'm going to be psychologically abused or physically abused when, and it got to the point where I didn't want to live anymore. And I contemplated suicide a couple times, and then my parents got divorced. And then my life got better. So it seems but those scars, those bruises, they, they state. And, but the one thing, you know, throughout my entire life is I've always been a Green Bay Packers. And I'll talk a little bit more about how I became a fan and my relationship with my father, which we have an estranged relationship. I'll talk about that a little bit more. But when I started to drink heavily, and really getting into the craft beer scene, there were moments where I blacked out, and I'd wake up the next day, and there'd be a noose. not proud of it, you know, but, and then there would be moments where it's in the news to be, you know, a belt or something like that. And it sort of happened a little bit more frequently. And I got caught by my wife. And the next day, my wife had said, to remember what happened last night. And I, you know, it was blurry, it was spotty. And she was like, you wrapped a belt around this pipe downstairs, and I saw it, like, what were you doing? And, you know, at that moment, I knew, like I was either gonna die by my own hands. Or I needed to get help. And there are a lot of people that have gone to rehab that have done a lot of different things.
For me, I I knew I needed help, I knew I needed to stop, but
I continue to drink a little bit. And it was just moments of blacking out and driving drunk and all this other stuff that if I became emotionally just drained. After the Super Bowl, I think it was the rams and the Patriots. I made a complete ass of myself at my wife's company party, blacked out all the stuff, said some awful things to her. And I woke up the next day just hungover and covered in piss and vomit and I realize I was there. And miraculously, I quit so far. And I promise I'm gonna this will be a little bit more lighter, but I want you all to know, like me, and how this ties into you abrupt ending of the unknown packers podcast back in November. And so I quit drinking in 2019. And what I started to realize were all these emotions, all this trauma that I had just buried away, that I drank away. All these interactions that I had, I always wanted to be liked. I wanted to be a people pleaser. And I'm still dealing with that pleasing people. And I don't want to like start being a dick to people, but I want to stop just pleasing people for the sake of pleasing people. Being nice, I want to be kind to people always. But who do I interact with? How do I spend my time? Are the people that I spend my time with? Do they care about me? Is it a two way street? I'll say for a while, I haven't really felt that. And that's something that I've been focusing on more and more. And the how the podcast was was, it was going to be me and Jeremiah, we drink beers. We talked about the Green Bay Packers. And I got it in my head that we were going to be the best podcast ever. We're gonna compete with cheese said TV pack de blah, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. And I want to say package a podcast. They started right around the same time that we started. And and that is dangerous. When you start chasing that carrot that's dangling in front of you, you start doing things, not for you, but for others, or you do it for your ego. And that's something that I also was struggling with. Will I come back and record again, will I do a podcast again? Because there's an egotistical nature to podcasting. Like listen to me talk, which I'm doing right now. But what I decided was that I it can be cathartic, it can be therapeutic. And it could be hobby for me, if I can go back to the basics of what I want to do. And I honestly want to talk about my life. I want to talk about things that are going on and I want to talk about the Green Bay Packers. It's not going to be a Green Bay Packers podcast. That'll be you know, the essence which is sort of contradictory but I want to talk more about my journey and hopefully it helps others so I want to be a service to other people and I want and so you know I'm jumping around but and once the podcast started gaining some attention we started getting some more views and stuff was getting exciting and we and Jeremiah had had a kid and then he couldn't record as much so then I started posting by myself and and which is great. You know I love Jeremiah love his family. This kid QB one Auggie. And that's that's what happens life. But then I started going outside of like what it was supposed to be just talking about the Green Bay Packers, and just having a good time. And then it got into a business of a podcast production company, all this stuff and sort of bringing team members on that. It was more of like, how many likes see how much attention can I get unknown packers podcast are going to be the next biggest thing and starting to compete with a cheesehead TV and all that other stuff. And that's where I lost sight of why I started the podcast to begin with. And what's interesting is, you know, five years ago to now, I still want to talk about the Green Bay Packers, but I want to do something different. And so we'll see what happens moving forward. But I needed to get this off my chest has been bothering me because I pulled the plug abruptly. And I was hoping to make
you know, come back and record again with the guys. And I needed to take time. And so once we grew the team, and then it didn't really gel either team members left or we let go of team members, it was just myself and Knievel's. And then we brought on kennings Ken was an original fan of the unknown packers podcast and that's how we connected on Twitter. And can being the brilliant mind and also getting along with him. I wanted him to be a part of the podcast. And this was all during the pandemic. And the pandemic really helped me distract, right I should say, helped me. I was distracted. I was allowed to be word of mouth that It distracted me from what was going on. And every day of sobriety At least for me, is an opportunity to grow and heal. Like why did I? Why did I drink in the first place? All that stuff? Why did I drink to heal. And what I realized is I transfer, I transfer the alcoholism to the podcast, and that became my new addiction and who was going to be the next guest. And we were, we were going to be this next Grace thing. And we're just going to keep on compounding. And I lost sight of myself and my journey. And that's what I meant, like in the beginning is like, that was the most important thing, or is the most important thing is my mental health and my wellness. And I used to think that was selfish. And there's this quote that I stumbled across by the great McConaughey reconnaissance is by being selfish, you can then be selfless. And that really stuck with me, like by. And it's not by being being greedy, being arrogant, pompous, or anything like that. But by taking care of oneself, you can then be of a service to others, and be more present. And that's what I've been focusing on more. So I pulled the plug in November, after, really, I would say about nine months to maybe a year of it just being a chore. My heart wasn't in it, my mind wasn't in it. But I love talking with needles, and I love talking with Ken. But it did feel different. I'll be honest, I didn't feel like myself. I felt like every time we recorded like I had to prep I had to structure I had to do all these things. And then it was like we had to get guests. And then that became a chore. And granted, it's not easy doing a podcast, but I want the podcast to be a creative outlet for me. I want it to be a hobby. And so when I pulled the plug, the goal was just let's see what happens. And let's hope that you know Naples and Ken can carry on. And after a couple weeks, Knievel's approached me and said like, can't host and we should pull the plug. Never. But again, I get it. You know as being the host for five years, I get it when the host steps down. It's tough. And with the pandemic and everything. political climate climate in general.
Everyone's stressed out, people are checked out. I don't want to check it. This is the world we're living in. And I'm going to navigate that.
And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. And that's the journey that I've been focusing on. And so
you know, I'm so grateful for what this podcast has given me the last five years. And I met incredible people like Knievel's and can. And you might be wondering, like, Well, why don't you come back and record an episode with all three of them. I needed to do this for me. I needed to like talk to you all. And that's why I'm doing it differently right now is like I'm doing a YouTube Live, that I'm then going to edit and produce and put it up on all the other podcast platforms. And then I'm also going to interpret into ASL. And so with the podcast, I never thought I'd be coming back. But it's interesting, like how I talked about I want to interact with people that like I feel like are cut from the same cloth. And I've been really searching for them lately. And I have an incredible wife who stuck by me. And the one thing that I'm so grateful for is that I had an opportunity to reconnect with her fall in love with her again. And so, while my relationship with myself and my mental health is important, that's paramount. And I wanted to take some time to kind of just sit back and not have to worry about every single week recording, promoting pumping whites follows bla bla bla bla bla So right now I've got a case of the I don't give a fuck. And that's not about like checking out of life and all that stuff, but I don't give a fuck anymore about whether or not people enjoy this podcast. So worried about like what do people want to hear? In granted the audience like they're the reason why podcasts are successful. Moving forward. I want this podcast to be an opportunity just to reflect. Talk about stuff
And of course, we'll talk about the Green Bay Packers Packers fan door, it's your robotic. So I probably glossed over some stuff. But I started doing the podcast for other people and competing the rat race.
It's so fucking nausea. And now you go on Twitter, and it's just an echo chamber. And everyone that's tweeting stuff out. It's not authentic. I mean, there's some people like some accounts that's authentic, again, angles, like that's authentic, like that salary cap, that stuff is real. But for a lot of like, stuff that like I see on Twitter, it's regurgitation. It's someone seeing something else and then twisting it around and then posting it and seeing how many likes they get and all that stuff. And so I needed to check out because for five years, that's all consuming was, how to get more followers, how to get more likes, how to generate more listens and downloads and all that stuff. And I don't want to do that anymore. So the case of the I don't give a fuck. So I'm going to talk about my musings on life, Current Affairs, mental health addiction, and I'm going to talk a little bit about the Green Bay Packers, it's not gonna be a stat dome, sadly, the x's and o's and break they might maybe. But I just wanted to have an opportunity to just open up in and talk with you all. And there's a sign in American Sign Language of doing this. And so open up your heart, it's, you know, putting your heart out there and being open. And for the longest time, I just lied to people. Internally, I just was miserable. And this goes back to you know, my childhood growing up is that I never healed, I thought I healed but I never really truly healed. And what this pandemic has allowed me to do is it's slowed me down. And it's made me look in and there's been so much change within me personally, obviously, like what's going on, but there's been so much change. And for a while was overwhelming. And I was just white knuckling it trying to get through trying to keep up with two businesses. I have brace Christiansen interpreting. And I have played by play sports interpreting PSP sports interpreting and accessibility services. My relationship with my wife, friends, and family. And the podcast just became something that was annoying for me. Which I'm sure like for like nibbles. And Ken, if you're listening, I'm sorry. I really, really am. And had nothing to do with you. It was more of just like how I lost myself. And so now I just want to get back to the roots of why I started this podcast was just to talk about the Packers. But now I'm realizing because about a month ago, I was on this pap podcast called allied ANSYS accessibility podcast. And they were talking about my work with the Milwaukee Bucks and PSP sports interpreting, and I sort of threw a curveball and got real deep and talk in raw and honest about my upbringing. And how I was my dad's caretaker essentially, like I was my dad's interpreter, like growing up, that's what I did. I was his, I was his key to the hearing world. And for those that don't know, my father's deaf, and he's been in and out of prison. And for my safety, my family safety. I haven't seen him in over a decade. And for a while, I always thought like I was okay, and really the pandemic and then also sobriety. And being real clear. Not fun, not smoking weed or doing being really clear head and this escapism. And so what I've noticed more and more are these just thoughts would crop up. And rather than run away or anything like that I leaned in and that's when like I realized I needed to take a break. And so for the past two months, I've been healing more so and I think I've come out the other end. better, more well rounded, more subjective. I'm gonna definitely focus on how do I occupy my time? How do I spend my time? Who do I hang out with? You know, one of the things, one of the knocks, if you will, is
I've always been concerned, like a Pollyanna, this eternal optimist, and I do have optimistic. But I realized, like how optimistic I was, because I was ignoring like, what was truly going on. And so this pandemic really allowed me to lean in and heal and get better. I had an awful, awful childhood. And before I would never even think about talking about that with anyone, ever. And this podcast, Ally podcast. It felt good. And once that released, and once I realized, I actually enjoyed talking like this, I enjoy. And as I'm like, looking because I've got the webcam, and then I'm looking down at YouTube. So you're like, I'm looking down at you. But it's, that's where I started to think, hmm. It can still be cathartic. And it can still help me, and then maybe a little help ups. So moving forward, we'll see. We'll see what this whole, like, I'm going to commit to every week episode, because if not, I'm going to lose some followers, I'm going to lose some listeners. Oh, no. I'm done with that. Done with that. And for those people that are into that, you know, to each their own and more power to you. And by all means, like, this is my journey. But it just, it became cringe worthy. It just I just felt like every time I recorded, I was being fake. I couldn't tell you all was really going on about like, because it was a Green Bay Packers podcast, I could tell you what was really going on. Like how I want to like talk about the Green Bay Packers. Because I work in professional sports. And I want people to respect me. And then I started thinking about like, Well, why can't I? Why can't this be an extension of PSP sports interpret. So that's the goal. I'm going to do these episodes, and then I'm going to interpret it, interpret them into ASL. And it will be an extension of PSP sports and triple C's. So so that's a little bit about me, and, and I'm going to still talk about stuff, you know, I, there's going to be an overall overarching theme about my childhood and, and, you know, my relationship with my father, my mental health, my addictive personality. And when I quit drinking, you know, it was I couldn't go to black husk anymore. And not that, like they weren't welcoming. It, just things change. You're different. Things are different. And there was a lot of shame, a lot of shame, out of fucking shame. And it doesn't matter what people say to you, my wife was so supportive, is supportive. And my wife still drinks I mean, she's not a raging alcoholic or anything like that. And like, okay, so like, what's our marriage, like, now that like, because we used to do everything, you know, brunches, like, everything revolved around drinking. And much like Wisconsin culture, everything revolves around drinking. And so how, like, there was a time where I was like, Do we like each other, we can't get along because I'm different.
And thankfully, we've come out the other end stronger. That's something that I kind of get emotional, but something that I cherish, and I'm so so grateful. That were, you know, we're 60s and we're still going strong and
but again, one day at a time. And that's what I want to focus on is one day at a time and, and who do I hang out with? And how do I spend my time? My friends, I've said that over and over again. And it wasn't until a few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. We went to high school together we ran cross country together, reconnected and we actually like we're into the whole beer drinking or craft beer drinking all that stuff. Ben Lennox cheese, curd sports on Twitter. And we were talking a couple weeks ago. We're watching the Badger bowl game and He had asked me like, Hey, why did you stop doing the podcast and I just told him like, you know, I can't talk about the Green Bay Packers away. I want to talk about the Green Bay Packers because I'd like to work with the Green Bay Packers. And I want to work with other sports teams outside of just the Milwaukee Bucks. And Aaron Rodgers is a part owner of the Milwaukee Bucks so I'm not going to talk about my true feelings or opinions. Because I want people to respect me and then he cut right through it in he talked about this episode. I think it was the last episode that I did with Ken angles. Or maybe it was Knievel's I can't remember. But how we how I talked about going to Lambos sober and it was a Washington football team game and I talked about my buddy Chris, who sits next to me and Lambo who was a huge unknown packers podcast fan and in the back of my mind, I've always just felt bad because he told me like every week I tune in to you I get to stay connected to you and that meant a lot and then I pulled the plug in I cut the cord because that's all mental health and that's how anxiety and depression work for me. I have to I have to just fucking step away but Lenny beadlocks calm Lenny was like you have no idea you talking about being sober at Lambeau Field coming from where used to drink all the time at Lambeau Field and get fucked up and all this stuff and now you're sober at Lambeau Field and talking about that perspective and how much I might share my story impacted him and that was the seed that was the seed that was planted and from there I've just been thinking about okay, if I make a comeback sounds so arrogant I make a comeback but if I come back and do this podcast things are going to be different and I don't know like we'll have some guests I want to get Lenny on here because one of my closest friends and we've really reconnected in the past and but what he said to me really meant a lot it made me think about how I I like to tell stories so being a storyteller but telling stories can help other people and also like being a you know, killing two birds with one stone like selfishly speaking like it can also help me process things and it's so weird you know me approaching three years now I'm such a different fan than I used to be and and you know I love the Green Bay Packers I always will and I do miss like getting into that you know that the shenanigans and approve Haha, I do miss that. But I tell you what, I won't change what I have right now. How I think how I act, how true I am to myself and how true I am to others. I'm still working on that being more authentic be more transparent up front with people so just people pleasing. I don't want this person to hate me so I'm just gonna do whatever they want to do so they don't add don't with that so I want to thank Lenny Ben Lennox for sharing that story it really because I was done. I told people like I'm done to the podcast and I could tell that they were like man I you know I could hear it in their tone that I obviously but they missed the podcast which again like I felt like alright, it was a duty of mine to come back and we'll do a reform the ball podcast and we'll see. We'll see if people like it and people don't like it. Oh, well. Oh well. But at least I'll like myself when I'm talking at least I'll be honest. And so that's what we're gonna do moving forward and
