Yes, I think for whatever reason, I was sort of traumatised, and then re traumatised in a short space of time. And I think that meant that I was sort of frazzled in a different way to Charlie, in that I was just terrified. And then I was I sort of looking back, I could feel myself sort of breaking, splintering, the impact of being scared so much and being controlled and corrected and not allowed to express myself. I just felt I could the depression crept in. And then from there, it was like, Oh, God, I was in a really low place from about 12 onwards, and trying to leave the church but then being scared enough to come back. And then even the fear didn't work anymore. You know, I remember being very scared one night and ringing my I didn't know how to ring. And I think Charlie was out and I rang, I went through the directory, and there was a, one of my teachers, we were given all the phone numbers of all the staff at schools, a little school. So I rang my gym teacher and asked if I could speak to his wife, because in my head, she was really kind. So I rang her and had a chat about how scared I was. And then in the morning, she told my head teacher, and he cornered me and shouted at me, and said, Don't you dare ever call my staff, one of my staff ever again. So I was like, you know, as a kid, it had a breakdown, essentially, who was now being told not to reach out to the people. So it was like, I remember just looking back, that's one of those where you go fucking hell that's, like, a lonely place to be when you're 12. And going home, and then having your dad pray over you and tell you, you know about salvation and how the Lord is with you. And yeah, I mean, it's so yeah, I think from then on, I was sort of reeling. And maladapted. Socially, I couldn't, I just didn't know how to do it. But I remember being I remember being quite good looking. Like when I was about 15. Being cute. And I was like, the girls were flirting with me. I had no clue what to do with it. Not a clue. And that and I remember feeling like, oh, this is a whole new world that could open but didn't. But I've been smashing birds for the last 10 years to make up for us. That's fine. We'll keep that in. Definitely keep that in. Yeah, so