Hey there. Welcome. It's been a couple of weeks since a new episode has dropped. Thank you for being patient with me. This is episode 50. So I'm really, really excited to be here with you. And if you're new to this space, welcome, if you are a regular Welcome back, how are you experiencing life these days? Lately, for me, life feels very full of opposites, often at the same time. And the most glaring one right now is that spring is here, right where the first week of April. And I am not feeling so springy. Like totally flat, complete lack of bounce, and spring. As I'm like the verb that is the real real, I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. I don't even have the energy to sugarcoat. I'm wondering if maybe there's any chance that you also can identify with this in some way. I know some people in my inner circle are feeling this way. I'm not sure about those of you who are connecting with this podcast. But if you are, I am hoping that if you need some solidarity, or anything else, validation that perhaps you find that here. Of course, I'm always hoping I'm not an island all by myself. But I wouldn't mind if I'm on an island by myself in this one, because it's tough. It's tough when, you know, nature's feeling light and brighter, and you're not what's heavy and present for me are some pretty heavy hitters. Honestly, it's grief, it's overwhelm stress, fatigue, disconnect, worried out fear, perhaps the list could go on. But those are the main main ones. And when it comes to grief, I have to say that it's that closely coupled with shock, really, because in case you haven't been around the show, at all, or for a while, we lost my dad unexpectedly, almost five months ago now. And I still cannot wrap my mind around it. And that's hard. And, you know, that definitely leads or feeds into the overwhelm, because life still goes on, no matter what it is that you are going through, you know, your responsibilities, my kids activities, despite my life feeling very upside down right now. Life still goes on. And that can be sometimes a little bit of a bomb, something to kind of just change things up, but also can feel like a lot, a lot. And then you know, there's stress, there's always stress. For me, being a solo business owner is super stressful. It's super gratifying, of course, but super stressful, because it requires continued effort. You know, when you're working on a team or for a company, you've often got other people, other teammates. Other people, you know, that can put in some time. And when you're a solopreneur, it's you. And so you have to keep going networking, building relationships, creating connections, you know, all in the name of eventually creating new opportunities for yourself. And that's all amongst all the other things that I shared, and also living within our current systems and the dumpster fire that's this world with all that is going on. Even if I am not directly impacted, you know, by the atrocities that are going on still is hard to be in this world right now. And that leads to fatigue, right? It's all exhausting, caring, sadness, and overwhelm, and stress is so tiring. Also, a big thing I am. I don't I don't wanna say coming to terms with but something that I'm navigating, I guess is that I feel like I didn't get the rest I needed in the winter. The last few years I've been really leaning into winters vibe of dormancy and slowing down. And I didn't get that because my dad passed away at the very beginning of November and so all of November even into December was just this wild whirlwind. And, you know, the end of the year can be quite busy anyways. So, I feel like you know, especially with carrying all of this shock and grief and overwhelm, I just didn't get that rest that I would have normally got in. And also, I was sick for most of January, this winter was really brutal for a lot of people that I know, in terms of sickness, and, you know, so fatigued from that, but then also fatigue from continuing to deal with one thing after another, whether that is in your personal life or in our communities at large, that fatigue is real, which then leads me to the disconnect feeling, sometimes I feel disconnected from myself, because I have to push aside or put aside my feelings in order to get some things done, because the reality is I have to work or to be present with my kids and my husband, sometimes I feel disconnected from my community, because I'm intentionally spending more time by myself. And sometimes, you know, I have to uphold that boundary for myself, for protection and safety, in terms of when I feel overwhelmed, and when I need to recharge and reset, but also, I think, you know, I feel overwhelmed sometimes being out in the world, carrying all of this sadness. And so I intentionally disconnect from my community, which isn't always a good thing, sometimes it is necessary. But sometimes it's, it's, you know, I find myself saying, Gosh, you know, I really am spending a lot of time in seclusion, should I be reaching out a little bit more, you know, and then also, there is a real disconnect, between me and the universe. Me and even God, you know, I was raised Catholic, but so I, you know, I have a deep belief in God and Jesus, but of course, I, you know, the last few years, I really disconnected from the church, because I don't share many of the values and the morals and the teachings of the Church. But I still do have a deep belief in God and Jesus, that also feels complicated, but, you know, it's hard for me, losing my dad. And, you know, when people would say, oh, everything for a reason, or it's God's plan, and I just don't agree with that. And so I do feel disconnected from spirit from, you know, the beings in the ether. It's really hard for me to be in that right now. But it is real. And, you know, I, my anger with losing my dad is real. And so that's also playing a big part into this disconnect. There's also worry, doubt and fear, among about so many things that I'm sure many of you can relate to about my business and making money about showing up for myself in the ways that I need, you know, being able to support my kids and my husband the way they need to, you know, to make money, be able to pay their bills, you know, these are all normal things that I'm feeling. But you know, what, it's a lot to be dealing with all at once. And I share all of this with you not to make these conversations just about me, or to play the hardship Olympics, but really, honestly, so that we can have true connections, deep connections, authentic connections in all of this, because, you know, going through any one of those emotions or times in life can feel really hard and really lonely. There might be some shame or guilt or judgment involved. And that height ends when you're coupling some of these hard feelings together or hard experiences. And when many of them come together can really feel like a mountain. So if you too, are going through a tough time or carrying some heavy stuff. If you're feeling like life right now doesn't align with what is happening out in nature in spring time. I want you to know you're not alone. If you're feeling put off or annoyed or angry or even offended. By spring doing its thing. I get it. You know, historically, I've always loved the start of spring. I love the increased sunlight. I love how the sun feels warmer on my skin. I love the warmer days. The blooms, the birds, the animals. I love Spring, except for the allergies. I live in New Jersey, the allergies are just atrocious. And I can't stand it.