Should you pick up a dude at the club? w/ Leah Lamarr & Grace Holmen, Dating Disasters Day 2

6:33PM Jul 11, 2022

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What better catharsis these days than to listen to someone else's horrible dating disasters? How about a bartender's dating disaster? Yup. This is lovestruck daily

I'm in love with the same to you. Love with You

Hello, everyone. It's me Leah Lamarr your guest host today for lovestruck daily. If you don't know me, you probably don't know. You know, it's fine. I get it. If you don't love comedy you don't know who I am. And if you love comedy, you probably still don't know who I am. I'm self aware. I'm a stand up comedian. I have a podcast real time crime on iHeart network. That's a weekly podcast. I love that podcast with all my passion. It's true crime with a twist, aka just kind of like joke about murder. So if you're sensitive, probably not for you. I am an ex clubhouse icon. And Time Magazine. And Roboto is an empty named me Entertainer of the Year last year. And I mean, I do a lot of stuff. I do love stuff. I love comedy. Obviously, it's my life, my passion. I have to say that because my agent is listening. And also I am a serial monogamist in theory, but not in practice. I am dying to get into a long term relationship, but no one will date me. No, I people date me. Like I'm cute. I'm like, cute for comedy, like I'm the Natalie Portman of comedy. But in LA, I'm like a four. So I know where I stand. You know, I really, I gotta get better at comedy. So someone wants to marry me. But all right. This week on the podcast, we're talking about dating disasters. And like I said, I've been single for most of my miserable life. So I'm uniquely qualified to host this. I will say I've worked in many weird situations that I've also dated bosses. Oops. I've dated people who are the opposite of me. You know, I'm Jewish. I've dated Muslims. Oh, and here we are. This is bringing us right to our guests today. Let's just get the energy backup who she is very familiar with dating mishaps, not only in her own life, but because of her job as a bartender. And I'm so excited to hear what she's got to share with us today. Guys, please welcome Grace Holmen. Hello, Grace. Why? Hi. Welcome to lovestruck daily. I'm Lea it's so nice to meet you. I'm definitely the regular host for the show, not just a guest host. And Grace. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Cool. So I'm from Chicago. I'm currently a full time bartender. I've been doing that for about four years. And I actually grew up in a pretty conservative Catholic home. So going from that world to the bartending world was pretty fun. I also very creative, or like doing a lot of artistic things. I was studying community art in college, but rather than going into student debt, I decided to take a little break from that. And that's how I fell into bartending. I was just looking for a job and realised that I really liked it. And I'm pretty good at it. So I've been doing that ever since. All right,

well, this is amazing news. So I'm sure you have a tonne of insane stories since you worked at a bar and are still working in a bar, right?

I have some some dating stories from the bartending thing, but mostly just kind of being this individual just trying to figure it out all by herself. Like way after you're supposed to, like, you know, a lot of people figure out dating and relationship stuff, you know, they make all their dumb mistakes in high school or whatever. And me I'm like 24 and 25 doing it, like I feel a little bit behind. But I'm gonna catch up real quick here.

You know, that's really relatable because I also was pretty sheltered in my childhood, and teenage years, and I really just let loose when I left when I flew. But I was also a bartender and nice, not only the things that I experienced personally, but the things that I witnessed were so insane. I was once working at this bar in the East Village and the manager of the bar, and one of the cocktail waitresses and then a patron of the bar had a threesome in the handicap bathroom. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I was just nice. All right, yeah. Oh, you know what? I'm not judging. You know, everyone does their own thing. The only thing I am judging is the fact that what if someone who was handicapped had to go to the bathroom, you know? Yeah, right. Like we gotta we got to take things into account. Okay, enough about me, Grace. Let's get started today. So we want to get to know you a little bit the same way a potential date would so Okay, I know that sounds totally odd, but why don't we pretend that we're dating you? And we'll try some hinge prompts.

And perfect. Sounds great. I'm so ready.

Yes. Okay, so there are a few of them, but we'll just try. Okay, how about this? What's a shower thought you recently had?

Oh, man, I'm gonna do it for a second. I feel like a shower thought I shower thoughts I usually have are just things I've forgotten to do. Like, I don't generally have strokes of genius in the shower. It's just like, oh, man, I need to do that. And then as soon as I get out, a timer goes out of my head. And next time I'm in the shower, I remember it again.

When I'm in the shower. I'm always imagining myself as like a hero in a weird situation. Like someone's getting a bag snatch. And I'm like running after like knocking down the thief getting the bag. I don't know why this is. Water isn't good for me, I think and this is also a third of the ocean. Okay, that's

amazing. All right,

another hinge prompt. Let's try this one. Something you're weirdly attracted to. Also, sorry, I had, I did drink the strongest coffee in the world earlier today. So whenever

you got I've got mine right next to me. So we're all set.

While we're having a conversation, I've also strapped myself to the chair to make sure I don't just like blow out the roof of my apartment building. My brain is on fire. It's pretty great and terrifying at the same time. Okay, back to you. Grace.

I hit this isn't like weird. It's super normal. But like if a guy has longest hair, I'm immediately like, I'm slightly more interested than you than anyone else in the room or honestly, I know some girls have thanks for like, these are all physical things like for people have things for hands or eyes or whatever. I'm like, I need to see their their shoulders and their back. And yeah, I for some reason, I need to see people's backs. That's

interesting. Okay, so you you like swimmers with long hair? Yeah.

Maybe? I don't know. That seems like the far end of what I find weirdly attractive.

So what kind of back are you looking at that you like?

I think it's kind of like where you can see the shoulder blades peeking out just a little bit and sort of broad shoulders. So like, I guess maybe kind of a swimmer. Maybe someone who like used to swim in college and like they haven't for a couple years. You know what I'm saying? We're

looking for someone who used to be an athlete. Yeah. But now is a stoner. Sounds great. Oh, okay. We got We nailed your type to a tee. It's so funny. I went through a long hair phase. And I ended up dating a farmer who was building a shelter, completely built off solar energy in the middle of Virginia. And he Wow, yeah. And he was he had animals there who had gone like he was really intense. And he was like, so when the apocalypse happens, oh, my, you want to be one of the women who repopulate the earth? And I was like, I'm good. But just in case, what are the coordinates? Okay, so All right, let's keep it moving. Again, I will make this about me somehow, just so you're clear. I'm so sorry. No worries. This is who I am Grace, please love me for who I am. Okay, so grace, can you tell us a little bit about dating disasters that you've had, I heard that you have several stories,

for sure. Um, the first one that comes to mind was, I was actually in a club with one of my friends. And we're just both of us were single at the time. And we were just there having a good time just trying to you know, get have some drinks and some dance with each other. But along the way, this one guy definitely like, became more interested in me. And I am very aware of when that starts to happen. I also use when I say used to meaning I'm currently not actively looking for anyone in nightclubs anymore. But I used to possess this superpower where I'd walk into a club and I'd be like that one by the end of the night. And I would always get their number or start talking to them, or other fun things would happen. We just kind of started dancing. And at this point, I had probably had like, way too many drinks in my system, and middle the dance floor. I just started making out with this guy. And then I get his number and we go on like a date or two and the energy is just not there. Like he's very he's like very sweet. He's very nice, but I'm just like, nope, not quite ready for this fast forward. We're going to fast forward a couple of months. I go back to the same club with my friend. This guy is there. And I'm like, Oh no. So now I'm playing like keep away with this guy at this club

I'm like, Oh, no. So no, I'm playing like keep away with this guy at this club. I mean, he's definitely aware of that's happening, but it's just not really working out and then once again, too many cocktails in me. So then, my friends like we gotta get out of here. You're gonna make a mistake too late. His numbers in my phone, I start texting him. And I'm like, why don't you come over and so then, long story short, this guy who I had met months before. I was living with my parents at that time. So he comes over and pulls in my driveway and we hang out in his car for quite a while in my my parents driveway. And then the next day I had to text him and be like, cool. So that's it. Have a nice life. And we're good from here.

Wow, Grace. You know, that wasn't theirs. You know, there's no judgement here. All right. Okay, so the moral of the story is don't pick up guys from clubs.

No, I, I have tried several times. And you know, oftentimes they're, they're one of them will be nice. And that's that's kind of it. It's the club that makes them more attractive than they actually are. Are there just no, just just stay away? Or should

we say it's the dim lighting, the drinks and the music?

Oh, absolutely. 100%. You know, look,

I get it. I've made out with them. I've had my fair share of club breakouts. I'm not proud of them. But grace, we're proud of you. Thanks. Okay. And do you have any other dating disaster stories?

One dating disaster story I have is, there was this guy who I was in a group fitness class with when I was in college? Yeah. Already, he was. He was leading the group. I had been in this group for a little while. And then the semester changed. So the teacher changed. And this guy was really good looking. Not exactly my type. But I was like, Okay, I'm kind of into this. And, you know, you're like, in a fitness class. So you can like definitely, like, try and like, show off like, Hey, I'm a strong, independent woman. And like, you know, I'm always trying to live way more than I'm supposed to, just to like, show off and generally kind of picking up on like, some vibes from him. But I was just towards the end of the semester, nothing. He was not making any moves or asking me out or anything like that. And I was like, pretty sure he was interested in me. So I just decided I am an independent woman. There's nothing wrong with asking a guy out. So I decided to ask him out for coffee, because he was a senior who's going to be graduating and I was like, this is this is my chance. I'm going to do it. So I asked this guy out, we go get coffee. Except when we get to the coffee shop. I'm like, What would you like to order? And he says, Well, I actually don't drink coffee. I hate coffee. I was like, Cool.

This guy sounds like a dream.

He was such a dream. Such a dream. You know, also he was graduating to then go into the army. So that's a very specific breed of Oh, wow, fit fitness male. You know, just army guys are very specific type of person.

I was gonna say you thought he was interested in you. But he was really interested in knowing where you got your Lululemon leggings from

Exactly, that's exactly, yeah.

This is where this is going. Unfortunately,

it's gonna get better. No, oh, oh, we we go get coffee, he awkwardly orders orange juice. And I'm having coffee conversation is not like super going well, I'm like, this is a little bit more uncomfortable than I was expecting. And then he hits a point in the conversation where he starts talking about, I think it was like a friend's dad. But that's not super important to the story, how this person would constantly make fun of him and tell them that he was gay. And then he proceeds to spend the rest of our date telling me all the ways that he's not gay. And I was just like, Dude, I have no qualms with whatever you are, but just just the fact that you're going to such lengths to say that you're not feel like maybe you've got some stuff to possibly figure out here.

Yeah, you're like, dude, I'm not judging you. But did you pay off coffees? Because I gotta go.

Yeah, not no judgement at all. I was just like, this is this is an interesting first date conversation, because it's just just you telling me that you're not gay in 100 different ways. And I'm like, power to you. Go go do you, man. But I think we're good here. You think we're good?

He's like, I'll do one squat forever. reason I'm not gay. One Exactly. 1,000,001 1 million to 1,000,003. Or like, okay, yeah, we got it. I mean, we know why he's going into the army. There are lots of men there.

I was also kind of like, ooh, that's interesting. Yeah. And then I had I never heard from him ever again. I was like, Cool. That's, that's good. We're good. Thank you very much for the orange juice.

Yeah, it's always interesting when you're the last person a guy dates before they start dating man. This Yeah, habitually happens to a girlfriend of mine. And we're all Oh, no, we're like, Baby, you need to save your posi we don't know what's going on with you, but not working for you. I dated this guy in college ones who was so lovely. And we had a really he was the first like, and I don't like to use this term. But I because I don't know whatever. But you know, a lot of people say alpha male or beta male. Yes. He was the first beta guy I've ever dated. So for those of you listening are like what is that she's like some guy who's very sensitive and in tune with his emotions and non super macho and manly, and like girl protein shakes, you know, CrossFit or you know, like more of the vegan type. Okay, so so not an asshole is what I'm trying to say. Okay, so So I was dating this guy, and he was so sweet and so long, I was like, oh, you know, like, this is so great. Maybe that's the type of guy I'm into. And he's so in touch with his emotion that he's so sweet and thoughtful and caring. And like, he's got so many great guy friends. And I started to slowly question what was going on? And a lot of his girlfriend's would be like, so do you guys have, like, how was like, How's it going with you guys? Everyone was so curious to know, we were having sex. And I was like, God, this is so weird. And then two of his ex girlfriends came up to me, and they were like, you know, he's gay. Right? And I was like, No, he's not. We really love each other. And, you know, it appears to be going, okay. And then one night, I walk in his bedroom and catch him jerking off to three men having a threesome porn. Wow. Okay. And I was like, okay, you know, is this like something that just excites you? For some reason? Like, doesn't mean you're gay or jerking off to gay porn, I think, you know, I didn't want to be detrimental. And he was like, no, no, there's just something about it. That really gets me going. And I was like, Yeah, cool. It does like vagina get you going now? And he was like, totally. And then like, three days later, we broke up, he shaved his head. And that was it. That was it. So you know, who's to say really? If he was gay, straight by figuring things out? No judgement zone here. But you know, it's always interesting. When you're like the last person, you're the last straw. Okay, Grace, do you have any other dating disasters or dating faux pas?

The way you were saying your friend has a way of dating people like right before they figure out they're gay. I feel like, I have a thing for dating men right before they meet who they're going to marry. And me and my sister joke about this all the time in a way that's not actually jokey. Because it's for real, I think there's been like, six, seven, possibly guys have gone on at least three dates with and then it just hasn't worked out for normal reasons, or like, very normal reasons. And then the next person they date, they like, Get engaged too. And I'm like, what, what is going on here? This is super interesting to me. So that's like another special superpower for, you know, we'll call it that that I possess, which is super fun.

So someone always get married basically, after they date you that that happened to me with the guy I lost my virginity to. He moved out of the country five days after we broke up back to where he lives. He started immediately dating a girl who looks just like me with bangs and says we don't look good with banks. And they got married and had a kid pretty much immediately right after and I'm like, what is it about me?

I don't know what same thing happened to me. And to be like, totally mean, I usually look at them and say that's the Walmart version of me. Yes, yes. Okay, thank most of the guys who have been gone on to marry somebody like me, like, immediately after like meeting me or dating me. It's not like long term relationships. Usually just like we've done it three or four dates, and then they find somebody who looks like me. There was one guy though who was 100% polish. And then he went on to then marry a girl who was 100% polish. I was like, You know what, that totally makes sense that I'm Italian and Irish. I get it. We're good. We're looking for sometimes people who understand our cultural backgrounds, I get it, but she does not look like me. So that was the one time that she didn't the girl that looked like me.

And let us say amen. Goodbye, boys. Goodbye. Okay, so grace, before we head out for today, we're looking to kind of give one action item toward improving our dating lives in the future. I'm going to I'm going to give a couple of action items. And you can tell me which one you think resonates the most with you. One not initiating a date with someone who shows no interest.

Yes, agree. percent agree.

Okay. Okay. That's number one. You know, we don't need to be brave. We don't need to be brave. If there's if they're showing no interest walk away. My ladies walk away. Okay. Dating action item number two. If it seems like he's gay. He might be gay.

Yes, that that is true.

And that's and that's okay. Just you know, probably not going to work out. Okay. And then maybe another action item one achievable action item or final one for today. Could just be Don't Don't worry we

yep, I would say that is probably a good thing to live by in the dating world.

It really seems like anytime anyone dates where they are working or working out, it doesn't seem to work out And then and then you can't go back to that gym or that job, right?

Yes, yeah presents some roadblocks for your just just regular life in the future.

Just just eat outside your comfort zone.

Mm hmm. You'll usually find more interesting people who have different outlooks on life that will actually help you like, grow and see things as a new person, if you date outside of those worlds, so

yeah, and these are action items from two unmarried people who know everything about love.

Perfect. I mean, totally. That is why we're doing this right now.

And Grace Brooke, we find you online.

You can find me right now. I'm just on Instagram and Facebook. But my Facebook I just basically use to share things going on at the bar I workout. But my instagram handle would be all lowercase Gracie with a YG or AC e why? Girl 23

Hope you find true love one day. Great. Thanks for coming on.

You're welcome.

And you can find me Lee Alomar on Instagram at L E A H L A. M as in Mary a RR that's right to ours on Instagram and Twitter Li lamar.com And I have my stand up show dates on my Instagram all the time and you can find me on Tik Tok on the LMR with five Rs Wi Fi bars. Stop asking questions you don't want to know. Also, you can find me on real time crime podcast on I Heart media. I have a weekly show. And also, you know, that's all you really need to know about me that I'm just a kooky fun comedian who loves crime and also dating. Alright guys, if you want please send an email to lovestruck daily at Frolik dot media if you've got a love story to share, or if you've got any questions, thoughts, a bad dating story, a great dating story. Follow us on Instagram or Twitter. Our researchers Jesse Epstein and our editors Jen Jacobs were produced by Abigail steckler With little Scorpion studios were executive produced by Frolik media. This is an I Heart Radio Podcast. Thanks so much. Stay safe love you I'm in love with love with you. I'm in love with you. were produced by Apple Apple goal and broken