Welcome to the universe is your therapist. We are your hosts, Dr. Amy Hoyt and Lena Hoyt. We are sisters. Take a seat and let's dive into this week's episode.
Hi, Amy here, are you feeling stuck or overwhelmed by things that pop up in your daily life. And perhaps these are because of past traumas or toxic stress. Have you tried traditional therapy and found that it wasn't enough? I know that was the case for me. That's why we developed the whole health lab. Mending trauma has put together a program that combines the latest research with proven methods to help you recover from trauma and move forward from these daily stressors and triggers. We use somatic therapy EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy and internal family systems therapy. We use nervous system regulation, and many other tools so that we can combine the best methods that are identified in the research to help you recover without being completely overwhelmed. So you can work on trauma on your own pace, your own time. And still with the mentorship and support of a highly trained certified staff. That's us. No more waiting for appointments or sitting in traffic driving to see a therapist. With our online program, the whole help lab, you can access it from anywhere, anytime, even on an app. And the best part is in honor of May being mental health awareness month, our listeners can get access to the full program for only $97 a month. So for less than a fancy cup of coffee a day. You can get the tools you need to recover from trauma and create a better future for yourself. Visit mending trauma.com backslash whole health lab and learn more, get your questions answered. We've got a Frequently Asked Questions section and sign up so that you can have this life changing program in your world today. Don't let your past hold you back any longer take control of your future, and we can't wait to see you in the whole health lab.
Welcome back to the university's your therapist. I'm Lena white. And in this episode, we will be exploring the nuances around the phrase don't look back. I have a picture in my house in California. And it is a quote and it says Don't look back. You're not going that way. And I was thinking about this the other day when I was posting in our online community. And thinking about how much I love this quote. Because sometimes it may be wise or appropriate to look back. But it's never going to serve us when it's accompanied by shame, terror or self criticism. For many of us looking back is a totally unconscious or subconscious activity. And we often don't notice even that we're doing it until we experience discomfort or emotional distress. And this can show up in a physiological or emotional way. So staying focused on the past and trying to manage the emotions that occur when we're focused in the past is really exhausting. Trust me, I know, developing a way to notice and bring your brain back to the present moment will make those neural pathways stronger. And eventually we develop an ability to stay present focused without as much conscious energy. When we are able to bring our brain back over and over again, into the present moment, the neural pathways for that behavior become stronger. And oftentimes if especially if we worry a lot or have some anxiety, we are subconsciously either in the past or the future quite frequently when we realize that we are going to have to practice to set up those new neural pathways and to have those pathways become strong. Then we can stick with it even when we're doing it a dozen times and an hour. Think of your brain as a wild stallion. This is a really helpful analogy for me. We appreciate the stallion and the stallion is beautiful, but the horse will need a lot of training and wrangling in order to learn how to behave. It's wild. We want to Chaim the stallion, which in this case would be the brain through calm repetition and noticing without judgment. You may want to find an accountability partner For this, having someone that you feel comfortable with, and that has your confidence can help you be accountable. And you can report daily through text, email, phone call, or you can do it once a week, or once a month. And the purpose of an accountability partner is not to admire us and shame, and not to be in a place of humiliation because we're not keeping our promises to ourself. Keep in mind that when we do make promises to ourselves, much of our behavior is dictated by our subconscious, which does not mean that we give up making promises to ourselves, it does mean that we let go of the shame that accompanies when we break those promises to ourselves. One really important thing to keep in mind when you're working with us is that shame, guilt and feelings of overwhelm, all keep us in our fight or flight brain and reduce blood flow to our prefrontal cortex. So if you notice that you're thinking a lot about the past, try to stay out of judgment about that, and remind yourself that the old neural pathway is really solid and concrete, and is so strong that we do it without noticing. When we can act as an observer of our thoughts, without judging them, they can provide us with information, we can become benevolently curious, lovingly curious and gather that information, we can pay attention to what may have triggered us, we can pay attention to our breathing and use breathwork to help bring emotion regulation to our body. The double breath, sigh is fantastic for this, a deep inhalation, followed by a pause, and then additional inhalation followed by a forceful exhalation is the double rest, sigh or the physiological sigh, it looks something like this.
And then the 24 years that I've been doing this work, that has proven to be the most helpful breath work that I have ever tried. It's been life changing for my clients. So we want to bring our body and our emotions back into regulation. We pay attention to our breathing, we may do the double breath, sigh. We can think Oh, that's interesting. That's interesting in the back in the past. That's interesting that I'm thinking about my divorce from seven years ago right now. Not what's wrong with me? Why can't I get over it? I'm just keeping myself upset. We're going to notice without judgment, oh, oh, I am thinking about the past again. All right. Instead of beating myself up, I'm just going to think about what is happening for me right this second. What can I feel in my skin? What can I see with my eyes? What can I hear with my ears? What can I smell, and all of those things can help bring you back into the present moment. And engaging in these thoughts, which are, which is pretty typically subconscious and involuntary, will keep the blood flow from being consistent to our prefrontal cortex and will keep us out of our executive functioning or our wise brain. Engaging in these types of thoughts just keeps us in our fight flight, freeze brain and reduces blood flow to our prefrontal cortex, which is the seat of executive functioning when we are in an emotionally aroused state, because of our critical self talk, paying attention and gathering information from what we're experiencing becomes extremely difficult. Practicing the ability to recognize when we're drifting and then noticing it by thinking that might make sense because those neural pathways are so deep and strong. And then reflecting on what you were thinking about and any possible triggers that may have occurred can bring us more emotional freedom in the long run. As we attend to what's going on without criticism or judgment, we gather more information. And by being self compassionate, we can increase the blood flow to our prefrontal cortex which helps us get out of our focus on the past or the future. And as we develop the skill more and more, we can enjoy a more peaceful and calm life. Thank you so much for Joining me today, I wish you luck in working on this. Remember not to beat yourself up. Everything's okay. It makes sense that your brain might stay focused on the past sometimes and move forward with a sense of curiosity. Take care.
If you enjoyed this episode and you enjoy learning more about how trauma and toxic stress affects your life. You will absolutely love the whole help lab. This is our signature program that helps you recover from trauma. And this month, the month of May in honor of mental health awareness month. We have priced the program at $97 a month, Blaine and I would be honored to guide you through your trauma recovery and we hope to see you inside the whole health lab go to mending trauma.com backslash whole health lab. Thank you for listening to the universe's your therapist this week. If you have any questions or looking for more information, you can find us at mending trauma on Instagram, as well as mending trauma.com Our website and if you're enjoying our content, we'd love it if you could rate review and subscribe to the show. We'll see you all next week.
