Episode 36

Steff Gallante29min

Steff Gallante

00:00

Hey there. Welcome back. And if this is your first time to the show, welcome. How is your heart today, my friend? How was life landing for you these days? I know those can be sometimes tough questions to answer. No, that you don't have to have an answer right now. But I am quite curious to see how you're experiencing life these days. This month, this is our first episode of September, we are going to be talking or our focus really is going to be recalibrating after the summer. These next couple of weeks, we'll be talking about navigating the glitch, which is that period, that two week period between the end of one season and the beginning of the other, which technically happens from September 9 to September 23, when fall officially begins. And honestly, you may already be feeling kind of glitchy from like now. Or depending on where you live in the world, especially here in the northern hemisphere. And especially here in the United States. I can't speak to other countries, because this is the only place I've ever lived, you know, where shits been changing, depending on where you live in the United States, you know, for a couple of weeks now back into like the beginning or even middle of August. And maybe your schedule hasn't changed quite yet. Or maybe it's starting to this week, maybe your responsibilities haven't changed much, or they're starting to this week. But we're even seeing some of that glitch Enos happen with nighttime coming earlier and cooler temperatures overnight. Now, we've kind of been talking nonstop in the last couple of weeks of like, all the changes in preparing, how can we save our summers sweetness, and also, just mindfully prepare for any change that is coming, whether that is in your personal life, or whether your personal life kind of stays the same no matter if it's summer or fall or any other season? And, you know, but then perhaps there is a big change in nature where you live, or I don't even know I mean, like there are just so many circumstances. And the thing of it is like, it's it can be a lot, right, the fall is very variable it can be or erratic in nature. And that vibe can transfer over to us. And also if you are experiencing changes, shifts, especially toward a busier place and time a, a more challenging time, more responsibilities. It's a lot and it has been a lot the planning the anticipation. And finally, like coming to the day where everything starts. And you're like in it. And so, we've been talking these last couple of weeks about savoring about mindful resource meant about fostering stability within your life. And most recently, in the last episode, we talked about easing inner turbulence because frequent bouts of turmoil just isn't it. And so friend, like all of this feels heavy. Acknowledge that. Because that's okay, right. Like wherever you are, and however you are experiencing life and whatever you are experiencing right now is like kind of just open the door to all of this. It might be a lot and there's nothing wrong with you. If it's a lot right for me, honestly, we're I'm recording this, our schedule is changing tomorrow it we just started a little bit of a change the last couple of days and it's been a lot of mental mental and emotional energy and and I want to say wear and tear, but that seems harsh. And, you know, we've got to honor it because we cannot expect that. You know, we're just going to be even through everything and there are going to be more challenging times of life, you know, sometimes versus other times and so we have to just be really gracious with ourselves compassionate, gentle. And if you're feeling excited about the coming weeks great if you're feeling motivated, awesome. And if there is anything other than that anything hard, challenging, whatever it is That's okay to write. And so I know you know that taking care of yourself is important. I know that I don't have to convince you of that. But the shit that we need to talk about today, when it comes to caring for yourself is consent, and specifically self consent. Now here in the United States, when we talk about consent, you're typically hearing it in the context of in terms of like an agreement, to engage in sexual activity, or possibly to have a medical procedure done, or to give your information to something, or to be contacted about something. When I say self consent, I am talking about the process of tuning in to yourself, listening in to yourself for a yes, or a no. And then the most important step, honoring that period, without judgment, without second guessing, like nothing. And I'm curious how this lands for you. I'm just going to open some space for this.

Steff Gallante

06:30

And I encourage you to continue to consider this, you know, in the rest of your day, the coming days. Maybe talk about it in your inner circle. Reach out to me with your thoughts, I'd always love to hear from you. I love those of you who do reach out. It fills my heart so much. Now, for those of you who've been around the show for a little while back in episode 26, that was called live in tune with yourself this summer. And the subtitle was quit bypassing yourself. We talked all about how thanks to capitalism and white supremacy culture. Many of us our master self bypasses, meaning we bypass our needs like a fucking champ. Now, here's the thing, you all know, never am I throwing shade? Never Am I throwing judgment at you. I'm always throwing shade and judgment at the systems. Yes, 100%. But never at you. And so always know that if I'm saying something that you're like, fuck, that's me. What I'm saying is never a criticism of you. Because most of the time, the shit that happens to us or the way that we feel about something, or what we experience is not necessarily our fault, because we are living in these societies governed by these systems that just don't work that are perpetuating harm, right? And so when it comes to being a master bypass or self bypass, or if that's you, those of us who that who fall into these categories, right, we have had no choice based on the sheer speed and expectation of capitalism to be this way. And when it comes to the oppression of white supremacy, culture on folks with marginalized identities, we are not afforded the time space or resources to easily or completely tend to ourselves. So we have to bypass ourselves. But here's the thing, we know this system is not going to stop anytime soon. Right? We are journeying to disrupt and dismantle, we are journeying to slow this bullshit down. But the reality is we there's a lot of work out there that needs to be done for widespread systemic change to happen. And so in honoring that not being, you know, defeated or put off by this, we have got to start finding a way to show up for ourselves, that makes a significant impact. So that we are resourced and have the resources within ourselves, to live to thrive to have the capability to continue showing up to the system disrupting and dismantling them. Now, here's the thing and I want to I always try to make sure I acknowledge all the shit right because I don't want you ever to think I'm coming from a pie in the sky ideal place. You know that where everything is easy. That's not it, right and part The reason that, you know, so many of us who were raised in American culture are walking around as you know, as dysregulated as we are, because let's be real, it's real for so many of us, you know, besides the fact that we, in current times continue to live through ongoing traumatic experiences. Part of the reason why we are so dysregulated beyond that is because in America, we are taught health and success looks one way, and we are taught and pushed towards doing things that one way, at any cost. We are taught that differences in personality, likes and dislikes, and any other traits are bad. And that's bullshit. But what is worse is we are taught from a young age to bypass ourselves, to look outside of ourselves for validation, for information about ourselves. And often, when we tune in, the message we are receiving from our own being is not in alignment with what we are seeing and hearing in society. And we're like, Well, shit. There's a disconnect here. This doesn't make sense. And what do we do? We ignore ourselves, we bypass ourselves right? Or worse, we gaslight ourselves, and this is not all of us, right? Some of us telling ourselves, we should be different, less of this and more of that. And because of that confusion between what our being is saying, and what we're seeing out in society, that is so confusing to us that eventually some of us end up not tuning in to ourselves at all. Because we can't live in a state of confusion, and then we can't live in a state of guilt and shame and fear. And so for some of us, for many of us, we don't know how to tune into ourselves, really listen and meet our needs and desires. Until the point that we get to where we like hit the wall because sickness happens or disease or something awful happens that forces us to face ourselves and our needs. And I just don't want that for you anymore. I did that for so many years. And I just couldn't do it anymore. And I don't want that for you either. Because that is fueling burnout, that is fueling perfectionism that is fueling this grind mentality that's not working for us. And it's not our fault. It is time my friend to quit bypassing yourself to quit gaslighting yourself, and instead tuning into what you need and desire and begin meeting yourself there to establish some harmony. This way you can be in a more regulated state and be able to maintain a regulated state or more easily reregulate yourself when it comes to the needs and demands of the rest of your life. You know, your work, your relationships, everything else. And amidst the fuckery that's going on. Now, here's the thing, friend, as I'm always real with you, I know it's easier said than done. Sometimes, in non threatening situations, we have to say yes, when we want to say no. And vice versa. Like our body might be saying no. But we know we have to say yes. And vice versa. Sometimes we've just got to do shit we don't want to do again in non threatening situations, right? And this is true and valid. And what I'm encouraging us toward is breaking the cycle beyond that, right beyond those times that we're like, fuck, like, I can't get around this, I've got to say yes, even though I want to say no, or vice versa, right? But not doing it all the time or as often as we do. And not you know, maybe breaking the cycle in certain situations where where you typically bypass yourself or, you know, ignore yourself

Steff Gallante

14:14

I'm hoping that one day, you can stop worrying about what someone will think or say or do in response to you honoring yourself that you might stop doing something for the sake of doing what is right quote unquote, right or what is quote unquote expected. And I know that that is hard culturally, in family systems, and in so many other ways. But friend, just like we talked about, so often disrupting and dismantling oppressive systems for me, this is one of the same. And, you know, if you don't know this about me, my both my parents are immigrants. And you know, we are folks of color And I was brought up in the Catholic religion, even though I'm quite disconnected from it. So you're talking about guilt and shame, in a lot of different ways. And it's been really hard for me to kind of stand on my own two feet with my convictions of saying this. This is where I want to say yes, and this is where I want to say no. And honoring, because it can also be quite dysregulated. When we honor our yes or no. You right? It's hard to honor. The yes and the No. But fuck we, we've got to do it. We've got to do it. And we've got to learn to be in the discomfort of it. We've got to learn to be in the discomfort of possibly the situations and conversations that may happen with others, but also internally. Right, because sometimes there's going to be judgment and guilt and shame because that's, that's what we know. We do it to ourselves, others do it to us. And it's so normal to us that you're gonna have to learn, we're gonna have to learn and continue going through it to kind of break that. Because think about it, right, like when you override yourself, when you say no, when you wanted to say yes, and vice versa. How do you have a feeling? Maybe not always, but sometimes you might feel some type of way when you bypass what it is that you really wanted. And then you have to soothe yourself and re regulate yourself after that. So you might be like, well stuff, it's kind of like a lose lose, right? Like, if I honor myself, then I might have to deal with shit from someone else. Or I may have to I may feel uncomfortable with honoring myself, because I've never been in a situation where I could, where I felt safe to where I felt empowered to. But then on the flip side, if I do what other people want, or what society says and I feel like shit anyway. But think about it friend, in the long run, what's most important, and I'm not saying fuck everyone else, this is not me, you know, perpetuating dominant cultures like individualistic thing, no, but our inner needs matter. Because when we are meeting our needs, when we are honoring ourselves, when we are regulated, when we are in harmony with ourselves, we then have to, we are no longer in a constant state of having to regulate ourselves. Right? Like when we are in right relationship with ourselves, then we are not spending, wasting, expending energy, constantly regulating ourselves out in the world, constantly worried out in the world constantly performing out in the world, we get to just be and create connections that really matter and show up in an authentic way, and do the damn work in a resource way. That's what I want for us. And that is community care. Right? When we are not perpetuating our shit onto others, when we are not in a constant state of turmoil we can honor the needs and desires of people as they say they are right. Who, friend now is the best time to do it. It's great time to do I should say the best time is like if you haven't done it before, like, do it now or else. Not that. But because of the fact that we are going into weather again, like these couple of weeks have been a shift in your life also fall very erratic, very variable in energy, but also just the sheer busyness of United, you know, like capitalism and white supremacy culture, again, especially here in the United States. If you are living outside of the United States, please let me know what goes on in your country. You know, wherever it is that you are, whether it's your home country, or you are living there for any stretch of time, I would love to know. So we're wanting to honor our needs during times of change in order to feel more ease more stable. So the question I have for you is how are you going to start practicing and building your skill of honoring yourself consent? Now you might be saying Well damn stuff. That's a great question. I was really hoping you'd help me. Lucky for us, yoga philosophy, yoga science offers us a wonderful way to embody the practice of self consent, particularly at the stage of tuning into yourself which is called Pratyahara. And this is the fifth of the eight limbs system of yoga, and within my self care mentorship program, the holistic self care collective, this is our yoga philosophy focus for the month. Now pratyahara basically translates loosely to focus or withdrawal, or sensory receptor transcendence. Right? So, focus, it could be a withdrawal of your senses or sensory transcendence. So what this means is, is a conscious effort to draw our awareness away from the external world and outside stimuli. And this includes, from your sense organs, your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin, and their corresponding active senses sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and you might be like, what would it like it'd be like just like sleeping all the time. And I understand exactly what you mean, right, because like, so much of our life is spent through our senses. And the idea here is that we are cultivating a detachment from outside, and acutely aware of focusing on our inside with the goal of creating a more balanced mind. And so as we direct our attention inward, it's an opportunity to step back and take a look at ourselves, to expand our self awareness to not just rely on what we see or what we hear, for developing our opinions. It is a chance to observe prana, which is energy within us. It is a chance to objectively look at desires, cravings, emotions, judgments, and determining if our habits, our actions, our thoughts are supportive or detrimental. It's an opportunity to cultivate silence, peace and rest within. So you might be like, alright, I get it. How do I do this. And there are more ways than I bet you imagined. So here are some practical ways that you can begin practicing pratyahara whether that is you know, creating a the focus, create and not just focus on like, a task you're doing, but focus on yourself. Again, quieting all the noise from the outside world, because so much of the outside world is, you know, mixed up in how we are experiencing the present moment. And what this practice is calling us to do is to shed that to not always be in a reactive state, not always having how we are experiencing the present moment be in response to the stimulus we're receiving from the outside world. So, here are a few things that you could start doing. Or maybe you're like, Wow, I'm already doing this. Yes, cultivating Pratyahara. Yes. Noticing when your body is telling you it's bio needs when you're hungry when you're sleepy when you need the restroom, and honoring that rather than putting it off, right? Self consent, say yes, or say no. And yes, you might be like, well, stuff that has to do with my five senses. Yes, it does. Because guess what, you got to start somewhere. And even if maybe one day, we're talking about a state of being where you're not actively connected to your five senses, or however many senses you have, or you're not actively taking in stimulus through one of your sense organs. But you may not be there. That's okay. So let's start where you are. You could observe silence,

Steff Gallante

23:54

right? Just being in silence in a waiting room, when you're waiting to pick somebody up in between calls or emails in some other way. This might be limiting gossip, or negativity that is unwarranted or that saps your energy and peace or that fuels dysregulation because let's be real, I'm not saying that we should not be negative that we should not gossip because Fred, I love gossip, right? But like that negativity that just fuels fire that just totally dysregulates you. That's No, it's not going to be helpful. You could do this practice awareness in the present moment, and noticing how you're experiencing the present moment, or how you're experiencing what it is that you're doing. You might be fully present in conversations, or fully present in an action rather than multitasking. And not that multitasking is bad, right? That you should eliminate it altogether because sometimes it's a necessity. But how can you be present with in the action you're doing? You also could practice pratyahara by witnessing or observing your breath. If being fully present during your centering practice, during, you know, pranayama, as I just said, during Asana, you know, not being worried about performing or doing things right, or certain way that you have in mind, being present in your meditation practices. And when you get distracted, you know, coming back to yourself, continuing to do the practice of bringing your attention back to you. pratyahara is also practiced in Shavasana. And this is one of the greatest ways you could do this, because we literally take our awareness away from the outside world, and focus inward. And one of the other wonderful ways that you can practice pratyahara is within yoga nidra. Because not only do we take our awareness away from the outside world world toward us, we go deep, deep into the different layers and tissues of our body. And so it is a really deep, profound practice. The hope, my friend is that with these practices as a support, you'll eventually have an easier time shutting up the noise and bullshit when it comes to, you know, the outside world. And an easier time, then cultivating silence and peace and rest within yourself so that you can more ease fully honor yourself consent. Now, my friend, if you're like, yes, I've got some real like in Thai in real time guidance coming for you. So that way, you could feel empowered in real time. In case you are like, I don't want to figure this all out on my own. Or if you don't know where to start, or if you're like, damn, I just have some questions or need some guidance where I am on my journey. Join me in the fall back to yourself series later this month. I can't believe that I get to say later this month, my friend remember dominant culture loves to keep us isolated from one another, alone in our loop of thoughts with society telling us how to feel and think all the while internally we're feeling like we're weird, not enough and too much thinking we have to figure out everything on our own. But no, we need community and we need guidance beyond society's one sided view of the right way, quote, unquote, we need guides Yes, even on how to care for ourselves that center our specific needs, especially on a soul level. And so my friend the fall back to yourself series is a four part series that I created specifically for yoga teachers, yoga practitioners and anyone wanting to begin a practice pratyahara and self consent will be the foundation of every session including the community circle, which is where we will connect to community in our optional sharing time will breathe together with tools that will help establish harmony within you. And also explore a guided meditation on your needs for the fall. The community circle is a space for you to celebrate in to come to inquiry in and to put down anything that is too heavy to carry alone, my friend, get all the information about the fall back to yourself series and save your spot at Steff gallante.com/fall registrations open the first session is just two weeks away on Thursday, September 21 recordings will be present on an option for anybody who registers and I cannot wait to see you there. As always, before we leave one another, I'll offer you some wrap up considerations. How can you use the teachings or what comes up for you to human more easily when it comes to what I've shared today in this episode? And how can you use it to support and uplift those in your community, especially those who are different from or hold identities more marginalized than your own? How can you use it to connect more authentically and deeply to your community and to also begin to move toward mass mutual reliance or reliance on one another and away from Western cultures individualism society. Until next time, my friend, please be kind and gentle to yourself just as you would to those who are most precious to you whether that as a human and animal baby or a plant. I'd love to hear from you. I want to hear your thoughts about all the things that we talked about today. So please reach out and share them with me. And if you've been loving the show, please share it with your nearest and dearest and leave a review or a rating or both. My friend you are a badass and you are enough. Now go be your favorite self and be well

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